Date: Tue, 15 Apr 2003 16:21:36 -0500
From: Cameron Writer <cameronwriter@hotmail.com>
Subject: A Light in the Tunnel  chapter 15

Hello everyone! I'm still here, ready for more! LOL And trust me, that's
amazing since the weather here is absolutely fantastic! I love you all so
much that I'm inside writing instead of out getting a tan!

Thanks to everyone who took the time to write me about the last chapter. I'm
so glad it was well received. I seriously had my doubts about the finished
project.

I meant not to do this, not wanting anyone to think I was angling, but the
Boy Band Story Award nominations are going on at this moment. Please support
your favorite authors by going to the website.

As always, I do not know NSYNC, anyone affiliated with them, or any other
celebrities that may appear within these pages. Their sexual
orientations/habits and personalities are completely unknown to me. If you
are offended by stories about relationships between men, or are not old
enough to legally read such things, please go elsewhere for you
entertainment.

Warning: This chapter may contain subjects difficult for some readers to
handle


A Light in the Tunnel


Chapter 15




	Rocked by waves of nausea, compounded by fear, joy, relief, anger, and
guilt, Burke barely managed to stay on his feet as the group slowly made
their way toward the exit. His body leaned against his father, trusting the
man to keep him on course. "Just a bit further, Burke," Chris cooed, "then
we'll get you home."
	Though they shouldn't have been surprised, no one was expecting what they
found when they reached the banks of glass doors. Outside, barely contained
by a force of airport security personnel, reports stood poised with
microphones and cameras, waiting and hoping for the chance to break this
story. "Shit, what do we do now?"
	"Who is parked the closest?"
	Chris' car, it's hazard lights flashing, could be seen just beyond the
frenzied press. "Joe, you, Josh, and Just take Burke. Get him to Chris' car
as fat as you can. Chris and I will stay behind and give some sort of
statement. That should buy you a little time." Everyone nodded, glad Lance
was capable of planning under the circumstances. Officer Lewis rounded up a
few people to help push through the crowd, shields for the fleeing pop stars
and their brother.
	Chris grabbed Burke and pulled the boy to his chest. "Everything is alright
now, son. We just have to get out of here. You go with Joe, and he'll take
you home. Lance and me will be there as soon as we can, ok?" Numb, Burke
nodded. "Good. I love you, Burke." Chris kissed the top of his head.
"Alright, let's do this."
	"Justin, give me your over shirt," Joey commanded, moving beside his little
brother. Without arguing, Justin slid it off, leaving him in a basketball
jersey, and tossed it to him. "I want you to put this over your head, little
man. It'll keep people from getting pictures of you."
	"What have I done?" Burke sobbed, looking at the stoic faces around him.
	"Shh, it'll be alright." Joey swept Burke into his arms, cradling him like
a child, and laid the blue plaid shirt over his head. "Let's get out of
here."
	Chris and Lance went out first, waving the reporters over as the others
dashed for the car. Despite their attempts at being a distraction, several
cameras followed, blocked from getting too close by their guards. Justin and
Josh lunged into the front seats, Joey and Burke clambering into the back.
	"Ladies and Gentlemen," Lance spoke, his deep voice rising above their
shouted questions, "if you would gather around, we are going to make a
statement." Everyone became quiet, their microphones and cameras trained on
the singers' tense faces. Used to having something prepared, Lance said a
quick prayer that whatever came from his mouth would sound intelligent.
"Today," he began slowly, "a very dear friend, a brother to us, was the
target of a kidnapping. His assailant was a troubled woman who, in the past,
has been verbally, psychologically, physically, and emotionally abusive.
Thanks to quick thinking and prompt response on behalf of the Orlando Police
Department and airport security, the kidnapping has been thwarted. Only the
woman was harmed, suffering an injury as our friend escaped her captivity."
	"Was this friend the same as the young man shown in recent photographs with
the group?" someone called out.
	"Yes," Chris answered. "He is a friend who came to live with us after some
traumatic events. In other interviews, we have spoken about being a family.
I view the guys as my brothers, and because of our ages, this young man is
like my son."
	The crowd droned with excitement. "Will this affect your upcoming tour?"
	"No ma'am. The tour will go on as scheduled." Sergeant Lewis moved in
closer, nodding to Lance. "We thank you for the opportunity to speak, but we
must be going. I'm sure you understand that we need to be with our friends
during this. A more detailed press release will be made available as soon as
possible." People shouted and chased as the ran for Lance's SUV.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	"Do you think that I--that she's--dead?" Burke muttered into Chris' chest.
Part of him, a sliver that wished to be utterly free, hoped it was so, but
he didn't want it to be at his own hand, not sure if he could live the rest
of his life knowing he had killed another human being.
	Joey petted him, wanting him to be quiet, positive peace was best for the
moment. "No, little man, you didn't kill her. Everything is ok."
	"I thought I'd never see you all again. I was so scared. I--I just couldn't
let her take me away. I knew I would just go back there, and things would be
worse than they were before. I know I would have killed myself. But I don't
want to die!" Everyone looked at each other, tears in their eyes and their
hearts breaking as Burke wept. They had each been thinking the same things,
the same fears darkening their souls. "I stabbed her! Oh God! I stabbed her!
What if she dies? How am I supposed to live with that on my head?"
	"She isn't going to die, Burke," Lance said calmly. "I just got off the
phone with Sergeant Lewis. The knife missed all the vital organs. She's
going to live."
	"You did what you had to do to survive. All of us were ready to take her
out if that's what it took to keep you safe."
	"Justin's right, little man." Joey grabbed his gym bag, and carefully
pulled the gun out. Everyone gasped. "This fires one shot, and that bullet
had your mother's name on it. There was no way I was going to let her get on
that plane. I wouldn't be able to live another day if I knew you were back
in that awful place. I was going to kill her."
	"You would've had to beat me to it," Josh sighed. "The only thing I wasn't
looking forward to was saying goodbye when they sent me to prison."
	"I was going to write her a check, then hit you all up for enough money to
keep it from bouncing!"
	Justin's mother and her family, and then the Fatones, gathered at the
house, everyone clustering around Burke all day. He looked worn out,
gleaming tears brimming in his eyes, threatening to erupt at any moment. Not
even Justin's little brothers could elicit the smallest of smiles from him.
Concerned, Chris took matters into his own hands, crushing a sleeping pill
and mixing it into the ice cream they had after the detective had come and
gone. As Burke's head started nodding, his eyelids fluttering drowsily,
Chris led him to his room, getting him ready for bed. Laying his son down,
Chris gently kissed the boy's moist cheek. "I love you, Burke. Sleep tight."
	"Dad?" came a yawned question. "Will you stay here with me? I don't want to
be alone."
	"Anything for you, Burkey Boy." Slipping his shoes off, Chris slid into the
bed, propping himself up with a pillow. With a sigh, bordering on a sob,
Burke rolled to his side, his lithe body molding into his father's hip, his
head falling onto Chris' chest. The singer, choked up, wrapped his arms
around his son, holding him tight.
	In the living room, things were falling to pieces, the excuse of staying
strong in front of Burke gone. JC and Lance held each other, tears falling
freely. Justin stared into space, sniffling, and Joey paced around the room,
his balled hands swaying by his side. "If she ever comes near him again,"
the Italian man railed, "I'm going to beat her into a pulp, no questions
asked or warnings given! I don't care what happens!"
	"Joe, please, don't say anything else. We have him back, and he's never
going anywhere." The voice of reason, for once, did not come from Lance, but
from Justin. "He's where he belongs. He's really ours now."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Burke yawned, stretching. He vaguely remembered being led to bed, then
asking Chris to stay with him. He smiled at the thought, but that quickly
flipped to a frown at remembering why he wanted him in the first place. He
had stabbed his mother, the woman who had given him life. Even if she didn't
die, he would always bear that brand. Rolling, the body he nudged was not
his father, too long and lanky to be Chris. Heavy breathing, almost a light
snoring, can from Justin's parted lips. Burke tried to crawl from the bed,
but Justin's arms pulled him back. "Shh, I'm here. Everything's ok," the man
muttered, his eyes never opening. Yanking quickly, Burke freed himself, and
started downstairs.
	The smell of coffee was rich and beckoning as he crossed the living room on
his way to the kitchen. The sun was just starting to peek it's head over the
horizon, leaving the house barely lit. Lance and Chris, talking softly with
their heads close together, sat at the table, both looking up when Burke
entered. Chris jumped to his feet, embracing Burke as if it had been years
since they had seen each other. "Sleep well?" he asked a few silent minutes
later.
	"Alright, I guess. I'm not sure why I got sleepy when I did."
	Chris blushed slightly. "I sorta gave you something. I thought you needed
to rest. I'm sorry."
	Burke shrugged as he poured himself a cup of coffee. "I understand. I
really did need it, I guess. Why was Justin in bed with me?"
	Lance smiled. "We didn't want you to be alone. I think he spent part of the
night there, just after Chris got up."
	"That's silly, guys. If dad gave me a pill or something, I would have been
out of it. I never would have known. Was it just the two of them?"
	"Yep, they were mean and wouldn't let me have a turn," Josh chuckled as he
came in.
	"Yeah," Chris snorted, "like I'm going to put my son and his boyfriend in
the same bed on purpose." Burke's cheeks reddened, elated that things were
not so strange that his teasing was over.
	"That doesn't make sense, Chris. You let Justin crawl in there, and we all
know how touchy-feely he can be while asleep!" They all laughed, telling
stories of being felt up by a dreaming Justin.
	Josh stopped giggling when he saw the shadow over Burke's gray eyes. He
knew what it was, and wanted to get rid of it. "I know what you're thinking
about, and I'm telling you to stop worrying. If one of Justin's hands were
where it wasn't supposed to be at some point during the night, it was an
accident. I'm certainly not going to hold something you didn't do against
you. Got it?" Burke nodded, relieved to hear Josh wouldn't think he had
caused anything if Justin's hands had strayed during the night. Josh turned
to his friends, his face serious. "Everything taken care of?"
	"Yeah," Lance replied. "The press release was sent out a little while ago,
and Johnny is getting a new guard hired. I'm hoping he can get Warren back."
	"New guard, what for?"
	"For you, son. After yesterday, I made up my mind on something I've been
considering. You don't want to be cooped up while we're busy on this tour,
but I'm not going to let you run all over the place by yourself. So we're
getting someone to watch over you when one of us aren't there." Burke's
nostrils flared, already having a dozen conversations over being babysat.
"It's not up for discussion, Burke. I almost lost you yesterday, and I'm
going to do everything in my power to keep that from happening again. If you
go out by yourself, your guard *will* be with you."
	"So what are we gonna do today?" Justin asked later, trying to break the
solemn mood around the house.
	"Make sure we're ready for tomorrow."
	The young singer stuck his tongue out at Lance, not wanting to hear
anything serious. "A movie or something? We can't sit around here on our
last day of freedom!"
	Burke stood up from his place on the couch. "I need a ride."
	"Sure thing, little man. Where to?"
	"The hospital."
	They all gaped, knowing what he meant but trying to decide if he was
joking. "Burke-"
	"I have to go, Josh." He faced the rest of his family. "I can't leave
things like this. I have to know why. Don't you see? I have to know."
	"I know that, son, but can't it wait? I'm not sure the cops would let you
in to see her, or that she'll even talk to you."
	"I have to at least go, dad. Please understand." Determination colored
Burke's cheeks, a dusty rose hue. "I have to go."
	"Alright, son. We'll go after lunch."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

	Slowly, as if each step hurt, Burke, flanked by his father and Joey, made
their way down the bright, clean hallway of the hospital. As they got
closer, it was easy to tell which room belonged to Beverly Kennedy, an armed
police officer standing outside the door. Never wavering, though every fiber
of his being screamed to run the other way, Burke placed one foot in front
of the other, his face expressionless. He was there for answers, nothing
more, nothing less. He didn't want a tearful reconciliation, or to berate
her. He only wanted to know why she hated him so much, why she couldn't let
him live with happiness.
	"Sorry, sirs, no visitors allowed," the guard stated, blocking the entrance
to the room.
	Joey wanted to use anything as an excuse to leave, but knew they were
expected. "I think Sergeant Lewis called earlier to let you know we were
coming. He said it was alright."
	"Yes, of course. My apologies. You have to be checked before going in.
Standard procedure, you know."
	Chris nodded, then turned to Burke. "You sure you want to do this? We can
just go home. Nobody will say anything about it."
	"I know, dad, but I have to. Otherwise, I'll spend all my time wondering or
looking over my shoulder. It's time to bury the hatchet so I can get on with
my life."
	"Alright. Do you want one of us to go in with you?" Burke shook his head.
"Ok, we'll be right outside."
	"Just remember, little man, she can't hurt you, not anymore. If it gets to
be too much, just walk out. OK?"
	"Yeah, Joey." The cop swiped his detector wand over Burke, making sure he
carried no weapon or anything the prisoner could use to escape. Nodding the
all clear, he opened the door, ushering Burke through.
	His hands held calmly in front of him, Burke looked at his mother. She was
paler than the day before, her skin sallow beneath the fluorescent lights.
An IV ran from a metal pole to the crook of her elbow, a clear liquid
pumping through the narrow tube. For a brief second he faltered, ashamed
that he had something to do with the scene before him. That passed quickly,
telling himself she had gotten what she deserved. Staring back, in eyes that
matched Burke's, Beverly's face was confused.
	"They told me that you wanted to come. I wasn't surprised. At least, if
nothing else, you learned to apologize when you do something horrible." Her
breath was wheezy, coming out in rattling pants.
	"I'm not here to apologize or ask forgiveness. I did what I had to do."
	Beverly's lips became a thin, pale line. "You tried to kill me! You should
be in here, not me!" Grimacing, she clutched at her abdomen. "Now look what
you've done!"
	Burke wasn't going to allow himself to be baited. "I'm just standing here.
And, no, I did not try to kill you. I got away before you could kill me. You
took me against my wishes, threatened me and my family, and pointed a gun in
my back. You can put any spin on it you would like, but that's the truth. I
don't really care what you tell yourself so that you can sleep at night.
Like I said, I'm not here to say I'm sorry. I may forgive you if you give me
the answers I want."
	Her face contorted in rage. "Forgive me? I'm the one laying here with a
hole in my stomach, you little bastard!"
	"You owe me answers, and you're going to give them to me."
	"I don't owe you anything! I've given you all of me, and that's never
enough for you! You've always been an evil child, trying to kill everything
around you. Now you've come here to finish the job!"
	Burke blinked, warning his tears to stay out of the way. He was in charge,
he reminded himself. Nothing she could say would deter him from discovering
the truth, however tainted or pathetic it was. "I want to know why you are
like this? What did I do to make you hate me so much? I've tried, over and
over, to think of a good memory of you, but all I remember is you being
cruel. Why?"
	"I've worked hard to give you everything, but you were never satisfied! I
gave up so much for you, and all I have to show for it is the most evil
child on the planet!"
	He remained calm, breathing slowly. Burke would not argue with his mother.
He would never get answers that way. "You weren't raised to be so cold. I
know how grandma and grandpa were. They took the time to give us all hugs
and kisses. Aunt Lisa isn't like you, so I know it wasn't how you were
raised. What made you like this? It had to be something."
	"There's nothing wrong with me! You try to twist everything around so you
look clean, but it's a lie. God will punish you for your wickedness!"
	"Maybe, but maybe he'll take pity on me for having only you to learn from.
Did you hate me this much before I was even born?"
	"I don't hate you. I just have to stop you from corrupting anything else. I
don't apologize for doing what's right."
	Burke sighed and dropped into a chair. He wasn't getting anywhere with his
mother. There was too much hardness for him to break through. "Did all this
start with my father? Or did I do something awful as a baby?"
	"Don't speak about that man. He walked out on me, left me with two kids to
raise. He never gave me a dime, that cheap bastard!"
	"Where did he go? Why did he leave?"
	"He left because that's the type of person he is. Too stupid and chicken to
deal with his responsibilities. Just like you. I had to do it all, with no
help from anyone!"
	Burke closed his eyes. He understood now, and it was so very sad. "You hate
me because of him. Because I remind you of him. I didn't do anything. It's
all you."
	"You're just like him. Selfish, stupid. You take and take, and when I have
nothing else to give, you try to take my life! You may not have finished the
job, but you're a murderer all the same! You'll be punished for that!"
	"If I am, you'll be right there beside me, mother. You took away all that
was good in my life. I tried to kill myself because I couldn't take it
anymore. I couldn't take you yelling or putting me down. You made me believe
I was worthless-"
	"You are worthless!"
	His eyes flashed with anger, stomping over to her bed. "I am *not*
worthless. I'm not stupid, or evil, or selfish. You are. Dad left, probably
because of you, and that broke something inside you, turned your soul
rotten. You are worthless. You try to get everyone to feel sorry for you
because that's the only way you can get attention. You are selfish. You
tried, many times, to take the joy out of me because you were jealous. You
nearly succeeded. You are stupid. You can't see how good I am. But that's
alright. I don't care any more. And most of all, you're evil. What else can
you call someone who's like a bloodsucking leech?" If she had been healthy,
the hand Beverly swing through the air would have smacked against Burke's
cheek. Instead, he caught her wrist and shoved it back to the bed. "You will
never, *never* hit me again."
	"You can't talk to me like that! I'm your mother!"
	"You are the woman who gave me life, yes. But you are not a mother. There
isn't enough love in you for yourself, much less anyone else. But that's ok,
too. I have a family now, and all the love I'll ever need."
	"They aren't your family. They're just poor saps you're suckering. They'll
soon see what you really are, then you'll come crying back to me."
	Burke took a deep breath, knowing what he had to do. "No, I won't. From
this point on, I wash my hands of you and the hate you bring to my life.
I'm not going to spend the rest of my life trying to earn your love. I'm
going to walk out of this room, and not look back. Tomorrow, I'm leaving
with the guys, and I won't spend a minute more thinking about you. My life
is out there, and you don't have a place in it. That's a worse punishment
than any judge will give you. It's your biggest fear, mother. In my eyes,
you will simply cease to be."
	"Go wherever you want! I'll be there to get you!"
	Squaring his shoulders, Burke stared at her, his gaze intense and fiery,
his voice dropping to a growl. "You ever darken my doorstep again, or
threaten my family in any way, and I'll send you to hell. This is not a
threat, it is a promise. A deadly one. Goodbye, Beverly." Turning, he opened
the door.
	"Burke! Burke, wait! Don't leave me here! I'm your mother! Burke!" He did
not look back, steadily walking out. As she wailed for her son to return,
Beverly Kennedy watched the door swing shut, clicking as Burke vanished from
her sight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's it for now! I hope you all enjoyed it! I know it's a little shorter
than usual, but that's how I wanted the chapter to end. Isn't being totally
forgotten much better than a simple death? Beverly will have to spend the
rest of her days knowing she is a nobody! Hehehe Coming up next, the tour
starts!

I look forward to hearing from all of you. You can reach me at
cameronwriter@hotmail.com

Always,

Cameron