Date: Thu, 23 Aug 2001 06:24:13 +1000 (EST) From: Corey Taylor Subject: the more you ignore me 5 Hey there everybody. I'm fully aware that this chapter is so late that it's ridiculous, but there have been things I've had to do, sorry. Just for the record I'm going to Bali this Friday, so this is the "parting chapter" until I return in 10 days time. I have included 4 people in this chapter that are very close to me, the first 2 are Aaron and Mel, who invited me to Bali, and are sooooo cool it's indescribable. The second 2 characters are 2 guys who have written to me daily asking for the next chapter and I've given them 3 or 4 false alarms, so I hope the fact that they are now in the story is enough of a concession. I hope I have done you guy's justice, having never met either Rob or Dan they were a little bit difficult to write, but Mel and Aaron I love you both and did my best! DISCLAIMER: I don't, as has been suggested in the past, use the members of NSYNC as my personal sex slaves. I do, however, use their bodies to fuel disgusting stories that play out in my head on a regular basis, I also write stuff about them that, to the best of my knowledge, is not strictly true...............OK I made it all up. Happy now? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "Unmade love To love you is to live beyond my means The ghost of our love stalks me nightly In my dreams Dreams of unmade love" Lance woke-up confused. He had slept solidly since he had crashed into bed in the early hours of the morning. Waking up to a throat so dry it felt as if he had been swallowing sand, and his head was spinning. Slowly the memory came back to him, the drinking, the dancing, JC.......JC......He had danced with JC. The terrible feeling in his head was worth the memory of dancing with JC. What freaked him out was the fact that he couldn't remember anything since getting into the cab out the front of the club. He rolled over in his bed, recognising the decor of Justin's guest bedroom. Kicking off the doona he relished the cool air as it struck his legs. That too was odd, he knew that when he left the club he was in no state to stand up without help, let alone being clear thinking and coordinated enough to change out of his clothes and fold them neatly leaving them by the bed. He noticed a tall glass of water on the night stand and made sense of the situation. Justin had been sober when they left the club and must have helped him change. "I'll have to thank him for that later" Lance croaked, before greedily swallowing the water in the glass. After fighting off dizziness long enough to make it to the shower Lance leaned against the tiles, the warm water cascading over his toned body until he felt well enough to face the rest of the group. After gingerly dressing himself, forgoing socks because bending over made him queasy, he headed off to the kitchen. Rather than finding the rest of the group there, ready to laugh at him for getting so drunk, he found the kitchen empty, just a note on the counter from Justin saying that JC had gone back to his parents house in Maryland and that Justin was busy for the day. Lance was really confused, JC had mentioned nothing about returning to Bowie. He took a bottle of water from the fridge and hoisted himself onto the counter nearest the phone, quickly dialling Justin's mobile number. "Lansten, you're awake." Justin laughed "Yeah J, barely" Lance replied "what's going on?" "You tell me" Justin replied suggestively "What do you mean?" Lance asked, confused "Well I went to bed when we all got in last night, I was gonna help you both into bed but JC said you'd be OK, and then when I woke up this morning there was a note by the phone that said he was going back to his parents place to do some thinking." "About what?" "You'd have more idea than I would, you saw him last." "He told me nothing.....at least nothing I can remember." Lance mused "Yeah, but you couldn't remember your own name last night, so that's not much to go on with." Justin laughed. "Uh, yeah, sorry about that." Lance apologised "I'm not sure what's happened to JC, but I'm sure he'll let us know soon enough." Lance said, attempting to sound as if he didn't really care if JC took off, but inside he was distraught. "Nothing to apologise for, Scoop, and you know JC, he's probably just lost now that we aren't on tour, he gets a bit crazy when he's got nothing to do" Justin replied, knowing that JC had left for a better reason than that, but not sure exactly what that reasoning was. "What time will you be home?" Lance asked. "Not until late, I've got a few things to catch up on, can you keep yourself occupied until I get home?" "I'm sure I'll manage." Lance laughed, before hanging up. The more Lance though about the situation, the more confused he became. JC had been giving him signals the previous night at the club. Lance had been drinking, but he didn't think he'd had enough to misconstrue the signs. JC had been just as obviously flirting with him, and was just as happy to dance together in full view of everyone. Now he'd gone home to do some thinking. Lance wondered if that thinking may involve him. "Of course it will, moron, what else will he be going home to think about in such a hurry, without telling anyone?" Suddenly Lance had a thought. "Did I say or do something last night while JC was getting me ready for bed?" Suddenly Lance was scared. "What if I told him something I shouldn't have and now he hates me and doesn't want to be around me?" The thought made Lance want to cry. He wanted to ring JC to make sure everything was OK, but was too scared of the rejection if it wasn't. He really wished Justin was home, he really needed someone to talk to. "Even if Justin was home, you couldn't tell him about this, he'd flip out." Lance warned himself. He decided that the only person he could talk to was his sister, but when he rang her there was no answer. He decided to check his messages to see if JC had left any explanation for him, but the only message was from his mother, he dialled her number to check if she wanted anything in particular and she answered on the 2nd ring. "Hello" "Mum" "James, how are you darling?" "I'm fine Mum." He congratulated himself for a convincing lie. "How's Florida?" "Oh, it's great." He made small talk with Diane until he could safely end the conversation without offending her. He was just about to hang up when his mother called out. "Oh, wait James, I just remembered, I called you to tell you that you got visitors here last night." "Someone came to your place looking for me? Who?" "Yes, your two friends that helped you set up the company." "Really?" Lance replied brightly, his problems temporarily forgotten. The 2 people his mother spoke about were Aaron and Mel, they had been business consultants hired by his lawyer to help set-up Freelance. They had done all the planning and organisational work for him, but more importantly, they had become his best friends outside NSYNC. They had been working in the US temporarily and had returned to their home in Australia shortly after. But Lance had kept in touch via email and phone ever since. Diane told him that they were now in the US vacationing and had arrived at her place looking for him because it was the last address they know of for him. She gave him the number where he could contact them. He jotted down the details and, after hanging up from his mother, hurriedly dialled the number, excited at the prospect of seeing them again. "Hello" Aaron's voice was strong and exuded confidence, which was often mistaken for arrogance, he was the type of businessman Lance wished he could be. "Aaron" "Lance?" When he spoke Lance's name, it came out strangely, mainly due to the mixture of Australian and English accent's that Aaron had acquired, having moved from the UK as a child. "How are you?" "All the better for hearing form you." "I'm blushing." "Mum said you were at her place yesterday, where are you staying?" "Well Diane told us that you were staying with Justin in Orlando, so we came down to Dad's place in Tampa." Aaron's father was a wealthy man, and as far as Lance knew he didn't actually work. He owned a string of businesses which included the small, but profitable winery he spoke of now. "Do you mind if I come up there and see you?" "Mind? If you don't come up here Mel will kick your ass." Aaron laughed. "you sound stressed Lance, what's the matter?" Lance was amazed, his own mother had been unable to detect the tension in his voice over the phone, but Aaron, who hadn't seen him in nearly a year, had picked it up immediately. Both Mel and Aaron had an uncanny knack of reading people, which Lance had found unnerving at first, but grew comfortable with later on. The fact that it took only a short conversation for him to pick it up was bordering on paranormal, and Lance thought about lying, but decided he couldn't lie to one of his best friends. "Long story." He explained. "Well the sooner you get here, the sooner you can tell us what's bothering you." They were both into alternative therapies and had often warned Lance about the dangers of stress on his body, Lance found it amusing that 2 people who worked in such a stressful environment were so relaxed and in control. They had even gone to the extent of flying in a feng shui master from Australia when they set up temporary base in the US, to balance their offices. "I'll be there late in the afternoon." Lance agreed, I've got a couple of things to do, then I'll head out there." "See you then." After Lance hung up, he realised that he had just been coerced into offering a full confession when he saw them. He laughed at the ability Aaron had to manipulate anybody into doing or saying whatever he wanted, without them even knowing he was doing it. He felt considerably better than he had when he had finished speaking to Justin, so he called the younger man back and explained what he was doing. He once again thought about calling JC but again decided against it. He packed up his stuff, got lunch from a local fast food place and headed toward Tampa. Arriving at the top of a gravel driveway, which weaved it's way through rows of young vines, held vertical with wooden stakes and wire, Lance was confronted with a large sandstone manor home which sprawled across the top of a wide hill. He laughed as he stepped from the BMW thinking how well the car melded into it's surroundings. He rang the bell and as the door opened Lance's face broke into a wide smile as he noticed Melanie standing there. Mel was, among other qualifications, a business lawyer and Lance had never met a more headstrong, dynamic businesswoman. But when she wasn't working her appearance and demeanour did little to belie her occupation. She was shorter than Lance at only 5'6", thin with a warm, exuberant character. Despite the personal wealth the pair had amassed in their short careers, neither was given to displays of ostentation, Mel stood at the door wearing no jewellery and dressed in a simple T-shirt and jeans, still managing to look incredible. "Lance." She cried, pulling the taller man into the house and hugging him. "How are you Mellie?" "I'm good, Matey, how are you?" She asked enthusiastically. "I'm good." "Liar." She laughed "No, I AM good, just a bit confused at the moment. Seeing you has certainly helped." "Sycophant." She laughed again. "Come on in." She told him in a soothing tone. She took his hand and led him along a lengthy, slate-floored hallway, stopping as she passed a large living area. The decor was incredible, rich brocades, lustrous ceramics and glittering crystals adorned the room. Sitting among the extravagance and managing to blend in, despite shunning the beautiful furniture in favour of a beanbag chair, was Aaron. He had a fiction novel in one hand and a glass of red wine in the other. The remainder of the wine sat in the bottle beside the beanbag. "Aaron, Lance is here." Mel said softly. Aaron looked up and removed his reading glasses, placing the glass and the book on the carpet he stood up and wandered over to Lance. "How are you Lance?" He asked, his original English accent coming to the fore. "Good, I'm good." Lance repeated. "Sure you are." He snickered, holding out his hand for Lance to shake, Lance favouring a hug instead, which Aaron returned enthusiastically. They made their way out to the large kitchen, where Melanie took 3 glasses out of the cupboard and opened a new bottle of wine. "Not for me thanks." Lance said as she finished filling the second glass and motioned toward the third. "You don't drink wine?" Mel enquired. "Not red." "Heretic" Aaron replied, smiling and reaching for a bottle of white wine from the fridge. "So tell us what's been on your mind." Mel said "I didn't come here to dump my problems on you." "You came here to be with friends." Aaron replied, standing before him in a beautifully cut black sport coat and jeans with bare feet, his slight build, at only 5'8" made him look less than his 23 years. "And friends help each other with problems." Lance's business associates had complained of an aloof quality that Aaron had displayed when making deals on Lance's behalf, he would stare at people, move his head to the side and wait for the other party to say something. People who spoke to him seemed to come away puzzled, as though they had no idea what was going on in the young man's head. However, when he spoke to Lance, he was engaging, direct and spoke with sincerity. "Well I've got a bit of a confession to make first." Lance admitted, sipping his wine, feeling a lot more comfortable than he had expected to, considering what he was about to reveal. "Go on then." Mel encouraged. "Well you guys are the first to officially know, and you might get pissed at me for keeping you in the dark, and I understand if you do." "Lance!" Aaron urged. "Well I'm............Um.........I'm gay." Lance admitted, staring at the floor. "And?" Aaron asked, as though Lance had just told him he was human "So what?" "Aaron, this is obviously a big deal for him." Mel chastised. "Well Lance, if you expect me to say 'thank-you for trusting me enough to tell me' or something cliched, then you're mistaken. To treat that kind of revelation as a secret that is only told to privileged people is just like admitting that there is something wrong with being gay that should be kept secret. I couldn't care if you're straight, bi, gay or otherwise, you're my friend and I don't base friendship on things as arbitrary as sexual preference, and I'm sure Melanie feels the same." "Yup." Mel added. Lance was floored. He had expected coming-out to be difficult, but the first people he had told took it well. He was beginning to tear-up and when he finally raised his head to look at his friends his vision was blurred. "Sweetie." Mel said, pulling the crying man into a hug. "You guys are so great." Lance cried. "We're not that good." Aaron laughed. "Yeah, you should be here when he wakes up in the morning." Mel added, trying to lighten the mood. After Lance had calmed down enough to start talking to them again, Aaron gave him his trademark stare and head movement, and Lance couldn't help but smile. "Now I know how those people all felt in meetings with you." Lance smiled. "What?" Aaron asked, and Lance mimicked his actions and stared at him. "It worked every time though." Aaron said, laughing "They were all holding something back from me and I got them to admit it every time, I obviously don't have the same effect on you because you're still hiding something." "It would be easier if you just told him." Mel warned "Otherwise you will get sick of him asking and hinting and staring at you." "Oh, I don't know if I mind him staring at me." Lance said seductively, making Mel laugh and Aaron blush. "I'll remember that moment, Hudge." Melanie said to Aaron, using her pet name for him "The only time I've ever seen you at a loss for words." She winked conspiratorially at Lance, who smiled back at her. "Well you probably know what's coming after what I just told you." Lance hinted "I mean apart from the fact that my Mum is going to go ballistic when she finds out and if it ever leaks to the public that's the end of NSYNC. But I have a bigger problem too." "I don't know how I didn't notice it before." Melanie laughed "Your penchant for melodrama, combined with the fact that you dance and sing in a boy band and you have killer dress sense. You are soooooo gay." Lance looked hurt temporarily, until he realised she was only ribbing him, then he laughed, continuing his explanation. "Well I've fallen for someone." He continued. "And I'm assuming from your agitation that he doesn't know and you wanna tell him." Mel asked. "Well, yeah." "Hold on, there has to be a reason you can't tell him." Aaron deduced "It's someone from the band isn't it?" "That's too weird." Lance replied "You've really gotta tone down the psychic bit." "Oooooh, don't tell me, let me guess." Mel said, excitedly. "It wouldn't be Joey, and Chris is too old for you, so it must be one of the other two." "JC." Aaron guessed. "Freak." Lance replied "How did you guess that?" "I might not be gay but I know a good man from a bad one!" Came Aaron's cryptic response. "He's cute." Mel stated deviously. "I know." Lance responded, giggling. "So what are you gonna do?" Mel asked. "I honestly don't know." Lance said, before explaining to them the details of the previous evening and the various events that had occurred on tour. MEANWHILE BACK IN MARYLAND: JC was scared. For the first time in a long time he wasn't sure what to do. Usually he just did what his feelings told him to, but in this situation his feelings were mixed. He was in love with Lance, he was sure of that fact, surer than anything else. He was so overjoyed at the thought of a relationship with the young blonde that his heart skipped a beat just thinking about him. His problem, however, was that for 25 years he had been the apple of his parent's eye, he had always made them proud and he knew that one-day they expected him to settle down and start a family. He certainly didn't think they'd be fine with the idea of him starting a relationship with Lance. The other problem was that Lance may not even feel the same way and his admissions would all be in vain. He had thought about it during the tour and for the last few weeks since they had been on vacation and he had decided that he was willing to make the sacrifices to be with Lance. But then when they had returned from the club the previous evening and he had helped Lance into bed, the thought had struck him that if Lance didn't feel the same way then there was no way to retract an admission of undying love, and he might be ruining his relationship with his family and friends for no gain. The thought had scared him so badly that he had to get away from Lance long enough to begin thinking clearly. The trouble was that just being away from Lance was making him miserable, and he knew that if he took the plunge and admitted to Lance that he was in love and Lance rejected him, he would be devastated and his life was going to be miserable anyway. He, like Lance, had decided that he needed to talk to someone about it. He couldn't talk to his family for fear of rejection, and anybody related to NSYNC wouldn't be able to give him unbiased advice. He had decided that he needed to speak to someone who was so far removed from the situation that their advice would be neutral. He settled on 2 guys his brother, Tyler, had introduced him to. They had been studying at the university where Tyler attended, on exchange from Glasgow, Scotland. He had chosen Rob and Dan for a few reasons. He had become friends with them as soon as he was introduced to them, they were both friendly and kind and JC felt comfortable that they wouldn't tell anybody about his predicament. Secondly they hadn't even known who NSYNC were until Tyler had explained it to them, so they were unbiased enough to be impartial. And the third, and possibly the most patronising reason, was that they were the only gay couple JC knew. He understood that being gay didn't automatically mean they would know what to do, but being around people that made him feel comfortable was important to him. He had landed in Maryland and decided that returning to his parents home would make them suspicious, so he had taken a cab directly to the apartment that Rob and Dan shared about 5 minutes from the university campus. He knocked on the door before realising that they didn't know he was arriving, and may have been unwilling to help him even if they weren't busy. It was too late, he heard the door opening and Dan peeked around the door. "Jayce." Dan exclaimed in his thick Scottish accent, before closing the door and sliding the safety chain off it, then swinging the door wide and allowing the pop star to enter. JC was relieved that he hadn't given him a strange look or asked why he was there out of the blue. "Rob, JC is here." Dan called into the small apartment, and a few seconds later Rob appeared, and stuck out his hand for JC to shake. "Long time no see." Rob commented. "Yeah, we've been really busy." JC replied. "How are you?" "Not bad." "But not good?" Dan questioned. "Well I've actually come to ask your advice on something. I hate to turn up unannounced and then ask you a favour, but I'm in a bit of a bind and I thought you might be able to help." "Don't be silly, we're glad to help, if we can." Rob replied, motioning toward a large yellow leather couch, which would have looked out of place anywhere else, but fit perfectly into the decor of the small apartment. JC sat down and Dan brought him a coffee, then sat on the arm of the lounge chair that Rob had occupied opposite JC. "So what can we help you with?" Dan asked. "Well, Um......it's a bit of a delicate situation actually." JC started nervously, before gaining courage. "I've come to the realisation over the past couple of months...............well I suppose it's something I've always known but I've only really admitted it recently, Um............I'm gay." "Well dur!" Rob replied, and Dan gave a small snicker before hitting his partner in the chest in admonishment. "What's that supposed to mean?" JC asked, confused. "It's supposed to mean that we already knew." Rob continued. "How.........I mean I didn't even know." JC stuttered. "You knew, you just hid it well from yourself." Dan said "I'm afraid that we recognise one of our own, that 'gaydar' everyone talks about actually exists, and we knew before you were willing to admit it to yourself." "Really?" JC asked incredulously. "I wish you'd told me, I might have been better prepared." He laughed. "So what's the problem?" Dan asked. "You've decided that you're ready to come out and want to know is it gonna be difficult?" "Well not exactly." "You've met someone!" Rob said enthusiastically. JC just smiled, admitting everything without saying a word. "Well don't hold out on us, who is it?" "One of the guys." JC admitted. "Well that's narrowed it down some, is it the cute one with the shaved head?" Dan asked. "Justin? No way!" JC replied, screwing up his face. "That'd be grotty, he's like my brother, it's Lance." "The other blonde one, ooh champagne taste." Rob laughed. "Yeah, so you think you're the expert, what does your gaydar say about him?" JC laughed. "Hard to tell, I haven't even spoken to him." Rob said. JC explained to them both what had happened the previous night at the club and how he had freaked out and run away. As he finished the last of coffee Rob looked at him and appeared to be studying him. Finally he opened his mouth, but before he had a chance to speak Dan jumped in. "Whatever he's about to say isn't going to be good, I can tell by the look in his eye." "I'm hurt." Rob replied. "I was just going to ask if JC thought that putting thousands of miles between himself and the man he wants was a good way to start a relationship." He laughed "Most people would try to get closer, not further away." "Don't listen to him, he was born with an overactive sarcasm gland." Dan replied. "If you ask me it's worth telling Lance how you feel. I think that the way you describe the scene at the club was definitely him flirting with you. Even if he doesn't want a relationship he'll keep it to himself because he's your friend. As for telling your parents and friends, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I mean if no relationship develops then there's nothing they need to know, and even if something happens and you and Lance decide to be together there is no reason you have to tell everybody straight away, or at all for that matter." "Yeah, it's your decision, if you want a personal relationship it's up to you." Rob added, getting serious. "I mean if you're on the road all the time it's not going to be impossible for you to find time alone because you work together, so your family don't need to know until you're sure it's going to be a long term thing, there's no point upsetting the apple-cart without a good reason." "I knew if I asked somebody who wasn't involved in the entire situation I'd get some good advice." JC stated. "Are you saying my advice helped?" Rob asked in mock surprise. "Nah, yours was useless, but Dan helped." JC replied, then ducked as a cushion flew toward him. Suddenly JC's mobile phone rang. He took it from his pocket and answered. "Hello?" "JC?" It was Lance's voice. "Lance, I was just going to call you." "Why, what's the matter?" "No, nothing is the matter, I just need to talk to you that's all, I'll be back at Justin's place later tonight, can we talk then?" "Well I need to speak to you as well, but I'm not at Justin's. I'm in Tampa." He explained where he was and who he was visiting, then invited JC to come to Tampa and talk there. His idea was that it would raise less suspicion with the rest of the group if they thought JC was still in Bowie, and it provided a kind of 'common ground'. Mel and Aaron had agreed to make themselves scarce, so Lance arranged to pick JC up from the airport that night. After he hung up JC looked at the 2 men in front of him and took a deep breath. "Looks like it's now or never." He told them. "Well good-luck guy, give us a ring when it's all over and let us know how it went." Dan encouraged. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> OK people, there it was. I hope you can all make do with this chapter until I get back from Bali. If you can't then I'm afraid that's your problem because I'll be sitting on the beach drinking mai tai's and spying on the cute tourists. Thanks again to everyone who wrote to me, keep the email coming because I will reply as soon as I get back. Love Corey.T.