Date: Tue, 08 Jan 2002 16:51:26 -0500 From: Sweet Music Subject: Things Don't Always Turn Out That Way Part 6: Can't Live Without You Hello again everyone. I'd just like to say that I've been lying to you all. Yes, I really do know the guys of Nsync, and Britney, and Wade. In fact I'm sitting on their tour bus right now, having coffee with JC and Joey. Its great. Yep, yep. Now do you really believe me? No of course you don't. Do you know why you don't? Because now I'm really lying to you. Sorry, I've just had the urge to do that since I started writing these things. Yeah Yeah Yeah, I'm amused by stupid things. So anyway, I really don't know any of the celebrities in this story or their sexual preference. No I'm not sitting here having a cup of coffee with JC and Joey. And if you're not suppose to be reading stuff like this for any reason, go away. :) Oh, and don't steal my stuff. Simple. WoooHooo! Now the fun stuff! Can't Live Without You By Pandora Joey caught me as I stormed out of Justin's room. Literally, he caught me. I was so upset I nearly fell in the hall. He took one look at me and all he said was, "You let him get to you again," and I collapsed against the wall, tears running down my cheeks. I hate crying, I really do. But Justin had hit a nerve in my heart, he'd opened a flood gate. Before, I thought there was hope for us. I thought even if we couldn't have any kind of intimate relationship at least we could salvage our friendship. He just can't stand to have anyone else have me. He's so damn selfish. Then why in the hell do I love him so much? Now I'm sitting across from Joey in the hotel cafe. We've been here for almost fifteen minuets and neither of us has said a thing to the other. We've both only spoken long enough to order lunch. He keeps looking at me with sympathetic eyes, like he really wants to say something but he doesn't want to press the issue. So he just keeps looking at me and doesn't say a word. I can see Joey, and the cafe surrounding us, but my mind isn't absorbing any of it. My mind keeps wandering back to that image of Justin, looking up at me from his bed, looking so childlike and helpless. I keep hearing his words, the tenderness of his voice, tenderness I'd never heard before. Could he have really meant everything he said? Could those pleading eyes have been telling the truth the whole time? Could it just be... The waitress interrupts my thoughts as she sets my sandwich in front of me. I'm not hungry not in the slightest. I don't want to eat, or even be here. I just want to go crawl back into my bed and cry. I pick at my food and let my mind drift back to the thoughts of Justin. "Jeez, Lance," Joey's voice startles me and I jump, "I can hear you thinking all the way over here." That would be his weak attempt to lighten the mood. "Can not." I mutter as I pick at the crust of my ham and cheese on rye. He sighs, "Come on, Lance. Don't be so depressed." He reaches across the table to stop my hand from picking at anymore of my food. "You know, he always does this to you. Why do you let him get to you? Why do you let him keep hurting you?" "I love him." I mutter hoping i said it low enough that Joey can't hear. "You what?" He asks, a touch of annoyance in his voice. "Love him, Joe." I say, looking him in the eye now, "I really do. And God only knows why. God only knows why I love that bitchy little diva." Joey opens his mouth to say something to me but I keep talking, "Yes, I know he hurts me and I know he leaves me all alone and lonely but when he's with me, everything in my world is brighter. All he has to do is smile at me and tell me everything is going to be ok and the whole world makes sense again. I know I told him enough. But, Joe, I can't live without his touch, his lips, his BEING. Even if he never returns my love and I go on pining for his heart and only getting his body, so be it, because his smile will still be there; his smile and his eyes and his voice and HIM, it will all still be there. Even if he grows old in the arms of another, even if he gives his heart over to another, he'll always have mine, and he'll always have my arms to run in to when his world doesn't make sense. He may not love me, but I do and will always love him. He stole my heart the day we met and he can keep it. I'm not going to ask for it back." Tears have welled up in my eyes now and in a very low whisper so no one around can possibly hear I say "I love Justin Timberlake, and there's not a damn thing you or I can do about it." Joey sighs heavily and says, "Lance..." I'm going to cry again, "No, Joey, I don't want to hear it. I'm a hopeless, heartbroken romantic and an idiot and i know that so you don't need to tell me, I just... I'm going to my room." I don't even glance back as I walk out of the cafe to my room. For the past three hours I haven't moved, I've stayed here on my bed, crying like a God damn baby. I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned my cell phone off and threw it in the bathroom sink and shut the door, just to be safe. I don't want to be bothered, I want to stay here and think about everything I told Joe, and how true it all was and how that scares the hell out of me. For the past three hours the lyrics to our song "Gone," the one Justin himself wrote, keeps running through my head: "I've been sitting here Can't get you off my mind I'm tryin' my best to be a man and be strong I drove myself insane wishing I could touch your face But the truth remains you're..." I don't want to even think that last word. I can hear Justin's voice singing those words, over and over again, never saying the last word of the phrase, and I think I'm truly going to go insane because this is all I've heard for the past three hours. We sing about how great love is all the time, and personally, I think it sucks. Some one knocks on the door, and the song playing over and over again in my head stops, like someone pulled the needle off the record. Its probably Joey, and I don't intend on answering the door. I don't need another lecture on what Justin's doing to me. I KNOW ALREADY! I'll just... "Lance?" Justin? Is that his voice I hear muffled by the door, laced with sadness? "Lance, please let me in. I need to talk to you." I drag myself off the bed and slowly walk to the door. I stand in the entrance to my room, leaning on the wall just staring at the door. I don't hear him anymore he's stopped knocking, he probably left. I turn to go back to be when I hear Justin's voice, singing to me: "There's a thousand words that I could say To make you come home Seems so long ago you walked away And left me alone..." God, he's singing, "Gone" To me. Justin is standing outside my door singing to me. When he reaches: "Now I don't wanna make excuses baby Won't change the fact that you're gone But if there's something that I could do Won't you please let me know..." His voice breaks. He's crying, without a doubt, I can hear the tears, but he continues: "The time is passing so slowly now Guess that's my life without you..." Now he's sobbing and I can barely make out the words. Christ, I can't take this anymore. I open the door to see Justin leaning against the doorjamb, tears streaming down his beautiful face, which I marred only yesterday, but he's still beautiful none the less. "Come in Justin." He just hangs his head and walks in my room. I close the door and look at him. "Justin..." I press. "I'm so, so, SO sorry Lance." He looks at me, "I just... I couldn't... its just..." He breaks. The flood gates open again and he begins to sob. I step closer to him and lay my hand on his shoulder. To my shock, he hits his knees and wraps his arms around my waist and presses his face into my stomach. I can feel his tears soaking my T-shirt. "God Lance," He sobs, "I couldn't ever admit it. To anyone. You, the guys, Britney, myself. So I hid behind her. But then, God, I thought I'd lost you. I thought you'd walked out of my life for good. I was so scared, I still am." He continues to sob. "Justin, what are you trying to say?" He looks up at me, his eyes are a deeper blue when he cries. "I... I love you, Lance." I almost didn't hear it, but he repeats, "James Lance Bass I love you more then I've ever loved anyone in my entire life and I cannot live without you. Its always been you, not Britney, YOU. I've just been too afraid to admit it." He holds me tighter. "It wasn't just about sex. That first night, when we kisses, our first time together, God, it wasn't just sex Lance. You touched part of me that no one's ever touched before." He's taking words right out of my mouth, "I mean, sure, the sex was great but I've love you long before that. I've loved you since the day you walked into my house years ago and said 'Hi my name's Lance.' You shook my hand and took my heart." He smiles up at me sadly, "You had me from hello. I feel my knees go weak and tears well up in my eyes. "I've waited so long to hear those words." I lay my hands on his cheeks and carefully wipe away his tears, not brushing he bruised eye too hard, "I love you too Justin." My heart lifts as that million dollar smile comes back to his face. He stands and pulls me into his arms. "I'm so sorry I hurt you Lance. I was an idiot, and I'm so sorry, baby." He looks into my eyes again, "Can I call you baby?" "Yes Justin, I'm your baby now." When he kisses me, I feel the love he has for me. Its almost tangible. His kiss leaves me breathless and weak at the knees. He holds me close and whispers into my ear how he'll never let me go. He'll never let me walk away again. He'll hold me forever and I'll always be his baby and he'll always be mine. Mine, not hers. See, some stories DO have happy endings, some things do turn out that way. ______________________________________________________________________________ Its short, I know, but its not the last chapter of this series and certainly not the last I'll write. So are you guys happy with the story? See, Justin may be an ass, but he ends up with Lance at the end. Oh, but what about Wade? We've forgotten all about him and Lance's little... fun in the dance studio. What's gonna happen? Oh no! The evil Pandora won't tell us! We hafta keep reading to find out! Oh the humanity! Oh the... Ok I'm done. I just felt the need to be strange. Any who, feedback is ALWAYS a wonderful thing to me. Thanks for reading Pandora Sweet_Music5@hotmail.com