Date: Sat, 29 Jul 2017 00:27:38 +0000
From: revjpgibson@hotmail.com
Subject: Under the Cherry Tree chapter 21

			   UNDER THE CHERRY TREE
				    By
		  Rev. Jesse Penfield Gibson, MDiv, DMin


Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction.  The characters and situations are
purely imaginary.  Any resemblence to any living persion is coincidental.
This story is primarily a romance but does contain some scenes of explicit
sex, primarily homosexual but not exclusively.

Complaints, compliments and comments to revjpgibson@Hotmail.com

Please remember to give to Nifty to keep the stories coming



				TWENTY-ONE

	"Come on and come with me for spring break," I pleaded with Carter.
I was in his room after a morning run together.  He had basically lost the
doughy appearance that he had previously by regular exercise and I had
grown to enjoy having him as a running partner. At first he couldn't keep
up and it was frustrating but his stamina is much better as his body has
gotten leaner, and frankly hotter.  "What other plans do you have?"

	"I'm just going home,"

	"Boring.  Look, I'm going home for the first weekend, and then
heading down to Panama City.  Come with me.  Xander's going to be gone for
most of the week in Tampa.  We can hang out and have a good time.  You'll
be doing me a favor because you'll be somebody to talk to."

	"I don't think I can.  Who's going anyway?"

	"A couple of people from here and two of Xander's brothers and
their friends.  We're going to be staying in two beachhouses.  It'll be
fun."

	He looked down at the floor and the sadness enveloped him.  "You
know I can't.  My father would never let me."

	"You're 18, almost 19.  You can go wherever you want."

	"What are your parents saying about it" he challenged me.  Legally,
we were adults but were still financially dependent on our parents.

	I smiled.  "I'm still working that part out.  I'll tell them what
they want to hear, probably."

	"It's okay.  You have a good time."

	I had invited him not because I thought he would have a good time,
or even that he would accept but because I felt so bad for him.  If he
could just bust through all the things holding him back from being happy,
he would discover a bright, welcoming, beautiful world.  Even though Carter
no longer seemed to go to church any more, the dead hand of fundamentalist
Christianity was still upon him.  I think both of us have lost our religion
this year but since it meant so much more for him, being a budding young
minister and all, the loss was for him more troubling.  He had lost his
meaning for life and hadn't found a replacement. Part of me just wanted to
hold him down and tell him that life can be beautiful.

	I was spending most of the last few days before spring break in my
dorm room.  Xander had gone to be tested for STD's in preparation for his
porn shoot, which I was still not that thrilled by, and wasn't supposed to
have sex until then.  He was supposed to "save it up".  So, to reduce
temptation, we slept apart.  For the first time in more than two months,
Robbie and I were again in close contact.  It made little difference to
either of us.  He was between girlfriends and hung around with his friends.
Robbie, for his part, was also headed to the Redneck Riviera, just like me,
but in the company of his jock baseball friends.  Even though we were
roommates still, we didn't have that much contact anymore, mostly because I
spent so much time at Xander's.  We had once been friends, and I guess we
still were, but had drifted apart. Even when I did sleep in my room, we had
little to talk about.  Neither of us had any interest in rooming together
next year.

	I was going to share a beach house with Dex, Dante, Cass and a few
others, including Tommy who lived on my floor and a couple of girls.  There
were 10 of us in total and the house belonged to Dex and Cass's uncle.  It
was supposedly in a premium spot, on the beach near a golf course, in the
middle of the action.  It also turned out that Philip's mother also owned a
beach house on the same street so he was staying there along with Liam and
a collection of their friends.  It promised to be the kind of wild week
that legends were made of.  But first, I had to go home.  There wasn't any
way around it since home was on the way in any event.  Plus, I was becoming
a stranger to them since Christmas.
	The homecoming was strained.  Once I had answered their questions
about school in glittering generalities and they updated me to the gossip
of a small town, we didn't have much to say.  I couldn't tell them about
the really important things in my life since they involved mind-expanding
drugs and sodomy.  So, I felt alienated from them and it inevitably showed.
They were not happy about my going to spring break either.  They had heard
stories about wild parties, casual and even anonymous sex and alcohol
fueled fatalities.  My mother in particular didn't think it was something I
ought to be involved in.  I stretched the truth – a lot- by telling them
that we weren't staying in one of the big hotels but in family beach houses
well away from the partying.  They knew that there was more to it than that
but they accepted it with good grace.  By Monday morning I was on my way.

	The house was a small cinderblock affair on a small street near the
Boardwalk Resort, basically across the street from the golf course.  I
turned down the barely paved little lane and saw a collection of bright
pastel painted condos. Turning right, I traveled along until I saw the
house with a gaggle of cars in the yard.  Dex and Cass had all ready been
there since Saturday, and were tanned, relaxed and in the groove of spring
break.  Since I was the late comer, I didn't warrant either of the bedrooms
or even the sleeper sofa, which Tommy and his girlfriend, Jade, shared.  I
actually found a place on the floor on the other side of the living room.
Jade's friend, Sarah, got the other sofa.

	The place was awash in kids, thousands of them, including the
street we were on.  Liam and Phillip had set up headquarters at a larger
house 4 doors down but they also had more people.  As I walked down there
to say hello, I breathed in the salt air and felt the warmth of the sun on
my skin.  Somehow they had crammed way more than a dozen people into a
house with 4 bedrooms.  It had only been a couple of days but that house
was even more trashed than the one I was staying it.  There were clothes
everywhere, food strewed about, and half full bottle of liquor.  Several
people were sacked out, recovering from the night before.

	Liam was outside on the large porch overlooking the ocean, sprawled
out on a chaise lounge with his sunglasses on, and dressed only in board
shorts.  I couldn't tell if he was asleep or not.  Then he took his glasses
off and stared at me.  "I was looking for Phillip," I offered weakly.

	"Have we met?" he asked, searching his memory.  It had only been
once and then almost 5 months ago.

	"I'm Dylan"

	"Oh, yeah," he smiled.  "Xander's butt buddy.  I guess he's off
being a porn star but it looks like you made it to the party."

	I sat down on one of the other lounge chairs.  "I thought this was
going to be kind of a ways from the main party."

	Liam laughed.  "Listen, man.  We don't have to find the party, the
party finds us.  My dad likes you, by the way.  Thinks you're a chemistry
genius or something.  Maybe even the next Sasha Shulgin.  Pretty high
praise."

	"Well, I liked your dad too."

	"Phillip's gone swimming.  We brought Ian with us too.  He's
crashed in one of the bedrooms with some piece of pussy that doesn't know
he's only 15," Liam said.  "So did Xander give you permission to play this
week or are you holding with your virtue?"

	"I have his blessings to have a good time."

	Liam nodded.  "Cool.  You'll do all right; you're cute enough in a
geeky, twinkish sort of way.  Shit, if you weren't all hot and heavy with
my little brother, I'd fuck you."

	Ian came outside, his hair askew and yawning broadly.  He was
carrying a bong.  "Hey, Dylan.  How's it hanging?" he greeted me.  "Say, L,
you don't remember what that bitch's name is, do you? I don't want to piss
her off calling her something wrong."

	"Jasmine or something. Course that may just be her pole dancing
name, fuck if I know.  Let me have a bong hit."

	A little later, Phillip and Carlo came up from the beach.  They too
wanted to get high.  By the time I got back to my house, I was more than a
little baked.  Of course, my house wasn't a bastion of sobriety either.
Everybody there was stoned too.  When the sun went down, we ended up at a
super huge club pretty near to the house.  The bouncers were rude and the
bartenders were worse but the music was loud and insistent.  I was stamped
for no alcohol since I was only 18 which sucked.  The pot had made me
paranoid and a little anti-social.  But I tried to get into the spirit of
things.  Unbelievably, a couple of girls actually hit on me, wanting to
dance.  Even more unbelievably, I did.  It was kind of fun, pretending to
be straight for an hour.  But they lacked the essential bit of equipment
for me to get turned on.  Cass saw me, though, and joined in, eventually
leaving with them.  The next day, he said he had a three way on the beach
and I guess I believed him. As for me, I slept alone under the table while
Tommy fucked his girlfriend as quietly as possible.  Her friend Sarah was
passed out drunk on the couch

	The next day, I went jet skiing, which was an incredible rush.
There was a boy, one of Liam's friends named Brandon, that I hung around
with.  He was cute with a big toothy grin, short black hair and a little
soul patch on his chin.  He had a nice youthful body but you could tell
that it was from just being active rather than working out.  But he was
nice, a little quieter than the rest of that house.  About half of the
people went out that night bar crawling and the other half stayed in,
mostly the underage ones, to drink at home.  Tommy tried to appoint himself
bartender but it turned out that Brandon actually was a bartender at a
place in Valdosta.  He gave an impromptu demonstration on mixology with the
assembled group tasting the concoctions.

	I was pleasantly buzzed when Brandon invited to go outside and walk
on the beach.  Tommy made some rude comments about it but we ignored him.
Brandon didn't say much at first as we clawed our way through the sand done
to the roaring water.  Then, as we walked with our shoes off and the water
cascading around our legs, he said, "So you have a boyfriend, huh?"

	"Yeah," I admitted.

	"But he's not here with you, right?"

	"Nope, he had something to do.  He'll come up for a couple of days
before we head back."

	He fell silent for a minute.  "He's Max, right? I mean, I know
that's not his real name but that's who he is, right?"

	"Yeah"

	"He's pretty hot.  I've seen the videos, you know."

	"Yeah, I don't really know what to say about that.  Glad you liked
them, I guess?" I replied.  "So what about you?  Boyfriend, too?"

	He kind of shoved me playfully.  "Nah.  I've been kind of like fuck
buddies with Liam, when he wants to get with a guy. But definitely not
boyfriends. So does him doing porn bother you at all?"

	"A little.  But that's was part of the deal and I knew it when we
got together, this time at least.  The way I look at is that I know he can
fuck somebody else and it doesn't necessarily mean anything.  I get horny
and look at other guys.  I'm attracted to you, for instance.  It's been a
while since I got laid so I'm ready.  Doesn't mean I don't love him, it
just means that I'm horny."

	"Good," he said.  "Because I'm horny, too.  It is spring break, you
know.  Doesn't really count."

	He was staying in one of the small bedrooms and that was where we
did it.  It wasn't subtle or romantic.  We were on top of each other,
kissing and rubbing.  Clothes got pulled off.  I rammed my hand down his
shorts.  He was hard.  Mine got pulled off.  His skin touched mine.
Rubbing against each other, I pushed him away and jumped between his legs,
taking his swollen prick in my mouth, down to his neatly trimmed pubes.  He
bucked his hips and drove his dick deeper into my throat.  Once I would
have gagged but not anymore.  He rubbed my hair and held my head down,
prolonging the contact.  I pulled off and sucked his big meaty balls.  Mad
with desire, Brandon stopped me and pulled me up to him.  Sitting on his
chest, he blew me.  It had been a while and I wanted it. The position was
awkward but it was warm wet mouth on my hard cock and I wanted it.  But the
truth was that I wanted to get fucked and he wanted to fuck me.  He fumbled
with the condom but got it on.  Slathering some down there, I sat on it.  I
gasped and then groaned at the sensation of it.  I rode him.  But then he
turned me over, chest down on the bed and went to town.  No easy lead in,
Brandon was jack hammer fucking me.  I liked it.  Lying down prone on the
bed, my hard dick between my body and sheet, he pounded me.  Whether from
the fucking or the friction as my body moved against the sheet, I began to
orgasm without ever touching myself.  He was panting hard as he came.

	I didn't stay with him that night.  I went back the house I shared
with Cass and Dex, once again sleeping under the table.  Both of us had
gotten what we wanted and that was that.  The next day, Brandon and I met
as acquaintances but never mentioned the night before.  It was fun but
nothing more.  The fact that we had done it was common knowledge soon
enough but generally was greeted with indifference.  Everyone except Cass,
that is.  He gave me dirty looks but said nothing.  I could tell that he
was unhappy and I felt the need to set him straight.  I went to him and
laid out the facts.  Xander was in Tampa, having sex with strangers for
money, instead of here with me.  I wasn't jealous of him because he had
assured me that the sex meant nothing and I had to trust him on that.  He
didn't begrudge me my fun or expect me to be celibate for him.  I told Cass
that if he wanted to call Xander on his cell and tell him about it, he
would learn that Xander didn't care.  Reluctantly, Cass admitted that
Xander wouldn't appreciate him messing in our relationship.

	It was much later, just as we were going out, that Cass came up to
me and took me aside.  "Look, dude, I guess I'm sorry.  I get it that what
you do is none of my business.  I guess I look at things like a straight
guy.  If my girlfriend were fucking another guy while I was away, I'd be
pissed.  If I fucked another girl while she was away, I'd figure I was just
being a guy, you know?  I guess guys are able to work things out when
they're fucking each other."

	I looked at him with disbelief.  "You're just figuring this out?
Has your brother always been monogamous?  Has Xander?"

	"Yeah, so?"

	"Jesus, you're thick. You don't see the point?"

	"Yeah, I mean, I get it and all," Cass said after pondering a
second and rubbing his chin.  "Me and Xander have been through a lot
together.  He's been my best friend since I was 9.  Shit, we lived in the
same fucking house for years, slept in the same bed.  I know he's got my
back no matter what.  I feel like I got to have his even when I kind of
fuck it up and he doesn't even want me to. "

	"Don't worry, you're a good friend," I said, patting him on the
shoulder.  The truth was he was a good friend to Xander.  Danny had called
him Xander's pet monkey.  In truth, he was a little bit like a dog.  Xander
had shown him friendship and loyalty, two virtues that he had in abundance,
and Cass responded to it.  "I'd like it if you were my friend too."

	He nodded and punched me on the shoulder, straight boy style.  We
went to a club that fronted the beach and as usual Cass and I both were
stamped for being under 21.  This bar seemed a little laxer than the other
and Dex got Cass a drink.  I didn't want one.  I was a little buzzed from
the pre-party and I was beginning to understand why the Crowe boys consume
so little alcohol.  Beyond lowering inhibitions, it is a very uninteresting
drug.  The club was clearly a straight club and there were tons of hot
girls with bikini tops or tight T shirts on.  The straight guys had their
eyes unbolted from their heads, they were looking so much.  Cass was
unattached and he set to work finding him some pussy for the night.

	It was after 2 am when I got back.  Cass had gone off with a pair
of girls back to their hotel, so I got to sleep on an actual bed, which was
nice.  Still, I was groggy and dazed when I finally got up shortly before
noon.  I decided that I had laid-off of exercise long enough and thought I
was getting fat, which was probably not true at all, so I went for a long
run along the beach.  The endorphins generated by that helped shape off the
cobwebs.  The early afternoon was spent playing in the water and then just
sitting around.  Around 4 pm, I went with a couple of guys in the other
house, all gay or bi, to the big bowling alley a few blocks off the beach.
We were pretty stoned which made everything funnier but, geeky as it was,
fag bowling was fun.  It was dusk when we got back and we had decided to go
to a bar called Splash.  It was the only real gay bar in Panama City Beach.

	Splash was kind of small and they had a DJ who played a never
ending litany of house music.  Unless on E, I find house music tedious and
repetitious.  But, we were in the spirit of things and began dancing
shirtless.  I got the stamp for being under 21 but nobody seemed to care.
A guy came over and bought me a drink.  I took the drink but I wasn't
interested in him.  He was older and little puffy, so I acted like a vain
little fag and blew him off.  Another guy also bought me a drink, this one
was a looker.  He was at least part Asian but only part.  It gave him a
dark exotic look.  Shorter than me, he was superbly muscled, probably a
former wrestler.  I think his name was Andy. He had friend named Charlie, a
guy about my height with sandy blonde hair.  It was same color as Xander's
but he really didn't remind me of him.  I ended up going back to their
place, which was hotel about a quarter of a mile from where I was staying.

	I was amazed at how comfortable it was being naked with these two
strangers. Well, not comfortable because I hot and horny but I wasn't self
conscious.  They wanted me.  They had taken me home after all and I wanted
them.  Andy had a rock hard body, all bumps and grooves, hairless except
for a shock of black hair in a triangle above his cock.  That was hard and
sticking out straight.  Charlie was lean, going toward skinny like me, but
shaved down.  He too was hard.  I was on my knees, sucking first one and
then the other dick.  It didn't matter to me that I was clearly the
designated bottom boy for the two prowling alpha male tops. I figure that
is my lot in life: to bottom mostly.  Fortunately I enjoyed it.  And they
both did me, bent over and all fours, they entered me first one and then
the other.  Finally Andy got greedy and just fucked me hard until he blew.
Then Charlie took over, also going at it hard and fast and nasty.  I had to
stroke myself and it seemed that dick, twitching, was wired directly to my
brain.  Just when I knew that I couldn't take it anymore, I spewed out a
load, It took Charlie a little while to finish.  But the nice thing was
that once that initial horniness wore off, we ended up in bed cuddling and
kissing and touching and making out before round two started.

	I struggled home the next morning.  There was some good natured
ribbing about my hooking up for a three way.  I had to take it, partly
because I had dished it out yesterday to Cass and partly because as a guy I
was pretty proud of myself.  However, today was the day I was waiting for.
Sometime tonight Xander would have made the six hour drive from Tampa to
get here.  I missed him, a lot.  When he left Tampa, he called and we
talked for a while but had to be careful about the battery since he had
lost his charger.  Finally, he made it after 10 o'clock, while everybody
else was out dancing.

	"Waiting for me?" he said, bursting into the living room burden
down by his duffel bag of clothes that went plop on the floor.  I smiled
and nodded, going to him.  In a matter of no time, we were in the bed,
pawing each other's clothes off.  I had worried that he would want a night
off after a week of porn fucking but I hadn't counted on the ferocity of
his libido.  He was as hungry and passionate as I was.  The first session
was fast and heated but the second was slow and lingering.  I topped him
both times.

	I was luxuriating in the afterglow of lovemaking, nestled up to him
in the bed.  I should have been worried about the time, the revelers would
soon be home and Cass might want his bed back, but I wasn't.

	"I guess I should confess that I did get laid this week.  Once with
a friend of Liam's and once in a three-way with some guys from Wisconsin."

	He laughed.  "Wisconsin?  Well, shit.  You do believe in southern
hospitality.  I guess I should confess that I got laid too.  Want to hear
about it?"

	"Not really," I said, edging away from him just a little.  But he
brought me back toward him.  I softened toward him as usual.  "It doesn't
mean anything.  Mine didn't.  Yours either.  I'm just glad to see you."

	He smiled and kissed me softly.  "This is the happiest place in the
world."

	Cass didn't disturb us and we slept all night there, naked and in
each other's arms. After a week at the beach, we were all tired from lack
of sleep and too much partying but, since we were young, nobody complained
about that.  Everybody had long since gotten pretty casual, both boys and
girls went around with nothing or next to nothing on and nobody thought
anything about it.  Well, that's not exactly true.  We noticed each other
of course.  The girls noticed Xander and, I guess, he noticed them.  But he
was basically just another body in the house, easily accommodated and his
presence taken for granted.  We were eating breakfast when Xander's
brothers showed up.

	"Hey, nut job," Liam greeted him loudly, striding in as if he owned
the place.

	"Douchebag" Xander replied, showing some cereal in his face.
"Nobody's kicked your ass yet?"

	"Not yet," Ian said, punching his older brother in the arm.
"Thought about it, though.  Had to wait for you."

	"So how's the pornography business?  I got anything to look forward
too?" Liam teased, sitting down at the table with a chair turned around.

	"A flip flop, a three way, fucked by a straight boy and one with a
girl.  Fall semester is paid for."

	Liam nodded. "Well, you can thank us later but we saved the best
bit of the party for you.  Of course, I'm just generous that way.  Tonight,
faggot, is trip night.  We were trying to figure out the guest list but
figured to just fuck it and let everybody do what they want.  Dad decided
to help us out with a shit load of shrooms."

	"Really?  Cool." Xander said.

	"I don't know," I chimed in.  "Isn't it kind of dangerous?  I mean,
the magic mushrooms look a lot like the poisonous kind. "

	"Dude, they're not going in the woods and picking them.  These are
specially grown," Philip told me as he leaned against the couch.  "You
can't necessarily count on Dad for much but the drugs are always good."

	I agreed to do them.  I didn't really have a reason not too
particularly since I had done 3 other psychedelic drugs.  Besides Xander
seemed excited about it.  I understand that I probably shouldn't base my
drug taking decisions on what Xander wanted to do because, as far as I
could tell, that included a broad range and heavy use.  We waited until
almost dusk to do them. In the meantime, we spent the day lazing around,
swimming some but mostly just sitting in the sun.  In the end, the trippers
included Xander and his brothers, plus Dex, Cass and me.  Everyone else got
the remaining Ecstasy that Liam and Philip brought and went dancing.  Our
tripping was centered at our house with everyone else going back to the
other house at night's end.  They decided that this time Xander would be
the babysitter, which disappointed me because I really only wanted to trip
with him.  I almost backed out but Xander knew what was on my mind and
insisted that I do them anyway.

	I got a dose of one large mushroom and a small one, which weighed
about 2 grams on the small metal scale that was usually used to weight pot
bags.  The taste wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  It was
foul enough, so that description is relative.  By now I was expecting a
long time to come up.  We smoked a bowl and talked.  It was relaxed and
everyone seemed like they were in a good mood and happy going into it.  We
went outside to bask in the final dying rays of the sun.  It was in the
second pass of the pipe that the body buzz really kicked in.  It felt like
something was building up inside of me, some incomprehensible force that
was trying to rip away the chains of my consciousness.  It wasn't
unpleasant, just strange and overwhelming.  For no reason at all, I glanced
at my watch and saw that it was 6:04.  I calmed myself to go with the flow.
I tried to listen to the conversation but was becoming aware that while I
knew the words, the meaning was not readily apparent.  I looked at my watch
again and now the time was 5:58.

	Holy fuck, I thought.  I'm going back in time.  How is that
possible?

	The ocean was orange and blue.  The waves were making love with the
shore.  There were people there, watching us, gaping.  I saw them out the
corner of my but when I turned to look, they were gone.  I was clear headed
enough to know that it was an hallucination but then thought it entirely
possible that the people around me were also not real.

	"I need to get some water," I mumbled, standing up and going
inside.  I made it the sink and got a glass of tepid water.  It reminded me
of changing the oil in your car.  I needed the water to keep the joints
lubricated.  I sank onto the couch and surveyed the room.  In great
swirling lines, there were a infinite series of Aztec like symbols flying
through the air.  For the first time, I understood why their art was like
it was.  It was actually representational, but of an altered state.  I
closed my eyes and the same patterns persisted but more intensely.  I was
losing myself in them.

	I felt a body sinking into the couch next time.  I wasn't sure if
it was real and I opened my eyes.  I could make Xander out through the now
disturbed mass of these symbols.  They had scattered like fruit flies.  But
was he there at all?

	I reached out and touched him.  He seemed solid enough.  "Xander?"
I mumbled.

	A voice came from a great distance.  "Good?" he asked.

	I couldn't speak.  I couldn't describe it.  The conventionality of
words cheapened the experience.  I nodded and closed my eyes again, wanting
the order of the symbols flying past me again.  But the moment was gone, a
testament to the transience of experience.  The replacement vision was like
a kick in the gut.  There was a huge, ever-changing step pyramid, with the
pieces of it restlessly moving about.  It reached the sky.  No, it reached
heaven.

	The voice that came from the pyramid was deep and resonant,
authoritative and god-like.  "What manner of learning is this?"

	"It's all I know" I screamed back at him, desperately seeking his
favor.  But I didn't scream at all.

	"You have forgotten then. You will relearn it."

	My soul was cast about into the chaos of creation.  It was rough,
even violent.  I felt the scorching heat and deep cold of the universe as I
was buffeted about.  It wasn't painful but it wasn't a delight either.  I
was trying to decide if this was a bad trip or not.  I decided it wasn't,
just an essential part of getting to the other side.  Then, all at once,
every thought I had ever had, every memory, came crashing into my
consciousness, all at the same time.  Good and bad, they were all there.

	I flung my eyes open.  The television was on.  A man was standing
on a desk, clucking like a chicken.  I thought it extremely odd but, then
suddenly he wasn't anymore.  Why am I indoors?  I knew I wouldn't learn
anything were I was.  I had to be outside where the air was real, the sand
was real, the water was real.  I had no desire to be a part of the plastic,
prefabricated world any longer.

	The others must have been struck by the same whimsy.  We sat in the
sand by the beach.  It was night but there was no fear.  This was not a bad
trip after all.  I was sure of that.  This was mystical.  Xander built a
fire.  I spent hours silently meditating on the ever changing nature of the
flame. It was consuming in every possible sense of that word.  Lying in the
soft sand, the waves rhythmically hitting the shore and singing a song, I
closed my eyes and took a journey through eternity.  Actually no, it was
through an infinite possibility. The nature of sacrifice, of
responsibility, of love and charity replayed themselves in varying hues and
ways.  For a time, I saw as God saw.

	I didn't speak and couldn't.  To all outward appearances I was
calm.  The explosion was localized to my brain.  But yet, I was connected
to everything around me, definitely the people.  Inwardly, I stripped away
the parts of myself that I didn't like and threw them away. They were like
thin pieces of flimsy film and were easily discarded.  I felt whole.

	Somehow, eventually, I went to sleep in a bed in the house.  When I
woke up, I felt happy and alive.  Matter had returned to its usual state
but I hadn't.  I was changed, irrevocably.  Xander struggled awake and
looked at me searchingly.

	"I don't know what to say," I told him.  He smiled and nodded.  "It
was beyond belief."

	He leaned forward and whispered, "It's a different belief."

	That put the whole experience in context.  I had a lifetime of
beliefs implanted by other people.  I had been told what was true and
false, good and bad.  But I had no individual conception of the rightness
of it.  I had believed what I was told I was supposed to believe, in church
and in school and, now, even by Danny and even Xander, who loved me I knew
but wanted me a certain way.  I had been dutiful.  I now realized how two
dimensional all of that had been, how limiting.  I had moved past the point
of received wisdom to a different plane.  Starting today, I would be
seeking my own answers