Chapter 26

EMAIL ME!!! yr_ry_@hotmail.com

As the plane lifted off the airport, my mind kept on replaying my last conversation with Brian. He has asked me to be together once more but I turned him down. Instead, I tried to extend my "singleship" for a longer time and celebrate in our platonic relationship. Is this what I really wanted? I know for a fact that I am in love with Brian but why did I refuse him?

I can see my reflection by the window of the plane. I have changed. I have changed a lot since Brian and I met in Alfred's cafe. I'm just not sure if my reformation was a good or bad thing. I hope that it's good because it's been the best time of my life. I still can't get why last night I refused Brian? Why? 

Deep down inside my mind, I know the answer but I can't be that type of person. That is just not me. I wanted him to feel what I felt when he broke it off with me. Even though that it was a 'mutual breakup', it was him who started him. Maybe... I wanted him to be hurt. I can't believe I ever thought of that. I deliberately hurt the person I love the most in my whole life. This was the recurring thought that plagued me until I heard the PA announce our landing. "Alex, we're gonna land soon." I nudged at Alex who's sleeping beside me.

"Already?" Alex fixed himself from the seat and buckled his seatbelt. "You alright? You look a little sad." He commented. Am I really that transparent?

"This is nothing." I tried to shrug it off but again the thought that I hurt Brian entered my mind. I can't believe it. He did that in good intention but what did I do? I retaliated. God, I feel so stupid! After a few minutes, the plane landed and the two of us went to get our baggage. And it was a big one from all the shopping we did with Nick and AJ. I guess Alex and I are really brothers... same passion for shopping.

Once all our bags were gathered, I called Rich's cell phone. "Rich, where are you?" I asked when he answered while trying to search him through the sea of people in the airport. 

"I just parked. Traffic is bad, really bad. I'm coming up in a while." Rich said and hung up. Alex and I sat on a little cafe in the airport to wait for Rich.

"Mart, what's going on? I know that you're not okay." Alex spoke up. I looked at him and smiled weakly. "You miss him." He stated. All I can do was nod. "Then why don't you call him?" Alex asked.

"I can't." I said softly trying to stop the tears from falling. "We talked last night." I paused trying to gather my self before I continue. "He wanted to be with me again last night but I turned him down." I said to Alex. I looked at my hands trying to decipher the intricate patterns of my fingerprints.

"I see." Alex said plainly. I don't know what was Alex's reaction because I wasn't looking at him. "You love him right?" He asked. I nodded 'yes'. "Then, why?" He asked again.

"I dunno." I mumbled trying to deny the truth.

"Bullshit." Alex stated. I didn't hear from Alex after that because I saw Rich already walking to our direction.

"Sorry for being late. Traffic was bad." Rich apologized. I wanted to say thank you to him arriving already but he was late so it was also his fault that Alex and I were having this talk. 

"It's okay." I just said. "Rich this is Alex, my younger brother. Alex, this is Rich, my best friend." I introduced them to each other. The two shook each other's hand and said a 'hello'. With Alex's tone, I know that he was really pissed off or something. I feel like the younger brother here being scolded by my older brother. 

"Come on! Let's go. The car is parked outside." Rich told us. The two of us gathered our things and with the three of us, we struggled to go to the car with Rich animatedly talking to us. I wasn't in the mood coz of the sad feeling I had and Alex was quiet because of his irritation towards me. Finally, we reached the car and loaded our things. Good thing that it fit. "What did you two do? Buy the whole mall?" Rich joked but we weren't really in the mood.

Rich went to the driver's seat and we drove off to my house. True to what Rich said, traffic was really bad. We were caught in a traffic jam and we were moving so slow for about 10 minutes already. My phone began to ring. I looked at the caller ID and it was Nick. "Hey Nicky!" I answered.

"Hey Marty! You two landed safe?" He asked me. Nick, always the friend.

"Yep but we are caught in traffic right now." I told him. "How about you? How's everything?" I asked him.

"We're still waiting for the flight to be called. It got delayed or something like that." Nick said casually. He's so carefree. I admire him for that sometimes. "So what are you gonna do now that you're not in tour with us?" He asked.

"I have no idea. I'll prolly go back to Alfred's cafe if he's gonna accept me." I told him. It was really my plan. Alfred did say that he's gonna take me when I wanted to go back to work there. Maybe I'll take him up with the offer.

"But you'll be back on tour with us, right?" Nick said half-asking and half-stating.

"I dunno." I mumbled on the phone. "I'll tell you later." I said to him not wanting to tell him right now.

"I'll take that." Nick said to me. "For now." He added. 

"Change of topic." I stated not wanting to get serious with this stuff. "You gonna join up with your boyfriends?" I asked him.

"Of course! I haven't seen them for a long time already and the phone doesn't do wonders you know. I missed them so much." Nick said. And talking about missing someone, I am missing Brian already. Even if we were just friends, we were still like together. We had loads of fun. We are just like a couple without the sleeping together and the cheesiness part. Nick, Justin and JC took that part. If you can just hear them talk on the phone.

"I know how you feel." I said to him absentmindedly. "I'll talk with you later okay? My batt is nearly empty." I cut him off. If I know Nick, he would be pushing me again and I don't want that right now especially that he doesn't know that Brian wants to be with me and I told him that I didn't want it. I'll just get a big scolding from a guy 5 years younger than me. Alex is enough.

"Okay. We'll talk later." Again, Nick stated like there couldn't be anyone who can contest him. That's just something that I'm not looking forward with. The two of us said our goodbyes and we hung up the phone. When I looked at the two guys in the car with me, I know that they were eavesdropping. Good thing that there wasn't any substantial stuff that we talked about, for now. But later.

It took us around 45 minutes before we reached my house. In a usual day, it takes only 15 minutes to reach the airport but today. God! 30 frigging minutes in traffic. We parked the car in the garage and we took our bags inside the house. The house looks very nice. Again, Rich really did his job in maintaining it very well. "You still wanna stay in the house?" I asked Rich once we placed the last set of bags by the door.

"If you still wanna take me." Rich answered meekly.

"Of course I do! When did I said 'no' to you?" I said to him with a smile on my face. It's good to be back home. I guess touring really makes you miss the simplest things in the world. I'm dying to lay on my very own comfy bed. 

Rich just nodded at me and smiled as well. I picked some of my bags and brought it up to my room to unpack. The room was still the same. I guess Rich didn't really touch my room like I told him. I picked up the handset of the telephone to call Justin. I dunno why but I just got the feeling that I wanted to talk to him. His cell phone rang 3 times before someone answered. "Timberlake's phone." Voiced someone that I know wasn't Justin.

"Can I talk to Justin?" I said on the phone.

"He's not here. This Marty?" He asked.

"JC?" I said hesitantly but I think it was really JC.

"Yep!" Josh answered excitedly. "Justin's taking a shower right now before we head out to somewhere. How are you?" He asked.

"Just got home. Backstreet's tour ended yesterday so I'm back at home." I told him as I sorted the clothes that I had. Rich knocked at my door and when I opened it he carried in my other bags. I mouthed a 'thank you' and he walked out of the room. "How are you two?" I asked.

"We're coping. It's not complete without Nick here. I hope Nick goes here. I really miss him." JC told me. I bit my tongue not wanting to say something again like 'I know what you mean' because he's gonna talk about how perfect Brian and I are together... again. 

"I think he's heading there but I'm not sure." I said. Why on earth did I call them again? "Just wanna say 'hi' and everything!" I told JC uneasily having the need to end the call as soon as possible.

"Are you okay Marty?" He asked me a little bit worried. 

"Me? Everything is fine." I replied with a weak laugh. I guess I am not really okay then. 

"Who are you fooling?" JC asked. "You know that I'll just listen to you." He added encouraging me to open up.

"Brian wanted to be back with me." I mumbled. JC prolly sensed that there's a "but" after that coz he just maintained his silence. "But I said 'no' and I feel so stupid to do that to him. I mean I am still in love with him and everything and when there's a chance that we can be together again, I have to be stubborn about that." I said angrily about myself. 

"Realizing your fault is a very good step." JC noted to me. "The next is facing him." He added and that's what I was dreading. I dunno if I can face Brian again. I feel so shitty with what I pulled with him.

"I'm not sure I can see him after what I did." I told JC as I laid myself on the bed. "You should have seen him when I told him that I don't wanna be with him. It was like he was so broken and I don't think I can bear to see him in that state again." I said near the point of bursting into tears already.

"See, you're being stubborn again." Josh stated the obvious. I know that confronting Brian is the only way to end all of this but I am afraid in facing him. "Just follow your heart coz it will always lead you to the right way." Josh advised me. Isn't he like the Dalai Lama? Always giving enlightening stuff.

"Thanks Josh. I know that I can always count on you." I said to JC.

"By the way, you doing anything important while there's no Backstreet tour?" JC inquired.

"Nope. Why?" I asked back.

"Well, the guys were thinking if you wanna join the NSYNC tour." JC answered to me. NSYNC tour?

"How many dates remaining?" I asked him thinking about the offer.

"We still have around close to three weeks of touring." JC informed me.

"I think that would be a great idea. When will I start?" I asked him a little excited. Musically, I really look up more to NSYNC than Backstreet but you won't hear me say that out loud. I still value my life.

"I'll tell Lance to email you the itinerary of the tour so you can meet us when you're available." JC told me. "It's Marty!" I heard JC say. Maybe Justin's done in the bathroom.

"Hi Marty!" I heard Justin shout.

"Josh, um, can I bring someone in tour? I'll pay for him. I just want him to be close with me." I asked JC.

"You don't have to pay anything. You can bring Alex." JC told me. "Nick told us already about your brother." JC added that answered the questions in my mind.

"What's happenin?" I heard Justin ask.

"Martin is joining the tour." JC answered Justin.

"That's cool!" Justin said. "I can't wait to hear his stuff and everything."

"I'll cut this short now so I can pack all the things that I've unpacked." I said with a laugh.

"Okay Martin. See you in tour! Bye bye bye!" JC said with a chuckle and I ended the phone call. 

"Alex, we're leaving again!" I hollered once I placed the phone on the table beside my bed. I can hear some shuffling and Alex was there in front of my door with a questioning look. "I've been recruited by the NSYNC camp so we'll be there for around 3 weeks touring. That okay?" I said to Alex.

"This is so cool! I can't believe I'm gonna meet NSYNC. I have to look good and everything." He continued to babble as he left my room. I have to stifle a chuckle. Oh well...

I thought that I could bum around a little at home but I guess the world needs me, so to speak. I know that I could have said 'no' to JC but I guess I have grown accustomed to this life. Hiding from the world does not satisfy me anymore. I have seen it through the Backstreet tour and I wanna see more. And, it would take my mind off some things. Is it?

"Rich, we're gonna leave again!" I bellowed as I walked down the flight of stairs. Rich came out of the kitchen wiping his hands with a towel looking at me quizzically.

"Where are you going now?" Rich asked me.

"NSYNC tour." I answered.

"You're gonna work for the rival group?" Rich exclaimed at me. I just looked at him weirdly coz I know that he's aware that there's no rivalry with the two groups, um, anymore. I mean he saw Justin and Nick together. "Just pulling you leg there." Rich smiled at me. "When are you leaving?" He asked.

"Prolly Monday or Tuesday. Lance is gonna email me their schedule so I'll just see where Alex and I can fit in." I replied. 

"Okay." Rich smiled at me. "Can you call your brother? I've finished lunch so we can go eat now and I still have tons of things to tell you." Rich told me. I just nodded and went to Alex's room to call him for lunch. When I entered the room, Alex closed the door and it was just me and Alex. I guess this isn't really a good idea. 

"Spill now?" Alex asked crossing his arms.

"What do you want me to say?" I answered weakly. 

"Tell me why you didn't go back with Brian." Alex stated. I walked to the bed and sat there trying to compose my thoughts but they are still in disarray.

"I want him to feel what I felt." I said softly. I could imagine Alex's face contort into one of confusion. "I want him to feel the rejection. I want him to feel the pain when he wanted to break it off with me. I dunno why but I wanted him to feel it. I know that's a cruel thing to do but everything was so spontaneous last night and it just came out like that. I wish I can turn back time to take back what I said." I told him sadly.

"God!" Alex shouted. "You better fix this up, Marty. Fix. This. Up." Alex told me. I know that he's mad with what I've done. Who wouldn't be? I mean, what I did was so selfish and so bad that I can't even fathom how I ever did it.

"I dunno how." I whispered softly as I looked at him. His face was a little bit flushed with anger but his face softened when our eyes me.

"Why don't you call him?" Alex said in a calmer way. I just looked at him blankly.

"I just don't think that it would be right for me to just call him with this. If we're gonna talk. I wanna do it face-to-face." I answered him.

"Then go to him." Alex told me. "I'll fix everything up here. Why don't you call JC and I'll take care of the rest. You call Kevin and ask them where Brian will go and then reserve the next plane ride out of here." Alex said with a smile on his face. "Everything will be all right, you'll see." Alex embraced me.

"LUNCH!!!" Rich shouted.

"I guess that's our call time. Let's eat first and then we'll just deal with all of this later." Alex told me. I just nodded and we went down to the kitchen to finally eat. We're actually hungry already.

EMAIL ME!!! yr_ry_@hotmail.com