Date: Tue, 14 May 2002 13:12:13 -0700 From: Scott Lockhart Subject: my girlfriend made me do it-chapter 12 Please don't make any irrational assumptions before you read this: I have never met N'Sync, and nothing in this story is intended to make you think any thing different about their personalities, orientations, etc. If you really want to know, meet them yourself. Also, this story isn't intended for audiences under 18 or with moral objections to relationships, gay, straight, or whatever. I know it has been QUITE a while, and let me just be the first to say, thank GOD last week is over. I thought I'd die, but finals are now behind me, and I hope to become MUCH more frequent with my next few chapters...until I have to take an architecture studio this summer. It's a five week course, so you won't be reading any My Girlfriend during that time, because this class is VERY tough. Normally, a project takes like 4 weeks, but now its like one week per project. I won't have anytime for anything: I have to quit my job, and it's the off season, and I won't have any other classes, so this studio will be my life! Sorry, I know those of you on summer break might be like what the hell? Since I have summer break too, but...sorry. And dude, someone has been stealing my story and posting it without my permission! I can't believe this! Someone emailed me to give me the heads-up, and I can't believe that someone would do this without even the decency to ask me. Also, I have been getting several new emails even though I know it has been almost five weeks since I wrote chapter 11, and unless someone is randomly reading stories that are like 100 down the chronological list, I think this explains some of my new "fans". But seriously, dude, whoever you are, that is plagiarism. If you are taking my work and putting it anywhere but on www.nifty.org, please stop. Anyway, that said...here is what I have been working on for the past month: I followed Lisa out of the studio, and we walked to her car in the employee parking lot. She drove a silver Acura, typical girl car. I was quickly realizing how important a car was in L.A., because everything seemed really spread out. Back home, I hardly ever used my car, except on weekends, because everything was right near campus. There was a boat rental place just about a half mile from the terminal, and the bay was right there. We were right downtown, where all the action was, and there was plenty of stuff to do. In L.A., everything's all spread out, and you have to drive everywhere, even a coffee shop, apparently. It kind of sucks. "So where are we going?" I asked, sliding into the passenger seat as she unlocked the doors. "Well, I know this place up on El Camino, it's pretty tight, I heard. Where do you want to go?" she answered, as she made several adjustments to her rear view mirror and slipping in a CD before starting the car. "I'm new in town, so I don't really know," I answered. "You are? Where are you from?" "Seattle." "No kidding? I have some friends up there, near Watertown," she said, as she turned the car on. Suddenly, I heard the opening guitar riffs to When Angels Deserve to Die. Tight! She was listening to System! I don't know what I was expecting, but considering where she worked, I assumed she was a pop fan. "I love this song!" I said enthusiastically, shielding my eyes from the sun as she pulled out of the parking lot. "Really? You into System?" she said, looking at me over her shades. "Totally. I have all the songs on System of a Down memorized. Do you have Toxicity?" "Actually, this is a mix my friend burned for me...I do have it though," she said, reaching under her seat and pulling out a CD book. Totally awesome! I hardly knew any chicks that liked the stuff I listened to. I eagerly flipped through the book: Oh yeah, we were one of a kind. This was practically my CD wallet: she had P.O.D., Slipknot, Thursday, Mudvayne. Damn, she had good taste. "You see anything you like?" she said, glancing over at me. I had turned my ball cap back around to reduce the sun, blocking my view of Lisa, so I sort of pulled it to the side of my head so that I could look through her music and ogle her at the same time. "This is almost exactly like my CD collection," I said, turning the pages. "Really? I thought you liked N'Sync," she said, teasing me with a smile. "Oh, god no," I answered, making a face. She laughed. She turned to me. "I'm just teasing you. Something tells me the last thing you would want to hear is 'Bye Bye Bye'." She drove down the street the studio was on and got into the turning lane behind a line of cars. "I don't even know what song that is, but it sounds awful," I answered, and she smiled. Her smile sent shivers up my spine, kind of like the ones I got when... ...josh... ...smiled...at me. Hmmm. I suddenly had an urge to call Josh, and I quickly pulled out my phone. I dialed his number about halfway before wondering if maybe I should wait until he has had time to forgive me, I mean calling him when he's still mad wouldn't earn me any brownie points. Or maybe I should wait for him to call me. Maybe he would leave me a voicemail? He can't stay mad at me too long, and I had given practically all morning to cool off. I checked. No voicemails. "So what school do you go to?" asked Lisa, accelerating suddenly and interrupting my thoughts. Good thing I was wearing my seat belt. "University of Washington," I answered automatically, replacing my phone in my pocket. "You?" "UCLA, baby," she answered, pointing to the rear view mirror. She had a hanging bear in a blue and gold jersey. Ouch. Not good, if she was a Bruin. They had kicked our ass last year in the PAC-10, sweeping us in the season opener this year. "Oh-ho, girl that is just wrong!" I said, eyeing the bear. "What are you talkin' bout?" She said, looking at the bear. "You're a Bruin? I'm a Husky!" I said, as if that meant anything. She looked at me blankly. Ok, so she didn't follow sports. Apparently, nobody in L.A. did. "You have the worst sports team in the league. You guys totally suck," I said. "Oh wait a minute...you're that team that we are totally kicking ass in basketball!" she said after a minute. "Well..." I had forgotten how well they were doing during March Madness. Speaking of which, the final four was supposed to be chosen next week. I was sort of in a pool with Tony and some other guys from the team, but I hadn't talked to them in a few days, or been able to watch the NCAA at all. I was too busy getting ready for my trip. "Oh wait, Joey told me you're a baseball player," she said suddenly. "He did?" When had Joey had time to talk to Lisa? He had been in rehearsal all day, right? "When?" "Today," she said. "What time?" "I don't know...about an hour ago, I guess. Why?" she said offhandedly. She cursed as someone cut her off. "God damn, I hate driving in this part of town," she muttered. She kept turning to look around, waving her beautiful hair back and forth...oh it was awesome... "I thought they were in rehearsal until noon," I said, confused, returning to my thoughts. "Oh, yeah right. They say that, but they never last past eleven." She answered. Well, that was about the time Justin had come in to bother me while I was trying to do my homework... He had explained that the rest of the group was continuing to rehearse and that only he had time off, but apparently Joey had found time to chat with Lisa about me...had they all been done, and decided to wait an hour before rounding me up? Why? "Well, do you play or not?" Lisa asked, and I realized I had been sitting in silence for about a minute, forgetting her question. Lost in my own thoughts. "Oh, yeah, I play," I answered quickly. "That's cool," she answered. "So what else do you like to do?" "Me? I don't know...stuff I guess," I laughed. What did I like to do? "What do you like to do?" "Me? I talk to people, go to concerts, you know. Stuff," she said, and we laughed. We pulled into a little place and got out, walking briskly over to a café that was hidden behind some tropical palms. We were seated outside, overlooking the street, and we just started talking. And talking. The only problem was, the more I talked to Lisa, the more attractive she became...and outside of just looks. She was a really funny person. She had a joke with every comment, and she didn't force me to pour myself out to her, like a lot of girls do. She kept herself at a bit of a distance as well, which I admired. I mean, we had just met, we weren't going to pour ourselves out to each other, right? We talked about baseball: the last two seasons have been trailers for the Mariners, but I still defended them with a vengeance. Lisa said she loved the Yankees, and rattled off the team roster, surprising me again. (well, the dodgers suck ass, so I'm not surprised she wasn't a home fan, but I was surprised she was even into baseball). We talked about who got traded from that team since last year, and she told me about this dude, Mariano Rivera, who's an excellent closer because he pitches left hand. I told her a little about Ichiro Suzuki, who's a right fielder for the Mariners with a hell of a batting average. The guy is a godsend, I swear. He was like the second rookie ever to lead the league in batting, and he's had more stolen bases than anyone this year. He's set records in every category: hits, singles, infield assists, most at-bats, and get this. This is only his second year in the majors. The dude is a machine. We talked about the World Series last year, and how I was shocked that Arizona had beaten the Yankees 4-3. We had lost Alex Rodriguez, but we had played a good season. And the Yankees are always good, especially with Derek Jeter on their side. Lisa told me all about how it was so bad, and that NY had deserved to win because of September 11th, but I wasn't a fan of either of the teams that were in the World Series, so I couldn't really say. Then we talked about what we wanted to be. I asked her why she was working as a desk clerk for a record company, because she told me she was from Pennsylvania. "I want to be out there, Austin. I want to be somebody, somebody special, and I want to experience the world," she told me. "I'm so tired of being nobody. My whole life, I've lived in a shitty apartment block in Philly, and I just had to get out so bad, I ran to Hollywood as soon as I graduated from high school and saved enough money for a plane ticket," she said. "So you want to be an actor?" I asked. "I don't know...I thought I wanted to be a singer, you know a popstar, like Brandy or something like that...that's why I started working for Jive. I thought if I made my connections while I was going to college, it would all be there for me when I'm ready," she said, looking wistfully into her coffee cup. She twirled her spoon thoughtfully. "But..." I prompted, knowing there was more. "But..." she answered with a grin. "I don't know anymore. Now that I know what these people have to go through, 7 days a week, like ten hour-days, not to mention all the dancing rehearsals and stuff they have to do...I don't know if that's what I want to do. I just know that I don't want to be stuck on welfare with three kids by the time I'm twenty, like my mom." "But look at what you've done so far," I pointed out. She tsked. "Yeah, right. I've been here almost two years and I haven't done shit." "Leaving home and deciding to just pick up and start over in a completely different place is something, Lisa. That takes a lot of guts. You didn't even know what you were getting into when you came over here. That is something." "Maybe...I just feel like if I was meant to be doing something important, I'd have already done it by now...not answering phones and getting coffee." "You've done more than I've ever done. I've never lived anywhere outside of Seattle. I go to school that's barely fifteen miles from my house." I pointed out. "Well, what did you want to be, then?" she said, changing the subject. She stared me down, and I gave in, sighing. "I don't know what I want to do..." I answered. "Nothing wrong with not knowing what you want to do. That's what college is all about: finding out," she answered. "How bout if I ask it this way, what do you like to do? What are your strengths?" "I don't have any," I answered glumly. "Oh, bullshit. You have plenty of strengths. Don't even try the pity train with me, boy, I got so much drama even a jock like you'll be crying your eyes out," she answered wryly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Well, I don't have anything that I excel at," I answered. "What about baseball?" she asked. "That's something." "What about it?" I answered bitterly. "If I were any good at all I'd be a starter by now." "Even so, they don't have you on the team for nothing," she answered. I didn't say anything. "Right...?" she prompted. "Maybe," I answered sullenly. I really didn't want to talk about the team right now...after our last game(which I had to sit out on), I was so tired of being the team lucky charm that I just wanted to forget about it. I suspected that one of the only reasons that I was kept on the team was for team morale. "Maybe my ass. What other reason could there be to keep you on roster if you totally sucked?" "Morale. The team thinks I'm some sort of good luck charm, because of something that happened last year." I answered, giving in. I had to tell her, I didn't want her to just think that I was looking for sympathy. "What happened?" she asked immediately. "One of my friends, Tony, plays first base, and I noticed that he kept shaking his hand after every play. I made him go see a doctor, and he'd fucked it up pretty bad, and they told him not to play anymore. It saved his career though, and this year we've had a kick ass season with him, that might have been ruined if I hadn't noticed anything. Now everyone thinks I'm the fucking team doctor, and whenever I'm in a bad mood, they can feel it. As long as I stay happy, we win." I said. "That is such a load of crap," she answered. I gaped back at her. "You stupid superstitious ball players, there's no such thing as luck! Besides, that doesn't tell me how you got on the team, does it? Don't they have to scout you and stuff?" I nodded. "Yeah, I have an athletic scholarship, but still. I feel like I'm not even needed, especially this past week." "See? You had to be good to be able to play in the first place, right?" "I guess..." I answered. I had been scouted pretty bad when I was a senior, because I had broken a few school records for hitting. But that was high school, who cared about that now? Besides, our school had been totally pro-football, and after football season, everyone forgot about us baseball players. I had pretty much rated my own sport with as much popularity as we had been given in high school. As for my own "talent"...I didn't have any. I had gotten my name in the paper a few times...but that didn't mean anything. This was different: I was no where near being the best hitter for the Huskies, and I had done nothing remarkable in the past two seasons, except that double play earlier this year that had tied it up and allowed us to win in extra innings. Even that was totally overshadowed by our loss the next day. I felt like such an accessory to the team. I tried explaining this to Lisa, and she was slightly sympathetic, but was more adamant about trying to keep my confidence in myself. Well, little did she know she was talking to a total inferiority complex. She knew what she was doing: she had her own goals, and she was already halfway to achieving them, and what did I have? I had no idea where I would be in five years, and I had no goals. I lived day by day, I had no Plan for my life. I felt like such an underachiever. "Guess nothing. I know a dude that plays college ball, and you have to be seriously tough shit to make it even that far, let alone the big leagues. Don't sell yourself short, Austin." Her eyes gazed into mine, and I couldn't help but note how beautifully velvety brown they looked, all golden and shining... "Look who's talking, Ms. All-I've-done-in-two-years-is-make-coffee," I shot back. My hand landed right next to hers on the table. We both glanced at it, and I quickly withdrew it. "Touche," she said, smiling that killer smile again. "Well, what about singing," I said, turning the tables on her. She couldn't play 'who sucks the worst' with me without some extra info. "You any good?" "Define 'good'," she replied, taking a sip of her espresso. "I don't know...let's hear you," I answered, smiling devilishly at her. I winked at her, and she blushed, ripping her eyes from mine and staring back into her cup as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. "I ain't singing for you, boy!" she laughed. Her eyes flipped back up to mine. "Why not?" I said innocently, drinking in her gaze, those dark eyes flashing into mine. We had total eye contact, I couldn't take my eyes off her! "Because," she said simply, finally setting down her coffee cup and folding her hands on top of the table top. "Because why!!!" I whined, like a little kid. She gave me a LOOK. "Because, I don't know...I look dumb singing with no music," she said, sighing. Hardly. She would have looked hot scraping an oven clean. She was wearing a white tank top that showed the stark contrast to her golden honey-brown skin, and a pair of white tennis shorts that hugged her hips just right. She was wearing those shoes with the backs cut off, what the hell are they? They look like tennis shoes, but they are like sandals because you slip 'em on, not tie 'em. Anyway, they were white too, which was easily her best color. "I don't think it's possible for you to look dumb," I said without thinking, leaning in closer to her as my eyes drank in her beautiful body. Shit! What did I just say!? "I don't think its possible for you to be any sweeter," she answered softly, and her head drew a little closer to me. Our heads continued to lean into each other, our eyes closing, our lips getting closer, closer... "Excuse me, do you need this chair?" We both backed away immediately, the moment of passion abruptly halted, and looked up at an elderly woman, who was holding up the third chair at our table that we weren't using. "No, no, go ahead," answered Lisa breathlessly. I was too stunned to speak. What the hell had just happened? Holy fuck, I had almost kissed her! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! I needed to get the hell out of here! "Oh my god, I'm so sorry Lisa," I said abruptly, standing up suddenly. Here we go again, good old runaway Austin. The problem was, there was no handy wood to run into this time. "No no, its my fault. I was totally out of line," she stammered, standing as well. We couldn't look each other in the eye. She distractedly smoothed out her hair, and glanced nervously around the café, while I shoved the last part of my lunch in my mouth and quickly picked up the check. I hastily checked my watch for the time, and saw that it was nearly two o'clock. We had been gone for almost two hours. "Dude, it's almost two o'clock already," I said lamely, trying to break the awkward moment. "It is!?" Lisa said suddenly, quickly grabbing her purse and rummaging through it for her phone. "Holy shit!" she said. "I have to get back, my break was over almost forty-five minutes ago!" she said, panicking, holding out her phone as if it were a poisonous snake. "Uh oh," I said, sounding like a complete idiot. Lisa grabbed her stuff and shoved it into her purse, while I quickly paid the bill and left a five for the waitress, and we hightailed it out of there, leaving several startled people staring after us. Back in the parking lot, she fumbled for her remote for her car door locks, and I glanced at my watch again. The sudden need to get back to the studio erased all of the thoughts that I had after we had nearly kissed. We had nearly kissed. Me. And Lisa. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not now, holy crap. Josh, holy shit, what was I thinking? I felt like my heart was on a roller coaster, I kissed another girl? That wasn't me. What would Josh say? You know exactly what he'll say, a nasty voice said in my head. He'll tell you that he has never been more ashamed, and hurt, and that you had better get the fuck out of here, you lying cheating piece of shit. How could I do this to Josh? He was so special, and so kind. He was all ready to be serious with me...and that had been the reason why we were fighting right now. I had told him that I didn't want to be serious, and he had assumed that that meant I didn't want to be with him at all. But I did, my god, I did want to be with him. I don't even know why I told him that, when it wasn't the truth... I wanted to be with him, damn it...and now did I want to be with Lisa? God damn it, why do relationships have to be so fucking hard? I wanted to be with Josh, right now. I wanted to talk to him, to see his face, to make sure that he was still there. I felt such a strong pull to him right now, my heart was twisting itself into pieces, especially as I watched Lisa frantically tearing apart her purse for her keys. Avoiding my gaze. Hell, I was avoiding her gaze too. I didn't want to know what would happen if I looked deep into her eyes again, because I didn't want to lose what I had with Josh, especially not now, when we were just starting a relationship! My heart started pounding really fast as I realized what I had just done. I had never felt so guilty in my life, and I knew that there was one thing that I had to do: I had to talk to Josh. I wanted to tell him right now how much he meant to me, and how I appreciated everything he had done for me, and how I was suddenly proud to be with him right now. Lisa scared the hell out of me, how could I so quickly turn to someone else after our stupid little fight? I was tired of this little pissy silent treatment he was giving me. I had to talk to him, and reassure myself that he was the right one. I don't know what came over me, but even attempting to kiss Lisa was just as bad as if I actually had, and I quickly speed-dialed josh. My god, look what I've done, I said to myself, as I sat down in Lisa's car after she finally unlocked the doors. She didn't move however, and I got Josh's voicemail, causing me to lose my boost of confidence. I clicked off the phone, my spirits sinking. Did he already realize that I was scum, and wasn't going to pick up his phone? "Listen," I said, at the same time she said "Austin." We laughed lightly, then fell back into embarrassed silence. I let her go first. "Austin, I am so totally sorry. I um...see...I have a boyfriend, and..." she said, blushing and stammering all over the place. "You...you do?" I interrupted her, snapping my head back around. "Yes, and I can't believe I almost did that. I am so sorry," she said, and I saw tears coming from her eyes, as she leaned into the steering wheel, her arms wrapped around it. I said nothing. I was stunned. Well, the good thing was that we could at least squash anything we felt between us, if we were both already involved with other people. Yeah, sure. In theory, that would have worked fine, but that didn't stop the feelings I had for her. Even stubborn-ass me, Rocky Reiter, had to admit that I was seriously attracted to Lisa. I was also scared to death, and guilty as hell. "I'm...um...kind of with someone, too..." I said into the silence. "So you know how I feel, huh?" she sniffed, the tears fading. Oh yeah, I knew. I knew how much of a complete fuck up I was, to go kissing someone else when I had a perfectly good Josh back at the studio. "Well, let's just pretend that this never happened, ok?" she said lightly, starting up the car. Our eyes met, and I nodded quickly. We both looked awkwardly away. The drive back was silent. When we had started this trip, we couldn't stop talking to each other, and now we had nothing to say to each other. I felt like such an idiot. I couldn't think of a single thing to say, which wasn't so surprising, since I hardly ever knew what to say. Apparently, neither could Lisa, so I just ran through my head one thing...Josh...and how much I needed to talk to him right now, and how much I needed to tell him. I decided fuck this stupid fight we were having, I needed to tell him so much, and yes, before you can say it was because I got all scared because of Lisa, fine whatever it was, I still wanted to talk to josh so bad. Lisa parked her car after flashing the security guard her badge, and I positively fled to the entrance. Lisa came in two seconds after me, but she had a different reason for being in a hurry, she was nearly an hour late from her lunch break. And if she was late, that meant I was late, and sure enough, I found Lance waiting for me at the front desk, and as I approached, he glanced up at the huge art-deco clock that hung over Lisa's desk. "Where the hell have you been?" said a short, dark haired woman behind Lance, who's hair was pulled back into a tight bun. She looked positively steaming with anger, and she was standing behind the blue desk, her arms crossed over her dark grey business suit. "I'm so sorry, Ms. Cheney, I lost track of time..." stammered Lisa from behind me. Obviously, this was her boss. "It is now one fifty, what the hell have you been doing for the past hour?! I had to cancel a meeting because you weren't here on time!" She said. This was one lady you didn't want to cross. I instantly felt guilty for Lisa. "It was my fault, ma'am," I interrupted, glancing down at the floor. "And who the hell are you?" she said, turning to me. "Umm, he's...my...boyfriend...," said Lisa, turning red. I couldn't think of any other excuse for me being there. Ms. Cheney smugly pursed her lips. "Well, please inform him that at this establishment we have rules, and we don't like them broken, regardless of the reason. I'm afraid I will have to put this tardiness on your evaluation, Ms. Packard." Then she turned and left. "Austin, thanks, I owe you one," Lisa breathed a sigh of relief, as she dropped her bag onto her desk. Immediately, a phone rang, and she picked it up, saying very professionally, "Jive Records, may I help you?" Lance was smirking, and I realized he had probably bought Lisa's lie, since he didn't know anything to lead him otherwise. Joey had hinted that Lisa liked me earlier, and Lance had been right there. I sighed, and instead asked where Josh was. Lance's grin faded. "He...um...he's rehearsing the dance routine," he said cautiously, not meeting my eye. "Well when can I see him?" I said. "We're done at five," he said, suddenly finding the floor more interesting. Was he not telling me something? "Why can't I see him now?" I asked, suspicious. I remembered that Lisa had said that the group set schedules, but rarely kept them, and I was finding it hard to believe that I was so restricted from seeing them rehearse. At first, I had been glad, since I don't like their music, and had needed to do my homework anyway, but now I was annoyed that the group kept trying to leave me out. "Well?" I pressed, my eyes boring into Lance, who kept looking at the floor, avoiding my gaze. Lisa was busy answering the phone, and was explaining to someone something about how sales were recorded. "We can't be distracted while we're in rehearsal," he said lamely. "Aren't you being distracted right now?" I said. "Look, Austin, no one is allowed into the rehearsal room except for our manager and sound technicians," said Lance uncomfortably. "I just came out here to find out where you went while we went out to lunch, and I found you with Lisa, ok?" I cringed at the mention of Lisa, and sighed. "Can you tell him I need to talk to him?" I said coolly. "Um...see...there's a slight problem with that, Austin," said Lance, quickly losing what little confidence he had. I realized that I stood over Lance a good four or five inches, and he seemed afraid of me. "What do you mean a problem," I said threateningly, moving a step closer to him. He retreated, still not looking me in the eye. "Excuse me," someone interrupted us. It was a security guard. He was glaring at me like some sort of cockroach, and I realized that I had been practically threatening Lance into giving me more information. "It's ok, Dan," said Lance, calling off the guard. "He's harmless," he muttered, still staring at his shoes. The guard backed off, still staring at me warningly. I nearly lost my cool. What was with this place? I couldn't see Josh, I couldn't talk to Lance, god damn. "Just wait in the lounge, ok Austin? I'll tell him you want to talk to him," said Lance. I snorted, and looked to the ceiling for help. "Fine," I answered quietly. I could play this little game. I would just wait another few hours, then I could actually put together how I was going to tell Josh about what had happened between Lisa and me. Lance led me to the lounge and closed the doors behind me, and I had the nasty feeling that a guard had also been dispatched there, to keep an eye on me. These music people sure were fanatic about security. I instead whipped out my phone, and went ahead and dialed Josh. I would leave him a message if he still refused to speak to me. I was tired of this game we were playing. His voicemail picked up. I sighed, then said "Josh? It's Austin. I know you're mad at me right now, and I want to say I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking, I do want to be with you. I was just kind of intimidated by your friends a little, and I wanted them to like me, and I sort of thought that if they knew we were together, they would act like Justin, and get all nasty. I'm so sorry Josh. I shouldn't put what other people think before us, but I guess I wasn't smart enough to realize it. We really need to talk, so would you please call me? I miss you." I didn't really know how to end the call, so I just left it at that. Fifteen minutes later, he still hadn't answered my message. I was starting to really freak out. Had lance or Joey told them all about me and Lisa, and, not knowing that Josh and I were together, tried to further separate Josh from me? If they had the same attitude as Justin, that Josh was setting himself up for a fall by having a crush on me, they probably were the ones trying to keep us apart, to prevent Josh from getting hurt. And as long as Josh and I refused to admit the truth about us, the longer they would try and keep Josh from me. This also seemed strangely familiar... This was ridiculous. My plan to keep our relationship secret had blown up in my face, because all his friends thought I was straight. They were doing their best to make him see that I was no good for him. Our fight couldn't have come at a worse time, as I could see Josh start to believe everything the others were probably telling him, and my long lunch with Lisa would have seemed like I was already "moving on", when that hadn't been my plan at all. I fervently wished the security at this stupid place wasn't so awful, so I called and left another message, this one more sincere. "Josh, listen to me. You are starting to worry me, ok? I...I...I'm not sure what you want to hear, but all I can say is that I am so sorry, and that ...well...I also want to tell your friends about us, because all the lying is getting out of hand...its breaking us apart, Josh, and I can't let that happen...I need you too much. I know this isn't like me...but you not talking to me is really upsetting, ok? Please, Josh? Please call me so that I can make everything better, I swear that I never wanted to hurt you, and I realize that that's what I did, and I'm sorry. I let it get too far Josh. Please know that you are so special, and knowing that I hurt you is just killing me, especially if you won't talk to me. Please, Josh? I feel like every second that you won't talk to me is another second wasted, and I can't think straight knowing that you're hurt. So call me Josh! I miss you something fierce, buddy. You...you don't know how much you mean to me...could you please just call me? Please?" I hung up after I sat there thinking for a few seconds, not knowing quite what else to say, but starting to feel a little panicky. I left four other messages by the time it was three o'clock, each one more desperate than the last. Why wasn't Josh answering my phone messages? This was also eerily familiar...it was just like after Jen and I had a fight, and I would fill her answering machine with messages just like these... And it hit me. This was so fucking familiar. And what had happened? I had lost Jen. And how had I lost Jen? We had had a stupid ass fight, just like the one Josh and I were having, and I had been lured away by someone new, and had forgotten all about her. Last time, Josh had been the new person, and I had let Jen slip through my fingers. And who had stepped in? Justin. Justin had taken advantage of our fight and stepped in with Jen. Would he do the same for Josh? I knew he wanted him, I had seen it last night. A surge of anger coursed through me as I realized that I was having a mini-repeat of that long cold night that I had been away from Jen, whom I had loved more than anything. And I hadn't been willing to fight for her. I had been too busy with Josh, my new relationship. Too busy thinking about someone new than saving what I already had. Well it wasn't going to happen again, god damn it, especially not in the same fucking way it had already happened. If Justin even made one move towards Josh, I swear to god I'd rip his fucking arms off. "I think we need to talk, Josh. I know I am not the one who usually does this, but our little fight today reminded me of the fight that Jen and I had, right before she decided to spend the evening with Justin. And I noticed that you also have been spending a lot of time with Justin..." My eyes stung with tears and my voice broke as a wave of emotion strangled my message. I sobbed a little into the phone. "So before I lose another close friend, I want to tell you that I don't know what I was thinking...and that I'm sorry...and I do want to be with you, I do...I just felt that I needed to prove my masculinity or some dumb fucked up shit like that, because I was trying to get your friends to like me...but it got too far, Josh. Way too far...Josh, are you there? Please call me...please? I need to hear your voice again. I can't take all this silence from you..., god it hurts like you shoved a knife through my heart or something Josh, please answer this. Josh! Josh! You're everything to me Josh, and I can't stand it that you aren't speaking to me, please Josh, answer me! I'm lost without you, please call me! This never should have happened! I'll tell the whole world about us Josh, I want to, I want everyone to know how I feel about you Josh, please! Please," I said, the phone dropping to the floor, as I collapsed into an armchair, my fists clenched, as I realized that Josh didn't want to talk to me. He wanted to talk to Justin. The thought made me move, fuck protocol, I was going to burst into that goddamn recording studio and grab Josh and tell everyone about us. I didn't care what anyone thought, him not speaking to me was the worst punishment in the world. I was NOT going to let Justin do this to me again, that little fucking cocksucker! I should have done this a long time ago. I abruptly stormed out of the lounge, my eyes still wet from all the tears that I had just shed in my last dozen phone messages to Josh, and I followed the hall to where I had seen the guys disappear to. I opened every single door, I didn't care who I interrupted. I wanted to see my Josh. That's right, MY Josh. Not Justin's. Since it was Sunday, there was hardly anybody in any of the rooms, but I just kept yanking open doors that were unlocked, finding countless boardrooms and conference rooms, and several practice studios. I found a recording booth like I had seen in a movie, with a glass box with microphones for the singers to do their recordings and a sound room on the other side, but it was empty. I assumed there were more, so I kept going down the corridor, ripping open five other identical recording booths. All empty. I reached the end of the hall, and realized that that was it: they had gone home. Panic surged through me. They had left without me? Josh was so mad, even after the twenty phone messages I had left, he was still refusing to speak to me? I also felt hurt that Josh would so quickly abandon me. In fact, I felt so hurt I could barely breathe. It was like someone kept stabbing me with a dozen small knives, and each empty room I entered, another knife stabbed into my heart. The thought of Josh, alone somewhere, without me there to explain everything ran wildly through my brain as i ran back down the hall and burst back into the lounge, where I found Lance, Joey and Chris, who looked relieved to find me there. "There you are," said Chris, looking up brightly. I ignored him. "Where's Josh?" I said impatiently. They all looked blankly at me. "He went home, didn't he tell you?" said Joey, seeing my wet eyes and distraught expression. "Is something wrong?" "Take me home then, I have to talk to him, it's urgent," I said frantically, pulling out my phone and dialing his number again. I didn't see them glance at each other over my head, as I quickly cursed when Josh refused to answer, again. "Josh, come on, damn you I said I was sorry, ok! Talk to me Josh, please, I have never felt so hurt in my whole fucking life, please call me, god damn!" I said, not caring that I was making a complete fool of myself to the three thoroughly confused singers. "Don't do this to me, Josh, please don't shut me out, I don't know how many times I can apologize, please, ok? You're killing me, just tell me what's wrong, I have to know! I have to hear you! Please!" I hung up the phone, swearing. Then I grabbed my homework, shoved it all in my bag, ignoring the pile of magazines that Justin had dumped on the table, and quickly left the lounge, intending on heading straight for the parking lot. Of course, that meant I had to face Lisa. "Austin," she said, stopping me as I tried to run past her out the glass doors into the hot air outside. "What?" I said, turning around, looking placidly at her. I kept away form her, and avoided her gaze. I wasn't going to let her come between me and Josh, I couldn't. She was too good to be dragged into this, and she had enough problems without this added guilt. She didn't even know I was dating Josh. Hell, she didn't even know I was gay. "Don't think that this is your fault, ok? I just can't play around like this, and I feel something for you, I do, but its not going to happen, so can we still be friends?" she said quickly. Friends? Fine whatever, anything to get her way from me. I was so afraid of her, and being seen with her, that I just nodded dumbly, and turned around, and froze. Lance was now whispering something to Joey and Chris, and I knew why Josh wasn't speaking to me. Lance had probably told them all in the studio that we had spent two hours together, not realizing that Josh and I were together. He probably made it sound like we were a couple, and that had probably torn Josh up, god damn! Why hadn't we just been honest with everyone? I couldn't even keep track of who knew what, and I think it wasn't just Josh trying to avoid me: his friends were keeping him from me. They didn't want him getting hurt, not realizing they were hurting him even more! Where was Josh! I was getting really desperate, realizing that every second that I couldn't see Josh was another second that that little shit Justin was trying to get him into bed, just like Jen. I decided to bolt, and headed straight for the exit, leaving behind a baffled Lisa, and an even more thoroughly confused Lance, Chris and Joey behind. It was a race against time. I scanned the lot, and spotted Lance's car. I ran over to it, noting that Josh's car was still here...panic shot through me like a thunder bolt; ...Justin had given a dejected Josh a ride...he had probably offered a dejected Jen a ride home too, just a few short weeks ago...how fast until Justin worked his evil magic... "Dude, what is the matter with..." said Joey, when they finally followed me out to the parking lot. "Just shut up and lets get home, I need to see josh," I interrupted impatiently. "Are you ok?" said Chris, not moving. "Yes, I'm fucking great, now get in the goddamn car and lets go!" I roared, and Lance hurriedly unlocked the doors. I threw my bag into the back and buckled my seat belt. The whole forty minute ride to the complex, I impatiently tapped my feet, drummed my fingers, and left messages for Josh. Each one I'm sure made the other guys more curious than ever, but I didn't fucking care. Where was Josh? God I needed him, I felt like I was running from death. The last message I left had me in tears, and now no one in that damn car wanted to speak to me. They didn't speak at all, or look at me, they just stared straight ahead, in silence. As soon as Lance parked the car in the garage, I tore out and ran all the way through the garden, leaving my bag behind, to Josh's condo. I flung myself against the door, forgetting that it was locked, and instead, hammered loudly on the door. I shouted Josh's name frantically for a few minutes, knowing it was a lost cause. Josh wasn't here. Josh had left me. "Austin?" said a voice behind me. It was Lance. I turned, tears streaming down my face. Joey and Chris were gone. "Where is he, Lance? I know you know!" I said desperately. "I..." "Lance, don't fucking toy with me! Where the fuck is Josh!" I said, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him. "He's...at...Justin's," Lance said finally, giving up. I shoved him away and ran for Justin's apartment, which I knew was the one at the back. Justin...he's at Justin's...in Justin's room...he's with Justin now...he's kissing him outside of the tour bus...I yanked open the door and walked in without even knocking. I heard Lance running after me. I must have looked a mess, my hair all messed up, my face red and strained from crying, my clothes sweaty from running. I found them, all four of them, in the back room. They looked up at me as I reached the room, Joey taking a protective step towards Josh, Justin taking a cowardly step back. And there he was. Josh, sitting calmly on the coffee table, looking sad and surprised and confused at the same time. That same wild hair, those sparkling blue eyes. That same face that looked so curious, always wanting to help a friend in need. His eyes bulged out as he recognized me, stanindg there, sweaty and panting and crying, and he stood up slowly, his eyes boring into mine. I opened my mouth, and started begging. "Josh, oh my god, there you are I finally found you, I can't tell you how much it hurts that you won't talk to me, and I can't take it, josh. I can't take not being with you, hearing your voice, holding your hand, being right there with you and I can't take it. I can't! I need you with me Josh, I need you to be by my side, because I can't stay apart from you and I'm sorry I'm such an asshole and I was too afraid to admit that we had something but now I see that I was so fucking stupid that I almost let you go! Well, that is never going to fucking happen, ok josh? Never again, because I need you, I need you, and I love you josh, you have been there for me when no one else was and here I am treating you like this, I am so sorry I never should have done that I can't tell you how sorry I am, and how much you mean to me! You're everything to me!" I stopped to catch my breathe, and panted a little before continuing. "You're the reason I get up in the morning, you're the birds singing and the warm feeling you get when you walk in to the sunshine Josh, you're that last star that stays in the night sky, you're the whole world, josh, so please, I need you right here with me and I don't care if the whole world knows it josh, god damn I love you!" I said, all out of breath. I could see tears in his eyes. Maybe I was getting through to him. "Will you accept my apology?" I said, holding out my arms to him, not giving a damn that the rest of N'Sync was standing there with their mouths open. He ran to me, knocking the wind out of me, as his arms crushed my back, his face buried in my chest, and I heard those glorious words: "Yes, Austin, I love you too." My heart leapt for the sky, boy, god that felt good. I felt like the happiest man in the world, now that I had my boyfriend back. "Then come on, baby, we got a lot of making up to do," I said, so that only he would hear, and I slammed my tongue into his throat before he could answer. I glared at the rest of the band, noting the completely shocked look on Chris's face, the angry look on Joey's face, the wistful look on Justin's...and...I couldn't read Lance at all. He just looked lost, like he didn't know what to do or say. I didn't waste a minute, and I led my Josh back out of Justin's condo, my arm wrapped possessively around his shoulders. When we got back out to the setting sun and the late afternoon breeze, I picked him up, scooping him into my arms, and carried him the rest of the way. We didn't stop our liplock until we got back to his apartment, and had nearly swallowed each other's tongues by the time I reached it, and realized that it was still unlocked. I let Josh down, and he quickly unlocked his door, as I licked and bit at his ear lobe, and traced my tongue across the back of his neck. We ran up the stairs, him leading the way, and we headed straight for his bedroom. I grabbed the back of his head, slamming his lips into mine, as I forcefully pushed my tongue into his mouth, tasting his sweet insides, making my mark everywhere. I was not going to let anyone try and take my Josh away from me, ever. He sighed contentedly, liking my forcefulness, which was a change from our previous make out sessions, where his tongue had clearly been the aggressor. I raised his arms and pulled his T-shirt off his head, tossing it casually to the side, and I moved him over to the bed, still keeping my tongue in his mouth. I wanted him so bad, my dick was aching to be released, but I ignored it. This wasn't my time, this was all for Josh. I had to prove to him how special he was, and how much I wanted him with me. I leaned him into the bed, and snaked my tongue across his cheek, tracing his jawline with my tongue, as my hands moved quickly to his waistband. Unfortunately he was wearing leather pants. I yanked at it a couple of times, but I have never been with anyone who wore leather pants on a regular basis, and they weren't like regular pants. I couldn't take them off, they had no zipper or fly on the front. I stopped kissing Josh's neck to impatiently yank at them. "Austin, you have to unzip them from over here," said Josh, amused at my impatience. He took his hands on my neck, and guided my head to the side of his hips, and I quickly dived forward and seized the zipper with my teeth, and Josh giggled. "Easy boy," he said, wrapping his fingers through my hair. I grunted in reply. As easily as it looks, I couldn't undo the zipper with my teeth. It was too small...kept slipping out of my mouth. Finally, I just undid it with my hands, and tried yanking down his pants... "Uh oh," I said, as I realized that they wouldn't move. I tried pulling them down again. "What the hell? They're stuck!" "You have to ease out of them..." said Josh, standing up and slowly sliding the leather down his legs. Boing. Out popped his bone, sticking straight up. He was wearing a pair of silk boxers. I nearly lost it, as I immediately panicked. I mean, dude, this was the first time I had ever seen another guys dick up close. I lost my concentration, staring at it. I didn't know what to do. "Its not going to bite you, Austin," said Josh, still laughing. He sat back down on the bed. "Here, take off your shirt. I want to see that hot body of yours," he said, running one hand down the middle of my chest. I'm not exactly a very seductive guy. I whipped off my shirt in about two seconds. Then I squatted back down on my ankles. Josh sighed contentedly, and raked his hand across my bare chest. I don't know what was so special about my chest, I mean, sure, I had a pretty good set of pecs, but he seemed to love it. He immediately leaned forward and started kissing my chest lightly, his tongue flicking out almost imperceptibly. I felt weak in the knees when he did that, and nearly fell backwards, since I was squatting on my ankles. He then leaned back down on top of me, and I leaned back until I really did fall, and had to throw a hand behind me to catch myself. Josh took advantage of this as he put all his weight on me, and forced me to lay on my back on the ground, still licking his way across my chest, both hands totally fucking with my hair. His mouth then met mine, and we had a miniature tongue battle, both of us trying to smother each other as we fought each other. I kept my hands on his waist, but he used his advantage on top of me to wander down to my crotch. I stopped kissing him, and held his head away from mine. He was now sitting on top of me, as I lay on the ground. "Josh, don't touch it! This is supposed to be about you! I wanted to prove to you how much you mean to me!" I said exasperatedly. "You are just about the sweetest boy on earth," he answered, squeezing my dick anyway. "But this is what I want," he said devilishly. I put my hand on top of his. "No it isn't, because you are making me feel good," I said. Obviously he could tell how good I felt. He squeezed it again. "I want to make you feel good, Austin," he said innocently, throwing me that puppy dog look that he knew I always gave in to. "Not tonight," I said, and abruptly got up from underneath him, at the same time tossing him back onto the bed. He smiled at me, his gorgeous teeth reflecting his excitement. I smiled back at him, and looked down at him, as I held myself over him by my arms. And I stayed like that for a minute, as I continued to gawk at him. I knew I should have planned this stupid thing out: I had no idea what to do! Josh's body was kind of really different from what I'm used to, if you know what I mean, and I knew that what turned on women wouldn't be the same for him. I've been with my share of girls, and I knew what they liked, but what the hell was I supposed to do with Josh? I started to panic, and Josh, seeing my worry, quickly put both hands around my neck and pulled me in to a soft, sweet, kiss. "Austin, what's wrong?" he said, his face etched in worry. "I...I...I don't know what to do!" I said, feeling like such an idiot. "I'm so sorry, Josh!" "It's ok, you can't be born knowing..." he said soothingly. "Just do what you would like me to do to you." "OK," I said hesitantly, still not sure. I really liked Josh to nibble my collar bone, so I tried that first. I slowly taped my teeth along it, sliding my tongue back and forth, but then I felt like such an idiot. I knew what I really wanted Josh to do to me...I just didn't know if I wanted to do it to him. I stared back down at his green-silk covered crotch, his cock pointing straight up at me. It was the last horizon, the last boundary that I would have to make, to overcome my fear of intimacy with josh. And I wanted to make it special for Josh, even though it would be my first time. Josh wasn't helping matters, by rubbing his hands up along my nipples, making me shiver. I put my hands on his arms and gently took them off my chest. I know he wanted to totally rape my body, but this wasn't going to be about me. It was going to be about him. I decided to try and imitate him, and put my lips down on his chest. I knew it worked for me, so I thought maybe it would work for him. I teased his nipple a little with my tongue, sucking it in, and slobbering on it, but I felt kind of stupid. "Ok, maybe foreplay isn't exactly your thing," said Josh, his smile letting me know it was ok that I was totally hopeless. I decided fuck this shit, Reiter, just do what you do best, and I leaned in, covering him with my body, as I felt our erections slide up against each other. I crawled around on top of his tight body, kissing every piece of flesh that I saw, as my hands started exploring. I might not have Josh's expert tongue, but I figured my fingers could do some work. I slid my hands between us, which was pretty easy cuase we were getting kind of sweaty, until they reached his hips. My mouth latched on to his nip, one hand holding up my weight, the other hesitating at the prize beneath me. Josh sensed my hesitation again. "Austin, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. I'm not expecting you to suddenly do something you don't want to," he said seriously, gauging my reaction with his eyes. "But I do want to, Josh. I want to do it. I want to suck you," I said, and I put both knees on either side of his body, and grabbed the waistband of his boxers. I quickly yanked them down, sliding them off his tight, gorgeous ass so much easier than those goddamn leather things, and I caught sight of his tool, red, angry looking. It wasn't as long as mine, but it was wet and hard and ready. I have never been this close to a cock before, and I could see every ripple, every vein, as it pulsed in front of me, the velvety head contrasting sharply to the hard-as-steel shaft. Here goes nothing, I thought, as I grabbed Josh's cock with my right hand and started jacking it a little. It was kind of hard from my position, leaning over Josh with all my weight on my left arm, which was holding me above Josh. I steadied myself and bent towards the hard rod in front of me. I slowly dropped my lips towards it, licking the head briefly before abruptly pulling off, shocked that I would be so bold. Josh gasped at my sudden decision to go for the gold, and his hands continued getting tangled in my hair, forcing me down a little more, so I slowly licked around the head, and slid my tongue up the underside of his shaft. I licked all the way down it, stopping briefly at the base, before slowly licking all the way back up again. I was intrigued at his taste. Kind of salty. Not bad, exactly. I then did something that I thought I would never do, as I rounded my lips and carefully slid the now wet and shiny head into my mouth, getting a yelp from Josh in response. I decided that was a good sign, so I tried going even further, after licking all over the head itself, and teasing the underside of it with my tongue. Josh was moaning loudly from the bed and I caught sight of him, his eyes closed, his mouth open in an expression of ecstasy. His legs were starting to move around underneath my chest. I smiled around his dick, and decided to slide it even further in my mouth, but I went too fast, and nearly choked. I pulled off, coughing, and Josh's eyes fluttered back open. "Austin...Austin...," he panted, but I didn't need reassurances from him. I just guided his dick back to my mouth until it was about halfway in, and then came back up again, my tongue washing over it, as I started to set up a rhythm. I went down a little further each time, his cock sliding wetly out was making smacking sounds with my lips. Josh was groaning, god I hope he was enjoying this. My own dick was straining against my track pants, but I adjusted my position a little to ignore the throbbing, and instead concentrated on trying to get as much of Josh in my hot mouth as possible. "Whoa, whoa, Austin, baby, you gotta watch those teeth!" he said suddenly, guiding my head up and off his cock. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" I said, panicked. Great, I was trying to make him feel good, and I had fucked it up! "No, no, you didn't know, just relax," he said. "Its your first time, you gotta learn some time. Here, I'll show you," he said, and one second I was leaning on top of him, his hard poker halfway down my throat, the next, he had turned me on my back on the bed, and he was down at my knees. He had my pants down faster than I could blink, and he began massaging my dick through my boxer briefs. The boy knew what he was doing, I was leaking like a motherfucker by this time, staining the cotton so that you could see my dick through it, hard and ready for action. He had those off in less than a second, and he licked up my dick, swirling around it with his very gifted tongue. He slid one of my balls in his mouth, while his hands took ahold of my shaft and started pumping. I was in heaven, holy shit. After he was done, he slid the other one in, and slowly, slowly, resumed his oral assault on my shaft, wafting his tongue over it smoothly. I was rock hard by then, and he was driving me insane with his slowness. Before I could even think straight, he had about half my rod down his throat, sucking it in, sending electrical jolts up through my entire body. My hips involuntarily swayed and thrust forward, meeting Josh's downward pistoning action, which was rapidly picking up speed, as he began sliding his lips up and down my shaft. I was unknowingly gathering speed, as my hips kept forcing forward, fucking his face as he continued the electrical currents flowing up and down, up and down. I rapidly clapped my hand to the back of his neck, tilting his head back on to my dick, keeping those beautiful fuckable lips of his firmly attached to my cock as I felt myself get nearer and nearer, but then, I stopped suddenly. I gently pulled his head off my dick, and brought it up to my face, where I gagged him with my tongue, tasting myself all over his mouth as I rapidly kissed him harder than I have ever kissed anyone. "Josh, how are you going to get off if you can't keep your lips off of me?" I said quietly, before I began nibbling at his earlobe. "I can't help it," he said, and he sighed into my arms, as I held in to me, wrapping my arms across his back, and continued kissing and nuzzling his neck. "Austin..." he said after a few minutes of me biting and kissing his neck. "Yeah babe," I answered, kissing him softly on the side of his mouth, twice, then kissing the top of his forehead as my hands roamed across his back. "I want you to make love to me," he said seriously, and I looked him deep in the eye, and I saw that he was serious. "Are you sure?" I said, briefly wondering what that entailed. Wasn't what we were doing considered sex? "Never been more sure," he said, and I had to taste him again, opening that beautiful mouth of his to my probing tongue, I pulled him back on top of me, and rolled him on his stomach. "What do I have to do?" I said, worry in my eyes. "I want you in me, buddy, just nice and slow," he cooed, his breathing coming hard and labored. "OK," I said, already excited. I quickly ducked down, and grabbed for my pants. I never unwrapped a condom so fast in my life. It was hell trying to put the damn thing on, I was so hard and wet it kept slipping off. Josh tried to help me, but his touch was turning me on even more, so that my dick twitched whenever he got near it. When I finally had slid it on, he knelt back, and raised his legs up. "Not so fast, dude," I said, as I stuck a finger in my own mouth, and began massaging it with my tongue. "I at least know something about this part..." I muttered slyly, and Josh flashed me those pearly whites. I slid my hand down his body, squeezing his nipples briefly before tracing a trail all the way down his stomach to his cock. It was still hard and ready, and I adjusted myself so that my head was ready, as I slowly took him back in my mouth, and worshipped him with my tongue. His piston was iron-hard now, and hot as a piece of metal, and I slowly started to imitate him, being careful this time for my teeth, and my finger found his hole. I rotated my finger slowly, just tapping the entrance, as I slowly pushed inward, at the same time going down even deeper on Josh's prick. I pushed in to the first knuckle, before sliding it back out, teasing him. Josh moaned in response. "Oh my god...you...you...asshole!" he said, seeing as how I was going to play with him a little before giving him what he wanted, my dick buried in that tight little ass. I lightly tapped his ass again with my wet finger, probing it slightly, but not entering him. My mouth on the other hand, was flying up and down his dick. I still couldn't get much of it in, but I could get most of it, without gagging this time. I was also getting the hang of tucking my teeth out of the way. My tongue was enjoying the ride up and down his cock, it was everywhere. Josh was starting to moan loudly, which was such a fucking turn on, I began inserting my finger into his ass again, opening him a little bit more for what was to come. "Oh God, Austin...you're amazing...holy...fucking...god...i...i...oh...oh...," he whispered, as I dragged my middle finger inside, and started pushing both of them in, just a little bit, then quickly pulling them out. My hot, watering mouth, on the other hand, was totally dominating his dick, flying up and down. After a minute I pushed one finger in almost all the way, and Josh responded by bucking his hips, and nearly gagging me again. "I'm close....oh god, I'm close..." he said, his hips rising off the bed, meeting my downward thrusts of my mouth. Suddenly, without warning, he shot in my mouth, and I sputtered, immediately gagging, as I spit it all out. Oh my god, he came in my mouth! That is so gross! I didn't let that stop us, as I now had three fingers moving in and out of his ass, as fast as my mouth was fucking him. "Ok, dude, are you sure about this?" I said, leaning over him. HE gazed dazedly at me, still high from cumming, so I took the opportunity to lift his legs onto my shoulders, and gently guide my dickhead at his opening. "I am so ready for it, give it to me!" he said, scooting down a little. I gently pushed inward, and he gasped a little, so I immediately pulled back out. "Are you ok?" I said, frantic that I had already screwed up. "No, no, its supposed to hurt a little at first," he said, and I looked at him, horrified. "Don't worry about it, Austin, just please, keep going!" he said. I sighed, and pushed back into him again. My fingers had opened him a little bit, and I was able to stuff half my cock up there, before I met resistance. I immediately pulled back as slow as I dared, but his ass was clamped so hard onto my dick, it was hard enough. I pulled back until just the head of my dick was in, then shoved back in. Josh gasped and moaned at the same time, and I leaned forward to kiss him, and tell him I love him, which he stammered back. Then I slowly pulled back out again, before ramming it home, so that I was able to get another inch in there. My god, he was the tightest I had ever had. "You are soooo sexy," I told him, as I thrust in even more, and he grinned back, a look of pure pleasure and lust on his face. "Give it to me, man," he said, his hands grabbing my biceps, which were bulging with holding myself over him. I responded immediately, slamming back into him, then dragging my cock back out, his hot butthole squeezing so hard I thought I'd burst. My dick felt like it was in a hot, warm glove, squeezing so tight my balls ached to be unloaded. I pushed in even further, now just a couple of inches were still outside, as I marveled at the connection we were making. We couldn't talk anymore, our mouths long since attached by the lips, swallowing each other, as I thrust in harder, deeper, and faster. I began driving into him so fast, my mind was blur, and he was actually lifting himself off the bed, meeting my thrusts with upward thrusts of his own. It was so hot, I was surprised the smoke alarm hadn't gone off. A few minutes of fast fucking, and I was able to longdick him, thrusting entirely in before dragging all the way back out, so that we wee both panting like dogs. I felt the familiar rushing sense in my head, as I fucked harder and faster, my muscles straining as I tried to hold back, but I nearly exploded inside Josh, shooting over and over, until I collapsed on top of him, completely spent. We lay like that forever, until I finally was able to take my dick back out of that hot little hole, and we were able to breathe normally again. "I love you Josh," I said, kissing him softly on the lips. I wrapped my arms around him, crushing him to me. "I love you too, he answered sleepily, and we both fell asleep a few seconds later, him in my arms. Where he belonged. TO BE CONTINUED!!! No more emails whining that this is the end! I have a lot more to write, and I am trying as fast as I can! scottiescot@hotmail.com!!!