Date: Fri, 26 Nov 1999 21:30:15 GMT
From: Dave McGrath <dragon_reborn88@hotmail.com>
Subject: Utopia (Chapter 2)

   This story is purely fictional and it is not suggesting anything about
the sexuality either N'Sync or Backstreet Boys. I am not trying to imply
that either one of the band members is homosexual or bisexual. I also do not
suggest this story to any one who is offended by erotic homosexual stories,
or who is under the age of eighteen.

               ***********************************

   For the sixth time that week, I woke up sweating. Getting up quickly, I
ran to the bathroom and turned on the light. It blinded me for a minute, but
soon, I was able to see my face in the huge mirror on the wall across from
me. My face was white and scared, still haunted by the nightmare that was
now the usual part of my dreams. I frowned, hating the person I saw in the
mirror. Large, hazel eyes, surrounded by black circles, were staring at me
with horrifying expression, while in the same time were part-hidden by the
long black hair. Bruised and deadly pale lips, gave the whole picture a look
of a man on his death bed, ready to give his life away just to stop
suffering. I turned on the cold water and splashed some of it on my face and
shoulders, trying to snap out of the fear. If there was something I hated
more than anything, it was being scared. The right thing to do was to go
back to bed and try to get some sleep. The room looked dark and unfriendly
though, and I had no intention of going through the same nightmare again.
'You're pathetic,' I whispered to the reflection in the mirror. Then turning
the water off, I looked at my watch. It was barely five o'clock in the
morning. Sighing deeply, I pulled my hair into a pony tail. It was obvious
that the night was over for me.

   When I walked out of the apartment building two hours later,the sun was
already out. The traffic was unusually weak but I barely noticed it. That
morning I had a hard time seeing anything. Arriving to the work half an hour
early, I got an usual set of hateful glances and sharp remarks from most of
the people who worked there. They hated me passionately and I hated them
back with the same strength, if not even more. My boss still wasn't there so
I slipped into the back of the kitchen trying to surprise Mark, but he
already noticed me and smiled widely looking at his watch:
"You're early again! You're the coolest dude, that means I can split now?"
"Yeah, you can go, I'll take over."
His dark face lighted up in a boyish smile, blinding me with perfectly white
teeth. Untying the apron, he threw it to me while pulling up his baggy
pants:
"I can't wait to get out of this fucked up place. Man, I could just kiss
you."
I stepped back and with slight smile nodded my head:
"Yeah, in some other lifetime. Now get lost, I have a work to do."
He didn't wait for me to tell him twice. Slamming the door behind him, he
left me with apron in one hand and my jacket in the other, with only noise
made by the dish washing machine.

   The rest of the day passed in a blur. I didn't even try to think about
the things I was doing, considering that I did the same thing the day before
and will be doing the same thing the day after. i didn't even think about
the fact that my life was nothing but a routine; the repetition of things
that had to be done which didn't leave much time for anything else.
Getting off the work at 6PM, I bought a fish sandwich for dinner and ate it
in the car on the way home. When I walked into my apartment around 7PM, it
was already dark outside and and it was getting colder with every minute. I
changed into my sweat-suit, and getting my disc player with Offspring's
"Smash" in it, I took off. The streets were mostly dark and unfriendly, full
of suspicious faces, prostitutes of both genders, and gang warnings which I
never bothered to read. The two of the largest gangs in the town owned my
part of the neighborhood. They never got in my way though, and I didn't have
time or energy to wonder why. I could see their faces in the dark and long
shadows sneaking past me, but they didn't scare me at all. In some weird
way, they were my only friends. Prostitute and homeless didn't approach me
either. If any of them needed a place to stay, they'd wait for me in front
of my building, and accepted my help knowing that I'll never ask anything in
return. I thought of it as just another burden to carry, something I was
obliged to do and over which I had no control.
After running for what seemed to be an eternity, I turned back and ran back
the same way. It didn't matter that I ran the same way every day because I
never bothered to look at what was surrounding me. The rest of the world
didn't interest me at all, while in the same time the rest of the world
wasn't interested in me. It was an easy way to live, with no importance and
no real meaning in anything I did or thought.
While walking into my apartment building and trying to catch my breath, I
was stopped by a black-haired boy, by his build and height barely old enough
to be in the High School. He wore a black silk shirt and a pair of khaki
baggies that perfectly hugged his slim waist. Blowing in his half-frozen
fingers, he looked at me suspiciously:
"Kevin? Kevin Winslet?"
I nodded taking my earphones off. The boy's black eyes were the only things
I was able to see on his face hidden by dark, and they shone like black
diamonds. His voice was little shaky but he wasn't scared. Not of me anyway.
"Marie sent me. She said you could get me a place to sleep. Only for
tonight. I can pay you but I don't have any money, so..."
"I don't want anything from you. C'mon."
He didn't move, his eyes still suspicious:
"You don't want anything from me? Why would you help me then, what's in it
for you?"
I sighed having to repeat the same story every time:
"Nothing. The only reason I'm helping you is because you asked me to. Now
you can come with me or you can stay out tonight and hope for the best."
We stood looking at each other for a few minutes; like we were listening to
the police sirens from the street and the far away yells and screams of the
robbed, attacked, and raped people. His face was still hidden by the dark
and I couldn't see it no matter how hard I tried. Finally he made up his
mind and pushing his hear behind the ears, gave me a
I-still-don't-trust-you-look:
"I guess I'm coming with you."
He made sure to stay few steps behind me and it didn't bother me at all. I
knew he wasn't about to stab me in the back, but I also made sure to listen
carefully to his steps and moves. While I was unlocking the door, I turned
around hoping to catch a glimpse of his face before I let him in, but he was
still hidden in the dark. I stepped in, and without turning around, walked
through the hallway and into the kitchen. He followed me slowly while his
steps clearly showed that he has no intention of getting close to me.
Pulling a can of beer from the freezer, I turned around and looked at his
face under the light. All of the sudden, my legs weakened and I had to hold
on to the table just to stay on my feet. I knew that face. The black eyes
and the hair, high cheek bones, and even the body build. I thought I was
dreaming, that my mind was playing some cruel game with me, or that I've
finally gone completely mad. He just stood there looking around the kitchen
but his body was still tense, like he was about to run out at any minute. I
tried to come to my senses before saying anything. There was no ay in hell
that could have been him. The person he reminded me of was dead, and dead
people can't come back to haunt me, no matter how much right they had to do
it. Taking a sip of beer, I asked him, trying to make my voice as nonchalant
as possible:
"What's your name?"
He looked at me piercing me with his eyes:
"Daniel."
I felt like something hit me in the stomach and left me without any air at
all. It was impossible, there was no way that could've been him. I even
considered the idea that he might have survived, but he wouldn't look as
young as the boy in front of me did. At least two years passed since he had
died. I cleared my throat, deciding to get the truth on open:
"No it's not."
"What do you mean it's not?"
"Daniel is dead. Who are you?"
He turned away. I didn't think he was gonna cry, but it was obvious that I
asked something I wasn't supposed to. I wasn't about to back down though,
and pulling another beer from the freezer, I placed it on the table in front
of him while I sat across from him:
"Why don't you sit down and relax. You can take you jacket off and get
something to eat from the fridge. Then you can tell me why do you walk
around pretending to be some dead guy."
He sat down at the table and opened the beer, looking somewhere through me:
"Because...because that guy was my brother."
Then everything started falling together like pieces of the puzzle. I looked
at him more carefully and started noticing the small differences between his
and Daniel's face. daniel had a cruel looking mouth and beautiful teeth,
while the boy in front of me had a full rose-bud shaped lips and unperfect
teeth. Judging from his clothes and the way he handled himself, I was sure
that he lived on the streets for at least a year. %Taking another sip of
beer, I tried to calm down my stomach which threatened to come up at any
minute:
"What's your real name?"
"Brian."
He looked at me like he just realized something and then asked suspiciously:
"How do you know Daniel?"
I wasn't about to tell him the truth. I wasn't ready for it. Instead I kept
sipping the beer and avoiding his eyes:
"I worked in the Arena 14. I was there when...when he was killed."
His voice came out shaky but this time out of the anger that lit up his eyes
like fires of hell:
"When that...that dirty son of a bitch killed him."
I twitched, shoving my fingers into the can, knowing that I deserve
everything he says and so much more. his look showed the kind of pain that
tears up your heart and soul leaving you you to bleed to death. I wanted to
tell him something, to comfort him, but I knew I had no right to. I also
knew that it wouldn't make much difference or change the way he feels. Just
as it didn't make any difference when people did it to me. Pain can't be
pushed away as easily as that. He kept on talking with such hate that it
partly scared me:
"I'm gonna find him sooner or later. I'm gonna make him listen to everything
that happened to my family and me, make him feel guilty for destroying
everything I have, and then...then I'm gonna kill him just like he killed my
brother. In the cruelest, most inhuman way."
I knew I deserved that too. His pain tore me apart. I knew that I should
tell him right then who I am and what I did, but I couldn't. There was no
strength left in me for something like that. Instead I just listened to his
voice, while his words ripped my heart into little pieces.
"After Daniel was killed, there was no one to support my mom and me. She
worked two jobs already. The only reason she let Daniel compete in the first
place was the hope that he'll win the prize in money, so that she could send
us back to school...after he died we ended up on the street. My mom died
last winter. We slept outside and she froze to death."
With his last words his voice cracked and he got quiet for a moment. He
still wasn't about to cry though. Taking a sip of beer and clearing his
throat, he continued talking like he was telling me about stock market:
"When she died, I got a job at Steven's Corner. I met Marie last month, when
we almost killed each other over some rich customer."
While saying that, slight smile flashed on his face, but it disappeared as
fast as it came.
"Just few weeks ago, I found out that filthy bastard who killed Daniel
actually lives around here somewhere. I've been trying to find him ever
since, and started screwing up on the work. Now Steven's gang is after me.
They threatened to shove knife in my throat tonight, so I couldn't stay on
the street..."
"Do you know his name?"
He looked at me for a second like he has no idea what I'm talking about.
Then he looked at the can, squeezing it angrily:
"No. I don't even know what he looks like. But there's someone in the Wolves
who does, and he's ready to spill out everything he knows for some money."
That was it, I was busted. I knew that I couldn't hide there forever, but
this somehow came sooner that I thought it would. I stood up and threw the
empty can in the trash. The life was getting complicated again.
"You can stay here for the night but I want you gone in the morning. I don't
want any pathetic pimp at my throat. If anyone asks, you don't know me and
you never met me, OK?"
he nodded and I had a feeling that he did this before but under slightly
different circumstances.
"There is food in the fridge, and some more beer in the freezer. The
bathroom is down the hall, last door on the right. You can stay in the room
right across from it."
I looked at his clothes more closely and noticed that were worn out and
ripped in few places, and then sown back together with an unskilled hand.
"You can look through the closet and find some new clothes. Those won't last
much longer."
I grabbed another beer and started out the door. For some weird reason, I
knew that he wasn't gonna steal anything. He came to kill me and I trusted
him with my life.
"I'll be in my room right across from the kitchen. I f you need anything
you'll find me there. Just remember, I want you gone in the morning."
He nodded again and and just as I was about to walk out, he mumbled so
quietly that I barely heard him, but I still knew what he said:
"Thank you."
I stopped for a second, and then walked out pretending that I didn't hear
him.

   I went to bed around midnight. There was so many things I had to do and
so many things I had to think about, that I wasn't able to calm down. It was
obvious that I couldn't stay in the same town any more, which meant that I
had to pack up and leave as soon as possible. There was no way in hell I was
going to wait for him to find out who I am. If it ever came to fighting, I
would've let him kill me rather than fight back. I never even dreamed about
the chance that he might forgive me. Why would he when I can't even forgive
myself. To avoid either situation, I had to leave, and it had to be as soon
as humanly possible. Finally around 1AM, I shut down the lights and decided
to try and get some sleep.

   I stood in a complete darkness, trying really hard to move. My legs and
arms were numb and I couldn't feel them or see them. I tried to scream out
but there was no air for me to breathe in. While my lungs were bursting,
pain shoot through my head and I faded into the dark.
Feeling breath of air on my face, I opened my eyes slowly and came face to
face with an angel. There was a slight smile on his childish face while his
eyes, color of the sea, seemed to look all the way into my soul. Soft smell
of strawberries filled my nostrils, and his face blocked my view completely.
The beautiful blonde curls that surrounded his face, looked like they held
all of the sun rays in them, threatening to blind me. All of the sudden, the
smile disappeared from his face and he looked at me frowning. His voice,
soft and gentle like the music of the wind, had a hint of pleading in it:
"Help me..."
I reached to touch his smooth face, and he pulled back disappearing from my
view. I wanted to stand up and look foe him, but my body wasn't listening to
me. Then there was touch of something soft on my neck. It took me a while to
recognize what it was. It was a kiss, and it was to gentle and warm that I
let it happen.

   I opened my eyes finally awake. As soon as i realized that I'm in my
room, pair of soft lips pressed against mine and the heat took over. There
was a warm, slim body pressed against mine, and pair of hands skillfully
pulled my shirt off, caressing my chest and making their way down to my
stomach. Without thinking, I parted my lips allowing his tongue in, brushing
his lips with mine. I wrapped my hands around him and rolled on top of him
grinding our crotches together. He moaned softly in my mouth and wrapped his
legs around my waist, slipping his hands inside my boxers. The room was hot
and dark, and I couldn't see the face below me. It didn't matter. I was
kissing my angel, feeling his hands hungrily roam my body and his lips move
down my neck trying to get lower and lower...Then the car light from the
street flashed through the room, and I saw his face.
"What the fuck!?!"
Jumping of the bed, I turned on the light facing him angrily:
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
He sat up in the bed looking at me with no emotion whatsoever. He was very
good at playing cool. His shoulders were shaking though, and I felt sorry
for him.
He tried to keep his voice as calm as his face was:
"I'm paying you."
"I told you I don't want anything from you. Right now I want you to leave."
"You're throwing me out?!"
There was half shocked, half scared expression on his face, while he quickly
got off the bed:
"You can't throw me out now, they're looking for me! They're gonna kill me!
I just wanted to thank you, I didn't think you'd mind..."
"Well I do mind. I'm not gonna throw you out though, I don't want your death
on my conscience. I want you out of my room; right now."
He picked up the shirt he threw on the floor few minutes earlier, and
brushed his hair with his fingers. Although I tried not to, I gazed over his
half-naked body before he put his shirt back on. Although he was extremely
skinny, he didn't look weak or anorexic. His body was strong and flexible,
muscular but in the same time soft like velvet, and warm like sand along
ocean beach. There was a tattoo of a black dragon on his left shoulder and
it almost made my stomach come up again. It was like I was looking at
Daniel, only younger but in the same time a lot more experienced. He started
towards the door and then turned around again, smiling and giving me a
little confused look:
"You know, you're the first one that complained since I started working. I
just thought I'd tell you."
"Who said anything about complaining."
His smile became wider and I couldn't help but to smile myself:
"Get lost now."
He got out of the room quickly, still smiling. Getting back into the bed, I
realized that I can still smell him on the covers and pillows. At that point
I was 100% sure that there was no way for me to go back to sleep.

                                       End of chapter 2