Date: Sun, 19 Nov 2000 23:37:15 EST
From: Kb79@aol.com
Subject: Life's Discoveries Chapter 6, boybands

DISCLAIMER: This story is a work of fiction. The characters are real
people but are being written in fictional situations. This is not
saying anything about the sexual orientation of anyone mentioned.

WARNING: This story deals with homosexual themes. If this offends you,
don't read. If you are under 18 years of age, don't read. If reading
this story causes you to break any laws, don't read.

FEEDBACK: I'd like to know what you think, email me at Kb79@aol.com

A QUICK PLEAD: Wear Black and Blue on Tuesday, the 21st. And I hope I don't
need to remind you... but buy the new album!!!

Life's Discoveries
Chapter 6
By: Kelly

Lance entered the den where Kevin would be sleeping for the next few days.

Once the door was closed behind him. He looked around and took in the
scene.

Nick's den was cozy looking, soft overly stuffed couches, a thick rug, and
warm wood furniture. The room lacked the dank coldness most dens had.

Kevin had thrown himself on his stomach straight across the couch. His head
was smashed into a pillow and you could see his body shake with the sobs.

Lance looked at the sad sight and wanted nothing more than to rush over and
grab Kevin in his arms and hold him as he cried. If it had been one of "his
boys", he wouldn't have thought twice. But he didn't know Kevin well enough
to really gather him in his arms yet.

So he walked over to the couch and sat down on the small space Kevin wasn't
occupying and placed a hand on Kevin's back.

Kevin pulled away slightly from the touch. "Go away Nick! I don't really
feel like talking to any of you right now!" Kevin choked out, harshly.

"It's not Nick, Kev, it's Lance. But if you want me to leave, I will."
Lance said soothingly, rubbing his hand up and down Kevin's back.

Kevin turned over to look at Lance. "Ohhh... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
sound like that. I thought you were one of the guys. You don't have to
leave if you don't want to. You weren't the one cutting me off left and
right."

Kevin sniffled and used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe his tears.

Lance gathered his courage. "Do you want me to hold you?" He sounded so
unsure of the offer.

Kevin looked shocked at the bluntness of what Lance had said, but shook his
head. "No... no... I'm calming down, really I am."

"Okay." Lance responded lightly, blushing a bit in embarrassment. He
grabbed a tissue from the box on the side table. "How about one of these?
It'll save your shirt sleeve."

Kevin accepted the tissue with a small smile. "Thanks Lance, for
everything."

"No problem Kevin." Lance answered, smiling back.

Kevin wiped at his eyes and cheeks, and then blew his nose. The tears
stopped, and he did indeed calm down.

"Can I ask you something Lance?" Kevin said softly.

"Of course you can, what's up?" Lance responded, kindly.

"Why'd you agree to do this? I mean you said yourself, you guys are all
really busy. Why are you giving up your free time to help me?" Kevin asked
honestly.

Lance looked at Kevin and almost wanted to just shrug. But he thought for a
second and decided to give Kevin the truth. "When I came out I had it
really rough. I know it's hard no matter what, but in this business things
just don't ever get easier. I would hate to see anyone else go through what
I went through. If I can help it from being so bad for you, well then I'm
happy to do it."

"Why was it so rough for you? What happened?" Kevin asked. "If I can ask
that is."

Lance looked down at his hands.

"Never mind, it's okay, you don't have to tell me." Kevin said.

Lance looked up at Kevin. "No, no. It's okay. I'll tell ya if ya really
wanna hear."

Kevin nodded.

"Well... I guess I can start off by saying I didn't quite have the group
support you are getting." Lance began.

Kevin gave a questioning look.

"I know Brian is giving you a hard time, but you still have AJ, Howie, and
Nick. I didn't have any of my group." Lance continued.

"None of them?" Kevin sounded surprised.

"None of them. I came out about three years ago, a few months before my
19th birthday. They all freaked out. They were so close to kicking me out
of the group. But we were getting popular, so that would have looked very
bad. The guys were either abusive, or they completely ignored me. It was
pretty bad for a long time. And the management had no clue what was going
on. All they saw was me crying all the time, J.C. and Joey ignoring me
24/7, and Justin and Chris pulling awful pranks on me, even beating me up
every once and a while." Lance said sadly.

"You're kidding me?" Kevin was shocked.

Lance rolled up his pant leg to show Kevin a jagged scar on his
knee. "Nope, Chris and Justin did this to me with a broken beer bottle one
night."

"Those Dicks!!! And J.C. and Joey just sat back and let it happen???" Kevin
was furious.

"No. After a few months Joey finally stepped into help me out. The two of
us ended up having a long talk and he became the first one to give me some
support. The rest of them were still jerks, but at least I had
Joey... sometimes." Lance continued.

"Are they still like that? Or did they ever come around?" Kevin asked.

"They finally came around, thank God!" Lance answered.

"How'd they finally come to their senses?" Kevin asked.

"Actually, it was Howie." Lance said.

"Howie?" Kevin questioned.

"Yeah, Howie. It had been about a year since I had told the guys. We were
all at some record label party. Actually, we were all standing around
talking to you guys as the time. Justin made a joke that completely bashed
gays. I got upset and stormed off." Lance informed.

"Yeah, I actually remember that. Howie went after you, didn't he? To see if
you were alright and all?" Kevin said haltingly, trying to truly remember
the night.

"Yeah, he found me outside in a corner somewhere. He asked me if I wanted
company. He then went on to say that Justin was a rude bastard and that he
was sorry if that had upset me. I tried to be all cool and say that I had
just needed some air. He smiled and said that was understandable." Lance
took a breath. "But then he offered me a tissue and said that he doesn't
judge. It took me a minute to realize what he meant. But once I did, it was
pretty amazing. For once, someone was offering a kind ear, instead of a
cold shoulder. We've been best friends ever since." Lance said, happily.

"That's great, but how exactly did he help you get the guys to accept you?"
Kevin wanted to know.

"Well, we started hanging out a lot, as you probably know. And I told him
about how the group was treating me. Chris and Justin stopped picking on
me, they just joined J.C. in the silent treatment. Howie helped me find a
way to still be an important part of the group. He discovered my knack for
organization, and told me to use it in the group. After that I made sure I
always knew what was going on at all times. Whenever the guys had a
contract question, or a schedule worry, I was able to answer it. Soon they
began to rely on me. I think that's what caused them to come around. I know
they ended up having this long talk together like a year ago. I don't know
the details of what was said, but I ended up getting this huge apology. It
was pretty amazing. They cried, we hugged. I totally accepted their
apology. And now we're closer than we ever were before. Justin and Chris
still get guilty sometimes, especially when they see a scar or something
like that unexpectedly. But otherwise it's all cool. Joey and J.C. actually
spend a lot of time trying to find me a boyfriend." Lance grinned as he
finally slowed down.

"Are you seeing anyone?" Kevin asked him.

"Nah... I actually was dating one of JC's little 'set-ups' for a while, but
it didn't work out." Lance answered sadly.

"Aww... I'm sorry. Didn't mean to bring it up." Kevin said, apologetically.

"Hey, it's okay. You didn't know." Lance smiled at Kevin again. "You doing
okay now?"

"Yeah, actually I'm feeling better. It's really good to have you to talk
to." Kevin grinned back.

"Good, I'm glad." Lance responded.

Then Kevin surprised the hell out of Lance by giving him a hug.

*In Nick's Pool Room*

"You two go first." Howie said, sitting in an arm chair. "I'll play
winner."

"Alright." AJ answered, as he set the table up to play. "Ya wanna break
Rok?"

"Okay." Brian said monotonously, as he broke the triangle AJ had set up.

They played in silence for a few minutes, each taking turns lining up and
taking their shots.

Finally, as AJ was attempting to hit a ball into the left corner pocket, he
said to Brian, without even looking at him. "It's pretty weird, isn't it?
Seeing Kevin in this condition? I know I've never seen him like this
before."

Brian looked over at AJ. "Do you mean upset? Cause I've seen him upset
before, I've known him all my life, remember? Or do you mean seeing him as
a fucking flamer? Cause, that's pretty weird."

"Brian! You need to stop saying shit like that!" AJ said, exasperated.

"Why exactly? Can you do that? Tell me why?" Brian asked, calmly.

Howie suddenly muttered. "Tell me why... I never wanna hear you say... I
want it that way."

Both AJ and Brian shot him a look. Howie giggled, but shut his mouth.

"I'll tell you why, cause Kevin is one of our brothers and you don't treat
family like that." AJ said harshly.

"Yeah... well... then why am I getting treated like crap also? I'm part of
this family too, aren't I?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, and I think we aren't being as harsh as we could be. Do you realize
what you are doing to all of us?" AJ sunk another ball, he was only two
away from winning the game.

"What I'm doing to all of you?" Brian was confused.

"Listen, in our little "family" Kevin is our big brother, our
protector. And he is miserable right now, and instead of helping him, you
are making it worse. So, by keeping Kev in this fragile state, you are
taking away our support. And I'm not saying that Kevin doesn't deserve to
be taken care of for once, because God knows he does. But we all have our
roles in this family, and by taking away the glue that holds us together,
you are going to cause this group to collapse. So don't treat our "big
brother" like crap, cause when he isn't feeling our support, it's very hard
for him to be who he is. And you can't take Kev away and expect us to
survive." AJ explained, while lining up another shot. As soon as he was
done talking, he took the shot and sunk the ball. AJ was now one away from
winning...

"So you have this all figured out AJ? What part we all play in this family?
What am I? Am I playing my role right now? Or am I the one that isn't
necessary to the survival of the group?" Brian asked softly, but the words
cut like broken glass, not only sharp, but jagged.

"Brian, everyone of us play a crucial role. No one could be taken away with
out the rest of us suffering. Kev's our big brother, we need him to hold us
together. Nick's the baby, he keeps us from getting to old. Howie's the
mediator, he keeps us from killing each other. Me, well I add a little
spice to everything." AJ was now setting up to knock in the 8 ball in order
to win the game. "But you Bri, you're our heart. Normally you are the most
caring and sympathetic one of us, never letting anyone be hurt, sad, or
scared alone. Brian, you are our heart. But you aren't playing your role
right now. You aren't being our heart, you're being heartless. And as I
said before, take one role away, and the rest start to crumble. We need our
heart back."

Those words went straight through Brian like a dagger, he never realized
what he could be putting everyone through. Suddenly he felt horrible about
himself.

AJ sunk the 8 ball. He had won the game.

Howie watched the two of them in silence for a few more minutes. Finally he
spoke up. "I don't really feel like playing pool anymore. Let's go see if
we can make something for dinner."

Brian looked up at Howie. "Okay, that's a good idea."

AJ kept his shock inside, he assumed Brian was going to huff off somewhere
to sulk. "Cool, let's go."

And the three men headed off to the kitchen.

*In Nick's Office*

Nick stormed into his office, slammed the door, and sunk into the chair at
his desk.

"What the fuck?!?" He muttered to himself, picking up one of the picture
frames he had on his desk. It was a picture of Kevin and himself, joking
around at a photo shoot. He looked at it for a second. "WHAT THE FUCK?!?"

Nick chucked the picture frame at the door, it shattered on impact and
sprinkled the carpet with shards of glass.

Nick dropped his head into his hands and let his fingers grip his spiky
blond hair.

"Why? Why? Why does this have to happen now? Why right now? Couldn't it
have waited until he was at least comfortable with it all? Why now?" Nick
mumbled to himself. "I've fallen for him, God help me there is no denying
that now."

Nick could still feel the jealousy that had raged through his body when
Lance had stopped him from going to Kevin. 'It would be better for Lance to
talk to him? He knows what he's going through?'

Nick was beginning to think that AJ was right. Maybe he should have told
everyone the truth, then he could be the one helping Kevin.

"How can Lance really help him? He barely knows him..." Nick muttered to
himself again.

Nick leaned back in his seat and stretched his arms behind his head.

"Maybe it's just the jealousy talking again. Howie claims he's a great guy,
right?" Nick continued the debate with himself.

Nick sat in his desk chair for a few moments and thought about what Lance
and Kevin might be talking about downstairs. Finally, the green eyed
monster started to rage again, so he got up and began to pace the room.

Nick finally knelt down by the door and picked up the photo he had
thrown. He brushed the broken glass from it and put it back on his desk. He
cleaned up the mess he had created and threw away what was left of the
frame.

Nick sat back down at his desk and held the picture in his hands. Kevin had
Nick in a headlock and was laughing his ass off. Nick was trying to get
loose, but was laughing to hard himself to be very successful. It was a
happy memory.

"Kevin..." Nick sighed, as he ran his fingertips lightly over Kevin's
face. "I am falling in love with you... God I wish I could let you know."

Nick propped the picture up against a cup of pens and then flipped on his
computer.

In the last few months he had been writing his feelings out whenever he
felt something very strongly. He now had a strange collection of overly
emotional songs and poems.

Nick opened his word processor and began to type.

Fifteen minutes later, he was looking over what he had just written. As
usual, his feelings had been sorted out and he was even able to smile at
the quality of his work. This one could seriously be turned into a song.

He read it over one more time...

How Did I Fall in Love With You?

Remember when We never needed each other The best of friends Like brothers
We understood We'd never be Alone Those days are gone Now I want you so
much The night is long And I need your touch Don't know what to say Never
meant to feel this way Don't wanna be alone tonight CHORUS What can I do to
make you mine Falling so hard, so fast this time What did I say, what did
you do How did I fall in love with you I hear your voice And I start to
tremble Brings back the child That I resemble I cannot pretend That we can
still be friends Don't wanna be alone tonight CHORUS - repeat I wanna say
this right And it has to be tonight Just need you to know I don't wanna
live this lie I don't wanna say goodbye With you I wanna spend the rest of
my life CHORUS - repeat What can I do to make you mine Falling so hard, so
fast this time Everything's changed, we never knew How did I fall in love
with you?

Nick felt more at ease now, not completely, but his feelings for Kevin
weren't as confusing as they were before.

He sighed softly and began to click on one of the many computer games he
had saved.

Just then there was a knock on the door.

"Nick? You okay in there?" AJ's voice floated through the door.

"Yeah Bone, I'm fine, come on in." Nick answered.

AJ opened the door and stepped into Nick's office.

"Hey Little Buddy, you okay? What ya been doing in here?" AJ walked over to
Nick.

Nick rolled his eyes.

I'm alright Skipper, I was flippin' a little when I first stormed in here,
but things are better." Nick answered.

"You sure? Ya wanna talk about it?" AJ sounded concerned.

"Nah, I'm okay, really." Nick said, reassuringly. "I got it all figured
out."

Nick clicked on his word processor again and hit the print button. He
waited for the sheet of paper to come through. He grabbed it and turned to
AJ. "Wanna read something?"

AJ gave Nick a look that said he didn't quite believe him, but he nodded in
interest.

Nick handed him the piece of paper.

"What's this?" AJ asked, as he took the paper.

"Just something I wrote, hoping to sort this all out." Nick said to AJ with
a small smile.

AJ grinned back and then gave his attention to the paper.

A few minutes later AJ looked up.

"Wow... is this for Kevin?" AJ asked.

"Yeah..." Nick answered sheepishly.

"This is amazing! It would make a great song. You oughta show this to the
rest of the group." AJ said.

"Maybe someday, not now..." Nick responded, taking the sheet back from AJ.

"You sure you're okay?" AJ asked.

"Yeah, all cool." Nick started to shut down his computer. "Were you just
stopping by to check up on me? Or is something up?"

"Actually, I was coming to tell you dinner was ready." AJ told him.

"Did someone cook? Or did you guys order out?" Nick questioned.

"We cooked, Brian, Howie, and I. There was actually food in your fridge,
believe it or not." AJ smirked. "You had just what we needed to throw
together taco's."

"Well, cool." Nick looked surprised. "Everyone already out there?"

"Yeah, Lance and Kevin emerged a few minutes ago, we're just waiting on
you." AJ answered.

"Okay, let's go." Nick got up and the two of them headed toward the dining
room.

The table was set and Brian, Howie, Lance, and Kevin were all sitting
around waiting for the other two.

Once AJ and Nick sat down, everyone dug in. They were all tired and it had
been a long, weird day, so the meal was eaten in near silence.

When they were done, Nick, Kevin, and Lance began to clean up, since the
other three had cooked. That too, was done in silence.

They were getting to the point were they were staring at each other in
silence, wondering what to do next.

Just then the door bell rang.

"We expecting anyone?" AJ asked.

Everyone shook their head no.

"I'll get it." Nick said, as he went over to the door.

Nick slowly opened the door a crack to see who it was, as soon as he did,
three women came storming in the house.

"Leighanne?!?" Brian yelped.

"Amanda!" AJ shrieked.

"Rachel!" Howie exclaimed.

*That's it for now... still abusing that word smile... sorry :) The song
Nick "writes" isn't actually written by Nick... at least I don't think
so... It's from the new album... got the lyrics off their official
webpage... since I don't have the album yet, I have no clue who really
wrote it... but does it really matter? It fit the story! Too well actually,
scared me a little there... Ok... hopefully the next one will be out soon,
thanx, later, KB*