Date: Sat, 26 Jan 2002 22:29:29 -0800 (PST) From: John Walsh Subject: Fraternity Memoirs Part 13 Fraternity Memoirs - Part 13 Standard disclaimers apply. If it ain't legal for you to read this, then don't. All rights reserved by author, blah blah blah blah blah. Hope everyone is doing well and had a great holiday season. Here is Chapter 13. Sorry for the delay. I've been really busy and have had no time to concentrate on this. I also have a lot of e-mails to respond to. I miss the correspondence and friendship that I have built with many of you. Hopefully my life will settle soon and we can catch up. There have been a lot of requests for the next chapter. I wasn't quite done with 13, but feel the need to meet the request of the "fans". So I cut off the part that I haven't finished yet and will make that part 14. This chapter is dedicated to Ollie. I bloody miss you mate! ***************************************************************************** Being so close with the Brothers the night of the mixer gave every pledge the energy to get their interviews done, no matter what it took. As I said, the taste of Brotherhood was on the tip of our tongues (for me, that was a bit of a literal statement and something that I am still dealing with), and we wanted the letters on our chests. There was a total 180-degree change in the Brothers' attitude. Those that hadn't given us their interview yet were suddenly approaching us to schedule some time. What was previously a "no-no", the Pledge Masters were allowing group interviews where multiple pledges would interview one Brother at the same time. It was as if someone looked at the calendar and said, "Oh shit, there are only 10 days left before finals!" In three days, we had our interviews almost done. All day in the student center and pretty much the events for Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights revolved around getting our interviews finished. I had finished mine up Monday night, the first one to complete them all. But it really meant nothing until everyone was done with his. Tuesday night at the House, we handed the last index cards of our interviews to the Pledge Masters. We were eager for the final stage of pledge season, Hell Week. We were scared shitless and had been discussing amongst ourselves all week what "Hell Week" would entail, but we knew it was the beginning of the end. We were sitting around in the basement waiting for CJ, who had not been in the Library. He was finishing up his last interview (and the class'), which happened to be with Andy, the VP. He was probably upstairs somewhere while we were in the basement. I thought about CJ on his knees in front of an underwear only wearing Andy, assuming that Andy pulled the same shit on him. Even if he didn't, the visual in my head was there. And I liked what I saw. The Pledge Masters made us take out a sheet of paper and write an essay on 'What role we would take in the Fraternity once we were Brothers' while we waited for CJ. I was writing how much I wanted to be on the Social Committee, Rush Chair someday, and maybe even Chaplin. Chaplin seemed like the coolest job to me, running the ceremonies and stuff. He was also the keeper of the "Scroll" and other Fraternity Artifacts. We heard the basement door open and all the pledges eyes went to the stairs to see if it was CJ coming down. It was, and all the pledges anxiously watched him as he came down. It was all up to CJ. He was the man of the hour. It didn't look like he had anything in his hands, just his backpack hanging on his right shoulder. And he didn't look happy. Two days ago, Matt came into the Student Center with Damien, Evan, Brett and Ben. They had just finished getting a group interview from Andy. I had two feelings about that. Glad as hell that 4 other guys had completed their interviews with Andy. But at the same time a little disappointed. I was hoping to see what Matt would have said after Andy's "interview" and his reaction. Not necessarily for sexual reasons, I just wanted to know that I wasn't "different" and that Matt would have done the same thing as me. And with all the chaos trying to get interviews finished, I didn't know if the rest of the class had group interviewed Andy as well. I hadn't discussed Andy's perspective on the "ultimate sacrifice" for Brotherhood with anyone besides Adam. What if CJ refused to get on his knees? I hadn't resisted all that much, but what if CJ did? Would that be grounds for Andy not to sign the interview? Would CJ make the sacrifice for the class? Damn, I should have given him some warning. He didn't look any of us in the eyes as he went over and sat in one of the couches. There was silence in the room as he placed his book bag on the floor. All eyes were on him, all of us praying inside that he got the interview done. He slowly unzipped the bag. He reached in and pulled out his Pledge Book. He opened the book. I was on the edge of my couch. Looking up and around at us, CJ said, "I'm sorry guys. You want to know what Andy wanted me to do to get his signature?" His tone was somber. There was silence in the room except for a couple of 'Oh no'. This wasn't sounding good. "We did the whole interview, right. He was about to sign my card and he puts the pen down and tells me if I want his signature, I have to give him a blow job." "Get the fuck out of here?" Mike, one of the other pledges, said surprisingly. "I'm serious," CJ said, focusing in on Mike. "He said it was the sacrifice that I would have to make for the rest of the Class if we wanted to move into Hell Week." >From the look on most people's faces, it seemed that this was news to them. I guessed that the rest of the Class must have done the group interviews, or Andy didn't pull the same shit on them. The pledges seemed to be registering what was just told to them, possibly wondering what they would have done if they were in the same position. No one could be angry with CJ if he didn't do it. "So I thought about it." CJ continued. "And I'm sorry guys..." CJ went back to his pledge book, fingered around with some cards, and quickly threw his hand in the air, holding up the interview card. TA-DAH! 'He fucking did it!' I thought to myself. I was elated and relieved that I wasn't the "only one". The rest of the pledge class didn't know how to react; they seemed to be looking around at each other for some type of affirmation. "You sucked his dick?" Matt (my roommate) asked. His tone was, umm, uncertainty? Shock? Not judgmental, more like 'is this some type of a joke'? I knew it wasn't. So did the pledge masters. You could see that they were trying to hold back from laughing. I don't think that CJ was getting the response that he was expecting, like gratitude and applause. "No, No! He said he was just testing me. When he saw that I was debating it, which I guess for a second I was, he told me I passed the test and signed my card. Dudes, we're fucking going into Hell Week!" With that, CJ jumped off the couch and handed the card to the Sean the Pledge Master. Sean inspected the card and passed it to Adam. Adam looked at both sides and said, "Interviews are complete." That was the trigger that the pledge class needed. We all jumped up and started hugging each other and giving 5 in the middle room, chanting, "Phi Class! Phi Class! Phi Class!" This time, it was CJ who was proud of himself. When the excitement settled down, everyone took their seat and looked at the Pledge Masters for instruction. We were all antsy and revving on adrenaline. Ready for the next phase. "What the fuck are you Pledges looking at?" Sean asked. "Has everyone finished their essay?" We went back to what we had been writing and someone told CJ the subject. I was basically done with mine, just adding a couple of more sentences. I couldn't help but wonder if CJ had told the whole story. It was pretty unfair of Andy to make me get on my knees but yet sign CJ's card simply at him "debating it". When everyone had put his pen down, Adam went around and collected them all. "Line up!" Adam screamed when he got to the last pledge. We scrambled to line up. When in line, the Pledge Masters continued... "Gentleman. Welcome to Hell Week. Pledge Master Adam, what time is it?" "It's 9:20 Pledge Master Sean," Adam responded. It was routine that we had become accustomed to, Adam and Sean bantering back and forth to each other. "How long should we give, an hour?" "That's a bit generous. I think my class got 45 minutes?" "45 minutes then?" "Yeah, that should be plenty of time." "You want to tell them?" "Yeah, I'll tell them," Adam said. Turning to us, he gave the instruction that I had no idea was coming. "Pledges, you have 45 minutes to get your sorry asses back to your rooms and grab your shit. During hell week, you will live in the basement of the House. You have 45 minutes to grab everything you think you will need. We will be confiscating your keys, so make sure you have it all. Clothes for a week, books, blankets, pillows. You will not be allowed back into your room till hell week is finished. Understood?" "Yes Pledge Master Adam," we chimed with total shock. "Its now 9:25. See you back here at 10:10! Dismissed!" We took off like chickens without a head. Move out? Are they fucking kidding? Matt and I tore through our room, throwing clothes in one bag and books in another. We pulled the sheets off our beds and threw them in a pile. We only had 15 minutes to grab our shit and be outside. We gathered up everything we thought we could potentially need including toiletries, towels, sneakers and even an alarm clock. When we got back to the House, we brought our stuff down to the basement and claimed a "spot". No one was allowed to sleep on the couches. We had to sleep on the dirty floor. We handed the Pledge Masters our room keys. Then we were lined up and marched for about two miles to some water reservoir, chanting the entire way. Once there, we spent an hour or more doing calisthenics. Jumping jacks, pushups, sit ups, lunges with no breaks at all, till we were exhausted and ready to drop. I was not looking forward to the walk back. Little did we know that we would be carrying back more than we took with us. We were lined up and breathing heavily from the intense exercise. It was cold out there, and the steam emanating from our sweaty bodies was profuse. The chill of the mid December air was sinking in. "You have all collected demerits during the pledge season for mistakes that you have made. Demerits should be intolerable to you and a weight on your shoulder in the progression to Brotherhood. Since you have all made it to Hell Week, there will be no more demerits. But during Hell Week, you will realize the weight of your mistakes and the potential affects they have on the Fraternity," Sean dictated as he walked up and down the line. Adam jumped in, "Take out your demerits and look at them. Count the missing matches and recall the mistakes that you made to receive them. When you have realized the severity of your mistakes and how close some of you were to being ousted, step forward." Each of us pondered on the mistakes that we had made. I had 11 demerits of the 20 necessary to be booted from the class. Most of mine were forgetting my book or pin. Or being caught trying to stealth from one class to another without a pair. A couple of them I had received from the Brothers for not knowing the answers to random quizzes like who is my big/little. You know the one I got for being the only one wearing my pin the night we were "paddled". But I still had the fewest of the class. When I was done, I stepped forward. Within a few minutes, the whole class had stepped forward. We were led down to where the water runs into some screened pipe that had hundreds of stones scattered in front of it. "You will exchange your Demerits for a rock that you find suitable as the weight you will bear during Hell Week. You will carry the rock everywhere with you as a constant reminder. If you forget or lose your rock, you will be banished from the class. Choose wisely, as Adam and I will collect your demerits and OK the weight of your rock. Go ahead." We stepped down to the rocks and started sifting through them. These weren't pebbles. They were huge rocks. We didn't have a reference to start with, so we had no idea how big they wanted. It had to pass their approval. I felt around while watching what everyone else was doing. Finally, I settled on a rock that seemed it was about 10 pounds or so, maybe a little more. A pound a demerit; I thought that was an OK indicator. Nobody wanted to be the first to go, so I took the lead. I grabbed my rock and brought it to the Pledge Masters. Sean stuck his hands out first, so I passed the rock to him. He weighed it in his hands. "I could carry this fucking rock with my pinky. How many demerits do you have?" "11, Pledge Master Sean." "You must not be taking your demerits very seriously Mr. Walsh. Try fucking again," and Sean tossed the rock back into the quarry. As I turned around to search for another rock, I saw that everyone had dumped the rock that they had and continued their own search. I found another rock that was maybe 5 pounds heavier and tried again. This one passed inspection and I handed to Adam my demerits. Eventually, one by one, the pledge class passed inspection. Never on the first try though. Every pledge at least once was told to find another rock. As we found the rocks that we would be carrying around for the next week, we got back in line in silence. When finished, we were marched to another part of the reservoir. We were told to drop our bags and lined up along the length of it, shoulder to shoulder facing it. We were about two yards from the edge and still holding our rocks. "Quiz time ladies," Adam said. "For each answer you get wrong, take one step forward. For each answer correct, stay exactly where you are. If you are in the water and you get an answer correct, you can take one step back If you guys know your shit, you'll make it home dry as a bone. If you don't, you'll walk home drenched. Got it?" "Yes Pledge Master Sean." They started asking questions, starting with the first on line and moving up. They started off easy enough. What are the Fraternity colors? What year was the Fraternity founded? Fraternity Symbol, etc. We got all those questions right. But then the difficult ones started. I think it was Damien who got the first question wrong. "Pledge Damien, who was Tim Johnson's Little?" Damien thought it out. I thought it out. Who the fuck is Tim Johnson? There were maybe 450 people in our Fraternity from the start of it. We had no idea who more than 3/4 of them was. "I don't know Pledge Master Sean," Damien responded. "You don't what?" Sean screamed. "I don't care Pledge Master Sean," Damien corrected. "Take a step forward." Damien took the step forward. I took a step forward. About half the other guys took a step forward. Then the rest did, but their delay made it too late. Idiots! We knew what was coming. "What the fuck is this?" Adam yelled. "Pledge Belford. What is the Pledge Class?" "The Pledge Class is One, Pledge Master Adam," Matt answered. "That's fucking right. So why didn't the whole Pledge Class take a step forward?" "Because we don't care Pledge Master Adam," Matt said, eyes on the ground. "You guys still don't FUCKING get it, DO YOU? The first night of Hell Week, after 11 WEEKS OF PLEDGING, and you still have the balls to tell me you don't care? Take fucking two steps. NO! Take THREE steps." Adam was pissed and screaming. If he was acting, the guy had a potential career in films. We took three steps. The next step, and our feet would be in the water. "It's called Hell Week, but if you fucking guys don't want to get in, we can certainly make it Hell Two Weeks!" Sean added. The questions continued, and so did our wrong answers. Step by step, we were up to our knees in the water. We were fully clothed, sneakers, pants, jackets. The water was freezing. I was beginning to shiver. And don't forget about the rocks that we were carrying. 15 pounds may not sound like a lot, but try holding it for a half hour without a rest. We got a couple of questions right, but never more than two in a row and I'm sure it was planned that way. I don't think it was any better, because now the wet parts of our body were exposed to the frigid air. Eventually we were waist deep and our teeth chattering and bodies frozen. I couldn't really feel my feet anymore. Our hands were so cold in the water that we could hardly hold onto our rocks anymore. Some of the guys had decided to hold the rocks over their heads to keep their hands out of the water. At various points, some of the pledges dropped their rocks to the bottom of the water and had to go under to get them. When the shortest pledge was neck deep, the questions became easier, we'd take a few steps back, but then get more wrong. Finally, after being in the water for close to an hour, a succession of easy questions came until we were out of the water. Some of the guys looked blue. Some of us had a hard time talking normally because we were so fucking cold. We marched back to the house very slowly. We were soaked and I couldn't feel my feet. By the time we got back to the house, it felt like my 15 lbs. rock had transformed to a 50 lbs. rock. We were exhausted. The heat of the house felt amazing. We were led into the basement through the cellar doors. It was almost 1:00 in the morning. I couldn't wait to get my sneakers off and take a hot shower. I prayed that this was the last of it for the night, and that we would be allowed to get some sleep. Was I forgetting that this was Hell Week? "Before we move on to the next event (FUCK!), let's go over some of the ground rules of Hell Week first," Adam started. We were standing around the Pledge Maters; we couldn't sit because we were still soaked. "There will be no showering in the House or in the dorms (DOUBLE FUCK!). You can go to the rec center and take a shower, but you must be in pairs. Student Center hours during Hell Week are from 6 AM till 8 PM. You will go straight from the Student Center to the Library where you will study till 10 PM. You are not allowed back to the house in between; so make sure you have everything you need for the day. Any questions?" I think we were all too cold to ask any questions. "OK then. You can take off your wet clothes and get changed. Towel yourselves off if you want. The next event starts in 15 minutes." With that the Pledge Masters went upstairs and left us alone while we got changed. I couldn't wait to get out of these wet clothes. I was wearing a sweatshirt under my jacket. Between the wet clothes and the rock, I think I was carrying an extra 25 pounds. I peeled my sweatshirt off and tossed it to the ground with a splat. I was dripping water from my clothes and a puddle of water was at my feet. I looked around as everyone else was unclothing in silence. "I can't believe we got to carry around these fucking rocks all week," Kevin whispered to the class. "Shhh!" The whole class said. This was hell week, and none of us were taking any chances of making things worse on ourselves. I noticed a lot of shrinkage in the room, as we all got naked and dried ourselves with our towels. Everyone's skin was pinkish red from being cold. I really didn't look too hard. I was too fucking cold and only wanted warm dry clothes on my body. 15 minutes later, the Pledge Masters came back down the stairs, right on time. We were mostly dressed. "You ladies warming up?" Sean asked. "Yes Pledge Master Adam." "Well, let's move this along then." Sean said. Adam continued. "Hope you remembered to bring a second pair of sneakers, because you guys are going back to campus for a scavenger hunt. We will give you the first clue. This clue will lead you to another clue. There are 19 clues altogether, the 19th leading you to the prize." Sean finished, "The prize itself is a clue, but it's an important lesson that will greatly help you get through Hell Week and into the Fraternity. You will see what I mean when you find it. But you only have 2 and 1/2 hours to find the prize, or it will be taken back and never revealed. So you must work together to complete the task. When finished, you can come back into the basement and get some sleep. Your time starts now, so get moving. Don't forget that Student Center Hours start at 6:00AM. Good Luck." Sean passed Kevin the first clue and the Pledge Masters went up the stairs. It was computer printed on red paper. Damien seemed to take charge. He usually did, probably because he was the oldest. "If anyone has a timer on their watch, start it." "Got it," Dan said. "What does it say Kevin?" Damien asked. "Welcome to Campus Runaround. Your success depends on the knowledge you have gained thus far. You will find your next clue where majority of the Brothers spend their time." "The Student Center!" someone yelled out. We finished dressing, grabbed our rocks and headed to campus. We walked round and round the student center but couldn't find anything. We assumed we were looking for another piece of red paper. "OK, this isn't it. It's not the student center. Where else...think," Damien said. We tossed around a bunch of ideas. We thought maybe the rec center, so we headed there. Nothing. "How much time have we used?" "24 minutes," Dan responded. "This is taking too long. We have two and half-hours, that's 150 minutes for 19 clues. That's less than 10 minutes a clue. Come on guys think." What the fuck could it be, I wondered? It has to be the student center. And then a thought hit me. "Wait. Most of the Brothers are business majors, no? You think it could be the business academic building?" "That's got to be it. Good thinking Walsh. Let's go," and with that the 19 of us ran across campus to the building. Sure enough, a red piece of paper was waiting for us at the main entrance. Damien read it, "Clue 2: This Sorority first began as our Little Sisters, and then became their own Sorority." "That's easy. Delta Phi Epsilon," Evan yelled. We took off for DPhiE's House and found the next clue. I'm not going to go through all the clues, just wanted you to get an idea of what we had to do. Some of them were easy; some of them took us a couple of tries. We hit a roadblock on the 14th clue and 35 minutes remaining. "Clue 14: Brother William Jamison got kicked out of this dorm for throwing a 3 keg party on his floor." None of us had ever heard of it. We didn't know what to do. We thought about searching the outside of every dorm, but that would take forever and we didn't have the time. "Family trees. Guys, think of the family trees. Someone still in the Fraternity has to be related to him," Matt said. "And then what? Ask the Brother the answer?" Damien asked. "Why not? No one say we couldn't ask, right?" "No, they didn't," Kevin added. We thought long and hard. We had 35 founders and there were that many family lines and then some families split because Brothers took two Littles. We couldn't figure it out and a bunch of us started arguing. "Guys! Quit arguing! They could be watching us right now and we don't want them to see us fighting," Matt said. We all looked around realizing for the first time that Matt could be right. We looked around but we couldn't see anyone. "Let's find a phone. We'll call each of our Bigs till someone gets him to give us the answer." It was worth a try and at this point our only shot. We found a payphone and Matt called his Big first. He gave him the clue and asked for help, "We only have 30 minutes left," he pleaded. "Governor Hall, thanks Ryan, we owe you one," Matt said as he hung up the phone. We took off for the dorm and found it. Eventually we got to the 19th clue with just a couple of minutes left. We were beat. We must have run over campus at least 25 times and carrying these rocks wasn't helping. "Clue 19: X Marks the Spot." "The Quad, right where the walkways meet in front of the President's Building," CJ said. "We were just there like 5 minutes ago. I didn't see any red paper," Kevin added. "We have three minutes left. Wherever we go, it has to be right," Dan said. "I say we go with CJ's suggestion. It's the only X that I know of. And to Kevin's point, someone must be dropping these things off ahead of us, otherwise some random person could pick them up," I suggested. We decided to give it a try. It was our only shot, this better be it. We ran as fast as we could to the middle of the Quad where two walkways cross between buildings in a large lawn, making an X. Sure enough, there was a Gold piece of paper waiting there. We cheered and jumped up and down. We did it. We were eager to see what our prize was. "Who wants to do the honors?" Ben asked. "CJ, you answered the last clue, you read it," Damien recommended. "Your journey to Brotherhood has been a long and tedious road. Many lessons you have learned along the way, but heed this lesson most important of all. It is the key to Brotherhood. Sacrifice. Always put the good of the Fraternity and Your Brother ahead of yourself. Sacrafice is the test of Infinite Brotherhood." "That's the fucking prize?" Kevin asked. "The Pledge Masters said it was a clue that would help us get into the Fraternity, so I think that is it," Matt said. "Should we memorize it or something?" Damien asked. We didn't memorize it, but CJ read it aloud to us a few times and each of us took a turn reading it to ourselves. We kept it so that we could review it again tomorrow. We debated what it could mean, but we weren't quite sure. We figured we would find out eventually. We headed back to the House. By the time we got back in, it was close to 5AM. We had to be in the Student Center at 6. I am better with no sleep than I am with an hour, so I stayed awake as tired as I was. Some of the guys fell asleep. Matt had laid his blanket next to mine and we whispered till the alarm clock went off at 5:45. I don't know if the Pledge Masters are aware of it or not, but when we got to the Student Center we learned that it doesn't open till 7 AM. It was fucking freezing and windy. We didn't think that our cars would qualify as the Student Center, so we took the ground outside the main entrance. We pretty much intertwined into one huge pile of people, using our body heat to keep to us warm. I fell asleep until we could go in, my head resting on Matt's arm. It felt strangely comforting. When the Student Center opened, we took our spot. It was so hard not to fall asleep. About 8:00 the SC began to get busy and some of the Brothers started showing up. I only imagined how skuzzy we looked, after being in the lake and not showering. The Brothers took amusement at weighing our rocks. Of course, like everything, they had it worse. "Those rocks are pebbles compared to the rock I had to carry." Everyone's pledge season was always worse, even though we all did the same shit. I had two classes on Wednesday, an 11:00 and a three-hour class starting at 5. Luckily, my 11:00 was a lecture and I slept through the whole class. Two of the guys picked me up and brought me to the Student Center. I went to the bathroom and took a leak. I looked at myself in a mirror for the first time of the day. I looked disgusting. I still had some gunk on my ear from the lake. Why the fuck didn't someone tell me? I had to take a shower. When I got back to the spot I was glad that Matt was still there. "Matt, I feel freaking nasty. Can you go take a shower with me?" "Love to Walsh, but I can't. I have a 1:00. And don't worry about feeling nasty, you look nasty too. So at least you match." "You're such a comedian." Matt was laughing at his own joke. Matt always laughs at his own jokes. "Yo Walsh, I'll go with you." It was CJ. "Cool CJ, thanks. You ready to go now?" I asked. "Yup. Lets get the hell out of here." "Will you guys drop me off?" Matt inquired. "OK." So we told one of the Brothers where we were going and CJ and I walked Matt to his class, all us hauling our rocks. After dropping Matt off, CJ suggested a change of plan. "Lets go to the pool instead." "I don't know CJ, the Pledge Masters said the rec center." "Same fucking difference. The pool will be empty at this time and we can take a long hot shower in peace. If coach isn't around, we can even jump in the hot tub." (If you recall, CJ is on the swim team.) The hot tub was my selling point. I love hot tubs. "I guess you're right." So we went to the pool, which I had never been to, and was immediately hit with the scent of chlorine. We went through some door and we were in the locker room area. CJ told me to wait a second and he went around a corner. When he came back he said, "Coach isn't here. So if we want to whirlpool after the shower, we can." "Cool," I said. "I can't wait to take a shower." "I hear that," CJ replied as we made our way over to the lockers... We started getting undressed. As a reminder, CJ's about 6'3" tall, maybe 6'4", tight swimmers build, has red hair cut real short and greenish eyes. I tired to pay CJ no attention as he pulled down his boxer, but again I was captured by the sight of his huge dick. Being Catholic and going to Catholic School my whole life, I had never seen an uncut dick before. It was curiously odd to me. I made a mental request to my dick. 'Please behave yourself. It will be completely un-cool if you get hard in front of CJ'. And with that, I pulled down my boxers so that we were both standing there naked. "Should we bring the rocks in the shower?" I asked. "We probably should." So we grabbed our rocks, a bar of soap and headed into the shower. We placed the rock on the floor besides us and turned on the shower. I turned on only the Hot water and stepped under. It felt amazing. We were talking about how long we thought Hell Week was going to last. Was it truly a Week? If it were a week, we wouldn't get in until Mondy night and finals started on Wednesday. I kept sneaking peaks at CJ's dick as we talked, I couldn't help myself. The hot water seemed to make it grow even longer but still soft, like 5 inches. But you couldn't see the head or anything, just this flap of skin that covered it, or something. Weird. I couldn't figure it out. "Walsh, quit looking at my dick, will ya?" CJ mocked. He seemed to be joking. Busted. "Sorry CJ. Just never saw one like, well, like yours before." It was the truth. "Never?" "Nope." I tried my hardest not to look and started soaping up my body. "You know, you just did exactly what just about every chick does?" "What does that mean?" "I'll be making out with a chick, right. It starts getting hot and heavy. I get her clothes off. Then I get my clothes off. Then she sees my dick and she gives it a strange look. She'll look at it again and makes a face. Then, she won't look at it again for the rest of the night. Just like you did. It's a fucking curse, I'm telling you." As CJ was saying this, he mimicked a face that a chick would make. He made me laugh. "Walsh this ain't no laughing matter. You have no idea how hard it is to get a chick to fucking blow me." "Sorry dude. I didn't realize that girls would be so turned off at it." I was looking at his dick again. "They don't mind it once I have a condom on and I'm fucking her. Then she's begging me to give her more. But when it comes to sucking me off, it's suddenly time to go home. Or she'll give me a hand-job like that's a fair trade or something. It's like if I wanted a hand-job I could give a better one to myself." CJ started to get harder as he was talking. I tired to look at his face, but kept averting to his growing erection. He didn't seem to notice or care that he was getting hard in front of me. Listening to CJ, and seeing his dick grow to a floppy 7-inch bone made my dick begin to swell. "CJ, you keep talking about chicks and blowjobs and you're going to me all aroused," I covered. I saw CJ look down at my hardening dick and he chuckled. "Sorry Bro. Guess with the lack of sex we've been getting, the mere mention of it is enough to throw wood." "You can say that again." I felt strangely comfortable standing there with CJ, naked in the shower and being 3/4 hard. There was a certain feeling of comradery about it. There was no threat. He didn't seem to mind and I certainly didn't. I guess after the class jerked off together, there was no need to be shy about it. "Well, consider it revenge from the other night at the mixer." "What, when I told you that Zeta was in the back giving blow jobs?" "Yeah. I know you didn't realize it then, but I figured with a drunken bitch that liked sucking dick, she'd have no problem sucking mine. I was rock hard before I even got to the back of the House and then wham, no chick." He made me laugh again. "Well, even if I knew then what you just told me, I still would have done it." "Thanks a lot Walsh." "That's what Brothers are for, to tease and torment and make your life hell." I turned into the shower to rinse the soap off of me as CJ lathered up his body. "So what about you. Girls like sucking your dick or what?" He certainly wanted to stay on the subject, I joked to myself. Doesn't he know what he's doing to me? But I liked it, so I went with it. "I guess so. I mean not every girl does it, but I've had my fair share of blowjobs. I'm not one to ask for it, but I really appreciate it when she does." "What's the best blow job you ever got?" 'Aw, that's an easy one CJ. The morning of the camping trip while you guys were still sleeping, Kevin had me up against this tree and gave me the most mind-blowing blowjob of my life. He totally sucked me dry.' Of course, that's not what I said, although I thought it. What I told CJ was, "You know how in the summers I work as a cabana boy in that beach club. Well there's this really hot lady on my court who's like in her 30s. She always flirted with me, but she was like married. So one night the court is having a party and I'm working it and she's totally bombed. She tells me she needs some help in her cabana so I follow her in there to the back and she totally starts making out with me." "No fucking way, really? An older lady?" "Yeah, but she's totally hot for her age and she's got a killer body and a huge rack. But I don't know what the fuck is going on because I know her husband and he's a cool guy and there's this huge party going on outside the cabana. The next thing I know she's ripping off my shirt." "Could people see you?" "No, it was kind of partitioned off, but the front doors of the cabana were open and you could hear all the music and the people outside. Everyone's cabana is open and it's like a 'help yourself' atmosphere, so anyone really could have came in at anytime." "So did anyone come in?" "CJ, you want me to get to this blowjob or are you going to keep cutting me off with questions?" "Sorry. Go ahead." "So I'm standing there and she pulls my shirt off. She starts making out with me again. She's wearing a bikini top so I start feeling her tits, but she pushes my hands away and starts licking her way down to my crotch. I don't know what to say to her so I say nothing and she starts groping my dick through my shorts and I can't believe this is happening." "The next thing I know she's unbuckling my shorts and they drop to my sandals and she yanks my boxers down to my knees. I'm totally fucking hard and she just starts sucking my dick like no tomorrow. It seems like she had a lot of experience sucking dick cause she's swallowing the whole thing and using her tongue. "She was sucking with a mission to make me cum, I could tell. It was the best blowjob I ever got and it didn't take me too long. After a few minutes I'm about to cum, and for the first time I say something to her...I'm gonna cum. So she takes her mouth off my dick and jerks me off and I shoot all over her face and hair. It was intense." "I can imagine," CJ said. I was reliving the memory in my head as I told it and not really looking at CJ, but he was totally hard now. He had soaped up his dick and although it looked like he was washing it, I think he was getting a bit of enjoyment out of it. Me, I was at full staff myself. "So what happened after that?" he asked. "Well, I didn't know if she was looking for anything in return, but I had to get back out to the party. So I pull my shorts back up and she stood back up. She slurs to me, 'You have a nice dick there Mr. Cabana Boy. You go back out to the party now' and waves me off while she's still got my jism all over her face. "So I toss my shirt back on and say thanks. I went back out to the party and didn't see her for the rest of the night. I guess she passed out or something. I saw her pretty much everyday for the rest of the summer and she never said anything about it. So I don't know if she was just embarrassed, too fucked up to remember, or what." "Jesus Walsh, that's a wild story. You got me totally boned up." "Yeah, I can see that CJ." He was totally hard and sticking straight out. I noticed that his dick curved slightly up and that his head was now poking out. I know I keep saying it, but he had the biggest dick I ever saw. I had to ask him. "I feel totally weird asking you this CJ, but how big is your dick?" "About 9.5 inches," he said with a proud smile. I didn't think it was that big. "Damn. It's fucking long. You're putting me to shame over here." CJ looked at my hard dick. "It doesn't look like you have anything to be ashamed about Walsh. How big is yours?" CJ asked. "Seven and a half inches." "Well, the only way I am going to get this thing to go down is jerk off, cause its not the easiest thing to hide when I'm hard." That statement sat out there for a minute without a comment from me. There was a minute of silence between us, two guys standing in the shower naked and hard. Until a few weeks ago, I was aware of a very distinct line that would not be crossed between two guys. However, I had crossed that line with Kevin and somewhat with Adam, and the line was becoming slightly blurred to me. Yet I was completely aware that CJ and I were standing on that line. Did CJ realize that? Was he conscious of the line? Did he want to jerk off together? Or am I thinking too much into a simple statement. And suddenly I remembered that CJ had crossed that line once himself. Was he willing to step over the line again? I didn't know how to proceed. Step back, or step forward. I decided to stay on the line for a while, let fate deal the cards. "So what about you CJ? I know you said that you don't get much head, but what's the best blow job you ever got?" While CJ thought about it, I lathered up my hair. "Walsh, if I tell you something you promise not to think that I'm a freak." "Shoot," I said, my eyes closed as I shampooed. "Remember that night at Dan's house and we were playing that I Never Game?" "Yeah." "You remember what I said, about that bartender in Vermont." "Yeah," but I said it real slow, pretending that I was trying to remember. "Well, that was the definitely the best blow job that I ever got." "You said that then, didn't you?" "I think I did, yeah. I can't believe I told you guys that night. I had never told anyone until then." "Well, you were telling your Brothers, people you knew you could trust." "It wasn't like I was soliciting it or anything, you know. It just happened and it felt so fucking good. The guy didn't even blink when he saw my dick. He just opened his mouth, took it and loved it." Hearing CJ talk about this totally got me going. I was already hard, but I was becoming extremely horny. So I turned into the shower so I was facing away from him and rinsed the shampoo out of my hair. "Yeah, and you said you were drunk, so..." I don't know what exactly that meant; I just had to say something. Help him make an excuse, I guess. Let him know that I understood because he had no idea just how much I understood. "Yeah I was. This is totally between you and I right?" "Yeah CJ, Trust a Brother." "You know sometimes, when I'm jerking off, I think about it. Not about the Bartender. I think about some chick from one of my classes or something, but she's giving me head just like that Bartender did. You think that's gay?" "CJ, how could it be gay if you're thinking about a chick?" "I know. Just didn't want you to think that I was gay or anything." "I don't think that at all CJ." This was intense. Inside my head, part of me was screaming "TELL HIM!" But I couldn't. Partly because I just couldn't, but there was someone else involved that he knew, and that wasn't fair to Kevin. Even though Kevin had totally set me up the night of I Never. But I wasn't like Kevin. "That's cool." By his tone, I heard it as 'Thanks'. I realized that in a way, CJ and I were dealing with a common issue. Each of us had had a gay experience, and all though I think mine was a bit more serious, we were both trying to deal with what it actually meant. At least CJ was able to talk about his. I still couldn't. I silently admired him for that. "Sort of on the same subject CJ, you know Andy asked me to for a ah, you know, um, a blow job as well, to get his signature." "He did?" "Yeah, except he took it one step further with me. He actually pushed me down to my knees in front him." Although I was scared to share that with CJ, it felt so good to say. "Did he pull out his dick too?" I noticed the "too" and realized that CJ didn't tell all to the class. I didn't blame him. "Right out in front of my face." "Same here Bro. I didn't know what to do. I was ready to fucking clock him, but then I thought of you guys downstairs relying on me to get his signature. And if I hit him, would I get kicked out. That was some pretty big pressure. I didn't know what the fuck to do." "So what happened?" I asked. I had to know how far he went. "Well, he was all like I won't tell anyone, trust a brother and shit. Meanwhile, he's holding his dick in one hand and waving it in front of my face. I was trying to figure it all out and then all of a sudden he was pulling me up to my feet and saying I passed." "Dude, that's exactly what happened me," I said. "He's fucked up. Must have some kind of superiority complex or something. Thank god it was a test." CJ said. "No shit. You had a lot more pressure then me with Hell Week hinged upon it. I don't know what I would have done if he was for real." "Looking back on it, it's easy to say that I wouldn't have done it. But then and there, fuck if knew what I would have done," CJ said as he really seemed to search himself. I wasn't looking for an answer to my last remark. The dude was certainly honest. And then there was silence again. I looked nonchalantly and saw that we were both still hard. I got the feeling that I could get CJ over the line, but then what? Did I want to lead this? Would we jerk in front of each other? Maybe jerk each other off? I wasn't going to go any further that, unless it was CJ that wanted to get on his knees. But I didn't have the courage to lead it. I let the moment pass me by. I wondered for a long time if anything could have happened that day. I'm fairly certain that it could have. But what I took away with me was a better friend and trust in CJ and a couple of secrets that we shared that solidified our Brotherhood. But I also took away a sight that fueled a fantasy for quite awhile. I told him what Adam had told me, about the history of the "test". It seemed to settle this issue a bit. "So can we use the whirlpool, CJ?" "Yeah, go ahead. The timer is on the wall behind it. I'll be right behind you, I just need to wash my hair." "Cool. This is going to feel great." So I grabbed my rock and went to the whirlpool. I tested it with my hand, and it was hot. I turned the timer on all the way and jumped in. It felt like heaven. I just slid into the water up to my neck, closed my eyes and relaxed. God I couldn't wait for pledge season to be over. After some time, I felt CJ stepping into the whirlpool. I opened my eyes and he had a huge smile on his. "What's got you so happy?" I asked. "I went to take a piss after my shower but I was still throwing wood, so I went into the stall and pulled one out. I was holding like three days worth and it was awesome. Thus, the smile," and he smiled even bigger. "Too much information for me," I said, but was glad that he shared that little detail with me. I was still hard myself under the water and rubbed myself a few times after CJ said that. I was definitely going to jerk off later when we got back to the Student Center. "You asked," CJ said with a smile. We hung out in the hot tub until one cycle was done. We debated a second one, but decided that we had probably already pushed our time limit. Besides, we had promised Matt that we would pick him up after his class and it was ending in a few minutes. Wednesday night began much the same. We were lined up with our rocks and marched to campus and around campus for a couple of hours. Then we headed back to the House. When we got there, we saw that the parking lot was full of cars. Something was going on, all the Brothers were here. One of the Brothers that was marching us ran into the House while we stood outside waiting. About 10 minutes later, he came back out and we were told to follow him into the House in complete silence. Corina Buhrana (spelling? Its that song from Excalibur the movie, medieval orchestral chant) was playing throughout the house and all the lamps were out. The only light that was given was by candles that were sporadically placed throughout the house. It was totally eerie. We were led into the Sunroom. The Sergeant at Arms was in the room waiting for us, wearing a hooded black robe and his eyes were blacked out with makeup. Forget about eerie, this was plain old morbid and scary. We sat in the sunroom in silence for a good half hour, with just the Sergeant at Arms (SA) looming over us. I had a very uneasy feeling about the evening. From the look of my fellow pledges' faces, they were feeling the same way. Eventually the door to the room opened and a Brother dressed in a red cloak with a hood over his head stepped in. His face was painted white and I could not tell whom it was. He didn't say anything. Instead, he pointed at Ben and beckoned him with his finger. Ben didn't know what to do at first, he looked very confused. "Go with him, Ben," someone whispered. "Silence!" The SA's voice boomed through the small room. I think we all cowered a bit. Hesitantly, Ben got up and followed the red figure out of the room with his rock and his bag. The rest of us sat there under the stare of the SA. The music was on repeat and the song continued. About 5 minutes later we heard screams coming from what sounded like upstairs. It lasted a few minutes and it was loud. It wasn't one voice screaming, it sounded more like 50. We all looked at each other and then the screaming came abruptly to an end. This wasn't sounding good. About 5 minutes later, the red figure came back in the room and pointed at Damien. Damien through me a concerned look, and then followed the robed Brother out of the room. The cycle continued. Screams followed 5 minutes later with one of us being pulled out of the room one by one... I was the last to go and it was excruciatingly long. The red-cloaked Brother came into the sunroom for the last time. It was my turn. I grabbed my rock and bag and followed him out to the hallway. He led me up the stairs. I was about to find out what all this yelling was about. I was led into a room and prepared myself. There, sitting behind a long table was 4 Brothers also wearing red robes and whitened out faces. Three candles on the table gave the only light. There was a chair before them that I was seated in. As I looked at the Brothers, I could see that it was Andy, the VP, the Chaplin, the Historian and the Treasurer. Andy began, "Each of us are going to ask you one question to test the knowledge you have gained so far. I will go first. Please tell us the Principles." Not the Principles. They were hard enough to say when we weren't being tested. I pretty much had them down when it was only myself. But when tested in front of the Brothers, I always froze up. "We, The Brothers of..." I got halfway done and stammered on a word. I went back a couple of lines and restarted from there. "Stop!" Andy commanded. I stopped. The Historian went next. "Please name the Founding Fathers." "All of them?" I clarified. "Yes." Fuck. I started naming all the names that I could. I got to about 25 of them and my mind went blank. After a minute of silence, the Treasurer said, "Stop!" "Tell me the Fraternity Symbol and the meaning behind it," the Chaplin asked. That I knew, and was able to answer the question correctly. "What is the key to Brotherhood?" the Treasurer asked. The key to Brotherhood, I thought to myself and kept repeating it. It sounded so familiar to me. The key to Brotherhood, the key to Brotherhood. The last clue! "The key to Brotherhood is sacrifice," I answered. "Before you go, answer me one last question, keeping in mind the questions you just got wrong. Do you think you are prepared to be a Brother?" Yowser. That was a loaded question for sure. I had answered 2 of the 4 questions correctly, 50%. I'd say that was a failure. But I didn't want to answer No. Besides not knowing some tedious facts, I thought that we were ready. "Yes," I said, matter of factly. At my answer, Andy pointed to the door without comment. I guess that was my que to leave. I got up and the red-cloaked Brother opened the door and led me out. We walked to another door, and he took my book bag and rock. He opened the door and it was all black in the room, no lights at all. I took a step in and then felt someone grab me by the arm and pull me into the room. Some sort of sheet was thrown over my head and I couldn't see anything. I was frightened. Then came the screaming. Brothers yelling at me at the top of their lungs, one on top of the other. I was being spun around till I was dizzy and about to fall. Some of what they were yelling: "Who the fuck are you?" "You're not worthy to be my Brother!" Besides other harsh comments and obscenities, like "You Fucking Suck" and "You are a Waste!" They were screaming questions like "Who's my Big?" "What do you know? You know nothing!" They started pushing me around the room, like I was in a mosh pit or something, all the while still screaming. Then a few of the Brothers started throwing some punches. They weren't full clocks or anything, just jabs in the stomach and arms and legs. Enough to hurt though, and knock the wind out of me. It was very upsetting. I couldn't get my bearings and balance with all the yelling and shoving. I couldn't believe they were punching me. One last push and I went flying to the ground. The yelling stopped and I realized that I was in tears. The tears were partly from being upset, but mostly from being enraged. I was so pissed my emotions were going crazy. I got up and pulled the sheet off of me, expecting to see the Brothers. But I realized that they had pushed me outside the room and I was back in the hallway again with the red-cloaked Brother. The door was shut. I felt like a wuss for crying. He pointed at my bag and rock on the floor. I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes and was led to yet another room. Although I was trying to keep composed, I was really upset inside. I went into the third room, and there were three Brothers dressed in black robes, their faces painted like skeletons. They were also seated behind a table with three candles lit. I could see that it was the President, Sean and Adam. I was seated on a chair in front of them. They made me sit there for a minute before they said anything, just staring at me. It was maddening sitting there under their gaze. I was being silently judged. I just wanted this all to end. I couldn't look them in the face. "Do you still think that you are ready to be a Brother?" Sean asked. "Yes," I said between breaths. I was still trying to catch it after the events of the last room. There was a balance scale (looked like this -v-) on the table in front of them. Adam gave the lesson. On one side of the scale was a single pledge pin. On the other side was small rock representing the "foundation" of the Fraternity. The scale was weighed down on the rock side. "One Brother (the pin) can not carry the weight of the Fraternity." Sean then dropped a bunch of additional pledge pins on the side that previously had just the one. The scale balanced out so that both sides were even. "But with the sacrifice and work of all the Brothers, the Fraternity remains strong and balanced." Then the President asked a question, "What is the lesson you learned here?" I thought about it a moment and then said, "It takes the work of every Brother, not one, or a few, to keep the Fraternity strong." "Correct," he responded. "You are almost ready to be one with the Brotherhood. First you will be asked to make a sacrifice. Then, you will become a part of the Circle of Brotherhood." With that, they all put the hoods over their heads and hid their faces. The Brother who had guided me to the rooms signaled that I should leave. I got up and followed him out of the room. He led me down to the Basement where the rest of my pledge brothers were waiting in silence under the guard of another Brother dressed in a red cloak. I took a seat and about 10 minutes later the pledge masters came down the stairs. They had removed their black cloaks, but still had the paint on their faces. "For the rest of the evening, you will remain standing in silence and contemplate all that you have learned during your pledge season. There will be no sleep. You must hold your rocks above your waist and away from your own body. You can help each other with your rocks, but do not let them fall to the ground. For every rock that touches the ground, that will be one day added to Hell Week. Do you understand?" "Yes, Pledge Master Sean." So we stood there, all night holding the rocks. Adam stayed awake the whole time, watching us. We couldn't say anything to each other. With all the time that I had on my own, my mind kept going to the events of the past few weeks with Kevin and what I had done to Adam the other night. It was an internal battle with myself. Right or wrong. Good or bad. Was I now a sinner? I had opened myself to new experiences and part of me was telling me that it was just a phase, and it had to stop. But another part of myself was defending it by saying what Kevin had said to me, "It wasn't gay." So much of me wanted to believe that was true. Kevin's opinion seemed pretty minimal to me compared to that of Society in general. The fact that I felt the need to hide it was enough for me to realize that I didn't hold Kevin's opinion as absolute. The more I thought about it, the more confused I got. The only thing that I could agree on was that I wished I had never met Kevin. I would be in a much different situation if I had never camped with him that one night. Looking back, I don't know if that is a fair statement, but it was the way I felt back then. As much as I tried to stop the internal debate, I kept going back to it. Most of us tried holding the rocks ourselves as long as we could. After awhile, I saw that Evan was struggling to hold his rock up. Ben helped him out. He stood in front of Evan and pointed to his back, showing Evan to put some of the weight on him. Evan did so. Eventually we were all like that, taking turns of resting the rocks on each other's backs, shoulders, chests. I guess the point was to give us some time to think, but to also make sure that we worked together for a common goal. To get through the night without dropping the rocks, by helping each other out. We stood that way for about three hours till it was time to leave for the Student Center. You have no idea how great it felt when we could finally put the rocks down. My arms and legs hurt for days after. I hated that damn rock with a passion. Well, here's where I cut it off. I have the rest of hell week mostly done, just need to fill in a couple of parts that I skipped. The next chapter will finish up hell week and getting into the Fraternity. Then begins the escapades as a Brother. Hope you continue to enjoy. John alt76frat@yahoo.com