Date: Sat, 11 May 2002 23:01:00 -0700 From: dream lover Subject: welcome to paradise 3 Welcome To Paradise Chapter3: Braking Down Walls Hey everyone. How's it going? I had a really weird day today, not good but nothing really horrible happened either. It was just...weird. Lol sorry my vocabulary is shrunk today, damn SAT's. Well I was bored during science and decided to write more. Don't ya just love me? Lol. Well here it is. Disclaimer: don't own *N SYNC nor do I claim to. They own themselves, or at least I hope they do. I do own Ry, Jen and Alex and anyone else you have never heard of in this story. If you're not comparable with slash, then what the hell are you doing at Nifty? Oh before you continue reading, check out 'Jc's Hitchhiker' you haven't already. That's one of my fav's. ok well on with the show... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "I hope, hope that it lasts. Give in, forget the past. Be strong when things fall apart. Honest, this breaks my heart."- Blink 182 "Please Take Me Home" Three hours later I was laying on 4 plastic, hard, airport chairs, waiting for Jen's plain to arrive. I had been there sense 7 this morning when I left my house. I didn't know where else to go to just be alone other than the beach. But it's summer and tourists are everywhere. So that's how I ended up here staring at the ceiling. At the moment I was counting how many spitballs were stuck up there. (14) How many cracked tiles (8) and how many spiders I could see (2). I got bored, that and there was nothing else to count. What to do, what to do. All I wanted was something that made me think and not let my mind wonder. I decided sleeping would be a good idea; sense I woke up kinda early. I had just closed my eyes when I heard someone start yelling across the airport. "Ryan! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you man!" the man yelled running over to me. I slowly opened one eye and saw a red faced Justin staring back at me. "Josh called me like an hour ago crying, saying you left in a huff and didn't know where you went. He's really worried about you dude." Justin continued sitting down in one of the chairs next to me. I sat up in one of the chairs and opened my other eye. "Crying?" I asked surprised. After what he told me this morning I was surprised, very surprised. "Yeah. What happened?" He answered looking at me pleadingly. "Josh didn't tell you?" I asked again. Hello, I'm starting to sound like a broken record here, just answer the stupid question already. "No. And stop answering my questions." J replied. He had this annoyed look on his face that in almost any other circumstance would be amusing. "Sorry." I said as I closed my eyes again, and leaned against the back of the chair. "What happened?" Justin asked once more, this time more demanding than the last. "Do you remember what we did last night?" I asked opening my eyes to look at him. I could tell he was taken back by my question because he gave me this 'you seriously have problems' look. "Yeah, we drank a few beers. What does that have to do with anything?" He questioned obviously not getting where I was heading with this. I swear he must be mentally blonde or something. "I'd say we had more than a few." I smiled. "Ok we got drunk. But what does that have to do with anything?" He asked again. I could tell he was getting frustrated with me taking my time telling the story. Oh the power. "Everything. After you left, I don't remember much except Josh and I slept together." I told him. He had this look on his face like someone had told him Elvis had come back form the dead, eyebrows raised and eyes huge. "Oh," was all Justin said as he sat there with the same, unchanging expression. "So this morning I wake up this morning with one of the worst hangovers of mankind. And Josh says he has something he has to tell me. And I was like I couldn't have been that bad and he's like I'm trying to be serious here. And then he tells me..." I started but Justin finished for me. "About Bobbie." "Is that her name?" I asked fairly amused. He chose a girl with a guy's name. Funny, either that or really ironic. "Yeah. I figured that's what happened, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions." J sighed, slumping down in his chair. "Could've fooled me. They look on you're face, you'd think you just found out they made coffee illegal or something." I half smiled. I am so pathetic. "I was just surprised Josh would do something like that." He replied as he straitened up, just to hunch over again and put his elbows on his knees with his head in his hands. "You know what's funny?" I asked several minutes later when I figured I had given him enough time to soak in the new information. "What?" Juju asked looking at me for the first time in minuets, instead of a patch of tile on the floor "I wouldn't sleep with my boy friend of 4 years, but I went and lost my virginity to a guy I've known for 4 days." I laughed. "You're a virgin?" Justin yelled. Causing quite a few people to stop and stare at us. "Was. And next time say it a little louder will, I don't think the whole island heard ya." I said sarcastically. "Practicing lines for a play." I told the passer-byers. "Sorry. You were a virgin? Does Josh know?" He asked blushing a little and lowering his voice. "No." I replied shaking my head, and sighing for the 50 billionth time this morning. "Why not? Don't you think he has a right to know?" J said raising his eyebrows. "To a certain extent. But do you think it would have made a difference?" I asked him raising my eyebrows at him. "Probably not." Justin agreed. "Know what else?" I asked. "Now what? You're secretly dieing or something?" Justin asked throwing his hands up exaggeratedly. "No, but don't even joke about that, it's not funny." I corrected. That always struck a nerve with me when people joked about death. I thought death was something not to be taken lightly, but apparently I was the only one. "Sorry, that was bitchy." "No it's ok, you're right. But what is it?" he said softly. "I broke up with my ex because he cheated on me. Now Josh is cheating on Bobbie with me. Talk about irony." I laughed again. "Jesus Ry, is there anything else? Are you in love with Josh too?" he asked exasperated. "One, don't use the Lord's name in vain, and two no. I just met the dude 4 days, 2 hours and 15 minutes ago." I answered. (*ok sorry if you don't believe in God or you believe in a different God, but I had to throw it in there. It's a pet peeve of mine, sorry. I don't mean any harm*) "Sorry again. But why wouldn't you sleep with your ex?" Justin asked sheepishly. "Because at the time it just didn't feel right and I kept telling him I wasn't ready, or we didn't need the sex part of our relationship because we had so many other great things going for us, or I didn't want to yet. Now I see I just didn't want to with him." I answered, sighing again. Why did I keep sighing? 'Cause it keeps you from crying' the sensible side kicked in. where were you last night when I needed you? Great now your talking to yourself again you freak. "Why was he ugly or something?" Justin asked interested. Why? I have no idea. "No, not at all. It's just...I wanted it to be special, you know soft music and vanilla candles, rose petals, silk sheets, the guy just to hold me afterwards and whisper 'I love you' in my ear. I'm hopelessly romantic so I wanted the whole shebang. But hey a one-night stand's pretty close right?" I laughed feebly, and attempting a smile. But it obviously didn't look very convincing judging by his next question. "How can you joke about that? Doesn't it hurt knowing your dreams gone?" he asked amazed. I hadn't really thought of it from that point yet, but hey its true I guess. "Yeah it hurts, hurts like hell to tell you the truth." I replied softly, closing my eyes. I was becoming a walking clich‚ and I was beginning to hate me for it. "Then how come you're acting like it doesn't?" he question. Why did he care? I've known him what 24 hours and he already is acting like my best friend. "Because if I don't let myself get too close it doesn't hurt as much, and if I do get to close I use humor and sarcasm as my defense, it kinda numbs the pain. Didn't you take psyche in college?" I replied. I learned a long time ago, it's easier to not get to close and not feel then to get close to someone and get hurt. "I haven't gone to college yet. But how can you just not feel? Don't you let anyone in? Don't you want to be loved, love someone?" He asked. "It's not easy, I'll tell you that. I've only let 3 people in the last 10 years. It took Jen almost a year; Seth it took 6 months; and Josh it took 4 days." I answered; I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. You're such a damn sap Ry I swear. "Why? Why don't you want to be close to anyone? Isn't love worth the risk?" he said utterly confused. Why does he care????????? I screamed. The guy doesn't even know me, why does he care how I feel? He didn't sleep with me! He didn't break my heart! Wait back it up, Josh broke my heart? Nah, I'm still not over Seth yet...yeah that's it. That has to be it. I can't have falling in love with Josh, I haven't even known him a week! Then how long does it take to fall in love? So shut up already. "No. What would happen if I do let myself fall for Josh? Hum? He has a girl friend. He would give her up for me, and then I would just get my heart broken. So you see it's just a lot easier to not get to close to anyone." I replied, trying my best not to let those damn tears fall. I was trying to convince myself of what I said just as much, if not more than Justin. "Do you even know who I am?" he asked after a few minutes of silence. "Justin, Why?" I guessed. How blonde did he think I was? I mean I've known the guy a whole day, and he told me that was his name. "Justin, J, Juju, they all work." He said lifting his head from its resting place in his hands. He seemed to do that a lot. Just like you sigh a lot, bog who-dee-doo. There's my sensible side again, I wish it would just shut up already. "But so does Justin Timberlake, J. Timberlake, or Justin Timberlake of *NSYNC." As soon as he said that I felt like the stupidest person alive. Of course he is, duh the baby blue eyes are the dead give away. Then a thought struck me and I fell off the chair I was sitting in. "So that means..."I said finally realizing where he was going with it. "That Josh is Josh, Josh Chasez, Joshua Scott Chasez, J.C. Chasez, J.C., or J.C. Chasez of *N SYNC." Justin filled in. I closed my eyes and sucked in deep breath. After a few minutes I had my walls back up and could talk again. "Can I have your autograph?" I asked with my eyes still closed. "What?" he laughed. If I wasn't me that would have sounded weird I admitted to myself, considering the situation. "Because the little girls in my class are in love with you and they would adore me if I got your autograph and hung it in my classroom." I explained. "Sure, you gotta pen?" he smiled. I was glad for the change of topic, anything to get me from thinking of Josh. "Not on me. But I'm sure Jen will." I answered remembering why I was at the airport in the first place. "Is she the one your waiting for? What time's her flight getting in?" Justin asked curiously. "4pm" I replied opening my eyes. "4? And you've been here sense when?" he asked stunned. "Um I don't know about 7? Why what time is it?" I asked looking up at him. What's the big deal? It's only like 9 right? 2 hours isn't that long to be sitting alone by yourself in an airport. "Nearly 12 dude. Come one let's get some lunch. Maybe they'll have a pen in one of the restaurants." He suggested. Ok so I was a little off. 2, 5 same diff. "Sure." I replied standing up and stretching. "But I would rather get a cup o' Joe. I have a major headache." "No prob. I could go for one right about now too." He agreed as we walked towards the Starbucks on the corner. Hey I wasn't thinking about Josh just then! 'Now you are,' oh shut the hell up you stupid good for nothing sensible side! I really should trade mine in a get a new one. Hum I wonder where Cindy Brandy's is now...