Written by: TVM (firstname.lastname@example.org)
** Disclaimer: This story is purely fantasy and is based on the fictional life of real celebrities. The events portrayed in this series (although I wish) are not an accurate depiction of the star and or stars real lives. Any reposting or archiving without written permission is an infringement on the copyright of this series. So in other words You damn well better ask before you steal it.**
Starring: Jamie Lynn Spears & Alexa Nikolas
Guest Starring: Britney Spears
"This sounds weird I know, but...I hope Jamie Lynn and Alexa get back together" Summer commented as she sat beside me on the couch as the final credits for 'Cumming Out: Hawaiian Style' rolled and the screen split in two and we saw the replay of last week's mind numbing events on 'The Jamie Lynn Spears 'FUCK YOU' Show' as she pleaded with Alexa not to leave. Which pretty much confirmed what we already knew in the first place, that Jamie Lynn was first in love with Hayden Panettiere but now feels the same about the uber hot Alexa Nikolas. Strange thing is, we opened at exactly the moment at which we had closed the last episode. Jamie Lynn chasing after Alexa as they exited the building into the parking lot. Suddenly the film stopped and the 'The Jamie Lynn Spears 'FUCK YOU' Show' logo appeared and then fell away with a screen shaking thump. The voice of the announcer 'Doc Evans' being heard as we saw a frozen scene on the screen, "Well ladies, gentleman, homeless people an d shut ins welcome to an all new episode of The Jamie Lynn Spears FUCK YOU show, tonight we pick up exactly where we left off last week. With me providing some color commentary for your listening enjoyment."
"I'm begging you to stop, PLEASE" Jamie Lynn screamed as the scene started over again and she begged Alexa to stop on the other side of the parking lot. Jamie Lynn walking to meet her when she was nearly struck by a tire screeching fire red Corvette as it jetted into the parking lot and stopped in front of her. Jamie Lynn stumbling back and falling roughly to the ground and grabbing her arm as Alexa looked on in horror.
"JAMIE LYNN NOOOOOOO!"
"YOU ALMOST RAN ME DOWN YOU PSYCHO BITCH" Jamie Lynn screamed at the car. Alexa arriving by her side and slumping to the ground as Jamie smiled up at her.
"Don't worry folks the tanned princess is OK" Doc announced. "Do you actually think we'd show you this if she got mangled?"
"Are you OK?"
"Yesss, I'm fine, please will you listen to me?" Jamie Lynn asked as she touched Alexa's arm and saw Alexa half smile. "Please for two minutes? Let me show you what we just got done taping. Please?"
"Maybe..." Alexa said as the camera pulled back and to almost every ones shock, out popped the infamous older sister of Jamie Lynn, Britney. Looking particularly hot but severely pissed off as she slammed the door to her Corvette and marched around to the front of the car.
"God you are such a tit, get up" Britney spat. "As for you, I'm sick of you leading my slut sister around by the nose."
"As Dakota Fanning said, they are not sluts they are porn stars you baby factory" Doc said as me and Summer laughed.
"Huh? What did I do?" Alexa asked as she helped a stunned Jamie Lynn to her feet.
"You and that whore Mackenzie Rosman are the two who convinced her to become a dyke" Britney said. "I should have beat your ass that day on the set like Jamie Lynn wanted me too."
"Liar, liar, panties on fire" Doc said, "If she's wearing panties that is."
"What? Brit, nooo, you know thats a lie you bitch" Jamie Lynn said finally.
"You wanted her to beat me up?"
"NOOOOOO, she's lying like always" Jamie Lynn said as tears came down her face. Jamie Lynn getting to her feet and hugging Alexa as tight as she could and then with both of her hands on Alexa's cheeks, making the girl look at her. "I love you. She is lying."
"See I told you she was lying folks" Doc announced.
"You love her?" Britney asked. "Oh god Jamie, have you lost your mind? She's just using you to get her worthless ass on TV and you're too stupid to realize that. You fired her for a reason, she don't have any talent."
"SHUT UP, STOP LYING" Jamie Lynn raged at her sister. "You know I had nothing to do with her being fired."
"You're the title star dumbass and you didn't have her fired?" Britney asked with a smug smile. "You must think she's dumber than she looks."
"OK, I did, but I'm trying to make up for it..." Jamie Lynn said as she trailed off and went silent. Britney smiling smugly.
"Making up for it yeh, but you're still in love with Hayden" Alexa said.
"Nooo, not anymore" Jamie Lynn said with pleading eyes. "Michelle helped me realize what was up. I'm into Hayden anymore. I'm into you now."
"Oh god dyke drama, make me hurl" Britney said as she glared at the two of them.
"I hate you" Jamie Lynn said in her sisters direction. "You are one pathetic bitch. Can't keep her own career going so you gotta try and ruin mine."
"Me pathetic? You're the porn star now" Britney said. "Couldn't make it on Cumming Out because of that ego, so you gotta get your own series. And it sucks so bad my TIVO refused to tape it."
"What's TIVO?" Doc asked, "I'm so out of the loop huh?"
"You probably think your TIVO takes tapes blondy" Alexa said as she turned and faced Britney. Jamie Lynn laughing and hugging her co-host proudly from behind. "You can't even keep your panties on going to the bank. We get naked but we do it cause we get paid too. The only people paying you is that pimp bitch Kevin."
"That was a good one Lexa" Jamie Lynn said as she laughed.
"Fuck you no talent" Britney raged at Alexa. "She's just using you to get ratings. Stupid whore."
"I realize being from hillbilly, Arkansas and completely uneducated is a problem for you..." Alexa said, "...but it's Jamie Lynn's name in the title not mine. So I'm pretty sure they are tuning into see her and not me. But I could be wrong."
"I will destroy you, just like I did before" Britney said, "I know people."
"You come after her now and you gonna go through me" Jamie Lynn said as she stepped in front of her sister. "You can tell Mom that too. I'm doing my own thing and I wanna fuck girls on TV for a living it's my damn business."
"Like anyone is watching" Britney said.
"Number two show on all of cable" Jamie Lynn said as Alexa smiled smugly from behind her. "The advertisers are begging for space, the guests are lining up and Hayden is having a shit fit cause I'm more popular than her now."
"That's all you ever worry about huh?" Alexa asked as Jamie Lynn closed her eyes and turned to meet her co-hosts not so adoring gaze. "What Hayden thinks, huh?"
"She's already admitted she's in love with her" Britney said. "Little Alexa is just a stand in cause she can't have the hot blond she's dying for."
"One more word and I will smack the baby fat off you" Jamie Lynn said as she glared at Britney for a long moment and then turned back to a clearly hurt Alexa. "If you'll just give me five minutes to explain what's up, I will and not scream at me. Please? In private."
"We'll be right back" Doc said as the scene froze once again at that critical moment and 'The Jamie Lynn Spears "FUCK YOU" Show' logo appeared and we headed to the break for a long torture filled four minutes of mindless commercials. Me thinking briefly how this show was totally different than most of the celeb fuck fest airing on Taboo, this one seriously had a reality bend to it. Which to me is something refreshing in that it's not all sex all the time. You actually get to see Jamie Lynn's life or what she wants you to see of it play out on screen. A novel twist if you asked me. The brainless commercials finally ended and again 'The Jamie Lynn Spears 'FUCK YOU' Show' logo appeared and we hear Doc's voice, "Welcome back, so I'm taking bets, do you think Jamie Lynn and Alexa should tag team the skank in the hot Corvette?"
"He's nuts" Summer giggled from beside me. The scene on the screen picking up exactly where it left off of before the break.
"What's the use Jamie Lynn? I already made it clear how I feel about this" Alexa said. "I want you all to myself not you with me because you can't have the one you want."
"Five minutes is all I need" Jamie Lynn said with a smile, "Please?"
"I think I'm gonna cry..." Doc said as he pretended to do just that.
"Alexa, how many times are you gonna let her fuck you over with this shit?" Britney asked. "She got you fired once and now she's using you for ratings."
"SHUT UP" Jamie Lynn screamed in a rage as she turned and pushed her older sister back and stalked her back to the car. Alexa watching in shock and horror as her co-host pushed Britney against the car and was met by a body shaking slap to her cheek for her efforts. Jamie Lynn slumping to the ground and crying as she held her cheek and what looked to be her ear.
"Push me again you little slut dyke and see what happens" Britney said as she pulled Jamie Lynn to her feet by the hair and jerked her head to get her attention. "Someone needs to smack some sense into that blond airhead of yours and now you listening?"
"Let her go now" Alexa said as she drew the attention to her.
"Stay out of this or I'll deal with you now" Britney said as she pushed Jamie Lynn back to the ground and stalked towards a now terrified Alexa. Who covered up against the car as Britney grabbed her hair and jerked her head up. "Now you wanna say anything else?"
"You're gonna hurt her, please stop" Alexa said with pleading eyes as Britney shoved her head into the side of the car. Alexa crying as she slumped to the ground holding her head. Jamie Lynn getting to her feet and swinging wildly at her own sister and to my surprise she connected with a glancing blow to the back of Britney's head. Brit turned and blocked a second punch but couldn't stop the third one that was a haymaker from south Texas and landed squarely below her eye. Jamie swung again as Britney stumbled to the ground and grunted as Jamie Lynn fell on top of her with a thud. Jamie Lynn seemed to have lost it as she scrambled to her feet and slammed her fist into Britney's face with every muscle in her body behind it. Then swinging again as Britney covered up now. Alexa pulling Jamie Lynn off and dragging her away from the carnage.
"LET ME GO, SHE DESERVES THIS...I HATE YOU WHORE" Jamie Lynn screamed in her sisters direction as the camera angle switched to one from inside the studio's doors now as Alexa held onto Jamie Lynn for dear life. "I'm not taking her shit anymore, let me go, please."
"Calm down it's over" Alexa said as Jamie Lynn kicked violently at the door in anger. "Jamie it's me, calm down for me?"
"She's made my life a living hell for as long as I can remember" Jamie Lynn as she now cried. "She's a media whore with no clue what it means to be loved or be in love."
"I do" Alexa said with a smile as Jamie Lynn looked back at her. "It's true."
"I'm in love with you" Jamie Lynn said. "I'm gonna keep saying that till you believe it."
"You just kept me from getting hurt..." Alexa said with a smile. "...I guess you do care."
"Finally you're listening" Jamie Lynn said as she turned. "You gonna gimme some for defending you?"
"No" Alexa said as she kissed her as Jamie Lynn blushed. "Unless..."
"I get what I want" Alexa said and kissing her again softly on the lips.
"And what is it you want Sexy Lexa?" Jamie Lynn asked as Alexa wrapped the girl in her arms and slipped her hands down to Jamie Lynn's butt and squeezed her fingers into the soft flesh through the fabric of the girls shorts. "OH yeah, my butt?"
"MMMMMMMMMMMM that scene in Hayden's basement was uber hot" Alexa said as she kissed Jamie Lynn again. "Was it not?"
"I hate to admit it, but I loved it" Jamie Lynn said as she slipped her arms around Alexa's neck. "You gonna force me again?"
"Only if I'm really in control" Alexa said. "Whip cream, hand cuffs and a strap-on?"
"Yes please" Jamie Lynn said with a huge grin crossing her face. "Can we like turn the camera on and just have fun? You in control?"
"MMMMMMMMM" Alexa said as she nodded her head in agreement and kissed Jamie Lynn softly. "Now you said I was in control?"
"Yes my Sexi Lexa" Jamie Lynn said.
"Pull your shorts down and let me see that cute little ass my Tanned Princess" Alexa said as Jamie Lynn smiled knowingly and did as she was asked. Dropping her shorts to just below her ass cheeks and smiling as Alexa moved her hands to the soft smooth darkly tanned cheeks and squeezed them, then jumping when Alexa smacked it. "MMMMMMMM that's what I want."
"What the fuck?" Jamie Lynn asked in mock horror. "You're mean to me."
"Not right now" Alexa said as she kissed her. "Just a primer for later."
"Uh huh" Alexa said and then turning to the camera said, "You go away for a few minutes and then come back, I think it's time I show Jamie a thing or two."
That ending with 'The Jamie Lynn Spears "FUCK YOU" Show' logo rolling onto the screen and taking us to a another mindless commercial break, which prompts me to wonder why that stupid sun tan lotion, Panama Mac don't just sponsor the entire night instead of just one show. Anyway, about halfway through the four minutes of mind numbing drivel, we heard the announcers voice pop back on and say, "Coming up later on Taboo...Jansen and his camera chicky Savannah travel the world for another hot meeting in Jansen Panettiere Worldwide."
That of course being met with images of the series stars, Jansen Panettiere and Savannah Gipson, before we faded back into 'The Jamie Lynn Spears "FUCK YOU" Show' logo appeared once again and rolled off the screen as we again see Jamie and Alexa, now sitting on the couch of the old 'Cumming Out'/ new 'Jamie Lynn Show' set.
"Hey guys and welcome back" Jamie Lynn said as Alexa sat beside her. "Sorry about all the heavy drama..."
"Yeh they'd much rather see some heavy breathing I bet, huh folks?" Doc offered as Jamie Lynn groaned and Alexa tried to stifle a serious giggle.
"Shut...up" Jamie Lynn said in a very deliberate tone. "Anyway, I don't have time left for a guest this week or really anything else interesting so I wanna take this time to make a very personal appeal to one person..."
"Hayden are you listening?" Doc asked.
"SHUT UP THREE INCH COCK BOY" Jamie Lynn screamed.
"Sorry" Doc said in a sheepish tone.
"Look, Hayden, with the lawsuit and what I did with Jansen and the crap I caused with you and Mackenzie and even Kristen" Jamie Lynn said. "I want to apologize to you. So if you're watching, can you please call me? Same cell number or just come by."
"We need to get this settled" Alexa offered from beside her. "Right?"
"Right, cause now I wanna be with you and with her out of my life" Jamie Lynn said. "Is that what I needed to say? I hope it was right."
"You're trying so hard"
"I am, I am seriously in love with you" Alexa said. "No more games with Hayden or anyone related to her."
"And no more mouthing off?"
"Deal" Jamie Lynn said with a smile as she leaned in and kissed Alexa. Both smiled as they laced their fingers together.
"Soooooooooo beeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuutiful" Doc cried. "Like watching Casablanca without talented actors."
"Are you as sick of him as me?" Jamie Lynn asked Alexa as she nodded her head in agreement.
"Jamie sweety we both know I'm here to pride comic relief" Doc commented and then going into his used car salesman voice as he said. "Without me it'd be another celeb fuck fest like Cumming Out, Tuesdays at 8 by the way right before the Tanned Princess and Sexi Lexa Show on Taboo."
"Hey I like that Doc" Alexa said as she stroked her hand down to the smooth darkly tanned skin on Jamie Lynn's thigh, just below her shorts. "The Tanned Princess and Sexi Lexa show."
"MMMMMMMM I like that too" Jamie Lynn said with a kiss. "Your name should be in the title. It's your show too."
"We can talk about that..." Alexa said as she kissed Jamie Lynn's lips and went on, "...but first let's give out our fuck you of the week."
"Good idea" Doc said. "Jamie Lynn..."
"This goes out to my whoring slut sister who's mission it is to make my life a living hell" Jamie Lynn said in anger, "FUCK YOU."
"And fuck you to all of the people who said I was stupid for not giving up on Jamie Lynn already" Alexa commented, "I'm not ready to just yet."
"Thankfully" Jamie Lynn said as she kissed her cheek softly and both smiled at each other. "We're out of time."
"Yeh, and next week we have a very special guest star..." Doc commented as Alexa and Jamie Lynn leaned in and kissed softly. Neither paying Doc any attention as their lips fell in time with the others in a slow and steady rhythm. "...Jamie Lynn and Alexa's former co-star from the series, Zoey 101, Erin Sanders will be here."
"How about you bring your strap-on next week?" Jamie Lynn asked Alexa.
"Can I have your butt while you sixty nine with her?" Alexa asked.
"Love being butt fucked" Jamie Lynn commented as her and Alexa smiled knowingly at one another and each held up a middle finger towards the camera before looking directly into it and screaming in unison, "FUCK YOU".