Date: Sat, 05 May 2001 16:41:54 +0800 From: Mary Jane Whittaker Subject: shape of my heart 8 Okay. I know this is *way* late. But I've been like, totally busy for like, the last month, so like, I'm really sorry for like, totally killing y'all. Hah. Oh alright, I'm sorry. So I sorta made this extra long this time for all my readers who were suffering in agony meanwhile. Discliamer: Don't know them. Want to. Don't read if you shouldn't. Oh, and this space will be taken up by the segment known as "What I think is good." A story I think is good (duh!) will be posted here for every episode/installment/whatchamacallit. And now, for the What I think is good for this whatchamacallit: Brian and Me (bring him back and make him write more!) And now, on with the show. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "Chill out man!" said Howie. Brian sat down heavily on the bed. AFter he gathered his senses a little and shut his mouth, Brian asked one simple word. "How?" "Simple. Well, ok, actually not *that* simple. But me and AJ gathered enough over the past few months to surmise that well.. yeah." "Oh." *********************************************************************** Meanwhile, Nick had finished his game and was dying to know what Brian wanted to tell Howie. He stood up and stretched, causing AJ to look up, who lifted an eyebrow. "Going somewhere?" "Yeah, I'm going out for a walk. I want to find Brian and know what he wanted to keep so secret." "Alright then." said AJ, turning back to his book. *********************************************************************** Later that night, the two brown-eyed men compared notes. "Well, so what do we do with these two lovebirds?" "You sure Nickers said that he loved Rok, Bone?" "I'm sure that I'm sure, D." "And Rok said that he loved Nickers." "Hmm." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "If what you're thinking is what I'm thinking." grinned the younger man. And he listened intently as the older man quickly outlined his plan. *********************************************************************** "Wow! I didn't know that your place was so great, D!" shouted Brian over the music. "Thanks! Always wanted to bring y'all here, just didn't know why I didn't do it!" "Pity Kevin couldn't make it though!" shouted AJ. "Why don't we go someplace quieter!" They moved off and into the office upstairs. "That's better. That way I won't have to spoil my voice." "Like you're gonna make any difference with smoking that much. Anyway it's our two songbirds here that have to take care of their voices. We just have to take care of our looks." jibed Howie. Nick blushed and fell silent. He hadn't been allowed any drinks by Howie, and since Howie was the boss here, what he said went. He had minded intially, but after AJ had told him that Howie needed him to take care of Brian, he just gave a weak smile and agreed with his temporary liquor ban. Brian, however, was another matter. He seemed to be back on his alcoholic binge tonight again, and even though AJ and Howie had tried to control it, he had managed to slip goodness-knows-how-many triple-malt whiskeys past them and to him too. He had tried to keep it down, but Howie had caught him about half an hour ago, and was presently telling Brian that no, Nick can't have a drink as he'll have to take care of you, and I'll have to take care of AJ. "Hey, I haven't had *that* much to drink!" It was true. Recently, AJ's comsumption of alcohol had gone down. Obviously, making him pledge to the fans was working. Maybe they should try that with Brian too. But later. Anyway, Howie had a gut feeling that Brian's drinking had something to do with Nick. Kevin had been called home by his mother, for something very urgent, that he could tell by the look in Kevin's eyes, but he didn't know what. And now Kevin had left him, as the second oldest in the group, with the responsibility of taking care of the group. "Good luck." the older man had said with a brief smile on his lips, but the urgency and worry were still in his eyes as he left them at the boarding gate. Nick was feeling a little zonked out, most probably by the liqour Brian had given him, and judging from Brian's blurred speech, he was totally drunk. Who would've thought, thought Nick, that angel boy was an alcoholic? "Man, you look about ready to go, Nickers." said AJ. He nodded. "I guess me and Brian'll just take my Durango back." "Nah, you look a little drunk. In fact, I asked the bartender how many Brian slipped you. I don't care, you *are* drunk." as Nick started to protest. "Even though you're not a very big drunk." added Howie. "Take a cab back." "'K. And thanks for the compliment." said Nick dryly. "See ya tomorrow, yeah? And Bone, don't forget to make two extras tomorrow." Nick was referring to AJ's so-called 'miracle' hangover remedy. However, it seemed to work on AJ and AJ only. But it'll be worth a shot, thought Nick. Afterall, he knew how bad a hangover could be. And he hadn't tried AJ's 'miracle' yet. Half-carrying Brian out the back door, he went round to the front, and sat Brian down on the curb, while trying to hail a passing cab. About five cabs later, he finally managed to get one. Hauling Brian in after him, he gave the driver the address, amidst Brian's rantings. "Your friend there, is he alright?" asked the cabdriver. You'll never know how 'alright' he is, and visions of blue eyes locking onto blue eyes floated into his mind. He promptly shook himself mentally, and said, "Yeah, he's just a little drunk." "Ok. Just make sure he doesn't barf into my darling." the cabdriver said. "Huh? Oh, ok." said Nick, before falling into a silence, which Brian more than made up for, with his mumbled mutterings and occasional hiccups. Nick absently paid the cabdriver as he pulled up into their driveway. Well, ok, his driveway. He'd kinda never bothered to remember Brian's new house address, assuming that Brian would move back in with Kevin after checking that the place was suitable. After setting Brian down on the curb again and reflecting that Brian had to lose some weight, Nick unlocked the door and half-carried, half-dragged Brian in after him. He was glad that he had decided to leave the first floor bedroom alone, and panting and puffing, dragged Brian to the bed, such that Brian's body was half on and half off the bed. He sat down on the bed to take a rest. He giggled at the sight of Brian, then sobered up as he smoothed down Brian's hair. Alternately giggling and being quiet, he then sighed and was about to stand up and leave when Brian, who was now comparatively quiet, turned and moaned, "Nick.." Nick froze and looked at Brian out of the corner of his eye. "Stay with me.." Nick sighed and turned to look at Brian properly. Brian was half snuggled against his leg, and somehow or another, Brian's hand had ended up on Nick's thigh. As Nick noticed this, his member began to spring to life. He gulped and forced himself to think of other things, other than Brian's hair, his eyes, his smile, his hand still on his thigh. Nick quickly pushed it off and in the same movement, pulled Brian further up the bed. Taking off Brian's shoes, he looked at Brian, who was tossing around. "Nick?" mumbled Brian. Nick sighed again. Slipping off his own shoes and socks, he settled down next to Brian. What was he doing? screamed his mind. But it was already getting cloudier by the second, and the next thing he felt was the soft pillow under his head before he drifted off to sleep, making sure of a 'safe' distance between himself and Brian first, of course. *********************************************************************** Back in the club, Howie said, "That was hardly foolproof, dontcha think?" "Well, it *was* the best we could do under these circumstances..." trailed off AJ. "Anyway, whaddya think happened to Train?" "Goodness knows. Why are you so concerned about him then?" asked Howie suspiciously. "Aren't you then?" "Well, we know that Train can take care of himself. And.. Oh well, we'll just have to hope for the best for him then." "Yeah, I guess." *********************************************************************** "Hello?" said Kevin tentatively as he entered his home in Kentucky. "SURPRISE!" shouted everybody as someone flipped the switch on. "Happy Birthday, honey." said his mother as she hugged him. "My God, mum, you gave me a right scare when you called up sounding so flustered. And what was up with Kristin?" "I *was* flustered, preparing for your party. And what's up with Kristin is that she's here for your early birthday party." "Mu-um!" that conveyed his indignation she had to put in so much effort just for him but Kevin smiled as he hugged his mother back and looked round at the people in the house. "Thanks guys." Kristin walked up and hugged him. "So did you miss me?" Picking her up and hugging her to him, he said, "Of course, darling. How could I not?" But at the back of his mind, a voice whispered, But you miss Brian even more. Ignoring it, he carried Kristin to the dining table where his cake was waiting. And together they celebrated his twenty-eighth birthday. *********************************************************************** Brian was dreaming that he had Nick in him arms, and he was telling Nick that he'd love him forever, and all the things that he had longed to tell Nick all these years. Then, slowly, he leant down and kissed Nick. Feeling the lips below him kiss back, he kissed them even harder, slowly slipping his tongue between Nick's lips. Then Nick moaned. *Then Nick moaned.* Oh my god, his mind screamed. And he leapt up, then came crashing down again as the pain in his head surfaced. Closing his eyes for a moment to regain his balance and to try to reduce the throbbing in his head, he took a deep breath and opened them again. And he saw Nick, lying flat on his back, his eyes wide open in some unrecognizable emotion. And Brian got up and ran. *********************************************************************** Brian crumpled up in the kitchen, then tried to ease off his hangover with some asprin and think of a way to explain to Nick as to why he was kissing him. But why did Nick moan? found its way to the top of his head as he tried to rationalize all that had happened. That question was shelved in favour of trying to explain to Nick as to why he was kissing him, but Brian could only come up with Becasue I love you. Deciding to solve that later, he came up with what he thought was the best solution then. He should have known that running away does not solve things, but only makes them harder to bear. *********************************************************************** Nick lay back on the bed when he heard the front door slam shut. His blue eyes brimming with tears, he wished he hadn't moaned, because he that was when Brian woke up from whatever dream he was having to put an end to *his* dreams. He had woken up, thinking that Brian had called his name, but it must have been his imagination, for Brian was whispering that he loved someone very much, and how he had longed to get with her for so long. "Stupid! Stupid!" he scolded himself. How could he have thought that his perfectly straight best friend was in love with him? And that kiss. It was meant for *her* lips, whoever *she* was. He looked at the ceiling bitterly. Why couldn't he *not* have moaned? Then he could imagine that Brian *had* been calling his name, and then he could have avoided seeing that *look* in Brian's eyes, and then Brian would still be here with him. But now he was all alone. *********************************************************************** It was the day after the party, and Kristin was out shopping, for she hadn't had time to buy Kevin a birthday present in time for his party the day before. So Kevin and his mother were alone in the house, the assorted friends and relatives having caught their respective flights and rides home. "So how's everything with you guys?" "Oh, everything's fine. We're just prepping for the next tour now." "I know that. You sent me a copy of your schedule for the next three months, didn't you? That's why we decided to arrange for your birthday party for today." "Well, that was the tentative copy then. But now it's confirmed." "You seemed a little downtrodden just now. Want to talk about it?" "Nah, it's just some business, nothing I can't take care of." "Well, okay then." Inside, Kevin struggled to tell his mother that, well, that he was gay. But should he? He didn't even know for sure yet. He sighed and smiled, then suddenly enveloped his mother in a hug, wiping unshed tears on his sleeve. One day, he thought. If I am, well, gay, and I'm sure, I'll tell her. Not now. The wind blew softly, and the wind chimes in the window tinkled. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay. That's all for now. Go bang your heads against the wall if you want. I don't care. Don't threaten to kill me, flame me, whatever. Cos if you do that, it'll be even less likely that the next chapter will come out. Just kidding. :) Any comments, suggestions, food, parcels, cash, cheque or money orders or even the Backstreet Boys are to be sent to de_vil@2die4.com. Flames will be used for barbeques and arson purposes. Peace out!~ MJ