Date: Wed, 17 Jan 2001 18:39:46 EST
From: Gking0300@aol.com
Subject: Celebrity-Boybands-Still Every Time (1)

Alright, I hope you enjoy this one and I'll send the next installment as
soon as it' out.  For those of you who don't know my writings, go read
Rain.  It's a short series, and it's being continued now, but on hold.

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE (I'm begging now) e-mail comments and
suggestions to gking0300@aol.com or gking03@yahoo.com.

DISCLAIMER: This is a complete work of fiction and in no way should it be
considered factual.  Nothing should be assumed about the sexual orientation
of those either in the Backstreet Boys or NSYNC, but we can always dream,
can't we?

STILL by Macy Gray

In my last years with him
There were bruises on my face
In my dawn and new day
I finally got away
But my head's all messed up
And he knows just what to say
No more dawn and new days
I'm goin' back to stay
Why say bye bye
When it only makes
Makes me cry
I still light up like a candle burnin' when he calls me up
I still melt down like a candle burnin' every time we touch
Oh say, what you will
He does me wrong and I should be gone
I still be lovin' you baby and it's much too much

STILL EVERY TIME (1)

Kevin stared out the window into the dark street, the harsh winter wind
howled around throwing the falling snow against the window.  Sinking down
onto his knees, he pressed his face against the frigid glass, fog instantly
surrounding his features on the cold surface.  Kevin let a single tear drop
stream down his face, a cold, uncomfortable feeling left as it worked its
way down to his chin, and then to his neck.  Kevin rested his head on his
arm, the soft material of his sweater comforting his tortured mind, calming
him, bringing the logic and order back into the his world which had so
quickly come to chaos and heartbreak.

Kevin slowly opened his eyes and let the tears come freely, his vision
blurred and his mind spun, the days of before coming rushing back, almost
like the quick winter in New York which had devoured an Autumn splendor so
quickly, so suddenly.  Kevin stood up and looked at his reflection in the
window.  Although transparent, he could all to clearly see the pale face,
the gaunt, haunted look.  His beautiful dark-brown hair which was always so
perfectly styled lay matted to his head, a few strands fell limply onto his
forehead.  Kevin smiled wryly to himself, a horrifying monster portrayed to
him.

This is me, Kevin thought miserably running a hand through his coarsened
hair, letting it fall back into place, messily.  Sitting back down, he
hugged his knees to his chest, now resting his head on the knees of his
well-worn jeans.  Thinking back, he remembered his life, as it had been, as
he loved it.  Tears now soaked through to his knees, and he started
shivering uncontrollably.

Then it had been Jason, just Jason.  Kevin and Jason, Jason and Kevin.
Thinking back to long ago, Kevin remembered Jason standing on the beach
that day, the wind from the clifftops rushing down, blowing his short blond
hair back, his lightly tanned body glimmering like an angel under the
bright autumn sun, giving off a dull luster.

Jason walked up to Kevin, carrying his sandles by his side, his baby blue
beach shirt unbuttoned and flying behind him.  Kevin met him halfway and
they shared a kiss, the sand stinging their bare legs as the wind picked up
again, the surf crashing up to swirl around their legs and then tug as it
surged back to the sea.

"Hey babe, something on your mind?"

Kevin sighed and pulled the younger man closer to his body, feeling his
sweet breath caress his cheek.  "For once, no."

But that was history. Suddenly in a whisper of time, Jason was taken away
in the space of seconds, gone.  Gone, gone as in dead.  Kevin felt fresh
tears stream down his face as he desperately clawed for that memory, the
only man who could put his life back together from the wrecked shards that
it had become.

It had been cold outside that day, the sky was a perfect azure, the wind
still.  Leaves from the trees gently fell to the ground and a fog hung
lightly in the air, an almost surrealistic setting.

Kevin sat in his boxers in the living room reading, his glasses perched
halfway down his nose, his legs curled underneath him.

"Hey babe, I'm going to go get some stuff at the store, you want
something?"

Kevin looked up and smiled.  Jason stood in the doorway wearing baggy jeans
and a jade green sweater, his short blond hair shot up in random spikes.
Jason's smile was like light on a dark night, his perfect features each
formed delicately to produce an earthshattering effect.  "Hmm. . nice to
see you up this morning Mr. Soon-to-be Richardson."

Jason smiled and blushed as he looked down at the ground, fondling the band
of gold wrapped around his ring finger.  "Same to you Kevin."

Kevin smiled and swung his legs down to the ground.  "Actually, I could do
with some coffee from that caf^Â around the corner, do you think you
could stop there on your way back?"

"Sure hun, anything for you," Jason said, bending down and placing a small
kiss on Kevin's nose.

Kevin pushed him away playfully.  "No time for that now Jas, but hurry back
and I might give you a treat."

Jason smiled seductively and then left, the door shut quietly behind him,
his essence depleting in the cold crisp air.

That was the last time Kevin saw him, Jason, his beautiful angel, was gone
and out of his life.  Kevin hadn't cried at the time, the shock and the
sadness apparently too much for him to comprehend, something not tangible
at the time, but it was two days later, moving Jason's things out of the
bathroom that Kevin cracked.

The lights were dimmed, the shadows shifted gently around the room, the
lemon wallpaper sending a warm vibe into Kevin's tortured heart.  Kevin
picked up Jason's cologne and sprayed it into the air, the smell diffusing
and becoming intoxicating within the enclosed room.  The smell of his lover
filled his nostrils and Kevin sunk to his knees, dropping the bottle on the
floor, shattering glass across the tiles, the smell now unbearable, Kevin
rolled over, his hand landing in broken glass tainting the cologne and
turning it a bright red color.  Kevin remembered the strong smell that
filled his mind and body as he slipped into unconciousness.

Kevin closed his eyes and concentrated hard, almost trying to physically
pick up and put his life back together, but the more he tried to make
things work, the more they slipped from his grasp.  The bruises from his
relationship weren't physical, they were phsycological.  Jason was his
life, everything that he had was based on the presence of his love.  To
Kevin, his world, his music, his sanity was centered around having Jason
there to talk to, to make love to, to kiss and touch.  Being away from
Jason killed Kevin, and since they were twelve years apart in age, Kevin
rarely saw him.  Kevin hurt when Jason was gone, so much that he wouldn't
eat, sleep, or talk.

"Why, why, why?" Kevin slammed his hands into the wall until blood started
to ooze from the small cuts, streaking the wallpaper and beige carpet with
blood.  Kevin fell to the floor in a merciless dram-plagued sleep where
Jason held him in his arms once again.

*****

The door to the suite opened and the Kevin walked in, the glow restored to
his green eyes, his hair glinting brightly from the bright lights, a few
strands hung down on his forehead.  An orange sweater accented his upper
body perfectly and baggy jeans hung low on his hips.  "Hey guys, there any
breakfast left for me?"

Nick looked up and eyed Kevin's bandaged hand.  "Hey Kev, what happened to
your hand?"

Kevin grimaced inwardly.  "Oh, this?" he asked holding up his hand for
everyone to see.  "I fell off the bed this morning and hit it on the
nightstand," he said laughing.  Kevin looked at the one person who would
see through his lies.  AJ stared right at him, pinning Kevin against the
wall.

Kevin poured himself a glass of orange juice and sat down next to Nick.
"Kevin, are you alright?"

Kevin looked up sharply to see AJ's gaze riveted on him.  "Sure James, I'm
fine."

"I need to talk to you later Kevin, is that alright?"

Kevin looked down at the ground.  "Yes Alex, I'm cool with that."

"Okay, anyway, what's going on today?  Isn't this the day we meet NSYNC for
our joint tour going on later this year?" Brian prompted trying to break
the mood with a weird look in AJ's direction.

"Yea Brian, thanks for bringing that up.  We've got a meet and greet at
nine until ten, and then NSYNC will be meeting us there and we'll be doing
one jointly until eleven.  We've got a meeting for the tour arrangements
with ours and NSYNC's management.  Then we're going out to dinner with them
and management at," Kevin checked his schedule.  "Eight tonight."

"Man oh man oh man," Howie stated mock fainting.  "Do we have to meet the
imposters again?"

Kevin gave Howie a sharp look.  "They've been just as sucessful as we have
and moreso.  There's room in this world for both of us."

"Actually," Nick started but was silenced by a look from Kevin.

"I'll expect all of you at your best tonight," Kevin said getting up to
leave.

"What?  Is that all your going to eat?" Brian asked motioning to the half
filled glass of orange juice.

Kevin stopped momentarily.  "I'm not hungry this morning."

He didn't miss the continuing stare from AJ.

*****

JC finished getting ready, pulling a tight fitting orange sweater over his
head with a pair of stonewashed jeans to match.  JC finished styling his
hair and grabbed his black doc boots.  "Justin are you done with the
bathroom, we've gotta get going."

"No, I'll be out in a second," the blond yelled from inside the enclosed
room.

JC sighed and stared at his reflection again in the mirror.

The door to the bathroom opened and Justin blinked in mock surprise as he
eyed JC.  "Hey Joshy, what happened, did someone sew that sweater on to you
or what?"

JC turned to glare at Justin.  "It's just a little tight, that's all."

Justin rolled his eyes.  "I'm sure JC, and when your whole body starts
turning blue from lack of oxygen. . . ,"

JC shoved Justin lightly away.  "Stay out of my clothing style choices
Curly, or I'll beat your bleached blond butt into the next decade."

"Oooh, threats from the
airheaded-wants-to-pretend-he's-a-brunette-but-really-a-blond-rooted-too-tight-shirted
pretty boy?"

JC threw Justin on the bed and started beating him with the couch pillows.
"I, I was just joking JC," Justin managed to yell as he got a pillow in the
mouth.

JC finally relented and adjusted his hair in the mirror.  "We've got
impressions to make today Justin, get out of your retard mode.  Wait I
forgot, that's just the way you act all the time."

Justin rolled his eyes and unbuttoned the top two buttons on his shirt,
posing for himself in the mirror.

"And button up, I'm not having you look like a two cent whore even though
you are," JC said grabbing his keys and shooting Justin a crooked smile.

"It's a nickel you half-wit," Justin yelled as the door closed behind his
friend.

*****

Kevin signed another autograph and pushed it over, a smile pasted over his
face, designed by years of practice to cover up himself.  "Kevin, what's
wrong?"

Kevin looked over to see AJ standing next to him.  Kevin finished signing
another message and looked up.  "Not now Alex, I'm busy," he hissed under
his breath as the fans kept swarming up to the table.

AJ grimaced and shook his head.  "Fine Kevin, but let me tell you one
thing.  I know that's not from the nightstand.  I have away with you Kevin
Scott and I can tell when you're lying like night from day." he said
motioning to Kevin's hand.

Kevin looked up sharply, a mixture of anger creeping into his eyes.  "Get
away Alexander James, unless you want to involve yourself in a nightmare
beyond your own comprehension."

AJ leveled Kevin's stare cooly.  "Tonight Kevin, I want to hear all of it."
AJ walked off slowly without a backward glance toward his bandmate.

*****

JC shoved Justin into the store.  "What did I tell you, nickel man?  Button
that shirt up."

Justin groaned as he started to re-button the shirt.  "Josh, why do you
always have to tell me what to do?"

JC rolled his eyes and put his arm around his friend, ruffling the golden
curls.  "I'm older than you are, and I'm your daddy for now.  I'm supposed
to tell you things like this."

Justin shoved JC lightly and gave him a bright smile.  "But even you can't
control me all the time," he said unbuttoning his buttons.

"Justin, I'm warning you," JC said eyeing Justin cooly.

Justin moved up so his face was almost touching JC, his boyish smile and
intoxicating smell filling JC's senses.  "Careful there hun, you'd better
stop pressing my buttons."

JC blushed red as Justin slid off into the crowd.  Shaking his head as he
watched his best friend disappear, JC looked upward, trying to escape from
the hot, packed, suffocating atmosphere he had been unwillingly inserted
into.  Feeling a cooling draft from the vent above, he wiped away beads of
sweat which seemed to continuously roll down his face.  Returning his gaze
forward, he pushed through the crowds trying to reach the table.  Finally
giving up, he just stood still and waited for the crowds to disperse.
Checking his watch, he started tapping his foot impatiently.  Only Justin
was here so far, and judging from what he knew about his friend, it would
take approximately an hour to locate him and drag him over to the table.

*****

Kevin excused himself from the table and walked around the corner and into
the bathroom.  Finding it empty, he went over to the sink, checking his
reflection in the mirror again.

Jason

It seemed like it came up at the oddest moments, the times he missed his
lover.  If he had been here at the moment, they would have run off to some
secluded corner wrapped up together in a loving embrace, their lips tightly
locked.  Kevin wiped a tear from his cheek as it coarsed down his face.
Grasping the corner of the sink so hard his knuckles turned white, Kevin
bent his head and let his breath out in a slow hiss.

Kevin jumped up as the door to the bathroom opened.  Kevin quickly wiped an
arm across his eyes to dry the tears and stepped aside courteously for the
stranger.  "Sorry," he mumbled under his breath.

The stranger looked up and Kevin was confronted with a pair of bright blue
eyes and curly blond locks trimmed to perfection.  "Kevin?"

Kevin looked more closely.  "Hey Justin, I didn't expect you here until a
lot later, knowing the time frame you guys are on.  How's it going?"

Justin pulled a paper towel from the dispense and wrapped it around his
finger.  "Pretty good, I just got a cut and I didn't wanta drip blood all
over the place.  Sorry, but the rest of the guys are going to be late,
although I'm pretty sure that doesn't surprise you."

Kevin laughed and relaxed a little more.  "Hey, no problem.  Do you want to
get back out there and help me set up another table for you guys?"

"Sure, why not?" Justin shrugged and tossed the bloody paper towel into the
trash.

Justin looked up at Kevin, watching the older man move towards the door,
his perfectly sculpted body highlighted under the bright lights of the
bathroom, his flawless skin giving off a dull gleam.  Following him, Justin
shook his head and tried to clear the image from his mind.  What was
happening to him?

*****

JC finally managed to find the table, and hurried over sucessfully without
being recognized.  "Anyone seen Justin?" he asked the four seated figures.

"Hey JC, actually we haven't recently, but I'm sure he'll be back
soon. . . come to think of it, Kevin's missing too," Brian said scanning
the room.

JC pulled up a chair and collapsed into it.  "It takes an hour just to get
up here, even if you aren't in a line," he said frowning.  "I thought you
guys were supposed to be the old men nobody wants to see?"

Brian smacked JC on the back of the head.  "Watch it there, we're the
originals, everyone wants to see the guys who started it all."

JC glared at Brian menacingly.  "Oh yea?  Well we're younger, more
attractive. . . ," JC trailed off as Justin and Kevin returned to the
table.  JC's eyes roamed up and down Kevin's body appraisingly.  If JC
thought his own sweater was suggestive, Kevin's was twice that.  Kevins
body started with well-muscled but slender legs moving up to a perfectly
sculped chest and broad shoulders, the sweater closely hugging his
midsection, occasionally rising up to give JC a view of the band of his
boxers.  Kevin's arms were strangely the most attractive thing, long and
muscular, they ended in the long elegant fingers of a pianist.  JC made eye
contact breifly with Kevin, rivited against an invisible wall as Kevin's
green eyes bore through his body.

JC stood shakily to his feet.  "Hey Justin, I was just about to send out
the search party."

Brian interrupted rudely.  "JC here was just saying about how he beats us
hands down in the looks departements.  How about you give him a lecture,
Mr. Body Beautiful."

Kevin glared at Brian and returned his attention to JC, a flush momentarily
rising in his cheeks.  "I'm sorry JC, Brian does tend to get testy when we
compare the bands, but that's not what we're here for.  And if I may say
so, you do score pretty high in the looks departement too."

It was JC's turn to blush and blush he did.

AJ looked from Kevin to JC and back again.  Slamming the notebook he was
writing in down onto the table, he pushed the chair out from under him with
a loud scrape and was gone in the space of seconds.

Kevin looked over at AJ's empty seat and left abruptly.  Brian's eyes
followed his cousin's hasty retreat and turned his attention back to Justin
and JC.  "Sorry for that bad start guys, I'm Brian," he said extending his
hand.  "I must apologize for my cousin, he tends to bolt sometimes without
any warning.  Don't take it personally, he does it to me all the time."

Justin smiled warmly at Brian.  "No problem, JC here tends to just get up
and leave when the mood takes him."

JC snapped his head up quickly.  "What were you saying Justin?"

"That is, when he's not spacing out."

Howie looked up and smiled disarmingly.  "Of course Justin.  Do you guys
wanna get set up over here?"

Justin nodded and started arranging a stack of photos of NSYNC along with
some pads of paper and a box of pens.

JC wandered over to the table and started aimlessly flipping through a
group of photographs, his mind running over Kevin's image again, reviewing
every startling detail of his handsome image and beautiful emerald eyes.
Letting a breath out deeply, JC let a smile cross his face.  Okay so I'm
attracted to another guy, where does it go from here?

*****

Kevin quickly caught up with AJ and pulled him over.  "Why did you leave so
quickly Alex?"

AJ turned around quickly.  "Because Kevin, I'm your best friend and you're
hiding things from me."  Dropping Kevin's hands, he slumped his shoulders.
"I want to be there for you Kevin, why are you suddenly shelling up?"

Kevin turned away quickly.  "You'll never understand AJ, you'll never know
what happened to me."

AJ turned Kevin back toward him forcefully.  "Well I want to know Kevin,
I'm here for you, I always have been.  Nothing I will learn about you will
startle me."

Kevin inhaled quickly.  "Alright Alex, let me set the scene for you.  It's
a few years ago and I'm dating a guy named Jason."

AJ's eyes opened wide and he started stuttering uncontrollably.  "W-w-what
K-Kevin?  You of all people?  Did you just tell me what I think you did?"

Kevin sighed and looked at the ground.  "Look AJ, I never should have told
you."

"No Kevin, it's good that you did.  I'll listen, it's just that I usually
can tell with people, but I never even felt any vibes coming from you.  I
guess it's just hard to accept that I was wrong for once."

Kevin relaxed a little and ran a hand through his hair.  "Listen Aje,
there's a lot that needs to be said, and we need more time to talk, as well
as somewhere more private.  Come to my room tonight and I'll finish it, I
promise."

AJ looked into Kevin's eye and saw the hurt, the remorse, the anger and the
fear residing in his friend's heart.  Knowing that it was unwise to push
any more, he nodded slowly.  "Alright bro, I'm with you."

*****

Kevin and AJ reappeared at the table quickly, AJ in a quiet mood, and Kevin
had a moody air about him, looking to pounce on the next person who talked.

I can't believe I told him, Kevin thought to himself as he sat down in a
daze.  I swore to myself to keep this a secret.  Why can't I hold myself to
my own word?  But it feels good now, strange to have someone know about me,
but good.  I feel better than I did in a long time.

Kevin looked up and smiled.  "Hey Lance, Chris, Joey, how you guys doing?"

Lance hurried up to the table and extended his hand.  "Hey Kevin, sorry to
be late, we just got caught in a crowd."

Kevin nodded his understanding and motioned to the rest of his group.
"This is Brian, AJ, Howie, and Nick.  I take it you've all probably met
before some way or another."

"Well, we keep tabs on ya'll, just to make sure you old grandpas keep it
goin, I mean, ya'll are my inspiration," Justin drawled politely.

Lance pulled of his jacket dotted with snow.  "Okay guys, get seated.  I'm
sure the girls just can't wait to get started with the signing again, and I
want to see your asses in gear."

Kevin gasped.  "Lance?  My brother!"

Lance was a little taken aback as Kevin pulled him into a hug.  "I thought
I'd never find anyone like me, but here you are."

Lance looked quizzically at Brian who just laughed.  "Kevin always orders
us around and we get fed up with it, saying he's a tyrant and he's putting
us through cruel and unusual punishment.  What you just said was truly
Kevinesque so he's just excited, that's all."

Lance smiled and nodded shyly, returning the hug slightly.  "So, shall be
go be tyrants together?"

Kevin smiled and pulled Lance into a seat next to him.

JC looked over and ground his teeth hard together.  I should be there, I
should be the one he's talking to, he thought to himself.  What the hell am
I thinking?  He's a guy for one, and he's straight.  Just calm down Josh,
just don't worry about it.

JC couldn't help a twinge of jealousy as he watched Kevin's lips come
within inches of Lance's cheek.

"And I was like, I want you all down here in three minutes, or I'm coming
up there," Kevin said laughing, the first real laugh he had had in months.
"But they never came and I went up there and dumped ice from the machine
all over them."

Lance dissolved into laughter, his beautiful features contributing to his
all-over perfect appearance.

Kevin looked through the blond spikes to see JC sitting by himself.
Sighing, Kevin found himself toning Lance out as his eyes locked on to the
object of his affection.

*****

Kevin excused himself from Lance and walked off down the hallway to the
bathroom he had used earlier.  Pushing the heavy metal door in slowly, he
found JC standing in front of the mirror just as he had been hours before.
Coughing softly, he drew JC's attention as he walked in.  "I was just, um,
wondering where you'd been," Kevin said looking down, his eyes tracing the
designs in the tile on the floor.

JC turned and looked up.  "Hey Kevin, I'm sorry, I just found I had
something in my eye, and had to rinse it out."

Kevin moved closer.  "Mind if I take a look at it?"

JC shook his head numbly as Kevin moved closer.  Taking JC's face in his
hands, he shivered at the touch of the warm skin beneath his fingers.
Kevin looked into JC's eyes and felt himself becoming lost, drawn deep down
into their beautiful depths.  "I don't think I see anything," Kevin said
huskily, his voice considerably lower.

JC felt Kevin's hands move down from his head and to his shoulders.  "I
think I see something," JC murmered softly as Kevin began to stroke the
back of his neck lightly.  Pushed back against the sink, JC pushed outwards
against Kevin, the pressure slowly increasing between them.  "Mind if I
look a little closer?" Kevin asked slowly as the distance between their
lips grew smaller and smaller.

Time froze as JC's lips grazed Kevin's, the tension between the two of them
seeming to fill the entire room.  JC's hand went up to the small of Kevin's
back, pushing the sweater up and coming in contact with the warm smooth
skin of Kevin's lower back.

Kevin moaned into JC's mouth as JC's hand decended into his pants, working
their way slowly over his skin.  Suddenly, Kevin seemingly woke up, an
image of Jason's dead body stretched across the street jumping up from the
bowels of his mind.  Stepping back quickly, he blinked several times, tears
pouring unchecked down his cheeks.

"Kevin?" JC started hesitantly, seeing the horrified look on Kevin's face.

Kevin turned and ran out of the bathroom, the door banging shut loudly
after him.  JC sank down on his knees, too shocked to cry.  "Why do I
always fuck everything up?" he said out loud to the empty bathroom, his
question echoing off the tiled walls.

*****

TBC. . .

Okay. . like it?  Hate it?  Hate me?  E-mail me and vent!