Date: Sat, 17 Nov 2001 13:17:22 -0000
From: svjsr@hotmail.com
Subject: Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien - Part 2

This is my first attempt at a story and I would be very grateful for any
comments (good or bad).  Please e-mail them to me: svjsr@hotmail.com

This story is a work of fiction people, I neither know nor claim to any of the
people mentioned in this story.  Everything written here is from my sordid
mind and does not imply anything about the sexuality or private lives of
anybody.  Any coincidence with reality is just that and we can only hope that
there are some.

Please note; English *is* my native tongue, British English that is.  Any
'weird' spellings are probably just due to that.  On a similar note, I need
an American who can help me write this, I keep on stumbling over what I
would say and what an American would say.

Anyway on with what you're all here for:

Chapter Four

The five members of N'Sync sat around me in their dressing room.  We were
waiting for the ambulance called to see to Lance.  Luckily he wasn't in need of
any major treatment and the tour doctor had dosed him up on painkillers.  It
seemed that the management wanted to try and do without getting the
ambulance to use its sirens to clear a path through all the traffic leaving the
stadium, so as to avoid a panic and rumours, so Lance was left to manage
with us.  Lance was lying with his leg outstretched on the couch whilst JC and
Joey were discussing with Lance the implications of cancelling the concert
tonight.  Chris sat on the other side of the room to me giving me the coldest
looks I had ever seen.  It was painfully clear to me that Chris blamed me for
Lance's accident and all the trouble going on around us now.  Justin had
slipped into the bathroom a few minutes earlier and the conversation in the
room was regularly interrupted by various suits informing us about the fans,
the meet-and-greet that N'Sync seemed to have built into part of their show
routine and the press-releases going out to quiet the rumours which had
begun to circle already.

"Hey Lance we'll all follow you to the hospital." Joey said.

"No way!" Lance put on his stubborn voice, "I won't need you there, plus it'll
cause more trouble than it's worth once the fans get wind that all five
members of N'Sync are hauled up their local hospital."

"We just want to feel like we're doing something" came JC's reply.
"Go out, enjoy your night off."

"But if people see us out they'll wonder why we cancelled." Joey interjected.
Justin wandered back into the room.

"They'll already know, hell I'm pretty sure most of the country knows we've
cancelled tonight and are on the phone to management now asking why."
Lance was sounding more and more absolute.  "I'll be fine in hospital over
night, you can always visit in the morning."

"Well, if I know you Lance," JC said, "it sounds as if you've made up your
mind already."

"Yeap" Lance nodded.

"Well guys, where are we going?" JC said as he turned to speak to the rest of
us.

"Dinner and club!" Justin shouted.  JC looked around the rest of us and seeing
there were no other offers agreed.

Just then the ambulance guys showed up and loaded Lance onto their trolley.
We all said our good byes and promised to visit first thing.  Before we knew it
Lance was gone and we were all wandering back to our respective dressing
rooms.

"Hey, Darren" Justin said as he sped up his pace to walk beside me.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"You gonna come tonight?"

"I don't think so J, what with Chris and all..."

"Joey talked to him when we were out and he calmed down a lot.  He'll be
fine."  Justin reasoned.

"Well, Justin, I..." I tried to think of some excuse why I couldn't go.

"That's it settled then.  We'll give your hotel room a ring before we all head off"
Justin was pretty determined that I would be going out tonight.

"Sure" I said opening the door to my dressing room. "I'll see y'later."

I quickly showered and did my best to fix my hair.  I was just picking out
clothes to wear when my phone rang.

"Hello?" I said as I picked it up.

"Hey, you ready?" came Justin's voice.

"Give us another five or so minutes and I will be" I replied.

"Sure we'll be down in five, see ya."  With that Justin hung up.  I returned to
the problem of deciding what to wear.  I eventually settled on a pair of black
trousers with padded knees and a slightly clingy, black, zip-up shirt.

The guys all arrived soon enough and we were sitting in a limo being driven to
a local restaurant.

The atmosphere in the car was palpably different without Lance there with us.
The rest of the guys' thoughts must also have been following the same trail as
mine, as no-one spoke during the whole journey.

We arrived at the restaurant in a matter of minutes, which I for one was glad
of, none of us seemed into the idea of going out without Lance, but none of us
wanted to speak up about it either.  The restaurant had a pleasant interior,
typical of the smaller, down market places you find.  I was pleased with the
choice of restaurant someone had made , it wasn't too fancy, and I didn't feel
underdressed.  We were seated quickly after the waitress recognised the
guys, luckily enough I was still too minor a star to be picked out in a crowd.

"What would you like to drink?" the waitress asked, trying to hide her obvious
excitement at serving such celebrities.

"Coke please" Justin said.

"Same here" JC said as he smiled at the waitress making her giggle.

"Oh, I'll have a rum and coke" Chris replied.

I quickly scanned down the drinks list, "Can I just get a beer please."

"You got ID?" the waitress asked.

"Umm, I've got my UK driver's licence, will that do?" I said fishing the pink
plastic card out from my wallet.

"You're only 19, I can't serve you alcohol." The waitress said after examining
my licence for a few seconds.

"What?" I said rather loudly as people on neighbouring tables turned to see
what was going on.

"Drinking age is 21 in this state Sir.  Can I get you anything else?"

"Well, I guess a coke will do."

Everyone else ordered their drinks and the waitress went off to fetch them.

"I can't believe you tried to order alcohol Darren!" Justin said jokingly.

"At home I would have got served easily" I defended myself.

"What's the drinking age over in England then?" JC inquired.

"Eighteen if you buy it yourself, sixteen if someone else does."

"What!" five pairs of eyes were on me.

"You can drink at 16!" Justin asked unbelievingly.

"Yep, they rarely ask for ID either, mainly 'cos no-one has any." I replied,
trying to play it down and get them to wipe their stupid shocked looks from
their faces.

"So you've been drinking in bars and places for a while then?" JC asked.

"I guess, I probably first drank in a pub when I was 15"

"That's a stupid law.  Kids shouldn't be drinking at that age!" Joey
commented.

"Yeah" I continued, "But I always thought it was funny that you can own a gun,
drive a car, have sex and vote before you can drink alcohol over here"

"What's funny about that?" JC asked with a humorous tone.

The waitress returned with our drinks and we all ordered our food.

We ate in relative silence.  Occasionally, when the conversation swung my
way, I'd catch Justin and sometimes JC trying to make eye contact.  I don't
need to say that making eye contact with two people at once is a very
demanding task, but I did my best.  They were obviously trying to include me
in their conversation, which I was glad of.  Anyway, we chatted about the
usual things, which in the end, boils down to not a lot.

We finished our meal, which Justin insisted on paying for, and all piled back
into the limo and headed off to a club in town.

"You okay Darren?" JC asked quietly.  He was sitting next to me whilst the
other three were wrestling together (well as best you can in a limo-sized
space).

"Hum, yeah.  Why you asking?"

"You just seemed kinda quiet during dinner that's all"

"I've got a lot on my mind JC, I'm fine honest"

"Well, just don't let Chris get you down.  Have a blow-out tonight and think in
the morning"

"I guess." I said not sounding overly convinced.

"Damn sure, get drunk, dance badly, and wake up wondering why you ever
thought the tenth tequila was a good idea!" JC said laughing, I couldn't help it;
I was smiling with him.

Chapter Five

We quickly arrived at the club.  I got out the limo first to see the long queue of
people staring at me.  A few whispers were said, a few glances made
between friends and then it started.  A group of six or seven women game
bounding over to where I was waiting at the door for the other guys to get out
of the limo.  I was experiencing my first crazed fans; it was fantastic!

I stood and signed a few t-shirts before the crowd of girls from the queue,
which had gathered around us suddenly started to scream and move towards
the limo.  The N'Sync guys had obviously emerged.  With a lot of pushing
from the club bouncers and from ourselves we eventually got inside.

The inside was a typical bar-club place; an average sized dance floor was
sunk into the floor.  On the upper-level was the bar, tables and chairs along
with a couple of sofas along one wall.

The guys all headed off to a small set of steps which lead up to the VIP area,
which was full of comfy-looking chairs and huge couches.  It also had its own
bar.

We all plopped down onto the chairs.  Justin and I on one couch.  JC and
Joey on another and Chris in a hugely over-sized chair.

"Good news Darren, the bar here will serve any of us" JC laughed.

"Really!" I said jumping up, "I'll get the first round in then."

They all gave me their drink orders and I walked over to the bar.

"Hey, thought you might need a hand with the drinks" Justin said as he stood
besides me at the bar.

"I'm dying for alcohol.  I can't believe you can't drink until 21 here"

"Well, you live with it" Justin said shrugging his shoulders.  "I think it's really
weird that you can drink at 16 in England.  Did you ever get caught drinking
underage?"

"Yeap, I think about a third of all teenagers are.  You can actually drink from
the age dot, but you can't be sold it until you're 18.  Even if you do buy drink
underage, it's the vender that gets fined and you get off scot-free.  Off course
they can give it away free with other stuff and be legal!"

"That's a strange loophole"

"It's one of many!" I laughed.  The barman brought the drinks over and I
handed over my debit card.

After signing the receipt we headed back to the table carrying the drinks.  We
all sat around, chatting and drinking.

"Hey I'm headed off to dance.  Anyone wanna come?" Chris asked as he
stood.

"Yeah, I'm in" Joey said standing.

"Same here" Justin said.

They headed off to the centre of the dance floor leaving JC and I sitting
around the table.  He jumped up and moved over to my couch.

"Stopped thinking yet?" JC asked as we both stared at the table in front of us.

"Enough, yes" I answered turning towards him.  "Want another?" I asked
jiggling my empty glass.

"My shout though" he said in response.

JC quickly returned with our drinks.

"He doesn't hate you Darren" JC suddenly said.

"What?"

"Chris, he doesn't hate you."

"Well he's doing a very good impression of someone who does."  I said
rubbing my forehead.

"He just needs time to calm down and get used to the idea of, well you know"
JC finished uneasily.

"Yeah.  I'm just really pissed off.  I have to put up with his open hostility and
agro just in case he decides at some point in the future he likes me as a
person."

"That's not a very positive way of thinking about it"

"Yeah well I've done it so many times I just wish that I could say 'fuck them'
and not have to pussyfoot around them!"  I sighed and leaned back into the
sofa, hanging my head of the back.

"Look, I know Chris.  He's a good-guy.  He's just resistant to change.  We've
had several 'friends' that we all thought were the salt of the earth and they've
gone and screwed us all."  JC said sounding a little distant.

"I'm not like that!" I protested.

"I know, Justin and Lance definitely do, Joey's coming around and Chris will
follow."  JC said trying to calm my anger.  "It's just that with Chris, you have to
earn his trust."

"Well I in't gonna back away just because I get Chris' back up."  I said in a
resilient voice.  I looked up and sideways into JC's eyes.  He smiled and I
once again couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey you guys!" Justin said as he bounded over after a half hour or so.

"Hi, you look like you're having a good time" JC said seeing Justin's rather
sweaty appearance.

"Yea, it's hot down there." Justin said grinning ear to ear.

"Sound's too good to miss" JC said as he began to stand.  "Coming Darren?"

"Nah, I'd rather sit out another one if that's ok?" I answered.

"Sure.  Justin you coming?"

"No way, I've just got outta there!" Justin said laughing at JC's eagerness.
"Chris n' Joey are down there though."

"OK see you two later." JC said over his shoulder as he left the VIP area.
Justin plopped down next to me on the couch and a strong smell of alcohol
emanating from his clothes wafted over me.

"My god!  What have you been drinking?"  I asked.

"What?  Oh the smell, some guy spilt his drink on me.  I smell worse than a
brewery" Justin replied, somewhat slurred.

"Do you want another?  I fancy getting so pissed I wake up and remember
nothing from here on."  I said standing.

"I'll drink to that Darren!" Justin answered as he struggled to stand.  We both
headed over to the bar and grabbed a couple of stools.  Justin waved the
barman over and pointed to the tequila hanging in the bar.

"This round's mine okay Justin?" I said thinking he was getting a couple of
shots.

"Whatever" Justin said smiling.  The barman returned with two large shot
glasses, a fresh bottle of tequila and enough salt and lime to last all of Mexico
for a year.  I handed over my card to the barman and just stared at Justin.

"What?" he said feigning innocence.

"A whole bottle, we'll barely be able to walk!" I stated.

"You wanna just do a few shots then?" Justin said.

"Fuck no!" I laughed, "Last one to hit the floor buys the next bottle!"  Justin
laughed and poured out two shots.  We both downed them in the traditional
way.  That's where my memory goes a little fuzzy.

Chapter Six

Next thing I remember JC and Joey are talking at me.  I say 'at' because I
don't know what they were saying and I certainly can't remember if I said
anything coherent in response or not.

Justin and I weren't that drunk, surprisingly, we managed to walk by
ourselves, although I noticed that JC made sure we were safe by following us
like a shadow.

"Is he always so protective?" I slurred to Justin as we snaked our way along
the pavement.  He just grinned and said something I couldn't decode before
breaking out into hysterics.

"How could you let Justin get this wasted?" JC hissed in my ear.

"He did it himself, I can't stop him from doing what he wants okay!"

"Yeah, well, he doesn't need this and neither do we.  The supermarket
tabloids are gonna get hold of this and have a field day!" Joey shouted from
behind us.

"Hey, lay off Joey!" JC said sternly "I'm just worried about getting Justin back
to the hotel safely, not about how the papers will report it."

"Whatever."  Joey said under his breath as he turned back to his conversation
with Chris.

"Why d'have to go and get inebriated?" JC asked me.  "I thought I told you not
to let Chris get to you."

"You did, I just felt like a blow-out tonight" I said.  Luckily enough walking in
the chill night air was beginning to loosen the alcohol's hold on me.  Justin
suddenly pushed in between JC and I and wrapped his arms around our
shoulders for support.

"Y'all have fun tonight?" Justin mumbled, "Cos I did" he answered without
waiting.

And that's how the walk back to the hotel went: Joey and Chris talking a
couple of metres behind JC, Justin and I.  Whilst JC and I talked, Justin had a
conversation with himself.

Eventually we were all in the lift back at the hotel.  The doors opened onto
N'Sync's floor and the four guys piled out.  Joey and Chris headed off to
Chris' room to talk whilst JC tried to drag Justin out of the lift.

"Could you help get him back to his room?" JC asked me as he practically
dropped Justin so that his legs were in the lift but his head was in the hallway.
To add to it all Justin decided this would be a good time to start to sing.

"He'd better not be this bad a singer when he's sober!" I half shouted to JC
cringing as Justin missed every other note.  JC just smiled and grabbed hold
of Justin's left shoulder whilst I took the right.  After much struggling we
hoisted Justin back upright.

"Oh, hi guys!" Justin said as if he'd just opened the door to us.

"Let's get you to bed" I said as we headed towards his room.

"Whatever you say mister!" Justin said and tried to salute but only succeeded
in hitting himself in the eye.  I looked over at JC and said:

"That tenth tequila was such a bad idea!"

"And it's not even morning yet!" JC said back laughing.

JC and I eventually got Justin into his bed where upon he promptly fell fast
asleep.  We both stood there for a few seconds before JC spoke up:

"We'd best be going, it's nearly 2am and we've gotta leave tomorrow."

"Shit, I forgot.  Why do you guys have such a tight schedule?"  I asked
feigning a complaint.

"Hey, talk to Lance, he sorts all that type of stuff out"  JC said as he turned to
the door.

"JC" I said

"What?"

"I think I best use Justin's toilet" I replied as a wave of nausea over took me.

"Sure, I'll leave you to it.  Night"

"See you tomorrow JC" I said as he pulled the door so it was almost closed
behind him and I quickly walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

I turned on the light and stared at my reflection in the mirror.  I looked like
death warmed up.

"Shit!" I mumbled rubbing my face with my hand.  By now the nausea had
past.  I quickly put some cold water on my face and left the bathroom.

"JC?" came a rather sorry-sounding voice.

"No Justin, its me Darren" I said wandering towards the edge of the bed.  "You
feeling any better?"

"Better than what?  Last thing I remember is sitting at the bar with you."  Justin
said in a very confused voice.

"You are gonna have the mother of all hangovers tomorrow Justin" I laughed.

"I don't feel so good now"

"Shit, don't throw up in bed!" I said with urgency as I leant across Justin to pull
him into a sitting position.  Doing so put my face so close to his I could feel his
warm breath on my cheek.  Once he was sitting I shifted my face so that we
were practically nose-to-nose.

"You feeling any better?" I asked putting the back of my hand to his forehead
and looking into his eyes to check his health.

"A little, yeah" Justin said staring right back into my eyes.  We held that pose
for a few seconds, each of us peering into the other's soul.  Before I noticed
Justin moved his head slightly forward and our lips brushed.  I don't know
what came over me, but it felt wonderful, like electricity dancing along every
nerve in my body.  Justin gently brought his hand up and stroked my cheek.  I
closed my eyes and opened my lips to accept his waiting tongue.

"Hey, Justin what's your door doin' open?" came Joey's voice just before he
flipped the lights on and caught an eye-full.  "What the fuck!" he yelled.

I pulled away from Justin and stood up.  Justin turned his head away.  No-one
said anything for a second.  Joey's eyes glanced back and forth between
Justin and me.

"What were you doing to him Darren!?"  Joey suddenly yelled at me.  "How
dare you take advantage of Justin, especially when he's drunk!"

"I didn't do anything like that Joey"  I tried to argue back but he just leapt at
me, forcing me back against the wall with his forearm across my neck.

"Just what the fuck were you doing then Darren?" Joey yelled straight into my
face, flecks of his saliva landing on my skin.  I didn't have any real answer to
that; I didn't actually know what had happened.  Joey took my silence as an
admission of guilt.  He pulled his spare hand back and punched me in the
stomach simultaneously releasing his other so that I fell to the floor.  Justin
came up behind Joey and tried to stop him, but Joey just pushed he back.

I was lying on the floor foetus-style trying to figure out how to get out of this
situation.  Joey was stood over me yelling obscenities and trying to pull me
upright again.  I eventually found myself standing, leaning against the wall
while Justin stood behind Joey trying to restrain him as his fist once again flew
towards me.

"What is going on here!?"  JC yelled running into the fray pulling Joey off me
with Justin's help.

"Darren here was about to take advantage of Justin!" Joey spat out as he
turned away from me.

"Is that true?" JC demanded.  I blinked, trying to think what to say when Justin
came to the rescue.

"I kissed him."  Justin said lowly.

"What?" JC and Joey said together.

"I kissed Darren, he did nothing."  Justin looked from JC to Joey and then to
me.  His eyes were ringed with red.  "Shit look at your mouth Darren!"

I reached up and touched the corner of my mouth and looked at my hand.  It
was red from blood, my blood.  Now I've never been to good around blood,
especially my own, add that to the tequila and recent pummelling and I just
passed out.

I opened my eyes to find myself back on the floor.  JC and Justin were
knelling over me and Joey had left the room.  Justin was holding a damp cloth
to the corner of my mouth while JC was going through my pockets.

"Damn JC, never took you for that kinda guy" I said groggily.

"Don't get your hopes up, I'm looking for your room key."  JC laughed.  "And I
don't find it."

"Must have fallen out sometime," Justin said scanning the floor for it.

"Probably lost it in the club" JC said "You can sleep in Lance's bed, he ain't
gonna be needing it."

"Cheers you guys." I said as I stood up we all made our way to Lance's room
where JC pulled a key-card out of his pocket and opened the door.

I practically collapsed on the bed and was asleep before JC and Justin left.

I was awoken by people talking outside in the hall.  I opened my eyes slightly
and rolled over to glance at the clock.  It was 4:30am.  I let out a groan and
fell back onto the pillow, pulling the duvet over my head in an attempt to get
back to sleep.  Just then the talking stopped and someone opened the door.

"Hey Darren, you awake?" came Lance's voice.

"Yeah, what you doing back?" I said as I sat up in bed to look at Lance.

"I only twisted my ankle, so after sitting in the ER for a few hours they just told
me to go home" he laughed as he limped into the room.

"Shit, let me give you a hand" I said pushing back the covers and jumping out
of bed over to where Lance was standing.

"Made yourself at home I see" Lance smiled and pointed at me.  I looked
down to see that I was only wearing my boxers.

"Oh god, JC and Justin must have taken my shirt and trousers off for me" I
tried to hide my embarrassment.  Luckily the room was still dark enough to
hide the crimson colour of my cheeks.  I offered Lance my shoulder and we
made our way over to the bed.

"If your leg was only twisted what was all the swelling due to?" I inquired.

"Turns out it was some sort of allergic reaction.  The nurses just pumped me
full of painkillers and antihistamines before kicking me out of the hospital"
Lance laughed.

"Well at least there's nothing major wrong." I offered

"JC told me about tonight," Lance said quietly after a short pause.  I practically
dropped him in shock.

"He told you everything?" I asked in a worried tone.

"Everything."  Lance confirmed in a saddened voice.  "I'm sorry about Joey,
he was just protecting Justin."

"I know.  I've forgiven him."  I said sitting Lance down on the bed.  He began
to remove his shoes and trousers.  "Umm, I'll go and get the sofa ready" I said
to excuse my self from watching Lance get changed.

"Like hell you will, you're sleeping in this bed.  It's easily big enough for the
two of us." Lance said.

"You sure Lance?  I don't want to cause even more trouble." I asked
sheepishly.

"It'll be fine.  Now are you coming to bed or are you planning on remaining
awake until we leave?"  I laughed lightly and got into bed next to Lance.

I lay on my back with my arms behind my head, staring up to the darkened
ceiling.  Lance obviously sensed my unease.

"It'll be okay, though Justin's going to have a lot of explaining to do with
Britney" Lance said quietly.

"Britney?  What's she got to do with this?" I asked turning my head towards
Lance.  In the half-dark I could just make out his face.  What light there was
seemed to dance around his irises making his eyes stand out.

"Britney and Justin are going out." Lance stated with a hint of an apology in
his voice.

"Oh" was all I could say.  I kept the eye contact for a few more seconds before
turning my attention back to the ceiling.

"Lance?" I asked quietly after a few minutes, hoping that he was still awake.

"Yeah"

"Why did you storm out of your dressing room anyway?"

"I guess I was real pissed off with Chris' attitude to you.  He always pulls this
when one of us makes a friend that he doesn't know well and he shouldn't
have said the things he did.  He had no right." Lance explained.

"He has a right to an opinion, even if we both don't like it" I replied.  Lance
made a noise as if he was going to say something, but then he thought better
of it.

"Night Darren" Lance said after a short pause.

"G'night Lance" I replied.

'Going out with Britney!' my mind echoed Lance's voice.  'What is going on?'  I
asked.  'He was drunk; it was a slip-up that's all.  He's dating Britney Spears
for god's sake, he is not gay' my mind supplied the answer.  'Hey what do I
care if Justin's gay or not?' I was perplexed by my train of thought.  'I don't
fancy him, do I?'  I lay there, battling with my own mind, going over the night's
events repeatedly only to come back to the same questions again and again.

I must have fallen asleep at some point because I was woken when I heard
the bathroom door slam closed.  I forced my eyes to open slowly, getting them
accustomed to the morning light.

When I finally managed to focus them I saw Lance with his back to me
leaning over his suitcase, fishing for clothes.   Then something on my mind
clicked, Lance was naked!  He had obviously had a shower because his hair
was matted to his head and a towel lay on the bed.

I coughed, looking at anything in the room apart from Lance's body.

"Fuck, you're awake!" Lance yelled as he spun around.  I glanced towards
him, hoping that he would have covered up, but he hadn't and I was greeted
with a view of Lance's crown jewels.

"God!  Lance, have some dignity boy!" I said covering my eyes with my hands,
tired of waiting for Lance, not before I saw his face as he realised he was still
naked as the day he was born.

"Oh... fu... sorry!" Lance said as he desperately pulled on some clothes.  I
tried not to smile at his flustered-sounding voice.  There were sounds of
Lance moving around swiftly and pulling on clothes, then a loud thump and a
muffled grunt of pain.  I opened my eyes and Lance had gone.  Startled, I sat
up, pushing the duvet off me.

"Lance?" I called out.

"Down here" came a very sheepish voice.  I crawled down the bed and peered
over the end to find Lance on his back with his T-shirt  on one arm and
wrapped around his head whilst his trousers were in knots around his ankles.
I just bit my lower lip at the scene, trying not to laugh.

"I'm just gonna go to the bathroom, Lance" I said as if nothing was amiss with
the situation.  He just nodded so that the back of his head banged on the
floor.  I got to the bathroom door and just before stepping in I turned back.

"Hey, Lance.  Do you want me to call JC or something?"

"Why?" came Lance's voice from under his T-shirt.

"To help you dress yourself."  I said still keeping my laughter on tight rain.
Lance just turned his T-shirt wrapped head towards me and gave me the
finger.  I finally let my laughter go as I closed the bathroom door behind me.

I showered quickly and tried to make myself look presentable before leaving
the bathroom.  I glanced around; Lance was sitting on the end of the bed
reading some official-looking piece of paper.

"Hey, you always working or something?" I asked as I grabbed my clothes
from where they'd been left the night before.  I walked back into the bathroom
and closed the door so that it was just ajar.  Whilst I pulled on my clothes from
the previous night Lance got up from the bed and began to move around the
room.

"Do you wanna come and have breakfast with the guys?" Lance called out.

"I don't think I will ever eat again after the sight I woke up to this morning" I
laughed pushing open the bathroom door and walking into the room.
"Besides I'm more in the mood for an aspirin breakfast." I rubbed my head
subconsciously as the dull pain in my head made sure it had my full attention.

"Seriously though, do you want to?" Lance stopped what he was doing and
looked right at me.

"I don't think it would be a good idea." I sighed, "Besides I've got to get back
into my room"

"Look, go and get a spare key from reception and met me in JC's room in, say
half an hour?" Lance said leaving me with no real escape.

"Yeah, okay" I relented "see you in thirty minutes."  I opened the door and was
half out of it when I turned my head back.  "Which room is JC's?"

"The one before mine" Lance said as he sifted through a small mountain of
paper, his mind already back on his work.

Half an hour later the lift doors opened onto N'Sync's floor, I stepped out and
walked to JC's room.  Muffled voices came from within.  I knocked and before
I had chance to wait Justin opened the door.

"Hey" I said avoiding eye contact.  Justin was obviously embarrassed as well.

"I thought you were the food." Justin said quietly as he turned to walk back to
where he had been sitting.

"I heard you made the same mistake last night," Chris said without humour.
He was sitting on a chair near the French doors which opened out onto a
balcony.  Lance was on the floor whilst JC and Justin sat on the end of the
bed.

"Fuck you Chris!" Justin spat.  "It's none of your business what happened last
night!"  I avoided the eyes that all glanced towards me trying to gauge my
reaction.

"Where's Joey?" I wondered out loud.

"Right here" Joey said emerging from the bathroom.  He went over and sat on
the side of the bed.  I wandered over and sat on the floor next to Lance.

"What's all this paperwork for anyway Lance?" I asked, "Someone die?"
Lance laughed lightly.

"It's for 'FreeLance'" my blank look prompted more information, "My
management company" Lance clarified.

"Really?  You have time to manage groups as well as do your own stuff?" I
asked.  "I barely have time to sleep after I've sorted all my stuff out!"

"Get back into your room OK then Darren?" JC asked gesturing towards my
clean clothes.

"Yeah" I said, "I grabbed a spare from reception.  You'd never guess what
though.  Some guy tried to get into my room last night!"

"What?" Lance said.

"Turns out this guy found the key and tried to rob me.  Luckily security
stopped him and because his name wasn't down the threw him out."  I
finished.  JC, Chris, and Lance looked mildly shocked.  Joey was avoiding
looking in my direction and Justin had found a very interesting mark on the
carpet which he was poking with his toe.  The room descended into an
uncomfortable silence.

"Alright, enough already" I said loudly causing everyone to look at me.
"Everyone stop pussyfooting around what you all obviously want to talk
about!"

"Darren, man.  I'm really sorry..." Joey started, breaking the silence.

"Don't worry, I forgave you before falling asleep last night Joe.  You were only
trying to protect Justin." I said, "and besides, you can hardly see the cut" I
laughed pointing out the small scab in the corner of my mouth to Joey.

"Darren..." Justin began.

"Justin, I have nothing to say to you." I cut him off curtly.

"But, I" Justin tried to begin again.

"Just, I..." I stopped him again and realising I actually had nothing to say gave
up.  "Just shut up, you've done enough."

"Darren, Justin deserves the right to say his piece" JC said.  I looked up into
JC's eyes and then shifted my gaze to take in Justin's.

"Whatever" I said, defeated.

"Darren, I.  I don't know where to begin."  Justin said sounding deflated.

"How about why you kissed Darren" Chris offered harshly.  I looked at Justin,
Chris' question written on my face.

"I don't know" Justin hung his head.  That really enraged me.

"You don't fucking know!?" I yelled, standing.  "You don't know why you
kissed me?  Or you don't know why you cheated on Britney?" Justin lifted his
head and looked into my eyes, fear and pain were clearly evident in his eyes.
"How about this Justin, you don't know why you've placed me in a practically
impossible situation?" I jabbed my finger towards him on the 'you'.  Lance
stood behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder; I shrugged it off and
continued:

"You've screwed with my feelings and Britney's, not to mention your friends'
here!" I yelled at Justin.  You could practically see that something broke inside
him.

"I don't know why I did any of it, it was a big mistake!" Justin cried out from
behind his tears.  JC shook his head at Justin's comment.

"A 'mistake'?" I said with sarcasm.  "Well thank you so much!"

"No!  I didn't mean that" Justin said quickly, "I liked the kiss..."  I couldn't bare
to listen to any more, I just walked out the first door I saw, and tripped over
the toilet!

'Shit' I thought, leaning over the sink holding my head.  'What just happened?'
Just the there was a light knock at the door.  Whoever it was didn't wait for a
response and opened the door, closing it behind them quickly.  I turned my
head so that I could see their reflection in the mirror over the sink.

"Darren, I am so truly, deeply sorry." Justin quietly said from the over by the
door.  I looked into the reflection of his eyes, both his and mine were tinged
red from being bloodshot.

"I can't believe you're going out with Britney" I calmly said as I turned to face
the real Justin.  "You betrayed someone's trust Justin" I stated as if he didn't
realise that already.  "I never took you to be someone who'd do that."  I
pushed past Justin and out off the bathroom.  Everyone else was still as
they'd been before I had gone into the bathroom.  As I walked past him, Justin
grabbed my shoulder.

"I was drunk Darren.  It's not an excuse, I know, but bear it mind"  he said, his
voice begging for forgiveness.

"I'll see you around."  I said looking into Justin's eyes but speaking to
everyone in the room before walking out of JC's room.

I headed back to my floor and my own room where I spent most of the rest of
the day sorting out business over the phone with my seemingly inept
management.

Chapter Seven

It was 6:30pm when I slammed the phone down as someone knocked on my
door.  I prised myself out of my chair and over to the door.

I opened it to find Lance standing there with a room service trolley.

"You had dinner yet?" Lance said pushing me out of the door and his way into
the room with the trolley.  I raised my left hand, in which I was still holding my
half-eaten sandwich.  "Oh, well I haven't." Lance continued when he saw the
half-eaten snack, "What have you been doing all day, your hotel phone and
cell have been engaged for hours?"

"I've been trying to sort out my album" I said collapsing on the bed.  "Why do I
pay someone to manage all my affairs as I wish, who then goes and sides
with the enemy?" I asked rhetorically and rather cryptically.

"Management troubles" Lance stated rather than asked.

"Yeah, but they're all sorted now.  I quoted 'Clause 36' in my contract: full
artistic control.  Bet those executives are kicking themselves over that now" I
laughed.

"Full freedom?" Lance asked sounding a little shocked, "We've only just
managed to get that!"

"It's just something my solicitors pegged onto the contract, I doubt any of the
executives who signed it thought I'd actually use it against them.  What y'got
there?" I changed the subject and indicated Lance's trolley.

"Oh, everyone else has gone out and left me here to 'recuperate' so I thought
I'd come and annoy you for a few hours.  It's just the classics for a night in; a
bunch of crappy films, an unhealthily large pile of snack food," Lance lifted the
lid of each item in turn doing his best impression of a cheesy game show prize
girl, "And the grand prize tonight Darren..."

"It's a washing machine isn't" I shouted like an audience member.  Lance just
gave me a 'look' and carried on.

"Alcohol!" Lance announced as if he'd struck gold.  By now we were too into
the joking to stop.  I slid off the end of the bed and 'drunkenly' crawled over to
the small stash of bottles and proceeded to kiss each one.  I stopped when I
reached the tequila bottle.

"I remember this whore from last night" I said looking at Lance, "She had a lot
of explaining to do."  We were both biting our lips and contorting our faces,
trying not to laugh.  We both failed simultaneously and fell about in fits of
laughter.

Lance proceeded to set up the video whilst I made my self comfortable on the
bed.  When he had finished Lance hopped onto the bed to sit beside me.

We sat in silence through the first film, slowly getting tipsy.  While the video
rewound Lance nipped to the toilet.  I remained on the bed, intently studying
the label on my beer bottle as my mind strayed back to Justin and the events
of the previous night.  Lance emerged from the bathroom and walked back to
the bed.  His ankle was doing a lot better obviously.

"Won't be too long before you're dancing again" I said pointing towards
Lance's injured knee.

"Well I'm still on painkillers, but it wasn't a bad twist so a couple more days I'd
say."  Lance stated flopping down next to me.  "Hey.  What's with the long
face?" Lance asked.

"What?" My mind was still on the bottle whose label I was now carefully
removing.  "I was just thinking about stuff."  I said to throw Lance off.

"'Stuff' as in last night."  Lance stated.

"Yeah" I sighed.  Justin had been on my mind since breakfast.  I was still very
annoyed at what he'd done, but my feelings were mellowing now.  "I've just
had like a hundred and one questions going round and round in my head all
day"

"What Justin did, it threw us all Darren."  Lance said with a sympathetic smile
on his face.  We sat for a minute or so, contemplating our thoughts on the
subject.

"Lance, what is Justin and Britney's relationship like?"  I asked, biting my lip.

"Well, to be honest, I don't know."  Lance spoke carefully, making sure to put
his thoughts clearly, "I never felt a spark between those two, but they've been
friends for a long time.  I guess that it's not my idea of a loving relationship as
they'd like us all to believe, but they'll stay together because of their
friendship.  In fact he is out tonight with Britney.  She flew in for some promo
stuff this afternoon, it's a pity we'll be leaving in the morning."

"Do you think was I too hard on him?"

"He was very drunk Darren, and he has apologised"  Lance said simply.  "But
he did do it behind Britney's back."  Lance finished clearly not sure of his own
stance on Justin's actions.

"Why's it always you who talks me down when I get pissed off at Justin?" I
asked Lance rhetorically to ease the mood in the room.  With that we just laid
back and watched the second video.

That night, after Lance had left, as I lay in my bed I decided that I had been
too hard on Justin.  It was a stupid mistake he'd made and everyone makes
them without meaning harm.  I made my mind up to apologise as quickly as
possible.

We were due to leave the hotel at 11am, it was now 9 o'clock, and I had
already packed all my stuff up.  I was on my floor which was a couple of floors
above the N'Sync one.  Because I was a solo artist and only an opening act,
the tour manager arranged that I shared a floor with all the personnel that
were associated with me such as my representatives from my management,
record company, my P.R., choreographer, etc.

I was pacing the corridor waiting to get up enough courage to go and speak to
Justin.

"Hey!  Darren, I didn't expect you to be up so early!"  Steven Clark, one of my
dancers yelled down the corridor as he emerged from his room.

"I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep"  I stated.

"And now you've done everything and have two hours to fill?"  Steven finished
as he walked over to where I was pacing.

"Well, I have one thing to do," I said, "But I need to build up some courage
first."

"Sounds important" Steve said simply.  Steve was probably the person with
whom I had bonded most out of my crew.  He was one of my five dancers and
was also gay.  He had a boyfriend back home and when we had first joined
the tour we spent several evenings together moping over our personal
problems.  Steve was wearing a black bathrobe and he had obviously just had
a shower as his short blonde hair was still damp and un-styled.  "The dancers
are all having breakfast together in Lucy's room if you want to join us?" Steve
asked.

"No.  I've already eaten, and I really ought to see to this business." I replied.

"Sure.  See you on the bus." Steve said before heading into Siobhan's room.

With that I gathered what courage I had and headed for the lift and N'Sync's
floor.

The lift doors opened onto a scene straight from a madhouse.  Security,
executives, and a whole host of other people were rushing around finalising
everything for when we left.  From what I managed to pick out from the dozen
or so arguments and conversations, the equipment trucks had gone AWOL
between here and the next venue.

I ignored the mêlée and walked down the hallway to JC's room where I knew
they all ate breakfast.  I knocked on the door and after a couple of second's
wait Joey opened it.

"Hey, is Justin here?" I asked trying to look past Joey to see who was in the
room.

"No, he's in his room with Britney." Joey said, stressing 'Britney'.

"Oh, okay.  Can you tell him that I need to talk to him please?" I asked.  Joey
rolled his eyes in annoyance, but nodded anyway.  I stood waiting for Joey to
invite me in or say something, but he just remained where he was, wearing a
look which said 'why are you still here?'  After a minute or so I gave in.

"I'll see you in Denver then I guess" I said as I backed away from the door.
Joey simply nodded and closed the door before I'd even turned.

I knew Chris really disliked me, hey, he practically wanted never to have
crossed paths with me, but people like that you know where you stand.  Chris
didn't like me, that's fair enough.   Joey on the other hand seemed to change
his opinion of me more often than his socks.  First he was cold, then he
apologised and we seemed to get along fine and now he was just as bad as
Chris.  I never knew what to expect Joey to do next when it came it me.

Anyway, I was left standing in the hallway staring at JC's door and I still had
time to fill before the buses left.

I wandered around the hotel for a while, not really knowing what to do with
myself.  I eventually found myself sitting in the hotel lobby.  I was drinking a
coffee amongst a sea of 'comfy' seating which was all set out at right angles
to make sure any homely feelings given off by the settees and chairs was
obliterated.  Someone had thought to grab my suitcase from my room and put
it on the coach which was now waiting with N'Sync's for the last few stragglers
and the performers themselves.

One of the lifts behind me pinged to announce its arrival and as its doors slid
open four familiar voices echoed out over the lobby.  I turned my head in the
direction of the lift and peered over the sofa's low back.  Three members of
N'Sync strode out of the lift accompanied by a limping Lance with a glum-
looking Justin bringing up the rear.  Whilst the others rushed off to get the
luggage sorted Justin scuffed his feet making sure that the walk to the bus
was not a quick one.

I bit my lower lip and stood, raising my hand a little to catch Justin's attention.
It worked and his miserable face perked up, I think there may have even been
a slight smile (or that could just have been my ego trying to see things that
weren't there).

"Morning Justin" I said sheepishly as we approached each other.

"Hey Darren" Justin replied, equally shakily.

"I need to tell you something..." I started as we make proper eye contact.  I
could tell that he knew what I was about to say.

"Hey!  Darren!"  Yelled Joey as he ran over "Don't you think you've said
enough?"

"Joey, I can fight my own battles!" Justin said forcefully.

"Hey.  I just don't want to see you kiss Darren again!" Joey said, his voice
laden with distain.

"Fuck you Joey.  This is between me and Darren, it's none of your business!"
Justin hissed in response.

"N'Sync?" Joey asked sarcastically pointing to the five members, "I think it is
my business."

"You guys" Lance called out from over by the doors before Justin had time to
reply, "The buses are leaving."

Joey smiled in mock politeness and headed over to the hotel doors leaving
Justin and I alone once more.

"I guess I tell you in Denver" I said.

"Like hell you will!  You're on our bus today" Justin said grabbing my arm and
pulling me off towards the N'Sync coach.  "Besides I've got something to tell
you too."

I walked with Justin, stopping to inform my people about where I was going to
be for the journey.  The other members of N'Sync were loading the luggage
into the bus's hold as Justin pushed me up the three or four steps onto the
bus.

N'Sync's bus was similar to the one I travelled on, only newer and nicer and
without the smelly socks Steve left everywhere.  As you got on you walked
past the area for the driver's bunk, then there was a small booth-style dinning
area followed by a small kitchen/galley after that were the bunks for the group.
The bunks were stacked three high, floor to ceiling on both sides of the coach,
there were storage lockers at the ends of the bunks then on one side the
shower in its own little room opposite the toilet-room.  Finally at the rear of the
coach was a large 'lounge' complete with entertainment centre.

Justin took me straight to the back of the bus and closed and locked to door to
the lounge area.

"So, what did you want to tell me?" Justin said bright-eyed as he jumped onto
the soft seating that curved right around the rear of the coach.  I slowly
removed my bag from my shoulder and sat down rather more tensely beside
him.

"I just wanted to apologise for treating you like some slag who only kissed me
to get at me.  I understand what you meant by 'mistake' and I hope that we
can be friends still." I spoke the words to my pre-planned speech exactly as I
wanted, the response I got was somewhat different from my expectations
though.

"Oh, OK" Justin said lightly.  "You thought I would hate you for what you said?
I should be apologising not you!"

"No, you did that already.  Let's just put it all behind us and move on"  I said.

"Sure"  Justin's replied.

"What's on your mind then?" I asked.

Justin dropped his eyes to gaze at his wringing hands.

"Britney asked me to marry her" he said with more than a note of confusion in
his voice, "And I said yes."

"Is that a good thing?" I asked to make sure I offered the advice Justin wanted
to hear.

"Yes, but... I don't know.  It's just weird I guess" Justin tried to explain.

"Justin" I said placing my hands on his to stop his fidgeting.  His lifted his face
to make eye contact.  Once again I found myself staring deep into Justin's
soul.  "You and Britney have been good friends for years, and even though I
never seen you two together from what I've heard you two will be friends
forever."

"What about love though?" Justin sighed.

"You love her right?" I asked.

"Yes, I think, I mean how do you know when you meet the love of your life.
How do you know there's not someone better waiting around the corner?"
Justin asked, his eyes full of fear and worry.

"I don't know.  I guess you just feel it when it happens" I tried to ease Justin's
fears.

Just as I finished talking the bus started its engine and began to pull away.

"What you guys up to back there?" JC's voice came through the lock door.
Chris made some comment that wasn't quite loud enough to get through the
door but which opened up old wounds.

"Chris haven't you learnt anything!" Lance said loudly slamming a door.
Justin and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes together causing us both
to smile.

"We'd best put in an appearance before your group descends into a
recreation of 'Fight Club'" I laughed, standing from the sofa.

"Yeah.  Chris really needs to learn when to keep his thoughts to himself"
Justin commented as he stood.

I opened the door and we both stuck our heads out to look down the bus.
After all the noise, there wasn't anyone to be seen.

"Have they all jumped out the window or something?" I asked jokingly.

JC's arm emerged from where he was sitting in the booth up at the front.

"Hey, where is everyone?" Justin asked as we walked up to where JC was.

"Well I'm here" came Joey's voice from where he was sitting next to JC,
"Lance is in the shower and Chris is sulking in his bunk."

"What was all the shouting about?" I asked JC and Joey as I sat down in the
booth while Justin grabbed a drink from the fridge.

"I have no idea, Joey and I were up here when they started up again" JC
replied.  Justin placed his drink on the table for a second as he sat down.  In
that time JC snatched it from the other side of the table and took a swig.

"Hey, get off my drink!" Justin said indignantly as JC passed the can back.

"I don't get those two" Joey said wafting his hand down the bus to where
Lance and Chris were, "They just can't stop fighting."

"It's because Chris makes immature comments about Darren" Justin pointed
out.

"Not always, Lance is always jumping down Chris' neck, like everything Chris
says is a personal insult or something." Joey replied.

"Whatever it is, they're pissing us all off.  They've got to work it out soon,
we're all on tour together for another seven weeks yet!" JC said angrily as he
leaned so that his comment was heard down the other end of the bus.

The four of us remained in the booth for a short while before JC decided to go
and read in the 'lounge' and Joey decided he needed more sleep.

I shifted in my seat so that I was kneeling on it and facing the window that was
previously behind my head.

"Have you told the guys about the engagement?" I asked as the scenery flash
by the window.

"Yeah.  They're real happy about it, especially Chris" Justin replied as he
assumed a position similar to mine.

We both sat like that for a few minutes.

"Do you miss your home?" Justin asked out of the blue.

"Do you miss yours?" I asked in response as I leaned my forehead against the
gently vibrating glass.

"Yes, but I spend a lot of my time in my home country.  You're, like, thousands
of miles away from your home in a different country." Justin said.

"I do miss England," I began rather wistfully, "But my mum's house hasn't
been my home for a long time.  The past year or so my family life has been
less then ideal."

"But still, it's your home." Justin tried to argue.

"The countryside is, the lifestyle is, the towns and cities are, but I don't have
an actual home over there anymore.  That's why I moved over here." I said
trying to evade obvious questions.

"My family aren't exactly your typical nuclear family either, but I still think of
home as home."

"Well, I never felt at home in my childhood house and it all came to a head
about a year ago when my parents split.  It really galvanised my idea to move
far, far away." I said rolling my head against the glass so that I was facing
Justin who also had his head against the window.

"Where do you live now then?" Justin asked.

"I've just had a new house built on the outskirts of New York.  I like it round
that region, everywhere is named after places in the UK." I laughed.

"Like New York and New Jersey?" Justin said.

"Well New York ain't much like York, and New Jersey's not an island, so they
don't really remind me of..." I stopped short as pain flashed through my skull.

"Ouch!" we both said together as the bus went over a bump causing us both
to bang our heads against the window.  We looked at each other rather
sheepishly, both rubbing our heads, and cracked a grin.  We both shifted so
that we were sitting in our original positions again around the table.

"What are you doing about rings?" I asked noticing that Justin had no
engagement ring on.

"We decided that neither of us could risk wearing one.  If a reporter saw it we
could kiss good bye to a quiet wedding" Justin explained whilst
subconsciously rubbing his ring finger.

"You're planning for a small ceremony then?" I asked, intrigued about how two
megastars were going to get hitched un-noticed by the media.

"Yeah.  We've decided to have a small wedding.  You know friends and family
only.  Small, private, quiet and quick is what we want" Justin explained briefly.

"Quick?" I said raising my eyebrows in wonder, "You've set a date then?"

"Britney wanted it to be done quickly as we've known each other for so long
there's no point in protracting the engagement out.  We're going for a couple
of weeks, just enough time to get family out for it."

"Wow, that is quick" I exclaimed.

"I would have already have been done if Britney had her way." Justin said.  I
raised my questioning eyebrow again, prompting Justin to explain further.
"She wanted to get married straight away without friends or family being there,
but I talked her round to giving them all time to come out for it."

"I wish I had someone to marry" I sighed.

"No you don't" Justin replied, "It's nothing but trouble."

"You've only been engaged 12 hours, how hard could it be already?" I
laughed.

"Well, from talking to Brit last night I can tell she has already got 'her' wedding
planned.  I've got to work hard to get that to 'our' wedding." Justin tried to
explain.

"I think I get where you're coming from." I said

"So you're not with anyone?" Justin said, picking up on my previous comment.

"No.  The only people I've met in the past few months are industry-types who
see me as 'the gay guy' and think I'm some political activist.  You'd really be
amazed how when people think you have an 'agenda' they don't see you as a
real person" I said playing with my silver thumb ring.  "I'm a working artist, not
a campaigner for gay rights."

"I always hate the way some fans and people in the media see me only as a
celebrity.  I swear some of them would be amazed to find I actually go to the
toilet like a 'normal' person." Justin said.  We both laughed lightly.

"Is Britney going to change her name after the wedding?" I asked.

"No.  She wants to make sure she's seen as an independent artist." Justin
replied with the tiniest hints of sarcasm in his voice.  "What about your name
Darren?" It was not lost on me how quickly Justin changed the subject.

"What about it?" I asked.

"Your name is Darren Filkin, yet your CD says Darren Gallouédec on it" Justin
explained.

"Well Gallouédec is my mum's maiden name, I decided to use that because
it's more unique than Filkin.  Plus I was very pissed off at my dad when I
made the decision." I replied.

"It's definitely unique" Justin agreed, "Is it French or something?"

"Yeah.  My mother's side are all from France."

"Do they still live there?"

"Yeah.  I used to visit my grandparents during the school holidays back at
home.  I haven't seen them for ages." I said with longing in my voice.

"I'd love to visit France properly.  Come to think about it I'd love to visit any of
the countries I've been to properly." Justin mused to himself.  "We never get
to see anything of a country a part from the road from the airport to the hotel
and then the road to the venue." Justin expanded to clarify his previous
statement.

"Well you're always welcome to come along next time I go." I offered.

"This may be an odd question" Justin began, "But why are you here in the US
if you could have moved to France?  I know where I'd live if I got the chance."

"I can live in loads of countries, I'm a European citizen.  I could move to live in
Madrid, Venice, or Athens if I felt like it.  I just wanted to move away from
people I knew.  If I'd remained in Europe I couldn't ignore them all and move
on." I said, trying to explain my thoughts.  Unconsciously I had begun to rub
my thumbnails across the table surface making a quiet rasping noise.

"Oh" Justin sensed my animosity towards to the subject and shifted the
direction of his questioning, "So how come you moved here specifically?"

"My paternal grandparents, who died twenty-odd years ago were American."  I
answered as I stared at my fingers.

"Oh, I'm sorry" Justin said, his expression saddening slightly.

"I know, but they couldn't help where they were born" I said grinning at him.
In response Justin gently shoulder barged me.

"Ha, ha.  Very funny." Justin said sarcastically.  Just then a commotion
emanating from the rear of the coach signalled Lance's emergence from the
shower.  Soft footsteps made their way up to where Justin and I were sitting.

"Hey" Lance said simply as he wandered over to grab a drink from the kitchen
area.

"Ah" Justin said yawning, "I think I'm gonna try and get some shut-eye if you
two don't mind."  With that Justin stood and headed back down the bus.

"What were you two talking about?" Lance said as he took up Justin's seat
next to me.

"Nothing much" I replied as my eyes took in the sight before me.  Lance was
still wearing only a towel wrapped tightly around his slender waist.  His skin
was still damp from the shower causing it to shimmer in the light, accentuating
the lines of his gently defined chest.  His blonde hair was messy from being
towel-dried inviting a hand to comb through it and ease it out.  But most
striking of all were his eyes, those green pools in which you can see all the
emotions of Lance's years.  Those eyes are more than just the doorway to
Lance's soul; they could easily be the gateway to heaven.  "What happened
with you and Chris?" I asked.  Lance's eyes grew visibly darker.

"Nothing" Lance said briskly, "He's just a dickhead without a clue."

"Well, he must have said something" I said, attempting to prompt a little more
from Lance.  He exhaled sharply.

"He was just bitching about you and Justin again.  It seems that Chris is quite
the little homophobe." I raised my eyebrows questioningly causing Lance to
elaborate, "He doesn't seem to believe that a gay guy can have a platonic
relationship with another guy."

"You shouldn't let him get to you.  Yous lot have work together as a group." I
replied.  Lance giggled lightly under his breath.  "What?" I asked, wondering
what was so funny.

"What is up with the way you speak?" Lance said, still laughing.

"Nothing, it's my accent that's all"

"I have never heard an English accent like that before," Lance said before
impersonating me, "Nuffin', itz me accen' tha's awl.  You seem to have a
vendetta against the letters T and H."  I laughed at his poor attempt at a
midlands accent.

"Well for starters there is no such thing as an 'English' accent apart from how
the Queen speaks.  I speak the way I do because I was raised in the East
Midlands and I'm proud of that"

"I never really thought that there were lots of different accents in England, it's
so small that I didn't think it would vary that much" Lance said.

"It is small country, England's about the size of Florida" I said, "But I speak
differently to a person who grew up 15 miles away from me."  Lance's eyes
bulged slightly.

"Are you serious?" he questioned.

"Yeah, it's a small difference, but it's there.  The difference is greater
elsewhere though.  Liverpool and Manchester are two cities about 20 miles
apart, their accents are so different it's as if they're from separate countries."

"And I thought American accents varied" Lance exclaimed, his voice inflected
with a hint of a southern accent.  It was my turn to laugh now.  "What?"

"Well your accent's weird sounding to me."

"What does it sound like?" Lance asked.

"Well all American accents sound slow," Lance raised his eyebrows in
humorous anger, "It's just you all have long vowels compared to back home.
Southern accents are the worst.  I don't how people can put up with such slow
communication."

"It's not slow at all," Lance said exaggerating his accent now.  "Some of us
speakers of English like to pronounce all our le'us"  He pronounced 'letters' as
I would on a particularly bad day.  We both grinned.

"Are you gonna get dress or what?" I asked, indicating Lance's rather
minimalist attire.

"I don't like the idea of going back there.  Feel's like I'd be walking into the
lion's den or something." Lance explained.

"He'll be asleep b'now" I said.

"Nu'uh" Lance shook his head, "Chris will sulk until someone gives him
sympathy, which I don't think will be forthcoming in the near future."

"Yeah, everyone seems really pissed off at him, well apart from Joey" I
mused.

"Joey's been Chris's closest friend for a while.  It's hard for him, he doesn't
want to damage his friendship over Chris's delusions."

"You mean that Chris thinks I'm a single-mind pervert with eyes for Justin," I
paused, waiting for a response from Lance.  His silence was a reluctant
agreement, "It makes sense that he'd be the one most pleased at Justin's
engagement to Britney doesn't it."

"Justin told you then" Lance asked.  I nodded in response.

"What do you think about it?  After what you said the other night, do you
believe it'll last?"

"It will, like I said they're old friends" Lance stated.

"But you don't think that the flame of love will last" I filled in.

"What's you take on it all then?" Lance asked me.

"Well, I've never met Britney so I can't really comment can I" I answered.  "But
I did read an article that implied Britney was a little too 'Open to all takers' if
you catch what I mean."

"I wouldn't always believe what you read," Lance said, "But in this case it
sounds fair enough.  They separated for about two weeks after Britney slept
with some guy after a party our label threw"  My jaw practically dented the
table it dropped so quickly.

"You mean to say that miss virginal-goodness herself had a one night stand!"

"It wasn't her first either" Lance said with a tinge of sorrow in his voice,
"Britney hasn't been a virgin since she was 16 and she didn't loose it with
Just."

"How does Justin feel about this?"

"He keeps his personal emotions pretty close to his heart, so you'd have to
ask him.  I don't think any of us dare to question his and Britney's relationship
any more.  The last time one of us did Justin refused to appear with us for a
few days."

"So what about your love life Lansten?" I quizzed, "You still a virgin?" I said
with a laughing smile.

"What do you think Darren?  I'm a adult surrounded by adoring female fans."
Lance said, slightly sarcastically.

"Well, I doubt you're still a virgin, no offence or nothing, but I'd like to think you
wouldn't just sleep with any old fan."  Lance's cheeks flushed slightly.

"What about you?  You're, what, nearly 20?  You can't still be a virgin." Lance
said.

"I lost my virginity years ago." I stated with a hint of sorrow in my voice.

"When exactly?" Lance asked sensitively.

"I was 15.  There was this party at a friend of a friend's house.  You know how
it is.  Anyway, I was absolutely pissed out my tree and I ended up having sex
with Rebecca Morgan, it is possibly the biggest mistake of my life."  I paused,
not quite knowing how to continue, "I don't even know how or why it
happened.  I was already out to my close friends and parents.  I must have
been so pumped full of pubescent hormones and alcohol that I didn't care.  I
was so drunk I can barely remember anything."

"Whoa" Lance commented under his breath.

"I can't wait for that indiscretion to emerge when Becky sees my face on TV." I
said with a forced grin.

"Trust me," Lance began, "Truthful stories are the least of your problems.
Wait until somebody dreams up some scandal about you and sells it to the
highest bidder."

We sat in a semi-comfortable silence for a couple of minutes before Lance
struck up conversation again.

"So your parents know you're gay then" Lance half stated, half asked.

"Well if they didn't know before all the media hype, they sure do now." I joked.

"Seriously, when did you tell them?"

"Uhm..." I thought for a few seconds before replying, "I've known I was gay
since about the age of twelve.  I told my best friend when I was 14, my
parents a month or so later and the rest of my friends soon after that."

"And how did they all take it?" Lance asked.

"All my friends took it well, as did my mum.  My dad, on the other hand, was
less than pleased, but he made an effort and it put a strain on his relationship
with mum."

"You must have been worried about how they'd all take it"

"I was shitting bricks just before telling my parents.  I was so anxious I almost
passed out!" I said laughing.  Lance laughed lightly along with me.

"I don't think I'd ever be able to tell my parents something like that." Lance
stated solemnly.

"You never can tell until your back's against a wall" I offered, it seemed to
strike home and Lance nodded in agreement.  "How's the ankle?" I enquired,
trying to shift the focus of the conversation away from me.

"It's practically better" Lance said as he looked down at his damaged leg and
rotated the joint through it's full range of motion as an illustration.  "The
painkillers mean that I can perform on it anytime I want now."  He shivered
slightly in the cool air of the bus.

"You'd best go and get something on" I commented, "You'll catch your death
otherwise."

"Actually I think I'll grab a few winks" Lance replied.

"Sure" I said as Lance stood and adjusted his towel before wandering back
down the coach to his bunk.  I reached over to where I'd dumped my bag and
placed my headphones over my ears and spent the rest of the journey fading
in and out of sleep.

End of Part Two

As I said at the start, anyone with a constructive comment or who wishes to
help please e-mail me:
svsjr@hotmail.com

JJ