Thank you to everyone who has emailed me about this story...especially my regulars!
Legalities: This story is fictitious. It is not meant to imply anything about any of the Backstreet Boys or anyone else. No, I am not Brian Littrell, or Scott Waters. If you're offended, go away. If you're curious, keep reading, you might like it ;-)
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Thanks for reading.
"So when do we have to go back?" I asked, as he started putting food on the small table. He glanced over at me.
"I told Mom and Kevin we'd be back around lunchtime tomorrow. I want to show you some of the city before we have to leave on Sunday. Is that okay?"
I grinned and climbed out of the bed, pulling some shorts on before walking over to my love. I grabbed him into a tight hug. "As long as you're with me, I don't care where we are."
We reluctantly packed up everything that Brian had brought out to the cabin. Both of us would have liked to stay there, maybe not forever, but for a while longer. Just being away from the rest of the world, with my love was the most incredible feeling. I didn't even want to think about tomorrow when I would have to go back to Toronto.
We were finally all packed but didn't have to leave for another hour. I decided it was the perfect time to talk to Brian about the conversations Kevin and I had been having.
Brian was out by the ATV loading up the little trailer. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his chest. "Hi Love," I whispered in his ear.
Brian leaned back against me and crossed his arms over my arms. "Angel," Brian said softly. Every time I heard him call me that I shivered.
"We have some time, and there's something I want to talk to you about," I told him.
He turned around within the confines of my arms and met my gaze. I immediately noticed the glimmer of concern in his eyes. I leaned forward and kissed his soft lips gently. "It's nothing bad, love," I said with a smile and he relaxed.
Brian took my hand and led me back to the cabin. We sat down at the small table and Brian waited for me to speak.
"You know how we've been emailing each other?" I began. Brian nodded. "Well, Kevin and I have been talking on ICQ all this time too." Brian looked a little surprised, but didn't say anything. "Remember how I mentioned that I was changing jobs? The job I'm doing now is developing web sites for companies. It allows me to work from home, or from anywhere, as long as I meet the clients when they want." I could see Brian recognized the possibilities. "Anyway, I mentioned to Kevin, that you guys should each have your own web site so that you can express your individualities. They would be linked to the official BSB site, but would be customized to fit each guy's personality and likes."
Brian interrupted me. "And I know the perfect computer geek to create these web sites!" I could hear the excitement in his voice.
"Hey, who you calling a geek?" I protested.
Brian looked at me innocently. "Who said I was talking about you?"
I reached across the table and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him towards me. "You'd better be talking about me!" I said when our faces were mere inches apart.
Brian grinned and leaned forward to kiss my nose. "Yeah, you're the only geek I know!" He got me there, and I had to laugh.
"Okay, you win! Kevin said he'd talk to the other guys, then we'd put a proposal in to the Firm."
"So how exactly would this work?" Brian asked seriously.
"Kevin and I thought that I could join up with your tour for a few months. I would spend some time with each guy individually. Ya know, get to know each one personally, what they like, don't like. Each site will be uniquely Brian, Kevin, Nick, Howie or AJ. What do you think?"
Brian stood up and walked around the table. He pulled me to my feet. "The idea by itself is great, but if it means spending more time with you, then the idea is the best thing I've ever heard!" It was my turn to kiss his nose, making him giggle.
We simply stood there kissing each other, lost in our own little world. As the kiss intensified I remembered the events of the night before and wished we had time for a repeat performance. But Brian had promised his family we would be back by noon, so we would have to wait.
I finally pulled back from Brian's delectable lips and sighed. "Its time to go love."
Brian's fingers ran through my hair sending tremors through me. I had to pull away. "What?" he asked. I could hear the hurt in his voice.
I quickly stepped back to him. "Brian love, you have no idea what it does to me when you run your fingers through my hair. If we want to get back to the house anywhere near on time, I had to pull away," I explained gently and was relieved to see the smile return to his wondrous face. That smile melted me almost as much as when he ran his hands through my hair.
We did a final check of the cabin to make sure no candles or fires remained lit. Brian locked the door behind us and we both climbed onto the ATV. I wrapped my arms tightly around his middle, not because I was afraid but because I wanted to be as close to him as much as possible.
It took about half an hour to get back to the main house compound. We arrived just in time for lunch.
Unlike the other meals, this day there was only a small group of people: Jackie, Harold Sr. and Jr., Kevin, Ann, Brian and myself.
After lunch, Brian and I went in to town. He wanted to show me around his childhood home, and I wanted to see it because it was a part of Brian. Brian drove his father's Explorer out of the garage and I climbed in. We drove down the long driveway.
I reached over and took his hand in mine. I'd never get enough of being next to him and touching him. "Where are we going love?" I asked as I looked over at him. He was wearing sunglasses and a baseball hat, but it was sunny out, so he didnít look too obvious.
He glanced over at me and smiled, making my pulse jump. I grinned back and raised his hand to kiss the palm.
I smiled as I felt a shiver run through him. "I thought I'd give you a driving tour of the city. Show you my old neighborhood, where I went to school, and places I hung out. Is that okay?"
I squeezed his hand. "Bri you know damn well that we could go sit in a garbage dump and I'd be happy as long as you were there," I told him and meant it.
We both laughed and I began to look out the truck's window at the passing landscape. Brian started telling me about some of the buildings we passed or the street we were driving on. I had to keep glancing at him because I could hear the excitement in his voice and I knew he was smiling. Brian stopped the truck in front of his childhood home and pointed out where his friends lived in the neighborhood, where he fell off his bicycle one of the few times he was allowed to ride.
Once in a while, I caught the sadness in his voice. His parents had been a little overprotective of Brian when he was a child because of his heart problems. He missed out doing things that most little boys did. Every time his tone changed, I squeezed his hand, letting him know I was there. There was no point in dwelling on the past.
We drove to his old school and walked around the building. We stopped outside a window. "I was in that classroom halfway through my last year when Kev called and asked if I wanted to join the group," Brian told me as he reminisced. He sighed. "I had no idea it would be such a roller coaster."
I glanced about and fortunately, no one was around. I turned him to me and clasped both his hands in mine. "Do you have any regrets?" I asked softly as I fell into his eyes.
Brian smiled gently and shook his head. "At times, while the bad stuff was going on, I often wondered why I, why we as a group were putting ourselves through it; the loss of privacy, the politics of the business. But then we would go on stage and the fans helped make it right." Brian squeezed my hands tightly and looked at me intently. "Now though, if I had to do it all again, I wouldn't change a single thing, because that single thing might stop me from meeting you," his voice dropped to a whisper and I could see unshed tears glistening in his eyes at the intensity of his emotions.
I pried one of my hands free from his grip and softly caressed his cheek. "I cannot imagine my life without you in it, love. I look back and wonder how I lived not knowing you. I guess I wasn't really living, I was just waiting for you to come along and bring me wholly into this world."
We both had tears dripping down our faces. Another quick glance around and I pulled Brian into a tight hug. His arms wrapped snuggly around me and we stood there for the longest time, simply holding each other. Finally Brian pulled back and looked up at me with a smile. He reached up and wiped the wet streaks from my face. I did the same for him.
"Come on," he said, pulling me by the hand. "I didn't bring you out here for us to get all sappy. I want to show you the mall. Maybe we can catch a movie." I let him lead me as we walked back to the truck.
We resumed our former positions - Brian driving and me holding his hand. About ten minutes later we pulled into the mall parking lot. It was a good size mall. I moved to open the door but Brian grabbed me.
I turned to look at him and he pulled my face to his. "I won't be able to do this in there, or even really touch you, so..." Our lips met as Brian moved forward to kiss me. I closed my eyes and savored his taste. His lips were soft and pliable. Before either of us could get too heated, Brian pulled back, grinning at me. "That will have to hold you until we get back home, angel."
I put on the 'sad puppy dog' face. "One more. Please?" I quietly pleaded. I actually wanted to just rip Brian's clothes off and pull him into the back of the truck, but managed to restrain myself. I really need one more kiss though.
Brian stared at me for a minute before leaning forward. "One more," he whispered. I threw my arms around him and held him close as I kissed him passionately, taking him by surprise. A couple of minutes later we both pulled back.
Brian was short of breath and his fair skin was flushed. He stared at me with unconcealed lust. I grinned and opened the door. "Let's go love," I said as I climbed out.
It was almost a minute before Brian joined me beside the vehicle. He'd calmed his breathing and his color was almost back to normal. "You'll pay for that Angel," he murmured as he walked by and headed for the nearest entrance.
I laughed and ran to catch up to him. I really wanted to be able to put my arm around his shoulder, or hold his hand as we walked, but knew we couldn't. I had to constantly remind myself of that.
"So where are we going?" I asked him as we walked into the building.
He shook his head. "I thought we could just wander around. If we see a store we want to look at, we can. I don't really get much free time to just wander and browse when we're on tour," he explained. I smiled in agreement.
Almost two hours later we approached the Gap. "Scott, do you mind if we stop here?" Brian asked me. "I thought we'd go grab some dinner after then maybe see a movie?" He waited for my response.
I shifted the parcels in my hands. Brian had gone on a real shopping spree, but most of what he bought was for me. I tried to tell him I didn't need anything, and if I did, I could pay for it myself. But he can be stubborn when he wants to be. I didn't want to fight with him so I gave in. I looked at him thoughtfully as we stood outside the store.
"Sounds good, Bri," we refrained from using 'love' and 'angel' in public, but it was difficult. "On one condition," I said. Brain looked at me, waiting for the condition. "Whatever we buy in here, I pay for," I said seriously. I couldn't read the expression on his face and wondered if I'd hurt his feelings. I tried to explain.
I pulled Brian over closer to the wall, out of the flow of pedestrian traffic. "Brian, I love you and I love that you want to buy things for me," I began. "But I make a good living with my job and I want this relationship to be completely equal. I don't want you to stop being you, you're so sweet and giving, but you have to let me be giving to you too." I wasn't sure if my explanation was making sense to him. I waited quietly for his reaction.
Finally he looked at me and smiled. "Okay, angel," he said very softly, "I'll let you buy." He turned to walk into the store, then stopped and turned back to me. "By the way, did you know the Gap is my favorite store?" he asked before entering. I leaned against the wall and laughed.
I knew he hadn't planned it, but it felt like a set-up. All I could do was smile and follow him in. I simply watched and tagged along behind Brian. He grabbed khakis and cargoes from the shelves before grabbing a number of different shirts then walking to the change rooms.
"I'm gonna try this stuff on Scott. Be right back," he said as he disappeared into the hall where the change rooms were located. I wandered around looking at the different clothes while I waited.
I wandered back to the change rooms and saw Brian standing near the front looking in a floor to ceiling mirror. He didn't see me approaching him. "Looking good, Bri," I said as I walked up to him.
It was only then that I realized he was talking to a girl. I hadn't seen her because she was still in the hall. Brian glanced over at me quickly and the girl turned to look at me too.
I saw a shadow of fear cross Brian's face and wasn't sure why. It was quickly replaced by a smile. "Scott, this is Nora," Brian introduced me. "Nora, this is my friend Scott."
I walked over to her and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you Nora," I said sincerely. I didn't know who she was, but I knew I didn't have to be jealous of her, I was confident in our relationship.
Brian looked uncomfortable and I looked at him curiously. "Um, I didn't tell you Scott, how I managed to get on an early flight home. Did I?"
I shook my head. "Well, Nora saw me sitting in the airport and after we talked for a while she turned her ticket in at the standby desk, asking them to give it to me," Brian explained.
I couldn't hide my surprise and looked at Nora with a smile. "Wow! That was a really generous thing to do Nora."
Nora just shrugged, and blushed slightly. "No big deal," she said. "I guess we should change huh?" She said to Brian. "We're kinda holding up a couple of change rooms."
Brian nodded in agreement and they walked back into the hall.
I sat down on one of the chairs while I waited for Brian to change. I was curious why he hadn't told me about meeting Nora and getting the flight back to Lexington. She seemed like a nice girl. I'd have to ask him about it later.
I glanced at my watch, wondering what was taking Brian so long. I was getting hungry. All the walking around the mall and trying clothes on had used up the energy from Jackie's lunch.
I glanced at my watch, wondering what was taking Brian so long. I was getting hungry. All the walking around the mall and trying clothes on had used up the energy from Jackie's lunch.
Brian smiled, but I knew immediately that something was wrong. It was one of his 'public' smiles. Now that I knew his genuine smiles, the forced ones made my insides clench. I grabbed his arm and stopped him from walking to the cash.
"What's wrong?" I asked quietly.
Brian sighed and looked at me. "Sorry Scott," he apologized. "Nora knows about us," he whispered.
I forcibly refrained from gasping aloud. I knew how much Brian feared this. I just didn't know what to do to help him.
Brian continued. "I asked her to join us for dinner." Brian finally looked up at me. "I hope thatís okay. I don't think she's going to tell anyone. But I thought it wouldn't hurt to get to know her a little better..." his voice trailed off.
I closed my eyes briefly, hating that Brian had to constantly deal with fear and paranoia to protect his image. I smiled at him and nodded in agreement. "That sounds like a good idea. She sounds like a remarkable girl if she's willing to give up her plane ticket for a stranger." I leaned a little closer to Brian and dropped my voice. "Albeit, a cute stranger." That succeeded in bringing a genuine smile to my love's face and I relaxed slightly. "I'll go pay for this stuff," I said, indicating the clothes he'd picked out. "You wait for Nora, okay?"
Brian nodded. "Thanks angel," he whispered as he walked past me, back to the change rooms. I continued to the front and paid for Brian's clothes. I added the bag to the collection of other parcels I was carrying and waited by the exit. A couple of minutes later Brian and Nora walked up.
Nora stopped at the counter to pay for the shirt she was buying. Brian waited with her before they both walked over to me.
"Hi Scott," Nora said shyly. "Are you sure its okay if I join you two for dinner?" she asked hesitantly.
I smiled at her and nodded. "Of course, Nora," I replied. I decided to lighten the awkward silence. "Having a lady present should make Brian mind his manners," I paused briefly. "Or at least prevent him from starting a food fight."
"Hey!" Brian protested. Nora and I laughed and Brian quickly joined in. We walked through the mall to one of the restaurants.
The three of us were quickly seated and opened our menus. I found myself liking Nora. She was very direct and open. Brian and I both asked her questions. She was from Kentucky but moved to Florida to go to college. She was eighteen, and taking business and computer courses.
I found my self relaxing and enjoying the dinner. Often I glanced at Brian and found he was doing the same. But at that time, it was enough just to be close to him and see his beautiful smile. I knew we'd have time alone later.
Finally I asked them to tell me the story about the airport and how they met. Brian started.
"I got to the airport and knew I wouldn't get on a flight. It's the holiday and everything is always booked. I decided I'd get put on standby because I was determined to get here that day, no matter what," Brian said. I listened intently, basically because I loved the sound of his voice and soft accent.
Nora spoke. "I was waiting for my flight and I saw this guy sitting there, looking very sad and alone. It took me a minute before I recognized him, and even then, I wasn't sure. I walked up to him and asked." Nora looked at Brian. "Ya know, a lot of celebrities would have just told me to get lost, especially because you weren't in a good mood." Nora turned her head to look at me. "He didn't though. He put aside his feelings, and talked to me and signed an autograph. I thought it was really sweet." She shrugged. "I knew my family wasn't having their family dinner until yesterday, so I knew I could arrive a day late."
I smiled at her. "Well, I think it was incredibly generous. Not many people would do that, especially for someone who's famous." Brian nodded in agreement.
"I know. It's sort of like how you and I met Scott," he said.
Nora looked at us curiously. Brian explained. "I was shopping and a mob of teenage girls saw me. They started chasing me through the streets. I was hiding beside a car, when this driver opened his window and offered me a way out. It wasn't much of a choice, a mob of fifty teenage girls or one quiet, cute man." I felt myself blush at Brian's compliment. Nora grinned and looked at Brian.
"He do that often?" She asked, looking in my direction. Brian giggled and nodded.
Dinner went quickly as the three of us talked about different things from computers to music to Florida. Nora finally glanced at her watch.
"Guys, I really have to go," she said as she pulled out her wallet. Brian and I both stopped her.
"No way, Nora. This is our treat," Brian said. Nora protested, but Brian and I won. I pulled out my wallet and took out a business card with my email on it.
"Nora, I really enjoyed talking to you and would like to keep in touch with you, if you want," I told her sincerely. I meant it. I didn't really make friends easily. But I felt so at ease with her, I wanted to consider her a friend.
Nora smiled and accepted the card. "I'd like that Scott. I really had a good time talking to you both. I hope things work out for you," she said.
Brian smiled. "I think it will. We'll see you at the concert at New Years though. I did promise you tickets and I keep my promises. I have your address in O, so you'll be hearing from me again," Brian promised.
Nora stood and picked up her purse and parcels. "Okay Brian. I'm looking forward to the concert. And I hope you do look me up when we're back in Florida. I'll talk to you both again." Nora leaned forward and kissed Brian on the cheek, then moved around to kiss me too. "You guys are cute together," she said quietly before walking away.
Brian and I watched as Nora left the restaurant. He looked over at me.
"I like her," I said quietly.
Brian was silent for a moment. "Are you angry with me?" he asked, surprising me.
I shook my head. "Of course not. Love," I murmured. "But why didn't you tell me about it?" I asked curiously.
Brian shrugged. "I don't know. I guess that at the time I had other things, like you, on my mind. It didn't seem that important," he explained. "I sent her a note with a cheque and flowers, and figured that was the end of it." He paused. "I'm glad we ran into her though. I like her too."
I smiled at my love. "So are we going to see a movie or what?" I asked as I noticed our waiter approach with the bill. Before Brian could react, I grabbed it. He tried to give me a dirty look, but it just made me laugh.
"Fine," he sulked. Then I saw the twinkle in his eyes. "I think we'll pass on the movie Scott. I have a better idea," he said mysteriously.
I quickly paid the bill and we left, carrying our parcels with us. It was getting dark outside when we reached the Explorer. We tossed everything in the back and climbed in.
Before I even had the door completely shut, I felt myself being pulled across the car seat. I turned towards Brian in time for our lips to meet. He was aggressive and I let him lead.
When he finally broke the kiss and pulled back I almost fell over, weak from passion. I pushed myself up and stared at him in the fading light. My lips were tingling. "WOW!" I breathed out.
Brian grinned. "Do you know how hard it was not doing that all afternoon?"
I reached over and took his hand in mine, entwining our fingers. "Yeah!" I murmured as I brought his fingers to my lips and kissed each one of them. "So are we staying here all night?" I asked.
Brian started the truck. "I had thought we'd do something, but would you mind if we just went home?"
I could hear the sudden change in his voice, like earlier. I grasped his hand tightly. "I like that idea, Love. We can just go home, curl up in bed together and do whatever...talk or watch a movie, or other things," I said tenderly.
Brian pulled out of the parking lot and began the drive back to the ranch.
I never released his hand, but remained silent. I could sense Brian was trying to resolve something within, and I wasn't going to push him for information yet. I hoped he would talk to me when he was ready. If not, I would bring it up, but not immediately. I was happy enough to watch the buildings zoom past as we gradually left the city for the countryside.
Neither one of us had spoken by the time we reached the ranch. Brian parked the Explorer back in the four-car garage and turned off the engine. He made no move to get out so I waited.
"You're leaving tomorrow, Angel,' he said softly.
I turned in my seat to face him. I knew I was leaving; we both knew and we both could already feel the emptiness beginning to creep into our beings. But I also knew that wasn't all that was wrong. "Brian," I said tenderly. I could see the tears beginning again and I wished I could stop them.
"I hate it!" Brian said suddenly. I waited for him to explain. "I hate that you're leaving tomorrow. I hate that my job keeps us apart. I hate that I have to hide to the world who I am. I hate that I have to hide who I love. I hate that much of society thinks we're sick for loving each other. I hate that I have to watch every little thing I say or do in case someone figures it out." Brian finally paused for a breath. His voice dropped. "And I hate that finding you has made me hate."
It's not really a cliffhanger...is it?