Date: Sat, 27 May 2000 04:41:06 EDT
From: BCSN24@aol.com
Subject: What Happened - Chapter 8

This story is not intended for anyone under 18. If this is prohibited in
your state, do not read it. This is my first time writing a story of this
subject, so please be gentle. I would love feedback! This story does not
mean to imply anything about the sexuality of the Backstreet boys or anyone
else in the story! This is purely fictional.

I am female, so the I don't have first-hand experience of male-to-male
sex. I hope it turned out O.K.

One last thing, I want to thank the author of `Magic can be real'. He has
helped me out. Check out his story, it's one of my favorite. Also, the
authors of `Changes' . I really appreciate it. I consider these, some of
the best authors on Nifty, so it means a lot.

I know it's been a while, but here's chapter 8. It's not as long as I would
like, but it's all that came out. Thanks to anyone who wrote me, I
appreciate it. Now, without further Ado.


Last time on What  Happened:

AJ called Brian to tell him he was O.K., but not to try to find him. He
told Brian he meant it when he said he loved him. AJ had a small break down
after watching what happened between him and Aaron on MTV.

Kevin and Nick got back together and Nick told Kevin he was glad the group
was over. He wanted to do something else, but isn't sure what. Kevin became
worried about keeping Nick and his career. Nick slapped Aaron and told him
to leave.

Aaron was upset that they were messing up his career. He went to management.

Howie and Jenn met with Jive records about the band.

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Now on with the story!

What Happened
Chapter-8


AJ sat tapping his fingers against the oak desk as he waited for the Doctor
to appear. He had finally decided on someone to talk to about his
breakdowns. This doctor came highly recommended from his previous
therapist. She was well known in the industry as the one who kept her mouth
shut. She had helped many in the business over the course of her 5 year
practice.  Most of her patience were the young actors and musicians. She
could sympathize, as she was only 27 herself. The patients felt more
comfortable, knowing they were talking to someone with the same thoughts.
"Sorry for keeping you waiting Mr. Mclean, I had to make a stop for a
patient." AJ spun around at the sound of the voice, he gave a faint smile
at the pretty doctor.  "That's O.K........please call me Alex." His eyes
followed her as she made her way to her seat.  She wasn't what he expected,
5'6, jet black hair to her shoulders and big blue eyes. She looked more
like a model than a therapist. "Well then, Alex it is. I'm Dr. Ashton."
"It's nice to meet you." "I thought we'd start out with a little about
yourself, is that O.K.?"  She smiled, meeting AJ's hesitant eyes. "
Well.... I guess you already know about the band." She nodded her head with
understanding. AJ let out a long breath as he continued, " The band is
over...because of me.  We've been together for 12 years, since I was 15. I
pretty much grew up in the band, they became the family I always
wanted. .....My parents got divorced when I was 4 and I stayed with my
mom. I didn't see my dad again until I was 18." His fingers grip the sleeve
of his shirt, building the courage to go on. "I'm an only child. My mom had
twin girls, but they died at birth.  I was lonely growing up with no one to
play with. When I got into acting and dancing that only made it worst. The
little friends I had, I lost because I didn't have any time for them." He
stopped as the feelings rushed over him, putting him back into his
childhood.  "You can stop if you want, I just want some background
information." She opened his folder searching for AJ's progress reports. "
I've read some of the reports Dr. Mckay did on you in Florida. I understand
he has you on medication . Does it seem to help with your fits?" AJ looked
down into his lap, playing with his fingers. "A little....I've still been
having the attacks, but there not as frequent as before." Dr. Ashton wrote
down the new information and tried to get AJ more comfortable. "Is it
O.K. if we talk about the fits for a minute?" AJ kept his eyes in his lap,
"Yeah... I guess so."  "How long have you been experiencing them?" AJ
tentatively looked up and met her eyes. She gave him a reassuring smile,
urging him to open up. "About 4 years. They started slowly, just getting
angry, screaming at people.....they would build until I would start
destroying things. I can't tell you how many hotel rooms I've trashed
during one of these episodes." The doctor shook her head to show she
understood. "How long did they last?" AJ let out a slow breath, "Most would
last about fifteen to twenty minutes. Some were smaller, about ten. I'd
always start out with just anger and then they would escalate." "What was
going through your mind when they started or when you felt your body
react?" He sat thinking about all the times he had blew up. All the anger
that built during the moments before he lost it. He thought about the
situations he was in at the time. Aaron had always been a factor, but there
was always something else going on during the time. Unexplained feelings
would come to the surface as Aaron pushed him over the edge. He would pile
these emotions with what Aaron was doing and they would all come out at
once. They consumed his whole body and mind. Nothing was in his mind, but
doing something about this. All he could think of was doing something to
the person who was hurting him. He couldn't let them get away with it, he
had to let them know how angry he was.  "Alex....are you O.K." Dr. Ashton
made her way to AJ's seat. She slowly squeezed his shoulder.  AJ came out
of his trance at the touch of her hand. "..What.." He said oblivious to
everything around him. "I said are you O.K., your crying." He ran his hands
along his cheeks as he noticed the tears. "I...I ..have to go, sorry." He
shot from the chair and headed towards the door. "I understand, but can I
see you in a few days." She didn't want to push him any further than he
wanted, but she didn't want him to stop coming. "I will call you later, I
just can't right now."  She shook her head in understanding. He turned to
the door and stepped into the hall. "Here is my cell number, if you need me
call." Dr. Ashton handed him a slip of paper.  AJ took the slip and put it
in his pocket. "Thanks Dr. Ashton." She put her hand on his shoulder, "
Call me O'brien, and please don't hesitate to call if you need me." "I'll
do that."  He smiled slowly and headed down the hall. As he reached his
car, he broke down in tears. He had never thought about the other feelings
he had before, what did they mean?


                Kevin stared at his lover as the blonde scurried around the
room. Nick was packing for their trip in two days. They decided to take a
break from the business and just relax. The break-up had put strain on
everyone. No one knew what was going to happen to the band, if there still
was a band. The record company put out the word that the tour was on hiatus
due to personal conflicts. Nick moved in with Kevin at the brunette's
request. After that day with Aaron, Nick had become distant and
reserved. He was visibly pulling away from the relationship. Kevin planned
the break as a chance to reconnect. Maybe they could make some real
plans. Nick just wanted out of the band, but he didn't know where he was
headed. Kevin has always been a person of discipline and order. He needed
to know what was going to happen, he needed that security. Nick was a big
factor in that, now that they were back together, but he wasn't getting any
imput. He couldn't get Nick to open up and he was tired of trying. Kevin
offered his guest room as a computer room for Nick, who cherished his
space.  Nick was a private person, he didn't want to take that away from
him. He didn't want to push after everything that has happened. Kevin knew
something was really bothering his lover, but couldn't do anything about
it. Nick sighed and took a seat next to his man on the bed.  He was
exhausted from the jog he took today to clear his head. Kevin wrapped his
arms around him, pulling him close to his chest. He buried his face in the
blonde's golden locks, reveling in the sweet scent of his man.  "Baby are
you O.K.?" Another sigh." I'm fine Kev....", came the quick reply. Another
sigh, this time from him. He was frustrated, but he needed to know what was
bothering his lover.  Kevin laid small kisses along the blonde's neck,
wrapping his arms tighter around him. He continued his trek, landing on
those sensual lips. Nick gave in, kissing the brunette back. They stayed
locked in each others embrace, their mouths moving, deeping the kiss.
Kevin ran his tongue along the blonde's lips asking for entry. He pushed
the plump lips apart, tasting the honey scented insides of Nick's
mouth. Their tongues thrashing against the other's, trying to fill the warm
space. The kiss was slowly picking up heat, both sucking on anything in the
way.  Nick pulled Kevin's head further into the kiss. He ran his tongue
along the brunette's teeth.  Kevin's hands found their way under Nick's
shirt, feeling the soft skin underneath. They trailed down his sides and
started to lower them to the bed. In the past two and a half weeks since
they got back together, they had yet to make love.  Nick always found an
excuse to stop them, this wouldn't be an exception. He pulled away from the
intense kiss. "Kev can we just go eat?"  Kevin let out a large sigh, "
what's wrong Nick? The day we got back together you were fine, so what's
the problem?" Nick got up from the bed and headed toward the bathroom, "I'm
going to change for dinner." Kevin threw his hands up as the door
closed. This is how it's been for the last two weeks, one minute Nick was
fine, the next he pulled away. When they agreed to take a break, Kevin
thought it would be a good idea to get them back on track. Now he wasn't so
sure.  The waiter came over to take their order. Nick ordered the chicken
parmesan and Kevin the chicken and wild rice. The waiter refilled their
drinks and left their table to retrieve the orders.  Nick sat idly running
his finger over the top of his wine glass as the silence between them
stretched on. Kevin reached across the table and grabbed his hand.  "Nick
will you just tell me what's wrong?" Nick meets his lovers eyes with
reservation. "Kev...please don't lie to me....did you really want to quit
the group?" Kevin was taken aback by the blunt question. "Nick you know I
support you completely..." "That's not what I asked, did you do this just
for me?" Kevin thought about the question. "In a way....yeah I guess I
did. I don't necessarily want to be in the group, but I'm not ready to give
up what the band has given me." Nick withdrew his hand and took a minute to
digest this new information, this was what he was afraid of.  The waiter
came back with their meals and made his exit to his other tables. Kevin
started to eat, but Nick still had things to say. He needed to put a stop
to it now, " Pooh bear...I've been thinking. I think it would be a good
idea for us to......break up." Kevin's head shot up at this new revelation.
"WHAT.", he looked at his lover in disbelief. "I just don't want to hold
you back baby. I know you still want this, I can see it in your eyes. You
gave up a lot for me....and I wouldn't feel right about ......", he trailed
off. Kevin's face hardened in anger. "Are you sure that's all it is?" Kevin
said with a frown, staring right at his lover. Nick looked up with a start,
"What do you mean..."  "Are you sure its ME your worried about holding
back." Kevin kept the edge in his voice, never breaking the intense stare
between them. Nick looked at him in shock, "now wait a minute..."  "No you
wait a minute! You tell me how you want a new life and you don't want to be
in the band anymore. Then out of the blue, you want to break up! Who are
you really worried about holding back, NICHOLAS." Kevin could see the hurt
on Nick's face, but he didn't back down.  He needed to know for sure. Nick
eyes meet the table as he absorbed the meaning of the words.  They were
silent for a moment, until Kevin got tired of it. "Say SOMETHING", he
demanded of his boyfriend. Nick lifted his head with a mixture of anger and
pain across his face. " How could you even ask me that? You know how I feel
about you." "Actually, I don't", Kevin shot back. "I know you want out of
the band, you want to go to school, maybe get a house and settle down,
maybe even start a solo career. What I don't know, is whether any of these
things include me."  Nick couldn't believe his ears, how could Kevin think
he didn't want him. The waiter came over to ask them if they could keep it
down. The pair didn't realize how loud they had become. Kevin got up from
his seat and threw some money on it, "I don't think I'm hungry anymore."
Nick watched with a heavy heart as his man left the restaurant. `I guess we
will be needing that extra room', he thought as he paid his half and left.


The low sound of a guitar filtered through the speakers. " I need the
acceptance...." Brian was listening to the solo tracks he's been working
on.  They were more along the lines of Soft Rock than Pop music. He
continued his guitar lessons over the years and was good enough to play for
himself. So far he has written 12 songs he wants to record. Now all he
needs is a back-up band. "Are you really here..." He strummed his guitar
along to the prerecorded tracks, making revisions to the sheet music. He
was determined to finish this album with or without the band. Working kept
his mind off of A.J., but not completely.  A couple songs ventured towards
his love when he wasn't on guard. Most of the music told of his faith and
his love of a woman. He wasn't entirely ready to open himself up to the
public.  He wasn't sure how they would take the new sound, but he had to do
it for his own sanity. The way his life was going had to stop. He was tired
of sitting around waiting for the record company to do something. It's been
two weeks since the band split and everybody's keeping to themselves.
Kevin and Nick left for The Keys, Aaron joined Nsync and Howies trying to
be an actor. It's also been two weeks since A.J. called. At first, it was
the only thing Brian could think about.  He was so worried about him. The
last time AJ called he'd just had one of his fits and he was still looking
for someone to talk to. Brian was hurt, but he knew AJ needed time. He
would give him that time, but he was tired of putting his life on hold for
it. The one bright spot was his music.  He had complete control over it
. He kept the song going as his mind wondered to the unplanned meeting he
had last night. A meeting with someone who was willing to give the new
sound a listen. Someone that would play an important factor later.


I wonder whose the person Brian meets? What's going on with Nick. What
happened to Howie?  I want to thank everyone one who wrote to me, I
appreciate it. I'm the only one who thinks my writing sucks, LOL. I'm
working on the next chapter and I hope it will turn out longer than this
one. Thanks for reading.

Mail Me : BCSN24@aol.com