Author's Notes: Now I said I wouldn't do this for a while...and I haven't since part 9...so...PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, If you're reading, let me know! I know you can't email after each part...but I would like to know how many people are reading.

Okay, thats done....and you won't see it again for another ten chapters or so!

If you don't know what's going on in this story, read the earlier parts!

Once again, PLEASE let me know what you think at kenitra_canada@hotmail.com

Thanks for reading.

Kenitra

(Previously)

"I hate it!" Brian said suddenly. I waited for him to explain. "I hate that you're leaving tomorrow. I hate that my job keeps us apart. I hate that I have to hide to the world who I am. I hate that I have to hide who I love. I hate that much of society thinks we're sick for loving each other. I hate that I have to watch every little thing I say or do in case someone figures it out." Brian finally paused for a breath. His voice dropped. "And I hate that finding you has made me hate."

Part 20

I felt that last comment like a physical blow to the stomach and my expression must have said as much.

Brian looked at me in horror. "Oh God, Angel, I didn't mean that the way it sounded!" He reached out to touch me but I drew back. I knew he didn't mean it the way it sounded, but it still hurt.

I climbed out of the truck and walked to the door leading to the house. I stood there waiting for Brian to follow. A few seconds later, he did.

We walked silently into the kitchen. Unfortunately, Kevin, Ann, Jackie and Harold were sitting at the table playing cards.

"Hi guys!" Ann greeted us.

I watched as all four of them turned to look at us. They quickly took in Brian's tear streaked face and my frown. I didn't want to deal with family interference; this was between Brian and I.

"Brian and I need to talk. Is it okay if we use the upstairs study?" I asked, stopping any questions.

Jackie made a move to get up but Harold stopped her. "That's fine Scott," he said. "Let us know if you need anything."

I nodded and walked out the door to the hall. I could hear Brian quietly trailing behind but I didn't turn to look at him. I was more hurt than angry, but just wanted a few minutes to process everything that had just happened.

I walked up the stairs and into the study. I watched as Brian slowly walked in, his head hanging, looking at the floor. I closed the door behind him and locked it. Brian stood facing the window, looking outside.

"Before I met you Angel, it didn't matter what society thought, what people thought," Brian said softly, not looking at me. I could hear the sadness in his voice and had to resist the urge to go to him. I needed to hear what he had to say. "My job was my life. People could say what they wanted because I was alone; I didn't care." I could see his body begin to tremble and knew he was fighting back tears. My hurt was insignificant compared to the fear and pain emanating from him. I walked up behind him and put my arms around his waist.

I felt him momentarily tense before suddenly collapsing back against my chest. I pulled him close and softly kissed his neck.

"Since I found you Angel, I've been forced to take off my rose colored glasses and face reality. Face the reality of our world and the life I lead and the way society views me." He paused. "I DON'T blame you Angel. I'm angry with myself for letting my version of life get so 'perfect' that it's hard to see the reality." He crossed his arms across mine and relaxed against me. " I'm afraid," he whispered. "Now that I have you in my life I have something to lose more valuable than just my career. Its frightening that someone can have that much meaning in my life. When Nora said she knew I felt that fear suddenly well up. She barely knows either of us, yet she could tell. How can we go on with our lives, retain our privacy if people can figure it out so easily." Brian finally sighed deeply and stopped talking.

I had to think about what he'd said. I wasn't sure how to comfort him. I knew it was different for Brian because of his public image. But that didn't make him less human, less deserving of love and happiness. "Brian love, I'm afraid too. But being in love, and being with the one you love takes effort and commitment. I know our situation is difficult. I know that we have to be careful to protect not only your image, but also the entire group. But we also have to recognize the line between being careful and losing what we have. If someone in the media really wants to find out about us, I don't think there is anything short of completely breaking up, that we can do. We are fortunate that we have friends and family willing to help and support us. We can't predict what will happen. And we don't know that what does happen doesn't have a reason, have a purpose." I turned Brian around to face me so I could see his beautiful eyes.

"Love, all we can do is take precautions, and go on with our lives...together." I waited to see his reaction. He thought about what I'd said. I understood what he'd been trying to say, now I just hoped he understood me.

After a few moments, he smiled. "God Angel, how did I get so lucky to have you in my life?" he asked softly.

I smiled back at him. "I thought I was the lucky one," I said sweetly. I pulled him into a hug and held him tightly.

It had been our first disagreement of any kind and I was happy it was over. I couldn't stay angry with Brian for long. Life was too short for that. We finally separated and gazed into each other's eyes.

"I'd like nothing more than to rip your clothes off right now and show you how much I love you," Brian whispered with restrained passion. "But, we should let my parents know everything is okay. Then we can go to the bedroom, and see what happens," he added seductively.

I had to restrain myself from doing just that. I wanted nothing more than to shut out the rest of the world and simply love my love. But I knew we couldn't do that. "Okay, Love. Let's go back downstairs," I said, grasping his hand firmly in mine. I wasn't going to let him go.

We walked hand in hand downstairs. We found Brian's family still sitting in the kitchen having a snack and talking quietly. All four looked up quickly when we walked in. No one wanted to be the first to ask, but Kevin noticed our hands and smiled.

He decided to avoid the question entirely. "Hey guys. Would either of you like a snack?" Kevin asked us. I glanced at Brian, who shook his head.

"No, thanks Kev. I think we're okay. Although I think I might have some hot chocolate if there is any," I said looking at Jackie.

She had been staring at Brian and I, trying to figure out what was going on. She looked up at my comment and nodded. She walked over to a cupboard and pulled out a tin of cocoa. I smiled my thanks.

Reluctantly I released Brian's hand. I turned to look at him. " Do you want some hot chocolate too, love?" I asked him quietly, but loud enough that everyone in the kitchen heard.

Brian smiled up at me and gently stroked my cheek. "Sounds good Angel," he said softly.

I put the kettle on to boil water, then pulled two large mugs off the shelf. I put cocoa in each mug before adding a little sugar. Brian stood on the other side of the counter and watched me work. Kevin moved to stand beside Brian.

"So did you two buy everything in the stores?" he asked lightly.

I grinned and looked at Brian. "Nearly," I said. "I have no idea what I'm going to do with everything we bought though."

"Sounds like Brian's shopping habits have rubbed off on you," Kevin commented with a laugh. Brian and I laughed too. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the three older adults watching us from the kitchen table. Brian noticed the direction of my glance and looked back at me.

He smiled gently. "I'll go talk to them Angel," he said softly and walked over to his parents. He sat down at the table and waited. I couldn't hear the conversation from where I was standing so I talked with Kevin.

"I told Bri about the idea for web pages," I said, as I waited for the kettle to boil.

"And?" he asked with a grin, as if he didn't know what Brian would say.

I smiled back. "He likes the idea so when you meet up with the other guys, you can tell them about it. I'll write up a draft of the final proposal and email it to you. All five of you should go through and make sure I've got what you want, then we can decide when to present it to the Firm and the label."

Kevin pulled up a stool and sat down. "I was thinking we could do that at New Years. You coming to Orlando for it?"

I grabbed the kettle as it boiled and poured it into the two mugs before answering Kevin. "We haven't talked about it yet, but I know I want to spend it with Brian." I took a sip of the chocolate. "And since you guys have the concert, the only way I can be with him is in Orlando. So I guess I'll be there, even if he doesn't invite me!" I added with a grin. Kevin laughed.

I picked up the second mug of cocoa and walked over to the kitchen table, setting it down in front of Brian.

He smiled at me tenderly, making my heart melt. I turned to walk back to Kevin, but Brian grabbed my hand and directed me to the chair beside him.

"Scott?" Jackie reached across the table and touched my arm. I looked over at her.

"When you're a parent, it can be hard to accept the fact that your children are grown up and can take care of themselves. The desire to protect never really leaves. I'm sorry I was rude," she apologized.

I smiled at her. "Jackie, its okay. I know how much you love Brian. I love him too," I said and glanced at the man beside me. He reached over and took my hand in his, returning my smile. I looked back at Jackie.

"This relationship is still new to everyone. Brian and I are two different people with different lives. There are going to be problems and arguments. That's normal. But as long as all of you and my family too, love and support us, we will work through anything that comes up. You have no idea how lucky we are to have the support of both families. Many gay couples don't. It means a lot to me, to us."

I hadn't meant to get mushy, but it just came out that way. I think Jackie understood though. She smiled and patted my hand. "We can see how much you love Brian, Scott. I promise to try not to butt in to your personal affairs, unless you ask for some help."

"Thanks, Jackie and Harold."

Brian stood up and walked around the table to squat down between his parents. He put an arm around each of them. "Thanks Mom and Dad. I love you both so much," he said, hugging them both.

Then he stood up and walked back to me. He held out his hand and I accepted it as I stood. "We're going to go upstairs, so goodnight everyone. See y'all in the morning," Brian announced as he led me across the kitchen and to the hall.

Brian and I left the kitchen hand in hand and walked upstairs to the bedroom. I was surprised when he pulled his fingers out of my grasp and walked across the room to the window.

Watching him for a moment, I realized he was still upset about what had happened. I walked across the rug to where he was standing. He heard me approach.

"I'm sorry Angel," I heard him whisper.

I itched to touch him, but didn't. I stood behind him, close to him, but not touching. "I know Love. I forgive you," I told him softly and I meant it. I didn't want to dwell on it. Our time together was too short. "Brian, love, look at me."

He slowly turned around and raised his eyes. I could see the fresh tear streaks on his beautiful face. I raised my hands and gently wiped the wetness with my thumbs. "I love you. I will never stop loving you. I know what you were trying to say, even if it didn't come out right," I said, smiling ruefully. "All I ask is that we put it behind us. It's over with. And promise me that you won't let your feelings buildup like that. We both have to talk about what we're feeling, good or bad, okay?" I watched him intently until he smiled.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck. "I have a good feeling right now Angel," he whispered huskily. "Want me to show you where?"

I giggled as I felt his hand on my body. I slipped out of his grasp and picked him up, carrying him to the bed. Stretching out beside him, I gently stroked his cheek. "Okay, Love, show me," I said softly.

"Morning Angel," Brian whispered. He wiggled forward a little so we could kiss.

"Morning my Love," I whispered back. That was all we said; it was all that was needed.

We lay there staring into each other's eyes for a long time; neither of us were sure how long. Unfortunately, nature eventually called. I leaned forward and kissed his nose before rolling over and climbing out of bed. Brian soon followed.

My flight was leaving in the early afternoon and Brian and Kevin's flight soon after. We decided to shower (separately!), dress and pack. Then we could spend the rest of the time together. I finished before Brian and sat down on the bed to watch him pack.

Suddenly he stopped moving and looked at me. He walked over and stood between my legs, grasping my face in his hands.

"Scott, Angel, I just realized that I won't be able to be with you for your birthday. It's December seventh, right?"

I nodded. "I know love. You'll be in the middle of touring. That's okay," I said. I knew they would be touring the eastern USA until the end of the year.

He leaned down to kiss me. "But I know how to make up for it! Will you come to Orlando for New Years?" he asked.

I remembered my conversation with Kevin from the night before and laughed. Brian looked at me strangely. "Sorry love. I told Kevin last night that I was going to spend New Years with you, whether you invited me or not," I explained.

Brian laughed and turned back to his packing. "Why don't you invite Sheri and your friend Drew along too?" he suggested. I was a little surprised, but liked the idea of spending the big holiday with new and old friends together.

I walked over and wrapped my arms around him. "You mean that love?" I asked as I kissed the back of his neck. Brian leaned against me.

"Mmm-hmm," he murmured as his entire body relaxed against mine and he closed his eyes. I rested my chin on his shoulder and closed my eyes too. We stood there and swayed gently to some imaginary music.

As was usual, a knock at the door interrupted us. I reluctantly released Brian and walked to the door. I was about to snap at Kevin to get a life when I opened the door, but was happy I didn't when I found Harold Sr. on the other side.

"Good morning Scott," he greeted me with a smile.

"Morning Harold," I said, returning the smile. I stood back and allowed him entrance to the room. Brian turned from his packing to see his dad.

"Morning Dad!" Brian said.

"I don't want to interrupt you boys, but Jackie wanted me to tell you she's preparing a brunch which will be ready in about twenty minutes," he said.

"Thanks Dad. We'll be along soon," Brian told his father.

Harold nodded and headed for the door. He stopped in front of me. "Just wanted to say Scott, you're welcome here anytime," he said and held out his hand. I took his hand and was shocked when he pulled me into a hug. "You take care of my boy," he whispered before quickly breaking the embrace. I smiled broadly at the usually reserved man.

"Promise Sir," I said quietly. He smiled and nodded again before leaving the room.

Brian finished his packing. We walked downstairs to the kitchen where we found the entire family waiting for us, Ann, Kevin, Tim and Jerold, Harold Jr. and Sr. and Jackie. The women had prepared a virtual feast of bacon, eggs, ham, pancakes and some of the leftovers from the holiday dinner.

Everyone filled their plates and sat at the table. The conversation was light, but both Brian and I could feel the ever growing dread. Like all my time with Brian, it was too short. Before we knew it, it was time to leave.

We loaded up the Explorer, which Tim was going to use to take us to the airport. The family gathered out on the front porch as we said goodbye. I said goodbye to Kevin's family first. Although I hadn't had a chance to spend much time with them, they had all made me feel welcome and I appreciated it. Then I moved on to Harold Jr. He pulled me into a big bear hug.

"Thank you for bringing my baby brother back," he whispered. "And welcome to the family." I smiled to myself. I then moved on to Harold Sr. We had basically said what needed to be said, earlier in the bedroom. I shook his hand and thanked him again for having me.

Lastly, there was Jackie. I walked over to her and met her clear, penetrating gaze, so much like Brian's. "Jackie, thank you for allowing me into your home," I said softly. "And thank you for allowing me to love your son. I don't think you'll ever know how much it means to both of us." I managed to blink back tears.

"Scott, despite how I was raised, it is so obvious to me how much you love my son, and how much he loves you," she said with a gentle smile. "How could I not let you into my home and heart? You will always be welcome here as part of our family." I couldn't help but smile at her.

With Tim driving, Kevin, Brian and I got into the SUV and drove to the airport. My flight was scheduled to leave about an hour before the Orlando flight. I was dreading the upcoming goodbye, and an airport was the worst place for it, but I didn't get a choice.

Thankfully, Kevin made arrangements so we could wait for our boarding calls in a small VIP lounge that was fortunately empty. Brian and I sat side by side, simply holding hands. Brian's fingers absently massaged my palm. The thought of not seeing Brian again for another five weeks was killing me inside, but I didn't want Brian to feel guilty so I remained quiet. I knew he was feeling the same way.

Before I knew it the boarding call for my flight back to Toronto blared over the PA system. I waited as long as possible then reluctantly stood and faced my love. I could see the unshed wetness hiding in his beautiful eyes and hugged him tightly.

"It's not that long love," I whispered, clenching my teeth so my own tears wouldn't fall. "You'll be so busy with the tour that the time will fly by. And I will see you just after Christmas, okay?" I tried to sound confident as much for my sake as his.

Brian reluctantly pulled back and looked into my eyes. He smiled his blinding smile and I had to respond in kind. "I know Angel. I will see you soon. I love you," he said and turned me in the direction of the door.

I paused in the doorway and turned to look one last time. "Miss you Love," I whispered. Brian smiled tenderly and I turned, walking out the door to my flight.

I clenched my teeth as I boarded the plane and found my first class seat. Thankfully there weren't too many people on the flight and no one sat beside me. When I was sure I wasn't going to burst into tears I relaxed a little. The last four days had been incredible. Every minute I spent with Brian made me love him more. I sighed loudly. The next five weeks were going to be hard. I had already become accustom to the warmth of Brian beside me in bed. Now I would have to get used to waking up alone again.

I tried to sleep but only managed to doze on and off. Finally the announcement came to fasten seatbelts for landing.

I grabbed my carryon stuff and found my suitcase on the carousel, before walking towards the main terminal. Drew spotted me first and ran over, giving me a hug.

"How ya doing Scott?" he asked as he grabbed my suitcase from me.

All my resolve and calmness disappeared now that I was home. Before I realized it, tears were running down my face. "I miss him," I whispered to Drew.

He smiled sympathetically and threw his arm casually around my shoulder. We walked silently out to his car. Once we started driving Drew asked me to tell him about the long weekend. As I started talking I began to feel better. The memories flooded back and I smiled as I remembered little details of something Brian did or said.

By the time Drew dropped me at my house I was smiling and laughing. I invited Drew to stay over so he didn't have to drive back to the city, but he refused. We agreed to meet for lunch on Thursday, since I had to be in the city for meetings with clients. I decided to wait till then before mentioning New Years in Orlando to him. I would have to call Sheri during the week as well.

I decided to unpack and fix some dinner, before doing some work. Brian was going to call later that evening.

P.S. Sorry that this isn't my usual quality of work...I had a little brain freeze this week. Hopefully I'll be back to myself for next week.