Lost Without You

Chapter -- 15
by JT Poole and Nikki Brown

Orlando, FL -- Sunday Evening -- Back at JT's House

"Do you remember that time when you and Lance got caught....oh never mind," Nate says as he and JT walks through the front door with Chad in JT's arms.

"What Nate? Go ahead and say it big baby," JT tells him as he places Chad on the sofa and the two walk into the kitchen. "It's not like I'm going to cry about it."

"No you won't cry, but that sure was funny when Justin and Josh walked in on you two going at it," Nate tells him as they both laughed at the memory.

"Well no one told you to show up at that time looking for me either Nate," JT tells him, opening the refrigerator. "You want something else to drink?"

"Naw buddy, I'm cool," Nate says sitting down at the table. "So Brian, do you really like him?"

"Yes I do Nate. I can honestly say that I feel a little bit something more than like for the Backstreet Boy," JT tells him as footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs.

"Will there be wedding bells this time around JT?" Nate asks as JT looks at him and shakes his head.

"Man it's too early for wedding bells. We've only been together for a few days. I can understand if it had been as long amount of time like when me and Lance were together, but it's not so wedding bells aren't an option," JT tells him as Nikki peeks around the corner and then walks into the kitchen.

"Nate!" Nikki squeals, running over to hug him and then looking at me. "JT why didn't you tell me Nate was here?"

"I didn't know he was here, he bumped into me and Chad at the amusement park," JT tells her as she looks at him strange. "We went back there today."

"What are you doing in Orlando Nate?" Nikki asks him, smiling as she sits down at the table.

"I'm just here visiting some friends and family," Nate tells her. "My friend Melissa from the show has some family out here and since we're doing some commercials for 'ABC Soap Weekend', we were here doing that."

"I see," Nikki says. "So how long are you out here for?"

"A few days, then I have to fly back out to Los Angeles for some more taping, then it's back to Hawaii for a week then I don't know," Nate tells her as we all hear moor footsteps again.

"That must be Kess," I say as his eyes went wide. "No she's not the wild child no more."

"JT keep her away man," Nate tells him. "I don't need her beating my ass."

"She's not going to be beating on you," JT tells him as Kess walks into the kitchen and connects eyes with Nate.

"You!" Kess exclaims, gritting her teeth, starring Nate down as JT walks over to her and pushes her out of the room.

"What was that all about?" Nikki asks, looking out to see JT and Kess talking.

"We use to date before I came out," Nate tells her as she did a double take. "Yes I'm gay Nikki."

"Oh my God, does JT know?" Nikki asks him.

"Yes he knows. We use to date before I met Kess," Nate tells her as her eyes went wide.

"Wait a minute. You dated JT and then dated Kess afterwards?" Nikki asks him.

"Yes I did," Nate answers her. "I was kind of confused when I was with JT. I broke up with him to try to figure out what it was that I wanted. I started dating women again, met Kess and we were happy for awhile until my heart fell into place. Only then I found out that I liked men more than women. We broke up and she hasn't been able to stay in a room with me long without beating on me in some form. When I came back here to see if I could rekindle things with JT, he was with Lance. We talked and we decided on being friends if nothing else."

"Oh my," Nikki says as JT and Kess walk back into the room.

"Hello Nathaniel," Kess says, walking over to the refrigerator, pulling out something to drink and walking past him to sit down at the counter.

"Hi Kess," Nate says, somewhat scared to speak to the woman. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine Nathaniel," Kess answers him as she popped the top of her can and started drinking.

"Okay, it's after seven and you two are just now coming down. Any of you have dinner plans?" JT asks, looking at both women.

"Nothing for me," Nikki answers him.

"I might go out now," Kess says, glaring at Nate.

"Kess..." JT says as she shakes her head.

"No I have no dinner plans," Kess says, taking a gulp of her soda.

"Then I can cook dinner. It'll be a good home cooked meal for all of us," JT says, opening a cabinet and pulling out a cookbook as Nikki smiles at him.

"You two shoo, me and JT will handle this," Nikki says as Chad comes wandering into the kitchen.

"Daddy I'm thirsty," Chad says as JT points at the refrigerator.

"There's nothing wrong with your hands, open the door and get you something to drink," JT tells him as everyone starts laughing as the gate alarm goes off. "Let me see who that is."

"I'll get it," Nate says, walking into the living room to check the monitor. "I believe it's the Backstreet Boy."

"Well press the button and let him in," JT tells him as Nate comes back into the room.


I wonder what kind of mood Brian's in right now? So far I haven't gotten any phone calls any time today and I haven't heard about any police reports where he was arrested so I'm sure he wasn't in knock out drag outs. I wonder what it was he went to do. What kind of business did he have to go handle that took him almost the whole day. He left me around this time this morning and he's just now getting back. What has he done all day?

"Brian," Chad says, running out of the room going to the front door to let Brian in.

"That boy really likes Brian." Nikki says as she gets back up and walks to the refrigerator, grabbing herself a soda too. "What are we cooking?"

"I was thinking about having a roast with the works," JT tells her as he walks into the pantry and start grabbing things to prepare.

"Sounds good," Nikki says, walking over to the stove and turning it on as Chad walks in with Brian.

"Hello Brian," I say, waving at him as he walks over to me, leans in and kisses me passionately on the mouth as Nate walks into the room.

"I missed you today," Brian tells me as he leans in and kisses me again. "What did you and Chad do today?"

"We went back to the amusement park," I tell him as he turns around to see Nate standing there.

"Ah hello," Brian says, looking at Nate like he was ready to beat him down like he owed money. "Who are you?"

"I'm so sorry. I must have left my manners in the pantry. Brian Littrell this is my friend Nathaniel Marston, Nate this is my boyfriend Brian," I say as the two of them shake hands, Brian still glaring at Nate like he wanted to beat him down.

"So how do you know JT?" Brian asks him, letting go of his hand.

"Well uh...uh we use to go on model shoots together and we sorta dated in the past," Nate says as Brian spins around quickly, eyeing me like I had done something wrong.

"What?" I ask him, grabbing a potato and started peeling it as Nikki looks at me and tips out of the kitchen.

"Why is he here JT?" Brian asks me point blank.

"We bumped into each other at the amusement park Brian," I tell him as a tear escaped his eye. "We hung out at the park and I invited him back here for a while."

"Invited him to do what JT?" Brian asks me, looking down at the counter as I continued to peel the potato.

"To hang out Brian," I say, getting a little bit pissed at his line of questioning. "Is there a problem here Brian? The last time I checked, I owned this house, the house connected to it and the house in the back and said property that houses sit on. If I want to invite a friend over to hang out with me and my child and other friends in the house, I will do that at my own discretion, not yours or anyone else's."

"J-JT calm down," Nate says as I turn to look at him.

"Nate shut up!" I say, turning my attention back to Brian as he looks at me like he was about to cry.

"I think you need to come with me," Nikki says, grabbing Nate by his arm and pulling him out of the kitchen. "It'll be safer."

"Why are you sounding like a jealous boyfriend Brian?" I ask him as he looks up at me.

"Because I am," he answers me. "I just found you and I don't want to compete with other guys for your love and affection."

"You don't have to compete for anything Brian. Nate is only my friend. Our time together has passed. That chapter of my life has closed. You're the new chapter of my life and I hope that chapter reads long," I tell him as he hugs me.

"I'm sorry JT. I didn't mean to act that way," he tells me as we share a passionate kiss. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"I guess I'll over look that just this one time," I tell him as the gate alarm goes off. "I wonder who that is."

"Are you expecting any more company?" He asks me as I look at him strangely as he holds up his hands. "Sorry baby."

"Better be," I say, walking out of the kitchen to the security panel that was in the living room. "Nikki are you expecting Nick Carter?"

"No JT, I wasn't expecting him, but it would be good to see him," she says as I press the button to open the gate to allow him in for her and then Brian comes out of the kitchen, opening the front door and running outside.

"Brian!" I scream trying to press the button to close the gate back but it was too late.

"You!" Brian screams, reaching into Nick's truck and pulling him out through the window. "How can you call yourself my friend?"

"What the fuck!" Nick screams, holding his hands up in front of his face as Brian punches him again.

"You just had to try to ruin my fucking life with the man I've fallen in love with! How could you do that to me Nick? How!" Brian screams, punching Nick over and over again as I along with Nate run outside.

"Brian stop this," I say as he stops momentarily looks at me and gets up off Nick.

"JT...JT I'm sorry. I...I let my emotions...baby I'm really sorry," Brian tells me as Nick gets up off the ground and lunges for him.

"Brian look out!" I shout as he turns around just in time to see Nick swing at him and miss.

"You fucking bastard!" Brian screams, punching Nick in the gut and then kneeing him in the groin. "I fucking hate you!"

"Owww!" Nick groans, holding his midsection as he stumbles backwards and falls to the ground. "I'm gonna get you Brian!"

At the very sound of those words, Brian jumped on Nick again, punching and slamming his body into the ground. Watching the scene in front of me, I waved my hand and walked back towards the house as Nate gasped and looked at me. Getting to the door, I grab Chad's hand, picks him up and the two of us walk back into the kitchen. Deciding to finish up my meal and leave the children outside, I'll get my dinner going and deal with the two of them after they act their normal ages.

"Oh my God, your man is beating up my man," Nikki says, walking into the kitchen. "Why aren't you stopping them JT?"

"Daddy why are Brian and Nick fighting out there like that?" Chad asks me as I sit him down at the small table in the room.

"You can ask Brian that when he's done," I tell him as Nikki walks back out to the living room to check the security monitor and then back into the kitchen. "I can't really say why they are acting like fools."

"Chad honey, take it from me, all men at whatever age act like fools. You just keep in mind that people do foolish things for foolish reasons," Nikki tells him as she walks over to the refrigerator and pulls out some items to add to what we were making.

"What is they're reason for that daddy?" Chad asks me a few tears escaping his eyes.

"Son that's something you're too young for," I tell him as the doorbell rings and Nikki turns around and look at me.

"Are you going to get that?" She asks me as I just keep on cutting up the carrots.

"No, let them stay outside Nikki. They're acting like wild animals, wild animals belong outside," I tell her as she shakes her head and walks to the living room.

"It's Nate and Brian. Nick's no where to be seen out there," she tells me as I put down what I was doing.

"Let Nate in, leave Brian outside," I tell her as she looks at me strangely. "You heard me Nikki. Leave Brian outside like I said."

"Okay," Nikki says, opening the door and pulling Nate in and closing it on Brian quickly. "Nate's in, but you know this is going to cause drama between you and Brian."

"Oh well. He should know better than to fight in like that in front of me and my child," I tell her as she walks away from the door as the door bell keeps ringing.

"JT you're going to have to let him in sooner or later," she tells me.

"Preferably later," I tell her as she shakes her head and returns to her previous chore.

On A Plane Heading to Orlando

Justin's POV

Now that we're heading to Orlando, I feel a little bit better. I had no idea dad would overreact the way he did when he found out that me and Lance were getting married. Why can't he be like mom and support the two of us? He told me no son of his would marry a man. So in actuality, no son of his is marrying a man, but he's the only dad I know. Why is he doing this to me? He looked at me like he was ready to kick my ass and throw me over the balcony. Maybe one day he will come around like mom says, but I doubt he will. The only thing that will happen is he'll probably turn mom against me and she'll no longer support me. Why is this so hard, it's only love.

"Baby are you okay?" Lance asks me as he turns to me and kisses me on the cheek.

"Yeah baby, I'm okay," I tell him as he caresses my cheek and leans in and kisses me. "I like that. What did I do to deserve that?"

"I just felt you needed it baby," he tells me as he entwines our fingers together. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm better now," I tell him as the flight attendant walks past. "Excuse me miss."

"Yes sir?" She asks me, walking back to our sits. "Could I get something for you?"

"I would like to get a Sprite™, light on the ice. Baby do you want something?" I ask him, totally forgetting about using his name instead of baby in public.

"I'd like to get a Coke™ miss," he tells her as she smiles and walks off. "Justin you called me baby around an outsider."

"I know I did," I tell him as I smile at him and lean in and kiss him as a camera flash goes off.

"Thank you guys for giving me tomorrow's headline," a guy says sitting back down as Lance tries to get up, but I stop him.

"Don't baby, don't give him anymore stuff to use against us. We can always get him later," I tell him as I wave one of our security guys over and point to the guy that had taken the picture of us.

"He took a picture of us kissing Justin," he says as I smile at him.

"I don't care about that baby," I tell him as I lean in and kiss him again. "We're together and we're going to be married."

"You have a point," he says, smiling brightly as the fasten seatbelts sign came on.

After 11 PM -- Back in Orlando, FL -- JT's House


After dinner was over, we all sat around talking while watching TV. To say the least, Brian was still in a mood and I wasn't going to deal with it. He knew I was pissed off at his actions with Nick at my house around my child. Under different circumstances I would have let the two of them fight it out until they killed each other, but I don't want my son witnessing any of that and asking me why they are doing it.

A little after nine, me and Chad excused ourselves so he could turn in for bed. Since tomorrow would be his first official day of school here in Orlando, I want him to be fully rested and ready to tackle a new day. After getting him cleaned up and into bed, I kissed him on his forehead and I was out the door to my room, where I changed into something more comfortable and went back downstairs.

Now that it's getting late, Nate is on his way out. After making him promise to keep in better touch with me, we hugged and he got into his waiting taxi. Heading back to his hotel and whatever it was that he would be doing next, it was only me and Nikki left sitting in the family room watching the last of the news.

"Oh God that's Joey," I say, turning the volume up on the television as there was a report of Joey Fatone being arrested for assault and battery against an unknown person. "Oh yeah, the shits about to hit the fan."

"What the hell has he gotten into this time?" Nikki asks, shaking her head as she smiles, thinking about some of the pranks the guys use to pull on me, that made me want to luck them up. "Remember that time..."

"I don't even want to go there," I tell her as she starts cackling. "We're going to leave the past in the past and that's that."

"You gots to admit some of that stuff was funny JT," she says, smiling as she got up. "Oh God I'm so tired JT. I think I'm heading to bed."

"I'll head to bed once I hear from Brian to make sure he's okay," I tell her as she shakes her head at me.

"If you'd let his ass in the house the first time, you would know if he was okay or not," she tells me.

"Nikki," I say as she holds up her hand.

"I know you don't like what he did, but there are times you have to look past that crap and brush it off your shoulders," she tells me as she leans in and kisses me on the forehead. "You'll hear from him soon."

"I hope so. This is all starting to piss me off in a big way," I tell her as she just waves and walks up the stairs. "He knows better Nikki. He is too old to be acting like a child. The way he and Nick acted today wasn't called for and even you know that. I'm so mad at him, I don't know what to do right now."

"It might be best if you come on up to bed then and then try to talk to him tomorrow after you've calmed your nerves," Nikki tells me. "I don't need you going off the deep end and I end up having to go bail you out of jail. Go shower and rest man."

Getting up, I walk up behind her, give her a hug and then a walk past her to my room. She just stood there watching me as I walked into my room and closed the door. Going into the bathroom and turning on the light. I open the shower door and turn on the water. A nice shower will help me relax, if not, I won't be able to sleep tonight.

Taking off my clothes, I test the water to make sure the water was the right temperature. Stepping into the shower, I let the water fall over me, hoping it would wash away all my anger from the day. Letting my mind drift away to some place calm, I didn't notice the person in the bathroom with me. Snapping out of my trance, I heard the voice of Brian singing to me again.

La la la la la la, La la la la la la

 My cherie amour, lovely as a summer day
My cherie amour, distant as the milky way
My cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only guy my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine

In a cafe or sometimes on a crowded street
I've been near you, but you never noticed me
My cherie amour, won't you tell me how could you ignore
That behind that little smile I wore
How I wish that you were mine

La la la la la la, La la la la la la
La la la la la la, La la la la la la

Maybe someday, you'll see my face among the crowd
Maybe someday, I'll share your little distant cloud
Oh, cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only guy my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine 

La la la la la la, La la la la la la
La la la la la la, La la la la la la

I stood there looking at him as the last `la' came out of his mouth. How did he know that was one of my favorite songs? I'm going to have to talk to Nikki about that, I feel she had a hand in this since she's the only one that could have let him into the house. Stepping out of the shower and walking over to him, I lean in and kiss him passionately. Regardless if I was dripping wet, he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to him.

"I've noticed you Brian and I am yours," I tell him as we kiss again and he wipes my eyes as I wipe his. "I'm taking a shower. Would you like to join me?"

"S-sure I would," he tells me as he releases me slowly, pulling back a little bit, kissing me quickly as he starts pulling off his clothing, piece by piece, giving me a slow strip tease.

After he was done removing all of his clothes, we embraced again and we kissed more. Both of us letting our lust for the other take over, Brian pushed me into the shower, up against the shower stall wall, kissing me with so much fervor and passion that I almost lost my balance. Pulling back, he switched places with me and grabbed me again as he was up against the wall and I was leaning into him, kissing him for all I was worth.

"Oh God, I've wanted this all day," he tells me, panting as he wraps his arms around my neck. "I'm sorry I acted a fool with Nick this afternoon. Will you ever forgive me for that?"

"I don't know Brian," I tell him as his eyes went wide. "Brian you and Nick were fighting around my child and that's not right. Under other circumstances, I would have let you two fight it out like you were on Jerry Springer. But you're not on one of those sleazy talk shows and you fighting with Nick the way you were is not a good influence on Chad."

"I know that JT. I figured that out earlier when you wouldn't talk to me and Nikki wouldn't let me into the house. I know what I did was wrong, but I couldn't let him get away with what he had done," he tells me as I pull away from him, the water turning cold.

"Yes you were wrong and as long as we're together, that doesn't need to happen around here again. I have very strong feelings for you Brian, but that little boy down the hall comes first in my life now. You know I'd do anything in my power to make us work, but if us being together causes all these problems, then you know the answer just as well as I do," I tell him as he looks down.

"Well that won't be a problem anymore baby, as of today, I'm no longer part of the Backstreet Boys," he tells me as I turn my attention back to him. "There won't be any problems for us to be together now."

"You what!?!" I shout as he covers my mouth quickly.

"Shhhh, you'll wake up Chad," he tells me as I turn off the water and step out of the shower.

"What do you me you're no long part of the Backstreet Boys?" I ask him as he steps out of the shower and takes the towel I was handing him.

"I mean just that baby. When I went back to the hotel today, I told Kevin that I'm leaving the band," he tells me as he starts drying his hair.

"Oh I really hope you're joking Brian," I tell him. "What the hell are you thinking? You can't leave the band. You're still under contract and you guys just finalized all the funding for this current tour and album."

"I know baby," he tells me, caressing my face as we stood there watching each other. "I just can't let him get away with all the things he's done to us."

"That's what I was getting at Brian. If the two of us being together causes problems like what you're telling me now. Maybe we shouldn't be together," I tell him

"That's not the answer JT and you know it. I love you and I'm not going to let anyone or anything ruin what we're developing right now," he tells me, wrapping the towel around his waist.

"Well its too late for that Brian. If you've resorted to leaving your career because of something Nick is doing, the damage has already been done. This have gone too far," I tell him as he stands in front of me with tears in his eyes.

"I love you JT and that's all that matters to me right now," he tells me, hugging me as I wrap my arms around his waist.

"I love you too Brian, but you just can't cut out on your commitments," I tell him. "Let's sleep on this and we can talk about this in the morning."

"Okay baby. I'll sleep on it, but I don't believe I'll change my mind," he tells me as we kiss and I turn off the light.

Author's Note: My Cherie Amour by Stevie Wonder. I didn't write it, sing it or copyright it. You know the drill here. I just used the song lyrics to convey a point from the character.



I don't know any of the members of «N SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned. I don't know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay). This story is fiction and you shouldn't take it for anything else but that. This is for entertainment value only folks.