Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2001 01:50:37 +1000 (EST) From: Corey Taylor Subject: the more you ignore me 2 Hi Guys, I know I promised this to people like a week ago, but I read what I had written and it was utter shite, so I had to rewrite the chapter about 3 times this week. I didn't want to just throw something together and post it, because then you'd all kill me, but I ended up having to do just that, because creative writing eluded me this week. Sorry if you waited ages for this and then hate it, but I promise I will do better next time. It's only a short chapter, and it isn't setting a trend as far as quality goes, I'm just having a bad week. I've got to thank all the people who sent really encouraging emails about the last chapter, you were all ace, especially Jack, Ian, Rob, Siege, The friendly Shrek fan, Ariana, Christine, Miss Moosic, Aaron, Mel and Dawn. Disclaimer: I'm Lance Bass and if you don't believe me....um..you're a very good judge of character. I don't know how to break this news to you all, but this story is just....OH MY GOD..made up, just like Santa, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy, God, Jesus, the Devil and Demi Moore's acting credentials. On with the story: # # # # # # # # "Every time I see you no matter what we do there's a strange reaction can you feel it too?" JC lay on the floor of Justin's bedroom reading the newspaper, as Justin sat cross-legged on the bed alternately listening to music, flicking through a magazine and talking on his mobile phone. "Jayce" Justin asked timidly. "Yeah" JC answered, without looking up from the paper. "Is something wrong?" "What do you mean?" JC asked, rolling over onto his side and staring up at Justin, who was still sitting on the bed. "Well you've been kinda down since you got back from your parents place and I was wondering if maybe something happened. I mean you don't have to tell me, it just seems weird that you'd be sad on your vacation. If you want to talk to someone.." 'tell him' his conscience urged. "No, nothing's wrong Just, I'm fine, just tired." JC replied. 'you wuss' his conscience taunted. How could he possibly explain his feelings to Justin when he couldn't fully understand them himself. He didn't like to keep secrets from Justin, they were best friends and told each other everything, but at the moment he was so confused he didn't think he actually knew what was wrong, so how could he tell Justin. "I try to laugh about it cover it all up with lies I try to laugh about it hiding the tears in my eyes because boys don't cry" Since the tour had ended JC had spent a week with his family at his parents house, but for some reason he wasn't as happy to see them as he normally would have been. He loved his family and loved to spend time with them, but there was something else on his mind. He felt depressed and had slept most of the time, avoiding contact with people in case the constant threat of crying gave way to a torrent of tears that would be difficult to explain. "Every time I see you you have the same effect my heart starts missing a beat Every time" "I spoke to Lance the other day and he was a bit down too." At the mention of Lances name JC's interest peaked. "I mean it's weird, usually once the tour has ended we don't hear from him until we start work again, but the other day he rang me out of the blue. He sounded like he was about to cry" Justin continued "I think its just exhaustion" JC mused "Well for me anyway, I mean all that time on the road it's the first time we've had to relax." JC tried to sound light but deep down he was concerned for Lance. He had tried to get closer to him during the last tour, telling himself that it was for the sake of the group dynamic, that they all had to be friends. But it evolved into something more than that after a little while, and JC knew that his feelings for Lance were a bit more than mere friendship. He had told himself that the wrestling matches he started with Lance were a game that friends played, he had convinced himself that walking from the bathroom in a towel was normal, and that he would have done the same thing if he were sharing a room with Justin. But the fact was he wanted to know if Lance felt anything toward him, and these were all little tests. Lance had failed miserably, or passed with flying colours, depending on how you saw it. Either way JC was sure he was locked into a one-way love affair. He had tried to make himself believe that Lance was checking him out when he wasn't looking, but the fact that the younger man had been determined to keep the relationship on a "friendly but distant" basis, opting to return home alone rather than spending time in Orlando with JC and the rest of the group, put an end to that hope. "How many sorrows do you try to hide in a world of illusion that's covering your mind" JC had never been in love before, so he wasn't sure if that's what he felt for Lance. He didn't know how love between 2 men should feel, or even if it could exist since he had never even considered that he might be gay until Lance. However, what he did know for sure was that if love made him feel as bad as he had felt for the past week, he wanted nothing to do with it. "It's guilt edged glamorous and sleek by design you know it's jealous by nature false and unkind it's hard and unrestrained and it's totally cool it touched and it teases as you stumble in the debris" "Riiiiiiiiiing" JC was drawn from his thoughts by the telephone ringing outside the bedroom door. Justin jumped off the bed and stepped into the adjoining hallway. JC could hear him talking softly into the telephone, and he continued to flick through the newspaper, assuming that Justin was speaking to Britney and would be away for some time. "Guess who that was" Justin asked, startling JC who was once again immersed in his thoughts and was unaware that Justin had re-entered the room. "I give up" JC replied. "Lance. He said that he was bored of his family and that he can run Freelance from Orlando, so he's flying out tomorrow to spend the rest of the break." Justin answered in disbelief "Is that weird or what?" JC had to admit that it was weird that Lance wanted to spend his free time with them, when he usually kept to himself. But his mood instantly improved, he didn't care why Lance was coming, only that he was going to be near him and his hurt could be forgotten for the time being. JC was suddenly happy and filled with energy. "Lets go roller-blading" He suggested to Justin, who looked at him as though he had grown an extra head. JC's mood swing obviously so drastic that it confused the curly haired boy. JC laughed at his expression, not that he found it very funny, but he was so giddy with elation all of a sudden that he felt like doing something fun. JC was so determined to go that he dragged Justin out the door. # # # # # # # # OK, I know it wasn't a very good chapter, but it was hard to write for some reason. I promise that the next one will be better. Let me know what you think...please....Thanks, Corey.T.