Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2001 17:48:30 EDT
From: Gking0300@aol.com
Subject: Celebrity/Boybands/Torn/2

I don't usually see Nick and JC paired up, so I decided to do it myself.
This first part is just setting the stage for the story, showing you some
of their past history and what they went through.  I'm starting with a
breakup, which is sort of unusual, but hell, if you want usual, go
somewhere else. . .

I love to hear from people and their comments, so e-mail me! ! !  Your
input will be valued and I'll make a half assed attempt to get back to
ya'll.

And just to clear up some stuff for people, no I'm not a girl, and no I'm
not gay. . . maybe bi, and most likely in denial. . . I'm writing this to
show my retarded friend who IS gay that other people CAN write gay
FICTION. . . I just have to use my imagination.  I've gotta stick up for my
group, yo.

Gking0300@aol.com

DISLCAIMER: This story is a complete work of fiction, meaning it's not
true. . All references to the sexual orientation of any of the members of
Backstreet Boys or NSYNC are completely contrived and have no basis in real
life.

**IV. When the Task is Long and the Time is Short**

Nickolas Gene Carter sat at the foot of his bed staring out into space.
Snow fell gently by the window, sometimes one way, sometimes the other.
The wind gusted against the walls and the building trembled slightly.
Falling back against the pillows, Nick let his eyes close momentarily,
images of JC immediately filling his troubled mind.

His eyes were puffy and reddened for crying, but now his grief was too
great to let him cry.  Self absorbed in his own pity, Nick withdrew quickly
into his shell, his thoughts and his emotions concealed behind his grimly
set jaw.

He missed JC.

That was the only way to describe it.  It ached inside of him and beseiged
his mind like a plague.  Whoever said you don't know what you had until its
been taken away should be declared a genius.  It wasn't an option to run to
JC anymore, to wrap him in your arms and feel his breath on your cheek.
Nick mentally ran through all the things he couldn't do, all of the
emotions and feelings he could no longer experience.

Curling his legs into indian style, he clasped his hands in his lap and
concentrated on not crying.  It was an easy thing to do since his tears had
long since run dry, and crying would only hurt his now tender eyes.  But
yet it was so easy to give in and cry.  So much was missing and so much was
gone.

His smell was gone too.  The cologne no longer hung in the air and the his
natural smell was no longer on the sheets, nor would it ever be.  They
would never lie in bed and hold each other, reveling in the pleasures of
just being near each other.

JC was life.  JC was happiness.  Most importantly, JC was the one thing
that completed Nick's life.  Nick laughed bitterly to himself as he
recalled the harsh way he dismissed JC the last time he had asked for
forgiveness.

That damn pride.  The fucking God damned to hell pride that kept him from
being together with the man he loved, the pride probably killed the man he
loved the most.  The pride that tore them apart and the pride and guilt
that Nick would have to live with for the rest of his life.

Burying his head in a pillow, Nick pulled himself into a ball and sobbed.
His body shook slightly and he bit his lip so hard blood appeared, staining
the white pillowcase.

In a sudden fit of anger, Nick threw the pillow from him violently.  It hit
the wall, knocking a picture from its place next to the bookcase,
shattering the glass instantly.  "Fuck you JC, why did you have to die?"
Nick asked angrily.

Standing on the bed, his eyes blazing, Nick picked up a glass figurine and
threw it into the wall, watching with satisfaction as it broke into
millions of tiny shards that fell and littered the floor.

"That's what I hope happened to you Joshua Chasez, I never loved you
anyway."

Nick stopped suddenly, tears streaming down his face.  Realizing the
complete insanity and falseness of what he had just said caught up with him
and he began to laugh.  He laughed as tears streamed down his face.  "Fuck
it all, I want you back Josh, even for just a minute I want you back."

"And I want me back."

There was the disease.  The disease that Nick chose to run from; to treat
by denying its existance.  The disease that plaqued him night and day.

Nick sat motionless on the bed as he reviewed the concepts in his mind.
I'm twenty years old, the man that I love the most is dead, and I'll be
gone in six months.

But that's fine.  Life on earth isn't worth living without JC, Nick thought
to himself, carefully rearranging his sweaty blond locks.  I'll be happy to
be dead.  I can't hurt anymore when I'm dead, and I'll be closer to JC when
I'm dead.

Nick laid back on the bed slowly, propping his head up with two pillows.
Clasping his hands over his chest, his eyes closed gently and his breathing
became deep and rhythmic.

*****

The door to the room opened slightly, squeaking on its hinges.  The room
was opressively dark, with a faint glow coming through the drawn curtains.
Two sapphire blue eyes pierced the muggy atmosphere of the room, the heat
and moisture of the air pressing in on the intruder.

He stopped as his feet crunched momentarily on the broken glass littering
the floor.  Gazing around the room, he pursed his lips at the open suitcase
and articles of clothing randomly spread around the room.  Carefully
sidestepping a nintendo controller and a half used tube of toohpaste lying
on the floor, he reached the bed and sat down.

The bedclothes were moist with sweat and twisted around the sleeping man's
form.

The intruder's eyes fixed on the beautiful man in front of him.  His hair
was wet and plastered to his forehead, and the faint lighting outlined his
strikingly beautiful features and smooth skin.  He moved slightly in his
sleep, gripping the covers in his grasp and pulling slightly.

The long lashes framing the closed eyes flickered open and the piercing
baby blues were revealed.  "Josh?  What are you doing here?"

"Seeing you baby, what else would I be doing?"

Still half asleep, Nick moved slightly and wrapped his arms around JC,
pulling him close.  "That's funny, I thought you were dead."

"Well, I loved you too much to die," he said softly, his voice cracking as
tears appeared at the corners of his eyes.  "You're so beautiful baby."

Nick smiled peacefully pulling his lover down to the bed next to him,
breathing in his scent and taking in the feel of his body pressed up
against him, his breath tickling the back of his neck.  "I thought I'd
never see you again.  I was so scared."

"You don't have to be scared anymore baby, I'm back here and I'm never
leaving again.  I promise you that."

Nick's eyes fluttered and sleep began to creep up on him again.  "Then why
are you fading away?  Why are you leaving?"

"I'm not baby, I told you I'd never leave you."

Nick nodded and his eyes closed again as he slipped into a peaceful sleep.

*****

Nick's eyes snapped open suddenly.  The room was pitch dark and the
illuminated numbers on the alarm clock read three in the morning.  Sighing
to himself, Nick ran his fingers through his sweat drenched hair.  The
sheets were soaking, and Nick got up, turning the fan on.  The blades
stirred the air and the gentle breeze helped cool Nick's flushed body.

Josh.

Nick bit his thumbnail nervously, trying to recall the details of his
dream.  JC was there, holding him close, telling him that he would never
leave.  JC was in his bed with him, he could feel the warmth of his breath,
smell his scent, and feel his heart beat.

It had been so real.

"Nick?"

Nick froze, his eyes closed.

"What are you doing out of bed?"

Biting his lip, he felt his heartbeat race.

"J-Josh?" he asked quietly, willing this to be real.

"Who else would it be?"

Nick turned abruptly.

He was as beautiful as Nick could remember.  JC stood at the door to the
bathroom clad in boxers, wearing a confused smile.  His hair stuck up in
several places, but his eyes sparkled exactly the same way he remembered.
Walking over to the speechless Nick, he wrapped him in his arms.  "Who did
you think it was?"

Nick shook slightly, his knees becoming weak.  "God JC, it really is you,
isn't it."

JC nodded and pulled Nick close, holding him tightly in his embrace.  "I
know you were scared baby, I'm sorry I had to leave you for a minute but
I'm back."

Nick wiped tears from his eyes.  "I love you so much JC, promise me you'll
never die again."

JC laughed and ruffled Nick's hair.  "I won't ever die again, I promise
you."

Nick nodded and kissed JC gently on the lips.  "You know I never thought
I'd get to do that again?"

JC smiled and opened his mouth, admitting Nick's probing tounge.  "Well now
you can."

Wrapping his arms around JC's neck, Nick ran a hand through JC's hair.
"You sexy bitch," he whispered.  "I love you."

JC took Nick's hand in his, gently massaging his palm with his thumb and
index finger.  "I know."

*****

The sunlight streamed through the window as JC pulled the blinds up,
pushing the panes outwards letting the fresh air flood the room.  Gulping
fresh air, JC sighed as the sounds of the city wafted up from the street
floors below.  Turning back, he watched Nick sleeping, his face wearing a
satisfied smile.

I'm so lucky.

JC sat down next to Nick and bent down, placing his lips gently over his
lovers.  Nick's eyes fluttered open and he moved up into the kiss, pulling
JC further down into him.  "What a way to wake up."

JC turned his head to look out the window, the piercing blue sky showed
through the glass, and white clouds moved high in the sky.  The sunlight
cascaded into the room as a gentle breeze moved the curtains slowly from
side to side.  Nick ran his finger gently along the back of JC's necks,
feeling the coarse hairs.  "You've changed."

Nick looked at JC questioningly.  "What?"

"You've changed.  You're mature now."

Nick shrugged and lay back down, his blond hair cascading across the
pillow.  "I don't care what I am.  I've got you now."

JC sighed, letting his breath out slowly.  "You want to get breakfast?"

Nick nodded slowly, pushing the covers down to the bottom of the bed.  "I
love you Joshua."

JC smiled and helped Nick down off the bed, holding his hand tightly.  "I
love you too Nickolas."

*****

Nick turned the knob on the shower as far as it would go, and water
cascaded rapidly from the spout.  Pulling the silver knob, the shower
jumped to life and sprayed from the head scalding his back.  Quickly
turning the temperature down, Nick gingerly rubbed his burned skin.
"Jesus," he whispered quietly feeling the burning tingling feeling receded
quickly.  Squeezing some shampoo out onto his hand, Nick massaged the foam
into his locks, squinting as some ran down into his eyes, momentarily
blinding him.

It was at that moment he felt hands around his waist.  A pair of strong
hands worked his scalp and tingling sensations traveled rapidly up and down
his spine.  Letting out a soft moan, Nick lay against the shower stall
feeling the water work the kinks out of his muscles and sooth and relax his
mind.

Nick turned to face JC and brought their lips together.  Opening his mouth,
Nick forced his tounge into JC's mouth roughly, forcing the older man back
against the tiled walls.  Now out of the warming spray of the shower, Nick
shivered as JC's hands moved down to his waist.  Nick pressed into JC
feeling the familiar tingling as his body gained the incredible desire that
always came with being in close proximity with JC.

JC bent slightly, his tounge working in circles around Nick's neck, his
ministrations bringing angry red circles into view.  Nick bent his neck up
exposing more of his tender flesh and JC ravaged the blond with a passion.

JC moved downward, his tounge working its way to Nick's shoulders and
eventually down to his nipples.  Biting them harshly, JC's tounge darted
out of his mouth as Nick's body spasmed from the pleasure.  Finally working
his way down to Nick's hardening member, JC forced all seven inches into
his mouth.

The steam billowed around them as JC brought his hands to Nick's shaft,
working quickly, forcing his head down taking as much as he could down his
throat.  Nick's mouth opened slightly as he sucked in air while JC's hand
worked its way back up his body to play lazily over Nick's defined chest.

The smell of shampoo and sweat filled the room as JC continued to force
onto Nick's cock, his tounge working its way around the head and then back
down.  JC's hand moved up and down causing Nick's hips to jerk with
pleasure.  "Suck me off goddamnitm," Nick whispered, his hands moving to
the back of JC's head.  Forcing JC down all the way, Nick pushed him down
on every stroke, his moans becoming louder and more desperate.  "JC, I'm
gonna cum," he almost yelled.

Bucking his hips upward, he came violently into JC's throat, feeling the
uncontrollable pleasure take full reign over his body.  Continuing to
spasm, Nick closed his eyes and took deep breaths, feeling JC's hot mouth
swallowing his cum.

Finally, Nick pulled away and JC's got to his feet slowly, massaging his
knees.  "You're one hot man Nicky," JC said licking his lips.  "You taste
wonderful."

Nick smiled sweetly and pulled JC back underneath the shower spray.  "I
want you to fuck me Joshua," he said softly, his hands working over JC's
smooth skin feeling the subtle power hidden beneath the defined muscles.
"I want to feel you inside me, I want to have you inside me."

JC shivered as Nick's hand grabbed his cock and pulled slightly, the water
causing a slippery wet sensation that caused him to jerk slightly.  "No
lube, no condom, just you and only you."

JC complied with a smile.

*****

Curled up on the couch, Nick held his ragged journal in hand, scribbling
away, his handwriting scarawled messily across the pages.  His hair was
still damp from the shower, dripping an occasional wet drop on the paper.
Groaning to himself, he wiped away the wet spots and continued to write

Standing in the doorway, JC watched him as the sun shone through and hit
his hair, illuminating the golden color brilliantly.  Nick was
concentrated, his blue eyes seemingly a darker shade and his glasses adding
at least two years onto his age.  "So, you sore?"

Nick looked up and smiled, putting his pencil down and shutting the
notebook.  "Yeah, but it's a good kind of sore."

JC sat down next to Nick and nuzzled his neck, biting the skin tenderly.
"You're such a turn on."

Nick shrugged and lay back on the couch, letting the warm beams heat his
body pleasantly.  "I know."

JC lay back, his head against Nick's chest while Nick's hand gently stroked
his hair.  "I need food."

Nick raised his eyebrow.  "Did I wear you out?"

JC shook his head.  "Nope, but you came pretty close."

Nick nodded, a satisfied smile coming across his face.  "I'm a sensational
lay."

JC rolled his eyes.  "Don't get a big head."

Nick did a few hasty pelvic thrusts.  "It's always been big baby,
especially around you."

"Alright, I'm gone," JC groaned getting up, tousling Nick's wet hair.  "Dry
off and join me?"

Nick nodded.  "I just need to finish these notes.  I'll catch you up in a
few."

JC left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Nick leaned back, holding his journal in his lap.  The sun warmed him and
he looked at the clothes strewn around the room and the rumpled sheets.
JC's smell hung in the air like a cloud, relaxing his senses.  Turning the
cover to the book, he continued writing, his pencil making dull scratching
sounds.

God, this couldn't have come at a worse time, Nick thought sadly, two tears
poised at the corners of his eyes.  I'm ready to die in peace and he has to
come and make me feel alive again.  He has to make me want to stay, to live
longer, to lover longer.  Fuck you Joshua, your timing sucks.

Shaking out his wrist, sore form writing, he brushed the tears from his
face and shook his head, running his hands through his newly clipped golden
hair.  But I love him.

That's all that matters.  I love him, and he loves me.  That's worth living
for.

Even if I will die.

He shut the book and shoved it under the bed.  Jumping up, he fixed his
hair and laughed halfheartedly at the few strands that refused to stay in
line.  Shrugging to himself, he bounded out of the room and down the
stairs, two at a time.

JC sat at the counter, pouring syrup onto the two plates of pancakes.  He
heard Nick clumping down the stairs loudly, and as expected, the blond
darted around the corner and slid all the way down the hall into the
breakfast room.  "I'm here now."

JC rolled his eyes and finished pouring.  "Like I hadn't noticed."

Nick smiled and grabbed a fork from the drawer, cutting a pancake in half
and shoving it into his mouth.  Chewing noisily, he grinned widely at JC,
syrup dribbling down his chin.

JC bent down and licked it off, kissing Nick on the nose.

"Gross Josh," Nick said wiping the saliva from his face.  "Can we be
anymore unromantic."

The phone rang suddenly, and JC bent to pick it up, but Nick stopped him.
"Don't Josh, I have this feeling."  Swallowing the lump of pancake, he
picked up the phone tentatively.

"Hello?"

Seeing the abrupt change on Nick's face, JC reached over to take the phone,
but stopped as Nick pushed his hand away.

"Stop fucking calling me.  Can't you take no for an answer?" Nick yelled
into the phone.  With all his strength, Nick threw the phone at the wall,
smiling with satisfaction as it burst into pieces, plastic shattering and
spraying across the room.  "Look at you now, can't ring now can ya?  Just
try and ring, I dare you."

JC sat on his chair with an amused look.  Picking a piece of white plastic
from his hair and shirt, he gave his lover a lopsided smile.  "It turns me
on to see you angry."

With a few sparks, the remains of the phone smoked slightly and lay looking
pitiful on the floor.  "Sorry about your phone," Nick said, a little guilty
smile crossing his face.

**V. When the Flame is Rekindled**

"Hey sexy."

Nick rolled his eyes and punched Brian lightly in the shoulder.  "And you
only speak the truth."

Brian chuckled to himself.  "You know, if I wasn't 'hopelessly straight' as
you call it, I'd think you were one hot thang."

"God Brian, you are so hopelessly retarded," Nick said shoving Brian so
hard he lost his balance and fell to the floor with a shocked look on his
face.  "Even if you were gay, I wouldn't ever touch you.  Especially with
your horrible clothing style and those repuslsive boxers."

Brian shrugged, lifting up his shirt revealing the boxers Nick loathed.  "I
don't see anything wrong with them."

"For christ's sake Brian, don't you ever wash those?" Nick asked.

"Um, no," Brian said, looking up at Nick from his place on the floor.
"Leighanne thinks they're sexy."

Nick rolled his eyes and held his hand out for Brian.  "Come on, get up you
hopelessly straight bad dresser boy."

Brian stood up, brushing off his pants which clashed horribly with his
orange shirt.  "Hey, I learn my style from the best," Brian said
defensively as he caught Nick's disapproving look.

"God, you guys are pitiful," Nick said shaking his head.  "I really don't
blame the girls for falling for all the gay ones."

Brian sat back on the stool, looking surpisingly handsome despite the baggy
clothing and conflicting colors.  "So, I wanted to talk."

Nick nodded and sat down next to him, resting his chin on his hands.  "I'm
all ears."

Brian pursed bis lips and started tracing unseen shapes on the countertop.
"It's about Josh."

Nick nodded and chewed his fingernail absently, gazing out the window.  "I
love him so much."

"I know Nick, and that's what I'm worried about.  I love you, you know
that, like a brother and I don't want to see you get hurt.  You know you
can run to me when someone does you wrong, but despite the fact that I'll
always be there for you, it pains me to see you get hurt almost as much as
it hurts you."  Brian figeted a little, and dropped his hands into his lap.
He cleared his throat and started again.

"Nick, our childhoods are basically parallel.  We had the same experiences,
the same lives, and we still do.  We share a bond I can't even explain.  It
hurts so much to see you hurt."

Nick pulled Brian into a tight embrace.  "It's so good to know that you
care that much.  After all I've put you through and you're still there for
me."

Brian pulled back and look Nick in the eyes, feeling strangely as if he was
falling head first into the hypnotizing orbs.  "

Nick froze, his eyes locked onto Brian's.  For a split second, he saw more
than a confused man with bad clothing style and a wife.  He saw Brian, the
beautiful handsome man, his light brown hair streaked blond from the sun,
his skin a beautiful bronzed color.  He saw his masculine jawline and
unblemished features.  "Brian, I," Nick started, but stopped as he realized
words had no place in this moment.

Brian stared back at Nick, thoughts racing through his mind.  Surprisingly,
Leighanne was the last thing to enter his thoughts as he stared at Nick,
lost in the moment they were sharing.  Unaware of his actions, Brian brough
his hand up to gently caress Nick's cheek, moving his hand to the back of
his neck, feeling the warmth of the skin under his touch.

Nick shivered uncontrollably, the rekindling of his first love turning into
a roaring inferno.  "Brian, we shouldn't," he tried again, but felt himself
closing the distance slowly despite his words.

Pull back, Brian thought desperately, trying to think of the ramifications
of this encounter.  But he could only watch helpless as Nick's lips moving
to his own, the eyelids closing tightly over those sky blue eyes.  Finally,
Brian met Nick's lips in a passionate lock, his tounge unable to stay
inside his mouth, forcing its way into Nick's.

Nick groaned and his arms wrapped themselves around Brian's neck, pulling
them closer together.  Nick wanted to tear away from it, but in his heart,
he knew it was right.  He knew the feelings he felt for his best friend
couldn't be shoved back, buried under the mess of feelings that plagued his
mind.

Opening his eyes, Nick watched as Brian pulled back slightly, his breath
coming in short, shallow pants.  "I don't know what to say," Nick said
slowly.

Brian shook his head and ran a finger across his lips slowly.  "So that's
what I was missing."

"We shouldn't talk about this again," Nick said slowly, still captivated by
Brian's beauty.

"No, we shouldn't," Brian mumbled slowly, making no effort to move.

"Promise me you won't ever say," Nick said but felt himself pressing his
lips to Brian's again, this time more forcefully.  Managing to move from
the stools to the floor, Nick moved on top of Brian, his mind fogged and
his vision tunneled.  All he could think of was that his first love was on
the floor beneath him begging for more.

Brian snaked his tounge out, wrapping his legs around Nick's.  Their bodies
ground together, and they broke out in a sweat, their bodies shining under
the thin sheen.  "Mm Brian," Nick managed to come up for air.  "I can't, JC
will," he said before he plunged back down, his tounge running down Brian's
neck.  He paused, biting Brian's collar bone, listening to the brunette
gasp beneath him.

"I can feel you Nick, I can feel it pressing into me.  God, why didn't I
see this before," Brian asked, his voice several pitches higher, the desire
and stress in his voice obvious.

Nick moved down and unbuttoned Brian's pants, feeling the warmth radiating
into his hand.  Brian's last coherent thougts were drowned out by intense
waves of pleasure overtaking his body.  His eyes closed and he surrendered
himself to the forbidden feelings flooding his senses.

*****

Josh entered the room slightly, the darkness of dusk turning the usually
bright bedroom into a world of slowly shifting shadows.  Feeling around
under the bed, he slowly pulled the black book from beneath, glancing
around, his eyes piercing the darkness brightly.  Opening the cover, he
began to read.

His eyes widened as the dates flew by.  First the mid nineties, the late
nineties.  Pages flipped and he submerged himself into the world of his
boyfriend he had never experienced.  The world of betrayal, denial,
mistrust, hurt, and abuse.

A noise behind him jolted him back to reality.  Turning around slowly, he
saw Nick standing in the doorway, his eyes sad, his hair dishevled and his
face tearstreaked.

"I, I," JC started, but Nick signaled him to be silent.  Moving to the bed,
he absently flipped through the pages of his journal.

"Nick, I had no right to," he tried again, but Nick put a finger to his
mouth.

"I cheated on you today," Nick said, the fatigue evident in his voice.  "I
got down and dirty with my first love on the kitchen floor.  I let him fuck
me, I fucked him.  I told him I loved him, and I got on my knees for him."

JC sighed, letting his breath hiss between his teeth.  "I read your
journal.  I invaded your privacy.  I read about your abuse, your past
relationships, and," he choked up slightly.  "Your condition."

Nick took JC's hands in his.  "I'm so sorry, I should never have let my
hormones take the wheel."

JC squeezed his hands.  "I should never have let curiosity take mine."

Nick kissed JC on the lips, but felt JC pushing him away.

"You taste like Brian," he said making a strange face.

Nick raised one eyebrow, his trademark look.  "And how would you know?"

JC blushed and looked out the window.

"That's what I thought," Nick said lying down on the bed.  "You're one sick
fuck."

"You're one sensational lay," JC countered.  "So we sleep now and talk
tommorow?"

Nick nodded, yawning.  "Don't tell me I smell like him too."

JC wrinkled his nose.  "Yup, but it kinda turns me on."

Nick punched JC, his eyelids drooping.  "Me too.  You wanna have a
threesome?"

JC flicked the light off and rolled over, kissing Nick on the head.  "I'll
ask."

**V. Torn**

Sitting down at his laptop, Nick powered up as he gazed out the window.  He
put his glasses on carefully.  I love them both.  I can't decide.

Looking over at the bed, he watched JC turn over in his sleep, his brown
hair sticking up wildly.  He mumbled quietly and gripped the sheets, a
happy smile coming across his face.

But after all, it's not a choice, Nick thought happily.

*****

I'm thinking of having this be just a dual episode series.  What do you
think?  Should I continue this or let it drop?  Let me know, I love to hear
from ya'll.