Date: Sat, 22 Jan 2000 00:31:43 EST
From: CaRtOoN80@aol.com
Subject: life as i know it 9

Life As I Know It 9- Forgive Me; Forgive Me Not

"And I'll take
With me the memories
To bring back the joy after the rain
It's so hard
To say goodbye
To yesterday"

	After Josh sang, he sat down between Rachel and Jessie. Reverend
Winslow then stood up.

	"Now, some departing words from his youngest son. Dylan?"

	I sighed as I let go of my mother's hand and walked to behind the
podium. I looked at everyone, family members, coworkers, friends at the
bar; even Cal was there. I also noticed a young Hispanic man and wondered
why he was there. Then I remembered where I was.

	"I am sorry," I started. "I was daydreaming about things. I look
into this place and think why are all of you here. Then I remember that we
are burying my father. A couple of years ago, things happened that cause a
riff in my relationship with my father. It got to the point where I hated
him. Only until recently, where I was put into a very unnatural financial
position, that I needed my father's help. It also gave me to finally
realize what my father was doing. You see, all thoughs times he would be
mad at Drew and me, and the times he would be unfair, or even the times
when he wasn't excepting, it was because he loved us. He was protecting us
the only way he knew how. I was to stubborn to realize it, but if I look
back in my life, and relive the things he said and did, I realize that he
was trying to protect us. I am sure that right now, he is happy with me,
because I finally realize that he loves me, he did love me, and he always
will love me. He is must also be happy, because the last words either of
his sons said to him, was that we love him. IF there ever comes a time in
your life, when you feel that someone can't except you for who you are,
don't do what I did. Except them for who they are, because if you don't,
you're just as bad as they are. And to fathers out there, be open-minded
that your child will do what is right for them, not you."

	I sat down as the reverend began his sermon. I thought about the
past week, from the call to Josh to the fight we had, to telling Drew
everything. This had been a very eventful and stressing week. Though Josh
was at the funeral, he was still mad at me for not telling him where I
was. I looked over at Drew, who was just breaking down. Dad and him where
extremely close, yet he feels so guilty for not talking to him.  My mother
was sad as well. I sat and told her everything and she told me it was
true. She had even told me her and Hector sat and had a talk, for the first
and last time. She even remembers he last words to him where that if my
father was going to pick a man, he was sure a good one. She did love my
father, more than anything. She also knew, that she had to move on with her
life.

	Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked back and there was
Rachel. I explained everything to her as well. She was supportive. She even
convinced Josh to come and sing here. As I looked back, I saw Josh. He was
mad, yet his eyes were so soft when they looked at me. I knew he was in a
hard position, and I put him there.

	We buried my father as Josh sang again. I can never forget the song
he sang, but it was beautiful.  My mother decided that only a few people
would come to the reception at my father's. When I got there, I went
upstairs to change. I got out of my shirt, then looked at a picture hanging
on the mirror. I took it off the mirror and looked at it. It was my father,
when he was around my age hugging a Hispanic man, which I assumed was
Hector.

	"They look wonderful together, don't they," a voice said.

	I swung around and the Hispanic man stood there.

	"I am sorry," he apologized, "I didn't mean to scare you. I am Juan
Domingo, Hectors grandson.  He had a daughter when he was a teenager."

	"Oh, hello," I whispered.

	"Your father is a great man," he smiled.

	"Was," I reminded him.

	"I apologize. I did not mean to cause any trouble. I just wanted to
be here to see him one last time.  He did so much for me when I was
little. You see my mother was young when she had me, so my grandfather took
care of me. Eventually, I just called him papa. Well, he introduced me to
Bobby, your father. He explained the homosexual life to me when I was ten,
and by thirteen, he told me he was going to marry Uncle Bobby someday. I am
not sure if your father told you this, but they did."

	Juan then took out a photograph of my father and Hector together
just as Drew walked in. I signaled him to come over.

	"Drew," I smiled," this is Juan Domingo. Juan, this is my brother
Drew."

	"What's this," Drew questioned.

	"Dad's wedding photo," I smirked.

	Drew took a look at it.

	"I would have never believe this if I didn't see it," drew sighed.

	"Well I came here to give you something," Juan smiled.

	"What is it," I asked in curiosity.

	"The photograph, of course, and this."

	Juan then took out a gold chain with a ring on it. The ring was
gold with two diamonds on it. Juan walked around and put the chain on my
neck.

	"He was married in that. The wedding ring was around his neck, so
that he could keep his homosexuality from others. When my father died, a
part of Uncle Bobby died with him. He gave me this and told me that at the
time of his death, to give this to you, along with a note."

	"Where is the note," I asked.

	"He only told me that it was where the love is. He said you would
understand. I must go now. I am sorry about your loss and goodnight."

	With that, Juan left. Drew and I where dumbfounded.

	"`Where the love is," Drew questioned. "What does that mean?"

	"Not now, Drew. Let's just get the day over with."

	I too out a tee shirt and went downstairs. I looked around and
found Josh talking to Jessie.

	"Hey," I said to them.

	"Hi Dilly," Jessie smiled. Josh nodded his head.

	"Jessie, could I talk to Josh for a minute?"

	Jessie nodded and got up. I sat down.

	"Listen," Josh said sternly," don't apologize again. I can't stand
hearing how sorry you are."

	"Josh, you have to understand that I needed to disappear like that
to prove I don't need a man to be financially stable."

	"Not here. This is about your father."

	"Your right. It is about my father, and my father taught me
something. He taught me I cannot make decisions that can hurt the ones I
love, which I did. What I thought was right was hurting you and everyone
else I loved. My father did that to Hector."

	"Who's Hector," Josh questioned.

	"His husband. My father was gay, Josh. But the point I want to make
is that I am so sorry. I will remember that when I want to make a decision,
I should involve, at least, you. I want to end up happy with you now, not
like my father, when he was in his early 60's. I love you and I promise I
will show every way I can of showing it."

	"I know you love me, you idiot. That's not why I am mad. I am mad
because you didn't trust me enough to not make a vain decision like
that. You separated yourself from me again! You cannot tell someone you
love then run away."

	"Josh, I-"

	"Look at me. Every time you say you love me and disappears, it
hurts me. All I have is you and the group, but if you keep disappearing
like that, I don't know what I'll do."

	Josh's tears formed in his eyes. I took his head and put it in my
lap. I rocked him back and forth as he cried.

	"I am sorry," I whispered.

	The rest of the reception was slow. Eventually, my mother and
Jessie went to the hotel, while Rachel and Drew went to Sullivan's
Bar. Josh and I sat on the couch in my father's living room. His head sat
on my lap as we jut watched the fireplace burn.

	"Well," Josh sighed, "what's going on now?"

	"Unfortunately, you leave tomorrow night. But it is somewhat cool
because you will be with me at the reading of my father's will. Then I am
going to look for a job in California."

	"Why California?"

	"Drew and Rachel are there. That way you will always know where I
am. I am not going to do something stupid like run form you. Not anymore."

	I kissed his forehead. Then he turned is head so that his lips were
directly under mine.

	"You better not," Josh smiled as I went to kiss him.

	His lips were soft, yet the kiss itself was firm. I started to lift
my head and his followed. Then he pulled away and got up. Before I knew it,
he was straddling me and planting a long kiss on my lips. His tongue then
pried my mouth open as it slithered in the kiss was getting rougher as his
hands fondled the zipper to my pants. I pulled away.

	"Josh, are you sure this is a good time," I asked him.

	"Dylan, right now I want you so bad it hurts."

	"Yes, but this will be just meaningless sex."

	"Sex with a Backstreet Boy is meaningless sex. This, right here,
right now is love. I can promise you that."

	Just then, I felt his bare hand grabbing my already hard cock. He
started to stroke it as he slipped the head of my penis between his tight
buttcheeks. He kissed me hard as he slowly sat down on my erection. The
lower he sat, the louder he moaned while he was kissing me. Finally, he had
gotten the whole cock in his tight little ass. He pulled away from my face
and stared at me with a smile.

	"Feels like home," he giggled.

	I grabbed him and hugged him while he sat atop of me.

	"Welcome home," I whispered in his ear.

	"I don't want to move," he smiled. "I want to stay like this with
you for as long as I can."

	"Then we won't move. We will just stay like this for the rest of
the night."

	He laid his head on my shoulder as I stroked his head. In only a
few minutes, we grew extremely tired. The last words I heard before I doze
off was Josh whispering, "Goodnight love,"


To Be Continued.