Date: Wed, 16 Aug 2000 21:01:32 GMT From: Elly Iles Subject: Little White Lies - 2 Hiya, if you've got this far, you're lucky. I'm always reluctant to let others see my work, especially fanfiction, but I've posted some stories up on my site that have seemed to go down well, so I figured I may as well attempt a gay fanfiction, as it's something I've wanted to do for a while. If you're after an N Sync story, well, stop reading now. If you, for some un-Godly reason, have a thing against Nick-friendly stories, stop reading now. My stories are always Nick friendly, and I feel that some perfectly good stories written for Nifty have been let down because people have a problem with Nick, and make him out to be a real bastard. AJ as well. And occasionally Brian. And Howie. Oh, and Kevin. ? So anyway, let's just say this story is N Sync free and BSB friendly. Thank you. Disclaimer: Man, these things suck to write. Okay, here's the deal. Stop reading if you're under eighteen, or it's illegal to view such material in your area. Not that there will be any sex, but hey, some people are just plain prejudiced. This story is not meant to imply anything about The Backstreet Boys. As far as I know, they're not gay, for which I'm profoundly glad. My million to one chance of marrying Nick would be out the door if they were. I'm just a sick little girlie, who makes up stuff like this in my head. None of it's true. It's F-I-C-T-I-O-N, peeps. You'd do well to remember that. Little White Lies Chapter 2 There's no easy way to tell one of your best friends you're in love with them. Even more so, when the afore mentioned friend is an innocent, slightly immature, and naive member of the same sex. Therefore, Kevin decided he wouldn't tell Nick. It was a conscious decision, and it didn't take a great deal of heartache on Kevin's behalf to make it. He didn't think ahead to the future. The future was uncertain, a world possibly outside The Backstreet Boys, where he wouldn't have an excuse to see Nick's beautiful face everyday. In the future, Kevin realised there was a very real possibility that he would have to tell Nick. For now, however, he had to deal with the present. One afternoon, almost a year after 'the basketball incident', as the guys referred to it, Kevin found himself alone in a hotel with Nick. Normally this wasn't a strange occurrence, but today Kevin was unsettled. As Nick played Nintendo, propped up against the side of the bed, his eyes fascinated with a game that Kevin was either too old, or too mature to understand, Kevin watched Nick. This was normally enough to unsettle him alone, just being close to his first, and only true love. However, what made him more unsettled was the look of utter sadness in Nick's eyes. Kevin drew his gaze away to stare at the computer screen. He had no idea what was happening in it, but he was pretty certain that the ugly car tyre type things shouldn't be hitting the cute little animal type thing excessively. Nope, Nick wasn't concentrating. Something was wrong. "Nick?" Kevin slid down so he was sitting next to him. "What's up, kiddo?" "Kev, you made me lose now." Nick threw the controller down in disgust. "I did?" Kevin asked. "Well, no, but I need to blame someone, cos it sure as hell can't be my crap game playing." "So there is something up?" "No." Nick answered, too quickly. Kevin gave him 'the look', as AJ called it. The one that left even scary biker type men in dark alleyways trembling somewhat. "Nicky." "Maybe that's my problem." Nick scowled. "Right there. That pathetic name." "I thought you liked being called Nicky." "Do you like being called Kevvy?" "Oh, I don't know." Kevin raised his eyebrows. "It's got a certain charm to it." He looked over at the look of disbelief on Nick's face. "Okay, no I don't." "So why on earth would I like being called Nicky?" "Ok, I won't call you Nicky." Kevin held his hands up in mock-surrender. "But that's not all that's bothering you, is it?" "Yes." Nick stood up. "That's all. You don't need to worry." "But I do worry." Kevin stood up to face him. He was always astounded at how tall Nick had grown. They were eye-level now, which wasn't good news for Kevin as it meant that when they talked like this, he found himself getting lost in the sheer blueness, and intensity of his eyes. "Kev, do you believe in soul mates?" Nick asked. Kevin almost fainted through shock. Yes, you idiot, he wanted to scream. I'm standing right here. "Of course I do." He regained his composure. "We all need something to believe in." "What if your soul mate was unattainable? What if you never met them? Or worse, what if you did, and you realised, but they didn't?" God, is he trying to kill me, Kevin wondered briefly. "You both know." Kevin whispered. "You might not at first, but you will realise it eventually." "But you don't know for certain." Nick shook his head. "I mean, you say that, but there are so many people out there with wasted lives, married to real bastards, or in abusive relationships which they can't leave, and they never meet their soul mate." "Hey, what brought all this on?" Kevin asked. "You're eighteen, Nick. You don't need to worry about it yet." "I'm not." Nick answered indignantly. "I was just being." He searched for the right word." ". "Hypothetical?" "That's the one." Nick smiled. He walked into the bathroom. Kevin looked at the door he had just shut, stunned. What the hell was all that about? *** It grew hard, keeping a secret so big to yourself. Kevin debated telling someone, one of the guys was the obvious option. Who, though? Brian was the first one he thought of, but Kevin decided against it. Something inexplicable had happened between the two of them over the past year, that only they seemed to realise. They could no longer talk as cousins. Their relationship, to the casual observer, resembled that of business associates. Civil to one another, but not great friends. If the others realised, they didn't say anything. Next his thoughts turned to Howie. Howie was the best listener out of the lot of them, and seemed the obvious choice. Maybe in any other situation he would have been, but due to the false accusations Howie had received about being gay, he now felt uncomfortable talking about the matter. AJ was the last, and probably best choice. By no means the most obvious, but Kevin was aware that there was a lot more to the designated 'freaky' member than met the eye. He was an excellent listener, and usually gave out sound advice. AJ it was then. "AJ?" Kevin turned to him on the plane flight to Orlando. The others were asleep, worn out by the ever-hectic schedule. "Yup?" "I have to tell you something. Something that's been eating away at me for a while." "Shoot." AJ smiled warmly at him. Kevin took a deep breath. "Well, I guess I should start with the obvious thing." He declared. "I'm. I'm gay." "Oh." AJ looked at him in amazement. "Wow." "Nobody else in the band knows. Not even my family know." "Well, you know, it doesn't change anything." "I know, I know." Kevin nodded. "Really, I know if I was to tell all you guys you'd be fine with it. I've given myself the 'you're still the same person talk' a million times already." "So why don't you tell everyone?" "Because." Kevin looked over to Nick who was sleeping peacefully in the isle opposite. His floppy blonde hair framed his prefect face as he lent to the side slightly, leaning towards Brian. "What?" AJ looked to where Kevin was looking. "Nick's gay as well?" "No." Kevin sighed. "That's just the problem." He shut his eyes then opened them to look at AJ's expectant face. "I'm in love with him, AJ." The silence lasted a lifetime. Finally AJ spoke. "He's just a kid, Kev." "Don't you think I know that?" Kevin swallowed. "I go to sleep telling myself that every night, but it doesn't work." "Make it work then." AJ sighed, realising how harsh he sounded. "I'm sorry, Kevin, it's for your good as well as his. You'll only end up hurting yourself, and maybe him." "I can't stop loving him AJ. Just look at him." Kevin felt tears spring to his eyes. "Everything about him is the reason I exist." "I can't make you stop loving him." AJ finally reasoned. "And you can't either, not really." "So what can I do?" "Don't ever hurt him. Don't ever play on his innocence." "I wouldn't." Kevin whispered. "I love him too much." "Good." AJ nodded. "Because if you do hurt him, you'll hate yourself for the rest of your life. I don't know what you can do now, but I suggest you just try and steer clear of him, as least emotionally. Try and meet someone else. I don't know, just try and be happy." "I haven't been happy for a long time." Kevin confessed. AJ clasped Kevin's hand in his own. "You deserve to be, Kev. Just don't go chasing impossible dreams." "Thanks, AJ." "Jeez, and they call you the dad of the band." AJ smiled. Kevin joined in. AJ's words had comforted him, and he felt better, knowing he had a true friend. However much friends were important though, it was no substitute for the love he yearned. Soppy, I know, but what do ya think? I haven't even really started into the main storyline yet, so just you wait. It will hopefully be a real tear-jerker. Oh, and thank you to all the people who sent me e-mails praising my first instalment. Feedback if always welcome!