Lost Without You

Chapter -- 18
by JT Poole and Nikki Brown

Orlando, FL -- Wednesday 4:30 AM -- Jive Entertainment


It's too damn early in the morning for us being up like this. My feet hurt and I still have a headache from Monday and yesterday. With the shit that's happened in the past two days, I don't think I'm really ready for this. It's almost five in the morning and here we are standing out in the cold waiting for the damn buses to arrive. Looking over at Brian, he's holding Chad in his arms and barely able to go himself. I don't know what Trey and Johnny were thinking when they wanted us to leave this fucking time in the morning. I should be doing what my son is doing in Brian's arms right now. I should be sleeping my damn heart out.

"What's taking so long?" Kess asks me, turning around quickly to see if she could see the buses coming. "This is fucking madness man, whose ass I need to kick for this shit?"

"Blame Johnny and Trey," I tell her as she just shakes her head. "Where's Nikki?"

"She's on her way, she's supposed to be here with Nick already," she tells me as I spot Nikki walking towards us with a bathrobe, curlers and flip flops on. "Lawd say that ain't her."

A Few Minutes Previously -- Across Town


Nikki's POV

"Lawd, whose ass do I need to kick for getting' me up before the ass crack of dawn?" I asked sullenly as I drove towards the buses in JT's Benz. "Shit I hate early mornings!"

My phone rang suddenly and I picked it up, turning it on before I stopped to check the caller ID. "County Morgue, you kill `em, we chill `em. This is Nikki. How may I help you?"

"So you finally answered your fucking phone huh bitch?" my husband asked venomously, chilling me even though he was three thousand miles away. "Where the fuck are you Nicole? I don't have time for this bullshit!"

"I'm away from you and I'm safe you lousy bastard," I replied heatedly, almost running a red light. I pulled the car over, not wanting to cause an accident even though there was practically no traffic on the roads. "Jason, I've already seen a divorce lawyer and drawn up the papers, so please, just sign them and let me go. I-I won't tell anybody anything... I promise."

"You're not going anywhere, you worthless bitch," he snapped, his tone dripping ice. "I married you because I wanted you—and until I get enough of you, you're mine. Now, get your ass on the first plane back to Van Nuys, or so help me when I find you I'll make you wish you'd never been born."

"I'm not coming back," I said softly, resting my head on the steering wheel as I listened to him calling me all kinds of horrible things. "I have a life now, and you can't make me!"

"Watch me," he said with a tone of finality that made my blood run cold. "You get your ass back here or I'll find you Nicole... and when I do, I'll rip your heart out with my bare hands... Have a good night."

My mind raced after Jason had hung up, trying to come up with ways to protect my friends should the unthinkable happen and Jason found me while I was out on the road with Diamonds. I had no doubts whatsoever that Jason would do what he'd said and kill me if he ever found me, so I was frantic to stay as many steps ahead of him as possible. I prayed that he would never find out about my relationship with Nick or my renewed friendship with JC, because I knew that he would try to hurt them too.

A car blasting its horn from behind me terrified me so badly that my hands shook as I turned the car back on and drove the rest of the way to the staging area in the Jive parking lot. I tried to think of ways to get Nick to leave me alone, but I knew that he cared too much about me to let go now... especially now that he knew I cared as much about him as he did about me.


"Well I had a great time at lunch today," Nick babbled nervously as he cast continuous glances at me out of the corner of his eye, trying to defuse me before I erupted.

Snowballs chance in hell, Nicky boy, I thought sourly, my face set in a stony mask as I returned his look but remained silent for the duration of our ride to his hotel. As soon as the door closed behind us I turned around with fire in my eyes.

"What the flyin' fuck is your problem Nickolas?" I snapped, avoiding his arms when he tried to hug me. "No! You are not gonna get out of this shit that easily! What the hell possessed you to attack JC like that?!?! Even betta, the fuck did you have to start screamin' at him in the middle of a crowded damn restaurant?"

"Nikki, let me explain," He began before I jumped in and away I went.

"You know, I'll forgive the fact that you left me sitting there at that table feeling like a fool. I can even forgive the fact that you got all up in the face of one of my best friends and demanded that he not speak to me. But I'll be damned if I forgive you for actin' like a complete fool in front of not only Chad, but an entire room full of people!" I ranted, my anger escalating out of control and I slapped the shit out of him so hard my arm stung.

"Don't just sit there lookin' like an idiot... say something damn it!" I snapped, smacking his arm when he just stood there staring at me.

When he still didn't say anything, I shook my head, walking towards the door of the suite when I felt a hand grab my arm and I was snatched around to face an obviously distraught Nick.

"I'm sorry Nikki," he babbled as he pulled me into a tight embrace. "I never meant to embarrass you... I just wanted to stop him from takin' you away from me... I don't want to loose you."

"Nicky, I told you before that I wasn't goin' anywhere," I stated, hugging him now that the anger had passed. "But you have to stop trying to control who I have as my friends! My husband does that, and I hate him for it! I don't want to end up hating you like I hate him!"

"I'm such a fuck up," he said miserably, sitting on the bed and looking at me forlornly. "All I want to do is make you happy, and all I ever seem to do is screw that up... I just can't get this love shit right no matter what I do."

"You're doin' alright so far," I said shyly, ducking my head. "I-I do like you a lot Nicky, and I'd love to be your girlfriend, but I have a lot of baggage right now and I don't want to get you involved in something that could potentially get you hurt... I couldn't take it if something happened to you because of me."

"Nothing's gonna happen to me Nikki," he said softly, kissing me gently as he began to undress me. I relaxed into his warmth, enjoying the way his hands felt against my skin as we kiss. He looked into my eyes for a moment, smiling as he told me, "If you need me, I'll be there to help you get out of whatever it is that's holding you back from me."

"Just touch me now," I whispered as he laid me on the bed and began to make love, all thoughts of Jason and JC pushed to the back of my mind... at least for now.

End Flashback

I sped into the parking lot, unmindful of the earliness of the hour anymore as I tried frantically to figure a way out of this mess, but my mind was too filled with concern for everyone else's safety to allow me to think clearly. I pulled into a park, spotting everyone standing out in the chilly early morning air and I jumped out of the car, walking over to join them so we could get this show on the road.

JT's POV (Again)

"It's her," I say, wanting to laugh, but it was too freaking cold too.

Lawd this girl don messed up. What the hell was she thinking when she decided to leave the house wearing that get up? She needs her ass beat sideways for that shit. Walking over to her, stifling my need to laugh, I tap her on the shoulder as she turns around and scares the fuck out of me when I see her face.

"What!" She hollers at me.

"What the hell is that on your face?" I ask her.

"Man I wasn't about to ruin my apricot scrub facial for this shit. I'm sure these men have seen a lady getting a facial before, hell I believe a few of them have had a few themselves," she tells me, shaking her finger at me. "I ain't in no mood for nothing snappy you have to say JT. It's too damn early in the morning for this."

"Girl I don't care," I tell her, looking her up and down. "What the hell was you thinking when you left the house? I hope you didn't get any of that anywhere in the Benz."

"Didn't I tell you I wasn't in the mood," she tells me, smacking me on the side of the head and turning around. "Go away kid, you bother me."

"You acting like a child Nikki, you need a timeout," I tell her as I walk away from her, leaving her standing there as I spot Nick walking over towards the two of us.

"I'm going back to my man and my child," I tell her, walking away from her, passing Kess and Kevin in the backseat of her car going at it. Please let his zipper be up.

A Few Minutes Later -- After the Buses Have Arrived

Brian's POV

I'm glad those damn buses are here. Now we can get aboard and go back to sleep. Since this is one of our deluxe buses, the bunks are wider, which means me and JT can share a bunk. Looking over at him right now, he looks like he can barely make it. Chad has awaken now and believe me when I say that little boy isn't a morning person, he isn't. Walking over to the both of them, I kiss JT on his cheek and turn him around as he smiles, happy I guess to see that the buses had arrived. Maybe now he can get some rest since he's been up far too long. I just wish he were able to get some rest yesterday, but rest for him was far in between.

*** Flashback ***

A Studio Across Town

"Okay girls ya'll need to tighten up the chorus a little bit," Dan, the engineer says as Kess looks over to Tayla and she looks over to Nikki.

"What you looking at me for? You the one that messed up that damn `C'. If you couldn't hit that note, you shouldn't have tried it," Nikki says as JT walks into the room.

"Come on girls, we don't have time for arguing," JT says, walking over to stand between Nikki and Tayla. "Why don't we go through `My Funny Valentine' again. Nikki why don't you take the lead on this, Kess you can do backgrounds."

"Are you sure about that JT?" Nikki asks him as he nods his head.

"Alright people, the music is cued up. Take it from the top. Whenever you're ready Mrs. Cavanaugh," the engineer says as JT walks out of the room.

"Okay here goes everything," Nikki says, closing her eyes as the music started.

My funny valentine
Sweet, comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Oooh, mmm

Your looks are laughable
Yet, you're my favorite work of art
Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little bit weak?
When you open it to speak, are you smart?

"That's good," JT says, interrupting Nikki as she gives him a mean look. "I think you girls are ready for the show. Just rehearse `Get Ready' and `My Funny Valentine' and I think you girls will do just fine."

"So you say," Nikki says, walking out of the room.

"Take five or something," JT tells them, walking out of the room to go after Nikki. "Nikki what's wrong girl?"

"I don't know if I can do this JT," she tells him, turning away from him.

"Why not Nik-Nik?" He asks her, placing a hand on her shoulder as she turns back around.

"I'm a little bit scared...scared that I'll fuck up," she tells him as he moved closer to her and hugged her.

"Girl I have faith in you. I'm sure things will go alright. You know the words to the songs and ya'll been rehearsing most of the day."

"Yeah we have, but I...I don't know if the butterflies in my stomach will allow me to not screw this up for everyone," she tells him as she pulled away from him. "I don't even know why I'm this upset about something like this. I can do this."

"That's right girl you can," he tells her as the door opens behind him and Tayla and Kess walked out into the hall.

"Come on girl, we're breaking for lunch," Kess says, grabbing Nikki by the hand, leading her away from JT as he stood there waving at her.

*** End Flashback ***

He and the girls didn't get back home last night until way after twelve this morning and here we are already up and boarding these buses. Flopping down on the couch next to JT and Chad, I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek as he just held Chad in his arms.

"He's still asleep?" I ask him as he nods at me. "That boy can sleep through anything I believe."

"Yeah, I don't care what goes on, this boy ain't waking up any time soon," he tells me as I took Chad out of his arms, walked back to the back of the bus with the little boy and placed Chad in a bunk and covered him up. "I think that should work out for him."

"Good, my arms are sore for right now," he tells me as he lies back on the couch, rubbing his neck as I pulled him into my arms.

"Baby you need some sleep," I tell him as he looks at me with those tired eyes of his and just sighs.

"I need the sleep, but I fear I won't get it anytime soon," he tells me as I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his forehead. "It's after five now and we're all supposed to be up to get things started around eight. Three hours isn't going to cut it for me."

"Well get those three hours anyway," I tell him, kissing him again as AJ, and Howie got onto the bus.

"Where are Kevin and Nick?" I ask them.

"They on the buses with the girls," AJ replies as Howie walks past me and heads for the bunks and gets into one.

"Alex what's going on with him?" I ask him as I could here JT snoring a little bit. "He hasn't said two words since I last saw him on Saturday."

"Kevin didn't tell you?" He asks me, looking down.

"No Kevin didn't tell me. W hat's going on? What did I miss?" I ask him.

"The other night, Joey raped him again," he tells me as my eyes went wide.

"Joey did what!?!" I shout as JT shot up in the seat.

"What's going on?" He asks, looking around the room in a hurry.

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to shout like that," I tell him, kissing his forehead and pulling him back into my arms.

"Calm down Brian. We called the police on him and that's why he went to jail," AJ tells me as I put two and two together to get a big bloody ass four.

"Why didn't you guys tell me this before now?" I ask him as he looks down.

"Well it's not like you've been around that we could talk to you," he tells me as I frown at hearing that. He was telling the truth about that, I haven't been around for anyone to tell me anything. I was loosing touch with my friends, but that's not my fault, that's Nick's.

"I'm sorry," I say, looking back up at him. "How is he handling things?"

"Well as you can see, he's not talking to anyone, not even me," he tells me, a few tears falling from his eyes.

"Are you still in love with him?" I ask him as he looks up at me and the expression on his face gave me the answer I was looking for. "Have you told him how you feel?"

"No I haven't, I'm scared to," he tells me as the bus starts to move. "With all the things Joey's done to him, he's still in love with him."

"You're kidding right?" I ask him as he shakes his head in the negative. "How can he be in love with a guy that beats him and now has raped him?"

"That's just Joey's sick brainwashing tactics," he tells me as a few tears even escaped my own eyes. "With all the crap that Joey tells him, he believes it. He believes that no one will ever love him, so he takes Joey's abuse."

"We got to do something about that," I tell him. "If those guys are going to be coming on tour with us, we have to do what we can to keep Joey away from him and try to keep the drama to a minimum."

"Is that going to be possible Brian?" He asks me, getting comfortable across from me on the other couch. "From what I've heard, he and Lance Bass had a rocky past and it's threatening to cause problems for us and the girls."

"Don't worry about him and Lance. If Lance causes problems for him, I don't mind releasing the beast on his ass. He best kept his distance from my man. I've heard a lot of the shit he did to JT and that shit ain't kosher. From my view of things, Lance Bass is a heartless bastard that needs to be put out of his misery."

"Maybe so, but Joey deserves the same fate," he says to me as the lights above us start to dim.

"Thanks Jerry," I say as he waves at me. "I just hope this doesn't turn bad for us. We've all put up with too much crap and put a lot of effort into the tour. We don't need anything bad happening to fuck things up."

"Amen," he says as I grab one of the blankets from behind the couch and spread it over me and JT.

"I think I'm going to do like him and take a nap too," I say as I lay back, position JT so that we could lay down. "I'll talk to you later."

"Alright," he says as he grabs a blanket, but gets up and heads for the bunks.

An Hour Later -- On Diamond's Bus

Kess' POV

Finally things are somewhat okay. I'm glad we're on the road now, heading off to the first stop on the tour which will be in ATL. The original plan was to do a few stops here in Florida, but Trey and Johnny decided that we should go to Georgia first and then do the Florida stops on our way back here.

When everyone arrived this morning, I thought there was going to be some massive drama when JT started eyeing Nick like he could beat the hell out of him. From what I've heard, Nick had a run in with JC Chasez of «N Sync and some blows were passed. Before anything could turn into Nick getting another beat down, Kevin and Justin were holding JC back to keep him from pouncing on Nick. All that fucking drama because he's jealous of Nikki's relationship with the man. He needs his ass beat royally for that shit. If he keeps this up, I'm sure JT is going to cap his ass. He needs to get a fucking clue; Nikki's not some thing he can control.

*** Flashback ***

Yesterday Evening -- Outside of Jive Entertainment in the Parking Lot.

Nick's POV

It seems some people don't understand simple damn English. I told him yesterday to stay away from her and from the looks of things earlier; he doesn't understand how to do that. I can't believe I caught them having lunch together at a fancy ass restaurant, laughing and touching like they were in love and shit. I warned him and now he's going to pay for that shit. What the hell is his problem anyway, going behind my back and messing with the woman I love? I'm gonna bust his ass!

"JC Chasez I need to have a fucking word with you," I said, grabbing him by his arm and spinning his ass around to face me.

"What the hell is your problem Nick Carter?" He asked me, a look on face that told that he wasn't in the mood for any shit right now.

"You're my fucking problem Chasez!" I shouted at him. "Are you fucking dumb or something?"

"Excuse me?" He said, stepping closer to me. "What did you just say?"

"I asked if you were fucking dumb or something," I said flatly, not backing away from him. "It seems you're still hanging around Nikki after I told you not to. You must be fucking dumb or something."

"Like I told you yesterday, you can't make me stay away from her. She's my friend and she's the only one that can stop me from being around her," he told me, getting up in my face as Lance and Justin were walking out of the building, heading towards us in the parking lot. "It's not like you're married to her or anything."

"You're not either Chasez," I told him as he shook his head at me. "Why is it that you hang around her? Are you out to get something from her? If so, you're too late, I already hit that and I'm not planning on sharing that gold mine with anybody."

"What did you fucking say?" He asked me, grabbing for me as Justin, Lance, and Kevin ran over to us. "I know you didn't just say that to me!"

"I said it and I'll say it again!" I shouted at him as Kevin got in between the two of us. "Is that it? Are you getting angry that I get to her and hit that before you could? I kinda figured that's what you were after, but I bet you to it. I'm sure you don't want Nick Carter seconds."

"Why you fucking bastard!" He screeched, lunging towards me as Kevin grabbed him along with Justin, the both of them pushing him back to keep him from getting to me.

"Nick I think you need to shut the fuck up!" Kevin shouted, turning around, using his back to push JC back. "Get on before he gets past us and kicks your ass!"

"What the fuck ever. If he wants to fight, bring that shit," I told him as Kevin shook his head as JC stopped struggling and walked away. "Just what I thought, fucking pussy."

"Nick I think you need to shut up! All of this could have been avoided if you had just left him alone. He's her friend for God fucking sake. You need to let that jealousy crap go. It ain't worth it. If you keep acting like this, you're going to push her right into his arms," Kevin told me, walking past me.

*** End Flashback ***

"Hey girl what you doing up?" I ask, sitting down next to Nikki who was looking out of the window watching the scenery go by. "What's with the worried look on your face suga?"

"Huh? Oh hi Kessa," she says, a far away look on her eyes.

"Nik what's going on?" I ask her, sliding closer to her and grabbing her hand. "Something's wrong sweetie, what it is?"

"Nothing's wrong Kessa, what makes you think that?" She asks me.

"Well since you're somewhat stuttering and you haven't looked at me since I've been sitting here, I say you're occupied with something real big. Now tell me what it is girl," I say as she closes her eyes and looks down at the table.

"He called me this morning," she tells me.

"Who called you?" I ask her, looking back to see that Nick was still sleeping up front. "Nick?"

"No, Jason called me this morning on my way to meet up at Jive," she tells me as I look at her closely.

"What? What did he say?" I ask her.

"He's not happy that I'm divorcing him. He's not going to let me go Kessa," she tells me, a few tears falling from her eyes. "I...I can't continue living like this, looking over my damn shoulder wherever I go. I have to get away from him, but I don't know how."

"You are away from him honey. You're with me and JT and loads of security," I tell her as I hug her. "You also have Nick too. I'm sure he's not going to let anything happen to you either."

"You know Jason just as well as JT does. You know he has connections everywhere. I'm surprised he hasn't already found me. I might have to leave Kessa, I don't want the rest of you getting hurt for me," she tells me as I shake my head at her.

"Girl we're not going to get hurt," I tell her, holding her hand. "Did you tell JT about this?"

"No and you can't either," she tells me, more tears falling from her eyes now as Nick starts to stir up front.

"Okay I won't tell right now," I tell her, looking around to make sure that Nick and Kevin were not waking up.

An Hour Later -- Atlanta, GA -- Hard Rock Cafe


I feel so refreshed now after sleeping the last few hours. I know I need and want more sleep, but it's time for us to get going with today's events. We're here at the Hard Rock Café in Atlanta and the guys are talking with the sounds guys of the establishment to get things set up to their liking. Walking back onto the bus to get Chad, I overhear what sounds like someone crying. Stopping at the first bunk I got to, I pulled back the curtain to see Howie lying there under the covers.

"Howie is there something wrong?" I ask him, kneeling down face level with him. "Come on man talk to me."

"Just leave me alone please," he says to me as I get up and pull the curtain back.

Walking further back to where Chad was sleeping, I pull the curtain back so that I can get my son up. Gently rubbing his back, I try to wake him up as he snorts and turns over. I kinda figured that he wouldn't want to get up right now. Like me, he went to sleep late too. Looking in the bunk above him, I grab his bag and open it up, looking for something for him to wear. Picking him up and opening the bathroom door, I walk in with him so that he could get washed up and dressed for the day.

Lawd he's just like his mother when it comes to getting all the sleep he wants. He totally acted like her the first night when he was trying to hog the covers from me and Brian. We almost froze because of him. When it comes to sleeping and staying warm, Chad doesn't care who around him freezes in the cold.

I so do miss Tasha sometimes. When I look at him, I sometimes only see her. Since he's been with me, I never knew how much I really missed her. She used to trip me out with her sleep habits too. I guess he gets this from his momma, I don't act like this. When it's time to get up, it's time to get up and get a move on. I remember Tasha would laze around and threaten to kill anyone that disturbed her sleep. She just couldn't start a day without a good ten hours of sleep. Just one of her perks that I so miss experiencing. When we were in bed, she would do crazy things in the middle of the night that totally shocked the hell out of me. She would always position her body so that she could use me as a pillow. Chad reminds me so much of her.

"Chad son you need to wake up," I tell him, shaking him a bit, trying to wake him up without dousing him with the water the way I wanted to.

"No daddee, I want to sleep," he whines, struggling with me to get away. "I wanna sleep."

"Well sorry kid, it's time to get up. Stop struggling and let's get you cleaned up so we can get going," I tell him.

"No daddee, I want to sleep," he says again, this time forcefully pulling away from me.

"Boy, have you lost your mind?" I ask him as I grab him by his arm, turning him around to look at me. "You better wake up. Keep this up and you gon mess around and catch a daddy beat down."

"I don't care, I want to sleep," he tells me, turning around again and bumping into the bathroom door. "Owwww."

"Boy I ain't gon let you work my nerve," I tell him, turning the shower on in the small bathroom and taking his clothes off.

"What you doing?" He asks me as I pulled his shirt over his head. "Stop! No, I want to sleep!"

"Boy, don't make me beat you," I tell him as he starts stomping his feet like that was going to get me to stop.

Getting his pants and underwear down, I opened the shower stall door again and placed him in the shower. When that water hit his ass, he was wide awake. Scaring the hell out of me, he started screaming like someone was killing his ass.

"Chad? Chad what's going on in there?" I hear Brian ask on the other side of the door. "Are you alright kid?"

"He's fine," I say, standing up now and opening the shower stall door as he's standing there looking at me like he was ready to go a few rounds. "Boy you got beef?"

"No daddee," he says, breathing hard and closing the stall door back.

"When you're done bathing, I better see an improvement in that attitude of yours or you won't like me," I tell him, walking out of the bathroom to join Brian.

"Baby what's going on?" Brian asks me, standing there at the door. "Why was he screaming?"

"He just got a rude awakening," I tell him, giggling a little bit as Brian just looks at me funny.

"Baby what did you do to him?" He asks me, getting an angry look on his face.

"I told him multiple times to wake up and he was actually fighting with me to stay in the bed to sleep, so I pushed him into the shower. It should have been a cold ass shower. That boy lucky. If that would have been my momma, she would have pushed his ass in, turned on the cold water and left him there for the hell of it. At least I got the water warm for his ass. If it was cold that would have shown him a little bit faster on how to get some peep in his step." I explain to him as he just shakes his head at me. "Well I'm being truthful."

"I know you are baby," he tells me, still shaking his head. "He screamed as though you were trying to kill him."

"If he keeps acting like a spoiled brat I will," I say as I hear the water stop and the toilet flush. "I guess my little drama queen is down showering."

"Behave baby," he tells me, knocking on the door. "Chad you okay buddy?"

"I'm fine!" Chad shouts as I moved towards the door, but Brian held me back.

"Boy what did you say?" I asked, not moving from where Brian was holding me, but I was ready to beat that lil' hellion's ass.

"JT stop it. He's just a lil grumpy. He's tired and still sleepy," Brian says as I glare at him.

"Brian I'm tired and sleepy," I say to him, pushing him away from me and opening the damn bathroom door. "What did you say to Brian?"

"I didn't say anything," he replies, turning around quickly as I grab him by his shirt.

"Boy don't you sass me! I've had a long night and I'm not in the mood to deal with this little attitude you've developed," I tell him as he just waves his hand at me like he was trying to dismiss me.

Before I knew what had happened, I had smacked his lil ass and he was looking at me like I was crazy. Closing my eyes and walking out of the room quickly, Brian looked at him and then at me. Walking off the bus and heading away from the group, I needed to just get away from everything and just calm down before I royally screwed up.

Behind the Backstreet Boys' Tour Bus -- A Few Minutes Later

Brian's POV

I don't know what to say about what I just saw happen back there. I knew he was stressed out about coming with us, but I didn't think he was that stressed that he would smack Chad on the ass like that. From what he said and what I heard earlier from Chad, the kid probably needed more than just that whack on the ass but oh well. After JT had ran off the bus, I checked on Chad to make sure he was okay. He was a little bit shocked that JT had actually popped his ass like that. Hell I was a little bit shocked to, but he's not my kid.

Walking around outside looking for JT, I finally spotted him sitting on the curb behind the bus. Walking over to him and sitting down beside him, he just looked at me and shook his head. Draping my arm over his shoulder and hugging him, he started to cry.

"Baby..." I say but he shakes his head and held up his hand.

"Hush Brian," he says, sniffling. "I hit him."

"Yeah and?" I ask him, not knowing what to really say to him.

"I'm a bad father," he tells me, getting up and walking away from me. "I let my anger get the better of me and I hit him. I've hurt him and probably fucked him up."

"Chad's alright baby, just a little shocked is all," I tell him as he just shakes his head. "I checked on him before I came looking for you. He's alright baby. He's not hurt I don't think, just didn't expect you to smack his ass the way you did. With the way he was acting, he probably needed more than just that one whack on the ass."

"That's right I hit him when I shouldn't have. Regardless if he was being difficult, I shouldn't have hit him Brian," he tells me as I walk over to him and hug him.

"Baby calm down," I tell him. "So you spanked him, big deal. He was misbehaving and you gave him a whack. I'm sure your mom and dad gave you a pop here and there when you needed to behave."

"Yeah that's true Brian, but it's not his fault," he tells me, sitting back down on the curb and holding his face in his hands. "How am I going to fix this?"

"Just go talk to him. You'll see that he's okay. He might be a little pissed off that you whacked him, but he's a kid. They all get pissed when they get into trouble. I'm sure he's not new to getting spankings baby. I'll bet you that his mom gave him a few," I tell him as he gets up again and heads back for the bus. "I'll be out here if you need me."

"I might need to just take us home and do this some other time," he tells me, getting onto the bus and disappearing from my view.


Brian does have a good point. I'm sure that Tasha probably beat his ass some time in the past for something he did wrong. I don't know why I'm stressing out over this; it was just one swift smack to his ass. He was misbehaving and I spanked his ass for it. He was wrong for the way he was talking to me and the way he was acting when I tried waking him up. He knows better and there's no excuse for his attitude. I'll just go back there and have a talk with him.

"Chad," I say as the curtain to the bunk he was in slides back and he steps out. "Come up here, we need to talk."

"Daddee I didn't mean to be bad, honest I didn't mean it," he says, looking at me with tears in his eyes. "Please don't send me away, please..."

"What? I'm not sending you away Chad," I tell him, thinking that he would actually bring that up at a time like this as I grabbed him and pulled him into my lap.

"I'm sorry I was bad," he tells me.

"You should be sorry Chad," I tell him, looking him in the eye. "None of this stuff would be happening right now if you'd just done what I told you to instead of fighting with me. I love you Chad, but I'm not going to put up with the way you acted earlier. I know you have issues with mood swings, I have them too, but that's no excuse for how you acted. My mom didn't let me get away with stuff like that and I'm not going to let you either."

"I wasn't trying to get away with anything daddee," he tells me as I glare at him. "Really I wasn't. I just wanted to go back to sleep. I'm tired daddee."

"I understand that son, I'm tired too, but we have other things to do for today," I tell him as he lays his head on my arm. "Once we're done with everything, I promise you, we'll go to the hotel and take a long nap."

"Okay daddee," he says as I hug him. "We need to go find Brian and go get breakfast before his stomach falls out and rolls across the floor."

"Daddee that wasn't funny, it was very lame," he tells me as I stop and look at him. "Sorry."

"Well it could have been better, but oh well," I say as we step off the bus as Brian is standing there smiling at me.

"I'm ready to eat," he tells me as he leans in and kisses me on the cheek. "I want food right now, but I think I'll want a little bit of you later."

"Someone is being very naughty," I say as he kisses my ear.

"Yeah I'm being naughty right now baby, are you going to do something about it?" He asks me.

"Brian, don't start," I tell him. "I still owe you a beat down for messing with Stevie's song the other night."

"I sang that song well," he tells me as I start laughing.

"Your heart was in the right place baby, but your voice doesn't go with that song," I tell him as I stopped walking and looked at him.

"What?" He asks as Chad stops walking too and turns and looks at me.

"This..." I say as I clear my throat and start singing.

Hey there boy did ya happen to know
Wherever you go I'll follow
Ooh baby like a cool breeze
On a summer day
When you're near me
I don't know what to do
I feel like a fool
Like a school girl
True blue girl
Who wants to know
Can you come out and play
You make me feel the way
A man is supposed to feel
Let me show you
Show you that my love's for real

I'll be the rain in your summer
The chill in your fall
I'll be watcha want
Anything at all
I've got a love for all seasons
A love for all time
I'll be the fire in your winter
The sun in your spring
I'll do what you want
Give ya everything
I've got a love for all seasons
A love for all time

I'll be there for you
Keepin you warm
Through the storm
I'll guide you
Stand by you until the stars
Fall from the sky
When you call me
I never hesitate
Makin you wait for my love
Never lie love
It's something that I just can't deny
I'll read your each and every feelin
When you need me to
So now I gotta let you know
This love's for you

I'll be the rain in your summer
The chill in your fall
I'll be watcha want
Anything at all
I've got a love for all seasons
A love for all time
I'll be the fire in your winter
The sun in your spring
I'll do what you want
Give ya everything
I've got a love for all seasons
A love for all time

"Oh my God," Brian says, his jaw dropping along with Chad's as I was about to go into the next verse when I noticed that people had gathered around us and were clapping.

"Daddee I didn't know you could sing," Chad says as Brian just stood there looking at me dumbfounded.

"I didn't either," Brian says as Kess and Nikki stood there laughing.

"We did," they said in unison as Brian turns to look at them and then back at me.

"Surprise," I say as he just stares at me as I grabbed Chad's hand and resumed walking along to the place where we would have breakfast.


Author's Note: My Funny Valentine by Chaka Khan. I didn't write the song, don't own any copyrights to it, nor did I perform it. You know the drill here.

Author's Note: Love for All Seasons by Christina Aguilera. I didn't write that song either, don't own any copyrights to it, nor did I perform it. You know the drill here.


I don't know any of the members of «N SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned. I don't know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay). This story is fiction and you shouldn't take it for anything else but that. This is for entertainment value only folks.