Date: Sun, 1 Jan 2006 15:39:21 +0000 From: Mike Rich Subject: Paranoia Chapter 5 Disclaimer: The following story contains sexual content and deals with homosexual relationships. It is not for people under the legal age. If you are offended by the contents of this story, or it is illegal in your location to view this type of material, leave now. This story is fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of the celebrities mentioned or any personal knowledge about their private lives. Any comments can be send to gridlinked@gmail.com _____________________________________________________________________________ Chapter 5 As funerals go, this one was going quite good. It was a horrible thought he knew, but he couldn't help think it. There was no party like in those modern ones, there was no uncontrollable crying, just respect for someone that was no longer with us. He had been reluctant on leaving Ben again after what had happened, but after persuasion from Alicia 'God, she could convince anyone to do anything' he decided to leave Ben with Philippe and his lover, Luis, a Portuguese man, that came to the US after his mother died of lung cancer. The newborn was with them too. Andrew trusted Philippe, and Ben always had liked the young man, and he definitely trusted Ben's judgement. Midst the see of people in black, he could see Kevin and the rest of the band all together, standing near Alicia, Rick and Tommy. He noticed that his nephew still hadn't talked to his parents, he just stood close to Nick all the time. Tommy had told him the night before at dinner, what the fight had been all about. Andrew was expecting it. The gay thing. Although Tommy hadn't even hinted at being gay, his parents were getting more and more worried with the possibility that under his uncle's influence, their son could turn out to be a fag. He was surprised though by two things. The first one being the fact that Kevin looked like he was getting along great with Rick, or at least better than the day before, he strongly suspected his mother's doing. The second one, was A.J.. He hadn't been expecting the singer, but there he was, and more surprising was the fact that, in the middle of such a large group of people that had knew Sarah so well, ones better than others, A.J. who had just seen her on the last moments of her life, was the only one that never stopped crying. People were starting to leave the cemetery after looking one last time at the coffin. The day was sunny. 'A good sign' he thought. 'I know we parted ways, but do me a favour and take care of her' He was looking up at the sky, where he knew, Sarah's God was. The group in the living room was quiet. Andrew was seated next to Kevin on one couch, wile Alicia and Rick shared another. Tommy and Nick had gone to Tommy's room to rest. They had been there for the past 4 hours. Andrew knew nothing was happening between the two, but he knew it wasn't long before it did, he just hoped his nephew was ready. "OK well" Alicia started, breaking the silence "I better go and pick up the boys, we are still going to meet tomorrow at my house right?" she asked getting up. "Yeah" Andrew responded looking at her, even grieving she was beautiful "Sarah left a letter with her, we are reading it tomorrow." "Well" Kevin said slowly "The guys wanted to be there, A.J. was very insistent that i would ask." Andrew just looked at Kevin for a moment "Its fine, i think its good that he'll be there. OK so I'll see you tomorrow then honey" He said to Alicia finally getting up and kissing her on the cheek. "Actually I'll be going too, can i borrow a ride Ally?" Rick voiced as he got up from the couch. "Sure, OK I'll see you both tomorrow." After all the goodbyes, both the EXs got out. Andrew was left alone in the living room with Kevin. 'Perfect.' "Andrew?" he heard Kevin calling. He turned around to face him. "We need to talk." They did. He knew that, but now? 'Damn it.' "Yeah, yeah we do." Andrew conceded, seating once more next to Kevin. "OK well" You could tell Kevin was nervous by the way he was talking "I'll get to the point, i think we had, both of us, together, two moments in Paris. I mean, look, i don't know... its... I like you. That's it. I don't even want to ask myself why i do if i am not attracted to other guys, but i am to you, and i like you." Andrew had heard it, Kevin liked him, that sounded so good, but even though life isn't all drama, it wasn't easy either. "Kev, i cant." They were silent for what felt like 5 minutes, just looking at each other until Kevin started getting up. "Kevin wait" Andrew started hopeful. "Screw you" he heard in a cold tone. That hurt. "I cant believe you, what was that about liking me on the plane? were you just fucking toying with me? Stringing the confused band member? What about those moments i know you felt them too, and now you give me this shit. "i cant"? What is that?" By this time Kevin was yelling. "Just let me explain..." It was no use, Kevin wouldn't. "NO! OK, I'll just get the fuck out of here. I thought you were decent, now i find you to be a backstabbing son of a bitch." and we that he stormed out of the living room and out of the apartment. Andrew fell to his knees and just looked at where Kevin had been standing just a few minutes ago. This time he kept his promise. He didn't cry. No. This was not his fault. Kevin wouldn't let him explain. 'Just move on Andrew' he told himself. But how? Tommy was looking over Nick who was sleeping on his bed, again. They had to talk he knew. But what was there to say? Did he want a relationship? Yes. Did he know if he could go through with one? No. He just didn't want to hurt Nick. Things with his parents were still rocky, and he didn't want to add Nick to the mix if it was going to hurt the man. He heard Kevin shouting from living room, but what he was saying prevented him from getting up and beating the crap out of him for yelling to his uncle. Kevin was hurting, he could tell. He just didn't want the same for Nick. He looked at the singer again. He looked so peaceful. No he didn't want to hurt him. He should talk to Andrew first, to see what he thought about this. Yes that's it, he needed advice. The day had come and gone, and came again. Andrew knew his nephew and Nick had slept together, again, but they looked happy, under the circumstances, so he thought they were dealing with it, at least better than he and Kevin had. They finished breakfast, all 3 of them together on the dinning room, like a family, Andrew missed meals like those. After getting ready they called a cab and went to the East Village, it was time to open a letter. They got to Alicia's quickly, and everyone was already there, well, everyone except Kevin. Andrew's heart broke a little more. 'He hates me.' "Hello Jazz" His mother came to him and hugged. All of the Archer family and guests were seated on Alicia's big living room. "Did you bring the letter?" "Of course ma." Andrew said rolling his eyes. "Andrew!" His father scolded. "Sorry ma!" his mother just smiled at him and went to her seat next to her husband. They were all there. Alicia was seating next to Rick who looked perfect like always. His mother was on the other side of him followed by his father. Then the Archer couple looking as good as always. Howie, Brian and A.J. were next to his brother. A.J. had the newborn on his lap, sleeping with Brian looking at him. Finally Tommy and Nick, both looking uncomfortable. "OK, well, i have here with me" Andrew started, 'might as well just go on with it' "a letter written by Sarah, to me." He opened the envelope, unfolded the piece of paper and looked at the letter. The handwriting... 'Oh Sarah.' "OK, well" he started again before he could back out "I'll just read." "Jazz Hey Andrew, its me, the crazy one. I know we haven't talked in like forever, but i have to talk to you now. Things are ruff. I guess i really screwed up my life. I'm scared Jazz, I'm alone and I'm scared. Not for me but for the baby. I remember i once asked mom where your nickname had come from, because i was sure it had been her that had given it to you. I was so jealous. But no. It was Mathew. She told me that one time, you were singing along with an Ella Fitzgerald song, like you did all the time, and Mathew just called you Jazz. You were like 5 years old, and when you heard the nickname you giggled. I wish i could remember that. I remember though, the only time i met Ben. He was one year old, and he kept giggling all the time. I looked at you that day, and even though you had just broken up with Alicia, i knew you where in heaven. You two are so alike Jazz, you and Ben. He is so lucky to have you. I love you so much Andrew, and i wish i could have done all differently, but at the same time, i don't think i would take life on my wish even if it was offered to me. Confusing isn't it? But i know you understand, you're a father. I'm worried for this child Jazz, Sven cant take care of him, its a boy by the way, a boy. I love Sven, call it text book, call it what you will, but i love him, despite everything. But he cant take care of him, i wont let him. I need you Jazz, i am not well. I need to know this baby will be safe, and i know he will be if he is with you, you were always the strong one, even if you don't know it. Dad really under appreciates you. When you came out i was so afraid he would stop talking to you. I still am surprised he didn't, i don't know if it was Ben that did it, but whatever it was i am grateful. Jazz, i miss you, i needed you so much all this time and i never called. I'm so sorry. I love you more than anything Andy. I always liked that one too, Andy, Alicia used to call you that. Take care of him Jazz, please, he is my life. Love Sarah" He finished reading, and was surprised he wasn't crying. After folding the letter and closing the envelope he looked around the room. His mother was smiling at him faintly and Ben was asleep in her lap. A.J. caught his attention. He was crying silently looking at the newborn. 'I cant just seat here and say nothing, OK Andrew she knew you were strong you'll just have to prove here right.' "OK, well, we have to discuss what comes now, because Sven isn't even a legal American, mom has with her custody papers that one of us has to sign to father this child, one of us of the family of course. Now, i want Sarah, to remain the legal mother even though she is no longer with us" 'Damn that is hard to say' "So we just need a father." "Well honey" His mother interrupted "Sarah wanted you to take care of him, you should be the father." Andrew quietly pondered it. He was going to nod his agreement when he noticed A.J. getting up, he had given the baby to Brian and without a word was making his way to the kitchen. For a few seconds Andrew just looked at the kitchen door, until he finally made up his mind. "Excuse me for a minute will you." With that he went through the door after A.J.. He found him seating on the tiled floor, sobbing. "A.J.?" Before he could come much closer A.J. extended one arm to signal him to stop. "Please just go OK?" "No Alex, you've been like this since the hospital, please talk to me?" "SHE DIED!" A.J. started getting agitated "How do you want me to be?" "I know she died Alex, she was my sister." Andrew said in a calm tone. "Alex, please look at me." A.J. slowly lifted his head and looked at Andrew crouching there in front of him. "I need you to tell me what happened between the time you got Sarah at Gard du Nord and the hospital." A.J. just looked at him, tears streaming down his face. "Please Alex. I need to know." Andrew pleaded. A.J. took a deep breath. "OK" he said slowly "when i found her she was a mess. I knew she was pregnant as soon as i looked at her. She was desperate and i just panicked. I dint know what to do. I got a call from Brian, at that exact moment saying that they had given up looking for Nick and that they were at the Hotel, i just hung up on him and did what i thought was best. I took Sarah to the limo and we started making way back to Le Meriden. She was so scared Andrew, she kept repeating all your pet names over and over, and suddenly she stopped, i thought she had died Andrew, right there in my arms." Andrew could see that this was consuming A.J., tentatively he sat next to the man and wrapped one arm around his waste, immediately A.J. grabbed him and buried his head on Andrew's neck. "I was so scared Andrew, but then her eyes got big and for a minute she calmed down. She wasn't panicked or rambling, she was calm and in control. She looked at me and smiled. She smiled. Then she called my name, A.J.. She recognized me Andrew, she looked at me and said my name, and before she went back to the panicked state, she said, A.J. take care of him , please. I know she meant her son, i just know man, she looked so hopeful. Then she just went back to panic until she finally passed out. On our room we got her to awake up wile we waited for the ambulance, and the rest you know. We got to the hospital as soon as possible after that Andrew i swear." Andrew just kept hugging A.J.. He was thinking. They stayed like that for awhile, until A.J. pushed back to look at Andrew. "Do you hate me?" A.J.s question took him by surprise but he knew the answer. "No Alex i don't, i never did." They came out of the kitchen a few minutes after that. People could still see that A.J. was obviously disturbed. Andrew just put a hand on his shoulders and motioned for him to take his seat next to his friends. It was time to make a decision. He looked at the newborn, so innocently sleeping on Brian's lap. 'I'm so sorry you didn't get to know her' he thought 'you would have loved her.' "Andy?" Alicia called looking at him like everyone else. "I've reached a decision" he started saying looking at his mother's eyes, he needed her to trust him "A.J. will be the father." For a moment everyone stood quiet. He was still looking at his mom, he knew she was the one to convince. He had thought it through. It had been Sarah's last wish even after the letter. She had trusted A.J., it was time for him to trust him too. Amber Archer finally smiled at his son, and Andrew knew he had done the right thing. 'She does know everything.' but he didn't contemplate the thought in his head for long, because he was soon being hugged by A.J.. He didn't say anything. He had just gotten up and hugged him. Over the singers shoulder, Andrew smiled at his mother. Yes it was time to trust Sarah. They were back at Andrew's apartment, after A.J. sign the papers the singers, Tommy, Alicia and Rick, went with Andrew back to his place. A.J. was still on cloud nine always hugging the newborn that would wake up from time to time to make his presence known. They were all seating on the living room looking at the new father and son. A.J. was happy you could tell. Nick, that had been silently smiling a minute ago, stood up then, and waled out of the room towards Tommy's with everyone wondering what was up. But Andrew knew. And so did everyone. He looked at A.J. and just made eye contact. Alex at first did nothing. Then slowly, he stood up, crossed the few steps between couches and gave the newborn to Andrew who just smiled. He then walked out of the room after Nick. "We still have to name him." Brian said out of the blue. Andrew had actually forgotten about that With all that had happened. "Well" he found himself saying before he could stop "just as long as we don't name him Kevin." Alicia immediately looked at him. She had been suspicious why Kevin hadn't been there. Now she knew why. Andrew had said "no". She knew. She knew Andrew too well. Andrew looked up after the silence he had created and locked eyes with Rick. 'Perfection.' "I don't know what happened, but i can tell you Kevin wasn't himself yesterday when he reached our Hotel." Howie voiced. "Forget i mentioned it, there's no point on even talking about it." Andrew just wanted to drop it. "Well than let me just say this" Andrew turned to Brian who was talking, it seemed, in a way that said, just listen "I know my cousin, and i know he can be a bit stubborn sometimes, but out of the five of us, he is the more stable, so if something happened, whatever it was, just give him another chance at listening in a few days OK? I am telling you, he just cant control his emotions sometimes." Andrew nodded, but he knew there was no way he was going to go look for him soon. "By the way" Howie added "To change the subject a little, we were all invited to a party here in New York. When MTV realized we were here and with free time, they invited us. It should be cool, you guys want to come?" "That depends" Said Andrew in his father mode "can Tommy get in?" "Don't worry" Howie was smiling "Half the artists I'm sure are under 18." Well that settled it. "OK, i could use a party, its been forever since my last." "Ben's second birthday" Alicia said with a smile. Andrew just looked at her and smiled back. 'Ah yes, perfection.' "Nick?" A.J. called entering the room he knew to be Tommy's. Nick quietly stood in the midle of it. "What Alex?" A.J. cringed at the tone, it was just a sad one. "Forgive me Nicky" That did it. Nick turned and faced the bandmate. "WHY? Why Alex? I dont get it, help me understand. Are you homophobic or not? Because i dont think you are, so if not, then why the hell did you put me through that?" A.J. looked at the ground. He knew he had to confess if he wanted Nick to still be his friend. "Because Nicky" he started saying with a small voice "I was just unhappy." He had said it with such a defeated tone that Nick calmed down. "A.J. that is not an explanation." "I know OK? But you seemed so happy, even being gay, and i was so miserable, i guess i was jealous, jealous of the fact that you could make your life work even discovering such a big thing about yourself, and i couldn't even find a date because i am to fucked up." A.J. slowly fell to the floor against the side of the bed and put his knees against his chest with his arms wrapped around them. Nick didn't know what to say. SO he didn't say anything. He dropped to the floor next to his friend and hugged for a while. "You know i love you don't you?" "Yes" A.J. responded with a grateful tone. "Then come on" Nick said starting to get up, and pulling A.J. with him "We are here for you Alex, just talk to us OK? Specially now, you have son!" A.J.s face immediately light up at the mention of the newborn. "Yes, he said smiling, yes i do." ____________________________________________________________________________ OK time to stop. I want to thank everyone that wrote to me about this story. Its my first and i really appreciate the comments. Any comments can be send to gridlinked@gmail.com All the best Mike