Date: Mon, 02 Jun 2003 23:58:10 +0000
From: Stephanie M
Subject: Mom Knows Best 17/?

Title: Mom Knows Best
Author: Stephanie M
Fandom: BSB/Nsync
Main Pairings: Nick/Justin, Kevin/Lance, Ben/?
Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction and is does not imply anything
about the sexuality of the celebrities mentioned herein. Once again, this
story is fiction, i.e. not true. Just call it a product of an overactive
imagination.
Status: WIP
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Nick and Justin discover that sometimes your mom can know you
better than you know yourself.

Part 17

"So you want something to drink?" Lance offered looking over at his friend,
desperate for some way to break the sudden tension between them.

JC shook his head. "That's okay. Could we just talk about what happened? If
we don't talk about it now then we never will. Where do you want to start?"

Lance said sarcastically, "How about December 15th last year? Do you
remember what happened that day?"

"Of course I remember. It was the day that I betrayed you."

Lance roared, "It was the day you told me that everything you had said to me
was a lie. You said that nights we spent together was just a tension relief
for you. When I dared to question your motives, you threatened to out me to
the world."

JC nodded ducking his head in shame, "I know but...I was afraid of what I was
feeling for you. I thought if I could push you away, make you hate me then
the temptation would go away and I would be normal again. You totally
destroyed my image of who I was and I was angry."

Lance sneered, "So that gave you the right to hurt me? You were the only one
I could trust after my heart was torn to pieces. You knew how much it took
for me to reach out to someone else. You promised to always be there, you
told me you loved me!"

JC said passionately, "I did but...it was becoming too much for me. I thought
it was just a phase that fucking you would make the feelings I had for you
disappear. It didn't work, I just lost you instead and made myself even more
miserable."

"Good, you deserve it. I can't say I forgive you but I want us to become
friends again. What do you think Ben and Kevin are talking about?"

"I want nothing more than to be your friend again. Lance, do you have
feelings for Ben?" JC asked nervously.

Lance emphatically shook his head, "I love him as a friend. I'm a little
possessive of him because he's the only one I've been able to trust
completely. Now he's reaching out to other people and he's not there for me
all the time as he used to be. It's ridiculous isn't it? I keep thinking
he's going to end up forgetting about me!"

"He won't do that. He's a nice guy, maybe he just thinks you need some
space." JC said logically not really knowing the man's intentions but
feeling he should comfort Lance. He owed the man, his friend that much. He
wasn't naïve enough to think they could ever be together, the one thing
Lance could never forgive was the way JC had hurt him, and he knew it.

"I hope so. Now enough of the depressing stuff, feel like hanging out in the
pool?"

"Sounds good. I was wondering if I should write some songs for the tour. The
press conference Justin and Nick gave has made me think, if we're going to
make this a reality then we need to have some more songs for this fictional
album."

Hearing the nerves in the older man's voice Lance looked up, "It makes sense
but you shouldn't force yourself to write. I'm sure our solos will do for
the album."

"You are right, as always. Now lets go, the pool is calling!" JC said with a
laugh, stripping as he walked outside to the heated pool.

Lance just rolled his eyes as made a quick detour to change and grab a
couple of towels before walking outside. Ignoring JC splashing the water,
the blonde slowly stepped into then water intending on spending a couple of
hours relaxing. It would be light for another two hours so they could chill
out together, something they hadn't done together in a long time.
*******
"The food's here, Ben!" Kevin said knocking on the bathroom on hearing the
man's acknowledgement Kevin returned to the cart.

Working quickly he poured a couple of glasses of red wine, placing the food
on the table so he could return the cart to the corner out of the way. He
didn't want Ben to fall over anything and get hurt. He moved the cart over
to the corner before checking the chocolate cheesecake was there, it was
along with a large can of cream.

"I'm over at the table." Kevin said quickly on spying the man by the
bathroom door.

"God, it smells wonderful!" Ben commented sitting down.

The pair ate their Steak with a Roquefort Sauce slowly, savouring the meal.
The food was one of the best meals they had ever eaten, strangely the
silence felt comfortable. It was as if the pair had known each other for
years rather than days, but each was filled with a sense of rightness at the
comfortable if somewhat confusing friendship they had developed.

As they ate Ben hoped Lance wouldn't see his associating with Kevin as a
deliberate snub but he knew it was the right thing do to. Lance still had to
talk everything through with JC, Ben knew something was hovering in the air
between the pair and he wanted to help solve the problem. Kevin was a
stranger, true but Ben couldn't help but feel the man was hiding something
that was slowly destroying him.

"Are you ready for the Triple Chocolate Delight, Ben?"

Ben nodded, "I guess, thank goodness we ordered small portions. From the
sound of it, the cheesecake is very sickly-sweet."

"It probably is!" Kevin said with a laugh placing the plate in front of Ben,
watching as the dark-haired man ate slowly.

"It is heavenly. My sister would kill to eat this!" Ben commented with a
laugh.

Almost thirty minutes later, the pair had finished eating so Kevin returned
the cart to the corridor. Walking back into the room, he was amused to see
Ben nervously humming along to the song on the radio. Coughing to alert the
man of his presence Kevin did his best not to start laughing when Ben
blushed.

"So what do you want to talk about?" Ben suggested as the pair sat down on
the sofa.

"Why don't you tell me about your life in Boston?"

"There isn't much to tell. I was basically a loner, I only had a couple of
close friends. I tend to be pretty introverted and most people can't stand
that. Whenever I wasn't working I was helping out in my sister's school. It
specialises in kids who are visually impaired, many have been that way since
birth."

"Sounds like hard work. Did you ever get any time for yourself?"

"A couple of hours a day before I went to bed. I spent most of that time on
my computer surfing the net."

"I would have thought it would be difficult for someone with your eyesight
problems?"

Ben nodded having become accustomed to the assumption, "Not at all. I have a
program that reads the entire page aloud called a screen reader and thanks
to a different type of keyboard than normal I don't have to use a mouse. I
can also print out documents in Braille, because of a special printer and a
couple of computer programs. If I ever have any problems my sister lives in
my house so she's always there to help."

"That's good. I didn't realise there was so much technology designed to
help."

Having expected that response Ben nodded, "Its not something widely
publicised but my sister and friends helped me research into ways to allow
me to live a normal live."

Kevin coughed, "I guess I should tell you who the guy is I'm in love with."

"Only if you want to but I thought you didn't love him anymore." Ben said
even though he was dying to know the truth.

Kevin looked into his glass answering, "I love him but he's never going to
speak to me again. I hurt him too much. I abandoned him to get married."

"That's really sad. If you love someone, you should be with them no matter
what the cost."

"You act as if you know what you are talking about. What happened to you
Ben?"

Ben blushed slightly, "There is this one guy. Hell I would do anything for
him. He asked me to keep away from him though, he said that he couldn't risk
anyone finding out about us. He's not out. I only spent a month with him
when he asked me to keep away. He said he couldn't risk losing his dream."

"That's terrible, does he love you as well?"

Ben shrugged, "I don't know. Sometimes he acts like he does but he hasn't
actually said the words. He still calls me sometimes but I don't think we'll
be getting together soon. My sister has been trying to set me up with other
guys, she feels that I'm wasting my life on some guy who's never going to
love me the way I love him. I think that's why she encouraged me to go out
to LA to spend the weekend with Jamie. I will admit I'm attracted to him but
it wouldn't be fair on any of us to get together. My heart belongs to
someone else, Jamie deserves more than that."

Kevin said seriously, "I hope you get together with this guy, even if he was
an idiot for doing that to you but I'm not one to talk. Anyway, I guess I
should tell you how I met the man I love."

"If you don't mind!" Ben said with a small laugh.

Flashback Kevin's POV

1998

I walked back to my room having had enough of the meeting for a while.
Hearing the sound of music coming from one of the nearby rooms along with a
lot of crying I stopped wondering if I should do something or call someone.

I moved closer to the origin of the sound, stopping in confusion when I
noticed the door to the room was open slightly. My curiosity and concern for
the stranger crying was urging me to investigate so I slowly opened the
door. My jaw fell when I realised who was in the room. It was Lance Bass!
The blonde was crying angry tears streaming down his face.

"What's wrong, Lance?" I asked surprising the man who jumped anxiously.

"K...Kevin what are you doing here?"

"I heard you and I was wondering if there was something I could do to help.
What's wrong?"

"This dance! I can't do it and the guys are getting tired of me. Everyone
keeps yelling at me to practice, I know the steps but my fucking body won't
cooperate!"

The cursing surprised me as I had heard the man didn't swear. Seeing how it
much it was bothering the attractive man I offered impulsively, "Do you want
me to help you learn the dance. I was a dance instructor years ago so I can
help. I promise not to yell at you or insult you."

"That would be great! Are you sure there isn't something else you would
rather do?"

"I was planning a pretty boring night watching TV anyway." I said with a
shrug, it was the truth since I spent most of my time watching out for the
rest of the guys. It was a responsibility that was foisted on me but I was
beginning to like it.

"Thanks Kevin!" Lance said happily before moving the furniture so there was
plenty of room for us both to move.

The blonde placed the CD on loop, pausing it long enough to give me a piece
of paper from the chorographer with the exact steps and timing marked down.
I was shocked to see the file Lance had taken the instructions from was
massive, the binder read `Lance's Practice Instructions.' It was obvious
that Lance had a lot of practice with having to learn all the steps alone, I
was shocked the rest of the guys weren't helping him as my group always
helped each other with routines.

"So where are the rest of your group?" I asked wanting to know why they had
abandoned him.

Lance looked at me in confusion seemingly not knowing why I would ask such a
question. Finally he said, "No idea. They didn't say anything to me but no
surprise there (!) I think they are playing games in Chris' room."

"They aren't talking to you?" I asked angry at the way Lance was being
treated.

Apparently unconcerned by the attitude of his bandmates Lance shrugged,
"They never do unless its business. I'm the odd one out, I'm only here
because they needed a bass and I was lucky enough to be picked."

"Oh. I didn't realise everything was so strained between you, you have been
together for a while."

Lance smiled sadly, "I know but they think I'm a weird, boring girl
apparently or at least that's what Chris and Joey called me."

I smiled reassuringly, "They are idiots, they will come around." Looking
away from his happy attractive face I said, "Now onto the dance, you know
the steps so all you have to do is relax. If you get too worked up or start
analysing everything then your body won't do what you want it to do. Believe
me on this, its happened enough to me!"

Two hours later we had made a lot of progress, I was reassured that Lance
could perform the dance. It said a lot that I approved of the dance as I'm a
perfectionist when it comes to performing. I was sitting on the floor,
looking up at the blonde as he moved to the music. He was beautiful, it was
obvious to me that he was a born performer. True, he took a little longer
than most to pick up the dance but he had an inborn grace and truly enjoyed
performing. His enjoyment and joy was obvious in his movements and made me
feel happy that I had managed to help him feel that way.

End Flashback

Ben said shocked, "Jamie is the man you love. I wasn't expecting that! How
long did it take you to fall for him?"

Kevin said with a fond smile his feelings clear in his voice, "Not long,
he's just amazing. Okay, he's gorgeous but its more than that. He's just
perfect. Its little things really, like the way he blushes when he swears,
the little nervous smile he gets, how much he cares about people and how he
will do anything for his friends. I love him but it just wasn't to be. I've
lost him and I'll never have a chance to be with him. I know that and I
accept it."

"Maybe you will have another chance. Jamie has told me that he still has
feelings for the man he was going out with years ago called Scott. He said
the man worked for a rival company and that Scott had been the only one to
help him when his friends deserted him."

"I might have a chance with him? That would be great but I honestly think
I'm fucked."

Ben said with a small laugh, "You are so pessimistic, Kev. Look the worst
that can happen is that he'll say no but you should give it a try."

Kevin nodded, "You may be right, I think I'll spend some time with him
first. I'll be happy just being around him."

Ben said with a wide grin. "I'll help you in any way I can. If you love
Jamie and he loves you then you guys should be together. I think you be good
together."
*******
AJ looked over at his friend in a mixture of worry and anger, he couldn't
understand why Howie was behaving especially to Nick. The anger Howie had
directed at Justin amazed him, was it because Howie was in denial or was
there a deeper reason?

"Want to tell me what's going on D?" AJ asked glaring at his friend.

Howie said furtively, "I'm just a little shocked that Nick's one of the
them. He's not a...pervert like the rest of the fags. I mean, Nick's one of
the best men I know. He's kind, loyal, honest I just can't understand how he
could be gay!"

"What makes you think a kind, loyal, honest man can't be gay?" AJ enquire
taking a sip of his Sprite.

Howie snarled, "Fags aren't any of those things. Leon definitely wasn't any
of those things!"

"Who is Leon?" AJ asked not recognising the name.

"Someone I met in college." Howie said in a strained tone looking down at
his hands.

Ignoring the tone that told him Howie didn't want to talk about it AJ asked
gently, "How did you meet him?"

"He was at a party I went to. We hung out for a little while and I thought
he was a nice guy. I was wrong, I found that out on the Valentine's. We were
both dateless so we spent the night watching a few action flicks in his
room. He brought out some beers. Everything started spinning, I couldn't
focus on anything. My body wouldn't do what I wanted it to. That's when it
happened."

"What happened?"

Howie ignored the questioning, "Leon started kissing me, groping me. I tried
to push him away but I couldn't. I said no but he just laughed. Then
everything goes blurry but I have a few flashes. I remember being held down
by two men, Leon and some of his friends were laughing. There was this
burning pain in my ass and I remember Leon going on about how tight I was
while the others encouraged him to rape me. I remember a lot of other men
raping me. I know there were at least 6 but I can't remember the exact
number. The worst part is that I came while they were raping me!"

"Y...You were raped, why didn't you tell me?" AJ said aghast at how much his
friend had suffered without him even suspecting anything was wrong.

Howie sneered, "Like I was going to tell you a bastard pervert drugged me
and raped me! I was doing my best to forget about it, for the most part I
had managed to repress it apart from the dreams. For months I kept wondering
if it was something I did, if I had accidentally made him think I wanted
him, that I was gay. "

"I can't believe you didn't tell me. Any time you need to talk about it, I'm
here."

Howie looked his young friend in the eye saying, "One of the reasons I
didn't tell you because I didn't want you to look at me as if I'm broken,
just like you are now. I know what happened, I'll never forget it. I know I
should have told someone about it but I didn't. Do you have any idea how
fucking embarrassing it is to know that I was overpowered so easily? I was
ashamed and confused by what happened."

AJ knew one wrong word could destroy their friendship forever  as he said,
"I understand that and I don't think you're broken. I'm your friend and I
want to help. I can understand why you started hating all gay people but
Nick wouldn't do that to you. He's not interested in you in a sexual way,
he's only interested in one man and that's Justin. Nick, Justin and Lance
would never hurt you like that, I promise."

Howie nodded, "I understand what you are saying but it is very difficult to
make my heart believe it. I will try but I can't promise anything."

"That's all I ask of you, D. Would it be okay if I stay with you? I don't
feel like going back to an empty home."

"That would be nice, Alex." Howie said not wanting to start another
argument.


End Part 17


"You write in order to change the world, knowing perfectly well that you
probably can't, but also knowing that literature is indispensable to the
world... The world changes according to the way people see it, and if you
alter, even by a millimeter, the way ... people look at reality, then you
can change it."
-- James Arthur Baldwin (1924-87), American writer, critic