Chapter 15

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You know, a warm body beside you makes a massive change in how you sleep. I think this is one of the most comfortable sleeps I ever have in my life. The only thing missing prolly is that the person that's lying beside me is not Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys. Coz JC is not Brian. Not now, not tomorrow... not ever.

I opened my eyes and looked at JC still wrapped around me. Is this really the right thing for me? I know in my mind and heart that I am still in love with Brian but honestly; I am very attracted with JC. Who wouldn't? JC is very charming, handsome, and very passionate. Actually, it's pretty similar with Brian's. Wait a minute.

Do I just see JC as a mere replacement of Brian in my life? I always look for Brian's aura around me, which is warm and very loving. But don't get me wrong; JC emits a distinct one as well. I feel very secured when I'm with JC. It's like no one can harm me when JC is around. And another thing, am I back at square one?

My relationship with Brian "failed" or whatever you call it, because he was a pop star and I'm just a mere sound engineer/music director as how my demented mind place it. And here I am wrapped around another pop star. I mean how can I work this out? Like I said earlier, Brian and I lived in different worlds; and that's the same with JC. How on earth do I get into these kinds of things?

"You awake already?" JC broke my train of thought. I looked at his mesmerizing blue eyes. It was a different shade of blue compared to Brian. JC's eyes were deeper like there is a bottomless pit in those eyes. I smiled at him and gave him a peck on the lips. "I thought that this was a dream." JC said to me and cuddled closer to me if that's even possible.

"Nope! As real as you and me." I said to him coolly to not let JC see my dilemmas. "So, how will your day go for today?" I asked. I just hope that there's not much because tomorrow is my last day before I return to the Backstreet Boys' tour... and to face Brian again. I hope the others won't change. 

Get real. They'll prolly see me as the person who broke Brian's heart. I'm the bad guy now. I just hope that they'll just fire me. Or what if they won't and make my life hell. Bad thoughts. Bad thoughts.

"Um, I think we'll just have a photo shoot for the day and then we are free until 5pm, then we move to the next location." JC informed me. I guess it's not too busy. "I'll rather lay here with you and get to know you better." JC said to me with a little pout forming on his lips. Aaw, isn't that cute?

"I know Jayce, but this is your job. You have to do it." I said to him. I think that sounds so familiar, did I mention that already before. Oh yeah, with Brian. Again, my mind shifts to Brian. If I want this relationship to work, I have to focus on JC and JC alone. No Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys who has those cute little eyes and very big nostrils. No more Brian thoughts.

JC sighed and scooted away from me to the bathroom. "I'm gonna go to my room. I'll just meet you wherever we'll have breakfast." I said to him while picking up my clothes on the floor. I heard something but I couldn't understand it. Anyway, I was dressing up as fast as possible to get to my room as fast as possible. I dunno if JC wants this out or not but just to be safe. I walked to my room hurriedly but quietly but as I opened my door, Justin's door opened and Nick came out.

"Where did you come from?" Nick asked me quizzically. Marty, think fast. Think fast! 

"Um, I just walked around to see the sights." I said to him nervously. I didn't wait for him to answer and just entered my room and closed the door behind me. Too close. 

I stripped off my clothes to be ready for one good bath. Under the warm spray of the water, my mind wandered again. The first thing I thought about was Brian. How was he really at this time? I hope that he stopped hurting anymore. I hope he doesn't hate me. 

JC. Where do you place in my little world? Can we really work out a relationship knowing that we came from past relationships wherein we still love our ex's? Not only that, JC is a pop star. 

I thought of many things that could justify this relationship. Maybe not working with JC closely would be a better situation. When I'm with Brian, I also work there. More chances of us to be seen together which I don't want to happen. I don't want to make his career suffer. So, I guess this choice is good. That's it Marty, be optimistic. 

I need someone to talk to that is out of the circle of the 'pop world'. And I know the perfect guy for it. I turned off the water and took the towel at the counter to dry myself off hurriedly. We still have breakfast. I walked out of the bathroom and to the phone to dial Rich's number.

It rang once. Twice. Thrice. "Hello?" Someone answered. Rich.

"Hi Rich! Marty here!" I said to him sounding very chirpily as possible.

"Marty! You one big asshole! You didn't tell me that you're affiliated with the Backstreet Boys and NSYNC! I almost creamed my pants when I saw them on our front door!" Rich screamed at me. I pulled away the phone from my ear to not go deaf after his tirade.

"Well, it just didn't come up." I said to him sheepishly. I know it was mean of me and I'm feeling guilty already. But it was still a perfect Kodak moment.

"Didn't come up! If I didn't know you, I would have believed you! But knowing you, you just thought it would be fun to see my mouth drop when something like this comes up." Rich continued ranting. But I wasn't amused anymore. I was hurt. So, breaking up with my boyfriend is just a "something". I know I am just being too oversensitive but I guess it's still a sore part for me.

I tried to shrug off the feeling of hurt with Rich's words, but who am I kidding. "Well, I just wanna say 'hi' to you. I'll see you around." I said to him and quickly replaced the handset back. There goes the person who isn't part of the pop world. I rummaged through my bag looking for something to wear when one object made me freeze. Mobile phone. 

I haven't paid any attention with my phone since I left Lexington. It just reminds me too much of Brian. Reality check. I do have to face it. I took the phone and dialed my voice mailbox. "You have 5 new messages." The voice said to me.

The first message began to play but there was nothing. Only silence and a heavy breathing. I have a gut feeling that this is Brian. Then the person hangs up the phone. The second message was the same but with a faint sob. I was beginning to tear up. I could feel the pain from Brian even just through the silence. How could I do this to Brian?

The third message began to play. "Martin? Please talk to me. I still love you." It was that plain and simple but it hit me hard. I could feel the despair in Brian's voice. And knowing that it was all my doing isn't helping that much.

"Martin, this is Kevin. What happened between the two of you? Where are you? Brian just keeps on crying. Aunt Jackie and Uncle Harold don't know what to do anymore with him. Call me and help me here." Kevin said. Maybe he still doesn't know the whole story. Actually, I am expecting the worst once I return but I have to talk to them.

The last message began to play. It was at first silence but I could hear a heavy breathing. It wasn't that of sadness but of anger. "Fuck. You. I can't believe you did that to my brother. Don't you ever show your face again to me or to any member of my family if you know what's good for you. I hope you die and rot in hell where you belong damn faggot." That was it. I was crying at my bed still naked. I never heard the door open. I just felt the touch on my bare shoulder. 

I looked at the person who touched me. Nick. I can see that he has a lot of questions in mind in my current situation but he remained his silence and tried to be there supporting me in that moment. I like that about Nick. He knows how to give me time. 

I dropped my mobile phone in front of him as I cried more and that's the last thing I remember before I drifted to sleep.

When I woke up, I couldn't hear anything but I felt someone beside me. I opened my eyes and it was JC. I smiled seeing him snuggled close to me. Then, the voices of Brian and Brian's brother echoed through my mind. The tears appeared again. I tried to stop it but I just can't. The anger in Brian's brother's voice and the pain in Brian's voice were haunting me. 

I could feel JC's grasp tighten and when I looked at him, his eyes were open and looking at me. "Please stop crying. I hate seeing you this sad." JC said to me. God knows how hard I tried but I just keep on hearing Harold's and Brian's voices in my mind. 

"It's so hard. Brian's voice was filled with so much pain. And I know that I was the one who caused it." I cried. "I think his brother was right. I should be dead and rot in hell."

"Don't you ever say that again!" JC snapped. JC looked at me seriously as tears began to form in his eyes. I could feel the love already in his eyes. I hugged him tighter and drifted off to sleep again. 

I know it wasn't too long until I opened my eyes again. "Why won't the voices stop?" I said out of exasperation. JC wasn't there anymore. I was alone on the bed but not alone in the room. Nick was there watching me.

"Marty, Harold didn't mean..." Nick started.

"Didn't mean to say that I should be dead and rot in hell? Didn't mean to say that I am the one who is causing pain to his brother? Didn't mean to say that I am a damn faggot! Nick, they're all true. He's just stating facts here, not lies." I shouted at him. Nick approached me.

"Marty, he doesn't know the complete story. He doesn't know that his parents told you to break up with Brian. He doesn't know that you thought that this was the best fro Brian. He doesn't know anything." Nick tried to uplift my feelings. But he's not helping. I still feel like shit. That's what I am... a piece of shit.

"Yeah whatever." I said to him to just finish that conversation. I know it was heating up already and finishing it would be a wise idea. "Where's Josh?" I asked him trying to change the subject but a poor choice. Now he's gonna ask more questions. 

"They have a photo shoot. Actually, they have to drag him out of your room because he didn't want to leave your side. So I volunteered my service." Nick said with a cheesy grin. "I see that you two are extremely close these days." Nick joked.

"Yeah. We are trying to help each other fight our demons. Me with Brian and him with Justin." I think I already said so much and shutting my mouth would be a very good idea at this moment. "Can we eat? I'm so famished." I said as I stood up from the bed.

"Don't you think that dressing up is a better idea first?" Nick said to me. What did he mean? I looked at myself and I was naked like the day I was born. What more can I do? I blushed furiously and tried to cover myself with my hands. "C'mon! I've seen everything. And there's nothing to be ashamed of." Nick said with a suggestive grin. I guess he's right. There's nothing to be ashamed of. God, I feel so conceited. So I walked to my suitcase to pick something comfortable.

Mental note, pack out your things. Living in a suitcase isn't really advisable. 

After I was dressed up, we walked to the café of the hotel. It wasn't filled up that much giving Nick the privacy that he needs and the peace for me. But I doubt that Nick would let me pass without mentioning anything. We ordered our food and ate. We just ate in silence at first but Nick kept glancing at me so why wait the inevitable. "Ask." I said to him simply while I stuffed my mouth with pasta.

"Answer me honestly, are you and JC together?" Nick asked bluntly. 

"Yeah." I said to him casually. "I know you have lots of questions about our relationship and I'm gonna explain it. I know you're thinking if this is real or a rebound and the answer is I don't know. JC and I decided to let it flourish. If we fall in love, that's great for the both of us. If we don't, then at least we knew that we tried." I explained to him our relationship.

"What will you say to Brian?" Nick inquired. Bluntly... again.

"I don't know. I don't even know if he's gonna talk to me after what happened. I don't even know how the others will react once they see me." I told Nick my worries. Brian isn't just the main problem here, the other 3 members of Backstreet Boys is another.

"I don't think they'll hate you for this." Nick tried to uplift my spirits. And again, I'm not impressed.

"Nick, let's be realistic. I hurt one of your brothers and all they know is that I broke Brian's heart and maybe thinking that I just used him to just get a job. After I have the contract, I let him go." I said.

"Come on! The guys will understand." Nick said to me. I just rolled my eyes and stuffed my mouth again with pasta.

"You know what my greatest worry returning back? Being your music director." I said to Nick. Nick's face scrunched from confusion. "I might be playing what if's but knowing the guys from my short stay. I know they won't let me go coz they blame for what happened to Brian and would make my life hell as possible." I told him finally. It has been eating me for the last couple of days after I left. "Don't pretend Nick. I know you know them good enough and they're capable of such." I interjected. Nick didn't say anything... he knows that I'm right.

After we have eaten, in silence this time, we have a little argument on who was gonna pay for the tab but he won it. I just gave him a pout. "C'mon! Don't do this to me. You can pay next time." Nick said to me that I smiled at. "What are we gonna do?" 

"Come with me to the mall." I said to him. He just looked at me incredulously. "You have your disguise, use them. I wanna do some little shopping." I said to him with a grin. 

I'm not gonna go with the details of our little escapade in the mall because it was very uneventful and the little shopping earlier on, I don't think it was that little. We have raided almost all shops there and I bought a neat keyboard that I can hook up in my computer so I can play some when I feel bored and be productive at the same time. During the entirety of our little escapade, the two of us never talked about our relationships. It was just two friends having fun. And it was truly rejuvenating in a way because I was emotionally high. 

When we arrived in front of the hotel, I called Justin's phone. "Justin's phone!" Justin shouted from the phone.

"Do you need to shout?" I asked him. He just giggled and I rolled my eyes. "Are you in hotel already?" I inquired.

"Yeah! We just arrived. Where are you?" Justin asked me. I could hear the others chattering from the background.

"Go downstairs and help us bring ALL of these bags upstairs. Nick and I can't carry them by ourselves. If you can ask Josh for help as well, that would be wonderful." I said to him.

"You didn't tell me you went shopping." Justin whined.

"Shut up and just get your ass here." I said to him with mock anger. I hung up the phone and paid the cab for our fare. We brought the mass of bags plus the keyboards to the lobby of the hotel where I saw Josh and Justin chatting. When they saw us fumbling with the bags, they rushed to us.

"What did you do in the mall? Raid it?" Josh said while picking up some of the bags that were falling to the ground.

"Of course not. We just didn't notice the amount of bags we have." I said to him with a cheesy grin on my face. We rode the elevator with just the three of us. It was actually a good thing coz there was so little space. "Josh, I bought you lots of stuff. I hope you like it." I said to him thoughtfully.

"Awww... you don't have to. Thanks anyway." Josh cooed and gave me a peck on the cheek. My eyes shifted to the other two guys in the elevator, which are Justin and Nick. Nick wasn't shocked at all but Justin's mouth was opened prolly in shock.

"Josh, you have told them?" I asked Josh. He just shrugged. I turned to Justin. "I guess now, you know." I told him with a weak smile.

"You... you two... are... together?" Justin stuttered. The two us just nodded. "This is too much. I'm getting a headache." Justin said while rubbing his temples.

EMAIL ME!!! pseud0nym@edsamail.com.ph