Date: Wed, 12 Jul 2000 21:01:38 CDT From: T. Marie Subject: Searching For the Light - Chapter 4 Thanks to Wen for editing for me. Anna I appreciate you reading even if you aren't a slash fan. Tom if you read this thanks for getting Dana hooked on JC, without her insistence that he's gay this story may have never begun. Once again I must give my praise to all of the authors on Nifty (I've sent many of you feedback under another email address.) And of course thanks to *NSYNC, without them I never would have discovered the world of fan fiction. ~T. Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction, loosely based on the members of *NSYNC. This story is not meant to imply the sexuality of the members of *NSYNC or that they would say or do any of the things mentioned. This story will contain explicit homosexual content. If it is illegal for you to read fiction of this type please stop reading now. This story is copyright 2000 T. Marie. Comments, suggestions, feedback... may be sent c/o ficklepickle76@hotmail.com Searching For The Light (c) 2000 T. Marie Chapter 4 JC and Justin were sitting together at the kitchen table. They had been there for about half an hour and were exchanging playful banter. "Hey Justin, can you hand me that magazine?" JC asked pointing to a magazine sitting on the other side of Justin. "No, I'm too tired, sorry." Justin teased. "I guess you'll have to get up and get it yourself." "Oh yeah." JC asked with a grin. "We'll see about that." He began to tickle Justin mercilessly. Before long Justin had fallen back on the bench and JC was leaning over him tickling his sides. They were both laughing and Justin had tears running down his face. "JC please stop, please." he squealed. JC stopped his attack and pulled Justin back up. They were still laughing when Joey looked up from the handheld video game he was playing. "Would you two just do it and get it over with." Joey grumbled playfully. Justin looked up at Joey shocked for a moment then he smiled and said, "Joey, how did you know I was gay?" The room was briefly silent then Joey chucked and grinned at Justin "I didn't - really - I just knew you had a thing for JC." Justin blushed and stared down at his feet. "So Curly, you're gay?" Lance asked. "Yes, Lance I am." "Why didn't you tell us before?" asked Chris. "Well, one thing is that I wasn't sure how you'd react." He briefly glanced at JC who hadn't said anything yet. "And since I haven't been dating anyone, I really didn't think it mattered." "So, you haven't ever dated a guy?" Joey questioned. "Nope." "How do you know you are gay then?" Lance wondered aloud. Justin laughed softly and directed his gaze to Lance. "Because Lance, I'm not attracted to women. I've tried to be, but I'm just not. I've only ever been attracted to men." "Okay, I was just curious." Lance said with a shrug of his shoulders. Justin was worried because JC still hadn't said anything. If he lost JC's friendship he didn't know what he would do. Since he'd found out about JC's depression they had become even closer. Although Justin had been trying to ignore his growing attraction he had been developing romantic feelings for his friend. "So, you guys are okay with this?" Justin asked apprehensively. Joey quickly pulled Justin into a hug. "We love you J, we don't care if you are attracted to monkeys. You are sill my little bro." Chris and Lance nodded their heads in agreement. Justin sighed and turned to JC "Hey Josh, can I talk to you in the other room?" He motioned with his head to the room where the TV and video game system were set up. JC stood up not saying anything and walked to the adjoining room. Justin followed him shooting a worried look over his shoulder to the three men waiting in the kitchen. Chris smiled sympathetically and Joey gave him a thumbs up sign. Justin swallowed uncomfortably and tried to think of what to say to JC. He pulled the accordion door shut and sat down on one of the couches that lined the perimeter of the room. "Uh, well." He stammered, then he sighed. "JC, you haven't said anything. What are you thinking?" JC still hadn't attempted to speak. "I'm sorry I never told you, I was scared." JC moved closer to Justin and took his hand. "Scared of what Justin?" he finally said. "Of losing your friendship." For the first time since the discussion had begun Justin felt the brevity of the situation. Images of what could have happened flashed through his mind. He closed his eyes, trying to hold back the tears and concentrated on the warmth of JC's hand holding his. "Justin, I don't know what would ever cause you to believe that I would turn my back on our friendship. You have been here for me every step of the way, through this whole depression thing. I value our friendship above everything else." He squeezed Justin's hand. "I'm honestly just shocked." "Why? You never suspected?" JC shook his head, "Nope I never did." He smiled at Justin. "About what Joey said. Is it true? Do you have - feelings for me?" "Oh God, JC. I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to find out. Please just forget about it." Justin rambled on nervously. "Justin, Justin!" JC interrupted. "It's okay. I'm really flattered. Really." he stressed. "You know I care about you." JC grinned and added, "Besides, I have to admit you are pretty cute." Justin smiled at that comment. "I need time to think, this is all so new." "Wait, what are you saying JC?" asked Justin his mouth was slightly parted and his blue eyes were wide with wonder. JC just smiled and leaned towards Justin. He felt the younger man inhale sharply, JC lightly cupped Justin's cheek in his hand. His glanced into Justin's shell-shocked eyes and lightly brought his lips to meet Justin's. His thumb rubbed Justin's chin while he took Justin's full bottom lip between his own and sucked lightly. He drew his head back and stood up trying to ignore the wobbly feeling in his knees. He grinned again at Justin and said, "I'm just saying I need to think about it." JC walked out of the room and down to his bunk, he slipped inside and pulled the curtain. **Oh, shit!** He thought. He didn't know what had come over him. Leading Justin on wasn't his intention. He was his best friend and hurting him was the last thing JC wanted. Finding out that Justin was gay and attracted to him in one fell swoop was a shock. When he'd looked into Justin's scared innocent eyes he wanted to reassure him that's why he kissed him. JC hadn't expected such a powerful physical reaction. Justin sat on the couch and watched JC's retreating back. He touched his lips with his fingertips. Nothing in his 19 years had prepared Justin for the heat of JC's lips. **What does this mean?** he thought. **He needs to think about it, is he gay?** Justin stood up suddenly becoming angry. He stormed out of the room, rushing through the kitchen and ignoring the questioning looks of Joey, Lance and Chris. He reached JC's bunk and threw back the curtain. "Wha...?" JC squawked. He shut up when he saw the stony resolve in Justin's face. "JC are you gay?" he demanded. JC frowned and looked up at his friend. "No, I'm not gay Justin." He paused and decided that Justin deserved the truth "I'm bi." Justin sat down on the bunk and bent his head under the overhang. "Okay, good." he said then suddenly lunged at JC. Justin's arms moved around JC's sides as their mouths locked. He deliberately rubbed his chest against JC's. He controlled this kiss. When he felt JC kissing him back he introduced his tongue, tracing JC's thin upper lip and pouty lower one. A shiver ran through Justin's body as he savored JC's unique flavor. He moved one hand and ran it through JC's hair as his tongue sought entrance into JC's oral cavity. He felt warmth and wetness as the urgency of his mouth met with JC's eager lips and tongue. Justin continued the kiss until he heard JC groan against his lips. Pulling away he saw JC's deep blue eyes glazed over with lust. Justin stood up straightening his shirt over his growing erection. "Think about that." he said and walked back into the kitchen. JC sighed and followed Justin. He grabbed his arm lightly and Justin turned around. He was still angry, JC's response to the kiss had confused and irritated him even more. "Justin, we need to talk, we can't keep taking turns running away." He said in a soft voice, he avoided eye contact with all of the men in the kitchen. Justin led the way back to the den like room off of the kitchen. They each took the seat they had previously sat in. Although JC had been the one to initiate the conversation Justin had a lot to say. He glanced at JC and remembered the closeness they'd shared over the past few weeks. His resolve softened a little but he stood his ground and began speaking. "JC I don't know what you are doing and it's confusing the hell out of me." "I'm sor..." "Wait, let me say what I have to say first." Justin looked up at his friend "Okay?" With JC's nod of accord Justin continued. "That's the third time you've kissed me, and it's the second time we've kissed since you've known that I'm interested in you." Justin paused for a moment and stood up, he began to nervously pace the room. "I'm not going to apologize for wanting to be with you JC." He stopped right in front of the older man. Justin took a hold of JC's hand and used his hand to tilt JC's face up so that their eyes met. "I want to be with you. I've felt this way for almost a month, but I kept it to myself because I didn't think that you would be remotely interested. You kissed me Josh and I know you felt something." JC waited for a moment to make sure Justin had finished speaking. "You're right Justin I did feel something, but I'm nervous about this whole thing. If we start this and it doesn't work out where will we be? Where will *NSYNC be. It could ruin our friendship and the group. I'm not trying to hurt you, and I didn't mean to lead you on. I still need time to think, this is all so new and there are too many consequences to rush into anything." "Okay, that's fair. But think of this, we have known watch other for years and years. I know your ins and outs, we get along great. I know this could work." Justin said with assurance. "Just a little time, I'm sorry Justin but I have to think this through." "Okay, but I'm not giving up." JC smiled at him and said "So, do you think I need to tell the guys I'm bi?" Justin laughed. "JC you know how thin these walls are, I'm sure they heard the entire conversation." He said in a hushed tone. Justin pulled JC out into the kitchen by the hand. He gave JC an evil grin "Hey guys you know JC's bi right?" JC choked on his own spit and started coughing. Chris smiled with a mouthful of chips and said "Yeah we heard." "Yep." said Lance stealing the bag of chips from Chris. "You know what I'm interested in is the three kisses, when exactly did JC kiss you Justin? And how come if he kissed you, you didn't think he was into guys?" "Goll, Joey can't you keep your big nose out of anything." Lance asked. Joey playfully flipped Lance the bird and Lance smiled and wiggled his eyebrows invitingly. Joey laughed and looked around for something to throw at Lance. JC had taken a few minutes to recover from Justin's pronouncement. "Actually Joey that's a good question. I can only think of once when I kissed you Just." "Well, the first time was in the hotel in New York, you kissed me on the cheek." "Oh yeah." "A cheek kiss," Joey moaned "that doesn't count." "The second time was in there." He motioned to the room behind him "And the third was in the bunk, don't tell me you forgot that already." JC smiled an embarrassed smile then he turned to Justin, "I don't think that last one counts as me kissing you, you started it. So technically you kissed me. " "Yeah well you kissed me back, so I say it counts." "Why don't you just kiss him right now C, that will make it three for sure?" Joey said. "Oh, you'd like that Joey. But it's not gonna happen JC needs time to think and I really don't want an audience." He sent a small smile in JC's direction. "Joey you need to get your own wo..., ma..., person." He finished, realizing that he truly didn't know Joey's sexual preference. "Maybe I already have one." He boldly stated. "You do?" Justin, JC, Chris and Lance all asked together. "Yeah, I do." He said staring at Lance. "I guess I do too." said Lance getting out of his chair. He walked over to Joey and plopped heavily on his lap. Joey bent his head and kissed Lance on the mouth. The kiss lingered for a few minutes and then pulled away. Lance was slightly flushed and none of the guys could tell if it was from the kiss or from embarrassment." "Yeah you definitely do." Joey said "Wait just a second!" Justin said gesturing wildly "You gave me grief for not telling you and you and Lance have been together!" "Well we weren't really together, we were just kinda messing around." Joey tried to explain and this time Lance really did blush. "Kinda messing around." echoed JC "Do you know what could of happened to the group, what could happen if you guys don't work out." JC said with concern. "Yeah, we talked about it, after this started." Joey told him. "JC, we think our friendship is strong enough to survive even if Joey and I don't work out as a couple - or whatever." "So, Chris is the only straight guy on this bus." Justin mused. "Well, I don't know if I'd say that. I mean I'm with Dani now and I don't plan on changing that but I have been with a guy before." Chris replied. "You have?" "Yeah, it wasn't a big deal." Chris said shrugging it off "So Joey you are bi? What about you Lance?" "Well, I guess." Joey said, "I never really gave myself a title. I just love everybody." At Lance's worried look he added, "I mean," he laughed "I am an equal opportunity lover. Right now I am a one man, man." "I really don't know either." Lance said with a shrug "I just like Joey. I've been attracted to women all of my life but then this thing with Joey just sort of happened. I haven't ever found another man attractive." The men discussed their newly admitted sexuality for a while and then went their separate ways. JC went back to his bunk to think about the situation with Justin. Chris and Joey began a video game battle. Lance hooked up his laptop to work on some business for FreeLance and Justin sat in one of the easy chairs trying to think of a way to show JC how much he cared about him. To be continued... Please send feedback to ficklepickle76@hotmail.com