I gave you all the love I got...I gave you more than I could give...I gave you love...I gave you all that I have inside And you took my love...You took my love...I keep crying...I keep crying...I keep trying for you...There's nothing like you and I baby...This is no ordinary love...No ordinary love...This is no ordinary love...No ordinary love -- Sade
Chapter -- 1
by
JT Poole and
Nikki Brown
I should have listened to him yesterday when he said this would be a bad idea. I don't know why I thought things would be different this time around. I guess I tried to believe what mom was saying about second chances. We just got home a few minutes ago and he hasn't said a word to me since we left the hotel. Please don't let this cause stress between the two of us. With him not talking to me, closing me out the way he is, is a bad sign that he's trying to slip into one of his depressive moods.
"Baby are you alright? Talk to me please," I say, wrapping my arms around him as he just stood in front of the mirror looking at himself. "JT don't shut me out like this. Talk to me baby."
"Talk about what Chris?" He asks me, sighing and looking down at his hands. "You want me to talk about how your sister hates us? Do you want me to talk about how your sister is traumatizing our child? What is it that you want me to talk about Chris?"
"I don't care what you talk about, just talk to me JT. Don't shut me out baby. We've gone through too much for us to move away from each other now," I tell him, laying my head on his back and rubbing his stomach the way he likes. "I love you JT. I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you."
"I love you too Chris, but that doesn't matter now. It's already said and done," he tells me, a few tears sliding down his cheek as I moved my hands up towards his chest as that action didn't even phase him.
"No it's not baby," I tell him, turning him around in my arms. "JT look at me."
"Just leave me alone Chris," he says, pulling away from me and walking down the hall to his personal den.
"No baby, I'm not going to leave you alone," I tell him as I grab his hand, pulling him to me and kissing him on the mouth. "I love you JT and I'm not going to let you go. I'm not about to let you slide backwards baby."
"Stop it Chris," he tells me, pushing me away from him. "Just go on about what you would be doing right now."
"Right now I would be with you JT," I tell him, caressing his cheek as a few more tears fell from his eyes. "I would be with my husband, the man right here that brings me so much joy."
"I don't bring you joy Chris," he tells me, walking over to a bookshelf in the room and grabs a book that I'd never seen before. "I'm the factor that disrupts your connection with your family."
"Fuck that baby," I tell him, wrapping my arms around him as he starts to cry harder. "JT calm down."
"I can't calm down Chris! My son...our son is up in his room crying his eyes out because of his mother. We can't go on like this. She...she can't keep causing him grief. I'm not...not going to let this issue continue to torment my child," he says, opening the book to a picture of me and him when we first started dating. "I will not be a party to causing my son more pain. I know Kate is his mother, but I won't let her or anyone for that matter hurt him or Skye."
"I know that baby," I tell him, trying to calm him down. "I understand how you feel baby. I feel the same way about the boys too, but we're not going to be able to shield them from all the pains of the world."
"I may not be able to, but I'll try damnit!" He shouts as the phone rings in the room.
"Who the hell could that be?" I ask, walking over to the phone to answer it. "Hello?"
"Check the Caller ID to find out," he tells me as he walks over to his favorite reclining chair and sits down, grabbing his favorite throw and pulling it over him.
"Hi Noah, what's up with you?" I ask, wondering what it was that he wanted.
"Yo Chris, what's happening?" Noah asks me as I turn around to see that JT had closed his eyes and was soundly asleep. "I tried calling you two earlier. Where you been?"
"We had plans elsewhere Noah. What's up?" I ask him, walking out of the room to let JT rest.
"I got into town earlier and I thought I would hang out with my bestest friends," he tells me as I sit down on the sofa and sigh.
"So now we're your bestest friends is it?" I ask him as he starts laughing.
"You know you are buddy," he tells me as I could hear him laughing.
"Sure we are," I tell him as I look up to see Brad sitting at the top of the stairs.
"So what do you and my other friend have planned for tonight?" He asks me.
"So far nothing," I tell him, waving for Brad to come downstairs to me. "Why, what's up?"
"Well why don't you two have a cookout or something and invite the gang over," he tells me as Brad set next to me and I wrapped my arms around him.
"A cookout? Why do we need to have a cookout?" I ask him.
"So you can invite me and your other friends over," he tells me as he starts laughing again.
"Why would we want to invite you freeloaders over?" I ask him as he stops laughing.
"Hey, that ain't funny Chris," he says as I start laughing this time.
"I guess we could have a cookout or something," I tell him as I spot Skye walking down the stairs this time.
"Sounds cool buddy. Why don't you invite Rider Strong over also," he says as I put two and two together. He was still trying to get a hookup with Rider. One of these days, Rider may give him a chance.
"I knew there was a secret agenda in there somewhere," I say as he sighs. "You okay Noah?"
"I wish I was Chris. I'm getting old," he says as I remember we're both the same age.
"Hey! I'm not old missy," I say, snapping my fingers and working my head as Skye starts laughing. He always like it when I allow my 'girly' side to come out.
"Oh yeah, I forgot, we're the same age," he tells me, laughing now. "How long is it going to take you guys to get everything set up?"
"I don't know. I'm going to wait for JT to wake up and then we'll get started on that stuff," I tell him.
"He's asleep this early in the day?" He asks, probably wondering if JT was alright.
"Yeah, he's not feeling so good," I tell him as Brad looked up at me.
"Should I come over in a few?" He asks me.
"If you want to, you can. It'd be okay with me," I tell him as I kiss Brad on the top of the head and smile at him.
"Well I'll see you guys in few then," he tells me as we said our goodbyes.
Getting up and pulling Brad up with me, we walked towards JT's den and opened the door. I put him down and he walked into the room. Turning to look at me, I nodded and he climbed up into the chair next to JT. I hope that Brad being with him right now would make him feel better. If not, I think we're going to have some trouble on our hands.
Today has been long and grueling, I'm just glad I'm back here now. I can chill out for the next few days doing nothing before I have to go back to Orlando to meet up with the guys. Kevin and Brian tried to get me to go back with them, but I wasn't in the mood for dealing with them just yet. Me being around them and their loved ones, I just ain't feeling that right now. I don't know why in hell they think I want to hang around them and have to watch them do couple things. I can do bad by myself, I don't need no help to be heartbroken. I don't need their fucking reminders that I'm single.
"What do I have in the fridge?" I say aloud, pulling the refrigerator door open. "Let's see what I have here. Hmmmm, I don't want that. That doesn't look edible. Shit, that look like it has legs. I think I'll just throw all of this crap away and go find some groceries.
Getting my jacket and walking towards the door, my cell phone rang, interrupting my thoughts. Answering it, not recognizing the number, I waited for someone to speak.
"Nicky are you there?" I hear Daniel Bedingfield's voice ask.
"Daniel? That you?" I ask, making sure it was Daniel I was hearing.
"Yeah it's me baby. Where the hell are you?" He asks me as I got the keys to the truck and walked outside.
"I can't tell you that," I tell him, opening the door to the truck and hopping in behind the wheel. "Why are you asking anyway?"
"Well me and some of my special friends are going to be breezing through O-Town a little bit later on tonight. I thought that maybe we could all get together and have some fun baby, if you know what I mean..." he says as I shake my head and start the truck.
"I'm not interested in that kind of fun anymore Danny-boy," I tell him as I turn the truck around and start driving down the trail that lead to the highway.
"You're joking right? You must be kidding me. Not the Nick Carter that fucked me, Devon Sawa, Kerr Smith and James Van Der Beek all in one night in the same hotel room in the same bed. Tell me it ain't so," he says, sounding shocked and hurt.
"Danny I told you this a while back when you brought that skank ho Usher around. I told you he was going to be trouble and you wouldn't listen to me. All because of him, he almost outed all of us," I tell him, hopefully sparking some remnants of that event into his mind. "Since then, I've learned my lesson. I'm a one man kind of guy and I'm staying that way."
"Not even for me?" He asks as I turn off to the highway and head towards the grocery store.
"Not even for you Danny-boy," I tell him, turning my attention to the radio to change the station, not fully paying attention to where I was going.
I'm sitting here pressing the buttons on the radio trying to find a good song and the next thing I know, I'm hearing what sounds like tires screeching, metal was bending and the bones in my body breaking. I was scared out of my mind as everything suddenly went black.
I knew something was going to happen today. I don't know why I didn't just follow my instincts and just stayed home like I should have. Why can't he understand that me and his mother will never...ever get along. I don't care what I do, that woman believes I'm not good enough to be with her son. I could be the Queen of Fucking England and I still wouldn't be good enough for her precious baby. I love him, but I won't continue to put up with her crap every time she's around.
"Baby I'm so sorry," he tells me, walking through the main doors from the garage. "I had no idea she was going to do what she did."
"Jamie don't worry about that," I tell him, taking my blazer off and laying it on the edge of the couch.
"Baby stop," he says, walking over to me. "I know you're upset about the stuff she did, but don't close me out."
"I'm not closing you out," I tell him, turning away from him as he wrapped his arms around me from behind.
"Then why is it that Missus Bass has her back turned to me while I'm talking to her?" He asks me, caressing my hand with his own.
"Because this is the position you wrapped your arms around me in," I tell him as he starts to laugh.
"True, but all I've seen since we got into the house is your back. Don't get me wrong, it's a wonderful back, but I would rather see the front sometime today too," he tells me.
"I'm sure you got a perfect view of my front this morning when we were getting ready for church," I tell him as he moans.
"That I did baby, but you know me, I'd like to see it again for other reasons," he tells me, laughing this time as he turned me around in his arms. "You know you have to overlook mom. She just..."
"She just a racists is all," I tell him as he stopped speaking and just laid his head on my shoulder.
"She's not racists, she just doesn't know you like I do," he tells me as I shake my head at him. "As long as she lives, no one is ever going to be good for me. She has this high moral picture of a woman in her mind. All the time I was growing up, she had in her mind the outline of my life and how I was supposed to live it. So far, I haven't accomplished the things on her outline that she wanted me to."
Earlier in the morning -- First Baptist Church
Nikki's POV
I knew I should have faked being sick again this week. Don't get me wrong, I love going to church with my baby, but his Mom is another story. That woman has never liked me, and I can't for the life of me figure out why Jamie can't just find us another church to go to. I know he loves his Mom and everything, but that woman would try the patience of a saint--and a saint I'm not. Lawd, what the hell is she doing up there? It's not Fast and Testimony weekend.
"I know most of you know me, but for those of you who don't, my name is Diane Bass," she began, smiling piously. I don't know who she thinks she's foolin', I thought nastily, fighting a smirk as she continued. Like most of the congregation doesn't know she Satan's long lost sistah!
"I'm up here today because I just want to thank the Lord for the health and happiness of my family. As you all know, my son is my heart and soul and he's been a major source of pride for me. He's fulfilled all of my dreams for him--seen the world, is loved and adored by millions of fans around the world. And he's launched his own production company FreeLance©. He is one of the most generous people I know, donating millions of dollars to the Hurricane Katrina Relief Funds, and even organizing a silent raffle on eBay®."
She paused here to allow the applause to die down. Jamie sat next to me looking embarrassed, blushing as he pulled me closer. I grinned, kissing him on his cheek as the people closest to us `aww'd'. Diane cleared her throat, bringing the room's attention back to her.
"I can only pray that the Lord in his wisdom will see fit to forgive me for the animosity I feel in my heart towards my only son some days. You see, it was my fondest hope that my son would follow in his grandfather's steps and become a doctor. I know it's selfish, but what mother wouldn't love to have her son become a successful physician? I know he choose to follow his own love for music, and I can't fault him for that.
"I also prayed that my son would've married a young woman with similar... beliefs and traditions to our own, but the Lord in his infinite wisdom sent him the young woman he married right here in this church a little over a year ago. So my heart must find rest in the knowledge that even though Nikki isn't our kind of people, she loves my son dearly.
"Thank you all for your kindness in listening to my whining today. You all have a beautiful rest of your Sunday, and God Bless you all," she concluded as I sat there fuming. No this bitch didn't just stand there and say that shit! I'mma kill her ass today up in here!
I could see my Big Momma watching me like a hawk as I stood there fighting the urge to go beat the shit outta Diane, so I fix my best society smile and greet several influential members of the church board. Big Momma makes her way slowly over to me and stands patiently waiting for me to finish my conversation with Reverend Jacobs, and then grabs my hand before I can make a run for it.
"Nicole, I've known you since you were a little gal crying baby in yo Momma's arms, so you can just wipe that ole fake smile off yo face chile," she says sagely, grinning when an unwilling smile finally breaks through. "Thas better honey. Don't you let that ole biddy ruin yo Sunday baby. Just `cause her boy didn't marry some po excuse fo a white girl ain't no reason to let her upset you. I know yo Momma, God rest her soul, would probably be telling you the same thang too, so you let that ig'nant woman be ig'nant by herself, you hear me?"
"Yes ma'am," I replied meekly, shaking my head when she kissed me and moved off to find her ride. I felt arms encircle my waist and turned to face my husband with a smile firmly plastered on my face.
"How's your grandma doing, babe?" Lance asked, kissing my neck while I squirmed under Diane's disapproving glare. He must have felt the change in me, because he looked at me in confusion. "Nikki, baby what's wrong?"
"I-I'm just feeling a little nauseated is all," I replied, my smile dissolving as I felt a wave go through me. "I think I need to be getting home... kiss your mom and Stacy for me. I'll meet you by the car."
Before he could say a word in protest, I bolted for the door, ignoring friends and enemies alike who would like nothing better than to see me fall apart. I won't be giving those hateful ass fools the fuckin' satisfaction, thank you very much! I unlocked the car, sitting inside and wiping my eyes on a tissue from the glove compartment. Pulling down the visor, I sigh at how run down my reflection looks--thanks in no small part to my mother-in-law's constant disapproval of everything I do, say, eat, drink, etc.
It seems like no matter how nice or friendly or circumspect I act, Diane is just determined to hate me no matter what I do. I just wish I could get Lance to see just how much the shit she says about me hurts me. He just says I'm being too sensitive, but that's a load of crap! I know he sees it, but he loves both of us too much to ever hurt either of us. I just don't know how much longer I can take this though. Something has got to give.
I blow my nose just as I see Jamie walking out the front door, smiling as he waves and greets everyone. I feel the same rush of pride and love that I feel every single day since the very first time he asked me out. We may have started slow, but man did we make up for it! Our marriage hasn't been easy, but it's been worth it every step of the way.
"Hey Brown eyed woman," he says with a grin, leaning over to kiss me before starting the car. "Mom wants to know if you were feeling up to Sunday dinner at the house tonight. I told her I'd ask you and let her know."
Oh Jamie... why can't you see how much she hurts me? I wondered as I turned to stare out the window, lost in thoughts of other much more pleasant things than the thought of spending the evening with my own private monster-in-law.
"Well that doesn't give her the right to do what she did today Jamie," I tell him as he nods.
"You're right baby, but she's set in her ways. She's my mom, I can't change her mind," he tells me as the phone rings. "I'll get that."
"No, I'll get it," I tell him, pulling out of his arms and walking over to the phone to answer it. "Hello?"
"Hey girl, where you been? I thought you would have been home today?" I hear JT, my coworker and friend ask me.
"I went to church with Jamie," I tell him as I can hear the gasp on the other end of the phone.
"Okay what happened?" He asked me. "Did Diane freak out and have a fucking coronary?"
"Almost," I tell him, wanting to laugh at how he said that. "I'll tell you about that some other time. What's up Mister JT?"
"Well we're having a few friends over tonight. I wanted to know if you two wanted to come over and join us?" He asked me.
"Hold on sweetie, let me check," I say, turning around to see that Jamie was no longer in the room. "Jamie where are you?"
"I'm upstairs baby," he shouts as I sign and walk towards the stairs.
"JT and Chris are having a get together. Do you want to go?" I call up to him.
"Sure why not. We don't have anything else to do," he says as I turn around and walk into the den.
"I guess we'll be there. W hat time is this shindig starting?" I ask him.
"You guys can show up in about an hour or so," he tells me as I could hear some kind of commotion on his end of the conversation.
"JT is there something wrong?" I ask him, getting a bit concerned at the racket I heard.
"That would be my son having one of his tantrums about Kate," he tells me as I suddenly felt angered.
"Is Kate there?" I ask him.
"No she's not here, but we saw her this morning. Bev orchestrated a short family get together this morning that turned out bad," he tells me as I wondered what really happened this time between them and her.
"Are you okay JT?" I ask him, wondering how this was affecting him again.
"I'm fine for right now Nicole," he tells me as I can hear the screaming getting louder now. "Girl I gotta go. You two can show up in about an hour or so. Can't wait to see you. Bye Nicole."
"Bye JT," I tell him as I hung up the phone.
"I hope nothing out of the ordinary is going on with them. I don't think they need to be dealing with too much stress right now," I say aloud as I turn and walk up the stairs to our bedroom.
This afternoon is getting on my nerves. I don't know why I fucking agreed to come and stay with Brian, Leighanne and Kevin for the next few days. I don't know why it is so important that I explain my actions to them. They don't need to know my fucking every move. I already have a mother and father, I don't need another set. If I'd known I was going to be dealing with this shit, I'd gone back to the Keys. If one more person asks me something about if I'm gay or not, I'm going off on their ass and it won't be funny.
"So what are you plans for the evening Alex?" Kevin asks, walking into the room with his daughter Kristin A'Lissa.
"I don't really know Kev. I thought about going to a club or something, but I haven't made up my mind yet," I tell him as he opens the diaper bag besides the sofa and pulls out a toy for Kristin A'Lissa.
"Well why haven't you made up your mind?" He asks me, teasing the baby as she giggles.
"I just haven't made up my mind yet," I tell him, getting up off the sofa and standing in front of the fireplace.
"Alex you okay?" He asks me, looking up at me.
"I'm fine Kev," I tell him through gritted teeth as I just wanted to punch my fist through the damn wall.
"You don't sound okay Alex. If something's wrong, you know you can always talk to me," he tells me as I turn and look at him and the baby and then turn back around.
"I said I was okay," I tell him as Brian and Howie walk into the room.
"What's going on in here? Something wrong Bone?" Brian asks me as he sits down next to Kevin and starts playing with the baby.
"I'mma tell you the same thing I told him, there's nothing wrong!" I shout as the baby starts crying. "Look what you made me do."
Getting upset, I looked at each of them and ran out of the room. Getting out to the garage, I pulled my keys out of my pocket and got into the rental I had picked up the day before. Getting in and locking the doors, I turned the ignition on so the radio would start. Finding something to drown out my thoughts, I turned the music up real loud as I too cried, pounding my hands on the steering wheel.
TO BE CONTINUED...
I don't know any of the members of «N SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned. I don't know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay). This story is fiction and you shouldn't take it for anything else but that. This is for entertainment value only folks.