Millennium Love Scott 38

by Kenitra

Other Stories by Me!

(under College section)
(Posted Dec 16/00)

(All under boy-bands)
NEW! Runaway
(Ended Oct 17/01)

What If
(Posted May 29/01)

Blissful Tears
(Ended Jan 28/01)

First Anniversary
(Posted Oct 31/00)

Fates Reason
(Ended Feb 6/00)

Ice Storm
(Posted May 8/00)

Set You Free
(Ended Apr 11/00)

Ten Guys, One Night
(Posted Apr 7/00)

I apologize for the nearly four month delay. No matter how hard I tried, the story just wouldn't come out the way I wanted until this last week.

For those interested, I posted a complete story called Runaway during September and October. It can be found here in the archive on October 17, 2001.

'Thank You' to David, for maintaining the best free story archive I've ever found.

Thank Yous as well, to my chat friends: Rune and Neo You guys are truly the best.

Just a reminder, the Blue text indicates when Scott and Brian are not together. For this chapter, almost the entire text is blue! You may want to read both Scott and Brian's versions if you don't normally do so!

Also, if you would like a brief reminder of what has happened in the story so here for a brief summary of Millennium Love.

Disclaimer: A  Don't know them, never met them, never will!
B  Under age...don't tell me. I don't want either of us to get in trouble!

If you have any comments about this story, please email me at
I try to respond to every single email I get!

As always, thank you for reading!

Chapter 38 - Scott

I walked into the house. It seemed different, no longer my haven, but just a building, an empty building. My entire being ached with thoughts about how much I missed Brian. I knew the next few weeks would be hell. I just hoped that I'd made the right decision. I dragged my suitcase back to my bedroom, but froze as memories of Brian and I in my bed came rushing over me. I left the bag just inside the bedroom door and returned to the living room.

I looked around but didn't know what to do with myself. I turned and walked to the kitchen. I grabbed the kettle and a mug and made myself some tea. Mug in hand, I wandered aimlessly around the house, before moving out to the deck. I hadn't told any of my family I was coming back, but I knew Sheri and Drew would both find out quickly from their lovers. So I ignored the phone when it began to ring and sat out on the deck drinking tea.

It was only when I heard the banging at the front door that I came back to myself and realized it was almost dark outside. Whoever was at the door was insistent, so I finally decided to answer it. I took some comfort in knowing that it couldn't be Brian or any of the other guys because I knew they had a concert in a couple of hours.

I shouldn't have been surprised to find Drew standing there. I really wasn't in a mood to talk but knew I wouldn't be able to get rid of him. So I unlocked the door and turned back to the kitchen. Drew followed.

"I honestly thought he was kidding me," Drew said. I could tell he was shocked to see me from the tone of his voice.

I grabbed a drink from the fridge and turned back to him, leaning against the counter. "Who's that?" I asked although I already knew.

Drew grimaced. "AJ of course. We were talking earlier and he said that you had left the tour. I thought it was part of some dumb joke you and he had planned. Even when he finally convinced me to come check on you, I wasn't sure he was serious. But here you are." He sat down at the kitchen table and looked at me.

I knew he was waiting. "So what exactly did AJ tell you?" I asked curiously.

Drew shook his head. "Not much. Just that you had left the tour and it was hurting everyone. He was worried about you and convinced me to come check on you." He looked at me intently. "What happened Scott?"

I took a drink of water and shrugged. "I just couldn't do it anymore. The pretending, the hiding." I glanced at my left hand; looking at the ring Brian had given me. I blinked rapidly as I felt my eyes begin to tear. Drew stood and walked over to me. Before I could brace myself he put his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug.

I suddenly found myself sobbing on his shoulder. "Oh God Drew, what have I done?" I gasped. I was bordering on hysterical as I cried out my soul wrenching pain. Brian was a part of me, yet I couldn't give up my other half just for him. But knowing that didn't stop the pain.

Drew simply held me tight and stroked my back. I was grateful he didn't make promises that things would be okay because I didn't know how that would ever be possible.

When my sobs lessened to hiccups and sniffles Drew pulled back. He gently wiped my wet cheeks and kissed my forehead. "I love you bro and support whatever decision you make. Now, you've had a rough couple of days so I want you to go take a hot shower and change into some track pants. I'm going to fix you something to eat, then you are going to bed," he ordered.

I began to object but Drew shook his head. "I'll make up the bed in the guest room. You can have it and I'll take your bed, okay?"

His concern made me smile slightly. "Thanks Drew. Don't know what I'd do without you." I took his advice and headed to the bathroom.

Drew was good to his word and fussed over me, making sure I ate and went to bed. I didn't think I would be able to sleep, but once my body hit the bed, I was out cold.

I have to admit that the next few days were something of a blur. I got up each day, always surprised to find Drew there. He kept coming back each night after work and I could never tell him no. After a couple of days I called my parents to let them know I was back. I didn't go into details about my reasons but convinced my Mom that I didn't need her to come baby-sit me.

The harder phone call was Sheri. I didn't want her to feel conflicted about her loyalties. She deserved to be happy and I knew Kevin was good to her. I also knew she wouldn't have the same problems being involved with him, that I had in my relationship with Brian. I was surprised and grateful that she understood my reasons for leaving and supported me. She promised to try to not let Brian and I affect her and Kevin.

My self-imposed stupor ended one afternoon when I decided to watch a movie. I grabbed the tape out of the box and put it in the VCR. Just as I sat down to watch, a familiar face came on the screen. It was Brian at the previous year's Much music video awards. I grabbed the remote and froze the screen. I realized I hadn't talked to or contacted Brian in nearly a week. And I missed him. I'd been sitting on my ass feeling sorry for myself. As I stared at the screen and his happy, smiling face, I knew he would be hurting too. I decided it was time to take a step forward, to let Brian know that he was still number one in my heart, even if we weren't together.

I took a screen capture of the screen at the moment Brian was looking into the camera and said 'Angel'. That was a moment neither of us would forget, and I wanted to remind Brian of that. I printed the picture and wrote a brief note, Love, I will always remember. Your Angel, Scott. The next move was up to Brian.

It was time to rejoin the living. I called my friend Michael and made plans to get together later for a game of pick-up. I showered and changed before heading into town, stopping at the post office to mail the picture to Brian. I tried to forget that a part of me was missing.

I even made it to Thanksgiving dinner with the family. I arrived at my parents' place just as they were sitting down to eat. On the drive up I had almost turned around a dozen times. I couldn't get Brian off my mind. It was…it should have been our one-year anniversary, but instead we were thousands of miles apart. I really didn't want to be with people, but Mom had invited me and I couldn't say no.

"Scott, I was worried you wouldn't make it," My mom greeted me when I walked into the house.

I smiled slightly. "I almost didn't Mom," I admitted. "But I'm here now." I took off my jacket and followed her into the dining room. It was a normal family gathering with Liz, Denis, Aunt Eve, Uncle Frank and Sheri. Charlie and Carrie were visiting her family this time. My parents, aunt and uncle were debating politics. I tuned them out and focused on eating.

"So Scott, how is work?" Liz asked.

I looked at her, surprised her first question wasn't about Brian. I shrugged. "It's not bad. I've been having trouble concentrating, but I'm getting back into everything," I admitted.

"Do you plan to settle into an office?" Denis asked, picking up the conversation.

I simply looked at him then glanced at Sheri. She smiled sympathetically and shrugged.

"No. Why would I set up an office? I don't know where I'll be in a few months. I'm hoping to be in Orlando," I told him bluntly.

The table fell silent. Mom finally broke the silence. "Orlando? Well I guess it's a nice city, but it's so far from home Scott," she said.

Everyone else picked up on that and began to talk about the benefits of living in Canada. I realized then that no one wanted to talk about Brian. Everyone was pretending that the previous year hadn't happened, everyone but Sheri.

I remained quiet for the rest of the meal. Thankfully, Sheri suggested we go outside for a short walk. She was finding it tough not to talk about Kevin with the family, so being alone gave her the chance. I knew Kevin wanted to be with Sheri when she told our parents, but they hadn't decided when that time would be.

We walked around the neighborhood silently for a few minutes.

"They don't mean to hurt you Scott," she said finally.

I sighed. "I know. But its like they are sitting there saying 'I told you so!' They don't even know what's going on between Brian and I. I'm not ashamed. I don't regret loving him. And I truly believe that at some point in the future we'll be together again," I told her seriously.

Sheri smiled. "I believe that too Scott."

I decided to change the subject. "So how is Kevin?" I asked.

She grinned. "He's good." She paused and looked at me. "He told me Brian wasn't doing too great. He's walking around in a daze most of the time."

I frowned. I knew my leaving hurt, but I didn't want him suffering. I decided I would call him when I got home, to see if he got the picture. We talked more about our men as we walked around the block and gradually headed back home.

Thankfully people began to leave soon after and I was able to make an early exit. I debated with myself the entire drive home about whether I should call or email Brian. I knew if I heard his voice I would likely fall apart. But I didn't want him to think I no longer cared.

Once back in my house I sat down on the couch with the phone in my hand. I finally took the plunge and dialed Brian's cell phone.

"Hello?" There was that voice I loved.

"Hi Brian Love," I said softly.

"Angel!" he breathed softly. "Happy anniversary Scott. I got your gift. Thank you!" Brian added.

I smiled to myself. It was so good to hear his voice. "You like it? I happened to put the tape on and saw you. It brought back so many great memories of this past year," I said honestly.

He was quiet for a moment and I wondered if I said something wrong. "It has been a good year overall hasn't it Scott?" he said quietly.

"I think so," I murmured.

I could hear Brian take a shaky breath. "I miss you," he whispered. I could hear the tears in his voice and felt my own tears well up. I blinked them back.

"I miss you too," I whispered back.

Another silence before Brian spoke again. "Don't give up on me Angel, please," he pleaded. "Please."

His plea was breaking my heart. "I won't Love, I promise," I whispered, almost in tears. "I have to go, Bri. I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Okay," he said faintly. "Scott?"


"I love you."

"Love you too," I said softly then hung up the phone.

The next month alternately flew by and crept by. When I was working or hanging out with friends, my thoughts of Brian were only every third or fourth second instead of every second. I worked extra hours trying to exhaust myself so I could sleep each night. After that one phone call, I resorted to emails because hearing his voice hurt too much.

I kept waiting for Brian to tell me things were changing, but it never happened. Despite my faith in our love, a seed of doubt began to creep into my thoughts. Brian ended each email with 'I love you'. But I was slowly starting to wonder if that would be enough. He hadn't told me about any plans he'd made. So perhaps he'd decided his career was more important at this stage in his life. I hated the thought of that, but it wasn't my decision. It wasn't even that I wanted Brian to come out. I just wanted to be acknowledged by him as part of his life.

It was the beginning of November when Drew stopped by just as I was checking my email. He made himself a coffee while I sort through business emails and personal messages. Once they were sorted, I clicked on the most important message there, one from Brian. I read it quickly.

"Shit!" I swore softly and closed my eyes.

Drew wandered out of the kitchen. "What's up?" he asked as he dropped to the couch.

I glanced at the screen again before looking at Drew. "Brian emailed me. He wants me to go to the concert on the eleventh," I explained.

"So what's the problem?" Drew asked me curiously.

I sighed and turned my chair around to face him. "What will it accomplish if I go?" I asked aloud. "He hasn't given me any indication that things have changed." I stood and began to pace. "God Drew, do you have any idea how much I want to see him, hold him, kiss him? There is this hole inside of me that no one can fill but Brian. But how much more am I supposed to take? If I go, and nothing is different, it will hurt even more," I admitted softly. I sat down again and put my head in my hands. "I don't think I could take it," I whispered.

Drew walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Then don't go Scott. You have to do what's right for you only," he added.

I raised my head and smiled weakly. "Then why is it that the right thing hurts so damn much?"

He just smiled slightly and brushed my hair from my face. "I wish I new."

I took a couple of deep breaths and sat up. "So are you going?" I asked him.

A real smile crossed his face. "Yeah. Alex asked. Hell, I'd have gone even if he didn't ask."

We began to talk about their relationship and it made me feel better to know they were continuing on.

It wasn't until later, after Drew had left, that I faced my email, and my decision again. The decision not to go broke my heart. I wanted to see Brian in person so much that it gnawed at me. But I had to protect myself.

During the days after I replied to Brian, I hoped I would hear from him, but somehow knew I wouldn't. I wondered if this was the final straw. But I wasn't going to stop hoping and waiting for Brian, until he told me it was over. I prayed that that day never came.

I kept busy, working from home, trying to avoid going into Toronto. I knew the Backstreet concert would be huge. The group was at the peak of their career. The media was talking about the concert and Much music was playing their videos while giving away concert tickets. The day of the concert I kept the TV off and only listened to CDs. I didn't want to be reminded about how close Brian was. Somehow I made it through the day and evening and crashed on my bed in exhaustion during the early hours of November twelfth.

It was later that day and I was just walking out of my bedroom when I heard a knock at the door. I pulled my t-shirt over my head as I walked down the hall. I opened the door and froze.

"Nick?" There was no question who the tall blond, standing in front of me, was. "Nick, what are you doing here?" I asked. Was Brian with him? I glanced past Nick to the car he'd driven. He was alone. Part of me was relieved, but the other part was disappointed. But I wasn't sure if I was ready to see Brian in person yet.

"So, do I have to stand out here all day or can I come in?" Nick interrupted my thoughts.

I focused my eyes back on him and smiled slightly. "I guess you better come in. We don't want a riot do we?" I moved back and he stepped past me.

I followed him into the living room where he plopped down on the couch.

He looked up at me. "Ya know, you are a stubborn bastard, Scott," he said lightly.

I grimaced and sat down in a chair. "And your point?" I said somewhat harshly. He looked at me and I sighed. "Sorry."

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "Just tell me one thing Scott. Do you still love him?"

I sighed again. "Nick…."

"It's a simple question Scott. Yes or no. Do you still love him?" he asked forcefully.

I closed my eyes. The very first image that came to my mind was one of Brian. Did I still love him? I opened my eyes and looked at Nick intently. "Until the day I die," I said honestly.

He smiled slightly. "Then give him another chance Scott. Don't give up hoping that things can or will change. If you love each other that much, you owe it to yourself, to each other to try to make it work." Nick's plea was passionate, but I couldn't let myself give in. How were things going to change?

Nick held up his hand before I could say 'No'.

"Please Scott!" He pulled an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to me. "That's a ticket for our concert in Orlando on December first. That's almost three weeks away." I could see tears in his eyes and I tried to ignore them. "You say you love him Scott. I know he loves you and so do you. And the fact is the rest of us have come to love you like a brother too. Please don't abandon your family. Give all of us a chance to make this right. Please?" The last word was little more than a whisper as the tears were streaming freely down his face.

I stared at the envelope, unsure what to say. I was fighting back my own tears.

"Does Brian know you're here?" I finally asked.

Nick wiped his face and shook his head. "No. You asked for time so he's trying to give it to you even though it's killing both of you." He stood up, running his fingers through his blond hair and sighing deeply. "I don't know what else to say to you Scott. We all miss you and this separation is eating Brian up. Let alone what it's doing to Kevin and Sheri," he added softly.

Hearing my sister's name got my attention quickly. "Sheri? What do you mean Nick?" I asked. When I had talked to Sheri at Thanksgiving, she had said everything was great.

He smiled at me ruefully. "Scott, you must know that this was going to create problems for them. They haven't broken up, but they are struggling. Both have very strong family loyalties that happen to be conflicting right now," he explained.

I guess I did know that, but I'd been trying not to think about it too much. It was my turn to sigh. "Okay Nick. You win. I'll go to the concert." I could see him begin to smile and shook my head. "Wait! I'll go Nick, but something has to change. I can't and won't go back to the way it was. Yes, I love Brian; I love him dearly. But I love myself too Nick. Do you understand?" I asked him.

Nick nodded. "I do understand Scott. Brian probably wouldn't want me to say anything, but I have to." He paused. "He's working on something Scott, that will change everything. I can't tell you what exactly, but since you left, he's been talking to people. I know him and I know he'll fix everything." He moved towards the door. "You promise to be at the concert?" he asked one more time, turning to look at me.

I smiled and walked over to give him a hug. "I promise Nicky! And you can tell Brian that too, alright?" I said, pulling back to look at him.

Nick smiled. "Okay Scott. I'll tell him. And I'll see you in three weeks, okay?"

We walked out to the front step. Nick started down the steps and I grabbed his hand. "Take care of him for me okay?" I asked softly.

He grinned. "I always do Scotty." I flinched at the name but grinned at him as he walked to the rental car.

"Take care Nick," I called.

He waved, started the car and drove away.

I wandered blindly back into the house and fell onto the couch. Nick had surprised the hell out of me. I knew we had been getting along great when I was with the tour. But I also knew Brian was his best friend. I realized suddenly just how much Nick would do to make his best friend happy.

I stared at the envelope on the coffee table. I couldn't believe I'd agreed to go. But Nick had said Brian was working on things. Maybe things could be different. But why hadn't Brian mentioned it himself?

I sighed and grabbed the phone. If I was going to Orlando, I needed to make flight plans. I decided to leave my return trip open. Maybe it was wishful thinking but I couldn't give up yet.

During the last three weeks of November I worked intently with my regular clients to modify their websites, getting the sites ready for the holiday season. Once those were taken care of, I focused on the Backstreet site. I made the changes that had been requested then added the new pages, including a new tour photo page. As I scanned through all the images I had taken on the tour, I couldn't help but smile and laugh as I remembered different incidences that lead to or followed some of the pictures. It made me feel closer to all of the guys and I realized just how much I did miss them, not just Brian.

By the time the thirtieth arrived I was more than ready to see the rest of my 'family'.

To be continued...

Next time: the reunion!!

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Millennium Love Summary up to Chapter 37

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