Date: Mon, 17 May 1999 16:27:35 EDT From: Demon1542@aol.com Subject: Nobody But You All right, I will send in this continued version, if it's any good please let me know, and I'll continue. If it isn't, I'd like to know that too. I've never written a ...love... story before so I am a little shy about it. As always this is fiction, it is not intended to offend anyone. e-mail Demon1542@aol.com Part 1 AJ sighed as he stretched out in his bed and glanced around the hotel room. He felt alone again, he had for a long time, no one understood him. He looked at the clock and knew he had to get up and moving, there was rehearsal that day. As he made his way down the hall he saw his band mate Kevin come out of his room. "Hey man," Kevin smiled. "Sleep good?" "Yea, pretty good." AJ lied "How about you?" "Didn't sleep a wink," Kevin laughed "I had way too much on my mind." The two entered the dining room where the other three members of the BSB were already eating, talking, and basically being rowdy boys. As Kevin went over and sat in between Nick and Howie AJ suddenly decided he had lost his appetite. He turned and hurried out of the room. "What's with him?" Howie asked, glancing at Kevin. "No clue." He responded softly. After a few moments Kevin decided somthing had to really be wrong with his friend and went to check on him. "Hey, AJ man, you ok in there?" "I'm fine!" AJ yelled through the door "I just wasn't hungry." "Let me in." Kevin insisted. After a few minutes of silence he continued, "C'mon, will you please let me in? I won't go away until you tell me what is so wrong. I mean it, open this door!" "You aren't my father you know." AJ said softly as he let Kevin in the room. Kevin did not respond, just looked at him. It was obvious that AJ had been crying. "You aren't going to tell me are you." said Kevin. AJ shook his head. "It's just too weird, it's sick, you'd hate me if you ever knew!" "Well," Kevin said softly. "How about I tell you something that has been bothering me, it's pretty major, it scares me. Will that make you feel any better?" AJ looked up at him silently. "It's about why I haven't been sleeping." Kevin continued. "Questions that I am afraid to answer..." He trailed off. "You can tell me, I swear!" AJ said, hardly daring to hope that Kevin might say what he so wanted to hear. "Well...have you....ever...." He could barely get the sentence out. "Yes." AJ whispered. Kevin looked at him, startled. "I'm gay and I really really like you I have for a long time I have dreams about you I think I'm in love with you!" AJ rushed out praying to God that he had not guessed wrong. When he finally had the courage to look at him he was shocked to see that Kevin had tears in his eyes. He reached out, pulled AJ forward and kissed him gently. "Dear God." he whispered "I've wanted to try that for so long. You figured me out," He smiled. " I've been thinking a lot about all the girls I've dated and even though I really cared about all of them, I was really uninterested in sex. Just a few weeks ago I was flipping channels because I couldn't sleep. I came across a gay film and it was the first time I had been turned on in months. I've been wanting to try something ever since then." He looked at AJ uncertainly but was met with silence. "I didn't mean anything by that, just that I....well...I care about you a lot and if you're interested maybe we could....uh...." He was silenced by another kiss. AJ stepped back and laughed a little. "You're cute when you are nervous. Kevin, I would be honored and delighted to be your first!" Kevin grinned and relaxed as AJ sat down on the edge of the bed. "Well, where do you want to start?" he questioned "Take of your shirt." AJ smiled up at him. Kevin did so, feeling slightly nervous. He stood still until AJ spoke warmly. "C'mon now, you're a big boy. You know what to do." Kevin knelt down on the bed, one knee on either side of AJ's body, and ran his fingers through his hair. AJ leaned forward to kiss Kevin's chest and brought up his hands to rub Kevin's back. Kevin sighed happily at the feeling and lowered his head to kiss AJ's lips, slowly becoming more forceful. He pushed his tongue deep into A.J's mouth and they kissed passionately for several minutes. Kevin then pulled back, breathing heavily. "Damn!" he gasped. "That was..." he shook his head and AJ laughed "I hope you mean good!" Kevin smiled sweetly "It's too bad we have to get to rehearsal, I could stay right here like this for days!" "You'll get your chance, no worries." AJ smiled mischievously. "OK guys, you did great today!" called Fatima. "Wow, am I beat. I need a nap." Brian grinned at no one in particular. "No fair," Nick yelled "I wanted to go out tonight! Brian you are not allowed to be tired, So there!" "Acting a little childish today, aren't we Nicky?" Kevin reprimanded. "I am not!" "Always." "No way!" "Are too." Kevin smiled. "Am not!" Are too." Am not!" "Are too" "Not!" "Too!" "Not!" "Too!" "Not not not not!!!" "Whoa!" Howie interrupted "Can it you guys, you're giving me a head ache." "Oh you are a head ache." Brian joked. Nick looked around the room uncertainly. "Hey guys, Where's AJ?" Everyone blinked in surprise but no one could recall seeing him leave. Howie decided that he had looked very tired all day and probably just wanted to get back to their hotel. Everyone walked out to the limo fully expecting to find AJ waiting inside. "Uh guys, he isn't here." Howie stated in a suspicious tone, as he looked into the limo." "What do you mean?" asked Nick "Mr. McLean left in a taxi twenty minutes ago." Their driver interrupted. "What?" Howie asked, looking confused. "Mr. Mclean called a taxi twenty minutes ago and left, Sir." They all piled slowly into the limo and Brian looked over at Kevin. "Hey, Cuz, you talked when you went up to talk to AJ this morning, what did he have to say?" "Uhm..." Kevin glanced out the window. "Actually it was kinda personal, I think I need to discuss it with him some more before we talk to ya'll." "Hey, you said we should never keep secrets!" Nick interjected indignantly " I know, I know, but this isn't really a secret. I bet AJ will be happy to talk to everyone about it as soon as we get back." "Then why'd he leave?" "Nick you are such a little brat, it'll be fine, I'll talk to him." At least I hope so. Kevin thought with worry. Kevin pounded on the hotel room door. "Hey, AJ man, you in there?" There was no reply so Kevin tried the door, finding it unlocked he slowly pushed it open. "AJ .... ?" He heard a shaky voice from the bathroom. "Can you just... come back later or something?" "I want to talk to you." Kevin insisted entering the room. "No, Kev, I want to be alone for a while, please." "Come on now, I'm worried about you. Talk to me." "Man, you don't get it, I made a mistake." "What are you talking about? You don't mean..." "Yes, Kevin, this morning... I hadn't slept, I was tired and not thinking. It was just a bad idea. OK? Just leave me alone." Kevin tried to keep the hurt out of his tone. "If you are joking, this is not funny. You said you had feelings for me AJ, why?" "Damnit, Kevin, I told you! I made a mistake, let it go." By this point Kevin was standing in the doorway to the bathroom trying to remain calm. AJ looked up from where he was sitting on the floor. "Don't do this to me." Kevin whispered. AJ jumped up and tried to shove past Kevin, but only found himself pushed back to the floor. "Jesus, Kev..." he murmured. "Don't you see? I don't want this, I'm sorry that I let you think otherwise. It was a mistake." Kevin laughed bitterly. "Well, then what's wrong with me? Am I not good enough for you?" "No, no, that isn't how it is." "Then you were lying to begin with!" Kevin accused. AJ looked away, he was shivering even though it was quite warm. "I swear, Kev it isn't like that. I'm just..." He trailed of uncertainly "Just what?" Kevin demanded. "Aw, God... Kev... I'm just so scared." He took in a slow breath and then rushed out. "I never thought I'd really have the opportunity, I mean, not just to be with someone, but to be with you. I've had a crush on you for years, but I told you, I think I'm in love. I don't know why, it's just that.. that..." Kevin moved forward and knelt down next to AJ gently wrapping his arms around him. "Sshhh, AJ, calm down. It's ok, I'm here for you. I'm scared too, but I want to try this. We can help each other through this. Even if it doesn't work out, we can still learn from this." AJ lifted his face and looked into Kevin's eyes. "Please, don't say that it won't work." He carefully pressed his lips to Kevin's and closed his eyes... All right people, maybe this is horrible, maybe it isn't. Give me some feedback, let me know if I should quit or keep going, and if there in anything you would like to see happen with this. In other words , Write to me. Ok here is part number two, keep sending me your opinions. Thank you to the people that have already e-mailed me. This is fiction, it does not mean anything about anyone. If you aren't allowed to read it, don't. If you don't like it then why are you here? Demon1542@aol.com Part 2 "Where are they?!" Nick broke the silence suddenly. "We were all supposed to meet here for dinner almost an hour ago." "I don't know." Brian sighed "I tried both of there room , but there was no answer." "Guys, I am really worried about AJ. He usually talks to me about everything." Howie interrupted. "Well I am sick of this I am going back to the hotel to find them!" "Yeah, that's probably a good idea, Nick." Brian sighed, it wasn't like his cousin to keep things from them. The trio called their body guard over and asked him to have the car brought around. Back at the hotel Kevin was curled up in a chair he had pulled near the bed watching AJ sleep. He sighed thoughtfully, 'What have I gotten myself into? I don't want to hurt him, but...' He was startled by a pounding at the door. Instinctively he jumped up to quiet the noise before it disturbed his sleeping friend. Kevin opened the door and immediately pushed his friends back into the hallway closing the door behind him. "Kev, what's going on?" Brian looked absolutely bewildered. "What were you doing in there?!" Nick tried to shove past and into the room. "Nothing, God Nick, relax. AJ isn't feeling well, I was just checking on him." "Well you could have at least let us know you'd be so late." Howie frowned "I did, I called the restaurant because you'd all ready left. They must have forgotten to give you the message." Kevin lied again, silently hoping that AJ stayed asleep. "Look, I'm sorry guys. Forgive me?" "Hey, Cuz, can I talk to you alone for a minute?" "Um, sure Brian, no problem. Can you guys wait down in the lobby." Howie nodded and dragged an extremely annoyed Nick back down the hallway. All right, Kevin, what is going on?" Brian said with a sigh. "Nothing, I told you. AJ wasn't feeling well, that's all." "And he can't take care of himself?" "Oh come on Brian, I would have felt bad just leaving him alone like that." "You are always insisting that we discuss things whenever one of of has a problem." Brian stated firmly. Kevin sighed. "Look, it is no big deal. AJ and I had a bit of a problem, after we work it out, I'll be happy to tell you all about it." Brian shook his head. "I can't believe it, you have never told me an out and out lie before." "No no no, I am not lying to you at all, it's just... personal. Just let the two of us talk it over first and then we'll discuss it with you guys. Ok?" Kevin gave his cousin a hopeful look. "Just tell me things are ok, I'm worried about you." "Life is just peachy." Kevin tried to joke with a forced smile. Brian tried to smile as well. "Remember, we're family I am here for you no matter what." Spontaneously Brian hugged his cousin and Kevin smile became real. "Thanks Bri, I knew you'd understand. Downstairs Nick was pacing and ranting. "I don't like this, what is going on? It isn't like Kevin to lie. We never keep secrets from each other! Do we, Howie? No and I want to know what's wrong, is AJ ok" He was interrupted by a frustrated Howie "Whoa, Nick! Calm down I am sure it is no big deal." Although inside he wasn't quite so certain. AJ was his best friend and had been acting stranger and stranger, besides Nick was right, they told each other everything. "I just don't like it." Nick repeated, pouting, which made Howie laugh. Just then the elevator opened and Brian stepped out. "Hey, what's up? Where is Kevin and AJ?" Nick called to his friend. Brian just shrugged. "AJ feels like crap and Kev is flat out exhausted." Glancing at his watch he sighed. "Looks like we might as well just eat here." As the three of the walked to the hotel restaurant Brian lagged behind, he'd already decided not to tell the others what Kevin said. None of it sounded right and he didn't want to start any more fights, he'd give his cousin a little while longer to come clean with them. Kevin leaned against the door a moment collecting his thoughts before going in. He wasn't surprised to see AJ sitting up on the bed. "What was that all about?" AJ asked nervously. "We forgot about meeting the guys for dinner, don't worry I took care of it, for now." This didn't cause AJ's look of fear to diminish. "What did you tell them?" Kevin shook his head and sighed. "Relax. I only told them that you were sick" AJ cringed "not feeling well." Kevin changed his choice of words. "What are we going to do, Kevin?" his uncertainty increased when Kevin sighed and sat down. "AJ," he said carefully "we need to talk." AJ groaned, are there any words more frightening when spoken by a loved one. "I know we do, but does it have to be now?" "Of course it does, we can't ignore this." AJ took a deep breath "All right, what is on your mind?" Kevin remained silent for several minutes which did nothing for AJ's confidence. "Well, I like you, and I care for you very much, but" "No." AJ interjected "Please, no but, that is not something I want to hear." Kevin smiled ruefully. "There is a but. As I was saying, I care for you but" Aj interrupted once again "But you don't like secrets and want to tell the guys." AJ said hopefully. Kevin shook his head. "No..." "But you are completely asexual and incapable of a relationship?" AJ tried to sound as though he were joking but there was a hint of desperation in his tone. "Please don't make this harder than it has to be." Kevin said. "I'm sorry AJ I just don't love you. Don't get me wrong," He rushed on. "It's not that I don't care, I mean, I do. I do love you but not quite like that." He sighed, frustrated, mostly with himself. "AJ you told me you were in love with me. I think it is way to soon to say something like that and frankly in kind of scares me that you think that." He paused "Basically I don't want to risk our friendship. Do you understand what I am trying to say?" AJ looked away silently, he had nothing to say. Finally Kevin couldn't take the silence. "Hey I'm sorry, honestly, but it's just the way I feel. Please, say something." "No, hey no big thing." AJ shrugged. "You don't want me. That's cool with me. Sorry if I put any pressure on you, buddy. No hard feelings?" Kevin looked closely at AJ trying to figure him out. "You mean you are ok with this? But I thought..." Yeah, totally fine, why wouldn't I be?" "Hey now, I'm not a total idiot. I want to know what you are thinking, you can trust me." AJ laughed without humor. "Yep totally trustworthy, good old Kevin. I know, you have an image to uphold, I won't damage it." Kevin sighed deeply "AJ I really don't want to hurt you, I just don't think this is right for us." Kevin knew he was lying and was trying to believe his own words. He wanted this but it was just too complicated, someone be it him, AJ, or the band, would get hurt if he didn't put an end to this. AJ struggled to hold back his tears. Why was Kevin doing this? He made him confess his feelings and now AJ's fears were coming true. He had finally let someone in, given another person access to his emotions, his heart and Kevin was just going to throw it away. "It's all right, I'll be ok, I understand what you are saying. You're right it is for the best. I don't want to lose you as my friend either." Kevin studied AJ trying to read him, but AJ was a good actor. "You're sure?" "Yea totally, anyway we couldn't do something like that to the band, or the guys. I meant it Kev, we're cool, you an I, right?" "Defiantly." Kevin made himself smile. "I'll see you tomorrow ok? I need some sleep." AJ grinned. "Yeah, me too." Kevin rose from the chair and walked to the door, he gave one last look over his shoulder before exiting the room. Moments after he shut the door both were in tears mourning over their personal loss and what they each thought the other didn't feel. Yeah, yeah, I know, no sex but I'll get to that, really. Anyway I hope this wasn't too close to idiotic drivel. I'll work on a third part soon if ya'll like this one.