Date: Thu, 23 Dec 1999 01:04:13 EST
From: Brwydevil@aol.com
Subject: Boys Bands: Running Thoughts 12

     Greetings Archive Visitors and welcome to the next segment of the story.
I hope all is well with you... I recently celebrated a milestone birthday, so
I have been busy with autographs, conferences, press meetings and
interviews.... or small gatherings with family and friends. :) That is why it
has taken me a little while to type this up. I have a special Christmas one
that should be out extra quick- and just in time for the 25th- if you
celebrate the season, that is. Anyway, I wish to thank everyone for your
support and keep the emails coming to BrwyDevil@aol.com. This story is
fictional and I do not mean to imply anything about the celebrities involved.
Except maybe Justin... just kidding. :)


      Running Thoughts Part Twelve: "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again"


     Kevin pulled the sheets up closer around his body. He drew the edge up
around his neck and let one arm fall off the side of the bed. He remembered
how frightened he used to be as a child to lay like this. He was either
afraid of monsters under his bed or bugs crawling up his arm. It was a
strange sensation, but it was how he felt. He used to get tucked in tightly
and leave only enough leeway space in the blankets for breathing.
   He was glad he was over that stage of paranoia- but he did find himself
still snuggling up tightly from time to time. Slowly Kevin felt himself give
into the powers of the sandman. When he blinked into his dreamscape, he saw
his hotel room covered in a strange yellow light. The room had a gaping hole
in the wall where the window was supposed to be and a mesmerizing sun was
setting in the distance. A luxurious and lavish land of prospering trees and
lakes receded into a beautiful fog.
   He saw himself dressed in beige pajamas. They were very smooth and rubbed
against his skin as a warm breeze passed by. The yellow hue grew brighter
around him as he stared down at the wondrous landscape before him. He felt an
arm wrap around his waist and warm lips kiss the back of his neck. Kevin
attempted to turn his head and see who was behind him but his peripheral
vision seemed to be blurred. He couldn't tell who he was with. The lips
slowly began to massage the area between his neck and shoulder.
   Kevin smiled and held onto the arm that held him closely. He had been so
lonely and this felt so right. He closed his eyes and craned his neck so the
mysterious someone could continue their activities. Kevin marveled at the
reality he felt- and as happens in most cases- he forgot he was dreaming.
   There was great strength in the arms of this lover- but he wasn't
struggling to escape. Instead, he slowly gave into the hormonal powers inside
of him. With his eyes closed, he arched his back and leaned into a passionate
kiss with the phantom figure. His tounge danced around the warm wet mouth
that he pushed into. A light stubble grazed his chin as their faces met. He
was kissing a man and he was never more aroused.
   Kevin wanted to open his eyes and see who he was with- but on the most
basic levels- he already knew. It had to be AJ. The smells and the
familiarity all around him instantly triggered AJ in his mind. It was all so
weird. Where the hell was this coming from? And why did he never want it to
end? He wished he knew. But if he was kissing AJ- then AJ was kissing him
back and he was doing it quite well. Their lips were so smooth and fit
perfectly with one another. Their tongues wrapped around each other and
rubbed gently inside their mouths. Kevin felt himself let a grunt escape from
his throat as the hand of his unseen counterpart began to rub his cock
through the silk pajamas. They ended the sweet kiss and Kevin finally lifted
his eyelids.
   He stared into AJs face and he smiled. He wasn't concerned anymore with
whether or not it was right or wrong or strange or improper. He wanted to be
with AJ. He felt his lips part again and a heavy breath leave through them.
He couldn't say a word. His heart felt complete and his body was so warm with
AJ. He couldn't think of anyplace more perfect than where he was right now.
   The intense yellow light was slowly becoming a brilliant shade of orange
as the sun disappeared into the fog. AJ's hand was massaging Kevin through
his pants very slowly and making love to him with his sensual eyes. Kevin
turned towards his fantasy man and stroked his smooth chest. He wished he had
a muscular physique like this... but then again, no one ever complained about
the way he looked.
    AJ slipped his hand underneath the waistband of the smooth bottoms and
moved his fingertips along Kevin's length. He licked his lips seductively and
leaned in for another kiss. Kevin opened his mouth willingly and slid his
tounge into AJ's mouth. Kevin lifted his left hand away from the beautiful
chest and gripped the back of AJ's head- hoping that they never had to part
from such ecstasy. He shivered in pleasure and grinded his hips into AJ's
awaiting hand. He slowly jerked the shaft in rhythm with Kevin's movements.
He moaned again and there was a low ringing sound emanating from behind him.
    He kept his eyes closed and kissed AJ again, ignoring the sound. His
right hand traveled down AJ's torso and rested against his abdomen. The
ringing got louder and Kevin broke the kiss to make sure no one was watching
them. He turned around and suddenly he found himself in the dark hotel room.
He had woken up.
    Kevin was sweating and he was most disoriented. He sat up and looked
around. Everything appeared quite normal. There was no AJ here, though. He
shook his head and layed back down. The ringing of the telephone startled
him. So that was the sound that jolted him back into reality. He leaned over
and picked up the receiver.
   "Hello?"... he answered groggily. "Right... 9AM... Set up a wake up call.
Thanks Jack." Kevin hung up the phone and pulled the blankets up around him.
He was confused and lost and extremely alone. He stared ahead into the
darkness and felt himself begin to cry.

==============================================================================
==========

    Lance threw the robe around his wet body and toweled down his legs. When
he stood back up he saw his hair was literally flopping all over the place in
his reflection in the mirror. He laughed and thought of himself as a Muppet.
He quickly grabbed a comb from the sink and slicked his hair back. Hopefully
it would dry quickly so that he didn't wake up looking like something in a
horror film.
    He opened the door of the bathroom and felt a chill coming from the rest
of the vacant suite. His teeth chattered for a moment and then he regained
control of his internal heat. He jogged in place for a moment and then ran
across the room to his suitcase. He usually brought his sleeping clothes into
the bathroom with him before showering but he had forgotten this time and he
nearly received frostbite as a warning to never make that mistake again.
   He pulled on a pair of green sweatpants and rubbed the arms of his robe up
and down to alleviate the goose bumps that had formed. Then he walked over to
the heater underneath the window and he adjusted the temperature. Hopefully
it wouldn't take too long for the place to heat up. Lance grabbed a small
black book from his dresser and jumped into the Queen sized bed that was
waiting for him. It was customary for him to write once a week in his journal
after a tour was completed. He took a pen with the hotel logo on the side
from his night stand and opened to the next clean page:

       Concert With The BackStreet Boys Went Well. No Regrets. No Complaints.
Still No End To My Strange Dreams About Nick- But There Have Been Significant
Changes. I Sent The Letter To Dad This Morning And They Will Hopefully
Receive It By Christmas. I Wish I Could Be There With Them But I Must Be In
Hawaii Soon With The Band. The Other Guys Are Going Home For A Few Days. I
Envy That. End.

     He closed the book and placed it down next to him on the bed. He had
developed a strange short hand over the course of the years but he always
knew what he was talking about. He slid his legs underneath the covers and
fluffed his pillow. He finally settled in and began to warm up. It was nice
to be able and sleep the next morning. He looked forward to much needed rest
and he started quite quickly as he faded into the realm of dreams.
     He breathed a sigh of relief as he strolled across a brisk hill top.
There was a dazzling sun shower in progress and he felt the heavy droplets
cascade across the sky and spray around him. A bright rainbow glimmered from
the horizon in the distance to the shimmering lake he stood in front of.
Lance smiled at the relaxed serene scene he involved himself in.
    His vision was distorted for a moment as a quick object moved in front of
his eyes. He tried to see what it was but he couldn't determine which way it
was moving. Perhaps it was a beautiful wild bird that existed nowhere but
inside his mind's eye. Then it happened again. He caught a glimpse of a
purple shroud of sorts and the figure of the same mysterious woman who had
appeared in his dreams before. She had delivered a strange message once
before. She had said, "Meet Your Road." Lance never fully understood this
term or what it applied to. Fortunately, there was no reason to believe that
dreams meant anything. Or did they?
   He spun around and faced the tall mountains. They too were a deep purple.
There was no movement that he could see- but he was being distracted for some
reason or another... "What do you want from me?" Lance called out. He thought
it would be best to confront the situation than remain confused and
distraught. There was no response from Mother Nature or from the woman. Lance
turned back to the beautiful dream and stepped forward.
    He was pushed back towards the mountains by some unseen force. He spun
around and looked to see who was keeping him here- who was stopping his
advances. The hill that he often had seen Nick on was no longer in sight...
he knew he had to find another path for himself. But how could he do that
without being able to move? In a split second, the woman was in front of him
and her purple cloak was waving in the breeze. Lance was unable to speak as
he looked into her plain and hypnotizing face.
    "Reflect." She whispered. Lance saw a lightning bolt strike the mountain
range and he immediately woke up. It was already morning and he was not in a
cold sweat or shocked to have had such a strange dream. He did see, however,
that he had pushed all of the blankets off of the bed at some point during
the night. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. What did the woman mean this time?

==============================================================================
==================


     Madison Square Garden was filled again for the Sunday performance of The
BackStreet Boys. By noon, the whole area was congested with fans who were
badly imitating the group and screaming out their names as if they could be
heard. Oak tag signs, T-shirts, magazines and posters were waved around
wildly and cameras were poised at every angle to behold the group when they
arrived. (Little did the fans know that the band entered using a different
route.)
    Nick looked into the mirror and realized his excersizes were improving.
He never wanted to be the buff member of the group- but he also never wanted
to appear scrawny either. Now everyone just thought he was on drugs and
steroids. It was awful being famous and undergoing a change at the same
time... speculation was often the key behind tabloid gossip. Though the one
thing about rumors is that they were almost always true...
   Kevin walked into the dressing room and placed a coffee cup down on the
table. "I took the whole mug from the hotel restaurant... I didn't even think
to ask for a styrofoam cup..." Kevin smiled. Nick shook his head in amusement.
   "Just remember to bring it back. I don't want to be billed for stolen
china or silverware this time, Kev." he joked. They both reclined in their
chairs and sighed simultaneously. "Rough night?"
   "Sleepless..." Kevin mumbled.
   "I know the feeling. I was on the phone with Just- I mean... with so many
people till 5 AM... I am surprised I am still standing."
   Kevin noticed the mention of Justin Timberlake but decided to give his
friend his privacy. After all, he wasn't one to start babbling about his own
life. Dreams of AJ- who was bound to walk in at any moment and make
everything tense. He took the last sip from the mug and stretched his arms
out.
   "I guess I could take a nap before the show..." Kevin laughed and yawned
at the same time.
   "We have rehearsal on the mainstage in fifteen minutes." Nick popped the
bubble quickly and frowned. "I wouldn't mind a nap,though. Maybe if we
convince the others to hide we can avoid singing and dancing!"
   "Well, I haven't seen Howie or Brian yet today."
   "Thats not too surprising now is it!" Nick rose from his chair and leaned
down to begin some push-ups. "But I assure you that when we see them, we'll
see them together."
   The door opened and Brian entered- alone. Nick stopped mid-push-up and
stared into space for a moment. "Or I could be wrong." He completed his
thought.
   "You all right Brian?" Kevin asked.
   Brian was obviously not in his happiest mood. "Yeah I am all right. Do we
have rehearsal soon?"
   "I think in about 15 minutes, why?"
   "I thought Howie would be here by now."
   "Oh..." Kevin was shocked to hear that Brian didn't know where Howie was.
They didn't like to imply the relationship that they all knew existed between
the two of them but it was quite present and quite noticable. "I am sure
he'll show up soon."
   Nick continued his push-ups and thought about Justin. He really missed
him. He wished he didn't but there was no escaping his emotions. Hopefully he
would be able to talk to him soon- considering they were going to be apart
over the holidays. He wondered a lot about what Justin thought about their
whole situation together. It seemed important to both of them... but
unfortunately there was no way besides telephone conversations to explore
feelings. Hopefully that would change over time but for now, this was all
they could work with.
    The door opened again and Howie and AJ entered. There was an instant
shudder from both Kevin and Brian. Nick noticed it immediately and stood up.
He raised his eyebrows and looked to his four friends who were obviously
holding in a lot of what they wanted to say. Tension was never something good
before a show- but this type of tightness was not going to be resolved in an
hour of discussion. Nick never wished he could be somewhere else with Justin
more than at that moment.
    "You guys are late- report to the stage!" Jack called into the room.
Kevin grinned and walked past AJ and Howie very quickly. Howie turned his
back to Brian and followed Kevin. AJ gestured to Nick and made his way onto
the stage. Soon the room was empty, but the cold air of emotional fragility
never let up.

==============================================================================
================

     After the concert was over, the dressing room was a bit more tolerable.
Brian and Howie had not communicated with each other on the stage, but
fortunately it was not picked up by the hyper audience. Brian was too angry
at Howie's attitude and neither said a word to each other. AJ had no idea
that Kevin was uncomfortable being around him but his own experiences with
seeing Kevin in a sexual vision of his own was slightly disconcerting. He was
able to ignore the images and act naturally.
   "Nice job, boys..." Jack walked into the room with a dark stain on his
white dress shirt. "I spilt coffee all over myself trying to get through the
crowd..." he explained after a moment. He unbuttoned the soaked Van Huessen
shirt and opened his briefcase. Another one was neatly folded on the inside.
He smiled to the other guys. "Always be prepared..." He discarded the first
shirt and revealed a well-defined body to the band. He had a smooth, hairless
chest and a muscular back. He pulled the clean shirt on and regained the
position of their managers secretary.
     There was a light ringing and Nick immediately recognized that it was
his cell phone. He hated having this device, since it had proved to be a
nuisance in the past- but it was sometimes nice to hear it go off. Its good
to have someone care enough about you to call when you're nearly unreachable.
He took the green phone from under his sweatshirt and activated it.
   "Hello?"
   > Its Justin.
   "Hey, how'd you know the concert was over?"
   > I have a spy there!
   Nick laughed and walked away from the other guys. He wanted to be able to
speak freely. "And where is this spy now?"
   > I've recalled him. How did it go?
   "One concert is very much like the others. I wish you were here, though."
Nick smiled sheepishly.
   > And why is that?
   "The concerts are more fun with you."
   > We only had one of those!
   "And it was the most fun I have had on stage in a really long time!" Nick
stated. He slumped into a corner by the stairwell and sighed. "What are you
up to?"
   > I just took a bath. I wanted to come and surprise you there, but I
couldn't get past the security here. There is someone from my side in that
very building with you.
     Nick switched the phone to his other ear. "What do you mean?"
   > JC forgot his wallet somewhere in that dressing room last night. He went
back to find it. That's how I knew you guys were done!
    "Aren't you clever." Nick lowered his voice as he heard the other guys
grow silent. He didn't want his private calls to be public knowledge. "So
what's your plan for the evening?"
   > Talking on the phone with you, I hope!
   "I can't think of anything I'd rather do."
    The door to the dressing room opened again and JC stuck his head in. He
smiled to the guys and closed the door behind him. "Hi... I didn't want to
interrupt. I just have to look around for my wallet!" He grinned. The BSB
greeted him lowly and went about their business.
   "JC is here." Nick told Justin as he waved over to the N'Sync member.
   > Tell him I got his message that you were done performing.
   "Justin says that he got your message."
   "Good. Our security guards are capable of something!" JC called across the
room. He laughed to himself as he looked around the shelves and couches that
lined the walls. Nick ended his conversation with Justin:
   "I'll beep you as soon as I can, okay?" He whispered. "All right... talk
to you then... bye bye." Their conversations were becoming romantic slowly
but surely- and they included a lot of sexual diatribe which got them both
excited but uncertain as to if they'd ever get a chance to be together in the
relationship they thought they wanted. It didn't matter now, though. They
were too young to worry about it. Nick turned off the phone and walked over
to JC.
   "Can you find it?" He asked.
   "I guess it could have fallen out in the limo... but we don't know the
name of the driver who took care of us yesterday. It was someone new with the
company. Oh well. I didn't have that much in there." JC shrugged. Nick nodded
and slipped his phone into his pocket.
   "Hey... could I talk to you about something?" JC lowered his voice and
turned his back to the rest of the group. Nick had a look of confusion but
accepted. "I
went out to celebrate my vacation last night and I saw your friend Howie in a
club." He explained.
   "That's not like him, but I have heard he wanted some time alone. Why do
you bring it up?" Nick asked.
   "Well, he left with a friend of mine who happened to be with me."
   "One of the members of N'Sync?"
   "Oh no... just someone I know here in New York. His name is Xavier." JC's
voice was in a whisper now. He stressed the fact that Howie was out with
another guy. Apparently his friend Xavier was openly bisexual and since Howie
left with him, JC was automatically curious. Nick, on the other hand, knew
about Howie's relationship with Brian and felt very confused.
   "Well, I guess Howie is aloud to do whatever he wants, right?" Nick
answered back, in order to disuade any doubt.
   "I guess so- and I have no problem with him liking guys- its just that I
heard Howie was in a committed relationship already and I didn't want to
break Xavier's heart or accuse Howie of being unfaithful without knowing more
about it. So I wanted to ask you if you knew anything about this."
   Nick didn't know where he could have heard about Howie's involvement with
someone but that didn't matter. What did matter was the fact that Howie had
cheated on Brian- or at least that was how it sounded. Nick gritted his teeth
and chose to remain loyal to Howie above all. He was left with little choice.
   "I don't know Howie's take on relationships, JC. I just sing in a band
with him." He swallowed hard. He wished he didn't have to belittle his
friendship with Howie by saying that they only sang together, but as far as
he could see, that was all that Howie saw in it.
   "Well, thanks anyway." JC nodded. "I hope I didn't put you on the spot."
   Nick wanted to respond with, "Oh no not at all, you've enlightened me with
the truth behind Howie and how reliable he is as a boyfriend and as a human
being..." but instead he said, "Anytime."
   JC walked back through the doors and searched around the hallway for his
missing wallet. Nick glanced over to his friends who were preparing to leave
and watched Howie's cold shouldering to his unsuspecting lover.

==============================================================================
===========

    Okay, I wanted to get all of that out rather quickly so some of the
details were slimmed down and some of the conversations were sped up. I hope
you don't mind. The next installment should be lots of fun and I hope you all
read it. To get in touch with me for anything at all, just send an email.
Kevin at BrwyDevil@aol.com. Thanks!