I'm lost, I'm lost without you baby, The days aren't the same the nights are cold and gray, I need you in my life, If not now then someday... --- Vanessa Williams
Lost Without You
Chapter 25, Part E
by
JT Poole and
Nicole Brown
It's a little before seven and the show is getting ready to start. I just kissed Tayla for good luck and took my place up here in the VIP section. All the guys are getting ready for the show and it's just me, Johnny and Chad sitting up here tonight. From the sounds of things going on through Johnny's headset, the guys are doing their damndest to get things on the ball. Before I could think about anything else, there was a loud explosion and the lights came on as a familiar beat started playing and we all heard Nick talking.
"Yeah...uh huh...so seductive," Nick says as the spotlight hit him and he stomped out on stage wearing clothes that made me think twice about liking girls more as I noticed he was singing Candy Shop by 50 Cent.
"Lawd naw he's singing Candy Shop. Who in the hell told him he can rip off Fitty's song long that?" I say as Chad was bouncing around like the little girls down in the audience area.
"I take you to the candy shop. I'll let ya lick the lollypop. Go `head girl don't stop. Keep going `til you hit the spot...whoa," Nick sang out as another spotlight came on and the curtain went up and Nikki stepped out on stage singing with him. What the hell!
"I'll take you to the candy shop. Boy one taste of what I've got. I'll have you spending all you got. Keep going 'til you hit the spot...whoa," Nikki sang as she shimmied out close to Nick, shaking her ass back and forth.
"You can have it your way, how do you want it? You gon' back that thing up or should I push up on it? Temperature rising, okay lets go to the next level. Dance floor jam packed, hot as a teakettle. I'll break it down for you now, baby it's simple. If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho. In the hotel or in the back of the rental...on the beach or in the park, it's whatever you into. Got the magic stick, I'm the love doctor. Have your friends teasin you 'bout how sprung I gotcha. Wanna show me how you work it baby, no problem. Get on top then get to bouncing round like a low rider. I'm a season's vet when it come to this shit. After you broke up a sweat you can play with the stick. I'm tryin to explain baby the best way I can...I melt in your mouth girl, not in your hands...ha ha," Nick sang as he started grinding up against Nikki's back.
What the hell is that bitch doing now? I can't believe she's up there on that stage shaking her ass like that and lover boy up there with her. If I didn't know any better, I'd say what Tommy Lee told me about them was really true. I wonder just how far that bitch and him don gone.
"I take you to the candy shop. I'll let you lick the lollypop. Go 'head girl, don't you stop. Keep going 'til you hit the spot...whoa," he sang as he spun her around and started rubbing up against her from the back.
"I'll take you to the candy shop. Boy one taste of what I got, I'll have you spending all you got...keep going 'til you hit my spot...whoa," she sang, moving seductively up against him as she went down to the floor a little bit and then slide back up against him, clearing rubbing against his manhood now.
What the hell are they doing? I didn't know they were singing together and I didn't know they were going to sang that song. Lawd please don't let any media critics be out there tonight, if so, this might not go well scandal-wize. If either one of them would have mentioned to me that they were going to sang that, I would have flat out said no. When I get my hands on Nick and on Nikki, I don't know what I'm going to do to either of them right now. I best get calm so I won't fuck up while I'm singing out there. This will be my first time actually singing in front of that many people and I don't want to look like a fool.
"Girl what we do," Nick says, moving down Nikki's body as she smiled at him.
"What we do," she sang, moving her hips from side to side now.
"And where we do," Nick says, spiking his hips up as Nikki gasped.
"What we do," Nikki says, pushing her ass back and moving down again.
"The things we do," Nick says, stepping back and then forward again as he put his arms around Nikki's waist.
"Things we do," Nikki says, leaning into Nick now.
"Are just between me and you," Nick sang as he kissed Nikki's neck now.
"All hell naw," I say, shaking my head now as I turned to walk down the corridor as I heard Nikki moan the last part of her verse.
Oh my Fucking God, I can't believe they're out there doing that song. I don't know where JT is, but I bet he's having a fit right about now. I hear that the fans are enjoying the show so far, but from the way Nick is sounding and the moves both of them are doing, I can tell that both of them are past hot and bothered.
"Give it to me baby nice and slow. Climb on top, ride like you in the rodeo. You ain't never heard a sound like this before. Cause I ain't never put it down like this. Soon as I come through the door she get to pulling on my zipper...it's like it's a race who can get undressed quicker. Isn't it ironic how erotic it is to watch her in thongs...had me thinking 'bout that ass after I'm gone," Nick sang, moving around Nikki's body as he openly readjusted himself and then wrapped his arms around her from the back, letting his hands touch her breast briefly. "I touch the right spot at the right time...lights on or lights off, she like it from behind. So seductive, you should see the way she wind her hips in slow-mo on the floor when we grind...as long as she ain't stoppin, homie I aint stoppin'. We drippin wet with sweat man its on and popping. All my champagne campaign, bottle after bottle it's on and we gon' sip til every bubble in every bottle is gone."
I don't think I'll be able to continue on like this. We're here singing and dancing together like this and all I can think about is dragging her to a dark part of the stage and making love to her. It's getting hard for me to remember the words to this song and I'm glad it's almost over. I think we're going to need a quickie or something before my next sex...I mean set.
"I take you to the candy shop. I'll let you lick the lollypop. Go 'head girl, don't you stop. Keep going 'til you hit the spot...whoa," I sang as I pulled her close to me, and started rubbing down her body.
"I'll take you to the candy shop. Boy one taste of what I got, I'll have you spending all you got...keep going 'til you hit my spot...whoa," she sang, moving seductively up against me again as she went back down to the floor a little bit and then slide back up against me, sending shivers throughout my whole body.
"I'll take you to the candy shop. I'll let you lick the lollypop. Go on girl don't you stop til you get to my spot," I sang, stepping back from her and looking down again to see that I still had a big problem to deal with.
"I'll take you to the candy shop. Boy one taste of what I got, I'll have you spending all you got. Come on boy don'tcha stop. Keep going until you get in my spot...whoa," she sang, turning around to face me as she started shaking her hips again and turning around bouncing in front of me as the music started to fade out and the curtain started to lower in front of us.
"Damn baby I didn't think I was going to be able to finish that song," I tell her as I pulled her to me, kissing her on the mouth as I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the backstage area as we passed Kess and Tayla.
"Where ya'll going?" Kess asks as we ignored her and kept on moving. "I hope they know JT's looking for them. He's going to jump down their throats when he gets to them."
"We can't worry about that right now," I yelled back at her as we disappeared around the corner. "I got somebody—I mean something to do!"
Nick was all over me as soon as the door to the dressing room closed behind us. His hands were everywhere as we worked to get me naked at least from the waist down, cause after that little performance, oh yeah, he's gonna be fuckin' me as soon as these panties come off! I hopped up when Nick lifted me, sliding down on his cock in one swift movement that made me gasp. Damn, I forgot how big his dick is when he's excited! He backed up towards the couch, sitting down with me still firmly on him. His lips found mine and the ride started for real. He death-gripped my hips, controlling my rhythm so that we could get maximum pleasure in the amount of time we had.
"Damn I missed you," he whispered against my neck as he licked at my hot spot. My pussy reacted by clinching him so tight, he groaned and cursed as I rode him harder. "Baby, slow down... we have awhile before we have to be back!"
"I know... but I need... this," I told him, gasping when he hit that spot inside me that could make me climb the walls. He looked at me, smirking when he recognized that look, stroking my spot over and over as I clung to him. "Nick, no! Fuck! I...I have... to... oh FUCK!"
Nick dragged my mouth down to his, muffling my screams as I came all over him. I felt his orgasm start inside me as he filled me to overflowing. We both sat panting like we'd just run a 100 yard dash, sweaty and sated as we pulled apart. I went into the bathroom, cleaning myself up while I surveyed the damage to my hair and makeup, which was minimal.
Thank goodness, I thought as Nick walked in and started kissing my neck again.
"Hmmm, we'll have to finish this later," I moaned, slipping out of his embrace so he could use the bathroom. When he came back out, he sat beside me, wrapping himself around me as he placed gentle kisses on my forehead.
"Do you regret what just happened?" he asked, resting his head against mine.
"Not one bit," I replied, turning into his kiss as if we were made to be together. We shared one more passionate, lust inducing kiss before he took my hand and we headed into the backstage area to look for the rest of the family so we could get this show on the road. Suddenly, I came to a dead stop as a thought came to me about some potential repercussions of our little tryst. "Shit! Nick, we didn't use a condom again! What if—what if I get pregnant?"
"We'd just be having a baby," Nick replied solemnly, kissing me soundly as he pulled me into his arms. "We'll just have to be more careful in the future, just in case, but I wouldn't mind having a baby with you. I told you, I want a family with you... and besides, we'd have a beautiful and hella talented kid."
"Oh," I said, smiling at the gleam in his eye. "You're serious, aren't you?"
"I'm very serious," Nick replied, kissing me quickly before we walked the rest of the way back to our staging area. He pulled me to him, kissing me one last time before going to find the rest of the Boys. "I'll see you later, babe...and remember, we're finishing where we left off later."
I moaned at the unspoken promises in his voice, kissing him again. I latched onto his bottom lips, giggling when he moaned out loud and pulled away, albeit it reluctantly, and went to find the Backstreet people. I watched him walk away, fascinated as always by the ghetto booty he was packing, and wondering how on Earth the white boy got blessed with all that junk in his trunk. I giggle snorted, shaking myself as I went in search of Momma Kess so we could go over our songs one last time before we hit the stage.
Damn, life is good again, I thought with a dreamy smile as I put my game face on so we could get everything ready to rock the house tonight.
Okay JT get a grip already. I don't know why I'm so jumpy. I've sang in front of people before and I don't know why I feel like turning and running away like a scared little girl. Tayla just came over to me and gave me the `okay' sign that she was ready and Brian is smiling that ten thousand watt smile of his. Looking at him, I know I'll get through this and I know everything will be alright. I have him and I have my son and I just know I can do this. I just need to do what I practiced with him this afternoon and all will go okay.
When I told Brian that I wanted to sing with him tonight and told him the song I wanted to sing, he started laughing, but quickly calmed down when my expression didn't change. He was happy that I wanted to do it and that I wanted to try to get past that fear of stage fright I have. With that, we started practicing it and afterwards I made some modifications to the shows performances tonight.
Seeing that Nikki and Nick did a number together and now me and Brian are about to do one, the fans might think it's a couple's night or something. Mind you Tayla will be out there with us, but it'll be just me and him since Tayla will be accompanying my vocals. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I stood over in the corner and said a silent prayer. Just as I opened my eyes, Brian walked back over to me and kissed me full on the mouth. Walking towards the curtain, Brian blew a kiss to me as the music to Hip Hop Star by Beyonce started playing. As soon as Brian walked out on the stage the fans went crazy again.
"Pure playas pure playas..." Brian says as he walked towards the edge of the stage as the spotlight shined down on him. "Slowly as sir luscious step up like a q-dawg...A-town's up, deuces down it's the new call...and you can dial 1-888-cut-something...I'm your kinky operator when you wanna f--- some...ain't no dial tones just milestones, of pleasure to reach. To each his own, I'm a stone cold Aquarian freak...Humanitarian, barbarian but under the sheets...It's the player from the point...And your boy from the deep."
As he sang the last part I was stepping out onto the stage and a spotlight lit up and shown down on me, almost blinding me and making me lose my footing as I slowly stepped up behind Brian and I could hear Tayla in the back making different noises to go with the song.
"Are you infatuated with me? I could end your curiosity. If you don't think I'm too rude...here's your chance to make your move...I sit and wait for no-body. People say that my...my style is so oh crazy...I think you like it baby...Do you want to get nasty...I dare you to undress me," I sang, standing behind Brian now as I stepped around him, and moved up on him as some gasps went out among the fans and the first row of the audience.
Did I just fuck up or what? A few of these women are looking at me like they're ready to claw my fucking eyes out or something. Hell he's my man.
"Baby let me know if you wanna roll with a hip hop star...bamboos on, my pants down low...I'm a rock star," I sang out, moving to the other side of Brian now as he smiled at me and I leaned into him like I was going to kiss him. "Baby let me know if you wanna ride with a Hip hop star...I'm a rock star."
I'm moving back around him now and I catch a glare from one of the young ladies in the front row. If that bitch don't know she betta ask somebody.
"Do I blow you away? Do I...stimulate...your mind? Would you...taste...my love if I give you time. I have none to waste with you...I guess you can say...my style is so oh crazy...I think you like it baby...do you want to get nasty...I dare you...to undress me," I sang as I wrapped my arms around Brian's waist while he stood behind me and I moved down his body a little bit as I sang the verse. "Baby let me know if you wanna roll with a hip hop star...bamboos on, my pants down low...I'm a rock star...Baby let me know if you wanna ride with a hip hop star...I'm a rock star...Undress me undress me...come...come baby undress me."
Stepping back from Brian he smiled at me again and leaned in like he was going to kiss me as he caressed my face. Stepping in front of me, he started grooving so he could sing his verse.
"Take off that tank top and pull off yo draws...the boys all pause, got them drippin down the club walls. Aw naw! getting to the nappy root. Sexin with the heat on, damn I keep it real!" Brian sang as he made a move like he was smacking my ass and moved around to the other side of me. "I'm a cool type of fellow, I'm always mellow got the gold medal...never settle for less my rose petal...tooey, tooey, tooey! spit game! Venom to get it up in 'em, let me "p" pop that thang...first check his brain to see if he's sane, deranged or strange or crazy as hell..."
"Oh oh," I say as he smiled at me.
"You never can tell these days...everybody got a little Rick James running through they veins..."
Before Brian could turn around good and start the next verse, someone in the audience threw a pair of dark grey boxers on stage and both of us moved back. I wasn't about to touch does durty things. I don't know where they've been.
"The way I feel oh boy I know it's bout to be...me all over you and damn boy you all over me," he sang, twirling me around as he stopped me and held me in his arms.
"Baby let me know if you wanna roll with a hip hop star...Bamboos on, my pants down low I'm a rock star," I sang, stepping back now as he pulled me back closer to him as we started grinding a bit as some guys in the audience went wild. "Baby let me know if you wanna ride with a hip hop star, I'm a rock star, I'm your rock star."
We were finished singing and were out there dancing as the music continued until it faded out. The curtain was coming down and Brian pulled me close and kissed me in plain sight before the curtain fully hid us from view. Melting into him, I wrapped my arms around him and we had our own passionate make out session as we heard a throat clearing behind us. Coming up for air, I opened my eyes to see Johnny standing there with my son next to him.
"Daddy you two were great," Chad says, hugging me now. "I love that song."
"I bet you two made a lot of waves tonight," Johnny says, crossing his arms now.
"You love that song? What're you doing listening to Beyonce at your age?" I ask Chad as he looks down at the floor now.
"Well mommy used to listen to her," he says as I lift his chin and kiss him on the forehead.
"It's okay kid," I tell him as I pulled him to my chest to hug him now. "I don't care about waves being made right now. All I care about is my son and my man here."
"Maybe so JT, but you know the media is going to go crazy with what happened out there with you two and what went on with Nick and Nikki. What were you guys thinking when you decided to sing those songs?" Johnny asks, looking at me closely now.
"Well you know we're known for show stoppers and that's what keeps the music and image fresh. As long as someone out there in the world is taking about what we're doing, then there's that special publicity there that people would always want to know what's going on with the Backstreet Boys and Diamonds'," I tell him as he cocks his head to the side and smiles.
"You're right," he says as I kiss Brian as he looks at his watch and hugged me.
"Baby I have to run," Brian says, rustling Chad's hair. "I have to get ready for our set."
"I'll see you later baby," I say as he runs past Johnny out of the door. "Come on kid let's go enjoy the rest of the show."
The show is almost over and I've actually enjoyed myself here tonight. I've never been one to attend a Backstreet Boy concert in the past because I didn't find any of the guys interesting enough, but tonight after seeing this show, that view of the guys have changed drastically. Yeah I'm a hardcore «N Sync fan, but I might have to let these guys into that group now. Walking back towards the area where Justin told me to meet him after the show, I bumped into a strange looking man wearing all black and fell backwards to the ground. Instead of the guy being nice and offering me a hand up, he shot me the bird and walked off. How rude!
"How rude guy," I say as the guy kept walking down the tunnel that lead to the under stage area.
Getting up and dusting off my clothes, I turned just in time to see a guy that looked just like rocker Tommy Lee walking in the same direction as the other guy. Getting a little bit suspicious as to why they would be heading to the under stage area, I tiptoed down the tunnel as I got close enough to hear what they were talking about.
I couldn't understand much about what they were talking about, but the jist of it was that the first guy is the husband of the woman from the first song of the show with Nick Carter and that he's not happy about that little interaction between the two of them. Since all of them are on stage now, he think it's time to put his plan into motion. I wonder what his plan is and what is he going to do with all of them on the stage. Before I could think about anything else, the guy pulled a strange looking device with a blinking red light out of his pocket. Laughing at the other man, the guy that looked like Tommy Lee pulled a cell phone out and started dialing some numbers. Turning around now, I bumped into another guy and he screamed, alerting the other two that I was there. Fuck, I got to tell someone what's going on, I think there's a bomb somewhere around here.
"Stop that fucker! Don't let him get away Quentin!" The first man screamed as I was down the tunnel now, trying to figure out which way to go.
"Help! Somebody help! I think there's a bomb!" I shout as I turned to see the last guy running towards me.
"What did you fucking say?" Another man asks, approaching me now. "Calm down kid. What did you just say?"
"Get your fucking hands off of me!" I scream out, hoping that someone else would hear me and come down here. "Get away from me man!"
"Kid calm down. I'm just trying to figure out why you were running the way you were," the guy says as some guys wearing security uniforms came over to us.
"Trey is there something wrong?" The first security officer asks.
"I thought he said something about a bomb or something," Trey says as he looked at me again and I started shaking my head quickly.
"Who the fuck are you?" The second security guy asks.
"I'm Cameron, I'm here with Justin Timberlake. We don't have time for this. I think there's a bomb around here somewhere. There's some men down there and one of them has a blinking red light in his hand and he said something about putting his plan into motion. I think he's going to blow up the people on the stage since he's down there under the stage!" I screamed out just as the guy named Trey looked up and then grabbed my arm and started running as the two security guys started screaming and then there was a loud noise and everything got hot.
What the hell is going on and what just happened? I see strange bright colors and smell smoke and I can only deduce that there's a fire somewhere here in the stadium. With all the screaming and loud noises that I'm hearing, people are panicking and freaking out like fat people at a buffet after all the food is gone. Sirens are sounding and buzzers are going off throughout the building. I have Chad here with me but for some reason he seems to be out cold. Trying to get the two of us out of this room, I get to the door finally and it's hotter than hell. Looking closely at my hand, I look around on the floor for anything I could use to open the door and didn't find anything. Ripping the bottom of my shirt, I grabbed the cloth and wrapped it the best I could around my hand. Opening the door, the flames shot into the room.
"Oh shit! I guess I can't go that way," I say, closing the door back and doing what I could to make my way across the room to the other door.
"Daddee what's that smell?" Chad asks me as he starts coughing now and rubs his eyes.
"Oh thank you Lord, my son is awake," I say as he continued coughing as I put him down on the floor as he bent over, trying to get his coughing to stop. "Don't breathe too much of the air in here son, the building is on fire."
"On fire daddy! We gotta get outta here!" Chad screams as he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door we just left from.
"No son, we have to go the other way," I tell him as he turned around and pulled me in the other direction.
"Daddy what are we going to do? Where's Brian?" He asks me as he started crying now.
"I don't know son on both questions," I tell him as we got to the door and I stopped him from touching it. "Let me make sure it's not hot."
Stepping closer to the door, I looked back at Chad and then turned back to the door. Reaching out to touch the door handle, I stopped. Thinking about what I actually needed to do, I grabbed the door handle and opened the door. Oh thank you Lord, this hallway was free. Grabbing Chad and picking him up into my arms, I ran down the hallway and got to the door that led to the stairs. Checking the door to make sure it wasn't hot, I opened it and leaned a little over the side as I looked down. Putting Chad down, I looked at him and pulled my cell phone out.
"Is it working daddy?" He asks me as I shook my head and slide it back into my pocket.
"No son it's not working," I tell him as I looked over the side of the stairs. "I guess we have to get down and out of here."
"Come on daddy, let's go," he says as we started walking down the stairs.
We got down to the first floor of the stadium and from what I was able to see, something bad happened here. There was fire, smoke and water sprinklers going off all around. We were standing in the backstage area and each place back there that I looked something was sparking or already burned to a crisp.
"Daddy what happened here?" Chad asks me as I picked him up and looked around the area more.
"I don't know son but we need to find the others," I say as I see someone coming towards us in the smoke-filled room.
"Daddy I think I see somebody," Chad says, pointing to the area where I was already looking.
"I know son, I see it too," I tell him as I put him down. "You stay right here and don't go anywhere."
"Okay daddy," he says as I walked closer to the person that was moving through the room.
"Hello...hello there," I say, getting closer to the person.
"JT...JT is...that you?" I hear what sounds like Kevin's voice.
"Kevin is that you?" I ask, trying to get my eyes to adjust to my surroundings to see him. "It's me JT!"
"Yeah, this Kevin," I hear as I got closer to him and he falls to the floor. "Damn it all to hell!"
"What's wrong Kevin?" I ask, getting up on him now as I bend down to help him up as he starts grunting. "What's wrong?"
"It's my leg, there's something in it," Kevin answers as I hear other voices around us.
"Do you know what's going on?" I ask him.
"Not really, I just know that there's smoke and fire everywhere," he answers as I hear something pounding on the walls.
"What the hell is that?" I ask, looking around as I move quickly back to the area where Chad was.
"Daddy I'm scared," he says, coughing again.
"I know son, I'm scared too," I say as the voices I heard got closer to us.
"Is there anyone back here!?!" Someone shouts as I look up to see a light and a man with a yellow suit on and an axe.
"Yes, three of us are here," I say, picking up Chad and moving closer to where Kevin was.
"Just stay where you are and we'll get you to safety," the man says as I stopped where I was and just waited for him to get to us.
Why does my head feel like its being used like a basketball, being dribbled up and down the basketball court? My body aches all over and I can barely breathe. Opening my eyes, I see that I'm lying on the ground on what feels like the ground, but I feel hot and wet at the same time. I don't know what's going on but something's not right here. Willing my body to move, I got up from where I was and opened my eyes. I'm outside of the stadium and I was lying on the ground face down. I don't know how I got out here but from the looks of things, I need to get back in there and save my woman. Damn this hurts too much, but I can't think about me, I have to think about Nikki, I have to protect her.
"Nikki! Nikki baby where are you?" I call out, running towards the stadium exit a few feet away from me.
"You there, STOP! I can't allow you to go back inside," a firefighter says, walking towards me. "We've contained the fire and we don't need it to spread out more."
"I have to get in there to find my girlfriend, she's hurt I just know it," I tell him as he shook his head at me.
"I can't allow you to go inside and get caught up with what's going on. There are too many people already hurt inside, you don't need to be added to that list," the guy tells me. "Just go back over there and wait with the ones we're bringing out."
"You're bringing people out?" I ask him as he nods and points around me to an ambulance and a crowd of people.
"Everyone that was in this area is being looked after right now," he tells me. "If you're looking for someone, they're probably already over there. I hope you find her in good condition."
"Oh God, Nikki, Nikki baby where are you!" I scream out, trying to run in the direction he was pointing.
I just can't believe all of this is happening on the last day that I get to spend with my baby. None of this stuff should be going on, I should be somewhere wrapped up with him making love, not sitting out here getting my arm wrapped up and my ankle bandaged. I just don't get what happened here tonight. We were almost off the stage when everything started jumping off. I don't exactly know what was going on but I know fire when I see it. The firefighters haven't said much about what was going on but I keep hearing small conversations about suspicious activities. If I didn't know any better, I'd day someone set the fire to cause all of this.
"Excuse me have you seen a black man with a mixed race little boy?" I ask, looking at the EMT guy that had helped me out of the building earlier.
"No sir I haven't," the guy tells me as I looked down at my arm and then my foot.
This is just fucking great. I don't think anyone will ever forget this show. The night that we were supposed to be having a good time and the stage ignites, going up in blazing, nearly killing us in the process. Since I've been out here, I've only heard from JC and that's because he made a big fuss about getting back into the building so he could go find Nikki. Talk about stuck up and conceited. That guy must be pussy whipped or something, he didn't care about helping them find anybody else, only her.
"This is getting out of hand, where is my man?" I ask, getting up and flinching in pain as my foot touched the ground. "Shit, I need to find JT and Chad. Everyone is being brought out of the building and I have yet to see them. I just found him and I can't lose him now. I got to find him."
Walking in the direction of the building, I see what looks like Nick rushing up this way. Trying not to focus on the pain, I wave my other arm at him and he walked over to me. Looking at me funny, he looked to my left then my right and then right at me.
"I'm looking for Nikki, have you seen her?" He asks me, holding me in place now.
"No I haven't seen her, have you seen JT and Chad?" I ask him as he looked at me like I was crazy.
"Why would I be looking for him? I need to find Nikki," he says, moving away from me as I lost my balance and fell backwards. Damnit, my arm!
When I get my hands on him after all of this is over I'm going to beat his ass like the little bitch he is. I can't believe he's so inconsiderate and conceited. Please God, please let JT and Chad be alright.
"Nikki!!!" I yelled frantically, picking my way through the destruction in the club. "Baby, where are you?"
I'd stayed behind at the hotel because I was so pissed with her, but something told me to get my ass down here pronto, and now I'm glad I did. Just as I was coming inside, there was a huge explosion then the stage where everybody was standing collapsed. I only caught a glimpse of Nikki before she disappeared, and I felt like my heart was in my throat.
Please, God, let her be okay, I prayed frantically as I helped one of the stage hands move broken boards in the stage area. I moved one last piece of wood, gasping when Nikki's face came into view. I redoubled my efforts to get her free, shoving material aside in my desperation to get her out.
"Help me. My girlfriend is trapped under here!" I yelled to a passing firefighter, straining to lift one last piece of flooring off of her. Between the three of us, we lifted the staging away, and I fell to my knees beside her. "Nikki? Baby wake up."
"Step aside sir," a paramedic snapped, pushing me out of the way and going to work on Nikki. They felt for a pulse, seeming to breathe a sigh of relief when they were able to find it. "Pulse is strong, and there don't seem to be any major injuries. We need to get her out of here so we can examine her more thoroughly. Hand me a c-collar."
They worked steadily, talking to each other in medical terms that I didn't really understand completely, but I knew enough from watching TV to know that something was wrong. The medics slipped the collar on her neck, moving quickly but gently to prevent any further damage from being done.
"Where are you taking her?" I asked, reaching out to stop them but someone grabbing me from behind prevented me from stopping them from taking her away.
"Don't," someone a voice said softly, pulling me away. I turned around to tell them to go to hell, but stopped when I met the concerned eyes of the firefighter who had helped me free her. "I know you're concerned about her, but they're just doing their jobs. Why don't you come outside where it's safe? That way you'll be able to ride to the hospital with her when she's stable enough for transport."
"A-alright," I stammered, watching in agony as the paramedics continued to secure my heart to a board to be taken to the nearest hospital.
Please be okay baby, I said softly as I walked out into the night air, gasping at the scene of controlled chaos. When I'd come in, I had been so intent on finding Nikki that I hadn't thought of anyone or anything but finding her and getting her out in one piece. Now that she was safe, I could only stare in disbelief as the paramedics brought out several white draped stretchers.
"Please, don't let it be one of the guys!" I said aloud, walking towards the bodies. I was just about to remove the sheet from the first when I heard a voice behind me again and turned to see the same firefighter who had helped me earlier.
"They're getting ready to move your friend," he stated, glancing behind me to the sheet shrouded bodies. "You can probably go with her if you'd like."
"Thank you—for everything," I told him, extending my hand. He smiled, shaking my hand with a firm grip. "You're really a hero for doing this. Thank you so much for helping me to save my heart."
"You're welcome—now go be with her while I do my job here sir," he stated, smiling grimly as he prepared to reenter hell. He glanced over at the sheet covered corpses, his eyes showing more sadness than I'd seen in years. "And make sure you remember just how much she means to you and tell her every chance you get. Not everyone will be as lucky as you both were tonight."
"I know... and thanks!" I called over my shoulder as I went in search of the woman I loved. I saw her in the distance being loaded into an ambulance and I took off at a run to catch up with the paramedics who where loading into the back of a waiting ambulance, when Nick appeared out of nowhere and demanded to see her.
"Oh God baby... I was so worried about you," he said loud enough for me to hear, kissing her tenderly. It was like somebody threw ice water on my heart, but I couldn't look away to save my life. So intent was I on watching them that I nearly jumped out of my skin when a hand touched my shoulder.
"Hey Josh," Kess said softly, whimpering softly when I grabbed her arm. I gazed back over at Nikki, my heart breaking again at the knowledge that I didn't really belong with her anymore, but I couldn't do anything about that now. "Be patient with her Josh. She does love you, but she loves him too."
"I know that Kess—I just don't want to lose her to him, you know?" I stated softly, my heart twisting again when Nick climbed into the ambulance with Nikki to ride with her to the hospital. "I'm going back to my hotel. Will you call me to let me know what happens?"
"Of course I will," Kess replied, smiling briefly and leaving me to go get attention for her own injuries. "Don't worry—Nikki is a fighter. I'm sure it's not as bad as it looks.
"God I hope not," I said under my breath as Kess walked away, favoring her side and limping.
I watched until the ambulance where Nick sat holding Nikki's hand pulled away from the remnants of the club, torn between a fierce desire to follow them and beat the shit out of Nick until she realized that he had no place in her life, and the reality that until Nikki said otherwise, I was persona non grata in her life. I would have given anything to have taken back the last 48 hours, but nothing would change for us unless and until Nikki realized that I was the man for her.
Here's hoping that she realized soon, because I don't know how much longer I can do this without killing Nick, I thought as I climbed into my rental and drove the long, lonely miles back to the hotel to wait for word of how the woman who held my heart was doing.
I can't believe all of this is happening right now. One minute I'm getting ready to walk off stage to go find Trey and then the next thing I know we're all flying backwards and the stage catches on fire and everything around us goes up in smoke. When I got to my feet, all I could see was fire, smoke and bodies lying around. God, what could've caused all of this? What have any of us done to deserve all of this happening?
"Excuse me can you tell me where I can find Kevin Richardson, Howie Dorough, Brian Littrell and Nick Carter are?" I ask the young lady standing behind the counter.
"You are?" The young lady asks me.
"I'm Alex McLean," I tell her as she looked at the list in front of her and then picked up a note pad.
"Mister Richardson is down in IC room number one, Mister Dorough is still in surgery right now," she says, typing something into the computer. "Mister Littrell is down in IC room number one and Mister Carter is in IC room number four."
"Why is Howie in surgery?" I ask her as she looks at me funny. "Mister Dorough?"
"Mister Dorough sustained a lot of injuries during the explosion and the doctors are working to keep him alive," the young lady says, frowning at me. "From what the EMTs told the doctors he has some spinal trauma and there's some internal damage because of a steel beam falling down on top of him."
"What! Oh my God! No, this can't be happening to him, he's been through too much already," I say, covering my eyes now. "Why D? Why did he have to be hurt like that?"
"Hey, hey, hey, Alex you need to calm down," Kess says, walking over to me and pulling me away from the nurses' station.
"I don't need to calm down! The man I love is somewhere in here hurt!" I shout at her as she looked at me funny.
"Who are you in love with?" Kess asks, looking at me funny now.
"Howie," I say as she looked at me, her eyes going wide. "What're you looking at me like that for?"
"You're in love with Howie? How does Kevin feel about that?" She asks as I wonder what she's talking about.
"What does Kevin have to do with anything?" I ask her.
"When Howie's concerned he has everything to do with it. Hell didn't you know they've been sleeping together for God only knows how long?" She asks me as I'm sure my eyes bugged out now.
"What! What da hell do you mean they've been sleeping together?" I ask her, ready to slap her for saying some shit like that. "That's not true, Kevin wouldn't sleep with Howie, he has you and that ho Kristin!"
"Apparently you didn't get the damn memo," she tells me, turning her back to me as I grabbed her arm and swung her around. "Don't be pulling on me like that playa!"
"You're a lying bitch! Kevin knows how I feel about Howie. He would never sleep with the man I'm in love with!" I shout at her.
"Whateva you say. Just go ask him yourself, but remember I told you. Just rang the alarm before you go off," she tells me, walking away from me now as I see JT, his son and Brian walking down the hall.
What the hell is wrong with this day? It seems like nothing's going right and here I am up in the damn hospital with cuts, bruises and a fucked up arm. I can't even feel my damn arms right now and I hurt all over. Every time I move the pain just travels all over my body. Fuck this!
The doctor just left out of here and basically I just wish this day was already over. I'm in pain and I don't want to feel it. The more I move the more pain I feel. The doctor told me to take things easy for a couple of weeks and take the pain medications that he prescribed to me. Since I've been sitting in here I've been asking everyone that will listen what's the status of Nikki's condition. I don't know what's wrong and I'm starting to think the worst since no one won't answer me since they took her into another room.
While I was with her the doctors were working with her the best they could under the current situations. When we got here to the hospital they wouldn't let me go with her and brought me here. I did my best to stay calm but watching all the stuff going on around wasn't helping my disposition. Before I knew what was going on, they wheeled me into a room with Brian and left me there. Talk about bad fucking luck.
Why in the hell did they put me in here with him and his fucker of a boyfriend JT? I'm in no mood to deal with either of them and just sitting here watching and listening to them is sickening me. Just look at them fawning over each other! They should learn to restrain themselves or something. If not for themselves, at least do it for the people around them. Everyone doesn't want to see them trying to inhale each other's face.
"Alright Mister Littrell you're ready to leave. Just be sure to stay off that ankle and keep your arm secured like it is now. If you follow the directions and take the medications I have prescribed for you, you'll be a-okay," The doctor tells him as I say a silent prayer.
"So is he going to be okay?" JT asks, looking like the stupid mofo he is.
"He's going to be fine as long as he follows directions. Be sure to keep him on the straight and narrow," the doctor says, smiling at him. Yeah right, two gay guys can't stay on the straight and narrow.
"Oh he will follow directions doctor," JT says as he turns around and smiles at Brian now. "Why don't we get you to the waiting room so I can go check on the others?"
"Alright baby, just go slow," Brian tells him as he hugged him around the neck as Chad picked up the papers off the exam table and they moved to leave the room.
Someone up there must be granting wishes right now. I'm glad the doctor said he can go. I'm tired of seeing the two of them. I'm sorry he's in pain but I'm in more pain just watching them. I know my injuries aren't as bad as his but hell just saying them kiss is enough to cause a normal person to go into heart failure or something. With him he has a sprained ankle and a broken arm. The doctor said he has cuts and bruises across his chest and back. When I heard that I got concerned about his heart, but before I could ask about that, JT did. Brian's heart is okay, but like the doctor told me, he needs to take it easy for a few weeks too. He and JT both almost freaked out when the doctor told him that if the sprain would've been higher than where it was on the bone he might have never been able to walk on that foot again. I thank God that he's alright health wise but I wish God would just split the two of them up and let them go on their own separate ways. I don't like JT and I just wish he'd get a damn clue and leave Brian alone, he's caused enough problems as it is now.
I want nothing but the best for Brian, I just don't know why he doesn't see that JT isn't the person or sex for him. He needs to be with a woman, a woman that can show him the love and affection that he needs. He can't get what he wants and needs from a man. If he continues to live like this, God is going to show him that he's angry with him and I know he doesn't want God angry with him. I overheard them talking and it seems they are hell bent on getting married as soon as they get back to Orlando. Hell we're not even finished with the tour and the way Brian's talking, we never will. What the hell am I going to do now?
Getting up and walking over to the door, I stop in my tracks when I see some orderlies pushing someone on a bed towards the room. Stepping back, the door opens and my heart almost stops when they push in Tommy. Oh my God, what the hell happened to him? He looks so terrible and vulnerable lying there like that as the doctors and nurses are working with him. Stepping closer, I hear them say something about him being close to the explosion and that his brainwave activity is ceasing. Oh God, Oh God, is he dying? He can't die, I just can't lose him! We've gone through too much together for me to lose him! Oh God please save him, please keep him alive for me!
"Oh fuck that was good baby," Aaron Carter said, collapsing in a sweaty heap beside the nameless dark haired twink, exhausted after their marathon sex session. "Why don't you go ahead and get showered... you know how hard it is to get the lube off when it dries."
I think I'll do that," the man responded, standing beside the bed and stretching, giving Aaron a hellafied view of his delectable ass. "Are you coming?"
"Nah... you go ahead," Aaron replied, turning on the TV, flipping channels absentmindedly. "I might still join you though, so be ready for me stud."
He watched the man leave with a sense of relief, glad to have gotten rid of him so easily. He had picked the young man up at a party earlier the previous evening and had spent a little over twenty four hours lost in his tight ass and amazing mouth, but for the life of him, AC couldn't recall the man's name. So caught up was he in reliving his memories of the time he'd shared with the nameless twink, he almost missed MTV News interruption of their lineup to break the story.
"What he hell?" he shouted, turning back to MTV and watching in disbelief as the venue where he was almost positive Nick's concert had been flashed across the screen again.
And in entertainment news, the Backstreet Boys concert in Louisville, KY at the famed Cardinal Stadium was the scene of an explosion that claimed the lives of at least three members of the Boys' touring entourage, as well several member of the audience. Injuries to Nick Carter, Brian Littrell, and Howie Dorough, as well as Nicole Cavanaugh, one of the members of the female singing group Diamonds, who were opening for Backstreet during the tour to rave reviews, have been confirmed, but details about their conditions remain guarded. Information is sketchy at this time, but there is some talk that the fire was not accidental in nature. We will bring you more information as it becomes available, Ian Robinson stated. I'm Ian Robinson for MTV News.
"Oh shit... Nick!" Aaron cried as he grabbed his clothes, running into the washroom where the nameless fuck showered in ignorance.
He washed himself quickly in the sink, not wanting to chance having the guy think he was ready for another go round of sex. He was almost dressed and out the door when ass man came out of the bathroom toweling his hair dry and singing softly. He stopped short at the sight of a fully dressed Aaron.
"What's going on baby?" the man asked, smiling seductively as he sauntered towards Aaron. "Where are you going?"
"Look I gotta go," Aaron stated, walking to the door without a backwards glance. "There's $20 on the dresser—call yourself a cab. Have a good night and thanks for everything. I'll call you the next time I'm in New York and we can party again."
"But you don't—" Aaron heard him call, but he was already long gone.
"Hey you," I heard someone say as they came into my room. Josh, is that you?
"Yes it's Josh, and since everybody here seems to have forgotten about me, I just wanted to come see how you are."
I'm okay babe--just really, really tired and afraid of the dark. Why can't I wake up Josh? What's wrong with me?
"The doctors told me that you should be okay," he explained tenderly, stroking my hair. "They said besides some cuts and bruises, all we have to worry about is the bump you got on your head. They just don't know—you're too hard headed to let something like a little bump keep you down."
Ha, ha, ha funny man, I thought sourly, smirking at him in my mind. We'll see how funny you are when the nookie train derails on you. Oh wait—we haven't had sex since Nick attacked me. Carry on!
"I—I saw Nick ride here with you, and I know how much you love him, so I promise you that I won't stay here long," he stammered and I knew without seeing that he was blushing. "I just needed to know that you're okay before I leave you to be with him."
Leave me alone? I thought, frowning at the forlorn way he was talking to me now. What do you mean leave me alone?
"I know now that Nick is the one you want," Josh told me, sighing deeply. "I know too that you love him much more than you love me, and I'll have to learn to live with seeing you two together. I just hope to God he never hurts you, because if he does, I'll finish what Kess started!"
I just love it when you get all alpha male on me babe! I thought with a grin, grimacing when my head began to pound for real. Shit! This headache is no joke—and why do my eyes burn so much?
"I just wish you could see how much I love you too!" he said fiercely, squeezing my hand tightly. Hey! It's still attached! "I love you so much Nikki, but I see now that until your heart is healed, you'll never really be able to accept what I'm offering you. I know now that I can't love you well anymore than you can continue to block out what he did to you. Please baby, come back to me whole again!"
Trust me, I didn't block out what he did to me, I thought angrily, my heart rate increasing as memories of those few hours came hurtling back at the speed of sound. I only told you I loved him so you two wouldn't fight Josh—I never intended to go back to him permanently. I just didn't want you to hurt him because of me.
"I'll leave here and never come back if you want, but I have to know once and for all that he's what you want," Josh stated, kissing my hand. "I have to know that your heart isn't still longing for him when we're together—and I have to know that the wounds on your heart and soul can be healed... and that you want them to be."
More than you know Joshua...more than you know, I thought with tears in my eyes as he began to sing for me.
"Wounded heart I cannot save you from yourself. Though I wanted to be brave, it never helped. `Cause your trouble's like a flood raging through your veins. No amount of love's enough to end the pain," Josh sang softly, stroking my face.
I'm here baby... and I love you too, I thought, struggling against the darkness. I'm coming back to you. My heart is not that wounded... we can make this work!
"Tenderness and time can heal a right gone wrong, but the anger that you feel goes on and on. And it's not enough to know that I love you still. So I'll take my heart and go for I've had my fill."
No Josh--please stay with me! I shouted inside my mind, fighting harder to break the hold the darkness had on me as he sat humming the break in the song. I can't lose you, not when I've just gotten you back! I have to get back to you!
"If you listen you can hear the angel's wings. Up above our heads so near they are hovering, waiting to reach out for love when it falls apart. When it cannot rise above a wounded heart," he sang, his voice breaking on the last note, but he caught himself and sang, "When it cannot rise above a wounded heart."
I felt him rest his head against the bed near my hand, sighing as he poured his heart out to me, begging me to wake up so we could get back to being happy again. I gave one final push against the dark, slitting my eyes open just as my fingers reached out to run through his hair. He jumped, shouting and holding my hand as he kissed my hand.
"Welcome back," he said softly, resting his forehead against mine as he held me like he would never let me go. "You had me scared there for a minute."
"Not as scared as I had me," I told him softly, my throat hoarse from whatever they had done to me. I blinked several times to clear my still darkened vision, but nothing seemed to be working. "What happened to us tonight—and could you please turn on the lights? It's so dark in here."
It's a little bit after twelve and we're just now getting back to the hotel. Today has been one of those days and I'm glad it's over. I'm tired and in need of some well deserved sleep. It's like I've been running off fumes for the last few days because I don't remember ever lying doing long enough to get a full night's sleep. With the way things have been going I don't think any of us have gotten much sleep lately. The way Brian looks right now I know he's tired and judging from the way Travis had to put Chad into bed, that boy is passed sleep.
"I need some help, baby can you help me out?" Brian asks as I turn around to see that his shirt was stuck while he was trying to take it off.
"Sure baby," I say, giggling at him now. "Then again I should just leave you that way and take advantage of you."
"Honey, please don't do that. The way I feel right now, it wouldn't be a good idea," he tells me as I get the shirt over his head. "Thank you for helping me out baby."
"You're welcome, handsome," I tell him as someone knocks on the room door. "I wonder who that can be at this time of night."
"It's probably one of the security guys baby," Brian says as I walked over to the door to see who it was.
To my surprise it was Travis, Chad's tutor and he didn't have a good look on his face at the moment. Letting him into the room, he looked at me and then frowned. Okay I don't like the way this is going.
"Okay Travis what's going on?" I ask him, looking at him strangely.
"JT I have some bad news right now and I don't know how you're going to take it," he tells me as I look at him funny now.
"What kind of bad news Travis?" I ask him as he frowns.
"I just got word about what actually happened at the stadium tonight," he tells me, standing in front of me now.
"What actually happened tonight Travis and why are you looking at me like that?" I ask him, moving over to the sofa in the room with him. "Come on Travis, why don't you just sit down and start from the beginning."
"To start, tonight fire wasn't a fire at all JT it was something far worse. Everything we saw tonight like the fire, the destruction, the endless pain and suffering...oh God JT, all of that was the end result of an explosion below the stage," he tells me as Brian walked over to me and sat down, leaning against me.
"Oh God Brian he said that fire was caused by an explosion," I say as Travis looked down now.
"The firemen that surveyed the scene down there found the remains of multiple explosive devices and other destructive paraphernalia below the stage area and in various places like beams connected to the stage and power generators. The saddest part about it was that the firemen found some tour security guys dead along with your friend Quentin and a police officer named Jason Cavanaugh. They also found two unknown men and rocker Tommy Lee down there too, but they weren't dead," Travis explains as both me and Brian looked at him funny.
"What the fucking hell! I knew something bad was going to happen with him here!" I shout out, looking at Brian now.
"You don't know that for sure baby," Brian says, frowning at me now as he winces in pain.
"Brian Jason was under that damn stage at the concert and he caused all of that carnage!" I shout out, turning around as Brian nods his head now. "I should've known he was up to no good when I found out that he had paid her a visit this morning. He found out she was here and did this to try to kill her and the rest of us just so he could get rid of her to keep his secrets secret!"
"I don't think that guy is the cause of all of that JT. The EMT guys that took him into the hospital got out of him before he died that he was here in town following a criminal that he suspects that orchestrated all the stuff that happened tonight," Travis tells me as I shook my head at him.
"Travis you don't know Jason like the rest of us do! What you're saying can't be the truth here. If someone was a criminal it's Jason! Jason wasn't here looking for no damn suspects, he's the damn suspect. Jason was here to cause problems for Nikki and that's it! He caused problems for her and the rest of us and it seems like he almost got his fucking wish here today," I say, looking down now. "I'm sad for Nikki right now because before we left the hospital, I asked the nurses for an update and they couldn't give me one. Because of Jason the doctors are still working on her. I hope he rots in hell for all that's happened here today."
"Baby you shouldn't ever wish anything like that on a person, regardless if they are bad," Brian says, shaking his head at me.
"Brian the man is pure evil incarnate! The man is so evil he makes Jason Voorhies and Al Capone look like fucking angels!" I shout as he draped his arm over my shoulder, trying to calm me down.
"Baby calm down, you're going to wake up Chad and possible disturb everyone on this floor," he tells me, leaning in and kissing me on the cheek as Travis looked away quickly.
"Daddy is there something wrong?" Chad asks, walking into the room, rubbing his eyes now.
"See I told you baby," Brian says, smiling at Chad as he walked over to the two of us and climbed into my lap.
"I couldn't sleep with all the yelling," he says, laying his head and Brian's lap now and making himself comfortable as he tried to go back to sleep in both of our laps.
"I'm sorry kid," I say, looking at Travis now. "Was there anything more you heard Travis?"
"That was pretty much it JT," he says, frowning now. "What's going to happen with this tour now? Will it continue like this, be cancelled or postponed?"
"I don't really know Travis. This all seems so unreal to me but looking at Brian here and thinking about all the things I've seen tonight, the nightmare is totally real. As of right now since I don't know the status of everyone, the tour is temporarily postponed. Once I know what condition everyone's in then I can go from there."
"So will you continue to need my services then?" Travis asks, looking at me now as I looked over at him and saw something there in his eyes.
"I will need you around as long as he's not in school," I say, motioning at Chad's sleeping form.
"Well you got me as long as you need me," he tells me, getting up now. "It's a little after one in the morning, I think I best call it a night. Have him call me when he's up again."
"Will do," I say as he waved and walked for the door.
"You three have a good night," he says, opening the door and walking out.
"Baby what are you going to do?" Brian asks me now. "Our lives have barely started together and we have to deal with all of this."
"I know Brian, I know," I say, shaking my head now. "There's just too much going on right now. Once I find out what's happened to everyone then I can figure out what my next move is going to be. I've been trying to call Trey and Johnny and haven't been able to reach either of them."
"Did you try calling Alex to reach him?" Brian asks, looking at me now as he winches in pain when his foot touched the floor.
"Yeah and I haven't been able to reach him through him either. With all this stuff going on right now, I'm going to wait until I can talk with some people at the hospital and find out who's actually there and who's not. Right now I think that's the only right I have left to go."
"So are you going to leave today?" He asks me.
"Brian I can't leave this tour like this now. There's too much going on for me to leave things as is," I tell him. "Once I get the report from the police and the fire department and get a tally of what's going on with everyone, then I'll make my decision on rather I should go back home or not."
"Right now I want to go someplace, any place rather than being here now," he says, sighing now.
"Well we can't leave anyway, not until morning," I tell him, sliding Chad's legs out of my lap as I got up. "And not until I find out what the status of everyone is."
"Then can we blow this joint? Oh, sorry, bad choice of words baby," he says, shaking his head now. "I'm scared and I don't want to stay here baby. I want to go back to your home with you."
"I want to go home too baby but we can't just up and leave yet," I tell him as a phone in the room starts ringing.
"I think it's yours baby," he says as I locate my phone in the chair across from where we were sitting.
"Hello?" I say into the phone, turning to look at him when I hear Johnny's voice.
"JT I just heard what happened back in Louisville. Is everyone okay?" Johnny asks me as I sat down in front of Brian, covering my eyes now.
"That's something I don't know right now Johnny," I answer him as Brian looks up at me now. "I have no idea of where half of each band is at right now. Brian's here with me and Nikki's at the hospital that I know of. I have yet to hear from Kess, Tayla, Nick, AJ, Kevin or Howie."
"Things are that bad JT?" He asks as I sigh now as we continued talking for about another hour of me telling him about everything that happened at the stadium and at the hospital. By the time I hung up the phone, I was ready for sleep and looking up again, I see that Brian was nowhere in the room.
Damn, I'm in pain now and it's keeping me from sleeping. It's almost morning now and it hasn't been long since I took the last pain pill. It's a little after six now and I just took one of the pills around four. With a broken arm, a sprained ankle and all these cuts and bruises, it's no wonder I hurt, but I wish I didn't. The doctors told me that my arm and ankle should heal up within a few weeks as long as I didn't cause any more damage to either and that the cuts and bruises will heal when they can. I can't believe that explosion happened because of Nikki's husband. All those people got hurt because he couldn't bear to see her happy away from him.
Now that most of us that were on stage when the explosion occurred got hurt, the tour has been put on hold until we're able to perform again. From what I heard JT and Johnny talking about earlier this morning, there might not be a continuance of the concert after all this crap hits the news stations. I don't care how hard he or Johnny try, they can't stop the press from airing our dirty laundry. Before the end of this day I'm sure the whole world will know about my relationship with JT if they don't already know, Nick's affair with Nikki, her husband and all the other things we're trying to keep hidden. I can already see this is going to be a long and bumpy journey for me, JT and Chad.
"Oh God I can't take this pain," I say aloud, rolling over in bed, hoping I can get out of bed without touching my ankle too much.
"What are you doing Brian?" JT asks, rolling over now as he sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes now.
"I'm hurting and I need something to ease the pain baby," I tell him, hopping over to where he left my medication.
"It's too early baby," he tells me, getting out of bed now as Chad rolled over, kicking him on the leg. "Owwww, this boy sleeps like he in the ring fighting Ali or somebody."
"Yeah I already know that baby," I say frowning, picking up the pill bottle now. "He socked me in the side twice and then slapped me across the face."
"Why didn't you wake up and smack him for that shit?" He asks me, yawning now.
"I'm not going to hit him, baby," I say, hopping over to the bottled water he'd left in the room earlier. "I don't believe in blind beatings baby."
"Hmph, you may not but I do," he says, laughing now, getting what I was saying. "Hell my momma used to beat my ass when I was asleep. She didn't care any other way as long as she beat my ass."
"Is that why you spent so much time with your grandparents and aunt?" I ask him as he nods.
"Yeah but let's not get into that right now," he says, getting up and stretching his arms and rubbing his chest now.
"I feel grimy, will you help me shower baby?" I ask him as he walked over to me and kissed me on the cheek.
"You know I'll do anything for my baby," he says, groping my ass now. "Let's get you into the bathroom and get you cleaned up."
"Sounds like my fiancée is trying to take advantage of me," I say as he smirks at me, taking my good arm as someone knocked on the room door stopping him in his tracks.
"Who could that be this early in the morning?" He asks, looking at me now as he helped me over to the sofa to sit down as he walked over to the door. "Who's there?"
Brian sat on the sofa watching me as I looked through the peephole and shrugged my shoulders, not seeing anyone out in the hallway. Turning to look at Brian, I unlocked the door and decided to open it and take a look out into the hallway. To my surprise, before either of us could say or do anything Jackie, Nikki's mother was standing there in front of me, looking like she was ready to beat the hell out of me.
"John Timothy Poole where is my chile?" Jackie asks, eyeing me closely as I stepped aside as she walked into the room. "I'm waiting boy! Don't make me ask you again."
"J-Jackie what're you doing here in Louisville?" I ask her as she shook her head at me now.
"I'm asking the damn questions here boy!" She shouts, scaring me a little bit, making me step back away from her.
"Okay then," I say, looking down now as she started snapping her fingers at me. "Hey hey, don't be trying to space out on me nigga."
"I'm not trying to space out on you Jackie," I say to her as she starts side eying me.
"Jackie it's too early in the morning," I tell her as she shook her head again.
"Boy, don't play with me and don't be trying to talk no shit. You know why I'm here in the first place," she says, stepping in front of me and waving her finger from side-to-side in my face. "I'm shocked at you right now. I thought you loved my chile, but I see I was wrong in trusting you with her."
"What?" Brian says, getting up off the sofa and trying to hop over to where I was.
"Balls up white boy," she says, turning to look at Brian as he came up behind me.
"I do love her Jackie but that doesn't answer the question to what you're doing here at this hour in the morning," I say, looking at her now as she raised her hand like she was going to hit me.
"You damn well know why I'm here JT!" She shouts, scaring me a little bit more now.
"Okay, maybe we should go sit down Jackie," I say, turning to help Brian back over to the sofa as he sat down and I sat on the other side of him.
"I don't fucking need to sit down right now JT! I want to know why it is you haven't taken care of that white boy that hurt my chile!" Jackie shouts, stomping her foot in front of me now.
"Now wait just a minute here! That white boy happens to be my friend," Brian says as Jackie turned and looked at him as I shook my head for him to shut up.
"White boy I know you his fiancée and all but what we're discussing right now has nothing to do with you! Shut yo' narra ass up and don't you say nothing more to me," She says as Brian closed his mouth and turned away from her quickly. "As I was saying, why haven't you taken care of this problem JT?"
"Jackie it's not that simple and you know it," I tell her as she shook her head again. "When all that crap jumped off, I was going to do something about it but Nikki told me not to bother him, that she herself would handle things. She didn't want me or Kess interfering."
"Boy no one said life was simple but taking care of the white boy that hurt my baby is just plain and simple. All you had to do was cap his lil narra ass and he would've known the errors in his damn judgment. You can never trust a man to do a woman's work," Jackie says, turning and sucking her teeth now. "Um, um, um, looks like I'm going to have to cap his ass myself."
"Jackie none of us can go around shooting people right now," I tell her as she grabbed me by my arm and yanked me up from the sofa.
What the hell! Please let this be my imagination working ahead of me and she didn't just actually yank me up from the sofa. Please God, please just let this be some bad fantasy going on right now. Lawd, why did I have to open the door and let this crazy woman into this room? If I would've seen her ass out in the hallway when I looked through the peephole, I would've done my best to act like we weren't here or something. I can't handle this right now. She's expecting me to be killing someone and I can't kill the boy right now, regardless of how much I would like to. I have a child to look after. I can't be going and getting into any more trouble. Chad doesn't need me taken away from him right now. Hopefully she'll come to her senses and put me down.
"...And you'll do what I tell you to damnit! Do you hear me talking to you JT?" She asks as I snapped out of my trance as she was shaking me now like a rag doll.
"Jackie, just stop this," I say, hoping she wasn't going to hit me.
"I want to know are you going to do what's right and put that boy behind bars?" Jackie asks me as I just stood there and sighed.
"Jackie my goal when this happened was to put him behind bars but Nikki wouldn't let me. She said that if someone called the police she wouldn't press charges against him. Besides that, the State Police is looking for him as it is now," I tell her as her eyes widened.
"How do you know that?" She asks me.
"When we first got here the state police was looking for her to get a statement from her. The tour doctor reported her attack to the police and they put two and two together to figure out that he did it since he wasn't here with the rest of us at the time," I tell her as she shook her head.
"So why isn't the boy in jail?" She asks as I shrug my shoulders. "Speak up boy, yo' momma taught you better than that."
"I don't really know why he isn't in jail Jackie. Since we've been here, too much stuff has happened. Between her rape, Kess' crap with Kevin, Trey's affair with AJ and this explosion, I don't think anyone has had any time to really point the finger or grab anybody," I tell her as she sat down now.
"Alex's having an affair with Trey?" Brian asks as Jackie looked up at him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to speak."
"Better be," Jackie says, looking at me now. "So where is she right now?"
"She's at the hospital and that's all I know Jackie," I tell her. "When we left this morning, the doctors were still working with her. Since Josh was at the hospital with her, I decided to come on back with Brian and Chad."
"Josh is with her?" Jackie asks, looking at me funny now. "As in Joshua Chasez, the crazy white boy from In Sink that wouldn't marry her?"
"Y-yeah," I say as she hopped up out of the chair she was sitting in. "Jackie what are you doing?"
"I have to get to the hospital now," she says as I look at the clock on the wall.
"Jackie it's almost seven, it's not even close to visiting hours yet," I tell her as she shook her head at me.
"Boy you forgot who I am," she says, grabbing her purse and turning around. "I'm going to find my baby."
"Jackie, wait," I say as she turned and looked at me with that look on her face that said she was ready to start punching and taking names later. "Never mind."
"I'll see you later and you tell that lil mannish boy of yours that I got something for him too," Jackie says, walking to the door as I looked at her and then Brian. "After I see about my baby, I'll handle the rest of ya'll."
It's been a long night. Ever since I woke up last night and told Josh I couldn't see, people I can't see have been in and out of my room, poking and prodding at me, taking blood, ordering tests, but not telling me a damned thing about why I can't see. Now this fuckin' doctor is telling me that I'm blind, and honest to heaven it's pissing me off!
"Doctor, I know I can't see!" I snapped, frustrated as all hell now. "It's kinda easy to figure that shit out when all I see is darkness! Now if you can't tell me why the hell I can't see any fuckin' thing, then you need to fall out of my damned room!"
"Ms. Cavanaugh, please calm down," the doctor tried speaking in a calming voice, but damn it, I'm scared and calm is not on the play list for today!
"Calm down my ass!" I shouted, sending the bedside table flying in frustration. "I-I want my eyes back and you're n-not helping me!"
"Baby, calm down," Josh said softly, taking my hand in his and caressing it gently. "We all know you're afraid, but you have to listen to what the doctor's telling you so you can know what to expect."
"I don't want to know what to expect—I want to be able to see!" I cried, angry now because I felt like even he was abandoning me to handle this on my own. "I want to be able to look into your eyes and see how much you love me...I-I can't do this! I'm not strong enough to do this by myself!"
"You won't be by yourself baby... I'll be right there with you every step of the way," Josh told me, kissing me now. "All you have to do is hold on to me and I'll help you any way I can. I won't leave you."
"Promise me you'll stay," I stated, holding his hand in a death grip. Any other time the desperation in my voice would have made me sick, but I'm terrified of everything now. Why is this happening to me? "I need someone... I can't be by myself—promise me you'll never leave me."
"I won't leave you—but only if you promise to listen to what the doctor says and do everything he tells you," JC stated. I could almost hear the smirk in his voice, damn him.
"That's not nice Joshua Chasez!" I snapped, wiping the tears from my eyes with a heaping helping of irritation. "You can't blackmail me when I'm already emotionally distraught. That's not cool... not cool at all."
"Doesn't have to be cool baby," he quipped, grinning yet again I'm sure. "As long as it works, I'm all good."
"Anyway Ms. Cavanaugh," the doctor interrupted with a smile in his voice. My eyesight might be gone, but my ears seem to be picking up the slack quite nicely. "As I was saying before, my colleagues and I have studied your test results and have come to a consensus that your blindness was probably caused by the flash from the explosion combined with the shards of glass and wood that struck you in the face as you fell. We've removed all the fragments, but now it's up to your body to heal itself."
"Does that mean I'll get my sight back?" I asked, hoping and praying for a miracle, but none would be forthcoming.
"It's entirely possible that that could happen," the doctor replied, but something in his voice told me he didn't really believe that load of bull. "But Nicole, you need to be ready to live the rest of your life as a blind woman..."
"No!" I shouted, pushing JC away from me and turning away from the sound of the doctor's voice. I will get my sight back, damn you! I won't live my life like this!"
"Nikki, stop it!" Josh yelled, his voice betraying just how upset he was about my diagnosis. "The doctor only said that there's a chance that you might not see again! You just have to be patient and allow your body to heal itself. Screaming and yelling at everybody who tries to help you isn't going to make this any better!"
No the damn hell this son of a bitch didn't just yell at me like that! I was about to tell him about himself when I was interrupted by a ruckus out in the hallway. The voice sounded familiar, but I shook my head, knowing it couldn't be her... but one more ghetto yodeling session and I knew the truth—Jackie was in the house, and the shit was about to get real crunk and disorderly!
"Where is my baby?!" I could hear her bellowing at anybody in uniform. "Somebody up in this bitch betta tells me where my chile is or it's gonna get crucial up in here this mornin'! Nikki! Baby Girl, where are you!"
"Damn, damn, damn!" I cried, clawing at the sheets to get myself out of the bed. Of all the things in this world I don't need, Jacqueline Howard on the rampage is at the top of the motherfuckin' list!
I'm killing Kess when I see her ole skank ass again! I thought with a fierce scowl as I tried to get out of bed, but was stopped before I could make a run for it.
I know I had to look like a deer in the headlights just then because somebody took my hand and kissed it. (I'm praying it was Josh—if not, eww!) I touched his head and breathed a sigh of relief—it was indeed Josh. Before I or JC could stop him, that poor, unsuspecting physician walked over to the door, probably to see what all the ruckus was about. Before he could open it, Hurricane Jackie—packing gale force winds and a determination to see yours truly—blew ashore at about a category six.
"There you are!" she hollered loud enough to wake the dead as she made her grand entrance.
In full regalia, no doubt dragging half of hospital security with her, I thought with a sarcastic smirk that disappeared when JC stood up to speak to her.
"Hey Miss Jackie—" was as far as he got before I heard what sounded like skin meeting skin and somebody hitting the floor.
"Josh???" I said frantically, groping blindly and hoping that Momma hadn't done what I thought she'd done. "Momma, what did you do to him?"
"What I shoulda done a long time ago!" she retorted, coming over to me now. "Baby Girl, what's wrong with you? Why you acting like you can't see what I just did."
"Probably because she can't see what you just did Jackie," Josh stated, coming to sit beside me on the bed. He held me tight, rocking me tenderly. "Before you came in, her doctor had just finished telling us that she's blind."
"Lawd, why is this happening to my baby?" Momma wailed, practically snatching me out of Josh's arms. "It's okay baby girl. Momma's here now... we gon get through this together."
"Momma, I don't need you to baby me!" I snapped, but I knew full well that what Jackie wanted, Jackie got, even if it meant steamrolling any and everyone who got in her way. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself... and Josh said he would stay with me to help me with whatever I need to do—"
"JC has never kept his word to you before!" Momma yelled, pulling away from me. "What the hell makes you think he's gonna start keeping his word now!"
"Oh Momma, please don't start," I begged, but it was no use. Hurricane Jackie had worked herself back up to a category four... and she was intensifying. "Josh, why don't you go back to the hotel? I'll call you when I'm done with the doctors and tell you what they said."
"I'll come see you later," he whispered, kissing me long and deep. I could hear Momma suckin' her teeth in the background, and I know from past experience that she was cutting her eyes something fierce, so I cut the kiss as short as JC would allow. "I love you, Brown Eyes."
"I love you too," I told him, letting go of his hand reluctantly. Truth be told, I didn't want to be left alone with Jackie because I knew she was not pleased with my being back with Josh.
Tough shit, old woman, I thought mulishly, girding myself up for battle against the Master of Bushwhacking. Josh is back in my life to stay this time and nothing you can say will change that! Luckily for both of us, there was a knock at the door and an embarrassed voice asking to be let in.
"Mrs. Cavanaugh? My name is Dr. Hanson and Dr. Polanski asked me to come in and speak with you about something we found on one of your test results," the voice said. "But I can see that this is a bad time for you. I can come back later if that would be more convenient."
"No, please come in," I told her, smiling as I tried to ignore my mother's presence, which ain't an easy thing when she's pissed off, let me tell you. "What did you need to discuss with me?"
"Umm, I think it would be better if I spoke to you in private," Dr. Hanson said, trying in vain to get Jackie to leave.
"Well that ain't gon happen, so whatever you need to say to my daughter you can gone say in front of me," Jackie said in her best diva bitch voice. I sighed, tired to the bone and she had only been there about 20 minutes.
"It's okay Dr. Hanson," I stated, shaking my head as I got comfortable. "What was it you needed to discuss with me?"
"Well, during the course of testing you for internal injuries when you came in last night, one of the E.R. doctors decided that it would be a good idea to run an ICON on you," she stated, shuffling some papers. "I'm just wondering if anyone had come to share those results with you and discuss all of the possibly ramifications to your recovery this pregnancy might have."
"Wait—hold up! What pregnancy?" I asked feeling like somebody had just sucked all the air out of the room. "I'm not pregnant. This has to be some kind of mistake."
"No ma'am, there's no mistake," Dr. Hanson told me, shuffling papers again. "It's standard hospital policy to run an HCG test to confirm the diagnosis. Your mother can tell you—the results are the same. You are pregnant."
"How... I can't... how could this be?" I asked, confusion mixing with a healthy serving of shock. "I tried for years to get pregnant with Jason... how can this be happening?"
"It doesn't matter how it happened," Jackie stated, her voice cracking just a tiny bit. "All that matter's is that Momma's here and she's gonna take care of everything now."
"Oh Momma—if you only knew how badly I need you now," I said softly, collapsing in her arms as I realized that if that doctor was right, I was in a seriously fucked up situation—I had no idea if Nick or Josh was the baby's father.
"Don't you worry about a thing Baby Girl," she said under her breath as she dialed a number on what I reckoned was her cell phone. "Momma's here and everything's gonna be just fine... just fine."
It's been a long night and I feel like crap and I don't know what the hell's going on. For the last few hours I've been poked and prodded on by doctors, nurses and other people here in this place. I was told that I was unconscious for a while and that I was a casualty in what happened at the stadium last night. The word around here is that an explosion went off under the stage and everyone on it got hurt. There's for saying our show went off with a bang.
It's a little after seven now and one of the doctor's overseeing me just left out of here. I'm ready to go home right now but I was told that I couldn't leave until another set of tests were run on me to determine what's going on with my body. The current verdict is that there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage with me, just some cuts, bruises and some minor scrapes and minor burns. Besides that I don't have any sensation in my arms or legs. It sounds strange but the doctor believes that I was caught in the shockwave of the explosion and it somehow shocked my nervous system and got rid of my sensation for right now. The doctor said I should regain the sensation back, it's just might take some time. Oh here we go again. Another nurse and I guess another student doctor.
"Hello again," I say, looking up at the young man and woman that walked over to my bed. "What are you going to do to me?"
"We're just checking your vitals sir," the young woman says as the young man pulled the curtain around the bed and then walked over to me and looked at the bandages on my arms and the ones down on my legs.
"Looks like they're trying to turn you into a mummy Mister McLean," the young man says smiling at me. "How are you feeling right now?"
"I'm feeling the same way I was when the other doctor asked met hat ten minutes ago," I tell him as he looked up at the clock on the wall and then looked down at the chart.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I was under the impression that no one had been in to see you this early," he says, frowning now. "I should've checked the chart first."
"Maybe you should have," I say as he shook his head. "Since you're here, maybe you can help me out."
"I'll do what I can," he says, looking up at me now.
"Can either of you tell me has there been any word about the condition of Howie Dorough or Trey Anderson?" I ask, looking at the doctor and then the nurse.
"Sorry sir, we can't give you that information," the young man tells me as the door to my room opens and Kevin walks in.
"Oh thank God, at least there's a friend here that can help me. Morning Kevin," I say as Kevin hobbled over to where I was and frowned at the doctor standing there with me. "Is there something wrong Kevin?"
"No Bone, how do you feel?" Kevin asks, looking down at me now. "I just found out what really happened at the show last night."
"Yeah me too... I overheard some police officers talking to the doctors and nurses around out there. What's the verdict with you, you look terrible Train," I say as he shook his head.
"I feel that way too," he tells me as the nurse and doctor excused themselves from the room and he sat down in the chair next to the bed. "The doctor told me that they removed a piece of metal from my leg last night and want to monitor to me to make sure that I'm going to be okay. Right now that shit hurts like hell."
"I can imagine it does," I tell him, looking down. "I can't feel anything in my arms or legs. The doctors think I was caught in the wave of the explosion and that got rid of all sensation for now."
"Oh damn, that's terrible bro," he says, looking down now.
"Train have you heard anything about D or Trey?" I ask him as he looked up at me and then a few tears fell from his eyes. "What?"
"D's two rooms down and Trey...Trey isn't...isn't..." He trails off as I looked at him, fearing the worst of what he was about to tell me.
"Just go ahead and say it Kevin," I say, closing my eyes now, waiting for the words to leave his lips.
"Trey didn't make it. The explosion killed him and some other people that were below the stage," he tells me as my fears were brought into existence now.
"Oh God...oh God, why him? Why did he have to die?" I ask, rolling over now in the bed as Kevin got up and hugged me to him as I continued to cry.
Oh God, why is this happening to us? What did we do wrong to deserve all this crap happening? I know Trey was living in sin with me and betraying his wife but we loved each other and I...I thought that's all that mattered. Is this happening because I was going against God's ways or is this punishment for breaking up a nice, wholesome family?
"You're going to be alright Alex," he tells me, rubbing my back now as I just wanted to die at that moment. "I know you're hurting but, you'll get past this."
"I can't get past this Kev," I say, gasping for air now, my chest paining me something terrible.
"Bro you're going to get past this," he tells me, pulling back from me and kissing me softly on the lips. "You're going to be alright."
"I'm not going to be alright," I tell him as he shook his head and flicked the tears under my eyes away. "He's the second man I loved and now I have nobody."
"You're wrong about that," he tells me as he kissed my lips again as the door to the room opened and Kess walked into the room.
TO BE CONTINUED...
JT's Contact Information
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Yahoo Group |
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Yahoo IM |
storywriterjt or jtpoole9_gmail |
Nicole's Information
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mznikkigotstyle1 |
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MSN IM |
I don't know any of the members of «N SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned. I don't know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay). This story is fiction and you shouldn't take it for anything else but that. This is for entertainment value only folks.