Date: Tue, 10 Jul 2001 16:25:30 EDT
From: IPhoenixPumaI@aol.com
Subject: these reminders of you 3

These Reminders of You
Chapter: 3
By: Jon


This is a new story for me... and a new subject. I must be asking for
torture... but whose, yours or mine? LOL... I have to laugh... I can barely
update the 2 i have, i am a greedy SOB aren't I? This is a story between
Lance. and the other part is only known to me, mwahahahaha. Sorry, but
that's my secret right now. If you are under 18, and get caught reading
this. its official I told you not to. If your in a state, country, village,
etc where this stuff is illegal. sorry your there, glad I'm not. If there
is some reason you shouldn't be here. then you shouldn't have read this
anyhow. you did. your going to continue anyhow, so mail me bout it K?  Also
I in no way claim to know ANYTHING about the people mentions (OK I know one
of them. Troy, but whatever is said here is most likely true to him, and
well. he deserves what he gets cause of it). Please send mail to
PhoenixPuma@aol.com, or zelgadyss@hotmail.com


Part 3: OK, I've had one person tell me to continue. so hell, why
not. LOL. This is the end of where my life experience is(the end of this
chapter anyhow), and the story takes a life of it's own. I never dated
Troy, but the rest is all as it happened. and without Further Ado.


	Lance sat in his room. The guys had eventually cleared out after a
round of hugs, and wishes of a good night's sleep. Sleep was the last thing
Lance could think of. The phone held an eerie glow to it. It was the
deliverer of the worst news he had in a long time. He wanted to get out of
his room, but he was the only one with a room to himself, so there really
was no one he could bunk with. And he couldn't rightly ask someone to give
up their bed for him so he wouldn't alone either. "This is just silly. it
can't hurt me."  Lance whispered to himself. He surprised himself, he
thought it was just that. a thought.  Lance almost smiled.
	He started turning pages in his album. Starting back in the first
time they met. He still had the print out of the IM. He just read over and
smiled at the thought and concerns Troy had for him that day. It was a week
before his 18th Birthday, and Lance had just been hurt by another guy, in
such a bad way. Troy seemed so kind, and wanted so much to help him. Lance
was retreating within himself, pulling away from the world from the hurt,
and Troy just wouldn't let him. Troy invited Lace to the mall that day. He
and a friend were going to do some shopping, and as luck would have it, it
was a mall 10 minutes from where he lived. How cool was that. He needed a
friend. He had no other real friends he could really speak of. Most of his
life was spent alone and lonely. Locked in a room, leaving only when it was
necessary. Even then, sometimes he would rather sleep than be alive. When
he was asleep it didn't hurt. nothing hurt. Sleep was salvation, sleep was
rescue, sleep was sanity. A protective blanket he could call like most
people whisper. `He really was sweet that day'.
	The day was spent going into various stores, shopping for clothes,
and shopping for all sorts of things. Spencer Gifts held them for a bit
longer than it should have. But they all had to start picking EVERYTHING up
and looking at it. From the postcards with airbrushed men on it, to the
cards with the funny sayings. To the downright dirty cards.  Those were the
fun ones tho. The little packages with the funny pictures, to pasta boobs
and penises. Who could resist a store like that. They were only pulled away
from that store, to go into Hot Topic. basically the same thing. It was all
too funny. Next was a dress shop. Lance was a bit confused as to why they
were there. OK Lance was VERY confused as to why they were there. Troy was
looking at a bunch of clearance dresses.  The store was closing soon, and
was trying to liquidate their stocks. So he was checking out some dresses
on him in the mirror. He commented that they would look very good on his
mom, and they were about the same size. Lance just shrugged it off, and
went on with watching him look at all the racks.
	Lance was half smiling "That day was a trip." Then he
sighed. Turning the page, he saw a bracelet from the club. `ahhhh another
good day'. It was Thursday, Lance's 18th Birthday. He was going to the
local gay club with a few friends. Troy was working, so he pushed for Lance
to go. It was 9:00 and the club was dead. no dead people moved more. Lance
stepped in, and started talking to Troy, and then started to look around
the club. Going past the bar, and tables, past the dance floor, past the
second set of tables, to the second room. It was closed off by heavy
curtains. There were two ways to get in there, both ways covered. Once
inside, revealed a plush chair to relax in, and two large couches. Later to
be seen, this was more or less a make-out room of sorts. Then it was back
out of the side room to look into the bathrooms, and DJ booth and Dance
Floor. The club itself was small. but the energy, the people, and most off
the workers gave off a positive energy. It was small enough to feel
home-like, yet big enough to encompass a good sized crowd.
	Lance went back over to see Troy. He wanted to see what was going
on, and when the people usually got there. Basically Lance was kind of
bored, the music was a bit dull at this point of the night, before the DJ
gets there at 10:00. There were a few old guys, (one of which Lance kept
avoiding like the plague. He was nice and started a conversation with the
man when the man said hello, But the guy wanted more and more personal
information, and didn't take a hint, about a subtle as being smashed in the
face with a brick was subtle. in fact Lance had to leave the club to get
rid of the man, and go back to his car for a bit.) Troy had filled Lance in
on the club, and what the `norm' was. It usually picked up at about 11:00,
and was packed till 1:30-2:00 when people had to leave.  Then he told Lance
about a few of the regulars who were already there, and were showing up,
and asked Lance to get him a soda.
	Upon his return Lance took a seat next to Troy, who was dancing in
place to the music. It was 10:00 and the DJ was just starting to put on the
decent music. "Hey Troy, whatcha up to?" Troy smiled, being brought out of
his own little world "Namuch. The manager wants to see you for a minute
tho. He's the guy at the end of the bar serving drinks, long dark black
hair. Blue eyes." Lance gave Troy a look, to try and figure out what he was
walking into "I didn't do anything wrong did I? I know I was a bit rude to
that guy, but he wouldn't leave me alone, and he's like 70 I think he
said." With that Lance shuddered knowing just what that guy wanted. Troy
blinked "You mean that Greek guy?" And troy pointed to the guy. Lance
nodded. "I'll take care of that for ya, he won't bother you anymore." Troy
smiled afterwards, and Lance felt like he was about to melt.  Lance slowly
walked to the bar, after pumping Troy for information turned up empty. He
was wondering what he could have possibly have done to get the manger mad
at him. As he approached the man, he was smiled at by the guy behind the
bar. Lance reached across the bar to grab the mans extended hand. "Nice to
meet you my name is Lance." As they shook. "Hi, I'm Rob, the manager."
Lance nodded when he said that. He had a look on his face that was half way
between terror and `please get on with it, and tell me what's going on,
instead of wasting time here'. Rob just looked at Lance for a minute. "Well
here's the deal we need a bouncer." Lance nodded politely. "Are you looking
for a job?" Lance again nodded politely. "Well what do you think?" Lance
responded "When would you like me to start, and what is dress code?" "Well,
dress code is simple, dark shirt. preferably black, no logo's, or very
small ones. And you can start Tomorrow night. How's that sound?"  Lance
nodded "What time?" "8:00 so I can show you how to open the register and
how to get the place ready for the doors to be opened." Lance nodded, and
then grabbed himself a soda, Troy a soda, and bid his farewell to Rob. As
Lance approached Troy, Lance had a funny grin on his face, and Troy had a
devious little smile on his own face.
	That next night, Lance was at the front door at 15 minutes till
8:00. He wanted to make a good impression. There was a small lady, in a
black dress. She looked Japanese in decent, and had long dark flowing
hair. Her face lit up, and her eyes sparkled with the light of the
moon. She had an air about her. Just looking at the lady, Lance knew they
would make good friends. She stood up from her stack of newspapers. "Hey,
how's it going? I'm Tree." Lance looked a bit funny when he heard her name,
and she smiled at it.  "Hey, I'm Lance, it's my first night here." She
smiled "Yeah it's my first night back. I read Tarot for the club 3 times a
week." Lance smiled to her. They talked for a few more minutes. 8:00 had
come and gone, and at about 8:30 they were still chatting. It was almost as
if they had been friends for most of their lives. The door opened, and a
surprised Rob looked at the two. "Hey guys. usually people wait at the back
door, I was wondering if you were going to bail Lance." Lance shook his
head no "If I say I will be somewhere, I'll be there. one way or another if
there is anything I have to say about it." Rob smiled. He knew he found
just the kind of worker he needed. (cheap slave labor, willing to work long
hours for little pay. oops did I say that out loud?)
	The night was interesting if nothing else. First thing done, was to
put out the candles, and torch candles. Then the ash trays had to be
distributed. The dance floor swept, and the rugs vacuumed. The bar had to
be stocked with beer and glasses and the tables all wiped down. The
bar-back was busy filling up the bar for the tenders to make sure they had
all they needed and more. Lance was given a quick tour of the
refrigerators, in case someone needed a case of beer really badly and the
bar-back was backed up. Then he was asked to get ice, Just as he was
finished filling up the bins, the doors were opened and the regulars
started coming in and chatting with the bar tenders. Lance was introduced
to Kendall, a tall dark man with a bald head. He had a smile like a
cat. His wit quickly befriended Lance. This was the beginning of yet
another great friendship in the makings.
	As time wore on, Lance left the club in search of other
opportunities. While he was only there 3 months, he made friends he knew he
would keep for life. Kendall and Tree, Troy and Cynthia. Maria, Dianna, and
so many more. His dreams were elsewhere, but if he ever needed someone
around, he knew he had someplace to turn. Then there was Troy. Troy was the
man that Lance loved, and admired. He saw in Troy, all the things he wanted
to see inside of himself. The goodness, and the willing to help others, the
beauty, and the love. Troy and lance were to keep in touch over several
years. They talked every other day or so for the next three years while
Lance was still around. The Last time Lance was to see Troy, was a day of
pain.
	It was on AOL, Lance had said a greeting to Troy, and looked over
at the screen.  Troy was talking about his up and coming test. It was his
test to have a practice, and to practice psychology in the state of
Massachusetts. Lance smiled, knowing this was Troy's dreams and hopes. Troy
continued on, telling Lance of his troubles sleeping, and troubles getting
rest. "I wish I could help. Have you tried herbal tea Troy?" Lance typed,
while whispering to himself, as if Troy could hear him. Back on the screen
came the answer, and Lance could hear Troy's response. "Well actually there
is something you can do. See I sleep better when there is weight behind me,
with someone holding me. I can't ask just anyone to help me." He didn't
need to type more, and he knew it. Lance had already said he would be there
in an hour. it was a 45 minute drive. Lance had been asleep all day with a
migraine, but he figured he'd just do some thinking. He occupy his time. he
just knew Troy was asking for help, and he would be there.

************************************************************************

	Lance pulled into the side driveway of Troy's house. He knocked
politely on the door, and asked Troy's dad if Troy was around. Lance was
lead into the house to Troy's room. As he was entering, Troy's mom asked
Troy if he was hungry. He declined, and she then asked Lance who also
declined. "I'm getting tired of this, you have to stop doing this Troy."
Was her reply. Lance was wondering just what she meant. Most people don't
mind if people skip a meal here and there. Lance was told not to tell the
family of Troy's sleeping problems. The two sat up and talked for about an
hour, and Troy said he took a sleeping pill and NyQuill before he got
there. They laid down on the bed. Lance was very nervous. He never told
Troy how he felt for him, and was afraid to say something to alert Troy to
that fact. While he tried to hide it best he could, he slipped once and
awhile with a lingered glance, or too much of a thought about a
question. Hell Lance had gone as far as setting Troy up with a few people
he knew Troy liked. So he let Troy position his arms.  He put one arm
behind Troy's head and Troy laid the other on his waist. He said he
couldn't breathe otherwise. It took all of Lance's control not to think
about where his hand was, and to remember he was helping Troy. It was soon
Troy was asleep, and Lance was watching TV. Cartoon Network. He watched
some Power Puff Girls show, when Troy's hand grabbed Lance. Lance's hand
was pushed down at Troy's crotch. When it passed and rubbed the crotch, the
hand was dragged up, again brushing the crotch. This went on for several
minutes before his hand was in Troy's pants. Lance couldn't help but be
aroused. He had wanted this for so long it hurt. Yet he knew it was
wrong. He was pulling back, and Troy was pushing farther down, undressing
himself using Lance's hand.
	Troy's pant's fell along with his underwear. Lance was looking at a
part of Troy he never hoped, never dared to dream he would ever see,
staring at him. He wasn't incredibly big. nor small. He was just the right
size. Still, Lance knew this was wrong, and pulled his hand away. First
Troy's hands searched his chest, then went out about till they found
Lance's hand, and returned the hand to where it was previously. His hips
started to gyrate, slowly, but sexily. Lance pulled his hand away several
times. In fact, A few times, Troy moved around, and pushed Lance's head
down to his crotch, after twice, Lance learned to dodge this maneuver,
after repositioning himself at the top of the bed.  For someone sleeping,
Troy's arms still had a lot of power behind them. As he was gyrating his
manhood in Lance's hand, he started to rub his ass on Lance's crotch,
turning him on further. Lance wanted nothing more than to rip his own
clothes off and take Troy right there. He still knew this was wrong. He did
everything he could to stop it short of waking Troy. He knew if he woke
Troy up in this position, it would be the last time he would see Troy. and
he also knew, Troy needed the sleep. After Troy lost his load on Lance's
hand, Troy's chest, and afghan, troy pulled his pants up. It was too
perfect for a sleeping man, but Lance still believed Troy to be
asleep. About 5 minutes after this Troy rolled over onto Lance, and off the
bed to go to the bathroom. He looked disoriented, and couldn't even button
the side of his wind pants. After Troy fumbled for a few minutes, Lance
buttoned him up, and let him relieve himself.
	Troy came back and sat down in his chair by his computer. Lance was
so nervous he could barely talk, but he had to talk to Troy. He had to tell
Troy what was going on, and make him understand what was going on. His
heart was breaking, and he was choking back his tears. He wasn't going to
let on his distress. "Hey Troy, sleep Well?" Troy, in the sexy just out of
bed voice (as if his voice wasn't sexy as hell before) "Yeah I slept great
thanks." "Do you remember your dreams? I bet they were pretty heavy." He
shook his head no, to indicate he didn't remember. Lance was trying to hint
to Troy something was going on, and he wanted to talk, but Troy wasn't
responding. They talked for a few more minutes, and then Troy told Lance he
had to study, sending Lance on his way home.
	Soon as Lance started the car, the tears were falling full
stream. He cried the whole way home, and was thankful for the fact his aunt
and uncle he stayed with were asleep at this hour. It was about 10:30
before Lance got home, and still the tears fell.
************************************************************************

	The next day, Lance got Troy on IM's. He figured it would be best
to wait till Troy was done with the test. He didn't need anything else on
his mind while that test was going on. Lance asked Troy if he had a few
minutes. "Hey Troy, you going to be online for a bit?" "Yeah I'll be here,
still can't sleep." "How'd the test go?" "I won't know for 6- 8 weeks."
"Well I hope you did OK. Anyhow, I need to talk to you about something, but
I'm not sure how to.it's kind of hard." "Just spit it out." Lance was taken
back a bit by that. "well Troy, you remember last night?" "Yeah I really
appreciated you coming over, I already told you that." "I know
Troy. something happened." Lance went on to tell Troy he wasn't mad about
what happened. Troy said he had to go kind of suddenly, saying they would
talk about it later. and that was the last time Lance was to hear from
Troy. (And this is the End of My Story. more to come on These Reminders Of
You.)


	Troy, if your reading this, I know you will know its you. I may not
have flashy cars, or expensive things. I look like a troll, and you deserve
so much better than I ever was. You deserve better than I am. And you
deserve better than I ever will be. So as much as I love you, and I always
will carry you with me. I will carry the good times, and the ways you
helped me. I will carry the goodness you instilled inside me when I was a
frail and scared child. I will carry your heart, and as I help others I
will remember the things you told me. So know, no matter where you are, no
matter where you go, no matter how hard things get, I will be here. and if
need be, I will be where you are to help. I just want you to know that, and
that no matter what, there will always be someone thinking of you.  I won't
lie, you've hurt me, so much, so badly, I don't know that the pain will
ever go away. I do know however, that I need to move on, and I need to live
my life, as do you.  That doesn't mean that our lives have to be separate.
I want to be a part of your life as much as I can. We can never be
together. maybe not never, but not now. Not that you'd want to anyhow. but
if you read this keep on being the nice, loving man I met all those years
ago, as a hurt, heartbroken teenager. You picked me up, showed me true
friendship, and you helped me realize that, no matter what else, I am a
good person, and I am capable of loving. One day I hope you find your true
love, and I hope I find mine. I have had my first real love, and I survived
the loss of it. Now I know anything is possible. I may be half a country
away now, but I am here, just as I was before, for you. All you need do is
call my name, and let me know you need me. You know how to find me. In the
immortal words of Celine Dion, I Love You. Good-Bye.