Date: Fri, 19 Apr 2002 16:23:53 -0700
From: Scott Lockhart <scottiescot@hotmail.com>
Subject: my girlfriend made me do it-chapter 11

	"The girl I'm stalking? She got me bumped back to 200 yards." Any Simpson's
fans here? Anyway, my mood has improved, since I did so well on all of those
projects (well most of them...my physics grade is now seriously in the
toilet, but all of my other classes I'm still acing), but I'm warning you,
this is a chapter that will make or break my readership: everything gets
called into question: I will finally resolve Justin's story, I question Josh
and Austin's relationship, introduce a new character into the mix, and build
up more on Austin.

I have noticed that most of the stories around here have started entering
the 'honeymoon' phase (of course I'm checking out my competition ;p), you
know, that whole long boring ass chapter about a first date, and oh how
special it was, and isn't everything great. My ass. If you are expecting
Austin and Josh to be heading off to some stupid restaurant by themselves,
spending a quiet evening alone to be romantic, you obviously don't know
Austin very well. If you want lovey-dovey, maybe you should be reading
another story, because this chapter is going to change everything!! Also, I
won't be able to answer any of your email this weekend, because I have three
games lined up (yes, we made the playoffs, even though we lost to Lewis and
Clark State, those cheap bastards!) I hope your all rooting for me...I got a
long weekend ahead of me. Drop me a line, and I will respond when I get a
few minutes of free time. scottiescot@hotmail.com

	"What?" I said pointedly. What could it be this time? Was he the
reincarnation of Hitler? Did he want to reiterate how much he despised me,
because by the way he was looking at me, I didn't need him to tell me that.
	"You know Josh is gay, right..." he said cautiously, suddenly turning
chicken.
	"Yes..." I said, waiting for what he wanted to say. But I suddenly felt
apprehensive. Everything that I had told Justin so far was a lie. I told him
I wasn't gay, and I wasn't with Josh. But the lie was cheap, and anyone
could have seen how flimsy it was.
	"And you know he likes you...as more than a friend..." Justin continued.
"Even if you don't like him back, I am telling you now, the boy is hot for
you."
	This was getting worse and worse. Lying to Justin was turning out to be a
bad idea, because now I had to keep lying. I had to think what would a
straight guy say when he heard that his gay friend had the hots for him?
	"Umm, I don't think..." I started to say, but he held up a hand, and to my
surprise, I fell silent. Well, it wasn't like I could think of anything to
say anyway.
	"Trust me. He's my best friend. I know he does."
	"Well...what do I do?" I said cautiously, feigning ignorance, hoping that
Justin would just tell me what he wanted, I could please him, I would
quickly tell Josh the next chance I got, and we would all be happy.
	"I don't want Josh getting hurt," he said bluntly.
	"Me either," I said, and we both looked at each other, for once, without
one of us glaring daggers at the other.
	"I just...I don't like you...because...I...I..." He was at a loss for
words. I gave him time, and tried to sort out in my head what made sense.
	 If there was any truth to the lie I kept expressing (that I was simply
Josh's straight friend who had agreed to spend the week with him), I didn't
come off very good: apparently, I was enjoying using Josh's fame to get a
free vacation in Palm Springs, and free trips to wherever I wanted, and
Josh's obvious affection for me was blinding him to seeing that I was using
him. The longer we pretended there was nothing going on between us, the
longer the whole group would think that I was just some asshole who knew
that Josh was in love with me, and decided to take advantage of it, without
even admitting that we were together. No wonder Justin hated me so much. It
wasn't because he thought I was stealing his best friend or whatever I had
thought earlier, it was because he thought I was using Josh for his money.
	That framing incident hadn't been a joke after all. Had it worked, Josh
would have seen me for the sugar daddy everyone thought I was, and Justin
could save Josh from getting hurt by me. But apparently, only Justin thought
that was the case. From what I knew, Justin and Lance were the only ones who
knew Josh was gay, and Justin, his best friend, would be especially
protective of him from what he thought I was.
	Lance hadn't seemed to think that I was anything more than a friend, and
he, like the others, had been nothing but friendly towards me, and had let
me hang out with them and stuff. But I didn't know how they really felt. I
had observed Chris and Lance exchanging glances, but that didn't tell me
anything. Maybe someone, Lance or Justin, had secretly told Chris, and told
him to be on alert for Josh. Someone might even have told Joey, prompting
him to go on matchmaker duty for me, hoping that if I hooked up, I wouldn't
have time to hurt Josh even more, and Josh would see that he had no chance
with me, and wouldn't set himself up for a fall.
	I knew that the group was close knit, but I was naïve to think that I could
have been so easily taken in when we were laughing and joking in the van on
the way to Disneyland. That they would all band together to look out for
Josh made perfect sense. Now if only I could prove it was what was really
going on...
	"Hold on. First, here's your three hundred dollars, and I don't appreciate
you trying to embarrass me in front of everyone, especially Josh," I said,
pulling out my wallet.
	"So you did have it!" he declared, his contemptible smile returning.
	"Of course dumb ass, since you put it in there," I retorted, pulling out
the money.
	Justin said nothing, silently admitting to trying to frame me. I didn't
need him to admit it, I already knew. Who else would have done it? I
certainly hadn't taken it. I handed him the money, and he snatched it back,
shoving it into his pocket.
	"I know you're only hanging around us for the fame," he said casually,
locking eyes with me.
	"What fame? I barely know who you are!" I replied angrily.
	"What?" he said, disbelieving. His mouth dropped open in shock.
	"Well I know the name, but other than that, I don't really know anything. I
was surprised that they were all over you guys at that club," I admitted.
	"How can you not know N'Sync? We're everywhere!" he gaped.
	"I said I know the name, but I'm not a fan. I..." I started, but Justin
interrupted me.
	"Then why are you here?"
	"Because Josh invited me for my spring break. We talk on the phone a lot,
and he said I needed a vacation after all this school and everything, and he
said why not come here and hang out?"  How did Justin not know this? Didn't
Josh tell him why I had come out? Yes he had, I answered myself. I remember
talking to Josh about it on the submarine ride.
	"You talk on the phone a lot?" he repeated. Before I could answer, he asked
another question.
	"So wait, you're not here to go with us on the MTV Spring Break
performance?"
	"No, I don't want to see MTV Spring Break. I'm just here to relax, and hang
around with my friend Josh. That's it."
	"Are you going with us to Cancun?" he said.
	"Cancun? What?" What the hell?
	"MTV Spring Break is in Cancun. We're rehearsing here at the studio for a
week and leaving on Thursday for Mexico, where we do our performance for
"Girlfriend", then we come back on Saturday," he said, like I was the
stupidest person in the world.
	"You're...you're leaving?" I said, blinking, not sure I understood. I had
thought the performance was here in Palm Springs. Josh hadn't told me
anything about the performance being somewhere else. Then again, we hadn't
exactly had a lot of time to talk. Where was Josh anyway? I needed to talk
to him, another one of our long, up-till-two-thirty-in-the-morning talks,
except without the phone.
	"Didn't Josh tell you?" said Justin, his eyes wide.
	'No... ...I... ...I thought the performance was here," I said, frowning.
Why wouldn't Josh tell me something this important? I didn't know what I was
supposed to do...if Josh was due in Mexico, would I have to go with him?
Would I be leaving back to Washington early? I certainly couldn't stay here,
by myself.
	"I need to talk to Josh." I said.
	"Wait, I still haven't told you..." he started, but I cut him off.
	"Look, if you think that I am leading Josh on so that I can get a free
vacation and some money, you're wrong. I would never do that to a friend. No
matter who he is."
	"That's not what I was going to say," he snarled.
	"Then what is it, Justin? I am getting sick and tired of fighting with you!
I don't even know why you hate me so much. What the hell did I ever do to
you?"
	He grew quiet, his gaze dropping to the floor. God damn it, the one thing I
wanted to hear from him, and that's when he clams up.
	"Well?!" I prompted. I wanted to make sure that it was that he thought I
was using Josh for his money. It was the only thing that made sense, and if
he kept denying it...what?
	"I...I..." but before he could answer, Josh himself strides through the
door, looking angry. One look at his face told me he had probably heard
everything.
	"Justin, you make me so fucking mad! I ought to ring your god-damn neck!"
	"Josh..." I started, putting my hand on his shoulder, but he shook it off
angrily.
	"Who the hell gave you the right to say things like that to my friend?
Austin wouldn't even let me give him 40 dollars for a ticket to Disneyland,
why would you think that I would think he stole $300 from you?!"
	"Josh, I..." said Justin, looking at the floor.
	"And another thing. Austin," he said, turning to me. Uh oh. "I am sick and
tired of all this lying!" Shit, here we go. I felt myself cringe with guilt.
"I can't keep lying to my friends, it eats me up! Can't you just tell him
the truth?"
	Now it was my turn to look at the floor. Justin regarded me with a shocked
look, his mouth forming a small o of surprise. Here went my credibility.
	"What do you mean, tell him the truth?" said Justin, his voice rising.
	No one said anything. Josh looked at me with hurt in his eyes, tears
already threatening to spill over, if I stayed silent another minute.
	"I...am...I am with Josh, Justin," I said softly, forcing the words out.
This was the first time that I had actually said those words out loud, or
had admitted even to myself that Josh and I were quickly becoming a couple.
I had been hoping that we could keep what we were doing casual, and that it
didn't really matter if we told anyone or not, because it wasn't like we
were serious or anything.
	To both of our extreme surprise, Justin looked at both of us with wet eyes,
before turning and fleeing the room in tears. And I knew. I knew.
	I knew why Justin hated me, and why he acted so protective of josh. I knew
why he wanted to have this talk, and why he wanted to suddenly leave the
club with us. I knew why he was so suspicious, and I knew why he tried to
frame me.

He wanted Josh.

But before I could process this, I had another, more immediate problem on my
hands: a pissed off Josh. He was furious with me, and he had every right to
be. I had had the chance to make amends with Justin, and I had ruined it by
stretching out the lie, to selfishly satisfy my own delusions.
	The thing was, Josh was already out to at least some of the group. He had
been telling me recently about coming out to the other guys as well, but he
was afraid of how they would take it, because they didn't seem open to the
gay lifestyle, which was understandable. I had said I could help him, maybe
by being there with him when he told everyone else, like his other friends,
his family, etc. But I was being a total hypocrite.
	Who had I told about myself? Absolutely no one. Every single second that I
wasn't with Josh, I tried to convince myself that I was just in an
experimental phase thing, that I wasn't really totally gay, that I wasn't
going to keep this up, but every time I looked into his eyes, and saw his
smile, well, the rest is history. Rationally, I think the last thing I
wanted to be was gay, but with Josh, I wanted to be with him so bad, it
hurt. I don't know: I wanted us to slow the hell down, but I also wanted to
be closer...I didn't really know what I wanted.
	I was terrified of the truth. I don't think I want to be gay. I still had
those hang ups that hadn't gone away for the past month, and I doubted would
ever go away. Who was I? I had never felt this way about a guy before. I had
never felt this way, period, all fucking confused and shit. I couldn't even
think straight.
	I think I wanted one thing, and that was to be with Josh, but I wasn't
sure. He was so funny, and he made you feel like you were the most important
person in the world, even if you were just a fucked up kid from Seattle that
got dragged to one of his concerts. He cared about people, and was always
willing to put himself on the line for his friends. He was so caring, and so
kind, and so good, that I knew I could never be like that. I could never
measure up to deserve to be with him. I didn't even know what he saw in me.
I felt like a loser next to him.
	That was how I felt right now, the biggest loser in the world. I had fucked
up, AGAIN, and I had hurt Josh by denying that we were together. He probably
thought I was ashamed of him, and it wasn't that. I was ashamed of myself,
and I couldn't bring myself to admit that I wasn't the same: I was
different. I didn't even know who I was anymore.
	"We need to talk Austin, " he said, sitting down on a couch. I plopped down
next to him, in a daze, still wondering how quickly Justin could run off to
Lance's to tell him the news.
	Josh started. "Austin, all day you've been avoiding me. Every time I try
and get close to you, you keep pushing me away. Even when we're alone.
What's wrong?" he looked at me, his eyes wide with curiousity. So innocent.
	I looked down at the ground. There was so much going through my head right
now, and all of it was connected to Josh. What would I say?
	"Josh, I...I'm not sure if what we're doing is right or not..." I said
slowly, avoiding his gaze. I couldn't stand having to see all the hurt I was
about to put him through. I hadn't even known that I was going to say this,
but Justin's words had scared me. He made it sound like Josh was putting all
his hopes on me...all those years of dead-end relationships...all the hiding
and pretending... that's kind of a lot for a guy to live up to, and I was
really worried that I wasn't going to be able who josh wanted me to be. I
wasn't ready for a long-term thing,  and Josh was kind of clingy...He had
followed me around at the club, and hadn't liked me being away from him when
his friends had split up at the park. Did he want something more than just a
casual kind of thing?
	"What do you mean?" he said, swallowing hard. I hoped he wasn't going to
cry, I really did.
	"Josh...Justin said that you have been preparing a lot for me coming out
here..." I started cautiously. God, this was going to be hard.
	"Yeah?"
	"Well, he also said that he didn't want you to get disappointed if things
didn't come out like you'd planned..." I continued, still unsure of how to
approach the subject. I looked up at Josh to regain my composure, but he
looked like I was about to tell him he had cancer. His eyes were wide and
bright, fixed on my face, his hands tightly gripping the edge of the sofa.
	I looked down at the floor again. I wasn't trying to break up with him. I
just wanted us to slow down. Forcing me to admit that we were together in
front of Justin made me realize that maybe I didn't really want to be in a
relationship right now. But it was now or never. All day, every time I had
tried to talk to Josh about slowing things down, he had simply shoved his
tongue in my mouth to shut me up. And I had let him, thinking that hopefully
that was all or relationship would be: basically friends, but some sex. But
if Justin was telling the truth...
	"Austin what are you saying...are you saying you don't want to be with me?"
he said, his voice tight with emotions.
	"No, Josh, that's not it," I said quickly, looking up at him again. Damn
it, tears were already leaking out. Why was this so hard?
	"I just think that maybe we're going a little too fast..." I said
carefully, still not meeting his eyes.
	"What the hell do you mean too fast?!" he said, his voice rising.
	"Josh, I..."
	"No, don't give me that. What the hell do you mean?!? Am I not doing enough
for you? Have I not treated you good? Then what the hell, Austin!? While I'm
trying to make everything smooth for you, all you do is pick fights with
Justin! Well I am getting pretty darn tired of working my ass to please you
so that you can tell everyone we're not together!"
	"Josh..."
	"No, I don't want to fucking hear it. I should have known that you'd
chicken out. Why do you do this? Every time I try and get close you want to
run away!" he said.
	"No, I..."
	"Bullshit!! Remember back at that hotel, when you kissed me, then ran into
the woods because you couldn't admit that we had something?! Remember?! Why
can't you just say it, Austin! I've been waiting for you to say it for so
long!"
	"I...I...I can't..." I said quietly. I couldn't admit that I felt something
with Josh, I couldn't. That would be admitting that I was gay, and admitting
that I wanted something more with him. I stared into the floor, realizing
how awful I was, and how could Josh put up with a jerk like me.
	"Fine, you know what? Just forget it. I'm going to bed." Heg to up and left
the living room, leaving me alone, feeling ashamed. Well, that went well.
	After a few minutes I walked upstairs to the room that Josh had set up for
me. Look how much Josh has done for you, you ungrateful little shit. How can
you be such a burden? How can you be so stupid?
	I locked the door behind me.
	I lay on the bed without changing, thinking about everything that Justin
had told me, and thinking about how Josh felt. For hours. I wasn't as
serious as Josh was. I wanted to keep playing this game, to hide who I was,
because I was afraid. But Josh knew the right thing to do. Did I deserve to
be with him? Did I want to be with him?
	That question surprised me. I had come out here to be with him, right? But
not in the romantic way Josh seemed to have planned. I had just wanted to
hang out and have fun, be casual with Josh. I didn't want to be all serious
and intimate and romantic with him. I wanted some space. I wanted a chance
to see what I really wanted. I didn't want to be tied down again. I wanted
to be with Josh, but not romantically. Just as a friend, not as a boyfriend.
	Still, a nasty voice said in the back of my head, you already slept with
him. You were kissing him ten minutes ago. You may not want to be gay, but
your cock says otherwise.

Sigh.

The next morning, I woke late after a pretty restless night, around eight
o'clock. Josh hadn't come in to speak to me during the night after I had
turned away from him in the living room last night. I couldn't find him any
where in the condo, and his door was open, the bed made.
	I also couldn't find Justin either, and I wondered where he had spent the
night. He had said that he was going to crash at Josh's place, but after
last night, who knows where he had ended up. I decided I didn't care.
	I went back to my room, showered, and changed. Then I decided that I
couldn't stand the silence of Josh's house anymore, so I walked outside,
into the garden. It was empty.
	I examined the garden, noticing how dreary it looked even though it was
bright and sunny out. Man, I was in a depressing mood. Even the chirping
birds seemed like they were repeating everything Josh had said to me last
night. I decided to sit down in one of the decorative chairs that ringed the
fountain and wait for Josh. I would be able to see him no matter where he
came from. And he had to face me sooner or later.
	I had decided more or less what I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him
that I was still sorting out my feelings for him, and that spending all day
with him had made me think a little bit about what I was getting into. Our
cell phone relationship so far had been just what I needed to get over Jen:
a nice, understanding friend that was quick with compliments I could never
take, and always filled in the conversation with chatter, knowing how quiet
I was. Josh had been perfect in that role, and I had taken it for granted,
because now he felt I owed him. And I wasn't sure If I thought I did owe him
anything. Friends weren't supposed to owe each other, but I didn't mean to
upset him, and makie him think I didn't want him. I decided to just wait and
see what he had to say. He can be pretty understanding...sometimes...
	Unfortunately, the first person that I saw was Lance, who came out of his
condo, the one across the garden, two doors down from ours, in the shade of
a giant Indian laurel.
	"Hey man, what are you doing out here?" he said, walking up to me. I
shrugged.
	"Is something wrong?" he said, taking a seat on the edge of the flowerbed
across from me.
	"No, nothing's wrong," I said predictably. What is always my first response
to anyone's concern? Denial. Always has been. What a great combo, huh? A
silent type deep in denial.
	"You sure?" he pressed, peering closely at me. I wondered why he was so
concerned for me. I had barely met him yesterday. But then again, like they
say, friendships made in extremity solidify faster than those made in more
ordinary times. Still, I couldn't really talk to Lance. Didn't even know his
last name.
	"I'm sure. Just tired I guess," I said, staring into space.
	"Look, I know we don't know each other very well, but you seem like you
have a lot on your mind," he said, folding his hands and putting them in his
lap. He locked his eyes on me, trying to make eye contact, but I kept
avoiding his gaze. The last time one of the members of N'sync had tried to
get me to talk, I had knocked him to the ground, and fled.
	"No really, I'm fine," I insisted, getting up suddenly. I twisted my ball
cap around so that it was backwards, and gave him a weak smile. See? I could
handle it. So what if Josh was mad at me, and no one wanted me here. Did
that mean I was supposed to be all weepy?
	"Well, just so you know, Josh told me that you were coming with us to the
studio today, but he and Justin had to go in early. He asked me and Joey to
take you," he said.
	Sure, Josh had to go in early. Right. He was almost as good at lying as I
was.
	"OK," I answered Lance, again, never giving more than five words.
	"Well, are you ready?" he said. "We're supposed to be there by
nine-thirty."
	"Just gotta get my stuff," I answered, turning back to the condo.
	"Hey Austin," he said, stopping me.
	"If you're upset about Justin, don't be. He's just a prick sometimes, just
don't let him bother you."
	"OK," I answered, not knowing what else to say. I just walked somberly back
to the condo, walked upstairs, grabbed my backpack and came back down. Lance
took out a pair of keys and locked Josh's door behind me.
	We walked silently to the condo on the other side of Josh's, and Lance
knocked once. Joey answered, his hair wet, his eyes over-bright. I wondered
if Trish had spent the night here, and the whole evening came back, and I
remembered everything that had happened after the club.
	"Hey man, sorry about that Pam chick," he said, pulling on a watch onto his
wrist. He walked out and locked his door, then pulling up the sleeves of his
sweatshirt.
	"Don't worry about it. She wasn't my type," I answered.
	"Yeah well, I feel bad though, because the whole reason I wanted you to
come was to get over Jen. You still seem kind of depressed about her," he
said, looking concerned. What was with everyone being concerned with me all
of a sudden?
	"Jen and I are over, dude. I'm just a little down for some other stuff," I
mumbled, looking down at the ground. I did not want to go into detail.
	"Ok," he said easily, and I remembered how easy-going he was. "Well, Scoop.
Who's ride, yours or mine?" he asked Lance, changing the subject.
	"I'll drive," said Lance, giving me another concerned look. I looked away.
	We walked to the garage, and Lance picked out the Land Cruiser. I should
have known, knowing how reserved he was. I was pleased to see, though, that
the black Merc and the Jag were both missing, meaning that Josh and Justin
had at least gone to the studio in separate cars.
	The ride to the studio wasn't silent, as I had suspected, even though I
was. Lance and Joey both kept trying to get me to talk, joking around,
talking about who the hottest babe on TV was, and stuff. I just stared out
the window, remaining distant. I wasn't thinking of Josh however. I had
another thing to push him out of my mind: work. I contented myself with
trying to list all of the stuff I had to do this week in my head, knowing
how easy it is to forget about something when you concentrate on school. I
know, 'cause I've done it before.
	Today would be the first day that I would actually enter the studio, though
I had seen it from the outside yesterday before we had left for Disneyland.
I figured I might as well get used to it, since I would be spending a
majority of my time there, trying to do the homework that was due at the end
of spring break. I was lucky enough that I had just had a chemistry test
last week, but I had a lot of Japanese homework. That left a major calc
project, as well as a calc test as soon as I got back, and a research paper
for English, also due the Monday I got back.
	We pulled into the studio lot again, which seemed a lot bigger now than I
remembered from yesterday. Lance parked out front of a one-story tan stucco
building with glass doors. If I thought the studio lot had been huge, I
wasn't prepared for the actual studio itself, as we walked inside. The main
entrance area easily could have held a hundred and fifty people in it, and
the room was ringed with photos of other famous singers that the band's
record label had produced. A few security guards were in the entrance area,
but none of them were Mike, and none of them gave me a second look. Josh
must have told them that I was coming. Lance and Joey walked up to the
receptionist, a very attractive young black girl, who was seated behind a
very large blue desk, which looked like it was made out of plastic. It
matched the blue of her iMac.
	"Hey, Lisa, howzit?" said Joey, and the receptionist looked up at them and
smiled.
	"It's hangin', Slim," she said, and we laughed at the nickname. "What have
you been up to?"
	"Nothing much. Just chillin' till we got those MTV rehearsals," said Joey,
picking up some little knickknack from Lisa's desk and fiddling with it."
	"I heard it's heating up this week," she said, and I caught her eye. She
had gorgeous eyes, beautiful long lashes, clear and wide and brown. She
smiled at me, and I grinned back. Beautiful smile.
	"Yeah, it's gonna reach 90 pretty soon," commented Lance, leaning against
the counter. I looked down at my shoes, realizing that I was staring at Lisa
too long.
	"So who's this?" said Lisa, indicating me.
	"This is my boy, Austin," said Joey.
	"He's kicking it with us, and he'll be hanging around here all week. Is
that cool?" said Lance.
	"Oh sure. Nice to meet you, Austin," she said, and I shook her hand. She
had really soft hands, and that beautiful smile, wow. I blushed again, god
damn I blush too easily, then realized I was looking at her again. I
abruptly dropped her hand, and looked back at Joey, who had a huge grin on
his face for some reason.
	"We'll keep him in the lounge," said Lance. He steered me down to a hallway
on the other side of the receptionist's desk.
	"Later," said Joey and Lance as they pulled me away from her.
	I waved good-bye to Lisa, and noticed that she was looking at me kind of a
little too closely, too. She was foxy, slim, excellent body, with beautiful
teeth. Beautiful dark hair, always a turn on for me, that was curled and
styled perfectly. I chased the thought of her being attracted to me out of
my head, and instead tried to think of good thoughts of Josh.
	Joey and Lance led me down a corridor on the right of the receptionist's
desk, and stopped at a double door about half way down. Joey opened the
doors, and I was led into a bright, sun-filled room.
	"You can chill in here and do homework or whatever. This is like, the main
lounge, and if you ask Lisa in there for something, anything, she'll get it
for you, no questions asked," said Joey, and now I realized why he was
grinning.	"Shut up," I muttered. They both grinned and left, and I
remembered that neither of them knew about what had happened last night
between me, Josh and Justin.
	As Joey closed the doors, I investigated the lounge. It was about 20 feet
by 25 ft, kind of comfortable with a whole bunch of squashy armchairs
arranged artfully around the room, decorated in a blue and dark red theme.
The walls were covered with pictures of several groups, as well as a few
awards for their platinum record sales and stuff. A large marble coffee
table was in the center of the room, surrounded by chairs and I set up my
homework there, sitting on the floor.
	I had planned on at least two and a half hours of solid studying time,
because Joey had said that they would be working in the studio non-stop
until about noon. I had brought my Discman to help me study, and my Rage
Against the Machine CD collection, and had hoped that I would avoid another
confrontation with Justin. I also wasn't sure suddenly if I wanted to face
Josh.
	Unfortunately, I wasn't doing so well as I was studying. The music did
little to clear my head, and I kept getting distracted at all of the things
in the lounge. I found myself stopping to read the signed record labels, and
looking at several photos of the group with several business people, who I
assumed were managers or whatever. I also examined the awards, noting that
they were really recent. I knew the band was popular, but never having been
a fan before, I hadn't realized how seriously famous they were.
	After I had looked at everything worth looking at, I spent the rest of the
time struggling. I had no one to ask for help, and was starting to get
frustrated. I had only finished about half of my work by about eleven
fifteen when Justin entered the lounge by himself. Sighing inwardly, I
focused on the next problem, a strew of crumpled up papers everywhere, and
pulled a clean sheet out of my folder.
	Justin sat down in the chair across from me and stared at me. Why wasn't he
singing with the rest of the guys in rehearsal?
	I took off my headphones and was about to ask him when he spoke up.
	"The rest of the guys are working on individual harmonizing," he said
flatly, answering my unspoken question. "I told them I needed a break."
	I nodded to show I understood, then put my headphones back on and went back
to my calc.
	He shuffled around a bit, but I was ignoring him, trying to figure out why
my formula wasn't integrating right.
	"Can I ask you something?" he said suddenly. I looked up at him, annoyed at
the interruption. I took off my headphones, setting them down and turning
off my Discman.
	"Sure. What?"
	"Are you like mentally challenged or something?"
	I looked up at him, an expression of disbelief and shock on my face. What
the hell?
	"You don't seem to care who we are," he said, clarifying a little better
what he wanted.
	"What are you talking about? I thought..." I began.
	"How come you have never heard of N'Sync?" he interrupted, crossing his
arms over his chest.
	"I have heard of you, I have just never really listened to anything you
have done, or watched anything you've done, except that concert in Seattle."
I didn't add that I hadn't even really watched that, and had spent the time
rearranging the dingy waiting room.
	"Then you're weird. How can you not even know my name? I'm everywhere," he
said. I guess I had been right when I had thought he was self-absorbed.
	"I'm not weird. I'm just not into pop music. Now can you please let me
finish my calc?" I really didn't feel like getting into a fight with Justin
right now. I still thought that maybe we could be friends, since he was
Josh's best friend, and I didn't want to have to keep putting Josh between
us.
	"You are the first person I have ever met who hasn't immediately known who
I am," he said.
	"Justin. Please? I want to finish my homework. Can we discuss this later?"
I said as politely as I could. To my surprise and relief, he turned and left
the lounge.
	He left me alone for about five minutes before he reappeared, this time
clutching a stack of periodicals. He dumped them rudely on top of my notes.
	"See? Rolling Stone, calling us the best band of the Millennium. People,
listing us as the most intriguing band of the year. Seventeen, Life,
Entertainment Weekly, Variety..."
	"Justin, what are you doing?!? Can't you see I'm trying to work?!!" I
interrupted, glaring at him exasperatedly. He blinked at me.
	"This is proof," he said, however insensibly.
	"Proof of what? That you're insane?" I shoved the magazines off the coffee
table onto the floor. "Seriously, Justin. Dude. What is your problem?"
	"My problem is how come you have never heard of us before when we're one of
the most popular bands on the planet?!?" he said. I stared at him,
dumbfounded.
	"What are you talking about? I know who the hell you are! I just don't
listen to your music. Can you comprehend that? Popular doesn't mean
unanimous." He looked at me blankly, and I threw any chance of ever being
friends with him completely out the window. Why are self-centered people
always so dumb?
	"Why?" he asked.
	"Because I don't care! Now leave me the hell alone!"
	"But why don't you care?" I buried my face in my hands in frustration.
	"Look, Justin, you have to get over this. So I didn't know your name, big
frickin' deal. Don't go trying to prove to me that everyone should know. A
lot of people don't care." I said it as bluntly as I could. "Now why don't
you go take these back to your room and do something by yourself for
awhile." I said. He gave me one last clueless look before scooping up the
magazines and disappearing.
	"Finally," I said out loud. This was ridiculous. It was like talking to a
little kid, and Justin was two years older than I was. What was with his
sudden obsession that I didn't know or care about becoming a fan of his? Was
there some sort of repressed need or something? It seemed his hostility was
back, now that I had admitted to being with Josh. I should have expected it.
	About fifteen minutes later, I heard the rest of the band. They had
finished, and they all reappeared in the lounge, laughing and talking.
	"Hey dude, aren't you done yet?" said Joey, seeing as how I was still
slaving away at my calculations.
	"No, I'm not," I said coolly. I scrunched up another sheet of paper and
threw it into the wastebasket on the opposite wall. It missed. Well, hell, I
was a baseball player, not basketball.
	"We wanted to know if you want to go to this really tight restaurant for
lunch," said Josh. I looked at him for a long time, realizing that he wanted
to keep up a show for everyone else, and ignore the fact that we weren't
speaking to each other. I sighed, checking my watch, having no choice but to
play along.
	"When?" I asked.
	"Right now," said Chris, plopping down into a chair.
	"You don't have to if you don't want to," said Lance, ever the
peacemaker.	"No, I'll go. I gotta take a break to clear my head," I said,
getting up and sliding my notes back into my folder.
	Justin came back into the lounge, and I saw that he had changed into
something even worse than he had on earlier. Red leather pants (I think),
and a black beater, with a very flashy Hawaiian print shirt, open of course
so that everyone could check out his body. I was surprised he was able to
fit his big head in the door.
	"I think we should go to Lin Duc's," he said, completely ignoring the fact
that the rest of the group had decided on some place else.
	"We wanted to go to DeSante's," said Josh, and I admired him for at least
offering a dissenting opinion.
	"I don't. I feel like Vietnamese," said Justin, sitting down on a chair's
arm. He crossed his arms over his chest.
	"Everybody else wanted to take me to this other place," I began,
challenging him. Suddenly, the room got quiet.
	"I don't care," he said, mocking me. He looked over at me, sneering, and I
just wanted to knock that smirk off his face.
	"We out number you, 5 to 1," I countered, suddenly aware of the lack of
support I was getting from the rest of the group. Didn't anyone ever stand
up to Justin?
	"Who says you get to decide? I want Vietnamese, so let's go to Lin Duc's,"
he said, as if that settled the matter.
	"That sounds good," piped up Lance, and I looked at him, exasperated. He
made it sound like we had politely been discussing our next dinner venue. He
blushed and looked away. I looked at everyone else. No one was saying
anything. Joey was looking worriedly at me, possibly wondering if I was
going to hit Justin again. I wanted to, but I wouldn't, really.
	Chris was looking at his feet, and I wondered why he wasn't using some of
his seniority over Justin. After all, he was the oldest. Josh was pointedly
not looking at me, obviously taking Justin's side because he was still mad
at me for lying.
	"We already decided on DeSante's," I said, though this was the first I had
heard of the restaurant. "So why don't you go. We can meet up again later,"
I said, logically. This would work out great: Justin would get what he
wanted, and I wouldn't have to see him.
	"No. We're going to Lin Duc's." His stubbornness was infuriating.
	"Who's we?" I challenged. I was going to force everyone to take sides,
whether they wanted to or not. I wanted to know where the loyalties lied.
	"Everyone," he stated simply.
	"Ok, let's vote. Who wants to go with Justin?" I said, looking at the other
four guys. Justin turned to glare at them too. Lance tentatively raised his
hand, as I had known he would. He would have probably "voted" for me too had
I asked who wanted to go with me first.
	"And who wants to go to the other place?" I purposely did not say 'Who
wants to go with me', because then I would be just like Justin, taking
credit when going out to lunch hadn't been my idea at all. For some reason,
even though I'm pretty non-confrontational, I felt threatened by Justin.
	Well, wait a minute. It wasn't just some reason. The bastard had fucked my
girlfriend, and had forced us to break up. When I had come out to LA, he had
kept trying to make me feel out of place, like I didn't belong with the
group, and that I wasn't good enough to hang out with them. Last night he
had tried to frame me for stealing three hundred dollars for him, and now he
had gotten Josh on his side. He hated me, and the feeling was more than
mutual, as I realized his next target, after he had already taken Jen.
	Nobody raised their hand. Nobody wanted to challenge Justin. I was
disgusted.
	"Well fine, I'll stay here until you get back," I said, sitting back down
on the floor and re-opening my folder.
	"Good," said Justin, satisfied that he had "won" our little battle. "Let's
go," he said, and walked out of the lounge.
	Nobody followed him, but that didn't do anything to cheer me up. I couldn't
compete with the asshole, and he knew it. I was just barely getting to know
the other guys, and he had had a whole six years to manipulate them. I was
kind of hoping that at least Josh would stick up for himself, but he was
just as intimidated as the rest of them. I felt sick.
	"We can got to Desante's tomorrow," Lance spoke up. But it wasn't the
restaurant I was mad at.
	"Whatever," I said. I spread out my calc and opened my book. I could feel
everyone's eyes on me, but for once, I didn't immediately feel self
conscious about having everyone look at me. I was just too mad.
	"Are you sure you want to stay here?" said Chris.
	"Yes," I said quietly. I punched numbers into my calculator, then copied
them onto my scratch paper, knowing that the numbers would be wrong even
before I looked in the back of the book.
	To my surprise, Joey, Chris and Lance left. Well, good riddance. I decided
I could care less. The only reason I had come out here was to be with Josh,
not hang around with my least favorite band in the world.
	Josh stayed for a moment, before Justin popped his head back into the
lounge.
	"Josh, aren't you coming?"
	"Yes," he said after a minute, and our chance at reconciliation was lost.
Score another point for Justin. If this kept up, Josh would be so mad at me,
it wouldn't take long for Justin to help him see how much better off he'd be
without me.
	And the thing was, I wondered if it was right. Maybe I wasn't good for
Josh. I had gotten him to lie to all of his friends for me, and I had forced
him to pretend there was nothing between us. I had kept him at an arm's
length when it came to passion, and I had run away from him last night, to
afraid to deal with my own sexuality. He didn't need me.
	But I knew one thing. Even if I wasn't the best thing for Josh, Justin
certainly wasn't.
	Still, I was hurt that Josh had chosen to go with Justin over staying with
me. Sure, it was just out to lunch, but it hurt. It hurt so much, I couldn't
really concentrate on my work anymore, no matter how much I stared at my
integral.
	I sat there for about five minutes, not really doing anything or thinking
anything, when I heard someone knock on the open door. I looked up to see
Lisa, the hot...I mean attractive...I mean, um, completely sexually neutral
receptionist standing in the doorway to the lounge. (Ah, denial. My best
friend, practically)
	"Hi," she said softly. But it wasn't the same aggressive,
I-want-to-see-you-naked hi that Pam had given me in the club. It was a nice
hi. A friendly hi.
	"Hi," I answered, more eager than I meant to.
	"I saw six guys come in this morning, but only five left for lunch. Mr.
Timberlake informed me that you were going to be doing homework?" she said,
the last part phrased as a question, as if she couldn't believe that I would
rather be studying than going out to an exclusive restaurant.
	"I'm having a bit of a problem with Mr. Timberlake," I explained, referring
to Justin by adopting her professional manner.
	"Join the club," she said, grinning, leaning against the doorframe. Damn,
she was fine!
	"What do you mean?" I said, leaning forward on the coffee table, so that
she had my complete attention.
	"That boy gets on my last nerve. You should see him bossing me around like
I'm his damn maid," she said, and I grinned. I totally pictured Justin being
just as cruel to his employees as he was to me.
	"He's like, Lisa, get me some water, like I work for him or something. I'm
like boy, get it your damn self."
	I laughed.
	"He's tried to have me fired like ten times now, but I don't work for him.
He can't do nothing. I work for Jive."
	I laughed again.
	"So what's up, then? What did he do to you?" she said, looking genuinely
interested. I wondered how much I should tell her, considering she was a
perfect stranger.
	"He slept with my girlfriend, for a start," I said.
	"Ouch," she answered. "That's cold, even for a weasel like him."
	"Well, to tell the truth...we sort of had it coming."
	She raised an eyebrow. "I'm guessing there's more."
	"Just a lot of stuff I guess. I hate him, and he hates me," I said,
glossing over several important details.
	Lisa seemed to know that I wanted to avoid talking about Jen, so she
instead walked in and took a seat on the back of the one of the armchairs
right in front of me, giving me a great view of her...
	"I don't mean to be rude, but what are you doing hanging around with
N'sync, if you don't me asking. You don't seem like the typical Hollywood
type," she said, snapping me out of my distraction, a grin crossing her
face. A similar one spread across mine.
	"Let's just say that Josh and I are good friends, and he asked if I'd spend
spring break with him," I said, feeling guilty all ready. Look how upset
Josh had got when I lied to Justin. And I hadn't even learned my lesson.
Well, would you have admitted you were "involved" with JC in front of his
very hot receptionist? That's what I thought.
	"JC?" she said, frowning. "Hmm. I figured you were one of Joey's friends."
I shrugged my shoulders in reply. I knew what she meant: in truth, Josh and
I didn't really have that much in common for friends. He liked the
nightlife, pop culture stuff, and clubs and parties, but I liked more
active, athletic kind of stuff. We had similar opinions, I guess, but the
kind of stuff we liked was totally the opposite.
	"How does a guy like you meet an international pop star?" she said, still
smiling.
	"My girlfriend dragged me to a concert," I said simply.
	"Would this be the same girlfriend?" she said smugly.
	"The same ex-girlfriend, yes," I answered pointedly. She looked away for a
minute, sensing the awkwardness.
	"Well hey, are you sure you want to do homework on such a nice day?" she
said after a moment, pointing out the lounge window.
	"Not really," I answered, the first truthful thing I had said all day.
	"Such a nice day out," she said, stalling. I wondered if there was
something more she wanted to ask...but then shook myself for being so
presumptuous.
	"Too nice to be inside doing homework," I agreed.
	"Well, um, listen...I don't normally do this...but you want to go grab a
cup of coffee or something? Because I'm on my lunch break right now. If you
don't want to that's ok," she said quickly.
	I looked at her for a second, and I thought to myself, well who ditched
who? Josh hadn't even given me a chance to apologize before running off with
Justin to eat Vietnamese food. I deserved to have fun...even if it wasn't
with Josh. It was my vacation!
	"Sure."

...And the plot thickens......mua ha ha. I know you'll be wanting to email
me now...scottiescot@hotmail.com