Date: Sun, 18 Jun 2000 23:44:14 EDT
From: Papito6187@aol.com
Subject: Rob & Lance 48

Howdy all! Nothin much to say, so I'm just gonna say ON WITH THE SHOW!

Last time . . .

"Are you ok?!" Melissa said putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah . . . I'm fine! I just got up too fast, lost my balance, that's
all!"

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think you should go out there. Lance was right . . ."

"No, I'm fine! Really, if I wasn't able to do it, I wouldn't! Trust me!
I'll be fine!"

"Fine, but if you pass out on stage, I'm gonna kick your ass when you come
to!"

"Deal!"

There was a knock at the door again, and my hair and make-up people, Vicky
and Julie, entered ready to fix me up for show time. Just before they sat
me down in the chair, I quickly stripped down and got into my wardrobe for
the number I was doin with the guys.  Once that was done, I sat in my chair
and got ready. I was done in a matter of 10 minutes, cause it wasn't that
much to do. Melissa walked me to my spot under stage where I was supposed
to pop out of. Just before my cue, I gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek,
and she went off to see the show from the wings.


This time . . .


The way it worked was that the only lights were on the guys, the rest of
the stage was black. Then, the music would start up, and as it was
recognized, I would pop up from under the stage, and the crowd would go
nuts. After the song, I would thank them, and the guys would introduce me
as 'a great friend of theirs', and I would take a bow. Then, we would
introduce the next skit.

"Before Rob goes, we'd like to do something for you all tonight!" Justin
would say, "Although we kinda did a tribute to guy groups a little earlier
in the show, we wanted to again pay tribute to a group that really
influenced us and a lot of other musicians."

Then Josh would pick it up and continue,

"The Jackson family is filled with tremendous talent, and it is with great
honor that we give tribute to them tonight."

"So whatta yah say Rob? Wanna join us?" Joey asks.

"Do I have a choice?" I ask.

"No!" They all say.

"Ok then, let's do it!"

And so, we would commence in doing the skit. Like I said before, that was
one of the most fun parts of the show, other than my set. I loved
performing with the guys, I knew they shared the same feeling of me being
the sixth member of the group in a sense whenever we performed together. I
guess it was cause we had such a strong relationship outside of performing,
that when we did perform together, it just felt right.

After the set with them, I went back to my dressing room with Melissa. I
practically collapsed on the couch as soon as I got in. My body was just so
drained from everything that I really needed to just relax. Melissa was
worried about me, but I assured her that I would be okay. It was kind of
strange, my body was tired, but I wasn't sleepy. You would think that
considering the amount of sleep I had gotten in the last few days, and all
the stuff I'd been doing, I would've been knocked the fuck out! But, I
wasn't.

Once we left the venue and headed back to our hotel, we all gathered in
Joey's room to have our talk. I wasted no time in telling them what had
happened. They all had the same kind of reaction, one of shock, fear, anger
that I didn't tell them earlier, and relief that I was fine. After a few
minutes of varied emotional displays, we moved on to another subject. It
turned out that Lance had had some suspicions about their contract with
Lou.  He said that although they had a little bit of money, that they all
thought that they should, and would be getting more, considering their
popularity and sales of albums and merchandise.

"When did this happen?" I asked.

"Well, truthfully, ever since I was in the hospital, I've looked at
everything in a different light. Now, I asked Josh to ask his uncle to look
over the contracts, and what he told us wasn't very pleasing." Lance said
in a serious tone.

"What happened?"

"We gettin screwed!" Justin said bluntly.

"Basically!" Josh said, nodding in agreement.

"In other words, we're not getting nearly as much money as we should be."
Lance said smiling at the attempt to lighten the mood.

"Do you know how by how much?"

"A WHOLE lot!" Josh said, his eyes widening.

"So what are you gonna do?"

"Well, we've all talked this over, and we're gonna do the only thing we CAN
do!" Lance said looking at each of the guys before telling me their
decision. "We're gonna leave."

"What do you mean leave?"

"As in leave Lou and BMG." Chris said.

"Um . . . ok . . . Affective as of when?"

"As soon as we meet with Johnny and let him know our decision." Josh said.

"Then what?"

"We're free!" Joey said, again trying to lighten the mood.

"Whoa . . . well, it's a pretty risky move, but hey, you gotta do what you
gotta do!"

"Is that all you gotta say?" Lance asked.

"What else do you want me to say? It's not like I can talk you out of this
or anything! I think you're justified one hundred percent! You guys are
getting screwed, and mislead!  Frankly, I think it's about damn time y'all
stood up to those assholes! You don't know how many times I've been wanting
to suggest something like this to you, but didn't feel I had the right to!"

"You should've."

"No, he was right not to. We probably would've stuck up for Lou and gotten
pissed at him." Josh admitted.

"Yeah, you're right."

"See, I know what I'm doing . . . most of the time!" I said laughing.

"So when are you gonna meet with Johnny again?" Melissa asked.

"Next day off. We don't wanna burden him when he got mad shit to do."
Justin said.

"When's that?" I asked.

"When we're in DC. That's when my family is comin out to see us. We're
gonna have to do it before then though." Josh said as Melissa snuggled up
against him.

I noticed Justin look at them, then look away, losing himself in thought. I
couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking, if he was doing okay, if he
was moving on without Jay, or waiting for him to return. There was one
thing that I had concluded, that I didn't want to tell Justin. Jay is very
predictable to me, I've always been able to tell what he was going to
do. Although there were a few times where he just through me off guard, one
being when he told me he was bi/curious and another when he broke up with
Justin. But, for the most part, I've always been able to tell what he was
going to do. And because of everything going on with his mom, I knew that
Jay wasn't going to get back together with Justin. He'd lock away his
"other half" and go back to dating chicks just to please his mom. I think
Justin knows that, but I'm not sure, and I won't be until I get a chance to
talk to him one on one. I figured that now was as good a chance as any,
considering we were all having heart to heart's. So, I told him to come
outside with me on the terrace.  We wound up going back to his room and
sitting out on his terrace, cause it had more room, and it was more
private. Although neither of us didn't have anything to hide from the
others, it just made it easier to talk with just us in the room, or in our
case, within the vicinity of the room.

"So, what's up?" He asked as we sat down, looking out on the lights of the
city.

"Nothin much, I wanted to find out how you're doing. Are you okay?"

"Well, I'm dealing as well as can be expected. I mean, it's still only been
a week and a half, almost two. I guess I'm still in a state where I know
he's gone, but it's like he's not, but he is . . . I dunno, it's
complicated."

"Yeah, I know. But hey, like he said, it's only temporary, right?"

"No, I don't think so . . ."

"Whatta you mean?"

"Well, I dunno . . . I mean, I just don't think that we're gonna get back
together."

"Why not?"

"I dunno . . ."

"Do you not want to? Or do you think he doesn't want to?"

"A little of both."

"Why don't you want to?"

"Cause, I mean, how could I compete with his mother? I mean, she doesn't
seem to be accepting this, and I don't think she's gonna! And besides, the
fact that he didn't let me be there for him to help work this out, and
expects me to wait around for him till he decides to pick me up again like
some toy that's here whenever he wants? No, I don't think so! I mean, I
love him, but not that much! And now, I'm starting to question if it ever
WAS love!"

"Damn . . . What? You don't think it was love?"

"I dunno now! I mean, love was what I was starting to feel with . . ." He
said hesitating.

"With Lance . . . I know. I can see it."

"How . . ."

"Don't worry, I know you don't, but I know that you did."

"Freaky . . . It's like you're reading my fuckin mind!"

"I have a gift, what can I say?" I said smiling at him.

"It's like . . . this whole thing really opened my eyes. Things that I
thought were crystal clear, have become foggy, and stuff that I was
confused about before have become clear to me."

"So what does that mean for you?"

"It means that I start to move on with my life!"

"Are you gonna tell Jay?"

"Only if he tries to come back. Other than that, I don't see why he would
need to know."

"Well, just so you know, I'm not gonna say anything."

"That was never a question in my mind."

"Good."

"But hey, good things come out of everything, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for one thing, this means that I don't have to worry about somebody
waiting on me to come home. And another thing, this whole thing gave me
some ideas for a song."

"Just the lyrics, or do you have a melody?"

"Both. It's somethin that I've been working on for awhile now, and I got
K-Tunes to help me with."

"Cool . . . you gotta title?"

"Not yet, but I'm leaning towards 'I'll be good for you'."

"Well, I'd ask you to sing it for me now, but I'm sure you're tired."

"Yeah . . . remind me tomorrow."

"K, well, I think I'm gonna get on to bed! I need some sleep!"

"Hell yeah! What, you've only gotten like 2 hours in the last 4 days?"

"Not exactly, but it feels even worse!"

"I know how that is."

"Yup, I bet you do!"

"Well, night bro!"

"Laters!" I said as we both got up, and he pulled me into a hug.

"And thanks!"

"Anytime! You know I'm always here for you!"

"Same here!"

"Night!"

"Night!"

On my way back to my room, I noticed that everyone was still in Joey's
room, Joey and Lance were wrestling, and Chris was instigating the whole
thing. Josh was cuddling up with Melissa and they were both laughing at the
three. I just stuck my head in, said goodnight, which caught Lance's
attention, and lost him the upper hand on Joey. As I walked down the hall,
I could hear Lance yell,

"Hey! No fair! I was distracted!"

To which Joey replied,

"That ain't my fault!"

To which Chris said,

"OOOOOH!!! HE SAID YOU WERE DICK WHIPPED!"

I had to stop for a minute when I heard that. I laughed slightly and they
heard me, then Lance yelled,

"GO TO BED!"

"SHUT UP! I'M GOIN! AND JUST FOR THAT, KICK HIS ASS JOE!" I yelled back.

"WILL DO!" Joey yelled back as I went the rest of the way to my room.

I don't even remember if I got undressed or not, all I know is that as soon
as I hit the bed, I was knocked the fuck out! The next thing I remembered
was waking up in my boxers, with Lance's head on my bare chest. I looked
over at the clock, which read 9:00, then groaned and stretched, causing
Lance to stir.

"Time to get up?" He groggily asked, his voice deeper than usual.

"Yup." I said, my voice also deeper than usual.

"What time is it?"

"Just a little passed 9."

"Ugh . . ."

"What time did you get to sleep?"

"Um . . . 4:30?"

"Damn! What were you people doin all night?!"

"Nothing, just hanging out."

"Damn . . . Well, that's what y'all get for goin to bed so late!"

"I know, I know . . ."

"What's on your schedule for today?"

"Nothing out of the usual."

"Well that's good!"

"Come here!" He said pulling me in for a kiss. "I love you!"

"I love you too!" I said after he broke the kiss.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner about what happened?"

"Which? The passing out part, or the near death part?"

"Both!"

"Well, they both go kinda hand in hand. I didn't want to worry you to the
point of where you wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything, and so you
wouldn't treat me like I was about to break."

"Babe, as much as we've been through, even if you think I might over react,
I still have a right to know."

"You're right . . . but come on, if I had told you about the plane before
the show, can you honestly tell me that you would've been able to go out
there and perform?"

"That's not the point . . ."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not! The point is that you should've told me!"

"I did!"

"I mean sooner!"

"It's not like you haven't done the same to me you know!"

"Don't go throw that in my face!"

"I won't, just as long as you realize that it WAS for the best that I
waited till AFTER the show!"

"Yeah, it was . . . but you still should've told me sooner!"

"UGH! You're hopeless!" I said getting up and walking towards the terrace.

"I can't help it if I worry about you! You're my boyfriend! I love you! I
just would like to know when something happens to you that you'll tell me
as soon as possible!"

"Look," I said walking back towards the bed, "we both know that sometimes
we can't tell each other everything right as it happens, whether it be to
protect us from breaking down right before we go on stage or to an
appearance, or because we're in a place where we can't tell each other for
fear of media, but as long as we tell each other when we can or when we
deem right, and don't keep secrets from each other, that's all that
matters! I never planned on not telling you! If I would've told you before
you went on stage, you would've broken down and wouldn't have been able to
go on! You know it, and I know it!  And you also know that you would've
done the SAME thing if you were in my shoes!"

"That isn't the point!"

"DAMN IT LANCE!" I said getting frustrated and starting towards the terrace
again. "Why are you making this so difficult?!"

"Because! I almost lost you!" He said starting to break down.

As he started to cry, he sat back on the bed and covered his face with his
hands. The sobbing coming from his mouth made my heart break. Immediately
after seeing him break down, I felt guilty for not telling him sooner and
letting the argument go on as long as it did. I walked over to him and
kneeled in front of him. I pushed his hands away from his face and put my
hands on his cheeks. He lifted his head up and I saw his emerald green eyes
flooded with tears of love, fear and relief. He looked into my eyes then
shut his own and put his head on my shoulder. I got up and sat next to him
on the bed and embraced him. I'd never seen him cry like that before, and I
couldn't help but start to tear as well.

"I mean, I could handle losing you by breaking up," He said through his
sobs, "cause in this business, it's hard enough to keep a successful
relationship going!" He paused to wipe his eyes and nose then continued,
"But to lose you like that, for you to die and for me not to see you one
last time, that would just be too much! I love you too much for me to be
able to handle that!"

I pulled him into a deep hug and kissed the top of his head.

"Shhhh . . . it's ok! I'm still here, that's all that matters!"

"I love you Rob!"

"I love you too Lance!"

We sat there for about an hour, just holding each other as we let out the
rest of our tears. It was a quarter to eleven when Justin came knocking on
our door. He said that they had already eaten breakfast and they didn't
wanna disturb us cause they heard us fighting. He then looked like he
wanted to ask if we were okay, but didn't wanna intrude.  Sensing this, I
told him that we were fine and we just had an argument, but that we made up
and everything is ok again. He then sighed with relief and walked out of
the room. We both couldn't help but smile at his concern, and even
laugh. We stared into each other's eyes again then kissed lovingly, which
turned into a deep meaningful hug.  After we parted, we ordered breakfast
and soon enough, it was time for the day to start.


TBC . . .

Well, that's it! Stay tuned! Email me at Papito6187@aol.com