"Get Ready...Tonight...Gonna make this a night [love] to remember."

My Kinda Guy
A Love To Remember
Chapter -- 16, Part E
by JT Poole and Nicole Brown

New York -- The Hilton -- In the Main Room

Nikki's POV

This is just one big ass giant puzzle of sadness around here.  I don't know how much more stuff I or anyone else around can take anymore.  It's like every time we get together as a group, some fucked up shit happens to one of us, mainly me.  Am I hexed or something?  Why does this shit keep happening when I'm around the people I care about?  The answers to those two questions escape me, but maybe soon I'll be able to solve the problem myself.

I feel so sorry for Tony right now.  I know he's trying to be strong and not break down, but I can see his resolve wavering.  Not only is he dealing with not having me in his life like he wants, he's also struggling with not being able to have his boys with him all the time like he wants, and it's stressing him.  Add to that the shit that went down with Josh and throw Kelly's death on top, and you can chalk this up as one big compounded problem that's going to burst the floodgates open.  How many more blows to his heart can he take now?

I'm so tired now, but I can't restónot when Tony needs me so much. Please, Lord, give me the strength I need to get us through all of this.  This is too much to deal with at one time.  I know he's hurting, but there's nothing I can do right now to take that pain away.  All we can do is try to take things one step at a time.

"Leticia, are the boys alright now?"  I ask her, getting up from the sofa, needing to stretch my legs.

"Howie and I just got them down for their nap," she tells me, walking over to me as we hear a cell phone start ringing.  "It's not mine."

"It's not mine either," I say, looking at my phone, walking back over to Tony, hearing it's his.  "Hello?"

"May I speak with Mr. Fatone?"  I hear a woman's voice on the phone.

"I'm sorry miss, but Mr. Fatone isn't available at the moment," I say, looking at Tony still talking on the phone with the social services worker.

"I'm sorry I should have known that with what I just found out.  My name is Kalin Taylor. I'm Joshua Chasez's Crisis Counselor.  I'm sure this isn't a good time and all, but I was just speaking with Joshua and from the sounds of things, he was highly emotional.  Before I could talk to him to try to help him, he stopped talking to me.  All I could hear on the phone was him crying.  Is there a way for Mr. Fatone to go check on him?"

"Ah...well...I don't think that's possible at the moment, but I guess I'll have to suffice for the time being," I tell the woman, wondering what was going on with Josh now.  "I'll go check on him.  Is there anything else you need for Mr. Fatone to do?"

"When the time is convenient, could you have him give me a call?  He should still have my number," the woman tells me as I look back at Tony and then look at the room that Josh had gone into earlier.

"I will do that miss," I tell her as we both said our goodbyes and I sighed, wondering how I was going to handle both Tony and Josh's problems.

"'Licia is there something wrong?"  D asks me, walking up behind me and placing a kiss on my neck.

"I just got a call from Josh's counselor and..." I tell him as I just turn around in lay my head on his shoulder.  "She said that he was highly emotional and basically that's not good."

"Wh-what does that mean?"  D asks me as I pull back in look him in the eye.

"I think she's worried that he slipping back into one of his dark places," I tell him as realization kicked in and I could tell that he was thinking the same thing I was.  "How are we going to deal with Tony and Josh like this?"

"Well you go help Joe, I'll go see about Josh," D tells me as I was about to protest when he quieted me with his lips on mine.  "You just try to keep him calm.  I'll go check on Josh."

"Okay," I said, turning back to Tony as D walked in the direction of the room Josh was in.

In JC and Joey's Room

Howie's POV

Walking to the door and looking back at `Licia, my heart wanted to just break seeing the sad expression on her face.  I didn't know Kelly Baldwin personally, but I had heard some things about how she never liked `Licia because she was never fully able to possess Joe's heart the way `Licia had.  I don't know how things really were, but I guess I never will now that she's gone.  I know that's sad to say, but it's not like I really knew her like that.

Opening the door, I could faintly hear what sounded like crying.  Walking closer to the bed, I pulled the covers back and saw Josh lying in the fetal position, clutching the pillow on the bed.  Walking around the bed, and kneeling in front of Josh, I pushed his hair out of his face as he looked up at me and then buried his face into the pillow.

"Josh what's wrong?"  I ask him, grabbing the pillow and easing it away from him.  "Why are you crying?"

"G-go away Howie," he tells me, sniffling as he grabbed the covers and pulled them over his head.

"I'm not going away Josh," I tell him, spotting his cell phone and putting it on the night table.  "You need to calm down okay?"

"H-Howie, just leave me alone," he tells me as I get up and slide into the bed next to him.  "What are you doing?"

"I'm here to make sure you're okay," I tell him as I wrap my arms around him as he looked up into my eyes and laid his head on the side of my leg.

"I'm sorry you're here," he tells me, sniffling now as he wiped at his eyes with the bed sheet.  "You should be worrying about Nikki and Joe, not me."

"Why shouldn't I be worrying about you Josh?"  I ask him, absentmindedly running my fingers through his hair.  "You're one of us."

"No I'm not," he says as I could see that his tears had stopped.

"You're here with us Josh," I tell him as I noticed that I was running my fingers through his hair.

With all the shit that was going on right now, I'm surprised that it took this long for him to start acting like this.  I know he's probably feeling a little bit overwhelmed and jealous right now, but if I can help it, I'm going to do what I can to get him back to a calm state.  I'm not as close to Josh like I am with Joe, but I'm sure that my niceness will rub him the right way too.  Sitting back against the headboard of the bed, I looked down at Josh and for the first time since knowing him, I could see the beautiful man that Joe fell in love with.

This day has totally been brutal on all of us.  There were times when I thought Joey was going to be suicidal and like try to take his own life.  There was even a moment when I thought I was going to breakdown from experiencing all the sadness around me.  Regardless of what's going on, I'm not going to let that break our spirits.

"Josh?"  I softly spoke his name.

"Hmmm?" He softly says as I caress the side of his face.

"Are you feeling better now?"  I ask him, letting my finger glide ever so lightly over his cheek.

"A little bit," he tells me as my hand found its way back to his hair and we were just sitting here in the silence of the room with only our thoughts to occupy our time.

Back in the Main Room

Joey's POV

God, this day just gets longer and longer. I know Kick thinks she's helping me by making me get up and do stuff with the boys, but she's just making me want to run and hide somewhere. How the hell am I gonna raise a little girl by myself? I mean, I know how much Josh loves Bri, but how much help can he really be to me right now? With the way things are going between us, I'm really not sure if we're gonna stay together after all this is over, and as much as she might want to help me, I know Kick isn't gonna want to become too involved with Bri because of everything Ma's put her through. But how the hell can I do this on my own?

"Tony? Is everything alright?" she asks softly, sitting next to me on the bed.

I look into her eyes, and all I see is how much she loves me and how badly she wishes she could make this all go away. Just seeing how much she still cares about me after all these years makes me wish even harder now that I'd stayed with her back then, but since I can't change the past, I put on a brave face.

"Yeah babe, well I'm as okay as I'm gonna get considering what's going on," I replied, pulling her close to me. I notice how quiet the room was and looked around. "Where are the boys?"

"D and Leticia put them down for a nap a few minutes ago," she replied, picking something up and looking at me. "Have you called Social Services yet?"

"No... but I guess now's as good a time as any," I stated, taking the cell phone she held out to me and dialing the number from the message Janine had left for me. When a woman answered, I said, "Hello? My name is Joseph Fatone and I was told to contact you regarding my daughter Briahna."

"Yes Mr. Fatone. My name is Amelia Youngblood, and I'm the social worker in charge of your daughter's care," the woman stated. I could hear papers shuffling around in the background. "Is now a good time to talk?"

"Well I was hoping I could just come pick her up now," I replied, suddenly feeling anxious. What could she possibly have to say to me?

"That's all well and good Mr. Fatone, but some issues have been brought to our attention that lead us to believe that perhaps it would be best for us to have a conference before your daughter is returned to you,' she stated, her voice devoid of emotion.

"What kind of `issues'?" I asked, starting to panic now. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, there's the situation of your living with another man," she began, sounding like she was reading off a list. "There is also some talk of an adulterous relationship between yourself and a former girlfriend... a Nicole Dorough. It's also come to our attention that you may be having a relationship with Mrs. Dorough's husband. I'd just like to clear up any misinformation I may be getting from this third party."

"Ms. Youngblood, Nicole Dorough is my best friend in the world, and nothing you or anyone else can say or do will ever change that!" I snapped, guessing easily where she'd gotten that little nugget from. "You can tell my Mom that as far as my relationship with her and her husband, I love the both of them for reasons only the three of us can understand, but there is nothing about that relationship that anybody else needs to know about! Now as far as my sexual orientation goes, that's no one's business but my own and my partner's. Now, please bring my daughter to me here... I just want to make sure she's okay."

"I'm sorry for the confusion Mr. Fatone," she said with the first glimmer of emotion I'd heard from her. "I would appreciate it if you could come here to pick up your daughter. Just ask for me when you get here and someone will show you right to my office."

"That's fine," I stated, relaxing now that I knew Bri was coming home with me. "We're at the Hilton, so it might take us awhile to get there..."

"That's perfectly alright Mr. Fatone," she said graciously. "We usually stay a little late for parental pick-ups anyway, so take your time and get here as soon as you can."

"I will... and thank you Ms. Youngblood... for everything," I stated with a sigh as I gently replaced the receiver in the cradle, tired to the very bottom of my soul. I looked at Kick, who sat watching me with a worried frown. Suddenly her eyes filled with tears and she stood up, ready to run but I caught her hand and pulled her back down to me. She pulled me to her, crying softly as she stroked my hair.

"I never should have come back into your life... God I'm sorry for all of this," she told me softly as she held me. My heart went out to her now because I know how neurotic she can be when the people she loves, namely me, hurt.

"Kick, none of this is your fault," I stated, smiling briefly as I looked into her eyes. "Mom told the social worker all about me and Josh, so she just wants to make sure everything is okay here before she leaves Bri. Now stop crying."

"I-I can't," she stammered, the floodgates opening for real now. "You know... you would... have married Kelly... a long... time ago if it... w-wasn't for me! All I do... is mess... stuff up... for you!"

"Nicole, stop it!" I snapped, loosing patience with her for the first time in forever. "You are the one person in my life besides Josh that I know would never hurt me. You make me happy in ways you can only imagine, and our sons mean the world to me. So please stop crying before you make yourself sick."

I lay back on the bed with her in my arms, letting her cry until she fell asleep. I held her close to me, imagining that she was my wife instead of Howie's, and wrong though it may have been, I imagined that the baby she carried was mine too. I held her tighter, sighing as I glanced over at the clock, shocked to see that over two hours had passed since we'd first lain down.

"Kick, wake up baby," I said softly, shaking her gently. "Come on sleepyhead. We have to go get Bri."

"What time is it?" she asked, yawning widely as she sat up and stretched, looking adorable with her wild hair and puffy face.

"It's a little after five, so if you're coming with me, we need to go," I told her, sitting up and putting my shoes back on. I could hear her moving around now, so I knew it was safe to leave her alone for a few minutes while I went to get Howie, JC and the boys. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"'kay," she mumbled, going into the bathroom and closing the door behind her. I snickered, shaking my head as I walked through the main suite to the room where D and Josh were, knocking softly before pushing the door open.

"Hey... you guys awake?" I asked, sitting on the side of the bed next to Josh. I reached out and touched Howie's shoulder, smiling when he slit one eye open and looked at me. "Nikki and I are going to Child Protective Services in Brooklyn to get Bri. Are you guys coming?"

"I want to, but I don't want to leave Josh while he's like this," Howie replied, kissing JC's forehead tenderly. "You guys can go ahead... just make sure you keep an eye on Nikki while she's around Phyllis. You know how she gets."

"Yeah, I know," I said tiredly, not really in the mood for Ma's histrionics but not really having a choice in the matter. "You guys have a good nap. See you when we get back, and you can finally meet Briahna. Oh, we're gonna take the boys with us too, so you guys don't have to worry about them walking in on you or anything."

"Uh huh," Howie said sleepily, lying back beside JC and resuming his earlier position.

I walked out of their room and went into the boys' room, smiling when Josh stood up in his crib rubbing one eye. He stopped as soon as he saw me, grinning broadly as he reached for me. CJ lay on his back, rubbing his eyes sleepily but smiling when he saw me. I picked him up, kissing him softly before putting him on his feet and going to get their mother.

Brooklyn Child Protective Services Headquarters

Nikki's POV

"Where are we supposed to be going Tony?" I asked, casting a nervous glance over my shoulder every few seconds in anticipation of seeing Phyllis. "How much longer is this supposed to take?"

We'd only been here for all of five minutes, but that was five minutes too long as far as I was concerned when Phyllis was around. I didn't want to run the risk of getting into an argument with the woman in front of Bri after everything she'd just been through, so I remained on guard. Leticia, who had been briefed on the volatile situation, stood at the door, ready to handle anything Phyllis tried, but still I felt uneasy about being there.

"I'm not sure Kick, but you need to relax," he replied, lowering his voice so the boys and Leticia couldn't hear. "And if you're a good girl, I might have a treat for you when we get back to the hotel tonight."

"You are such a perv," I said, giggling softly when he kissed my cheek, his beard tickling me. "Cut that out you horn dog! People are starting to look!"

"Okay, okay," he said, moving away from me reluctantly but still smiling at me often enough to relieve some of the tension I was feeling about being there.

Suddenly the door to the conference room opened and an attractive young woman with waist length jet black hair stepped into the room holding Briahna by the hand. As soon as Bri saw Tony she released the lady's hand and ran to him, throwing herself into his arms and crying despondently.

"Daddy... m-mommy died," she told him, breaking my heart.

Tony turned toward me, looking helpless to comfort her. I went to them, rubbing her hair tenderly as she sobbed brokenheartedly. I knew that the next few weeks would be torture for her as she adjusted to life without her mother, so my resolve to help ease that transition as much as possible doubled.

"Hey Bri," I said softly, smiling when she looked at me with tears in her eyes. Her tears came faster now and now my bottom lip was starting to tremble too. "Your little brothers came to see you because they missed their big sister."

"Brinana, me see," CJ exclaimed, bouncing up and down as he pulled her leg, covering his face and peeking out. "I tee now!"

"Bri cwy Mimi?" Josh asked, confused because his sister was crying. "No Bri cwy now!"

"Bri is crying because she's sad baby," I explained, sighing when he clamored to be picked up. Josh leaned over and kissed Bri, patting her head. "Briahna's Mommy went to heaven to be with Titi Caroline, and she's sad `cause she misses her."

"Me wub Brinana Mommy," he said, kissing her cheek. "Me ta' care Bri now."

I put him down, needing to rest for a moment because my back was cramping. CJ came and sat next to me, and Tony sat beside him with Bri on his lap. He put his arm around me, resting his chin against the side of my head briefly while he rocked Briahna, and singing softly as he did. The door to the conference room burst open suddenly and my worst nightmare came true with startling clarity.

"You couldn't leave your whore long enough to come get your own child?" Phyllis hissed venomously, her eyes narrowed to slits as she took in the scene. "You need your ass whipped for bringing her here Anthony!"

"Ma, don't start this crap now, okay?" Tony said in a low voice as I slid away from where he sat. My small movement didn't go unnoticed though, and Phyllis turned back to me with murder in her eyes.

"Look at you... the only reason you're here now is because you want to take Kelly's place," she snapped, ignoring the fact that CJ was standing there clamoring for her attention. "You made sure my son never loved that poor girl, and now you have the nerve to be here tonight? How dare you!"

"Phyllis, this isn't about me or Kelly," I finally stated, looking at her with just as much malice as she was giving me. "I came here tonight because Tony asked me to bring his sons with me because he wanted them to be with their sister nowóbut you don't care about Briahna and how much she's hurting right now do you? All you care about is hurting me and making my life a living hell. You could at least acknowledge the fact that your grandson is standing there begging you to pick him up!"

"Whatever you little whore... just stay away from my granddaughter or else," she threatened, her entire demeanor changing as she finally looked down at CJ. "Hello CJ... how is my big boy?"

We sat there for another fifteen minutes while Ms. Youngblood got the paperwork together for Tony to take Bri, ignoring evil glances from Phyllis even as she sat there talking to both of my boys. The back spasms I'd been having all day were starting to get worse, but I just wanted to get back to the hotel so I could relax in a real bed.

"Mr. Fatone, I have the papers you need to sign," Ms. Youngblood said finally, coming back into the room and casting curious glances at me. "You can leave Briahna here with your friend if you'd like while we get this taken care of."

"Sure," Tony said, handing a sleeping Bri to me and following the social worker out of the room. As soon as the door closed, Phyllis looked at me like she wanted to kill me where I sat.

"Give her to me!" she exclaimed, earning a reproachful look from Leticia. She tried snatching Bri out of my arms, but I wasn't having it. "I said give her to me, you bitch!"

"Get your fucking hands off of her before I shove you out of that fucking window, you hateful old biddy!" I hissed smiling between clinched teeth so I wouldn't upset my sons, shushing Bri when she stirred in my arms. "Anthony left her with me, and with me she stays until he says different!"

"Let her go!" Phyllis screamed, slapping me so hard I saw stars. Leticia was on her before I had a chance to react, shoving her backwards out the door. "Get away from me you stupid cow! She's holding my granddaughter!"

I stood up with Bri still in my arms, turning to sit her in the chair and went directly over to Phyllis, who stood fighting to get free of Leticia and said quite calmly, "If you ever put your hands on me again, I'll break my foot off in your ass, you used up old sea hag! I don't give a damn if you are my sons' grandma, I'll snap your arms off and beat your ass with the bloody stumps!"

Phyllis snapped then, almost shoving Leticia into the plate glass door in her insane desire to hurt me. "You ignorant cunt, you don't deserve those boys! And if I have my way, you won't have them for very much longer!"

"Just try me Phyllis," I said with so much malice that even Leticia had to stare. "I'd just as soon see those boys raised by wild dogs before I ever even thought about letting you have them. Seeing as how you did such a stellar job raising your own sons, I don't know a judge alive who'd give them to you. And even if I was the most unfit mother in the world, I'm still a helluva lot better to and for my boys than you'll ever be!"

"You little bitch!" she shrieked, smacking me so hard I fell into the chair beside Bri. She stood over me, slapping me again hard enough to make me see stars. "You just wait Nicole! I'll make you sorry you live to regret the day you cheated on my Michael! Just you wait, you little whore!"

"Mrs. Fatone, that's enough!" a voice said from behind us as the room filled with police officers. "Phyllis Fatone, you're under arrest for assaulting a pregnant woman. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you..."

"What about that... that evil bitch?!" Phyllis screamed, struggling with the officers attempting to handcuff her while Tony came inside the room and made a beeline for me.

"Ma'am, we only witnessed you assaulting her," the arresting officer stated, looking down at me. "Ma'am, do you need medical attention?"

"No... I'm fine," I replied with a smile, touching the swelling on my face gingerly.

"Ma, are you out of your mind?" Tony shouted, sitting beside me with Bri in his arms again while the boys hugged me. "You could have hurt her and the baby!"

"Why can't you see she's poison Tony?" Phyllis shouted, looking deranged and angry. "She's nothing but bad news, and she's going to hurt those boys! You mark my words! She'll destroy them just like she did my Michael!"

"Get her out of here," Tony said in disgust, looking at me now. "You ready to go now?"

"Yes please," I replied, picking CJ up and walking behind him and Leticia, my mind going back to Phyllis' words. I felt a cold chill down my spine, but I shook it off as Tony turned to me with Bri in his arms and smiled. "What are you smiling about?"

"Just happy that we're all together now," he said with a smile as he kissed my forehead tenderly. "Now, let's get these three back to the hotel before anything else happens."

Feb 1 -- Madison Square Garden - Backstage

Kevin's POV

The fans are totally wild tonight and it seems things are going very smoothly now than the other night.  With all the drama that's currently going on amongst us, I don't know how everyone is still hanging on.  I know I feel emotionally drained putting up with the crap we've put up with recently and I'm sure the others feel the same way.  The week has barely started and we've already had to deal with Joe's crazy mom, my mom, Johnny having a fit about the affects of the tabloids on our careers and the other security staff flipping out about Simon.  JT tried to calm everyone down, but that didn't last long when Johnny told us about Brian's court dates quickly approaching.  Now that the show is going on, I think we're a little bit calmer now.

As for tonight's show, during the first set, Brian got the notion to give Johnny another reason to pitch a fit.  While we were singing `All I Have to Give', Brian thought it was funny to replace the word `girl' with `boy', giving Johnny the ammunition to come down on us later on.  I don't know what he was thinking, but some of us don't like Johnny Wright breathing down our backs.  Considering that the fans know that Nick and Justin are out and together, the fans didn't seem to mind it at all.  I'm shocked that he's even standing here with all the shit he said to JT this morning after they got into an argument about what really happened with John Patrick.  Johnny doesn't know it yet, but he's digging himself into a hole with JT.  One of these days, he's going to need JT for something again and JT won't be around to help his ass.

Now that we're backstage cooling off, I decided to spend this time with JT and the boys while the opening act is performing again.  Thinking about the way our lives are going, I decided it was time for me to stop hiding and let the world know about the man I love and married to and our kids.  When the two of us got married, it wasn't out and opened like Justin and Nick's was.  When we decided to tie the knot, almost all the press people were gone back to the mainland, so it was just our close friends and family that know that we're actually together and married.  Seeing how Justin and Nick are getting along fine in the public eye, I feel the public and the fans will treat us the same way.  We've been hiding too long and I'm really getting tired of having to hide my affections for the man I love, my husband and our two children.

"Hey Kevin, what's on your mind?"  Alex asks me, sitting down next to me on the sofa.

"Just thinking about some things," I tell him as Toby climbs up into my lap and starts playing with the decorative jewelry that was on the top I was wearing.

"Are you okay Kevin?  You look as though you're lost in a fog and need a search party to come in and lead you out or something," Alex says, looking me in the eye as I smile at him, to let him know that I was really okay.

"I'm okay Alex.  You don't have to worry about me," I tell him wrapping my arms around Toby just as JT walked in carrying Jaken on his side.

"Larry came back here and said you guys would be back on in a few minutes," he tells me, leaning in to kiss me on the lips as he places Jaken next to me and turns around.  "Boys say night-night to Kevin.  We're going to get you back to the bus so you can get ready for bed."

"This early?" I ask him as I grab his hand and pull him back to me.

"Yes man, those two have been running all over this place," he tells me, sitting down on the corner of the sofa.  "Those two need to be put down for the night."

"Oh come on," I tell him as I grabbed his hand, pulling him up and we walked out of the room, leaving the rest of the guys behind.

"Baby, are you alright?"  He asks me, stopping and looking at me.

"I'm fine baby," I tell him, leaning in and kissing him passionately.  "I've never felt better in my whole entire life."

"You're scaring me now," he tells me as I smile at him.  "What's going through your mind Kevin Richardson?"

"Us and our family," I tell him as I look out at the screaming fans.  "In a few minutes when it's time for our last set, I'm going to introduce you and the boys to the world."

"You're going to what!?!"  He yells at me, causing heads to turn around, looking at us as we were still backstage in earshot of the crew and a few fans.  Looking around, it was like all eyes were on us.  "Have you lost your ever loving mind Kevin?"

"No I haven't lost my mind baby.  I love you and the boys JT.  I'm tired of hiding my affections for you from the world," I tell him, leaning in and kissing him again.  "It's time that the world knows who you really are."

"I don't think that's such a good idea Kevin.  I bet Johnny won't agree with you on this matter," he tells me, taking Jaken out of my arms now.

"Well in my eyes it's a good idea baby.  Our lives don't revolve around Johnny, it's all about the four of us and what's important to keeping us happy," I tell him as I stop him from walking away with the boys.  "I'm tired of hiding us from the world baby.  I get tired of not being able to talk about you, hold you or kiss you when we're around other people that's not family or friends.  I want to be able to share my love for you with the whole world baby."

"We've had this discussion before Kevin," he tells me, looking down at the ground.

"Yes and your main fear is no longer important.  You shouldn't be worrying about my career baby.  My career isn't as important as you or the boys.  If I had to choose what I wanted, you'd be my first choice over my career any day baby.  So don't worry about my career.  The fans will either continue to love me or hate me.  They'll get over it sooner or later," I tell him, looking him in the eye, as he was ready to protest, as always.

"But Kev," he says as I interrupt him.

"Don't worry about my career JT. If my popularity happens to die overnight, I have other things I can do besides singing and dancing.  Besides, I don't see anything changing with us or the band, well besides the fact that the rest of the world would know about my husband and our kids," I tell him, still looking into his eyes as I could see that he still wanted to protest, but he was starting to understand how I felt about the whole situation.

A few minutes passed with the four of us just standing there backstage.  I could tell that he wanted to give in to me, but it seems something else was bugging him.  Kissing him again to assure him that everything was going to be all right, he sighed and looked down at both of our boys.  I love hearing myself say that, our boys.

"Kevin do you really think we need that kind of attention right now?  Do you think the boys are ready to handle the pressure of your career?"  He asks me, leaning up against the wall, his happy expression changing to a mean one.

"What do you mean pressure?"  I ask him, wondering where he was going with this.

"It's really simple Kevin.  If you introduce us to the world, the media would go crazy.  The first thing that would happen is everyone would know you married Jive's Security Liaison and then they would want to find out about Toby and Jaken.  After that, they would want to know how the children popped into your life," he tells me, that angry expression not changing.  "We would never have peace Kevin.  We wouldn't be able to go anywhere.  We wouldn't be able to leave the house for God knows how long.  Do you really think the three of us want to have to fight off the paparazzi daily?"

"Well I don't think you would have to fight off the paparazzi, just pop them like you pop everyone else," I tell him as he grins but turns serious again.

"Kevin are you ready to deal with everyone following you and the rest of us around trying to get a picture of what we're doing?"  He asks me.

"If that's the price I have to pay for being able to share my love with you in the open, then I'll have to pay it," I tell him.

"Well maybe some of us don't want to pay that price Kevin," he tells me as he starts walking down the corridor with the boys.  "Did you think about that problem?  Well did you?"

"Baby wait," I call after him as he keeps walking.  "You're not serious are you?"

"Serious as a heart attack Kev," he tells me, a little bit of anger showing on his face now.  "I love you, but I don't want the rest of the world in my life, knowing everything about me or the boys!  They deserve to have a normal life of growing up, not having to be in the spotlight all the time.  I don't want the paparazzi trying to get pictures of what it is that me, you or the boys do when you're not on tour or performing.  I don't want to have to look over my shoulder trying to make sure the paparazzo isn't around following us or doing something that would invade our privacy."

"Calm down," I tell him, looking down at Toby and Jaken.  "Don't scare the boys."

"Kevin, don't go there.  Don't try using them as an excuse to get me to get off your ass," he tells me.  "You're the only one that seems to want this Kevin and you haven't thought about how this will affect us as a family.  We just got the boys and we don't need their lives scrutinized and turned upside down with the whole world being in our family business. Now isn't the time to want to share with the world."

"Will there ever be a time to do this JT?"  I ask him, getting a little bit angry at the situation myself.  "All the times I've talked to you about this, you always say no, that it isn't the time.  I'm tired of hiding you."

"Well you might be tired of hiding me, but you'll get use to it," he tells me as he kisses me again.  "We're going to head back up to our seats for a bit, and then I'm taking them beddy bye time."

"Alright," I say to him, feeling a little defeated in this matter.  "I'll see you guys later."

"Bye Kevin," Toby says, waving at me as the three of them walk towards the stairs that led to the seating area.

"Bye Kevin," Jaken tells me as he too disappears around the corner with JT.

He might not want me to do it, but I'm gonna do it.  This is my life too and I'm tired of hiding my life and my family from the world.  After this is all said and done with, people would settle down and leave us alone.  I hope that's what will happen.

The Last Set of the Show


Why is he still insisting that we should come out to the world?  With the shit we've had to put up with from Johnny over the last couple of days, coming out to the world should be the last thing on his mind.  I understand where he's coming from when he says he's tired of hiding his love for me, but there are things that should remain hidden from the public.  I don't believe the world is ready for a gay Kevin Richardson that is married to a black man with the two of us having a little black child and an Asian child.  The tabloids would have all kinds of scandals going on about him.  I can see it now; "In a moment of lust, Kevin Richardson of the Backstreet Boys had an affair with Asian Reporter Trisha Takanawa and the two of them produced a baby boy named Jaken Cho."  That's all we need in our lives right now is the world speculating about the origin of the boys, damn gossip and rumors.  I hope he listens to me and not do this.

"JT are you okay?"  Tyler asks, sitting down next to me and picking up Toby, holding him in his lap.

"Yeah I'm fine, just a little bit worried," I tell him as he stops playing with Toby and looks at me.

"Worried about what?"  He asks, turning his attention to the monitor as the guys finished singing `I'll Never Break Your Heart'

"Kevin...Kevin wants to come out to the world tonight.  I tried talking him out of it, but I fear he's going to do it anyway," I tell him as I turn my attention to the monitor too and turn up the volume as I see Kevin standing on the stage with only Nick.  "Oh God he's going to do it.  Oh well, there went our freedom and privacy boys."

"So you believe that if Kevin comes out, you guys would be over?"  Tyler asks, as I shake my head no.  "Then what are you scared of JT?"

"I don't want to spend my time fighting the paparazzi," I tell him as I look to the monitor to see that Justin has joined Nick and Kevin on stage.  From the looks of things, the fans are going wild.  Not able to hear what he's saying, someone knocks on the door to the room where we were.

"I'll get that," Tyler says, getting up to open the door.  "May I help you?"

"Hi I'm Randy. I'm one of the escorts here at MSG.  Mr. Richardson requested for me to escort his family down to the front stage area," the young man says as Tyler steps aside and lets him into the room.

"JT, this kid named Randy wants to escort you and the boys down to the stage," Tyler tells me as all I could think about was how many ways I could kick Kevin's ass for this.  How dare he do this and not have some consideration for my feelings on this matter.  Oh he just wait until I get my hands on him.

"We're not going," I tell him as the kid wanted to say something else but I raised my hand.  "You can go and tell Mr. Richardson..."

"JT let me talk to you for a bit," Tyler says, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me over to the corner of the room.

"Talk about what Tyler?  I'm not interested in exposing my life for that matter the life of our little boys to the world!"  I shout as Tyler winches and steps back.

"JT do you love Kevin like you say?"  Tyler asks me.

"Yes I love him, I love him more than anything on the planet," I answer him, looking down at the floor, twiddling my thumbs.

"Well if you love him that much, maybe you need to show the world that.  Maybe he needs that little bit of confirmation," he tells me, placing a hand on my back.  "You know as well as I do that this will die down in a few weeks, hell it probably won't go past this concert."

"Maybe you're right Tyler, but I feel he shouldn't be doing this to the boys.  They don't need this kind of publicity in their lives right now," I tell him as he just watches me.  "We just got them in our lives, we don't need the media interfering in our lives right now."

"Maybe not, but things would fall into place JT," Tyler tells me as Randy stood across the room watching the two of us as Jaken and Toby ran around the room playing with each other.  "JT in Kevin's mind, he needs this as a way to show the world who he loves."

"How did Kevin turn you to his side?"  I ask him.

"He didn't turn me to his side, I just understand how he feels JT," Tyler tells me, smiling at me.  "If I had a husband like you, I would want to scream it from the highest mountain."

"Well you don't have a husband like me so it doesn't count man," I tell him as he shakes his head at me.

"JT just entertain his wishes for right now," Tyler tells me as the kid stood by the door waiting for the three of us.

"I just know this is going to end badly," I tell him as I look over at the boys and then up at him.  "You get Toby, I'll get Jaken."

"Let's roll," Tyler says as we got the boys and headed out of the room.

Out on Stage

Kevin's POV

I sent for JT and the boys almost twenty minutes ago and they haven't gotten here yet.  I don't think they're going to show up.  With the way he felt about me doing this, I bet he refused to come down.  I feel I'm making a big mistake here and he's going to leave me hanging out here.  If they don't show up soon, me, Justin and Nick are going to run out of stuff to talk about.  Things are already a little bit shaky now that Justin is drunk as hell.  I don't know what's got him drinking again, but whatever it is must be really bad between him and Nick.  I noticed he was drinking heavily the other night and now he's drunk now.  What's going on with him?  Oh Thank God, there they are.

"And after tonight there's only one show left and it will be in or hometown of Orlando Florida," I say as JT, the boys and Tyler walk through the crowd and up to the front of the stage as some of the fans are eyeing them.

"Well Kevin, look who we have coming up here to see us," Justin says, hugging Nick around the waist now, more like he was holding on to him for support to keep from falling.  "Isn't that your husband and you guys' kids?"

As soon as Justin said that, he pointed towards JT and the boys, causing the fans closer to the front of the stage to turn and look to see who it was that was approaching.  On cue, the spotlight turned on and at that moment the only thing I could see was my beautiful husband bathed in an angelically celestial glow carrying our son Jaken in his arms.  I was so happy that he was on his way up here to be with me.  This is one of my dreams coming true.

Walking up the stairs that lead to me, I saw Jaken, Toby and then JT walk over to me.  Justin was laughing now and Nick was doing his best to keep him under control.  To say the least, gasps and `what da fuck' could be heard from fans throughout the first few rows.  Some fans were cheering while others just stood there looking like a deer caught in the headlights.  Sighing, I reached out my hand to JT and pulled him to me as Toby wrapped himself around my legs and Jaken did the same to him.  Smiling at the unemotional look on JT's face, I hoped that this wouldn't cause a rift between the two of us. 

"You got us out here Kevin," he whispers in my ear, gripping my ass as I'm sure I started to blush.  "What're you going to do now?"

"Girls and guys, I would like to introduce you all to my wonderful husband and our sons," I say as the spotlight guy had the light centered on the four of us.  "I want ya'll to meet my husband JT, our son Toby and our other son Jaken."

The sound in Madison Square Gardens at that moment could be classified as deafening.  Having the fans see Justin and Nick fawning over each other and then having me come out to them, let's just say, the news channels and skag rags will be busy for the next few weeks.  Turning around to walk off the stage, we spot Johnny standing there shaking his head.  Walking over to us, he got up in my face and just starred at me.

"What in the hell were you thinking Kevin?"  He asks me, turning around and then turning back to JT.  "JT, why didn't you stop him from fucking doing this?"

"I had nothing to do with this at all!"  JT shouts at him as Jaken and Toby both hid behind the two of us.  "I was totally against this, but you know as well as I do that my husband is just as stubborn as the rest of us.  Don't try blaming this on me.  I'm not in the mood and I won't put up with much more crap tonight."

"I don't believe this..."  Johnny says as he closes his eyes and falls to the ground.

Remembering his earlier actions with Justin a few days ago, I wasn't about to lean down to check his ass.  He try that shit with me, I'll get like JT and cap his ass.  He had been on the ground now for a few minutes and hadn't moved from his spot.  Getting scared, I called for the staff doctor.  He came out to check Johnny and much to our surprise, he was really hurt this time.  Johnny had a heart attack and the doc had him taken to the nearest hospital.  This is just great.  A few fans were pissed that I'm gay and married and now this shit with Johnny.  What else is going to happen to us?

A Few Hours Later in Albany -- JT and Kevin's House


Thank God we're finally back home now.  It's almost two in the morning and we just got the boys down for the night.  With all the stuff that went on tonight, I'm surprised that we're home now.  I was sure Johnny was faking when his ass hit the floor.  After a good ten minutes had passed and he hadn't moved an inch, Kevin called for the doctor.  I surely thought he was trying to pull that same fake out act he pulled on Justin.  If he had tried that shit with me, I would've capped his ass.  Oh well he's being taken care of right now.  We called his wife and got her on the next flight out here.  Since the last show isn't until Saturday on the fifth of February, we're going to hang out here until Friday night. 

Since Justin starting coming down from his alcoholic high, he's been flirting with everything of the adult male persuasion.  I think that's the reason why Tyler went home, but oh well.  Justin is starting to worry me.  Why is he drinking so much again?  I know last year he was drinking when he and Nick were having sexual troubles, but I thought those troubles were able since the two of them fuck like bunnies.  Even now, Justin is sitting in Nick's lap and they're locked in a very hot embrace right now that is sure to pop a few boners in the room.  I know Kevin is hot, he's been watching the two of them since we came into the room.

"So what are we doing still up?"  Justin asks, turning around and looking over at me and Kevin.  "Are we going to get together for some fun?"

"I don't think so baby," Nick tells him, patting him on the ass.

"But baby I want to fuck," Justin whines, sounding like JC for a moment.  Ewwww.

"Well that's not going to happen here tonight," I tell him as he frowns at me.  "Sorry but as long as the boys' room is next to ours, that's not going to happen."

"Why not?" He asks, getting up off of Nick and walking over to me, sitting down in my lap and kissing me.

"Because you don't know how to control yourself," I tell him as he leans in and kisses me again.  "And I don't want one of the boys coming into our room and getting scarred for life from what they see us doing."

"What if we locked the door?" Justin asks as I get up, holding on to him as I put him down on the couch.

"No Justin," I tell him.  "If you're that horny, you and Nick are welcomed to go out to the pool house and have a go at it."

Why don't you two join us," he says as Kevin shakes his head at him.

"No Justin, you two can go out there, we need to stay in here and keep an eye out for the boys," Kevin tells him.

"Man, this is surely putting a damper on my fuck-o-meter," Justin says as he got up, pulled Nick up from the chair he was sitting in and the two of them walked outside.

"What are we going to do with the Double Blonde Ambition?"  I ask Kevin as he starts to laugh at me.

"They are not Madonna baby," he tells me as I pull him up and we share a kiss of our own.

"That was good baby," I tell him.

"So are you still mad with me?" He asks me, teasing my bottom lip.

"No I'm not mad Kevin, I just wish you'd thought all of this through before you went and did it," I tell him as he frowns at me.  "Besides, you're the one that's going to be responsible for the press conference Johnny is going to make us put together to answer the fans' questions about our relationship."

"I don't mind handling that baby," he tells me as we head towards our bedroom.  "If that's the price I have to pay to fully be able to share my love for you, then I don't mind that one little bit."

"I bet you don't," I tell him, as we look in on the boys one last time and then head into our room to get ready for bed.

"I love you baby," he tells me as we kiss again.

"I love you too," I tell him, squeezing his ass as we started to undress.

"Keep doing that and we'll be acting like Nicky and Justin," he tells me as I start laughing, imagining what the two of them were doing right now in the pool house.

"Well when we get back to Orlando into the other house we can act like sex fiends all we want," I tell him as he laughs at me.

"Do you think Lydia had any problems with decorating their room?" He asks me as I shake my head in the negative.

"I'm sure she was able to get everything up to our standards," I tell him, sitting down on the bed.  "You know we have to give Levi and Junior their room back one day."

"Yeah, but we don't have to give it to them any time soon.  Besides, they can have one of the other rooms," he says as I grab his hand and we both walk into the bathroom to shower.



I don't know any of the members of ęN SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned.  I don't know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay).  This story is fiction and you shouldn't take it for anything else but that.  This is for entertainment value only folks.