Date: Sat, 19 Jul 2003 22:25:19 +0100 (BST)
From: Sophie Reeves <stophoeyeahdude@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: Somewhere I belong chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not know any of the BSB or their families. I am not
meaning to imply anything about the guys' true sexuality. This story is
totally fiction Women do not exist in this story. It is a male-only world

Somewhere I belong Chapter 1


"Brian wake up! We're gonna be there in a sec!"
"Come on Frick! You gotta get up!"
Brian rolled over in his bunk and moaned. He always hated getting out
of bed. His bed was so warm and comfy, compared to the world outside.
Especially where they were today. He and the rest of his band-mates
were in Norway, which was not the warmest country at the best of
times. They were on a six month promotional tour of Europe, where
they hadn't been for years. Brian had been excited about going back
to the continent where they first became famous, but as he pulled
back the duvet covers and got out of his bed he was having second
thoughts. It was bloody cold. Brian shivered as he walked towards
their tourbus bathroom. Inside Nick was washing his face. He smiled
when he spotted Brian.
"So you finally decided to get up Frick? We're gonna be at the hotel
in twenty minutes" He splashed his face with the water and jumped as
the cold liquid hit his face.
"Yeah well, it doesn't take me as long to look good" Brian smirked as
he pulled his shirt over his head, ready to go in the shower. Brian
and Nick were such good friends that neither of them batted an eyelid
when Brian stepped in the shower totally naked. They were comfortable
around each other as they were the best of friends. There was no way that
either of them would dream of walking into the bathroom naked if
Kevin, Howie or AJ were present.
"Shut up man" Nick retorted as he rubbed his face dry with the
nearest towel. He gathered his stuff from the floor and left the room
leaving Brian alone. Brian quickly finished showering and washing. He
wandered into the bunkroom and started throwing his bedclothes
around, trying to find his clothes. After about five minutes he found
them buried underneath his bed. Brian wasn't the neatest person in
the world. Pulling them on, a white wife-beater and his usual baggy
jeans, Brian smiled at his reflection in the mirror and did a little
mock pose. While he was posing, footsteps hurried down the hall. Nick
burst in, holding Brian's mobile
"Frick your phone's been ringing."
"Who is it?" Brian asked as he took the call. Nick shrugged.
"Who else?" he said with a snort as he left the room. Brian rolled
his eyes at Nick's retreating figure.
"Hey baby, I missed you" he said happily into the phone call.
"Hi Brian...." Brian's boyfriend of six years, Nathan said. Brian
frowned
"What's wrong, you sound uptight" he said into the phone. Six years
with one person, Brian liked to think he knew them pretty well.
"Yeah well I got something I wanna talk with you about" Brian sat
down on the bed. He wondered what was wrong.
"It's about us" Nathan said coldly.
"Us?"
"Yeah... I don't want there to be any 'Us' anymore Brian.....I can't
stand waiting for you when you go off on endless tours. I need a
boyfriend who's here with me everyday" Nathan's deep voice entered
Brian's ear, breaking his heart. He shook his head
"What....I don't understand!...what are you talking about Nathan?" Brian was
stunned. He couldn't believe what Nathan was saying.
"I'm saying that I want us to break up. I've had enough." Nathan
said, uncaring.
"No Nathan please!" Brian cried "Nathan I love you!"
"Yeah well I don't love you Brian. I never did" Brian was crying now.
Why was Nathan doing this to him? He had thought he and Nathan would
be together forever.
"...why?" he said brokenly into the phone.
"Brian I told you why. You're never here when I need you" Nathan said
impatiently. Tears ran down Brian's face
"Nathan I tried! I even altered my last tour schedule so we could be
together! I told you what hassle that caused me!"
"It's not enough Bri...." Nathan's voice was cut off on the other end
by another masculine one.
"What's taking so long baby?"
Brian's eyes widened as he realised what was happening.
"You fucking bastard Nathan!" he cried. "How could you do this to me?
How could you!"
"I gotta go Brian" Nathan said and hung up. Brian was left listening
to an empty dial tone. He was incredibly angry.
"I hate you! I hate you Nathan!" he screeched as he threw his phone
at the wall and collapsed, sobbing uncontrollably on his bed. This
was the worst day of his life. The door opened and Kevin peeked his
dark head round.
"Bri I heard you.........." he stopped dead in his tracks
encountering the crying heap on his cousin's bed.
"My god Brian what's the matter?" Kevin gathered Brian up in his
arms. Brian rested his head on his cousin's shoulder. Kevin would
make it better. Kevin always made it better
"Nathan, he....he..." Brian was unable to say the words. Kevin's
striking emerald eyes narrowed. He hated Nathan. After all Nathan had
put Brian through, he made Kevin's blood boil. Kevin knew his cousin
could have his pick of guys but he went back to Nathan everytime.
"What has he done?"
"...We split up" Brian whispered. Kevin's mouth fell open
"Why?"
Brian's eyes began to water again. "...he was cheating on me Kev! I
heard...over the phone..." kevin tightened his grip on Brian. He
couldn't believe the nerve of that guy. What a callous thing to do,
and cowardly to say it over the phone. Nathan obviously wasn't man
enough to do it face to face. There again, if he had, his face would
more than likely have met Kevin's fist.
"Ssh Brian it's okay, you don't need assholes like that, you deserve
so much better"
"How could he do it to me? I thought he loved me!" Brian cried.
"Because he's the lowest form of life you could possibly get. Don't
give him the satisfaction of crying over him Bri" Kevin pleaded with
Brian, trying to calm him down.
"I love him Kev" Brian said softly. "I still love him"
"Brian you can't possibly love someone who treated you like absolute
shit. Let him go with his slapper he's found. You don't need jerks
like him" Brian was quiet now, he had calmed down quite a bit.
"Come on then Bri, lets just get into the hotel then you can tell me
all about it" Kevin said as the bus ground to a halt. Brian nodded
and grabbed his bag. Today was gonna be a real crap day.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Later that night, Brian sat cross-legged in the hotel room he shared
with Nick. He had covered up all the signs of his break-down so well
that his best friend Nick hadn't even noticed a thing.
"Bri where's that deodorant of yours?" Nick called from the bathroom.
Brian gave a small smile. Both he and Nick were disgraceful at
unpacking. Right now their hotel room looked as though a bomb had
exploded. There were cans of deodorant and aftershave rolling around
on the floor, well the bit of floor that wasn't covered by clothing.
Unpacking to Brian and Nick meant opening your suitcase and dumping
it on the floor
"Uhh, hang on I'll find it. It's gotta be here somewhere" he replied
as he scrabbled about on the floor trying to find the designer
deodorant he bought the last time he went shopping with Nick. Nick
had loved it so much but refused to buy it, because he figured he'd
just borrow Brian's. Brian found the can and threw it into the
bathroom.
"Here Nick" Nick caught it and began to use it.
"Hey Bri you sure you don't wanna come out tonight? We're going to
this kickass club. Think of all the pornstars in this area of the
world!" Nick chuckled. "There's bound to be a sexy guy somewhere
around, oh no wait I forgot, you've already got a boyfriend. That's
no fun Bri!" Brian winced and shook his head. He wasn't in the mood,
not after the phonecall he got this morning. Nick still didn't know
Brian was no longer with Nathan.
"No I've got a bit of a headache"he lied. "I'm just gonna watch some
TV and go to bed" Nick shrugged.
"Whatever man, you'll be missing out I'm telling ya" He inspected
himself in the mirror and frowned.
"Yo Frick do you think the blue or the black shirt?" Brian looked
towards where Nick was standing.
"The black" Nick nodded
"Yeah I thought so too" He took one last critical look at himself
before he declared himself ready. Someone knocked on the door.
"Come in!" Nick yelled, causing Brian's ears to hurt. Kevin stepped
in the room. He was cursing himself. He hadn't had the chance to
speak to Brian about this morning because as soon as they'd got to
the hotel they had all been whisked off to see the press and do a cd
signing. But he was going to make it up to Brian.
"Hey Kev! You looking good, out on the pull tonight?" Nick asked,
spying Kevin's scruffy jeans and t-shirt. Kevin frowned, momentarily
confused. Vaguely he remembered agreeing to go out tonight with
Howie, Nick and AJ at the breakfast table this morning, before Brian
got upset.
"Uhh well.....I kind of have other plans Nicky" he said. Nick's
shoulders slumped and he pouted.
"Kevin you promised! You have to go, otherwise I'm stuck with Howie
to talk to, you know AJ, he'll be off dancing all night!It'll totally
suck!" Kevin shook his head.
"Sorry Nicky, I'm spending the night with my cousi....."
"No Kev go out" Brian interrupted. He gave his cousin what he hoped
was a convincing smile. "You promised Nick, I'll be fine honestly. I
just wanna get some sleep" Kevin still looked indecisive.
"You heard Gospel boy Kevin, come on! Tonight's gonna rock!" Nick
urged. Kevin sighed in defeat.
"Okay okay, as long as you promise to stop bugging me, and no fights
like last time" Nick's face scrunched up as he remembered.
"That was so not my fault! I wasn't doing anything! They totally
picked on me because I have a famous face!"
"Yeah yeah whatever" Kevin rolled his eyes. "Give me a sec and I'll
go get ready"
"Yeah well we're only in Norway a week so hurry up" Nick wisecracked
and laughed when Kevin gave him the finger. He turned his attention
to his best friend
"Seriously Frick, you sure you wanna stay in tonight? It's gonna be
lonely for ya" Brian nodded and smiled wistfully.
"Positive Nick. Have a good night, just don't wake me up coming in"
Nick looked shocked.
"Me wake you up? Never"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Goddamit Howie it's a mess!" AJ cried. Howie put his hand over his
mouth to stifle his giggles. AJ lifted his head from the bathtub.
"I can't believe it! The bottle said 'works on any hair type'!" AJ
was now the proud owner of a mustard/snot coloured head of hair. He
had wanted to dye his hair platinum blonde, to fit in with all the
blonde people in Europe. He didn't deserve this cruelty!
"It's alright Aje" Howie counseled his friend. "It'll come out after
a few washes"
"There's no way I can go out like this!" AJ shrieked. As if on cue
there was a hammering on the door
"AJ! Howie! You ready?" Nick hollered
"No!" AJ shouted back
"Ah come on man! We're wasting the night!" AJ sighed.
"Go on Howie, I'll meet you there once I've sorted it out"
"You sure Aje?" AJ nodded. Howie got up to open the door
"See you later then, ask Marcus to take you. He knows where we're
going" AJ nodded. He was incredibly pissed off. "Stupid fucking dye"
he muttered, throwing the can at the tiles on the wall.
A few washes later, the colour had faded but there was still a
mustard tinge to it. Fed up, AJ flopped down on his bed, figuring
he'd stay in and watch TV. He couldn't be bothered to go out now.
Turning the TV on, he realised he didn't have a tv guide and so he
had no idea what was on. Thankfully this hotel had American shows on
satellite so he didn't have to watch Norwegian soap operas. Realising
Nick had taken the TV guide from the bus, he stood up and went to
knock on Nick's door. Brian was more than likely staying in. He never
went out anymore unless it was with his asshole boyfriend. AJ hadn't
seen that much of him but he had seen him enough to know that AJ
hated him.
"Helloooo" AJ knocked lightly on the door. Receiving no response he
pressed his ear to the door, wondering if he had prejudged Brian and
that he had in fact gone out with Nick and the others. No, the TV was
on. He had to be in there.
"Brian?" He called "You awake?"
"...yeah" came the muffled reply. AJ frowned. Brian didn't sound
right.
"Hey Rok let me in, I need to borrow something" He heard the doorkey
turn and unlock the door. Brian opened the door and AJ gasped upon
seeing his face. He had obviously been crying, his eyes were all red.
"Bri what's wrong? Why are you crying?" AJ asked, concerned. Brian
rubbed his eyes with his hand.
"It's not important" he said lamely
"Bullshit Rok!" AJ exclaimed and entered the room. Brian closed the
door
"What do you want AJ, I've got a splitting headache"
"I did want to borrow the TV guide but now I've seen you I wanna know
what the hell is wrong" Brian sighed.
"I don't wanna talk about it AJ, the tv guide's over by the TV, take
it" he sank down onto his bed. AJ took no notice and sat down beside
him.
"The TV can wait, you can't. Come on Bri. You can tell me" Brian
threw his head back frustratingly.
"Aren't you supposed to be out with the others?"
"Yeah, but in case you didn't notice, my hair is a strange tinge of
snot and stop changing the subject" AJ said. Brian ran his hand
through his curly brownish/blond hair.
"You're not gonna leave me alone are you" AJ shook his head.
"Not until you tell me why you've been crying" Brian took a deep
breath and hesitated for a few seconds.
".....Nathan cheated on me" he said bluntly. "We split up" AJ's jaw
dropped.
"You're kidding me" Brian shook his head as tears began to form
again. AJ was shell-shocked. never in a million years had he expected
that.  He, like the others thought Brian and Nathan would eventually
get married. Although he could believe that Nathan would be an
asshole, he never believed this would happen.
"Aww Bri come on don't cry. He's not worth it" AJ said as he gave
Brian a big hug. Brian had a really nice scent, AJ realised. He
looked so vulnerable in AJ's arms. Brian was still crying softly.
"Why did he do it to me?Wasn't I good enough?"
"Don't be stupid Brian, he was never good enough for you, you deserve
a much better man than that fucking scum" Brian looked up at AJ and
smiled sadly.
"You sound just like Kev you know" AJ was mesmerised staring into
Brian's beautiful blue eyes. They were the most beautiful eyes he had
ever seen. He shook himself out of his trance.
"Please don't compare me to Kevin. I'll lose my street cred
instantly!" he joked, glad to see a genuine smile break out on
Brian's handsome face. 'My god he looks beautiful when he smiles' AJ
thought. 'Wait a minute, what am I thinking? This is Brian remember?
Your bandmate, the one you've known for six years? You can't be
having these thoughts about him, especially since he's just broken up
with his boyfriend'
They sat like that for sometime, Brian feeling comfortable and secure
in AJ's embrace, and AJ simply not wanting to let go of Brian.
Finally Brian shifted position and let out a small smile.
"Sorry" AJ frowned in confusion
"What for?"
"For dumping all my problems on you" AJ shook his head.
"Brian I couldn't care less okay? I'm glad you told me. Who else
knows?" Brian blushed.
"Just you and Kev" he admitted shyly. AJ's eyebrows arched.
"Woah you haven't told Nick yet?He's your best friend!" Brian nodded.
"I know, but I just wasn't up to telling him just yet" AJ nodded in
understanding. The room fell silent and AJ switched his gaze to the
television. Everytime he looked at Brian he kept thinking how
beautiful he was.
"So..." Brian said, his Kentucky drawl breaking the silence. "...You
wanna stay and watch TV?These Norwegian soap operas are pretty good
you know" AJ groaned and slapped his hand to his forehead
----------------------------------------------------------------------
3 hours later and Brian had cheered up immensely. He had never
realised how funny AJ could be, and how much fun it was to have him
around. Of course, Brian looked upon AJ as one of his best friends,
but AJ had always seemed a bit distant to him. He and Nick had often
discussed the amount of men AJ seemed to have, almost one every night
and they were worried about him.
AJ yawned and stretched out contentedly on the bed. To his surprise
he was actually enjoying staying in. This had to be the first Friday
night in months that he had spent watching television. But it wasn't
the television that was making the night great, it was the company he
was spending time with. He had always had the opinion that Brian was
too quiet or too shy to be any real fun, but he was wrong. Tonight
proved that.  He sighed and poured himself another glass of wine.
Brian had opened a bottle of wine to celebrate his freedom, as AJ had
put it.
"Hey Rok, you got anything to eat? I'm starving" Brian nodded and
motioned to the bag of crisps on the side. He took another drink from
his glass
"They're Nick's, but it doesn't matter. He'll just get some more
anyway" AJ grinned and grabbed the bag and started munching, still
concentrating his eyes on the television. He couldn't believe the
feelings that ran through him when he looked at Brian. They were
almost like the feelings that ran through him when he met a guy at a
club. Lust.
"You know AJ, you and Kev were right" Brian said out of the blue. AJ
looked at him, confused.
"He did treat me like shit and I let him do it because I still took
him back everytime" Brian said softly. AJ sighed.
"Don't do this to yourself Brian, just forget about it, forget about
him, you're free now remember!" Brian nodded.
"I know, but it still hurts" he whispered. AJ shifted position on the
bed so that he was lying next to Brian and looked him eye to eye
"Listen to me Bri" he said huskily. "You're gonna go out and get a
really sweet guy who'll treat you so well because that's what you
deserve. He's lost out because he's a twat and nothing will change
that. You need to find someone better........." As AJ said this, his
voice trailed off as he ran his fingers through Brian's baby soft
hair. His fingers came into contact with Brian's smooth skin and he
almost jumped from the bolt of electricity he felt from their contact
point. From the way Brian was looking at him, AJ was sure he had felt
it too. Hesitantly, AJ began to caress Brian's cheek with his hand.
To his surprise Brian didn't pull away. Instead, he wrapped his arms
around AJ's slender frame and brought them closer together. AJ
couldn't resist any longer. He brought his mouth down to meet
Brian's, and kissed him deeply. It was a while before he realised
Brian was actually kissing him back. They both moaned into the kiss.
Neither had ever felt this from anybody else before. AJ started to
tentatively move his hands around Brian's body. Brian pulled him even
tighter.
"AJ I need you" he whispered. He couldn't believe what was happening
to him. He had never done anything like this before. Of course he
wasn't a virgin. He had slept with Nathan, but never anyone else, and
certainly not after splitting up with his boyfriend. This just wasn't
like him, but Brian was going to show Nathan that he wasn't the only
man in Brian's life.
AJ needed no further prompting. He had fallen for Brian in a big way.
This wasn't just about sex, not like all the other men. He reached
over and turned out the light. Their bodies were illuminated by the
light from the television screen but neither wanted to get up and
turn it off. Both men had a feeling this was going to be something
special. However both of them forgot the rule. Each member of the
group was forbidden from entering a relationship with another member
for fear of splitting up the group. It was an unwritten rule which
they had all agreed and given their word. But this didn't matter
anymore to AJ and Brian. They were too lost in the moment, too
carried away that neither of them could stop to think of the
consequences.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
It was 3am and Nick, Howie and Kevin had returned from the nightclub.
The hallway was deathly silent.
"I TOLD YOU TONIGHT WOULD KICK SOME ASS KEV!" Nick cried out, the
fact that other people were sleeping not registering in his mind.
"Shut up Nick!" Kevin hissed as he tried to help Nick to stand up.
Once again, Nick had had too much to drink, a result of a contest
between himself and Howie. The only thing was that Howie, being seven
years older knew when to stop. Nick didn't. Kevin cursed himself for
letting Nick get like this.
"Nicky you gotta be quiet" Howie whispered, trying to stop laughing.
Nick was so funny when he was drunk.
"Why wherr are we?" Nick slurred.
"You can't let him go in his room, he'll wake Brian up no doubt about
it" Howie said quietly. Kevin sighed.
"He'll have to stay with me 'cos AJ's with you isn't he" Howie
nodded.
"I hope he's alright, he really wanted to come out tonight"  he said,
his voice etched with concern.
Kevin shrugged. "He'll get over it, especially when he sees the state
this one will be in, in the morning" He flashed Howie a grin as he
unlocked his door and dragged Nick in behind him.
"Wherr am I?" Nick asked, not comprehending the conversation between
Howie and Kevin.
"You're staying with me tonight Nick, you can't go back and wake
Brian up" Nick shook his head slowly.
"....not wake him up........I won't wake him up I'm quiet... QUIET!"
He collapsed onto Kevin's bed with giggles. Kevin surpressed a grin
as he lifted Nick's body on top of the spare bed in his room. He
always got a room by himself as he was the eldest, according to
management. However Kevin knew that he had always had a single room
because he used to scare AJ and Nick who always asked to room with
the other two. He chuckled to himself.
"Aww Kevin you gonna tuck me in?" Nick asked sweetly. Kevin blushed.
Nick was always jokingly flirting with him. He knew it pissed him off.
"Yes I am but don't get any ideas" he said sternly as Nick scurried
underneath the covers.
"Nite Kevvy" Kevin rolled his eyes. Sometimes Nick was too much.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Howie smiled to himself after leaving Nick in Kevin's hands. He got
his door key and let himself into his room. The first thing he
spotted was AJ's bed, without AJ in it. 'Strange' Howie
thought. 'Guess he went out after all'. Not giving it a second
thought he stripped down to his underwear and got into bed, falling
asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian woke up as the sun beamed through his window. He stretched out
contentedly and gave a big yawn. A smile spread over his face as he
thought of the night he had just had. AJ had treated him so gently
and so respectfully Brian was almost in tears. He was so different
from Nathan. Brian couldn't believe how wrong he had been about him.
Turning his head to the side, expecting to see AJ there, he got a
shock when there was just some empty bedclothes. Frowning he propped
himself up on his elbow and looked around the room. The sound of
running water in the bathroom gave AJ away.
"AJ?" Brian called. "Are you in there?" AJ poked his head round the
door. He sighed when he saw Brian lying there. He was still in
disbelief as to what happened to him last night. It had been the best
experience of his life, and AJ had had quite a lot of experiences. It
was only when he had woken up and was marvelling at how the sun's
rays hit Brian's hair that he remembered the agreement between all
the bandmates, the agreement that both he and Brian had shattered.
His heart sank.
"Brian you better get up, the others will be wondering what's gone
on" Brian frowned.
"Why? It's none of their business"
AJ groaned. "Because they'll know that we broke the rule Bri! I've
got to get out of here before they all come knocking round. Thank God
Nick didn't come back in this room last night" Brian grimaced as he
remembered the rule
"...what's gonna happen...between us after last night?" he asked,
almost fearing the answer. AJ frowned.
"We can't continue Brian" he said sadly. "We promised the others.
Kevin would kill us if he found out" Brian said nothing, simply
staring at the end of the bed. AJ gathered together the last of his
stuff.
"Look, I've gotta go...I'll catch you later Bri, okay?"It was
breaking his heart to leave in such an offhand way. The truth was he
wanted this to go on. He had fallen in love with Brian and he was
desparately wanting to share another night like last night with him
again. But the rule was the only thing stopping them. They couldn't
go back on their word, for fear that they might harm the group. It
was for the best if he left now. Last night was a mistake. He left
Brian's room without another word. Brian watched him go, and as soon
as he was out of the door, burst into tears.

by stophoeyeahdude@yahoo.co.uk