Date: Mon, 9 Sep 2002 17:23:50 -0700 (PDT) From: Author James Subject: Trials of a Real Dark Knight 22 Disclaimer: This story, though maybe not in this chapter but in subsequent chapters, will have celebrities in it. I have no knowledge of their sexuality and this is not intended to imply their sexuality. This is all from my own mind. Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, Angel and all related characters created by Joss Whedon. Copyright 20th Century Fox. Batman, and all related characters created by Bob Kane. Copyright DC Comics and Warner Bros. X-MEN, and all related characters created by Stan Lee. Copyright Marvel Comics and 20th Century Fox. The Vampire Chronicles and all related characters created by Anne Rice. Copyright Anne O'Brien Rice. Star Wars and all related concepts created by or based on the universe created by George Lucas. Copyright 20th Century Fox, LucasFilms Ltd. and Lucas Books/Ballantine Books. I don't know for sure if I will use all the above elements, but just in case, I have myself covered. This story has taken on a life of its own. From its inception a year ago, I had only thought it would last ten chapters maximum. As you can see, it has grown tremendously. Mostly due to readers emailing me and telling me they've enjoyed it or have received help due to certain issues addressed. I've enjoyed writing this story but it would not have been written without men and women reading it and telling me they've enjoyed it. I do hope that you continue to enjoy each new chapter as our hero lives and grows. I have received many emails from people who have enjoyed it and some from those who do not. I would enjoy hearing from you. Any emails you send, please tell me what chapter and story you are commenting on. Thanks. authorjames2002@yahoo.com I also have several online messenger services, one of which is this yahoo email address. Some of you know them; however, in the recent weeks I've changed my screen name. If you want to chat with me in real time, email me and tell me the services you use and I will tell you my screen name. Author's Note: The Boy Band Story Awards is coming up. If any of you would like to nominate my story for anything, I believe the nominations begin October 1st. I got into writing because I wanted to create these characters and tell their stories. I didn't expect the story to grow like it has. If I didn't have readers, it probably would not have lasted as long as it has. Thank you for your support. Chapter 22 Battling Internal Homophobia I couldn't believe the request just posed to me by the boy band "Dream Street". Jesse McCartney and Frankie Galasso just told me they are gay and then asked me to help them not be gay. Of all people in the entire country who would gladly do everything in their power to make these two young, talented, attractive men straight, they come to me, a gay-affirming, condemn-the-system-for-making-gay-people-feel-evil-and-inferior, homosexual would-be counselor. This would be like asking the Pope to make someone a Protestant, or Friends of Humanity official to love mutants. It was an impossible request, that's for sure. First of all, no one can be made gay or straight, no matter what anyone, whether minister, theologian, biologist or geneticist says. Being gay is not a choice. Being gay is not a whim or flight of fancy. Most evidence so far points to biology as being the factor of sexual orientation. How could anyone ask another to change how he or she loves and whom he or she loves? It is beyond me. "Have you guys done any research on the topic?" I asked trying to get a feel as to how or why or what on earth made them think they could be changed. "Not really," Frankie said. "It is difficult for us to find any information other than the Internet. And most of the sites we came across were very against being gay. There is a group that is an ex-gay ministry. We'd go there but we are too high-profile to be doing that." "I agree with that, especially if you don't want others to know you are gay." I'm all for people to be out, but the person should be comfortable to be out. It shouldn't be a requirement to be gay or to be involved or to have popularity, fame or celebrity. "There is a lot of confusing information about homosexuality out there on the Internet and in printed page. I wouldn't believe everything you read. Just because it is in print or online doesn't make it true or intelligent. People can say anything they want to so long as they have someone who will publish it. "Could you give me a moment?" I asked. "Sure," Jesse replied. He seemed to have a look of hope on his face and the sound of relief in his voice. I got up and exited the bus. I headed over to the trailer and climbed in. The foreman was on the phone. "Can I help you?" he asked as he looked up at me. "Can I use your phone? I have an important call to make." "Yeah, one moment." The foreman talked for a minute or so concluding his call and hung up. "There you go." "Thanks," I said. When he left, I picked up the phone and called Lance's cell phone number. After a few rings he picked up. "Hello." "Hi, babe." "Hi," he said, a smile coming to his voice. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?" "I need your help; actually, I need NSYNC's help." "What is it?" he asked becoming serious. "There is a group of guys here, the band 'Dream Street'. And two are gay. The thing is they want to be straight." "What?" he asked unbelievingly. "Yeah, I know. But they want to be straight and they believe I can help them." "Poor guys," Lance said. "There must be a lot of internal homophobia for them to seek out a so-called cure." "It might be all internal. Or it could be external homophobia influencing what they feel and believe, or what they should feel and believe. I don't think they have had much experience with gay people, so whatever stereotypes they have been taught is what they believe is fact. "Would you and they guys be willing to talk with them tonight?" "Yeah, sure. What time?" "I'm thinking of your group being there around 5:00. I will invite these guys over around 6:00. I would like to talk with the JC, Joey and everyone before 'Dream Street' shows up. Just sort of some precautionary stuff." "Got you. I'll talk with the guys." "Thanks, Lance. I appreciate it." "You're welcome." I could hear the smile in his voice again. "See you tonight. Love you." "Love you, too." I hung up and went back to the tour bus. The door was open so I went in. The guys were sitting in the same places looking up at me nervously, anticipating some 'good news'. I wanted them to feel hopeful, but at the same time I wanted them to be open to the truth. "It is rather difficult to find a comfortable, private place to talk. Here is my home address." I handed the paper to Jesse. "If you guys could come by around 6:00, we could talk much more openly, honestly, and privately. What do you say?" Jesse looked at the piece of paper and then up at me locking eyes with mine. The poor guy was torn tremendously. He wanted to love Frankie, truly love him. But at the same time, he had all these "truths" and "facts" telling him he was wrong. I wanted to take him and Frankie into my arms and hold them and love them. But that would only have freaked them out. "We'll be there," Chris answered. "Thanks for your help." "You're welcome. I've made arrangements for some guys who have gone through what you are going through to be there to help you. They won't tell a soul about what is going on and I think they can honestly help you." "Thanks, for everything," Greg said. "You're welcome." I turned and left the room, then the bus and headed to the SUV. After climbing in, I started up the motor and headed back to the house to prepare for the youth coming to the house tonight. Lance arrived around 4:00 and got cleaned up from his busy day. I made us a quick dinner and we finished eating. Lance loaded the dishes while I went and showered. As I came down, I heard the voices of Justin, JC, Chris and Joey in the kitchen talking to Lance. "There he is," Chris said as I entered. "Hey, Chris. Hi, guys. Thanks for coming over." "You're welcome," Joey said. "What is this about exactly? Lance didn't give us much detail." "Do you guys know the band 'Dream Street'?" I asked. The guys nodded. "The group came to me today to tell me that two of the members are gay. They want me to cure them of their sexual orientation." "Wow!" JC exclaimed. "That's a big order." "An impossible order, to be honest. What I need from you guys is openness about what you felt when Justin came out to you as being gay, Lance coming out as being gay, and Justin finally came out as being bisexual. What they need is realness, not condemnation or someone saying they are right or wrong for their feelings. They've obviously been taught to believe that being gay is wrong, or at the least that money is more important than their sexual orientation. Let them talk and open up. They need to feel unthreatened." The guys nodded and we went into the living room to make ourselves comfortable and make sure there were enough seats to talk with the other band. At 6:00 the doorbell rang. I got up and answered it to see Matt in front. "Hi, Matt." "Hi, Mr. McCoy," he said. "Hello everyone. Please, come in and sit down. And call me Eric." The guys poured into the living room and stopped in their tracks at who was waiting for them. "That's...that's NSYNC," Chris muttered. "Yes, it is," I quickly answered as I closed the door. "Please, have a seat. There is plenty of room for everyone." Matt, Jesse and Greg sat on the couch, while Frankie sat in a chair in the corner and Chris sat on the floor between Frankie's chair and the couch leaning up against the couch. Lance sat in a chair in the corner near the steps. JC sat on the floor beside us. Joey sat in the other chair and Chris and Justin sat on the floor by him. "First off, I want everyone to know that everything said here stays here. No one is to talk about who is here tonight. Second, everyone is free to think, feel and believe what he is thinking. But I want everyone to also be open to hear other points of view and other experiences. No one is here to condemn or hate. And I don't want any hostility from anyone. Is everyone agreeable to that?" Heads around the room nodded, though a few seemed hesitant. "Good." I walked over to where Lance was sitting and sat on the floor in front of him. "I know why you are here," I said to 'Dream Street'. "Tell them why you are here." Jesse cleared his voice and sat up placing his elbows on his knees and folding his hands in front of him. "I have a problem. So does Frankie. We are gay, and we have feelings for each other. "We've tried not to have these feelings. We've been told they are wrong. We know that if we were to act on them, especially in public, it would ruin who we are, the image we put on display, and the careers of our friends." "Let's talk about the first thing you said, Jesse. Who defined being gay as a problem?" "It just is," Chris answered. Everyone turned attention to Chris. He became slightly uncomfortable. "Its okay, Chris. Please, continue." "Being gay just is a problem. Two guys doing it can't have babies and two girls can't have babies. And it is just gross, what they do in bed. Well, it is gross what two guys do. To be honest, I think it would be hot to see two girls get it on." A few chuckles came from Matt and Chris. "That's honest, Chris," I said with a smile. "Most straight men would think it is hot to see two women have sex. But think about this. Straight men are attracted to women anyway. That's why you aren't uncomfortable with it. "You are uncomfortable with two guys having sex because you are not attracted to guys. You would be uncomfortable in that position. That's okay to be uncomfortable. Being heterosexual is natural to you. It is how you are born." "But what about being gay?" Jesse said. "Are gay people born that way?" "More and more research is leaning toward biological explanations for sexual orientation. I know I didn't choose to be gay." "Neither did I," Lance said leaning up and placing his hand on my shoulder. "Me, either...well, bisexual, any way," Justin completed. "You mean...you're gay?" Matt asked. "Yes," we all said. "So you are going to convince us that being gay isn't a problem and that those two should get it on!" Chris said getting rather angry. "Calm down, Chris," I said in a firm but non-threatening voice. "How can you ask me to calm down!? What you are saying, if they were to act on it, it would ruin our careers! I would lose my job!" "I appreciate what you are feeling," Chris said. "I was exactly where you are a few years ago when Justin first came out as being gay. I thought NSYNC had sold its last record, we had recorded our last song, and we were going our separate ways. But as the group went on, as I became reacquainted with who Justin was, I didn't have a problem with it. I realized that any fans who stopped listening to our music based solely on a member's sexual orientation wasn't a true fan at all." "How did you guys deal with it? Didn't you have to hide it?" Matt asked. "At first we did," JC replied. "Plus, his first boyfriend wasn't very sociable. His second boyfriend, Eric, was very subdued anyway so it wasn't an issue. Justin was allowed to be himself in front of us, and he chose to act any way he wanted while in public. I don't think he was really out until Dylan." "And Lance," Joey said. "Lance and Eric are very open about their relationship now. If you saw the awards ceremony last winter, Lance held Eric's hand, hugged him and kissed him on television. He doesn't care about people who hate him." "And I had greater faith in my fans," Lance said. "I had faith that they loved me as a person and my music as a work of art. Who I was with and what I did in my bedroom was my business, not theirs." "But what about the feelings I have inside," Jesse said with tears filling his eyes. "I can't deal with this. I feel that it is wrong deep inside." He turned to Frankie who sat quiet the entire time. "I'm sorry, Frankie. You know I love you. But I can't control...I can't understand why I feel so horrible at the same time." Frankie looked away and down at the floor. This was tearing him up, too, though he didn't want to openly deal with it. Jesse turned back to me. "I can't...I can't go on like this. Please...please...make it stop." Jesse's head fell as his tears did the same. I got up and went over to him. Kneeling in front of him I took him into my arms. He cried uncontrollably now and his arms went around me, clutching me tightly as if I were a lifeline. "Let it out, Jesse," I whispered. "It is going to be okay." Frankie stood and rushed passed me out the front door. Lance stood and followed. 'Thank God for Lance,' I thought. 'Hopefully he can help Frankie.' Frankie headed out the door. He couldn't believe he was hearing Jesse say the words he just spoke. After all they shared, after all they felt toward each other... "Frankie," Lance said. "What?" Frankie replied, voice cracking. "Where are you going?" "Any where that is away from here, away from...Jesse." "Why?" Lance walked up closer to Frankie. "Didn't you hear what he said? He thinks it is wrong for us to love each other! Do you think I want to be around someone like that?" "I know it hurts. I'm sorry for what you are going through. Do you think you can abandon what you feel?" "I can try." "It won't work. I know. I've tried. A few months ago, I thought Eric was dead. I tried to move on with my life, take small steps. But I always loved Eric, and I couldn't stop. I couldn't forget it, or abandon it, or stop loving him. And you can't stop loving him, not when there is hope that he can admit his feelings for you." "He admits he has feelings for me. He thinks it is wrong, though. How do I look at him like that? How do I work beside him knowing he thinks what we feel for each other is wrong?" Frankie's tears fell from his eyes. "I can't do this any more." Lance walked up to him and took him into his arms and cried with him. "I wish I could promise you the future, Frankie. I wish I could say that everything would work out the way you want. I can't. But you have to be honest with yourself, with your feelings. It may hurt, but you do more damage to yourself if you repress your feelings. Anger and hatred will build up and eat you from within. "Eric is going to do all he can to prove to your friends that being gay is okay. If they are open-minded and openhearted, they will see truth, pure truth, not biased truth or selfish truth. Maybe they will accept it. Maybe they won't. But I'm not prepared to give up on them. And you shouldn't either. It is rough. I won't deny that. It was rough for me. But I was honest. How can you fault someone for being honest with his or her feelings? You can't. And you shouldn't. "What do you say? Come back in with me and be honest with your friends about how you feel." Frankie nodded wiping a tear from his cheek and sniffing. "Okay." Lance smiled at him and gave him a hug. The two walked back to the house unsure of what was waiting for them. To Be Continued... Eric the psychologist is back in action. And Lance is taking a more active role. What do you think? I'd love to hear from you.