Love Thru Chat
By Billy Burrew
Disclaimer: This is a work of erotic fiction. It does not reflect on the sexual orientations or proclivities of the band members of NSYNC. If it is illegal to view erotic fan fiction in your area or you are under aged or whatever the reason may be, please move on, otherwise....Please read it and enjoy!
Previously on Love Thru Chat
Bill grabbed two covers from the linen closet for Joey and Chris as they spread out on the sofas and then headed back to the bedroom where Lance lay half-asleep on the bed.
"OK....now that we're alone...What was in that cocoa?"
Bill smiled. "I crushed up a few Nytol and added the powder to the cocoa along with a couple shots of Godiva White Chocolate Liquor. It's not enough to put us out, but it should be enough to alleviate our nervousness and let our natural fatigue and tiredness take over and lull us to sleep."
Lance smiled, "Oh yeah...It's working..<yawn> REAL well! Thanks...We'd have been a wreck tomorrow if we didn't get some good sleep tonight."
Bill smiled and stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed with Lance and fell fast asleep in his arms, dreaming of the new adventures of the upcoming tour. Bill and Lance slept soundly, blissfully unaware of the drastic life changes that lay in wait for them both over the next few weeks.
Chapter 24: Coming Together & Falling Apart On Tour
Bill woke up with the alarm the next morning and true to his word, he and the guys pulled into the parking lot at Jive and, after loading their luggage and other bags, piled onto the five buses. Justin and JC on one, Chris and Joey on one, and Lance and Bill one the third. In addition to the performers, each bus had a compliment of security, assistants and make-up artists. Bill quickly settled in and began working on his laptop, taking note of every detail that would be interesting to any NSYNCophile. An hour or so later, when the bus pulled in for its first stop, Bill saved and closed his work and smiled as he found Lance fast asleep in his bunk.
Bill looked around to make sure no one was around and then leaned down and kissed Lance softly on the lips. Lance was unresponsive at first, but soon warmed to the attention.
Bill jerked his head back, the blood rushing from his face. Bill watched Lance smile softly and turn over onto his side to face him. Bill's control shattered for a moment as tears freely fell from his eyes.
"God, why can't I find love."
Lance awoke at these words and opened his eyes a slit, and his sleep fogged brain immediately cleared as his memory of his dreams and the sight of Bill's tears told him exactly what had just transpired.
Lance watched as Bill turned quickly and walked out of the sleeping area. Lance heard Bill's footsteps echo to the front of the bus and the sound of the bus door opening and Bill departing. Lance put his hands over his face and began to cry softly into them, not knowing how to even begin to reconsile his actions to his lover, not even knowing if he could and not be lying even more. Lance's quiet revelry lasted only a few moments before he looked up and saw JC's angry eyes looking down at him.
"What the FUCK did you do?"
Lance's tears began anew and he shook his head.
"He...He kissed me awake....and...and I was dreaming...."
JC closed his eyes and shook his head.
"He's on my bus, Lance, in my bunk...he can't stop crying Lance. What happened:?"
"I was dreaming that it was Paul.....I...when he kissed me...I moaned out Paul's name."
JC's eyes widened, "Oh God!"
Lance sat in shock as he watched JC's face go from anger to horror to pity. JC sighed and shook his head and spoke quietly, "So you love him or Paul?"
Lance shrugged and shook his head.
"Goddammit Lance! It's not a trick question. Who do you love?"
Lance's chin quivered and he shook his head and burst into tears and put his face into his pillow. JC sighed and he left the bus, unable to find it within himself to comfort his friend. JC just shook his head sadly as he trudged up the steps of his own bus. JC walked back to the bunks and looked inside to see Bill sitting up as Justin talked to him. JC's heart went out to Bill as he saw the sad, broken look on his face. Justin looked up at JC and shook his head as he came in, then excused himself to the front of the bus. JC sat down beside Bill and put his arm around Bill's shoulders, pulling him tight against his side.
"He....he's kinda upset about it, you know", JC blurted out after a minute..
Bill turned to look at JC and nodded.
"I know. I knew...I think I knew the first time we met Paul that Lance and I weren't meant to be."
JC looked at Bill questioningly, "Oh? How's that?"
Bill told JC of the first time that they had met Paul and JC shook his head.
"I lost any chance I had with him that night. I knew it...I just didn't wanna believe it. It was love at first sight."
JC's face saddened into a frown, and all he could do was shake his head.
"I'm so sorry."
Bill shrugged and sighed, his face falling into a sad hopeless look once again, "Is it me, Josh? Am I just not good enough for anyone to really love?"
JC jumped off the bed and grabbed Bill's chin in his hands and jerked his head up to meet his gaze.
JC's face was red with anger, and his cheeks were covered in tears.
"Never say that you're not good enough. NEVER! Do you hear me? If Lance fell in love with Paul....well...that's his loss...because Paul could only hope to be a quarter of the man you are. He could just hope, Bill. Don't beat up on yourself because of the choice he made, it's just not fair to you."
Bill looked up and tried to smile, "I knew there was a reason I hung around you Josh, you're good for bolstering my ego."
Josh smiled a little and then grabbed Bill into a tight embrace.
"I...I better go talk to him and figure out what to do. I don't know if it will take Jive long to find a replacement for me...so I better go at least set things straight between Lance and myself."
JC arms suddenly went slack and Bill looked up into Josh's pained expression.
"Don't leave. Bill...we can work something out...I...we need you here on the tour with us."
Bill sighed and nodded, "You're right. It's time I stopped running away from things and learn to suck it up and tough it out."
JC shook his head, "I could only wish to be as strong as you are. I'd have broken down long ago if I had gone through the stuff you did."
Bill walked to the front of the bus and walked back over to the bus he shared with Lance. As he walked towards the back of the bus, he heard Lance talking quietly on the phone.
"...so what do I do...I...I'm so fucked up! Oops....sorry Mom...but it's true. He's perfect. Funny, cute, sexy, smart...and I love him....not like that, tho...like he's my best friend. No Mom...we've never had sex. Mom...no...just slept in the same bed just holding each other. I feel safe when I am with him...Mom...it's like when he holds me, it feels like he can protect me from anything."
Bill sighed as he accidentally overheard Lance's conversation and took solace in hearing firsthand that Lance did indeed care for him a great deal and that what had happened earlier, though it hurt Bill deeply, was just Lance's heart speaking true. Bill knew that he wouldn't want to be in a relationship with Lance if he didn't know, in his heart of hearts, that he truly loved him.
"Mommy....why couldn't it be him?" Lance said, his voice reduced now to a sad whimper. "God...He probably hates me now...JC said he couldn't stop crying...and...I did that...I did that to him...he's done nothing but protect and care for me and all the guys since we met him...and what do I do? I go and hurt him...I threw away everything....with just a few stupid, careless words."
Bill pulled back from the door and shook his head, stunned at the words he had just heard. True, he felt hurt...but he still loved Lance...and was distraught to hear him talking and feeling like this.
Bill knocked on the door and waited as Lance ended his call and composed himself. Bill gasped as a red eyed, tear stained, haggard looking Lance opened the door and looked at him in shock. Bill grabbed Lance into a tight embrace and felt the tears begin to fall down his own cheeks as Lance began sobbing against his chest.
"I love you, you know. If we weren't meant to be lovers, I am glad we found out early on in the relationship, you know?" Bill said, hoping that his voice sounded sincere and truthful.
Lance pulled away from Bill and looked at Bill through teary eyes.
"You....you still love me....how? I am an asshole! I led you on...and then fell in love with someone else after we got together. How can you love me...how can you even stand to be around me?"
Bill shook his head, "You're not an asshole Lance. You're in love. I saw it before you did and just didn't wanna give you up. I was selfish. I am partly to blame for this...I lost my chance with you the first time Paul kissed you...all those many months ago in Greensboro."
Lance stopped and looked into Bill's eyes, remembering the events and seeing the truth in Bill's words.
Bill shrugged, "Well....I think you probably better ask him out on a date or something. Dating is a logical next step for you two."
Lance rolled his eyes, "Not him...us....YOU....what about you?"
Bill sighed, "I'd be lying if I told you I was OK. I'm hurting. A lot! I need some time...and there's none to be had just now...so....I am going to do my job, hang around with my best friends and, if the time presents itself in the near future, I'm going to take some time away from all this and try to get my shit straight. Promise me something though...."
Lance nodded, "Anything...."
"Never think that I hate you...or that I could ever hate you. I love you. I probably always will love you. You and the guys are the reason I moved here...y'all are one of the only good things in my life now...and I treasure every moment I get to spend with you."
Lance's chin wobbled and a single tear escaped his eye and he ran to Bill and enveloped him into a crushing hug.
True to his word, Bill worked diligently for the next month and a half as the tour snaked its way all over the Western, Central, and Southeastern United States. The band was due for 4 days off after the concert the night after next in Washington, DC and Bill saw that the week after that was only going to be two concerts in Pennsylvania. Bill made a call to John at Jive and explained to him that he needed to take some time off over this week and a half and John agreed that it wouldn't be too much trouble to accomodate the request. Bill hung up on John and made his way to the venue dressing room where he knew he would find the guys getting prepared for that night's upcoming concert. Bill walked in and the guys greeted him excitedly.
"Hey guys. Can I get a minute with ya?"
As he spoke the words, the music in the room stopped and a hush descended over everyone in the room.
"I just wanted to give you all a quick heads-up here. We have a concert in DC day after tomorrow. I am going to update the website tomorrow for that show and then I'm going to be leaving the tour temporarily to take some time off."
JC's eyes opened wide and he paled slightly, "How long will you be gone?"
Bill smiled, "Not too long. Just a little over a week and a half. I am going to spend some time with my sister in DC and just relax a little bit and take a little time alone for myself."
Lance nodded and then walked by Bill and out the door, slamming it behind him as Bill winced from the perceived anger in the action.
Justin got up and shook his head as he looked at the door and then walked over to Bill.
"That's cool man. Get some rest and come back to us...we'll be missing you."
Justin put his hand on Bill's shoulder and squeezed and then headed out the door to look for Lance.
JC got up next and grabbed Bill's hand, leading him out of the room to a deserted dressing room.
"Are you gonna be OK?"
Bill smiled, "Yeah...I am....This isn't really about what happened between Lance and I. I've been working for almost 6 months straight now and haven't taken any time off...and I am feeling a little burned out. I love you guys, and you guys deserve the best I can give...and to give you that...I need to get away and re-charge myself."
JC sighed and pulled Bill into a hug, kissing his cheek as he hugged him.
"Good. Like Justin said, take your time and get some rest....then come back to us...We'll all be missing you. I know I'll miss you."
Bill smiled and then put his hand on the side of JC's face.
Bill stared into JC's eyes a moment longer and then pulled his hand back and smiled.
"I better go find Justin before he neuters Lance. I wouldn't wanna be the cause of Lance suddenly becoming an alto."
JC giggled and the two men walked around the area backstage looking for the two bandmates. Bill heard them in another dressing room down the hall, having a rather animated discussion.
"...No..you're just being selfish Lance." Justin said angrily. "He needs some time to think...time away from us all. Don't you realize....since he met us, he's started up two relationships and had to give them both up?"
"I know that...I'm not stupid, Justin! I...I just feel like this is all my fault. He needs to get away from us and it's my fault."
Bill knocked on the door and opened it, deciding to put this conversation to an end before it could go any further. Lance and Justin looked at Bill and Bill was surprised to see the look of anger on both of their faces. Bill shut the door behind him and sat down in the first chair nearest to both guys.
"I thought, after your hasty departures after my announcement, it might behoove me to come in and talk with you about this. I want to clear the air here...my temporary departure from the tour is due more in fact that I've been working for six months now with barely any downtime than anything that has happened between myself and JC or myself and Lance. I just am becoming burned out. I need a little time off...away the job and everything so I can re-charge myself. Do you guys understand a little better now?"
Justin nodded and both he and Bill looked to Lance, who sighed and nodded defeatedly. Bill looked over to Justin and motioned for him to give him and Lance a few moments alone. Justin nodded and got up and left, closing the door behind him.
"So it's not cause of me?"
Bill shook his head and sat down next to Lance and put his arm around his shoulder.
"Nope. This time it's all about me. Me me me. I just need to settle myself and chill out and basically do a whole lotta nothin for a few days and not worry about anything that has to do with the job...just a vacation...nothing more than that."
Lance smiled and looked at Bill. "Come back to us...we're all gonna be a mess without you here."
Bill hugged Lance to his chest and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You'll be fine. You guys seemed to get by pretty well before I was hired...I think you can make it for 12 days without me again."
That night's concert went quickly and the guys were exhausted by the time they had finished the show and got cleaned up and back onto the buses to head out to the next stop on the tour. Bill worked late into the night on the bus, finishing up the series of updates and specials that he had been working on for the site and then shipped them down to John to approve and then make live on the website. Bill walked back to the bunks on the bus and smiled as he saw Lance asleep in his bunk with his curtains open, probably having tried to stay up and wait for him to come back so that they could talk some more. Bill smiled, realizing that he didn't have any other place to sleep if Lance was asleep in his bed, so he nudged Lance over and climbed in beside him and fell instantly asleep. Lance accidentally woke Bill up a few hours later as he tried valiantly to climb out of the bunk without disturbing him. The bus was parking at the hotel in DC where they were staying and Lance was climbing over Bill at the time when the driver unexpectedly stopped the bus, causing Lance to slip and his body to slam down onto Bill's chest and crotch. Bill groaned and Lance whispered a quiet apology and then climbed the rest of the way out of the bunk. Bill opened his eyes and smiled when Lance rolled his eyes and stated the obvious when he announced that they had officially arrived in Washington, DC. Lance watched as Bill got out of his bunk and grabbed his bag and laptop and the two made their way inside to their rooms. Bill showered and called his sister and chatted pleasantly with her, giving her an idea of when to expect him later. Bill had just hung up the phone when John called, giving Bill praise for his new website ideas and updates as well as informing him that Nick Carter, Brian Littrell and Kevin Richardson were in town on some personal finance business and that they had put in a request for lunch. Bill smiled and took down the number where they could be reached and smiling when John gave him their room numbers, as they were staying at the same hotel, just on a different floor. Bill finished his conversation with John just as he heard a knock at the door. Putting the phone down, Bill opened the door and supressed a giggle as he saw Kevin, Nick and Brian standing there looking down at their watches.
"Are we too early for lunch?"
Bill shook his head, "Naah! C'mon in! Man...John just told me that you were here...how did you know what room I was in?"
Nick laughed, "We knew you'd be in the hotel, so I told Brian to flirt with the counter staff girl and she told us where you guys' rooms were. We heard you talking to John from down the hall and hoped you'd be up for lunch."
"How very boy-scout of you! I am impressed!"
Kevin laughed and waited for Bill to grab his notebook and pen before he and the other three guys headed out for lunch.
Bill, having lived previously in Washington, DC, took the guys out to a nice restaurant in NW and soon the guys were chatting amicably about the new album and all the upcoming events. Bill smiled and congratulated both Kevin and Brian on their weddings, and smiled when both began to go into gory, detailed horror stories about wedding planning and execution.
"Aren't you happy that this is, for most people, a once in a lifetime thing?"
Brian and Kevin agreed loudly, causing Bill to grin widely and laugh, "Can I hear an amen?!?"
Brian threw his hand up like a Baptist at a revival and yelled out, "AMEN brother!"
Nick and Bill laughed at Brian's reaction and Kevin leaned into the table and smiled, his eyes twinkling, "How are things with you and Lance?"
Bill's smile faded and he shook his head, "Umm....they're not. We're not together anymore."
Kevin closed his eyes and made a "oops" face then leaned back in his chair and sighed, "I am sorry. But...I thought...you know...after that day in the office, that you two were toghether."
Bill nodded, "This kinda happened just as we started the tour...it's a LONG story...but we're still very good friends, and I still do care about him a great deal."
Nick looked at Bill and shook his head, "It must have really sucked for you. I can see the pain in your eyes just talking about it. I.....Hey! OW!"
Nick glared at Kevin for a second and reached down to rub his leg where Kevin had kicked him.
"He is in love with someone...someone...not me...and I wish him every happiness."
Nick put his hand on top of Bill's and squeezed it.
"Hey...don't feel like you can't talk to us. We like you a lot too and we're there for ya, man."
Bill smiled and nodded. "Thanks guys, I really appreciate that, I really do."
Bill wrote down some last minute ideas he had for the Backstreet site and then the guys headed back to the hotel.
"Well....we're heading back to Florida tomorrow....what are your plans?"
Bill shrugged, "I am gonna relax for about a week and a half and try to un-burnout myself....then I am gonna go finish up the tour with the NSYNC guys and then, when we get back to Florida, throw myself in where I am needed on your stuff as well as whatever else John assigns me to do."
The guys thanked Bill and dropped him off at his door. After another quick call to his sister, Bill was ready to light out and meet up and start his vacation. Bill walked over to JC's room and knocked. JC opened the door and smiled.
"Hey you! We're just heading out to sound check now. Whassup?"
Bill smiled, "I just wanted to wish you guys luck for the next 12 days and tell you that I'll be missing you and to give you my number and address at my sister's house...just in case something goes incredibly badly awfully earth-shatteringly end of the universe kinda wrong and you need to get in touch with me."
JC nodded and then Bill handed him a sheet of paper with all the information on it and then got goodbye hugs from JC and Justin.
"Oh...Justin! Britney is in town today...John told me to tell you to call her on her cell...she had been asking him about meeting up with you."
JC frowned, "What's she doin up here? I thought she had a concert tour to get ready for?"
Justin shrugged and ran a hand through his hair, "No idea.I'll call her. "
Bill smiled and then headed over to Lance's room to say goodbye to Lance.
Bill knocked on the door and it opened immediately, and Bill's eyes widened as he saw who answered the door.
"Hey Paul! Good to see you man! How've you been?"
Paul smiled, "Hey Bill...good to see you too! I heard you were taking a break and so I didn't know if I was gonna get the chance to see you before you headed out."
Bill nodded, "Yep...I just need to take a couple days off and unwind and just do nothing and let my brain re-charge itself."
Paul nodded, "I hear ya man. I just got done recording and I totally can relate."
Bill's eyebrows shot up, "Wow! All done! How many songs?"
Paul smiled, "They had me do 15 songs, then I can pare it down to 12 or so. That's kinda why I am here. I was hoping you and Lance could take a listen to the album and tell me which I should keep and which I should hold off on."
Bill nodded. "Sure man! Do you have a copy I can borrow. I think this is a good exercise for me that won't encroach on my break. I'll have my take a listen as well...she can give a non-industry related opinion."
Paul nodded and motioned for Bill to come in to the hotel room, then reached into his duffel bag and pulled out a stack of CDs.
"Feel free to write down any comments you have. The ones you and Lance gave on my first two songs really made them much stronger."
Bill nodded and opened his bag and put the CD inside. Lance opened the door to the bedroom and walked out into the living room and stopped as he saw Bill and Paul talking. Bill looked over and saw Lance looking at the two of them with a strange look of anxiety on his face.
"Hey Lance" Paul said suddenly, "Bill said he'd take a look at the CD, isn't that great?"
Lance nodded and smiled, "Thanks. Your feedback is really appreciated."
Bill walked over to Lance and squeezed his shoulder, "Actually...I came by to tell you that I'm heading out and that I'll see you in about twelve days. I wanted to give you my numbers and info where I can be reached as well just in case something goes terribly wrong. I also wanted to tell you that you're late for soundcheck."
Lance's eyes widened and he looked down at his watch and cursed, causing Bill to smile as he pulled out an identical piece of paper with the info on it that he gave JC and Justin.
Lance grabbed his bag and smiled at Bill and then grabbed him into a hug, "Take care of yourself...we'll be missing you."
Bill smiled and then reached out to shake hands with Paul, who dismissed the shake and pulled Bill into a hug.
"Yeah man. I hope you have a good vacation. Get rested up. I was hoping I could convince you to do some of your magic on my album."
Bill grinned, "I think that can be arranged."
Bill smiled and followed Lance and Paul out to the elevator and down to the lobby where the rest of the guys stood around waiting for them.
Bill waved as the guys pulled away and then took his bags and hailed a taxi to his sister's house.
Bill spent a nice, quiet afternoon and evening with his sister, getting caught up with her and just relaxing. Bill and Kathy had a nice dinner out near her house and Kathy had turned in for the evening around 10 pm. Bill sighed at the complete lack of sound in his sister's condo. Bill pulled out his laptop and fired it up, opening the latest chapter of his story and getting immersed in his writing. A knock at the front door pulled him from his writing around 3 am and Bill stood up and stretched, wondering who on earth would be knocking on his sister's door at this time of the morning. Bill opened the door and was shocked to see a still damp JC standing there barefoot, wearing just his swimming trunks and holding the paper with Bill's information on it in his hand. Bill's eyes widened as he noticed the tears that ran freely down JC's cheeks.
"JC...JESUS! What happened?" Bill cried out in a worried voice.
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