Date: Sat, 06 Oct 2001 17:37:12 -0400
From: Kay Black <sweet_love_99@hotmail.com>
Subject: Tearing Up My Heart Part 1

Disclaimer: We do not know the Backstreet Boys and/or their sexual
preferences. This story is not meant to imply anything, other than that
our minds are messed up and we're wishing for something we'll never see.
IF you don't like to read about m/m sexual relationships then leave. If
you are breaking any laws by being here than leave. Otherwise enjoy.

Notes: I wanna thank my friend Candy O. for helping me write this. She
deserves as much recognition as I do, she wrote half! This story is
basically writing itself and we're not sure when the next chapter will be
out, but there WILL be one! This will probably be written in monthly
installments, but we hope it will be worth the wait. Now without further
adue we give you:

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Tearin' Up My Heart

* * * * * * * * * * * *

There was a knock at his front door. Aj sauntered over and
opened it up. Standing there in the rain, dripping wet, was one of
his best friends. AJ could tell by the look on his face something
was bothering him. He probably needed some advice about his latest
girlfriend.
"Hi. Can I come in?"
"Sure, Nick. Let me get you a towel," Nick stepped inside and closed
the door, "Something bothering you? Anything I can help with?"
Nick paused and drew in a deep breath."Yeah, actually I figured
you'd be the bestto go to. I mean, seeing that you went through
this." AJ looked confused and threw him a towel. Nick followed AJ to
the couch and sat down.
"Go on."
"Um, well, I'm not quite happy with my girlfriend...in fact, I broke
up with her last night..." Nick trailed off. 'Figures' AJ thought.
"And, uh, you see...I think I might be, well not really, but I'm
curious about, well, um..being with..another guy. So I thought I
could talk to you." AJ was speechless. He'd been open with the guys
about his sexuality for some time now, but he'd never expected any
of them to be gay also.And now Nick was telling that he wondered
about it. This was a shock. AJ wondered if Nick had anyone in mind
to experiment with. Then AJ was taken by surpise when Nick leaned
over and kissed him. AJ felt Nick's warm moist toungue enter his
mouth and he deepened the kiss.Nick pulled away and look AJ in the
eyes. "AJ I thought I should tell you because...well...I...love
you!."Nick said looking at the floor almost whispering.
"Nick...I...I" AJ said trailing off. "I know I am such and Idiot I
can't belive I told you I knew it. Fuck am I stupid I should go.
What the fuck was I thinking? Oh my god AJ I am SO sorry.
...I..Bye." Nick said standing up to grab his coat. "Oh shut up and
Kiss me." AJ said to Nick as he grabbed him by the collar pulling
him into his awaiting lips. They fell to the floor in a passionate
kiss Oh how AJ wanted to feel Nick's chest. He pulled Nicks shirt
over his head Nick looked at him half shocked half thrilled. "This
is ok with you right?" AJ asked seeing Nick shocked. "Perfect. This
is what I wanted." Nick said pulling AJ in for another kiss. Nick
pulled of AJ's shirt and saw his beautiful six pack. Nick started to
work his way down plating little kisses all the way down AJ's chest
stopping only to lick AJ's nipples playfully, working his way
down to AJ's tight leather pants he looked into
AJ's eyes and saw him
odd and continued to unzipp his pants and pulling down his boxers
the noticed a huge and hard cock in his face. Not knowing quite what
to do he started to jack him off the way he knew that he liked it.
AJ threw his head back and moaned loudly. "Oh Oh Nick!!Oh Oh Oh!! Oh
faster!! Here I cummmm."AJ screamed as he came in Nicks face. Nick
not quite sure what to do looked at AJ. AJ looked into his eyes and
said "Nick baby, fuck me." AJ stode up and grabbed a bottle of lube
out of the top dresser drawer and walked over to Nick who looked
nervous. "Are you sure you wanna do this??" AJ asked Nick looked at
him and said "I would love to." A huge smile spreading across his
face. He grabbed the bottle of lube and pushed AJ onto the floor,
first lubing himself then lubing AJ's hole. Putting AJ's legs around
him he placed his cock up against his hole and slowly pushed into
him. AJ moaned and screamed Nicks name loudly. Nick started pumping
faster and faster untill Nick screamed "Here it cummmmms!!" And him
came in AJ's ass. Then a few seconds later AJ came too. Nick pulled
out of AJ and collapsed beside him holding each other they fell
asleep.
* * * * *
When AJ woke up he felt his arms around a warm body. He couldn't
recall Jesse comin over last night. Then he began to remember the
passionate love he and Nick shared, he remembered Nick's whispered
confessions that he ha loved AJ since so long ago. AJ had a tear in
his eye as he gazed at the sleeping blond angel. And then reality
struck him. Nick was in love with him, but he couldn't love Nick.
How could he, when hewas so in love with Jesse, his boyfriend? Jesse
had been there for AJ when he came out to the guys. He loved Jesse
so much and he couldn't see himself hurting the man. But where did
that leve his sweet, innocent Nick? Aj's thoughts were interrupted
by the stirrings of his lover.
Morning baby," Nick sighed, and leaned in to kiss AJ; but he pulled away.
Nick, I can't."
Why not?"
Because I don't love you. I *can't* love. Last night was a mistake.
Please, Nick, go home and
forget
about me, forget about last night. We're not right for each other." AJ
got up and felt his heart tearing
in two. He knew Nick's must be too, but this was for the best. He loved
Jesse; and things could
never work between him and Nick. AJ pulled on his black silk boxers and
went to get dressed
leaving a grieveing Nick on the couch.
Later that day AJ went over to Jesse's apartment. He needed to talk with
him, and it needed to be
now. He was greeted with a smile and a warm kiss from his boyfriend.
"AJ, babe, you never called last night. You look like you were crying, is
something the matter? Jesse
questioned with his emerald green eyes full of concern. AJ lit up a
cigarette and started to pace the
apartment, not speaking. Finally Jesse got fed up and pulled himonto the
couch. AJ ran his fingers
through Jesse's soft black hair. He pulled away from his love's embrace
and put out his cigarette. He
turned to look Jesse in the eye, took a dep breath and then began.
"Jesse, baby, I love you, But I think we really need to talk... "
"What about hun?" Jesse's gentle emerald eyes looked at AJ's stern face
"Ok well...you know last night I was pretty hammered?" Jesse nodded not
quite sure what AJ was
getting at. "Well after you left, a good friend of mine, Nick you've met
him? Well any way he came
over pretty upset about his girlfriend, he needed to talk so we so we
talked and he told me...he
said...he..came outta the closet." Looking at the floor he continued.
"And he said he loved me since
the day we met, and....he.....Kissed me and...wel...one thing led to
another and we..." Aj trailed off
not able to complete his thought. Jesse just looked at him unable to say
anything , he just stared in
disbelief, finally AJ said to Jesse "Well aren't you gonna say
something?Yell?Scream?beat the hell
outta me?Something? anything?"Jesse looked up at AJ with tears filling
his beautiful eyes. "AJ I love
you, GET THE HELL OUTTA MY HOUSE!!!"
* * * * *
Mean while......
Nick left AJ's and needed to talk to someone. Anyone. Then he
remembered... Misty! His ex and
best friend! Someone he could tell anything to. He decided to call Misty
on his cell."Hey..it's Nick..I
need to talk..sure..Starbucks..37th and main..20 minuts..ok..see ya
then..bye."Nick turned off his
phone and sighed as he started up his green corvette and drove off
putting his sunglasses and bucket
hat disguise. He drove up to the Starbucks Turned off the car and sighed
think about AJ. He walked
ionto the Starbucks and sat down waiting for Misty when she got there he
ran over to her and hugged
her while sobbing getting her shoulder all wet. She hugged him and
soothed him untill he calmed
down enough to talk calmly. He told the whole story and when he finished
she just said "What an
Asshole!"He looked at her and burst out crying and screaming "I love
him!Oh god I Love him!" Misty
looked at him with love in her eyes and said "Hun, I know you love him
but he don't and won't love
you." Nick looked at her and he was as mad as hell "What the fuck Misty!
I thought you would say
something comforting not this you cold hearted BITCH!"He ran out of the
Starbucks into the parking
lot and started up his corvette and screamed out of the parking lot not
thinking clearly he drove as
fast as he could. Not being in the right state of mind he sped not
noticing the 18 wheeler coming strait
for him.
"Shit!" Nick screamed and swung the car to the left, just as the semi
truck was about to hit him. The
truck swerved as well almost hitting a lamp post. Both drivers got out of
their cars and Nick ran over
to the trucker. "Are you ok man? Sorry I wasn't really paying attention."
Nick explained.
"It's fine, your car looks ok, this big rig ain't hurt, you look fine,
and I know I am." The man explained
he looked to be about 25 with deep chocolate brown eyes, and shaggy red
hair. He had an air about
him that Nick found sexy."Hey, aren't you that dude from *N Sync? Ashley
right? I watch your show
all the time!" Nick couldn't help but laugh.
"Actually, I'm Nick, from Backstreet Boys. Listen, I have to get going,
but I'm really sorry about
everything." Nick said and turned to get into his corvette.
* * * *
"What do you mean? Please, Jesse, babe, can't we just talk about this? I
love you," AJ said,
dropping to his knees and grabbing Jesse around the waist, holding him
close, "I don't want to hurt
you, that's why I told you. I'm not hiding this from you, because there
is *nothing* to hide. It was a
moment of bad judgement and I'm so sorry. Please Jesse, please don't
leave me. I need you so
much." Jesse looked sternly at AJ.
"If you needed me so much then you wouldn't have slept with him. I can't
understand your actions.
You say you love me then you sleep with someone else. I have ALWAYS been
here for you. I have
done everything I can to make you happy. I love you, how could you betray
me like this?" AJ started
to cry. He was the one who did this, it was his stupidity that did all
this. AJ got up to leave, tears
streaming down his face, but Jesse stopped him. "AJ? Do I really mean
alot to you? Do you really
love me? Was being with Nick *really* just a bad decision, or is it
something more? I love you, and I
don't wanna let you go, but I might have to. Please, AJ, speak to me." AJ
looked at Jesse and started
to cry harder. "AJ I can't talk to you right now I think....I think...we
need to have a break from each
other. I love you with all my heart but...you betrayed me and I need some
time to deal with this.
Please just leave me alone." With that AJ left and sat in his car for
half an hour thinking about
everything he has done in the last 24 hours "FUCK!! I can't belive it!!
Why do these things always
have to happen to me!!Oh my god i need to talk to... Nick. I nee to
explain to him what happened
and why I can't love him." AJ was about to start up his car when he burst
out ceying "God I LOVE
NICK! How could I fall in love with my best friend!GOD I LOVE HIM I LOVE
HIM." AJ kept
repeating those words over and over again. AJ decided to call Nicks cell
." Hey Nick.. It's me... I'm
sorry... I think we should talk... are you busy??? Ok well call me
later...Love ya...Bye" After hanging
up the phone both AJ and Nick clued in.
*****
Meanwhile....
"WAIT!!" The trucker screamed after Nick "Shit" Nick mumbled under his
breath ' of course I aint
gonna get off that easy' "Yeah" He turned and looked the hansome man in
the eyes. "Um.... I was
thinking..." Just then Nick's cell rang "Just a sec" He heard AJ's voice
on the other end
"Hello...yah....yah...ok..yeah..love ya too...Bye" Just then they both
clued in to the conversation that
they had just had .... Did they ... Love each other???
"Was that your girlfriend or something? Listen, man, maybe I should let
you go to her. I don't wanna
be a bother anymore." The hauler explained. 'Shit, I should have know a
gorgeous man like that
wouldn't be gay. I almost made such a fool out of my self.'
"No," Nick said, "actually, I don't have a girlfriend. Actually, I'm, uh,
gay." Nick looked at the ground
waiting for the laughs and names to start, but when the trucker said
nothing he looked up.
"I'm gonne be in town for the next week. Maybe we could hook up, Nick?
Here's my number, call
me." And with that they both got in their cars. Nick was so confused. Did
he love AJ? And why did
AJ turn his back on him, then call and say he loved him? What was going
on?
When Nick got home AJ was waiting for him in the driveway. He parked and
let AJ inside when his
cell rang yet again.
"Nick, it's Misty. Please don't freak, I just called because I'm worried
about you. I know I didn't
react the way you wanted; but really Nick, you didn't have to flip like
that. I don't want to fight with
you. I just wanted to see if you're ok."
"Whoa, Misty, breathe hun. I'm fine, sorry for freaking on you back
there. Um, AJ came over so I'm
gonna have to call you back, I think I need to talk to both of
you.....ok....bye!" Nick hung up the
phone and looked at AJ. "I'm thinking we need to talk."
"Yeah, I think so too."
"So, AJ, Start talking." AJ took a deep breath and then began.
"Well, Nick, I do have feelings for you. But I know we could never work.
I mean I'm not with Jesse
anymore, but you and me just wouldn't work out. I really hope that we'll
be ok as just friends, and I
really hope that things don't get weird. Nick, please don't just look at
me blankly. Nick? Say
something?" Nick just couldn't figure out why it didn't hurt as much as
he expected. Somewhere deep
in his heart he knew what AJ was saing was true, maybe that's why. Nick
stuck his hands into his
pockets and felt the crumpled paper.
"AJ, I understand. I love you, but I can understand if you don't want to
be with me. Maybe its not
*you* I love, but the *idea* of you that I love. I have to move on, I'm
sad don't get me wrong, but
this is for the best. Let's try and not make it weird, ok? Well, I'm
really tired so I'll see you later, ok?"
Nick faked a yawn as AJ left. As soon as the door closed Nick pulled out
the wrinkled paper and
called the trucker to set up a date.
*****
AJ sat in the driveway for an hour thinking about Nick. He knew he loved
Nick and he wanted to be
with him but, it was clear that Nick had gotten over him. What could he
do to make Nick realize that
they should be together. H e didn't know what to do. AJ decided to leave
and go get some sleep he
had had one hard day and he needed to get his priorities in line.After AJ
got home he decide to call
Jesse. "Het Jesse..whats up...not much...just hanging...oh..i
see...yeah...miss you too...ok...buh bye.."
AJ hung up and laid down on the bed. 'What the hell was i thinking
telling Nick I have feelings for him
and still having feelings for Jesse.As AJ pondered he fell into a deep
dreamless sleep.
*****
That night Nick and Dave (the trucker) Went out on a date. They went to
dinner and a movie. After
the movie Nick and Dave went back to Nicks house. When they got inside
Nick and Dave were
kissing passionatly.They were both full af passion and they both wanted
each other. Just as Nick was
pulling Dave into his room the phone rang.
"Shit," Nick swore under his breath, "let's just let the machine pick it
up." Dave nodded. The machine
answered it and then they heard Brian's urgent voice.
"Nick, c'mon, pick up. I *know* you're there. Fine, be like that. I have
something really important I
need to talk to you about. Please call me A.S.A.P. I heard something from
AJ we *need* to discuss.
Call me. See ya Frack."
Nick looked at Dave, "So do you wanna or not?" he questioned and pulled
Dave into his bedroom
closing the doors behind him. Dave looked at Nick questioningly when Nick
pulled out the handcuffs,
and ripped off his shirt, throwing him on the bed. He straddled Dave and
then undid the belt and
button on his pants pulling them down. Nick then took the handcuffs and
handcuffed a now
half-naked Dave to the headboard of his bed. Straddling his lover, Nick
took off his own shirt and
pants and leaned over and grabbed out some condoms and lube. He looked at
Dave, and Dave
nodded. Nick took off their boxers and put on one of the condoms. He
dipped his fingers into the
lube and coated the condom. Then Nick wiggled one finger inside Dave's
hole to lube him. When he
saw the look of sheer pleasure on Dave's face Nick sipped in another
finger and slowly started to
finger-fuck him. When Nick had had enough he pulled his fingers out and
positioned himself so that
his head was at Daves hole. He pushed his engorged cock into Dave and
started to thrust in and out.
Nick worked faster and faster, he took Dave's dick in his hand and
started to give him a hand job.
Neither heard the door open and a voice call for Nick. Nick started to
pump harder and harder, he
was so close to the edge and he could tell dave was too.
"Oh god Nick that feels so good."Dave moaned as the door to the bedroom
opened. Just then Dave
came crying out Nick's name over and over. The tightening of Dave's ass
caused Nick to cum.
"Oh, yesss! I'm cuuummmming!!!" Nick called and collapsed on Dave's
chest.
"Oh. My. God." Said the man from down stairs.
"Holy Shit! What are *you* doing here?" Nick accused staring straight
into his eyes. AJ looked hurt
like a sad little puppy when he said.
"Well I came to..um...apologize but it seems that you've gotten over me
quite quickly so I'll leave."AJ
said as he stromed out of the bedroom and down the stairs. When he
reached to door he had tears
streaming down his face.
Nick thought to himself 'On shit' as he grabbed his boxers and ran
downstairs to find AJ at the door
about to leave "AJ I...I...pleaz turn around and talk to me.Why did u
come here after you told me
that you didn't love me huh?tell me?" AJ spun around on his heel looking
Nick strait in the eyes "Nick
I came back to tell you that I was wrong and that.." AJ kissed Nick and
turned around."Bye
Nick...I...I...Love you." And with that AJH left Nick sitting in his
living room feeling about 100
emotions.Love,Hate,Guilt,shame. Whatever other emotions you can think of.
As soon as AJ left Nick called brian on his cell and told him everthing
that happened. As soon as
Nick finished Brian said "Oh my god!Ok Can I ask you a question... Do you
love him?"Well do
you?"Nick sat in silence as the realization of what had happened tonight.
Dave decided to leave in the
middle of his conversation with Brian. Nick felt like crap all of the
sudden Brian cut him back into
reality by ask "Do you love him?"Again. Nick decided to asewr his qestion
honestly "Yes" He
whispered"Well then you have to tell him!and now before he does something
you'll both regret.Well I
gotta go. Call him!"and with that Brian hung up. Nick sat in the dark for
about an hour before calling
AJ's cell phone.
"Hey AJ? It's Nick. Can we talk?....mmm hmmm....ok....I'll be right over.
Bye, I love you.
*****
When Nick got to AJ's house he found AJ crying on the couch.
"AJ, babe, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Nick sat down and held AJ.
He ran his fingers
through AJ's hair and softly kissed his lips."Shhh, AJ. It's ok babe,
don't cry." AJ pulled away from
Nick's grasp and looked him in the eye.
"It's not ok, Nick don't you understand? I love Jesse, but I'm *in love*
with you. You tell me you
love me, but do you really? And who was that guy at your house. What's
going on Nick? I NEED to
know, I'm so confused." AJ said turning away from Nick.
"AJ look at me. I LOVE YOU! That guy back at my place was nothing, a way
to get over you
because you didn't want me, ok? I was willing to move on, if you didn't
love me. I thought that would
be for the best. Listen, I know I haven't been acting that way, but AJ,
babe I really do love you.
Please, just give me a chance to let you see." Nick pulled AJ into him
and whispered in his ear, "I
love you." He softly kissed AJ's lips and ran hs fingers u and down AJ's
spine, causing him to shiver.
AJ put his arms around Nick and pulled him in closer deepening the kiss,
slowly slipping his tongue in
between Nick's lips. When the kiss finally ended Nick told AJ he wanted
to take things slow, he held

AJ and they fell alseep together.

That's it that's all..for now. Hope you enjoy. E-mails are:
sweet_love_99@hotmail.com and love_and_hugz@hotmail.com . Any comments or
suggestions are welcomed and enjoyed.

Kay and Candy