Author's Note: Ok, the guys in the chat are making me post this... if you think it sucks, go yell at them... if you think it's good... e-mail me @ email@example.com
By the way: Hi, I'm Willow.
"I'm falling in love with Justin."
The dark haired man was amazed he had been able to say the words out loud, and the skies had not collapsed in upon his head. Chris slammed his head into the bedspread, angrily fighting off tears. "Dammit!" he said softly. "I promised myself I wouldn't do this! How am I supposed to face the group knowing what I do?" Chris swiped furiously at his eyes.
Chris had long ago come to terms with the fact that women didn't attract him. He had been through all of the phases, the self-loathing, the depressions, the question, and finally the acceptance. His family knew, and they supported him, but when Chris joined Nsync he hadn't known the other men long enough to tell them. He had known instinctively that the group was going places and he would give anything to go those places with the other guys. Since then he knew that the other four were relatively open-minded, but for some reason he still couldn't tell them. He just... couldn't.
The one thing Chris had made sure of however, was that he would never
look at one of his bandmates as anything other than a brother. The four
of them had never shown any sign that they might be gay, and Chris refused
to make things awkward. But now- now everything would have to change.
Chris and Justin had always teased each other mercilessly, Chris being the eldest and Justin the youngest. It was only recently that Chris had begun to notice that he was feeling something more than brotherly. He refused to admit to himself at first, but it was impossible.
What wasn't impossible, he decided, was hiding it. He was able to hide that he was gay for seven years, how hard could it be to not tell Joey something else?
*~*~*the next day*~*~*
"Hey!" Joey cried out, stopping It's Gonna Be Me in mid-routine so he could race over to his older friend. Chris stood, stooped over with his hands on his knees, panting for breath.
"Shit," J.C. said under his breath, hurrying over along with Justin and Lance. "Are you okay?" he asked, worriedly.
Chris straightened immediately as he felt Joey's hand on his back. "I'm fine," he lied through his teeth. "Just a little cramp is all."
"Ok take five you guys," Wade said, knowing he couldn't regain control at this point anyway.
"Seriously Chris," Lance asked, "Are you all right?"
"I'm Fine!" Chris insisted, shrugging off Joey's hand and walking over to his bottle of water. He took a swig and then dumped some of it on his face, attempting to cool off.
"Of course he's fine," Justin joked. "Grampa just ain't what he used to be."
"Shut up Justin," Joey hissed softly, but the younger man didn't hear.
Chris laughed loudly as he sat. "Youngster," he said gravely, "If I
was you I'd respect my elders before you get a foot to the seat of your
"Ah come and take me old man," Justin sneered. He danced menacingly around Chris as the elder man laughed.
Without warning Chris jumped up and tackled Justin to the ground. The younger man squirmed helplessly for a few seconds before he got the upper hand and the two were soon rolling around, grappling at each other as the three other men stood around laughing.
It was at this point that Wade reentered the room and he sighed. "Children," he scolded, shaking his head. All action ceased as Chris and Justin looked first at Wade, then at each other, and finally- back at Wade.
"Oh crap," the eighteen year old choreographer said at Chris & Justin's twin grins of total evil. He didn't have the time to get anything else out before he was on the ground.
Later that evening a dark haired man sat alone in his hotel room.
"Fuck," he hissed, pressing the bag of ice against his knee.
Chris sighed, leaning back against the bed, willing the tears of pain from his eyes.
"Damn knee," he muttered. It was an old injury, stemming from his days at Universal. It rarely bothered him, but lately-
"Fuck," Chris said again, feeling some of his tension ease with the guilty pleasure of the word. Watching your language around cameras just about 24/7 was HARD. "What if Justin's right? What if I am too old for this?"
Chris sat back up, groaning at the feel of his joints popping. "I can't let everybody down!" he said forcefully. "Justin's only 20- he's got years ahead of him- and I *can't* let the guys down. Nobody ever thought we'd last this long and I can't stop NOW! This isn't fair!"
"Calm down Chris!" he told himself softly. "Calm down. You're not too
old. You're just overreacting because your birthday is in a week. Calm
"Calm down Chris," he repeated. "You're talking to yourself. Imagine if Justin could see you now, you'd never live it down. Ever."
`Justin,' Chris sighed. He knew if the group ever split, Justin at least would survive. J.C. would always be behind the scenes in some way and Lance had FLE, but Justin... That boy would always be a star. There was just something about the blond man that screamed out his destiny as a star, and Chris wasn't going to argue. The man was perfection. Chris wasn't sure how it was possible or legal that Justin existed, but he did. And as selfish as it was, Chris needed to be there with him. If the group split up, Justin would be a star alone- and then where would Chris be? Chris couldn't stand to have Justin on the road if he wasn't there with him. And so, Chris promised himself that no matter what, he was going to go out and dance as he always had. He was going to sing, and dance and smile through the pain, and he was going to stay with Justin. He still refused to tell the younger man how he felt, but Chris needed the closeness, the camaraderie.
Satisfied with his decision, Chris lay back down and attempted to sleep,
wincing as he curled his legs up.
"I'm fine," he assured himself. "Just fine."