Date: Mon, 24 Apr 2000 10:00:44 -0700 (PDT) From: Wesley Cook Subject: Past Reflections 4 Author's Note: Hey you guys and gals, sorry for keeping you so long on this installment. I have had some bad times lately but everything is good now. Now that is taken care of I want you guys to know that NIFTY has soul right at posting this material and that if you want to post this story any where else you MUST get permission from me. It's just good manners. Now on to the thank you's. I want to thank Dennis he has been there when I was down and just helped me out a lot. Also I want to than Rod H. he has been there every time I needed him. I know you are a good ways from me but man thanks you helped me keep going. Also Aspire man where have you been I miss you. And all of you that have sent responses to me on the story. Legal Stuff: Okay you guys and gals know that this is just a fantasy which means it is not real. This story doesn't imply that any of the BSB are gay mainly Kevin. So if you are not old enough to read sexually explicit material then leave. Also if you have a prob. reading about homosexuality then leave. Also a reminder about the songs don't do something with them that could someone in trouble. Now I like to get e-mail so please let me know what you guys and gals think. You can reach me at wesleym2@yahoo.com. Now on with the story. **Previously** "I'm sorry sir but you are allowed in here you have to wait over there with the other fans." "I'm not a fan I work for the Backstreet Boys and I am sponsoring this tour so if you don't let me in you will be looking for a new job in less than a few hours." He looked at me and began laughing at me. That wasn't a very smart move on his behalf. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed the hotel management and explained the situation. After I hung up the head manager came out and escorted me in along with the guard. "I'm very sorry Mr. Cook It seems that our security needs to learn some manners. I had checked with the records and it shows that you are staying here with the BSB. What I don't know is why the person here," he said pointing to the guard," didn't check with the front desk first." "That's fine I just want to go upstairs and get some rest. So if you will excuse me I will be going." With that I headed to the elevators and saw Kevin standing there waiting on me. "What took so long babe?" "The guard didn't believe me so I had to call the hotel management to straighten things out." He just smiled and shook his head. We stepped into the elevator and we headed upstairs. The doors opened and we headed to his room which was to become our room. We walked in and Kevin went to the stereo and pushed a CD in and pushed pause. "Babe listen to this song and know that no body comes close to you and that I love you with all my heart." When we turn out the lights The two of us alone together Something's just not right But girl you know that I would never Ever let anothers touch, come between the two of us 'Cause no one else will ever take your place No one else comes close to you No one makes me feel the way you do You're so special girl to me And you'll always be eternally Every time I hold you near You always say the words I love to hear Girl with just a touch you can do so much No one else comes close And when I wake up to The touch of your head on my shoulder You're my dream come true, oh yeah Girl you know I'll always treasure Every kiss and everyday I'll love you girl in every way And I always will, 'cause in my eyes Oh baby No one else comes close to you No one makes me feel the way you do You're so special girl to me And you'll always be eternally Every time I hold you near You always say the words I love to hear Girl with just a touch you can do so much Girl, can't you see No one else comes close to you No one makes me feel the way you do You're so special girl to me And you'll always be eternally Every time I hold you near You always say the words I love to hear Girl with just a touch you can do so much Girl, can't you see No one else comes close Damn I was being held by Kevin as the song ended. Some how Kevin knew when and what to say or do that would make my love for him grow more. **Back To Present** "You know Kevin, that through all the trials we went through I thinks that one was one of the hardest ones. It killed me to have to tell you what I did." I said to Kevin as I began to cry. To this day it hurt still knowing that I almost lost the one thing that meant the most to me. "I know babe but if I remember correctly though it was in Chicago that we ..." **And Now** July 7,2000 just a day before I was going to be 22 years old. The guys were busy with rehearsals for their concert on my birth day. I hadn't seen much of Kevin or any of the boys because of rehearsals but that was to be expected. I was sitting in the hotel room relaxing when Kevin came in with Brian and Nick. They were laughing and joking around not realizing I was in the room. Kevin grabbed some clothes and left the room with them. I let a tear fall down my face. He has done this since we got back from Texarkana. It's like they forget I'm even there. None of them talk to me or anything. I needed to talk with some one then I remembered Rod. It had been several months since I spoke with him. I pulled up my phone book on my lap top and found his number. Ring..Ring..Ring..Rin "Hello.." "Hey Rod how are ya?" "Mark, wow it's been a while, I'm fine you?" "Okay I guess..." I let a tear roll down my face because I wasn't fine. "Mark I know there is something wrong now what is it?" "Well let me tell you the whole story... About month or two back Jason was killed in a car accident. I was with him in the car. I hadn't known he was dead till two days after the accident. I was in the hospital for small problems but they wanted to watch me. After the news I quit eating and talking. The only food I got was from the I.V. they had in my arm. Well eventually I started to eat again and I was improving so they let me go home. Well one day the Backstreet Boys showed up at my home. Dennis had some how aranged for Jason's favorite boy band to visit me. Well to make a long story short I am in love with and dating one of the BSB. But a few days ago he and the group decided to leave me in New York and go to Chicago alone. I called him and he told me that he didn't want to discuss it right then and hung up. We made up and I'm back with them and now they are acting like I'm not even here and he doesn't even talk to me. I'm hurt Rod, I don't know what to do?" I broke down crying hard. "Mark, there's nothing you can really do to make them see you and talk to you. All I can say is just hold in there and maybe they will come around." "Okay...the main reason I called you was to see if you would like to be the assistant road manager for this tour?" "Sure I'm not doing anything here so I'll do it." "Great I'll fax you everything you need to know and I'll arrange for a flight here asap. I'll call you later with the info on that. I guess I'll go for now Rod. Talk with you later." "Okay be good" "I will bye." "Bye." I hung up and just stared out of the window. Crying silently. Kevin will be in shortly and most likely they will go clubbing. I decided to go out and be by myself. I wrote a note for Kevin letting him know that I would be back and if he needed me to call my cell phone. Before I left I called the airport and arranged for Rod's flight here. I then sent him the info via fax. I grabbed my cell and headed out the door. I got in the elevator and pushed the 1st floor button. As I was leaving the hotel I saw the guys eating at the hotels dinner. None of them saw me so I continued on. I headed to the park thinking it would be peacefull. **At The Park** I had finally reached the park. It was a good size but not to big or too small. There was a small pond in the center of the park with a walking track around it. There were several people there just walking leizurly. I found a bench next to the waters edge and sat down. I watched as people walked by some had their love with them some didn't. As I watched those love birds walk in the park I realized that I would never have that. I would never be able to walk in public with Kevin. It didn't bother me because society isn't ready for that. "Hi there..." I looked over and saw this blonde man standing next to the bench. "May I sit here?" He was very cute, and his eyes. "Oh... yes I'm sorry I was just thinking of somethings." I smiled at him. "That's okay I'm like that quite often. Is this your first time here?" "Yeah, I'm here on a job for a couple of days." "Oh so you won't be staying for too long? Can I ask what your doing for this job?" "It's not really a job I'm sponsering a group and I decided to travel with them." I looked over at him his smile was awsome. "I'm sorry I didn't catch your name? Mine is Mark Cook." "Oh I'm sorry I'm James Bass." I shook his hand. "Do you live here?" "No I'm here with four of my friends. We decided to take a group vacation thing. They decided to go shopping I wanted to come to the park. So I'm here." "That's cool." I kept noticing he was kind of with drawn and timid. "Are you okay, your seem like your ready to split any second." "Oh... sorry it's just..." Before he could finish some yelled. "OH MY GOD THAT'S LANCE OF NSYNC" Needless to say it was time to leave. "Follow me James." I said as we took off. We ran out of the park with a crowd in tow. "If we can make it to the hotel we'll be fine." A few minutes later we were in the loby of the hotel. The crowd that was following us was held back by security. "So now I know why you were like you were. Don't worry I'm with the Backstreet Boys so I'm not gonna go crazy on you." With that he smiled. **In The Dinner** "What's all that commotion?" Nick asked. He got up and looked and saw two people run into the lobby. He knew both of them. Kevin and the guys turned around to see what was going on and they saw Mark and Lance Bass of NSYNC smiling with Lances hand on Mark's shoulder. "What the FUCk is going on?" Howie said. Kevin didn't like the looks of things. He stood and watched as Mark and Lance walked over to the elevators and got on. Kevin then left the table and headed up stairs. Howie and the rest in tow. **Upstairs** "Hey Lance you can call the guys from my room and let them know what happened. I can arrange for transpertation back to your hotel." "Okay, sorry for not telling you the truth about me." Lance was looking down at his feet. "It's okay you weren't sure if I would go crazy like those people did down stairs. To tell you the truth I really don't listen to the type of music you and the BSB sing. Not since..." I stopped and turned away from him. I brought up some bad memories. Lance touched my shoulder. My body was shaking with sobs. He pulled me into a hug. "Shhh...it's okay let it out." Just as he finished Kevin walked in. What he saw wasn't what he took it to be. "YOU FUCKING SLUT!!!" I wasn't sure who he was talking to, me or Lance or both. I tried to speak. "Kevin it's not..." He hit me. Everything just stopped. My hand was on my face. I looked at the guys and saw looks of shock. I looked over at Kevin and saw nothing but disgust. I straighten up and looked right into his face. I could see fire, my veins were burning. I pulled back let go. The next thing I know is Brian grabbing me and pulling me back. "Mark don't it isn't going to help." I was still fighting to get free but he wouldn't let go. He just held me until I began to cool down. When I did I began to cry silently. I stodd up and went into the bed room where me and Kevin slept. I started to pack my things. Brian came in and was trying to get me to stop and talk to him. I wouldn't listen so he forced me to sit down. I just sat there for a few minutes and then told him what had happened. **The Main Room** "What the fuck do you think you are doing Kevin?" Shouted A.J. "You just hit your boyfriend." When Kevin heard that he lost all color. "Oh my God, I've lost him." Was all he said as he went to the floor. Lance spoke up. "Kevin We were chased from the park here and Mark said I could call the guys and let them know what happened and he was going to arrange for me to get back to my hotel." He stopped for a moment and continued. "He told me that he doesn't listen to the type of music NSYNC and BSB sing ever since what ever and he broke down crying from heart ache. I was trying to calm him down. I don't know what happened in the past that he won't listen to the music anymore but what ever it is, is tearing him up. He told me about how he thought you guys had just seemed to forget he was here and that the one person he held dear wouldn't even speak to him. I didn't know who he was talking about until just a few moments ago." This didn't help Kevin but the others felt hurt and like they just lost a best friend. "Kevin if Mark is your boyfriend and you love him them you need to go and let him know and try to get forgivness for what you just did, or you may lose the one thing that could make you happy." With that Lance left to call a limo down stairs. "How am I going to make this up to him A.J., I'm scared of losing him but I may have lost him all because I didn't trust him and I hit him for it." "Kevin..." Every one looked up and saw me standing in the door way. "I do love you and I forgive you but you hurt me and that is going to be there for a long time. You are not going to lose me but I think it is time for us to have some time apart. What I'm saying is that I am going to be staying in Brian's room for the rest of the time we are here in Chicago. After that I don't know but I think we need to step back and look and see where we are at before we continue." I picked up my bags and walked up to Kevin. I sat them down and helped him up. I kissed him and then left following Brian. "Mark... please don't." I just continued to the door but Brian stopped and wouldn't move. "Mark listen to Kevin please." Brian said. I knodded and turned to face Kevin. I saw him get up and come over to me. He took my hand and began to sing. It's not that I can't live without you It's just that I don't even want to try Every night I dream about you Ever since the day we said goodbye If I wasn't such a fool Right now I'd be holding you There's nothin' that I wouldn't do Baby if I only knew The words to say The road to take To find a way back to your heart What can I do To get to you And find a way back to your heart I don't know how it got so crazy But I'll do anything to set things right 'Cause your love is so amazing Baby you're the best thing in my life Let me prove my love is real And made you feel the way I feel I promise I would give the world If only you would tell me girl The words to say The road to take To find a way back to your heart What can I do To get to you And find a way back to your heart Give me one more chance, To give my love to you (give you my love, give you my love) 'Cause no one on this earth loves you like I do, Tell me The words to say The road to take To find a way back to your heart What can I do To get to you And find a way back to your heart I turn back time To make you mine And find a way back to your heart I beg and plead Fall to my knees To find a way back to your heart The words to say The road to take To find a way back to your heart What can I do To get to you And find a way back to your heart Kevin had tears running down his face. Tears were running down mine to. "Mark please I'm sorry, I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for making you feel the way you do. Help me to love you the way you need to be loved." I took him into my arms and held him. "Kevin I do love and I won't leave you but you have to promise to think before you act and to get the story before you judge." "I promise..." As if by magic I heard the song. The visions around you brings tears to your eyes and all that surrounds you are secrets and lies. I'll be your strength. I'll be your hope, keeping your faith when its gone. The one you should call I'm standing here all alone. I will take you in my arms, and hold you right where you belong, till the day my life is through this I promise you, this I promise you I've loved you forever in lifetimes before. and I promise you never will you hurt anymore. I give you my word. I give you my heart. This is a battle we've won. and by this vow forever has now begun Just to look into your eyes and see you right here with me. I know that this feeling wont go away Till the day my life is through this I promise you. Every word I say is true this I promise you ooh I promise you When the song ended I felt Kevin shudder. I knew he was tired and so I lead him to our room and got him undressed and in the bed. I stripped down and crawled in next to him and soon we both were asleep. **Concert** "Hi everybody, you ready to rock!!!" The crowd went wild. The first song they did was Larger Than Life. The guys were doing good tonight. "Okay peeps we have a very special person with us he is this tour's sponser and our main road manager please welcome Mr. Mark Cook." Kevin said. I walked out on stage and was recieved very well. "Today is Mark's 22cd birthday so let's sing happy birthday to him and to every one else that has a birthday today." They did and I was turning red. After they finished I was hugged by all the guys and I left the stage. The concert was about over by now. I listened and the next song was Anywhere For You. Finally the concert was over and the guys headed off stage. Then back to the hotel. "Kevin thanks for what you did out there." I said as I kissed him. "Oh that ain't all I have for you." He said smiling He opened the door and stepped inside. I looked around and there were candels every where with soft music playing. There even was some food on the table for us. "Happy birthday babe." I looked up at him and kissed him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we continued to kiss. Some how he got the door closed and we made it over to the bed with out breaking the kiss. He broke the kiss and laid me on the bed. He pulled his shirt off and tosed next to the closet. I pulled mine off and he took it and tossed it. He leaned down and began to kiss me very passionately. I managed to undo his pants and slide them down with his boxers. He stepped out of them and again broke the kiss. He undid my pants and soon we were both nude. He climbed up ontop of me and he began his assault on my neck and chest. "Kevin make love to me?" "Okay my love. I Love You" I pulled my legs up to give him acess to my hole. He grabbed some lotion off of the night stand and put it on his raging hard on. I felt him put some on my hole for extra lubrication. He leaned down and kissed me as he entered my hole. It hurt at first but it was soon replaced by pleasure. He was slowly pumping my ass and kissing my on my neck and chest. "I...love...love you Kev..Kevin" I moaned out. "I'm..heh heh..getting close babe" He said between pants. I could feel a growing sensation deep in my loins. The friction between me and Kevin was bringing me to the point of no return. "Me..Too babe.." "Here it comes babe...oh..oh.. ugh..oh yeah oh yeah oh I Love You Mark umm." I felt him shoot in me and that caused me to cross over. "Kevin.. oh Kev... oh umm" I finally quite shooting and I was still shaking. "You okay babe?" "Yeah it's just it was so...so." "I know what you mean let's get some rest okay babe." "Okay I love you." "I love you too." I listened to a song that was playing and it fit the moment. it was by Creed "Higher" When dreaming I'm guided through another world Time and time again At sunrise I fight to stay asleep 'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place 'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape From the life I live when I'm awake So let's go there Let's make our escape Come on, let's go there Let's ask can we stay? Can you take me higher? To the place where blind men see Can you take me higher? To the place with golden streets Although I would like our world to change It helps me to appreciate Those nights and those dreams But, my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights If I could make the Earth and my dreams the same The only difference is To let love replace all our hate So let's go there Let's make our escape Come on, let's go there Let's ask can we stay? Up high I feel like I'm alive for the very first time Up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams And make them mine And when it was done the last song that was programed into the cd player was Sonique's "It Feels So Good" You always make me smile, when I'm feeling down You give me such a vibe, I still live on a fire hmm It's not the way you walk and it ain't the way you talk It ain't the job you got that keeps me satisfied Your love it feels so good And that's what takes me high Higher than I've been before Your love it keeps me alive Thought I should let you know When you touch me it means so much When I'm alone I cry It's you I'm always thinking of, Oohh oh baby Won't you understand, how I feel (yeah) deep inside Uh huh, you make me feel, what I need to feel (yes) In my heart Your love it feels so good And that's what takes me high Higher than I've been before Your love it keeps me alive Thought I should let you know When you touch me it means so much Whem I'm alone I cry It's you I'm always thinking of, Oohh oh baby Your love it feels so good And that's what takes me high Higher than I've been before Your love it keeps me alive Thought I should let you know When you touch me it means so much Whem I'm alone I cry It's you I'm always thinking of, Oohh oh baby Your love it feels so good And that's what takes me high Higher than I've been before Your love it keeps me alive Thought I should let you know When you touch me it means so much Whem I'm alone I cry It's you I'm always thinking of, Oohh oh baby Finally we both went to sleep listening to that song. I awoke with Kevin still in my arms. I smiled because it had been a while since that had happened. I felt the need to relieve some pressure on my kidneys so I got up and went to the bathroom. I took care of my business and then went to take care of my wild head of hair. "OH SHIT!!!" I yelled. That of course woke Kevin up. "What is it babe?" He said as he entered the bathroom. When he looked in the mirror he turned white and I mean white. Even his dick. Oh Kevin sleeps nude. "Oh babe I'm so so so so sorry." He began to cry. I turned to him and pulled him into a hug. "Babe it's gonna be okay, I forgave and all so don't worry I just didn't think it would be that bad. I have to go to the air port and pick up Rod so we can leave here in a few hours. I Love You Kevin, oh and Kevin call it a love wound, okay." He smile remembering our fun the night before. I usheredhim out and got cleaned up and dressed. An hour later I was at the airport waiting on Rod. "Flight 287 from Vanburen to Chicago has arrived at gate 23a." The announcer said. That's Rod's flight. I made sure I had my sunglasses on and went to meet him. I got to the luggage return and waited. "Hey Rod, how are ya?" I said as he walked up to the luggage return. "Mark, is that you?" "Yeah, you don't recognize me?" "Not with the sunglasses on." "I tell you about that later but right now we need to get back to the hotel so we can leave in a few hours. You up to a four or five hour buss trip?" "Yeah as long as I get to sit next to one of the guys." He said with a wink. I just shook my head and headed to the limo. "Okay now tell me why you need sunglasses in the early morning?" I turned to him and took them off. "Oh SHIT!!" He said really pissed, "Who did it?" I hung my head not wanting to answer. "Come on Mark tell me or I will find out as soon as I get there." "Kevin." I said in a low voice. "My boyfriend." "Kevin hit you and you still call him your boyfriend. Damn." I knew that he was not a happy camper. "Promise me that you won't hurt him when we get there or afterward. He is hurting enough. You should have seen him this morning when he saw what it did. He almost passed out from hurt. He hurts aslong as I hurt. Everytime I turn around he is saying he is sorry for what he did. So please don't hurt him?" "We'll see hope that I cool down before we get there." "Well you better do it fast cuz we are pulling into the parking lot now." That limo stopped under the pavilion and we got out. I told the driver to take the luggage to the buss and hve it put on there. Then we headed up to meet the guys. Once I was in the elevator I took the sunglasses off and rubbed my for head. I had a slight head ache forming. Nothing new, I have had them for a while. "Another headache Mark?" "Yeah, I'll be okay I'll take some exdrine and it wil go away." "You need to get that seen about." "I know I just don't have the time right now. I go to a doctor at out next city." "Okay if you want I will go with you." "Thanks I don't want Kevin to know just yet or untill I find out what it is." After that the doors opened and we head to the main room mine and Kevin's room. When we reached the door I could hear yelling. "No Howie he didn't deserve what I did to him, it was fucking mistake." Kevin yelled. "Oh yeah right, if you hadn't come up here when you did then he and Lance may have fucked while we were downstairs. All he is is a fucking slut and you think you love him. All he is doing Kevin is using you to get more money and fame." Before I could do anything Rod had busted through the door and headed right for Howie. "What the fuck..." "YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT." With that he hit Howie in the stomach and Howie was on the floor. Just a few seconds later they heard another thump and Brian saw me and yelled. "KEVIN!!! It's MARK" TBC... Hmmm... What happened to Mark? How will the meeting between Rod and the boys turn out? I guess you will have to wait and see. Let me know what you think okay. Bye for now.