Chapter 4
© 2006

G was right; I had plenty of friends and, as far as I knew, no enemies. As a school swim team member, I was surrounded by good mates. We clubbed, surfed and hiked Wollumbin together. We were tight.

Frank, the team captain, was a strapping lad with a natural air of authority; intelligent, exceptionally handsome, and armed with a wicked sense of humor. One day in the showers after training, he fooled around as usual, and boasted about what he planned doing that night with his girlfriend.

"Look familiar?" I joked as I parted my butt cheeks and brown-eyed him.

"Careful, Kyle. I might just take you up on that."

The whole team was in hysterics, including the new guy, a mean looking mother with a shaved head. It was the first time I'd seen him smile. He appeared almost redeemable.

Next day in the quadrangle during recess, I heard a voice call, "Hey, gay boy!" It was the new guy who directed his insult at me.

"Say what?" I demanded as I strode up to him; hazel eyes ignited and hair bristling.

"Do you show your ring to everybody or is it just Frank you fancy?" A group of sycophantic goons laughed as he added, "You're a faggot."

Frank stood beside me and whispered a message. A second later, the blurred action of my fists put the new dude flat on his butt. He wiped his bloodied mouth with the back of his hand, glared at me, then scrambled to his feet. But he was restrained by two of his goons. A passing teacher asked the reason for the commotion. "The guy slipped and fell," Frank lied.

When the teacher left and the situation cooled, Frank turned his attention to the new guy. "I should pull you off the swim team, asshole, but Kyle asked me not to. He says you got what was coming and I should leave it at that. You gotta learn a few things, Brett. All us guys fool around like Kyle does. Hell, last year, Darren used to whack off in the showers whenever he felt like it, like it was no biggie. And when we go on tour, we all brown-eye the passing cars from the bus. So you better chill, asshole. We don't need any of your aggro crap on this team. Loosen up, okay? Or piss off."

Next day, hell bent on revenge, Brett waited for me after training. "No one's watching now, dude," he smirked. "Let's have it out".

"There's no need." I ignored his taunting shove and continued toward the change rooms. One of his goons stopped me at the entrance. "You don't get through until Brett says it's okay, mister." The moment I turned to face Brett again, he slammed me in the gut. I went down like a stone and passed out.

Brett was triumphant, or was he? Confident the score was even, and he'd won the respect of the team, he approached Frank during the following day's practice and tried to make friendly conversation.

"Piss off, Brett. Kyle's times are down because of what you did, asshole."

Brett glanced at me, expecting resentment. But I could read his mind: "Why the hell isn't this guy mad at me?" he must have asked himself. And that made me smile.

During the next few weeks, Brett mellowed sufficiently to become more accepted by the guys, except Frank. Frank remained strictly business-like and only spoke to Brett when the subject concerned swimming.

Darren, last year's captain and senior, visited the school one day and rated the guys' physiques on a scale of zero to ten. Darren, himself, was way off the scale; a living god. It was quite normal for the guys to comment on each other's looks and fitness. After all, we spent much of our time together dressed only in Speedos or naked in the showers.

One of the guys suggested we stage a strip show for the girls. Skeptical, Brett reluctantly agreed to participate. He probably figured it would improve his standing in the group. Brett, by the way, rated an 8.

"No way, Brett," Frank ordered. "You're not invited."

I chose a private moment to chat to Frank: "You're a bit tough on Brett. He's not such a bad guy and, well, I kinda like him."

"You what? After what he did to you? Listen, Kyle, I've known you all my life, and I know you're not the type to hold a grudge..." Frank paused a moment to search my eyes. "Okay, okay," he relented, "I'll invite him to join the strip team. But if you guys end up fighting, it's your fault!"

The party was held on a farm a few miles out of town, in a big barn decorated for the occasion by at least a hundred girls, all eager to see the show. Fifteen of the swim team guys were to be the main attraction, and I was one of them, albeit with nagging reservation.

A plentiful supply of beer, compliments of the girls, ensured no lack of Dutch courage for the strippers. Surprisingly, a young shy guy named Maurice volunteered to go first. He must have been primed with alcohol. Equally surprisingly, he was a terrific performer. To the driving beat of techno music, he teased and stripped down to his Speedos. He then left the makeshift stage to writhe his away among the screaming girls. "Get it off, get if off!" they shrieked, touching him anywhere they wanted. The show was off to a sensational start.

There was a 30-minute break once half the performers had done their thing, then it was my turn. I was a bit too zonked to remember much about it afterwards, except that once I was down to my Speedos, I walked through the cheering crowd and stopped beside Stuart and his latest girlfriend. I thrust my hips at her and invited her to touch me, which she did. Stuart didn't flinch. If I were in his shoes and he did that to my girlfriend I would have flattened him.

Stuart wasn't a pupil at my school, but I talked Frank into inviting him anyway. He was pretty much affected by booze and pot by the time he performed, but managed nonetheless to thrill the crowd with his 10-plus blond surfer looks.

However, the final act stole the show. Frank teased and taunted until the audience's screams reached fever pitch. Even the guys were enthusiastic. At the end of Frank's performance, his girlfriend pulled the front of his Speedos down and kissed his manhood. The joint went ballistic.

A committee of girls voted: Frank 1st, Stuart 2nd, some guy I didn't know 3rd, and Brett 4th. Me? Don't ask, but I did okay. Once the excitement of the show subsided, people drifted away. No one offered me a lift home, so I crashed outside the barn with some girl who did me a "favor". In the morning, I took a cold shower in the open air. I was naked and had an audience, but I didn't care. Luckily, a friend offered me a ride home in his VW Beetle.

During Spring break, the team went on tour to Coffs Harbor to compete at an inter-school comp. I was billeted with a guy named Kim: tall, blond, handsome as all hell, a champion swimmer, and an ego you couldn't pole-vault.

The first week of competition went well, and my times were great. On the weekend, Kim invited me to spend the time off with a friend of his; a guy in his thirties who owned a horse farm. On Monday the second week of competition began. My times were disappointing to say the least. I was a total failure. I'd let Frank and the guys down big time, as well as myself. I resigned from the team.

I tried to explain to G the cause of the problem but I didn't have the courage, at least not initially. I'd let him down, too. On the bus trip home to Byron Bay I sat alone, trying to figure out how the hell I could have done things contrary to what G believed I stood for. I was his hero. If I told him what happened that weekend at the farm, he would certainly reject me. Captain Kyle, the loser.

There's something I need to tell you, G. I can't tell anyone else. I haven't told anyone, not even Rick. There's no one but you who would understand, and I'm not even sure you will. I owe you an explanation as to why I blew the swim comp and resigned. Just give me time to sort it out in my head before I write you about it.

G's response was cool. He didn't pressure me at all and virtually guaranteed to be non-judgmental if I chose to reveal my dark secret. Yeah, right. We'd see about that. I was about to risk one of the greatest and most important friendships of my life; one that would never be repeated in a million years. Why? Because it got to the point where I simply could no longer handle carrying the emotional baggage of that weekend alone. I was desperate to at least share it with someone, and that someone was G. There was no other choice.

On the Friday, Kim said he wanted to go to a farm out of town, and invited me along. It belonged to a friend of his who had horses on the property. He said we could chill out for the weekend and be back by Sunday night for week two of the comp. His dad lent him one of the family cars -- a small Ford truck. The drive was about 20 miles or so. When we arrived, it was impossible not to admire the local scenery--beautiful, green forests surrounded the farm, and a river ran through it. It rocked something wicked.

That's where I met Robert, Kim's friend. He was about thirty, but with the body of a younger man, and cool looking--like a film star. He was shirtless and sweating. He approached us and shook my hand as Kim introduced us. "This is Kyle, the guy I told you about on the phone." Then he kissed Kim, full on, right in front of me. I'm like whoa! I guess that's when I began to feel a bit nervous about being there.
As I entered the house, I noticed another dude. I figured he was about my age--maybe a year younger. He was pretty good looking except that he was totally spaced out. He wore shorts without briefs; I could see the shape of his cock clearly.

The inside of the house was just like I'd expected-- high ceilings constructed of dark timber and supported by thick, wooden beams. The floor was polished timber decorated with scatter rugs. Kim walked over to the younger dude and stood him up. "This is Gareth." Gareth just stared at me and offered his hand. I noticed his pretty strong grip before he sat down again. Kim took something out of a box, placed it in his mouth and lit it. "Want a smoke, Kyle?"

"Nope, don't smoke. Thanks."

"Not a ciggie. It's a joint. Wanna pull?" I shook my head.

Robert smiled at me. "Kyle, it's an herb. It's grass. It'll help you relax. You're looking as tense as hell, man, and nobody here is gonna hurt you. Here, take a drag." He took the joint from Kim and put it to my lips. I sucked too hard and launched into a coughing fit. Despite that, I could hear Gareth giggling and I felt like kicking his smartass teeth down his throat. I was angry, but I also felt like crying and saying that I wanted to go home. Yeah, right. I would've sounded like a right wuss if I had.

Robert handed Kim a beer and me a Coke. By then, I could feel my head becoming as light as a feather. It was a totally cool sensation, and I was definitely beginning to relax.

It was like a dream world. I watched as Robert came up behind Kim and took off his shirt, then kissed him on the neck. His hands slid down to Kim's waist and he removed his jeans. Kim, with a raging boner, then undressed Robert and all three had sex, both oral and anal, right there in front of me. It was weird -- like a ballet -- everything was in slow motion.

Robert faced me. "Wanna join us, Kyle?"

So, anyway, I can't even remember exactly how I answered Robert's question but Gareth approached me, undressed me and went down on me. What I do remember, though, is that I was horny as hell, maybe from the grass.

I remember Kim giving me another smoke after that, while he and Robert also had one each. Gareth, meantime, was popping some pills. I still don't know what they were.

I woke next morning with Robert sitting on the edge of my bed. The covers were off and I was laying there with my morning piss boner hugging my stomach. His hand was on it. "Does it make you uncomfortable if I do this?"

"Nope." I was being honest 'cause I think I was still dopey from the shit I'd been smoking the night before. He continued to stroke me for a while, then Kim walked into the room. He came up behind Robert, put his arms around him and they kissed.

Robert glanced down at me. "Kim tells me that you're a virgin, Kyle."

"Guess so." Then he stood up and I realized that everyone was nude. I got out of bed and grabbed my shorts.

"You won't need those," Robert smiled, "we're naked for the weekend. There's nobody around for miles."

Kim explained that we were all going horse riding. I'd never been on a horse before, so Robert insisted that I ride with him.

Everybody looked way awesome--like Indians in a cowboy movie. There were no saddles on the horses, and I remember how rough the horse's rump felt against my bare ass after Robert took my hand and heaved me up behind him. Then he grabbed my arms and locked them around his waist. I could feel just how damn strong he was. Then he forced my hands down to his crotch. I wanted to pull away, but I didn't.

Meanwhile, I was watching Kim and Gareth on their horses. Kim's long, muscular legs looked so damn impressive draped over that animal's ribs.

We stopped at a spot where the river formed a huge pool. The surface was so calm it resembled a mirror. We dismounted and dove in. The water was totally rad and kind of made me feel a lot better. Kim and Robert began to wrestle before tackling me. Then Gareth joined in. It ended up with me and Gareth against the bigger guys, but they were just too damn strong. One time, Kim picked me up, raised me above his head then threw me into the water like I weighed nothing. I weigh about 135 pounds, by the way.

The bigger guys exited the water, sat on the bank and lit two joints while they watched me and Gareth fooling around. "Hey, Kyle, you wanna fuck me?" I couldn't say anything. I just stared at him. "It's cool, man. I'll help you. I think you're hot, and I want you to fuck my lights out now." I just laughed at him, trying to make a joke out of the situation while I headed for shore. He tackled me as I reached the bank and climbed on my back. "Don't laugh, Kyle, I'm being serious."

I felt his hardness against my butt and knew that he was gonna go further if I didn't move quickly. I used all the power I could summon, rolled over and dislodged him. I could hear the other two guys laughing at us. Then Kim yelled, "Almost fucked you, Kyle--almost." I laughed along with them 'cause I wanted to make out like I was sharing the joke.

Gareth passed me his joint and I smoked the rest of it. OK, G, so I enjoyed how it made me feel, like the night before. Sorry. Okay?

Later, at the house, we had a barbecue. I was getting so used to us all being naked, I really didn't pay much attention. Anyway, we had a few beers, then went into the sitting room to watch some porn movies.

After the movie, I went for a swim in the river to try and get my head sorted out. Gareth followed me in his zonked state, but just sat on the bank watching me while he smoked another joint. "Hey, Kyle, come here and jack me off, bro."

Kim and Robert arrived on the scene. Kim grabbed Gareth and wrestled him to the ground. I remember Gareth screaming as Kim had his way with the kid. Kim had no mercy. He giggled all the while.

"Hey, Kyle, wanna wrestle?" Robert asked.

"Not right now, thanks." I walked to the house where I could still hear them laughing down by the river.

I must've fallen asleep in the sitting room 'cause it was dark when Kim shook me awake. I opened my eyes as a joint was shoved between my lips. "There's a drink on the table, buddy. It'll help you to relax a bit."

It was then that I became aware of Gareth and Robert in the room.

I was lying on my stomach when two hands touched my hips, then Robert's face came down next to mine. "Hey, Kyle, I'll be gentle, buddy. Just relax, okay?" Kim's arms were around my shoulders. He was kissing me and holding my head, so I couldn't even answer.

I felt Robert putting KY gel into me--then I felt IT. It seemed as though my ass was being split open as his donkey cockhead penetrated. I was screaming while Kim was still kissing me, and I started to cry. The worst part, though, was each time Robert pulled back--it felt like he was pulling my insides along with it.

His thrusting got faster and faster, and I could hear his heavy breathing at my ear. His hands were tight around my waist; strong fingers digging into my skin.

It seemed my whole insides were being filled with this massive intrusion--then it was like a flood of warm jelly exploding within me. He kept his cock jammed in my hole as I sensed it getting lazy. I wanted to move but I couldn't 'cause of Kim's grip. Robert's hands found my cock. Then I felt his again inside me; it began to harden once more. Robert was raping me a second time.

My mind switched off at some stage, 'cause the next thing I remember was him pulling his cock out, turning me over and straddling me. He shoved his enormous cock in my mouth and immediately shot a huge load that almost choked me. I remember Kim pulling him off 'cause I was gagging for air.

Robert was like a crazed animal. I'd never seen anyone like him before. I laid there for ages covered in his mess, and there was blood on me as well. I knew it was from my ass 'cause I was bleeding down there.

Kim grabbed me and took me to the bathroom where he cleaned me. I remember him saying "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!", over and over and over again. He passed me a joint and said, "Kyle, smoke that, please."
It was like a movie on fast-forward 'cause I remember him putting stuff in my ass--like antiseptic stuff that burnt my skin like all hell. I had this feeling like I desperately needed to crap, but I didn't dare 'cause I was in so much damn pain.

Afterwards, I remember Kim screaming at Robert in the sitting room, with Gareth giggling, and more screaming. Kim helped me to the bedroom where I passed out.

Kim woke me next morning. He'd obviously been sleeping with me. "Are you OK?" I seemed to be fine. It was only when I stood up that I noticed the pain in my ass. There was blood on the sheet as well. I needed to take a dump, so I did. It wasn't too bad but there was still some sign of blood, and that worried me. Kim said it was OK, and that it was common for guys to bleed after their first time 'cause the skin tears. Later, when we showered, Kim had another look and put some ointment on it for me.

Anyway, I went through to the kitchen to get something to eat and Gareth was there eating breakfast. He laughed when he saw me. "Kyle, I'm gonna screw you today. I don't normally screw virgins, but you're not a virgin any more." I lost it and told him to fuck off and go screw his hand. I could tell that he was getting aggro but, I swear, I would've hurt him bad if he'd decided to stand up to me then.

Kim and Robert disappeared to the main bedroom for most of the morning, and I guessed they were screwing each other stupid judging by the sounds I could hear.

Just before lunch, Kim and I left the farm for his place. All I wanted to do was get home but Kim talked me into staying with him for a few more days. I liked him a lot, in spite of everything. He was like a puppy around me. I guess he had the guilts pretty bad for getting me into that situation at the farm.

The night before I left, Kim handed me $100. "What the hell is that for?"

"It's from Robert."

"I don't want it."

"It's a gift, Kyle, nothing else."

"And what's my return gift? Let him fuck me again, huh?"

"Kyle, if you don't take it, I'll burn it, I promise."

"Screw you and Robert's money."

He took a lighter and started to burn one of the bills before I grabbed it. "I'll think of something to do with it."

"We'll meet again, Kyle. I'm sorry for what happened but I really like you a lot. You also like me a little bit--I think."

"By the way, who's Gareth?"

"He's a local from around here. He sees Robert every weekend."

"Is he also sixteen?"


I took a bus home. My mind was racing the whole time with all sorts of things. The one special thing I'd been saving was ruined by a stranger. I still didn't understand the setup between Robert and Kim, and tried to figure it out. Smoking grass? Well, I've promised myself that I'll never do it again. I lost control and I can't afford that. I didn't like it.

What would my friends think of me if they found out? I thought about that a lot and realized I'd have to tell someone I could trust. I had to tell you, 'cause there was no one else I could turn to--not to help but just to listen and, hopefully, understand.

The worst part was on the night I got home. There was a phone call. It was Robert. My folks wanted to know who it was and I told them it was a mate I met on the trip. Robert said he was gonna visit Byron Bay and wanted to meet with me at his motel. I don't know how the hell he got my number, unless I gave it to him when I was all smoked up.

"No way."

"There's another $100 in it for you, Kyle. But it's more than that. I think I'm in love with you."

"Har-de-fucking-har! No way, Jose."

"Hey, fucker, who knows that you're a faggot? Do your folks know? Your school buddies?"

"So who the fuck knows that you're a pedo who fucks thirteen year olds?"

The phone went dead, but it left me pretty shaken for a long while. He hasn't phoned again--yet. And I sure hope he doesn't.

Well, that's about the story, G, as best as I can remember it. There's a lot I can't remember, and maybe it's just as well. I know you're probably disappointed in me and I need to say I'm sorry. I know that a lotta my friends would never expect me to get into such serious crap. I also know that I could've said no to those guys and, at the end of the day, Kim probably would've liked and respected me more for standing up to them.

Well, I guess I've just gotta start over again. I've learnt a huge lesson, and wondered about what might happen if I ended up at a place like that again--where I couldn't escape. What if? Well, I guess I can only answer that question if it happens.

Some of my friends have noticed a change in me. Stuart told me he wanted the old Kyle back again. He said I should go down to the bay and just watch the sun rise. "Whatever's bugging you man, you need to lock it away. I need you so damn much." So I got up real early and went down to the bay. He was right. I sat there and watched the first rays of dawn peeking over the horizon. It made me feel a whole bunch better. I thought how everything that had happened to me was like some surreal painting that should be hung in the attic or basement or somewhere where it couldn't be seen.

I laid awake the other night thinking about Kim. He seemed to be pretty strong and I hope he can get out of the mess he's in. Gareth I feel sorry for. I think he's way too far gone.

When G replied, he was cool. Anyway, Kyle, what happened to you in just a few days shouldn't affect all those other days, or those in the future. You're going on seventeen; what's 17 times 365? That's over 6000 days you've lived already. It's all out of proportion, mate. So I figure, rather than start over, you should just pick up where you left off. Don't let those assholes change you--you're too good for that. I'm not saying you'll ever forget what happened, but I am saying that you've gotta see it in its true perspective.

I thanked G for his understanding. You were so damn cool and I feel a lot better now. I thought about what you said about picking up where I left off--and you were right. I can't let that experience get out of all proportion. And guess what? I figured out what I'd do with the money that asshole Robert gave me. I've been teaching Graham how to roller blade. Anyway, he doesn't have a pair and he's always borrowing mine or somebody else's. So I'm gonna buy him a pair. Cool, huh? I could've used the money for other stuff I need but, hey, the kid needs blades.