Date: Wed, 22 May 2002 12:40:42 +0000
From: G Boy <nickysboy@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Shoot Part Nine

The Shoot - Part Nine
by Gboy

DISCLAIMER -  I don't know Nick Carter or any of the BSB's or any other
celebrity mentioned in this story.
If you are under 18 or are offended by the thought of two men engaged in
sexual activities then a) why are you here? and b) please dont read.

The Emails are really fun to read so keep tapping at those keys!

PART NINE - A Tale Of Two Cities - 1

I had woken that day expecting to nuzzle into the soft warm back of my
lover, instead I fell off the sofa in AJ lounge area of the hotel room. I
rubbed my knee that I had cracked on the floor as I fell.
Laying on the floor I thought back over the past week. I had met and fell in
love with Nick. Granted I was on a slight rebound trip but whatever it was
had turned into genuine love and tenderness that had came crashing down
around my ears the previous
night. Nick had found me kissing Hayden Christensen at the celebrity charity
showing of Episode II : Attack of The Clones.

At least one good thing had come out of this whole fiasco, AJ was at least
now back on talking terms with Nick...... just thinking about him was enough
to bring a tear to my eye. I had tried to push Hayden away. I had. That
wasn't what Nick had seen.
Holy crap, I was tired. I just wanted to be in my own bed next to Nick.
Snuggling like we had the previous morning. But I had to get up. The flight
to Paris was soon. I was intending to go back to London after checking into
the hotel in Paris. But as that room was
to be with Nick, I had decided to travel straight to England.

I needed to have a cigarette........ and to talk. I grabbed my jacket that
had my plane tickets in it and walked out of the room.

I knocked on the door and waited for it to be opened. Jem always had the
worst bed head the world had ever seen.

"Hey." I smiled weakly

"Morning." She yawned "You look like shit."

"Thanks." I loved the dead pan-ness of her. She was like a beacon in the
dark time. Even if it had meant that her time with Hayden was cut short.
"You still talking to me?"

"I don't know," She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. "My lips are
moving and your not dead yet so I think your ok..... for now."

She let me into the room and I sat on her sofa. I seemed to be moving from
one couch to another! She said she would get changed and we could go for a
walk before the plane. I started poking around the small room. On her bed
lay a picture of us. At the wrap party
for my last movie, only three weeks ago but already seeming like a life
time. We were in each others arm, air kissing. I noticed something over the
top of my image. I angled the photo to the light and it showed up the
outline of a pair of lips.
When Jem had pounced on me in the toilets she had passed it off as a joke,
but could she really have feelings for me? What the hell was going on. Was
there something in the water? Was I just imagining things... how could this
many people want to be with me? My head
started spinning. I needed grounding, I needed to go home, recharge.

We walked out of the hotel lobby and started walking down the street. We had
no idea where we were going but we knew we had to be at Miami Airport in an
hour and a half. Our bags had already been taken to the airport. Before I
had met Jem I had thanked AJ for his hospitality
and listening skills over the past couple of days. Then I had seen the other
boys and explained what had happened and that I was going straight back to
London before joining them to finish the video in Paris.

"We'll talk to Nick for you." Howie had said

"I don't think it will work." I had replied sadly "I fucked up..... I should
never have let myself get into that position."

"From what you said, there was no way you could have." Kevin spoke with a
slight edge of suspicion in his voice. Great, that was all I needed, the
rest of them starting to doubt me. If Nick hating me wasn't bad enough.

"How many times do I have to explain this??!!!" I said, pleading to be
believed.

"I just meant....."

"Forget it." I waved my hand "How is Nick?"

The boys looked at each other exchanging worried glances.

"What?" I was worried now

"He left this morning." Brian said

"Where did he go?"

"Paris." Brian continued "He needs time to think." I told the guys that I
also needed time and would meet them in Paris.

I inhaled deeply on the fag as I looked out at the sea. I thought back to
that first kiss Nick and I had shared, then the first time we had made love.
It all seemed to revolve around the beach and the sea, the one place we both
felt safe, secure and at home....... HAD felt at home.
The water had lost all relevence to me now. I didn't care if I never saw it
again. Which was a bit stupid as my flat in London was right on the Thames.

"Give him time," Jem's voice, for once devoid of sarcasm, broke through my
thoughts

"I need him," I almost wispered as I turned to her, "I love him SO much."
The tears fell freely down my cheek. She wrapped her arms around my neck and
pulled me into her.

"You've always got me." Her lips were right next to my ear. "I know that I
told you I was joking the other night when I said I loved you....." I looked
up at her waiting for what she would say next. I already knew but I had to
make sure, "I lied. Carl I know you could never return my feelings
but I have always and will forever love you."
I sat up. It actually made me feel better. I knew I would be hurting her not
loving her the way she did me but I would always love her on a level higher
that mear sex or passion. She was as much my soul mate as Nick was. I had
enough love for the both of them.

I moved my head and kissed her. It was tender but there was no spark. I
wanted to convey to her the depth of my love for her. I couldn't transfere
my thoughts to language so that was the only way I could express myself.
I pulled away from her, her eyes remained closed savouring the moment. She
finally opened her eyes and fixed me with a penetrating stare.

"Anything?" She asked hopefully

I smiled and shook my head; "Sorry babe," I chuckled "You just don't float
my boat!"

She sighed and laid down on the warm sand. A million and one things were
racing thorough my head - Nick, Jem, the guys, the shoot, the baby..... I'd
almost forgoten Jems hairbrained scheme to have a baby with me. It needed to
be faced head on. I wouldn't.... couldn't have a child with her.

"Jem, about this baby thing....." I started before she interupted me..... as
usual.

"Forget it." She smiled at me "It was my hormones. Y'know.... girl things!"

"But you seemed so determined,"

"The time isn't right" She looked up to the white clouds that scudded across
the sky, "The guy wasn't right,"

"Thanks!" I laughed

"Sorry! Right guy, wrong situation." She smiled

"That's better!" I took a deep breath and savoured the salt smell that hung
in the air. In a way I was dissapointed, I think I had convinced myself that
I could be a dad, but as Jem said the time wasn't right.
"Jem, promise me no matter what else we'll always be friends."

"Forever and a day." She said as she laid on my chest. "So, what's gonna
happen with you and Nick?"

"I honestly don't know. There's a part of me that wants to take the next
flight to Paris and make him see what we meant to each other....."

"But the other part?" Jem prompted

"Wants to give it a couple of days to calm down and reflect."

"Definatly the better option." She said.

"Yeah." I said fighting down the part of me that was already flying to Paris
and taking Nick in my arms once again.

We laid for half an hour before pulling ourselves away to the airport.

The cab we jumped into dropped us at the airport 20mins before our departure
gate closed so we had to run thorugh the terminal.

"Carl!" I heard a voice behind me.

I turned and saw Hayden standing there.; "What are you doing here? How did
you find me?" I put an arm out to stop Jem jumping on him and ripping him a
new one.

"I had to see you again. I asked someone at your hotel." He sounded so
pathetic.

"Hayden look,"

"I know what your going to say but I can't help the way I feel." His puppy
dog eyes scanned me before locking me into a gaze. "I also came to
apologise. To both of you. I'd had a bit too much to drink."

"Fine," I said feeling sorry now instead of angry. He was young and
impetuous. I had been and hoped still was.

"Is Nick around. I wanna say sorry to him as well."

I dropped my gaze to the floor; "They've broken up because of you!" Jem
shouted making people all over the airport look our way.

"Jem!" I warned

"God, I'm sorry." Hayden hung his head.

"Don't be. I shouldn't have let myself get into that situation." I know I
hadn't started it but I couldn't dump my emotional shit on him. I was too
kind hearted. I'd have to dump it on Jem. But not yet.

"Look I am REALLY sorry." Hayden said before making his goodbyes. He turned
on his heel and swept out of the airport. In another time, another place,
maybe there could have been something with us. But that hadn't happened and
that part of this trip was over..... closed. Now all I had to do was
convince Nick.

Jem and I ran to the check in desk with only minutes to spare.

"Good timing, Sir. We were just about to close the gate."

I was too out of breath to reply so I waved my hands vaugely at her.

"I hate flying." I said as I regained my ability to create sarcasm.

********

PARIS - 3pm

Nick stood at the window of the Parisian hotel that faced the magnificent
structure that was the Eiffle Tower. He looked at all the people milling
around, not a care in the world, not a clue that one of the most
recognisable young men in the world was wrestling with the most difficult
demons he'd
ever had. He had seen Carl with Hayden........ he hadn't given Carl the
chance to explain. He had ran. Had he overreacted? Had he taken the
situation too much at face value? He didn't know but if your in a
relationship you don't go round sucking face with every guy you see.......
do you? Nick had'nt
had much experience of relationships.
He had tried with AJ but that wasn't to be. At first he had blamed AJ but
now in retrospect he had put way too much pressure on the situation. He had
been young and he felt that was what you had to do. You had to be with each
other 24/7. But with working together
as well as being together it had become strained. Things looked bleak at one
point, the pressure was getting to both of them, coupled with the fact that
AJ wasn't as interested in the relationship as Nick was, fights had started
threatening the very future of the Backsteet Boys.

Then Carl had come along. Nick pictured his tired face that night they had
met. He had insisted that the new video was directed by him. Nick had seen
Carl's first film 'Beyond Reason' and had loved every second of it.
He showed it to the guys who had all agreed that this guy has talent. Nick
had no idea things would turn out like this.

There was a knock at the door.

"Qui est lui?" Nick called

"Service d'étage, M Carter." Room service, god he was hungry. He had called
them as soon as he had arrived less than an hour ago. He was glad of this
down time. Alone with his thoughts, no execs, no guys...... no Carl. The
thought made him feel funny. Like a part of him was missing. He would let
the whole thing settle down, but he knew he had to talk to Carl.

"Merci," Nick said in his flaw less french as he opened the door

"Je rassemblerai le plateau plus tard" The bell boy told him.

"J'apprécie vraiment cela, merci encore" he said slipping the kid a 50 euro
note. The kids face lit up when he saw the note. 50 euros is more that $45
but Nick didn't care. After all it was only money. He'd give all the cash he
had to be able to turn the clock back and never to have gone into that
toilet. But
hey, he couldn't so the cash may as well make someone happy.

"Merci, M Carter. Est là toute autre chose que je peux faire pour vous ?"
The bell boy would be Nicks personal bodyguard if he wanted!

"Pas à l'heure actuelle. Au revoir." Nick held the door open for the bell
boy to leave.

"Au revoir." The boy dissapeared down the corridor.

Nick closed the door. He walked through the lounge area of the suite and
into the bedroom. He pulled the old beaten cap off the bed and placed it on
his head. He needed some air to clear his head.

As he walked along the Champs Elleyse he looked up into the sky then down at
his watch. Carl would be in the air now. Almost half way to England.

He looked up at the sky again.

********

MID ATLANTIC - The same time

I looked out of the window and imagined Nick in Paris. The part of me that
wanted to be near him was begining to win the battle inside me. I knew that
we needed to be apart, if only for a short time but it was getting
excrusiating. An almost physical pain was building inside me. If I still
felt like that when we landed
then I would jump on the first availble Eurostar and be in Paris before
dark.

God, why was nothing easy?! I needed to see him, needed to feel him. His
finger on my cheek, his hand across my back. His lips on mine. Our tounges
intertwined, the heat radiating from our bodies. The smell of sexual contact
floating about us. I remember all these things and needed them again. They
were like a
drug to me.

Fuck. Things had to be put right. I shook Jem and told her all of this.

"Carl, calm down." She pushed a strand of hair out of my eyes. "You need at
least one day. One day to get back to you. Who you are. If after that one
day you still need him then go to him. You have to see him anyway, to finish
the video. Shooting starts Monday. Give it till then. For your own sake."

She was right, I had this conversation a million times in my own head. I
would see him Monday and we'd decided if there was still an 'us'.
_______________________________________________________________________

Part Ten should be here soon if not sooner

I had a few emails telling me I was wrong to cast Hayden as the enemy, so I
gave him retribution. OK? Happy now?! Oh, and go and see Episode Two - I did
and it has to be one of the best films this year. Not the greatest film ever
made but not like Phantom Menace either!!!

keep writing I will always write back - (If I can!!!)


Caio
gboy

nickysboy@hotmail.com