Date: Sun, 10 Dec 2000 20:14:18 -0600
From: Jules Wainwright <torilane@hotmail.com>
Subject: Nothing Is Real But The Boy: A Final Wrap-Up (BoyBand submission)

Hi everybody--

I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to this story...it's been about a
year and a half and I'm sure most of you gave up on it ever being completed.
On that note, I have some good news and some bad news.

First--a word of explanation as to what happened.  The part in the story
about Jules losing his job and being evicted was true.  I found it so hard
to deal with mentally that I needed to write this story as a release...I
needed to believe, if only in fantasy, that someone was going to come in and
save me.  But eventually I couldn't put off the reality of my situation any
longer, and I no longer had time to write the story.

I never wound up homeless--my parents, stepparents, and I managed to scrape
up enough money between us to get me a cheap studio...in a building which
turned out to have roaches, mice, and thieves.  I myself went on a downward
spiral for the rest of 99 and came dangerously close to having a drug
problem, but I managed to turn things around in January 2000 and make the
best of things.

I managed to get a great job through temping and am now in a much better
apartment in a much better neighborhood and I'm in a much better place
overall.

By the time I had enough time to consider writing the story again, another
thing happened...Kevin and Brian got married in real life.  As they were the
two primary characters in this story, somehow that killed all interest I had
in continuing it.  I think for me, the gap between fact and fiction just got
too great...plus, I myself was no longer in the fragile place I was and
didn't want to go back and revisit it.

I'm telling you this not just as an explanation, but because so many of you
guessed that that part of the story was true and were concerned about
me...and I just wanted to let you know that although things got worse before
they got better, they did get better. =)

Which is why I'm returning to this now...I just had gotten so much great
response from people about the story--how you felt it was different and you
could relate to the characters and were anxiously awaiting the next
chapter--that I decided that the least I could do was let you all know what
was supposed to happen.  So while I am not continuing the story in its
traditional form, I am providing you with a SOAP OPERA DIGEST-style plot
summary so you'll know what would have happened.

Maybe someday I'll try writing a new story...one I can feel invested in
again...but this story was just too strongly linked to a time in my life
that's passed.

And once again, thanks to everyone for their support.  i may have been lax
about responding, but it really meant a lot. =)

Take care--
Jules

NOTE: All the usual disclaimers apply--you must be over 18 to read this;
it's a work of fiction that in no way implies anything about the real-life
sexual preferences of the Backstreet Boys, etc. etc. etc.

NOTHING IS REAL BUT THE BOY: THE FINAL WRAP-UP

It turns out Brian was scared to death that the Backstreet Boys were on the
path to losing all credibility and they would wind up has-beens like the New
Kids before them.  Jules pointed out that they could also turn out like the
Beatles, which made Brian feel better.  they took a candlelit bath and made
love in the water (Jules was mainly a top; Brian was mainly a bottom).
Jules started crying uncontrollably, and Brian dried him off and took him to
lay down and held him while Jules told him what was bothering him.

Jules poured out the story of his life--how he had found out that he wasn't
planned and his parents had considered abortion, how his father left because
his mother was too saddled down with Jules to go out as often as he wanted,
how his parents in front of him the night before his dad moved out argued
not over why they wanted custody of Jules, but why they DIDN'T want it, and
his mother got him because she had the weaker argument; how he had to
constantly prevent his mother from killing herself and still found hidden
suicide notes years later; how before he had a chance to recover from that
he started being molested by a teen across the street; how he was the most
hated person in grammar and high school because he was overweight, buck
teeth or braces, no good at sports and the smartest one in the class; and
how every man he'd ever loved either didn't love him as much back, left him
for someone else, or both....and he was terrified of getting close to Brian
for fear it would turn out the same way.  Brian assured him that it wouldn't
and told him about his heart surgery and his fears that people only liked
him for his fame and not for who he was as a person so he understood...and
how lucky he felt to finally meet someone who seemed to appreciate him just
for him.

The two wound up having a fun week together, with Jules disguising Brian
with wigs and makeup (they decided the Goth look worked best) so they could
go places incognito, and they went for long walks in the park, carriage
rides, etc.  All went well until one night when Jules' second line rang and
a guy left an incriminating message on the machine before Jules could stop
it....

Jules had been too ashamed to tell Brian that he had been an escort for
awhile out of desperation...but he found it too mentally and emotionally
degrading to continue doing it.  Sometimes, though, as in this instance,
people would still call because they had old copies of the magazine where
his ad ran.  Jules was sure that Brian was going to leave him now...but
while Brian was admittedly surprised, he didn't hold it against Jules in any
way.

It was getting time for Brian to leave, although he couldn't bear to.
Finally, he came up with a solution--he'd make Jules the band's new fashion
consultant and budget manager.  The salary would be great and when the tour
ended, Jules would have enough money to get a place wherever he wanted...and
they could stay together.  So they had a relocating service come in and pack
up Jules' things and store them until Jules had a permanent address.

Brian had warned him that things with the Backstreet Boys were not as rosy
as their press made it sound, but Jules was still unprepared for the
battlezone it turned out to be.  Brian was really the only decent one...the
rest were self-enamored and jaded.  Kevin was stuck on his (admittedly
great) looks and body and obsessed with getting laid as often as possible,
which wasn't a problem since he was bi.  Nick was a self-centered bitchy
little queen who hated Jules before he even said a word.  AJ & Howie were
straight and didn't figure into this story much.  Brian was also the only
one really concerned with long-term artistic integrity...the rest were more
interested in getting as much money and exposure as possible, credibility be
damned.

As lead singer, Brian was kept busier than the others and suggested that
Jules take up weight training with Kevin to pass time, as Kevin was a pro.
Although Jules found Kevin a little obnoxious, he was way better to deal
with than Nick, and he'd always wanted a trainer and to get in better shape
so he agreed...

That turned out to be a BIG mistake.  Kevin was obsessed with "having"
Jules...just because he wanted to have everyone just to prove he could.
While Jules was on the weight bench, Kevin climbed on top of him and pinned
him down and started to have his way with him...sucking his neck, ripping
his shirt off...sucking his nipples...Jules tried to fight Kevin off but
Kevin was way too strong for him...and Jules was even more disturbed to
realize something else--there was something about Kevin and this situation
that was turning him on like he'd never been turned on before.  "Once a
whore, always a whore," he thought sadly...and gave in as Kevin began
pounding the shit out of him with his HUGE cock.

Jules didn't know what to do.  He loved Brian with all his heart...and loved
making love with Brian...but he'd also never experienced anything as
overpowering as the raw animalistic sex he had with Kevin.  Sometimes he'd
even find himself thinking of Kevin while he was making love with Brian.
And that's EXACTLY what Kevin wanted....to possess Jules--to have him as a
secret fucktoy--to know that even when he was with Brian he wouldn't be able
to get Kevin out of his mind.

It became a daily ritual of sorts--Brian would leave for training and Kevin
would come in and take Jules wherever he'd find him--on the bed, on the
desk, on the balcony, up against the shower wall, in the sauna--and Jules
equally loved it and hated it.  The longer it went on, though, he more Jules
decided it had to stop.  He pleaded with Kevin to stop but Kevin wouldn't
hear of it....and Jules became more and more mentally fragile, and thus more
and more easier for Kevin to overpower...even when Jules would cry as Kevin
was doing it.  Jules eventually started drinking more and more.  Brian was
growing more and more comvinced that something was terribly wrong with
Jules, as Jules was retreating into an almost catatonic state.  Jules
wouldn't tell him what was wrong though, no matter how much Brian begged and
asked...he just wanted Brian to hold him and never let go.  By this point he
wasn't even able to have sex with Brian anymore.

Then came the day when Brian came back early and caught Kevin and Jules
together.  Jules tried to explain but Brian called Jules a worthless whore
and stormed out.  Kevin had now lost interest in Jules as it was no longer a
secret, which was the major turnon for him.   Jules was devastated and on
the verge of a nervous breakdown.  Nick came in and started taunting Jules
about being a no good slut, and something in Jules snapped and he wound up
taking Nick the same way Kevin had taken him.  Nick was incredibly turned on
by this and wanted to go at it again after they came, but Jules told him to
fuck off and threw him out and locked the door.  He wasn't quite sure what
he wanted to accomplish, but he kept drinking and drinking and washing
Valium down with it...

Jules woke up in the hospital a day later with Brian by his side.  Brian
explained that Howie, knowing nothing of all that had happened, had found
him and called an ambulance and Brian.  Brian told Jules he was sorry about
what he had said and realized that there had to be more to what happened
than he thought.  Jules filled him in on what had happened...how even though
he wanted to stop, Kevin wouldn't let him, and how he loved Brian and hated
what this was doing to him and how it made him feel but he was finding it
impossible to stop and he didn't know exactly why.  Brian also confessed
that that night he was so hurt and angry that he went out and picked up a
fan and slept with him, but it just made him realize even more hoe much he
had loved Jules.

Brian and Jules did a lot of talking and soul searching and realized what
had happened.  Kevin's behavior had subconsciously triggered in Jules a
flood of memories of both being molested and experiences he'd had as an
escort.  This made Jules feel so horrible inside that he thought that this
was the way he deserved to be treated--that he didn't deserve to be loved or
cared for.  But Jules realized that as painful as his past had been, he was
a good person and he did deserve a loving relationship--if Brian still
wanted him.  Brian said absolutely--and how happy he was that Jules had
finally made this mental breakthrough.

Jules was released from the hospital and the two of them checked into a
different hotel where no one could find them.  They made love for the first
time in a long time....and Jules was happy to find that he didn't think of
Kevin once.

Brian told Jules that in helping and witnessing Jules break through his
problems, he'd reached some breakthroughs of his own.  He realized he was
miserable and living a lie.  He hated the other group members and what the
Backstreet Boys had become.  He decided that he was going to quit the group
and pursue a solo career and pursue songs of more substance...like George
Michael and Robbie Williams had done before him.  He also was going to
publicly come out.  He and Jules would put down roots in LA so Jules could
pursue an acting career.  He was nervous but finally completely happy and at
peace, as was Jules.

Unfortunately, this proved impossible.  The Svengali who had been in charge
of the Backstreet Boys had put together an ironclad contract with hidden
clauses that now came into play.  One--Brian was contractually bound to be a
group member until 2004.  Two--there was a "morals" clause that forbade any
member from coming out.  If Brian violated either clause, he had to give
back all his earnings as a Backstreet Boy.  Brian immediately got a
high-powered attorney who told him that while they would most assuredly
fight the contract and had a good chance of winning, until that happened
Brian was stuck in the group and on the tour.  Brian and Jules had no choice
but to comply.  They stayed in a separate hotel and Brian only would be
around the group when absolutely necessary.  It was uncomfortable and
frustrating, but they got through it together.

Eventually, the tour hit LA.  Brian decided that it couldn't hurt for Jules
to get an agent now and set up some meetings which went well, although they
had nothing for Jules at the moment.

Further along on the tour, Jules saw in a soap mag that they were reviving
his old favorite show, SANTA BARBARA--and among the characters being cast
was a new Brandon, who was now about 21.  Jules knew he could do that part
and got on the phone with his agent and got an audition.  Since he already
knew all the back history, Jules gave a great audition and got the part.

The only downside was it started almost immediately...and the part was a big
one so it meant he had to leave the tour and Brian and stay in LA.  This
terrified him--he was scared Brian would forget about him or find somebody
else--and he considered turning the role down.  But Brian told him that he
couldn't blow this chance of a lifetime out of fear...and that while he
would miss him terribly too, in just two months the tour would be over and
they'd be together for good.

So, sadly, Jules went back to LA, got a place, and had his stuff shipped
there.  As much as he missed Brian, he was excited about the part...and it
was nice to have his stuff again.  He got almost immediate good reviews,
which he was very happy about.  Brian was proud for him.  They talked for
hours every night...at least in the beginning.

Brian began sounding more and more distant in his calls, and the calls
became less and less frequent.  Jules was panicking because this was the
same pattern his other relationships had followed when they were
ending...but Brian told him nothing was wrong.  Jules threw himself into his
part the best he could to take his mind off of it.

Then came the day when the tour ended and Brian showed up at Jules' place.
Jules wondered why Brian had no belongings with him.  Brian said that's
because he wasn't staying and they had to talk.

Brian explained that the time apart made him realize that while he loved
Jules, he wasn't IN love with him.  He hoped they could be friends.  Jules
was devastated and begged Brian to tell him who else he had fallen for, but
Brian said there was no one else...it was just a conclusion he'd come to.
Jules begged Brian to change his mind but Brian said he couldn't.  He hoped
Jules would forgive him someday and they could be friends.  And if Jules
ever needed a friend, all he had to do was call and he'd be there.  With
that he left.

This was devastating enough for Jules, but nothing could prepare him for the
shock of what he saw in the paper the next day.  It was a lengthy front page
article on Brian and Nick.  They had both come out publicly...and were an
official item.  "I've never experienced love like this before," Brian was
quoted as saying.

Jules frantically called Brian for some sort of explanation...

...But Brian had changed his number.

In the final scene, Jules sat alone on his terrace bitterly swilling
champagne from his cobalt flute as he halfheartedly leafed through a cover
story on him in one of the soap mags.  Perhaps he should hire an escort or
become a (granted, extremely young) "daddy" himself, he thought.  In some
ways, it seemed more honest than love.

THE END

(I did warn you this was going to be much darker than most other stories...
=P )

Once again, thanks to everyone for everything...and good luck with your own
stories. =)

Jules