Date: Thu, 19 Aug 1999 07:59:00 IST
From: "Nathaniel C." <nathanielstories@hotmail.com>
Subject: question of faith part 4

Thanks to all the people for the wonderful feedback. Toby thanks for
supporting me with these chapters. Your help means a lot to me.  Nifty
thank you all for hosting it.

DISCLAIMER: this is fiction. I don't know if the members of BSB, Nsync and
5ive are gay. I don't have any relationship or connection with the bands,
their management, their families or their recordcompany.  Thank you and
enjoy part 4 Nathaniel


Lexie barged in to the room where the Backstreet Boys were having their
meeting. Kevin softly moaned as he saw the look on her face.

'Hello.' Said Lexie and sat down the only empty chair.

'Lexie, we are waiting for Nick.'

Lexie nodded. 'I know.' Lexie looked at the four men. 'Nick is not doing
the show tonight.'

Brian gasped and got up.

'Brian sit.'

Brian sat down again.

'I know you have already been up to Nick's room.'

'Richie wouldn't let me in.' Said Brian.

'Nick is in a fragile emotional state at the moment. I've asked Justin to
do Nick's parts at the show. And he agreed.'

'Since when are you our manager.' Mumbled Kevin.

Lexie gave him an angry glare. 'I also told Justin you'd help him out with
the dance routines. One of the dancers is helping him now.'

'I think.' Kevin started

. 'You have no right to think. If you thought with your big head last night
instead of your little one you wouldn't be in this mess.' Lexie got up and
walked away.

AJ watched her until the door was closed. 'That is my kind of woman.'

Brian looked at Kevin. 'Apparently the whole world knows about you and
Nick.'

Kevin shook his head. 'Just Lexie and Glenn. But I never told Glenn Nick's
name.'

'Glenn?' Echoed Howie and AJ.

'He was the guy I was with last night.'

Brian opened his mouth to say something but Kevin stopped him. 'I didn't
sleep with him. We talked all night.' Kevin stood up and walked to the
window. 'I also think that I know what is wrong with Nick.' A single tear
slid down his cheek. 'I think Nick may have HIV.' Kevin heard the three
other men gasp.

'But Nick told me you were his first and they are so careful in hospitals
these days.'

Kevin turned around. 'I was Nick's first but Nick wasn't my first. If Nick
has HIV I am the person that gave it to him.'

AJ sighed. 'I can see the headlines now. Backstreet Boys duo die of AIDS.'

Brian smacked AJ over the head. 'This is not funny AJ.'

Brian looked at Kevin. 'Did you get tested? And did you get Nick tested?'

Kevin shook his head. 'I didn't and you need Nick's permission to do that.'

Howie looked at Kevin. 'But you are not sick. Why should you have it both?'

Kevin sat down and buried his head in his hands. 'I have no idea. All I
know is that if I have HIV I am responsible for Nick being sick.'

Brian wrapped an arm around his cousin's trembling shoulders. 'We'll get
you tested first.'

Kevin nodded.

AJ and Howie got up. 'We'll go to the stadium and get Justin dancing for
tonight.'

Brian waited until they had left. 'Kevin why do you suddenly think Nick
might have HIV?'

Kevin lifted his head. 'I was talking to Glenn last night about how I felt
about Nick and my fears. Suddenly he asked me if Nick was HIV
positive. This morning I spend a hour online doing some research and he has
some symptoms.'

Kevin looked at Brian with fear in his eyes.

'I don't want him to die.' He softly whispered.



That night the show didn't go too well. Justin had troubles remembering all
the dance moves and he forgot some lines. Kevin sighed. It was his entire
fault. Kevin could only think of Nick lying in his bed. The jealous feeling
grew as he thought of Richie sitting by his side. AJ and Howie hardly spoke
a word to him. This went on for a few weeks. Each time Kevin tried to get
close to Nick, Richie or Lexie would be there to stop him. Nick was back
performing, completely ignoring Kevin on stage. At interviews Nick sat with
Brian as far away from Kevin as possible. Kevin barely heard the woman chat
to the other guys. His eyes were fixed on Nick. He looked a bit better. He
had managed to get some information on Nick from JC. JC told him that Lexie
gave Nick some herbal stuff to drink and that made Nick feel a bit better
and less tired. Nick occasionally glanced at Kevin but when he saw Kevin
was looking at him too he would turn his head. Suddenly everyone stood
up. Kevin looked confused.

'Photo shoot.' Whispered Howie.

Kevin followed him to the other side of the building. After changing in the
clothes the photographer brought with him they started with the photo
shoot. The photographer shot some groups pics and than moved on to the
individual ones. Kevin forced himself to smile but all he managed was a
slight grin. The photographer loved it.

'Okay, the magazine asked me for some shots of Kevin and Nick.'

Nick's head snapped up. 'Why from us?'

'The readers requested it.'

Kevin closed his eyes waiting for the objections of Nick but there came
none. When he opened his eyes Nick was standing next to him. '

Now.' Said the photographer. 'Move a bit closer. You're not total
strangers.'

Nick stepped closer to Kevin and Kevin could feel the young man's
bodyheat. He swallowed hard. It felt good to be so close to Nick.

'Kevin wrap your arm casually around Nick.'

Kevin raised his arm and draped it around Nick's shoulders. He could feel
Nick trembling. Subconsciously Nick scooted a bit closer to Kevin. The
photographer took his pic unaware of the tension in the room.

'Now Kevin sit in front of Nick and Nick sit close to Kevin. I am going to
darken the room a bit for effect.'

Kevin sat down and Nick sat behind him on a covered crate. He rested his
arms on Kevin's shoulders and the photographer smiled. These pics were so
great. Kevin closed his eyes and leaned back.

Nick froze and sat up straight. 'Are we done?' He asked the photographer,
not seeing the pain on Kevin's face.

The man nodded and Nick instantly jumped up. Kevin rubbed his face. This
was going to be harder that he thought. Maybe it would be a wise decision
if he left the band. Nick wouldn't have to see him all the time and maybe
Nick could forgive him in the end.



Kevin brooded over his decision to leave the band. He was making an
imaginary list in his head. Leaving meant no more hurting Nick or torturing
himself. Staying meant seeing Nick everyday and torturing him self. The
phone interrupted his thoughts.

'Hello?'

No one answered.

'Hello?' Asked Kevin again.

'Do you remember how you used to sing me to sleep when I was sick.'
Whispered Nick on the other end.

'Yes I do.' Kevin bit his lip not to scream.

'Do you think you can sing to me now on the phone?'

Kevin's heart broke hearing Nick talk to him. He let out a single sob. 'God
Nick, I miss you.' But the only answer he got was the operator asking if he
wanted to make another call. He rolled on his stomach and started
crying. He tried so hard to make up for a mistake he didn't make and he had
no energy left to try again. He muffled the first cry in his pillow but he
couldn't stop them anymore. His whole body shook with his withheld pain and
grief. A hand brushed through his hair. Touching him on his shoulder,
slowly turning him on his back. Kevin covered his face with his hands. He
didn't want anyone to see the pain he was in.

'Kevin.' A soft voice said close to his ear. 'Stop crying please.'

Kevin shook his head. He couldn't stop. He had pushed it away for too
long. He felt that he was lifted up and his head was pushed against a hard
chest.

Shh, I am here now.'

Kevin took a deep breath inhaling the scent he had missed for so
long. 'Nick?' He whispered.

'I am right here.'

Kevin slowly wrapped his arms around Nick pulling him close. Nick started
to rock back and forth trying to comfort Kevin. Nick rubbed his back
whispering sweet words of comfort in Kevin's ear. Finally Kevin stopped
crying. Nick lifted his chin.

'I had a strange phone call an hour ago. This guy called me to say that I
was the luckiest man on earth and that I shouldn't doubt you.'

'G.G..Glenn?' Stuttered Kevin.

Nick nodded. 'He told me that nothing happened that night part from a
kiss. He also told me you were scared.'

Nick kissed Kevin, sucking softly on his lip.

'You don't have to be scared.' Said Nick.

Kevin pulled him close for another kiss. Kevin's tongue slid inside and
explored Nick's mouth.

Nick softly moaned. 'I missed this.' He said breathless.

Kevin looked at him. 'Nick I have every reason to be scared. I don't want
to loose you again.'

Nick pushed him back on the bed and snuggled on top of him. 'I am not going
anywhere now.'

Kevin took a deep breath and expressed his deepest fear. 'I think you might
have HIV, Nick.'



Nick opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. Kevin saw
several emotions wash over his face. Nick looked at him. 'But if I have it
you should have it too.' Nick said in a small voice. 'And I am the only one
that is sick.'

Kevin closed his eyes. 'If you have it I am the one who gave it to you.'

Nick shook his head. 'No, I'm not HIV positive.'

Kevin opened his eyes and looked at him. He lifted his hand and touched the
young man's face. 'I'm sorry.'

Nick placed his hand over Kevin's. 'Don't be. I love you.'

Kevin started crying again. Nick rested his head on Kevin's chest. 'We'll
work something out. I'll get tested. And you should do that too.'

Kevin wrapped his arms around Nick. 'I am never going to hurt you again. I
promise that.'



The door of his room slowly opened and two heads popped around the door.

 'Is everything okay here now?'

Nick turned his head and smiled at Lexie and Richie. 'Yeah, we are fine.'

Lexie smiled and pulled Richie back into the corridor.

Nick turned back to Kevin. 'I need to tell you something.'

Kevin looked at Nick. He saw pain in his eyes.

'I wanted to kill myself Kevin. I had the bottle of painkillers in my
hand. Richie was there in time. If he hadn't heard me sob I wouldn't be
here now.' Silent tears ran down Nick's cheek. 'I hated you and I hated
myself. I was weak.'

Kevin wiped his tears away. 'I'm so sorry that I made you do something like
that. I wish that night never happened. That I stayed in like you asked me
to.' Nick leant in for a kiss. Kevin sucked his tongue in his mouth.

'No.' Said Nick. 'Let me love you now.'

Nick's hands moved to the buttons of Kevin's shirt. He kissed every little
piece of skin revealed. Kevin closed his eyes and laced his fingers through
Nick's hair. Nick licked Kevin's nipple. Slowly grating it with his
teeth. Kevin drew in a deep breath. One of Nick's hands moved down to the
zipper of Kevin's leather pants. The other rubbed the other nipple until
the little bud was rock hard and sensitive. Nick moved his head to the
nipple. His warm breath was enough for Kevin to thrust his hips in the
arm. Nick chuckled. Nick tugged down Kevin's leather pants and tossed them
on the floor. Kevin's erection trembled through the silk fabric of his
boxers. Nick slid one hand in side the waistband and brushed past it. Kevin
softly moaned. Nick ripped the boxers of Kevin's body. He bent down and
licked the pre-cum of the head. Nick started to massage Kevin's soft balls,
paying lots of attention to the sensitive spot between his balls and the
base of his cock. Kevin grabbed the sheet with both hands.

'God Nick.' He managed to say.

Nick took Kevin completely in his mouth, licking him up and down. In a
teasingly slowly rhythm he moved his mouth up and down Kevin's cock. Kevin
tossed his head from side to side. Nick started to move in the same frantic
rhythm as Kevin's hips. Kevin let out a deep groan and shot his load deep
in Nick's throat. Nick continued to suck him until Kevin pulled him close
for a kiss. He could taste him self on Nick's tongue.

Breathing heavily he whispered: 'I love you.'

Nick smiled and snuggled close behind Kevin. Nick's hand covered Kevin's
heart. The feeling of his lover's heartbeat send Nick in a peaceful sleep.

If you like it tell me please Nathanielstories@hotmail.com