Date: Mon, 9 Jul 2001 21:01:02 EDT
From: FourHim821@aol.com
Subject: Re: "While you loved me" by Mandi Part Three

Part Three
"The Wedding"

    They managed to talk Justin into waiting one more day, otherwise not
everyone would be able to attend, and they needed more of a twenty-four hour
notice anyway.    So Justin just agreed and decided that he needed to get
Nick  a gift of some sorts.  Justin wanted Nick to live after he died, he
wanted him to be happy, wanted him to be able to find love again, this kind
of love they had.  He knew that they say you only have one soul mate, but if
your one soul mate dies, that doesn't mean that you should suffer, and be
lonely for the rest of your life.  So he begged his mom to take him somewhere
to get him a gift, but he didn't know what to give him, not a thing.  On
their way he sat in the car thinking, really  hard, about what to get Nick,
and managed to make his head hurt, a little, nothing compared to the way it
normaly hurt, but enough for aspirin.

    "So, what are you going to get him?" Lynn asked looking at her son,
trying to act as normal as she could, knowing this could be her last time
alone with him, ever again.
    "I don't know, what do you think?" he questioned.
    "I really don't think he wants anything material, he'd just be happy if
you didn't leave him." the words were out of his mouth before she could stop
them, and regretted them instantly.
    "Well obviously he can't have that, but I just don't know, I really don't
know."
    "I have an idea...mom help me find the prettiest picture frame....big
enough so I can have it inscribed......."

    With Justin knowing what he wanted to do, he quickly got it together, and
wrapped it up and hid it in his room, where he knew Nick wouldn't find it.
Justin usually sat in his room, when Nick wasn't there, and tried to reverse
the roles, like he was losing Nick in a few months.  To know what was really
going on inside his head, and not what he says is going on.  What he is
really worried about, and if he can move on, would he be able to move on
himself if he lost Nick?  He eventually decided that he would have to, it
wasn't a choice, it was survival, he had to move on, even if, to him, there
was nothing to live for.  He tired himself out thinking, and rolled over and
slipped into a deep sleep.

******DOWNSTAIRS********
    Nick had just finished his song, at first he wasn't ever going to let
anyone else read it, let alone hear him sing it.  But when Justin wanted to
move up the wedding date, he knew that the boy knew something he didn't.  He
didn't plan on singing the song at his wedding, but knew that he had to do it
for Justin, and this was a good a day as any.  He quickly wiped his tears, as
everyone else around him had already done and put the guitar away, and headed
to his office to make some calls.  He couldn't face anyone ever after he
performed one of his songs, and now especially, since he couldn't get the
tears to stop falling.

******THE NEXT DAY******
    Nick was up early the next morning, not being able to sleep much without
Justin beside him.  They had agreed to not see eachother since Justin's
annoucement, and it was starting to take it's toll.  When he heard frantic
sounds coming from his bedroom, he decided that that vow needed to be broken.
 He ran down the hall, needle already in hand, and opened the door.  Justin
was in the fetal position, holding his head moaning Nick's name.  He quickly
ran over to him and wrapped his arms around him as he drove the needle in.
Justin instantly  relaxed in Nick's arms, ignoring the sudden sharp pain in
his arm, and fell back asleep.  Nick simply threw it away, kissed Justin on
the head, and walked out the door.

    Things started to get in full swing after Justin woke up, flowers being
put together, people arriving, chairs being set up, cake
arriving....everything seemed to be in an orgainzed chaos.  Soon, there was
barely thirty minutes until the ceremony, and Nick was sitting in front of
his mother and father.

    "I'm so proud of you Nick, I know this is going to be the happiest, yet
saddest moment in your life, but, just know that I will be here for you, and
your father,and Lynn, Paul, and all of them.  Know that your never really
alone."
    "I know mom, and I'm ready for it, but don't want it to happen. I just
don't know if I can  move on, Justin wants me to fall in love again, but I
don't know if I can."
    "Just do what your heart tells you."
    "But I gave it to Justin, I can't give my heart."
    "Then, do whatever makes you happy."
    "This makes me happy."
    "Then do it."
    "Thanks mom."
    "Your welcome Nick, I love you, now go marry your boyfriend....never
thought I would say that....but hey...go marry Justin." she said laughing.

    Justin sat there, as his mother dressed him, and talked to him about the
ceremony at the same time.  That's when Justin realized that he wanted his
mother to deliver the package to Nick before hand.  He reminded her and she
made sure he was okay, and headed across the hall.  She placed the package on
the floor, and knocked on the door, and quickly went back into the other
room.  She resumed fixing Justin, and as she finished tears came to her eyes,
she quickly saw a flash of her little boy in front of her, saw the little
blue eyes full of fear as she caught him when he cut his curls off his head.
She saw his eyes fill with hope when they called  him asking him to be on the
Mickey Mouse Club.  Saw worry, when he told his parents they were never going
to have a daughter-in-law, as he explained his sexuality.  Saw his eyes fill
with tears, pain, and sorrow, as he was told he only had five more months
with his friends and family, with Nick.      He flashed his trademark smile,
and she wrapped her arms around him, not knowing that she only had one other
time left.........

    Nick heard a knock at his door, and got up to answer it, not seeing
anyone there he was getting ready to shut the door when he saw a package on
the ground, addressed to him, in Justin's handwriting.  He quickly picked up
the package and tore into it while closing the door and sitting on the couch.
 His parents had left to take their seats about five minutes ago, so he was
alone.  He moved off the paper to reveal a picture frame, and felt tears come
to his eyes.  On the frame itself was an inscription that went all the way
around the frame a couple of times....reading it he realized what it was.
Circling the frame was Jusitn's vows, and the picture was of their first
date, and written on the back of the frame was....
"I've loved you forever...in lifetimes before" JRT.

    Nick heard the knock on his door to warn him that it was almost time.
Nick tucked the frame back into the box and wiped the stray tears off his
face, as he prepared himself for the hardest thing he had to do, keep himself
from kissing Justin for such a thoughtful present.  He got situated outside
of the doors, waiting for his dad to tell him that Justin was already out
there and for him to  join him.  Nick quickly got situated up front , waiting
for the preacher to start, he said the usual as Nick looked at Justin, and
Justin looked at Nick.  Soon enough it was time for the vows, even though
Nick knew Justin's, he didn't think he could hold back the tears hearing
Justin say them himself.

    "Nick I couldn't imagine what your feeling right now, hopefully it's near
what I'm feeling.  I just wanted you to know that after this morning, I've
felt no pain, I've been in complete happiness.  I could never tell you how
much you've changed my life, or how much you are of it.  Don't ever doubt
once, while I'm gone, that I don't still love you, I will always love you, no
matter where I am know I'm still here"...he said pointing to Nick's heart and
head."I will never truly leave you, I'll always be here, and will love you
always."

    Nick took a deep breath and opened his mouth, and the words that came out
weren't what he planned.  Instead of waiting till the ceremoney afterward
(They weren't throwing a party....Justin wouldn't have enjoyed himself.), he
got up, and grabbed the guitar.

    "Justin, I did write vows, but I think the song I wrote will encompus
everything I've ever wanted to say, or ever want to say to you, I love you
Justin."

He started the melody out on the guitar as the church became silent.....

"If I ever write the story of my life
Don't be surprised if you're where it begins
I'd have to dedicate every line on every page
To the memories we made, while you loved me

Chorus
I was born the day you kissed me
And I'll die inside the night you leave me
But I lived, oh how I lived
While you loved me

I'd start with chapter one
Love innocent and young
As the sun on a new day
Even though I know the end, well I'd do it all again
Cause I got a lifetime in while you loved me

I was born the day you kissed me
And I'll die inside the night you leave me
But I lived, oh how I lived
I lived....while you loved...me"

Nick was in tears as he finished, as was everyone else in the church, knowing
the meaning behind the words.  Justin reached for Nick, not having to reach
far, and held him close.  To Justin it was closure, in a way, he knew Nick
was happy now, and because he was happy now, he'd make it through when he
wasn't so happy.  Justin knew how much he loved Nick , and how much Nick
loved him, and if he couldn't bring himself to love anyone again, he loved
Justin enough to last a lifetime.........and it did.

***"While you loved me" written by: Kim Williams, Marty Dodson, and Danny
Wells. Performed by: Rascal Flatts.