Chapter 9

EMAIL ME!!! pseud0nym@edsamail.com.ph

I was settled in one of the chairs in the big stadium listening religiously to what Jack, the sound engineer for the tour, was talking about while the others were practicing for their concert later on. He was telling me the things that I would be working on being the assistant sound engineer for the tour but I know that it's gonna be temporary and I'll be the musical director of the tour after the present music director's term ends. 

I just can't believe that this is all happening to me. First, I was just this dorky guy in a small computer café and now, I have a pop star as a boyfriend, five new friends and new outlook in life. Plus, I have a good job in this big tour. It was just so surreal like everything is just a dream.

"I'm gonna get you!" Someone shouted and I saw a running Justin being chased by a soaked Nick. I rolled my eyes with the two and chuckled a bit. The two has settled their differences and it appears that the two have bonded. A new friendship. The memory of the other four Backstreet Boys entering Justin's room the next day after the incident when the three of us sleeping always makes me smile. The four of them shrieked seeing the three of us spooning each other. Well, after the little comic moment, they expressed their apologies to Justin who was confused as hell with the screaming and everything but I think he got what the Backstreet guys were talking about... I hope.

"Did you get it?" Jack's voice interrupted my little reverie. What did he say? I just nodded affirmatively and hoped for the best that I have listened enough before my little stroll to memory lanes. "I'll see you later okay?" He said and walked away from me. I walked to the stage closer to hear the others in sound check. Nick was still soaked with water and was giving the death stare to Justin. Kids and their practical jokes. I sat beside Justin who was listening to them with a grin pasted on his face.

"They're really good." Justin said to me that made me chuckle. Justin smiled and listened to the five of them singing. The tune of the song struck me and I knew the song. It was one of my favorite songs that they sung... Drowning.

Don't pretend you're sorry
I know you're not
You know you got the power
To make me weak inside
Girl you leave me breathless
But it's okay 'cause
You are my survival
Now hear me say
I can't imagine life
Without your love
Even forever don't seem
Like long enough

'Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love

Maybe I'm a drifter
Late at night
'Cause I long for the safety
Of flowing freely
In your arms
I don't need another lover
It's not for me
'Cause only you can save me
Oh can't you see
I can't imagine life
Without your love
And even forever don't seem
Like long enough

'Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love

Go on and pull me under
Cover me with dreams, yeah
Love me mouth to mouth now
You know I can't resist
'Cause you're the air
That I breathe

Everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
And baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning your love

Baby I can't help it
Keep me drowning
In your love
I keep drowning
In your love
Baby I can't help it
Can't help it no, no

'Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love

The outpour of emotions when they belted out the notes was so intense and with Brian staring at me lovingly wasn't helping. A few drops of tears escaped my eyes. I mouthed 'I love you' to Brian, which he returned with a loving smile.

"Man, you're definitely in love!" Justin said to me patting me at the back. "That song is so fine. Just gave me an idea on a song I'm trying to make." Justin added. That surprised me. He writes song?

"You can write songs?" I asked to him quizzically. Justin looked at me with shock.

"Of course silly! I have 9 songs in Celebrity. You definitely need to have our album." Justin exclaimed to me. "I think it's better than theirs." Justin added sotto voce that made me bellow in laughter. The five looked at me confused and just shrugged it off while I try to cover my mouth.

"Can I help? I'm so bored here staring them sing their songs over and over again." I said to him. Justin's eyes were gleaming with joy. "I think that's a yes." I said with him with a smile. I gestured to the guys that Justin and I would be gonna be away and they just nodded.

We walked to backstage looking for a musical instrument of some sort that we can use. I saw Jack. "Hey Jack, can I borrow any instrument of some sort. Justin and I are gonna work on a song and looking at those five repeat their songs isn't really exciting." I said to him. Jack smiled. He prolly knows the arduous task of hearing them repeatedly.

"There's a keyboard here somewhere. I think you can use that." Jack said and entered a room. After a few minutes, he came out with a keyboard on his hand. We took it from him and went to a side of the stage to start working on Justin's song. 

Once we were settled, I started to play a tune that was repeating on my mind for quite some time but with everything happening, it was impossible for me to lay it down. "Wow, that was good!" Justin chimed. I blushed a couple shades of red because no one heard my compositions except when I was still in college with my music production degree.

"Okay, now that I cleared that out of my mind. Let's get on with your song." I said to Justin who just nodded. Justin gave me the tune and it was a nice tune. It has a sad tone and I think that it was about JC. I tried to play it on the keyboard, and after a few tries I played it adding a few improvisations. We worked on it for God knows how long but we finished it. 

"That's so amazing! I think we work better than when me with Wade." Justin said. I eyed him quizzically. Who on earth is Wade? "Oh, Wade is our choreographer but he and I worked with lots of tracks in the album. You've heard Pop?" Justin asked me. Pop was a good song indeed. So they sang that. I nodded. "Me and Wade made that." Justin said proudly. I guess he's really proud of his work.

"Justin! Marty!" Someone shouted from our back. We looked at the source of the sound and saw Brian and Nick walking to us with grins on their faces. Uh-oh. I have a bad feeling with those big grins. Something is up.

"What's going on?" I asked them. Brian and Nick just looked each other and giggled like the teenyboppers in their concerts. Something is really up. What on earth is going on? I looked at Justin who looked as confused as I was.

"Nothing. We're gonna get dinner before the concert. You two coming?" Nick asked. I am famished. Work really drains the life out of you. Justin's eyes sparkled upon hearing the word 'dinner'. I just can't understand pop stars and their big appetite.

"Sure." I said for the both of us. I unplugged the keyboard and carried it to where we are going. Actually, we just lounge in a sort of 'green room' but it's not green. Why is it called "green room" anyway? 

Different kinds of food where all laid on top of the table. From junk food, to the healthy ones, they're all there. I was beside Brian who was holding a plate for me. I took it and we walked towards the table filled with food. As usual, Brian filled my plate with LOTS of food. I groaned. This is gonna be difficult.

"You have to remain healthy." Brian said as we sat on the little couch and he went on lecturing about eating as much as possible to not be drained or something like that. I got lost when he started talking about ulcers.

The two of us sat in a corner and made a little chat about this and that. Only superficial stuff that wasn't that important. When I looked at Justin, he was having a blast with... Nick. This is interesting. Nick and Justin? I think they would make a good pair. "Don't you think that Nick and Justin would make a good couple?" I asked Brian. Brian looked at the two.

"I think so but do they wanna be a couple?" Brian asked me. Well, I know that they're both gay and they just click. 

"Just look at them. I find it so sweet with their little practical jokes and their little things." I giggled as I observed the two tacitly. They were nudging and touchy. I sighed thinking about love. The same love that I share with Brian.

"I guess so. By the way, you wanna go out later." Brian asked me with those puppy eyes. How can you say no? "You know like on a date?" Brian's gaze locked into mine. I just smiled at him.

"Sure." I said to him lovingly and kissed him on the lips.

"Straight guys in the room!" AJ chimed in. 

The rest of the day went on without a glitch. We parted our ways so we could do what we have to do. Preparations in these concerts are really hard. It looks easy but when you're there and working on it, everything is difficult. For my part, I was enjoying my job as the assistant sound engineer coz I could hear the guys sing in their mikes that have a link to my headset or whatever they call it. It was like my own personal Backstreet Boys concert without all the screams. 

Justin who was beside me all the time was very happy. "I should have gone to their concerts before. They rock!" Justin said to me. 

"Yeah but you could have been insulted by those five. Those are pretty difficult to handle... too stubborn." I said to Justin. "I guess all pop stars are like those." I sighed. Justin nodded. He didn't get it. Four, three, two, one...

"Hey!" Justin said to me and smack on my back. I just grinned at him. 

The two of us walked to the lounge room of whatever they call it. The five were there talking about some stuff about the concert. Once Brian saw me, he smiled at me and patted the empty space beside him which I accepted. Justin on the other hand, went straight to where Nick was. 

"How was your first day in your job?" Brian asked me.

"Well, it was really challenging but having a personal concert was a plus. You sound good in the booth." I said to Brian and gave him a peck on the lips. I was waiting for the side comment but there was none. I guess they're too drowned in their little conversations.

"I know. I could hear you as well." Brian informed me. What on earth is he talking about? "I guess you push something there and your mike on your headset got turned on and voila!" Brian explained. I groaned hearing that. Now, I feel so embarrassed.

"Even the others heard me?" I asked Brian who just nodded. This is really embarrassing. I looked at the other four Backstreet Boys and found that my hand was interesting. I've never been embarrassed in my whole life. Mental note, listen to Jack!

"Don't be embarrassed. Actually, you did well. You have a very good singing voice. I think you're better than me." Brian whispered to me. I blushed.

"You're just saying that!" I said to him.

"Guys, what can you say about Marty awhile ago?" Brian asked the four. I didn't expect that. I tried to not look at the four. I could feel the eyes boring me or is it just my imagination? But it was really uncomfortable. 

I was waiting for the insults to fly but I heard none. I only received praises. As usual, I was blushing so hard. "See I told you." Brian said to me.

"Face it Marty! You're a singer!" Justin chimed in. He's gonna tell. "You should have heard him when we went to a karaoke bar. The crowd cheered more on him than me. I still can't believe that the great Justin Timberlake was outstaged!" Justin added. I threw a pillow on him that was followed by more pillows being thrown to Justin. Ego trip.

The six of us talked more until it was time for us to head to the hotel. We were really having loads of fun; even Kevin who is always on the phone was having fun with all of us. Brian and I broke away from the group to have our little date. I wasn't expecting any fancy dinner or a movie because it was late already. I know what he meant was a time for us together alone like a couple.

We rode a cab to go to the park. The ride was enveloped by a comfortable silence. Once we reached the park, Brian paid the cab and we walked along the trail. The moon was shining bright with stars shimmering. These are the things that I've missed. "Don't you love this?" I asked Brian who was holding my hand.

"What we have or the surroundings?" Brian asked back. I sighed and looked up in the sky. "Oh you mean that? It's just there, nothing extraordinary." Brian said to me. There were so many things that were wrong in those words.

"I guess being a pop star has that effect." I said to him while gazing still up in the sky... being one with nature. I could feel Brian's eyes on me. He's so oblivious. "Brian, look up and gaze at those wonderful shining stars. Don't look at how they sparkle or how they are always there. Feel the serenity that it brings you. It's like in your case, I don't see you as a pop sensation but a person I love and a person that makes me comfortable and secured." I said my piece. It was my little soliloquy but the environment sets me to those moods.

"I never saw it that way. I guess your right. You're always right." Brian said as he embraced me from the back. It was so soothing like at this moment, the world was perfect and nothing would go wrong. It was a feeling like there is no pain and no hatred that lives in the hearts of persons around me. It was just so calm and peaceful.

We walked more and more and discovered more things about each other. It was more on an emotional level not the 'what's your color' type of information but a more profound one. It gave way for me to see Brian in a different light. He wasn't the Backstreet Boy from Lexington but a person who is so tired. I sensed his fatigue of living a life that is unstable and always on the road. Tired of being a Backstreet Boy.

"Do you ever dream of having your very own family?" Brian asked me as we walk back so we could return to the hotel.

"I always have. Even though I know that I'm gay, I still found myself thinking of going home to a husband and a bunch of kids. Family is very important for me. I guess having the fallout with my parents had that effect on me." I said looking back at the final scene in our house before I left... the time I came out. Tears were trying to break free but I was trying to be strong and not let it affect me. It's in the past for God's sake! Why does it still haunt me?

"I'm sorry to bring up that up. I know that your family is a sore spot." Brian apologized to me. The rest of the walk to the outskirts of the park was silent. We hailed a cab and returned to the hotel to have some rest.

Once in the hotel, I just remembered Justin out of nowhere. I guess the moment with him earlier with the song making process made me think twice if Justin was really okay with the breakup with Joshua. "Bri, can we check on Justin?" I asked Brian who agreed. We walked to Justin's door and knocked a few but there was no answer. That's strange and different scenarios were flashing in my mind. I'm not going on to the what-if game. I twisted the knob and it opened.

The next thing I saw blew me away. "Oh my God..." I trailed off. It was not something I expected and gauging Brian's reaction, he didn't expect that either.

EMAIL ME!!! pseud0nym@edsamail.com.ph