Date: Thu, 24 Oct 2002 16:48:11 +0100 (BST) From: Jezebel Subject: Set Adrift 16 Set Adrift 16 Disclaimers: This story is fiction and it is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of the celebrities mentioned or any personal knowledge about their private lives. If you are underage for your area or if it is illegal for you to look at this why not go somewhere else, if you don't like the thought of two men together in a loving, sexual way this isn't for you either. ------------- Breakfast was strained. It was the first time that Kevin and Sully had been in the same room since their heated argument at the Compound the day before. Now that they were in a hotel it was no different. Sully was willing to put any differences behind them and was trying to be pleasant but he would not be overly kind or else Kevin would think that it was okay to treat him like that. Sully believed Brian when he said that Kevin was not always like that and that he was just overprotective but Sully also never wanted to be on the receiving end of that wrath again. For the most part Nick was the one that was keeping the peace, he was happy about something and wanted everyone else to be happy too. After a while Kevin slinked back into his silence and Nick and Brian kept up the conversation with a discussion about video games and where the tour was going. Howie and AJ chipped in when they felt the need and Sully would listen with interest at some points and feign interest at others. It was not perfect but it was the way that things were going to be. At least it was not too testing on them all. The days were pretty regimented as far as Backstreet were concerned, it was the only way for them to have any semblance of a life on tour. They had a strict routine that they followed and would block the rest of the world out as it was not part of that routine. As Sully sat in the post-breakfast meeting he wondered if that was why Alex had found it so hard to function in the real world, after leading such a structured life. He would not ask him directly but it gave him a little insight into what it was that Alex had been escaping. "So, Sully, I'm not sure what you're going to do while all of this is happening." Kevin said as he went over the schedules. "Alex wasn't really clear on what you were doing with us." "He'll come with us." AJ responded. "Sully is here as my friend." "And you don't think that anyone will question why we suddenly have a sixth member?" Kevin asked sarcastically. "He can't be with us the whole time without someone getting suspicious." "I won't get in the way." Sully replied for himself. "I'll disappear for the photo shoots and interviews but join you at the venues." "That sounds like a good compromise to me." Nick said, acting as a mediator. Brian and Howie agreed and it was only AJ and Kevin that seemed annoyed by the suggestion. Still, it was them that were being asked to compromise. "So, we're clear on the schedule?" Kevin asked after a moment of uncomfortable silence. There was a general affirmative response and Kevin decided to leave it at that. Sully thought about it for a moment and then nodded as well, he was pretty sure that the question was not aimed at him but he would respond anyway. The days were structured so that when they were not travelling between venues they would be staying at hotels. The morning was filled with local promotions, interviews and competitions followed by a light lunch which may or may not be shared with fans that had won the chance to meet the boys. After Lunch they would travel to a venue, do a sound check, followed by the meet and greet and then the concert. After the show they would either head back to the hotel for the night off or if there was no second show in the city then they would be on the bus and on the way to the next show. It sounded like a tough and gruelling schedule but Sully supposed it was necessary. He remembered when Alex had first told him of their trip to Germany, that it had all been about the fans and it seemed that no matter how large the Backstreet Boys became it was still all about the fans. Sully had a good respect for that attitude and he saw a little of the old Alex in it. The man that would have driven around his old neighbourhood to give his friends a ride in a limo when he was famous, that was the same Alex that still thought of his fans even though he was now big enough to blow them off and still be loved because of who he was. It was almost enough to make Sully fall in love with him all over again. "You okay?" Nick asked as they made their way out of the room and off to start the day. "Yeah." Sully said as he watched Alex and smiled. "I'm good." "And Alex?" Nick asked with concern. "I think he'll be fine too." *** Over the next few days they settled into their schedule and Sully began to see how the tour process worked. He even managed to spend a few hours helping out with the general workers on tour and getting an idea of what it was that the other people on the tour did. He had a lot of time off to see them working while the boys were doing their mornings promotional work. Sully was not sure that Alex had taken his offer seriously. They had slept in separate rooms every night since that first night and Sully had to admit that he was a little disappointed at that. He wanted to be wanted and right now Alex seemed to be doing fine without him. His friend had barely even spent time with him without the other band members being there and Sully was sure that he was not the only one questioning why he was still there when Alex seemed to be doing good. Of course he should have known that any premature thoughts along that line would just be a cause for trouble. It was on there third night on tour that it went down. Sully didn't know how it had started, the stage hands had been playing some joke or other on Nick and had left out a set of tools, the first that Sully heard of the accident was when Howie hobbled in carrying an icepack clutched to his knee. "You should get that elevated." Sully said without really thinking. He didn't know a lot but he remembered someone at the club falling once and someone had said that. Howie had smiled and fallen into a seat, taking the weight off his leg. "What happened?" Sully asked as he watched the look of agony that Howie was trying to hide. It was clear that he had a bruise or a swelling that needed attention. "Someone left their tools out on stage and I tripped over Alex." Howie said. "He seemed to be fine, it was me that got injured." "I could give you a massage." Sully offered. Howie coughed. "I don't know if I would survive your style of massage, I've seen you give a back rub remember." Sully laughed, he wondered if they would ever tire of that joke. He had been serious about the massage, not in a sordid way but just one to relax the muscles in Howie's knee. It might at least let him know what was going on. "I did a little sports science in college." Sully admitted. "I had a crush on the assistant coach and he taught me a thing or two, of course the fact that he had learned them from his wife was crushing to me, but I learned a little about massage." "Okay." Howie said as he took off the ice pack. By the time Alex got there Sully had Howie lying on his back, one leg raised and the long-haired Backstreet Boy was groaning at the manipulation of his now relaxed muscles. Alex got a stormy look on his face as he saw the scene and then turned to leave. It was only Nick standing in his way that stopped him from getting out of there immediately and running away. "Get out of the way Nicky." Alex accused as he tried to push past. Nick was not having any of it and pushed back. "Alex?" Sully asked as he got confused from seeing his friend. "Are you okay?" Sully lowered Howie's leg, put aside the deep heat that he had been rubbing into the joint and wiped his hands on a towel before standing and going to his friend. "Back off Carter." Alex said again. "I meant it." "Alex?" Sully asked as he put his hands to AJ's shoulders and rubbed them softly. AJ tensed with the action. "Don't touch me." He seethed through gritted teeth. Sully dropped his hands immediately and took a step back. "Let him go Nick." Sully advised as he saw the taller man towering on the door way but also saw the tension that was coiled up in AJ like a string that was ready to be sprung. "Alex, I'll be around later if you want to talk." Sully added as a codicil as AJ walked away. They watched as AJ stalked off and Sully wondered what was wrong with his friend. He hoped that he had not just sent Alex off when he was in need of a drink but he also knew that in the past his friend had come to him, or one of the others, and could only hope that he would do that again. Besides, they were in the stadium surrounded by security, if nothing else AJ would not get very far. Sully could only hope that this would be enough, because the last thing that they needed was AJ drinking again. He didn't think that he could deal with being the cause of that, especially when he did not know what AJ was upset with in the first place. *** AJ paced the backstage area of the stadium restlessly as the words flowed through his mind. They were angry and thoughtless as he knew he had been earlier but he wanted to get them out of his mind before they were spoken and his newly rebuilt and tentative friendship with Sully was destroyed. How could Howie do that to him? AJ asked himself. AJ wanted Sully for himself, he was his friend, no one else's and yet he had been sitting with Howie laying on his back and not AJ. Alex wanted nothing more than for he and his friend to resume their relationship but he could not ask that of Sully. Alex knew that he didn't deserve Sully but he could not help his jealousy when he saw him with someone else. He knew that Sully had been with Drew, he had heard a little about the other man's lover both from Nick and from Sully himself, and that was bad enough. But to see him touching one of the other Backstreet Boys in the way that he knew he wanted to be touched by Sully had driven Alex to despair. What was worse was that now he was angry and the others would be worried. Alex didn't want them to worry but he was sure that they would want him to talk through his feelings as his counsellor had discussed. The problem was that he didn't want to tell anyone else about his feelings, especially not Sully and he was the one that he had brought with him to be there when he needed someone to talk to. This was one thing that he could not talk to his oldest friend about. He hoped that Sully would understand if he didn't want to talk. Maybe in time he would tell him but he could not risk losing him, not yet. *** Alex returned with an hour to spare. Just enough time to join the meet and greet without anyone having really noticed his absence. Well, anyone outside the band at least. The Boys went on stage without discussing the events of earlier in the day. Howie had his ankle strapped up but was cleared by the medic to be able to dance. They would review it if he got any severe side effects from the injury but the medic was pleased that the swelling seemed ot have gone down. No one mentioned the fact that it was Sully's manipulation of the joint that may have stopped further swelling. The show was good on a technical level, all of the moves and songs were accurate and no one would really miss a thing but to the watchful eye there was something off. Sully, who had seen the show and sound checks a number of times could see that the spark was missing in the boys and even Nick who had been glowing since their return to the tour was a little subdued. Alex was especially down and didn't seem to take any comfort in the cheer when he announced that he was three months sober. Sully didn't know what he could do but he knew that something had to be done. Otherwise there might not be a band for the fans to see at the next show. *** As the five men came off stage there was a general consensus that something had to be done about morale in the Backstreet Boys camp. Kevin was ready to rant and rave about their performance that night but he was stopped when he saw that Sully was already waiting in the dressing room for them. One of the few rules that they had on the tour was that no one came into the dressing room without good reason. Usually it was an area that was reserved for the band alone, this was the place that they aired their grievances and shared their secrets. No one else was supposed to enter that space without permission. "Hi." Sully said, his words directed at Alex as he ignored everyone else. "We need to talk." It was those four words, four of the most ominous in the English language, and Alex merely nodded. The other four could see some sort of internal battle that was going on in each of the other two but they felt powerless to stop it. This conversation could have a large effect on the rest of the tour and none of them would be privy to it. Somehow that felt wrong. "I think that we need to talk about sending Sully home." Kevin said after the pair had left. "That isn't even an option." Howie replied. "If he goes, I go," was Nick's response. Brian did not speak but Kevin had to wonder what it was that these boys saw in the other man that he had missed. Maybe it was time for him to re-evaluate the situation, but he was keeping an open mind until he heard what it was that AJ and Sully discussed. After all, perhaps Sully himself would suggest that it would be best for him to return home. Kevin could hope and if not he would consider making better friends with the man that his brothers seemed to respect so much. *** Outside the dressing room Sully had followed Alex to a relatively empty part of the backstage area before taking a seat on a raised step and beckoning for Alex to join him. It was obviously an unpopulated area because there was no carpet on the floors and there was no paint on the walls. Still the bare greyness of the entire space reflected Sully's uncertain mood. "I'm sorry about earlier." Alex started. He knew that one of them would have to apologise and it might as well be him. There was a fear in the back of his mind that if he did not make the first move then he would lose Sully again and he did not want that to happen. "I don't mind so much how you reacted as why you reacted." Sully replied honestly. "Was it something that I did or said?" "I just..." Alex sighed, looking down at his hands as he wrung them together and thought about what to say. "I invited you on tour to be here for me." He said finally, knowing that it had come out wrong. Sully reached out and put an arm around Alex and patted his shoulder in a brotherly gesture. It was the most that Sully felt he could do without giving away his deeper feelings for Alex. "I am here for you." Sully added. Alex sighed again. "I guess I was just jealous." AJ said. He didn't want to give away his growing feelings for his friend in case it caused problems but he wanted to be able to go to Sully and know that he was at least half honest. If they didn't have honesty then they could never hope to rebuild the friendship that they had lost. "You don't have to be jealous. I'll give you a massage if you like." Sully replied. "But not a back rub?" AJ joked. Sully's intake of breath was an indicator that maybe he had gone too far. "I mean..." Alex began a retraction of his statement but was met with a firm kiss which quelled his words. When Sully pulled away he wondered if he had done the right thing. Maybe AJ had just been joking around but either way the line had been crossed now and there was no going back. Alex's lips met Sully's again and Sully got the non verbal answer to his question as to whether this was the right thing. Sully didn't care if it was right or not. It felt good and Alex thought so too. "We should go." Sully said reluctantly as he pulled away again. "The others will be waiting and you need a shower before you go back to the hotel. I doubt that they'll want to travel with you in the small confines of a car while you smell like that." "I smell of success." AJ said as he stood to go back to the dressing room. "You're full of shit is what you are." Sully replied. AJ laughed and took a few steps and for a moment Sully wondered if he had imagined the kiss but then he felt a hand intertwine with his own and he knew that though the words would have to be spoken eventually for now they had said enough. Just the fact that they were together spoke volumes. The others were waiting in the dressing room apparently not having moved from the spots that they had been in when Sully and Alex had left. Sully didn't think that they had been gone that long but it was certainly long enough for them to have moved or finished dressing in Nick's case. "Okay?" Nick asked as he saw the pair walk in. It was not really a question on how they were so much as one about the atmosphere between the pair of them. Sully nodded and then pushed Alex toward the shower. AJ laughed and went to get ready to go. "I thought we were in a hurry," he commented as he left the room. "You guys aren't exactly rushing out the door." Brian and Nick both moved at the comment and Kevin and Howie followed them. As Sully turned his back and tried not to watch the half naked Backstreet Boys as they got dressed in their street clothes and prepared to leave the stadium behind he wondered what else there now that he and Alex were together. There was a long road ahead of them but suddenly it seemed less lonely. "You ready to go?" Sully felt the hand on his shoulder and turned to see AJ behind him, sunglasses firmly in place and a familiar black cap on his head. He nodded and followed AJ and the others out and back to the hotel with a tight stomach as he wondered what the rest of the evening had in store. His main question was whether or not he would sleep alone tonight? *** *** Sully lay on his bed, a magazine in front of him as he idly flicked through its pages and tried not to think about the fact that Alex was around somewhere else and not there with him. When the knock on his door came Sully realised that he was suddenly very aware of his loneliness and he rushed to the door without checking what he was wearing. Sully realised too late that he had answered the door in only his boxers and to his horror it was not AJ on the other side. "Hi. Can I come in?" Nick asked nervously as he took in the expanse of bare chest that was in front of him. "I mean, if I'm interupting I can.." "Come in." Sully said as he himself moved further inside and grabbed a robe. He pulled it on hastily and then indicated for Nick to take a seat. "What can I do for you?" "I was wondering.." Nick began. "I mean.." "Take your time." Sully prompted helpfully. "How well do you know Ben?" Nick asked, blurting the question out before he really knew if it was the question that he wanted to ask. "Ben Maloney?" Sully asked as he quickly searched his brain for anyone else that he knew with the name Ben. "Yeah." Nick replied. Sully saw a look in Nick's eye that could have been a dreamy faraway look of someone with a serious crush and hoped that it wasn't. "I know of him." Sully replied. "He hangs at the club with his entourage. That's the boys that fucked him and stayed around and the ones that are holding out and hoping that he will fuck them. Why?" "I like him." Nick said. "Have you actually spoken to him much?" Sully asked. No one just liked Ben Maloney, he was the kind of boy that could get what he wanted with just a shake of his ass but he wasn't the type that you had a conversation with. He was a trick not a lover and as cruel as it was to say it Sully wasn't sure that he was the type of person that Nick should get involved with. Especially not with a career as high profile as Nick's was. "Yeah, we spoke a few times on the phone. He seems nice." Nick replied. "But you've already been with him?" Sully asked, although it was more of a statement than a question because Sully knew that Nick and Ben had been together. It was one of the sexual liaisons that Ben had rarely spoken about but that a lot of people knew of. "Yeah." Nick challenged. "Nick. Have you ever heard Ben talk about Love?" Sully asked, trying a different tack to see if this would work. "He said he didn't believe in love. At least not for people like us." Nick admitted softly, his eyes downturned and his voice sad. "You're not like him Nicky, you're better than him." Sully said sympathetically. Sully had developed feelings for Nick as a friend and didn't want the young man thinking that he was a slut. He was nowhere near as bad as Ben was rumoured to be. "I think I might love him." Nick confided softly. "Women always say that no matter how hard you try you can't change a man. I don't know if that is true of all men but you'd have to work pretty hard on that one." Sully responded. "What do I do?" Nick asked. Nick sounded desperate now and Sully felt for him. He wondered if there really was anything that his friend could do that would stop him getting anymore hurt by the rejection. "My advice, for what it's worth, would be to just keep doing what you have been. Be his friend. Talk to him, maybe e-mail him, and just see how the friendship goes." Sully said. "At least get to know him a little more before you make any serious decisions." "You think that if I spend enough time with him I'll get over it?" Nick asked. Sully had to admit that the boy was clever. "This isn't some stupid crush.." Nick spat. "No. I don't think it is." Sully said and sounded sad about it. "But it might give you a little more insight into Ben Maloney and his world. If you still want to be with him and a part of that world after you've gotten to know him better then maybe you'll have a chance." Nick sighed. "I'm sorry Nick, but that is about all I can offer." Sully said as he looked down at the floor in defeat. Nick nodded and stood, turning to leave, not even saying goodbye as he left the room. Sully was about to go after him when he heard the door to his room shut. Sully looked up and saw a pair of bare feet, following them up he saw a pair of jeans covered legs which led up a chest to AJ's smiling face. "I thought he would never leave." Alex said with a smile. Sully sighed. Alex's face dropped slightly. "Are you okay?" Alex asked, his voice laced with concern. Sully mustered up a small smile and then stood, walking to Alex and holding out his arms, glad when the other man took his need for physical comfort over further conversation. Sometimes it was easier not to talk and to just let actions speak for themselves. Sully hoped that they would not have to talk tonight about what had happened earlier or what was about to happen. He would prefer to just do it and then talk about it later. "You ready for bed?" Alex asked huskily. Sully nodded gratefully and wondered if they would do anything more than sleep, by the time they reached his bed though he didn't think he would have the energy. Thankfully Alex stripped down to his own underwear and slid in one the left side that Sully had left empty. He placed a gentle kiss on Sully's shoulder and then wrapped himself up in his friend's arms. There was time for everything else but for now they were safe enough in their shared comfort. Everything else could wait, at least until morning. *** To Be Continued soon... Notes: There will be more Nick in future chapters, for all that asked for more :) As for Sully and AJ if you have any ideas about these two let me know :) Feedback is always welcomed at: eh_oh_po@yahoo.com