Green Room II
Brett phoned to ask about the counseling thing, then congratulated me on making an effort in the right direction. It was a short call, but I appreciated it big time.
The surf was shitters this afternoon, so Graham and I hit the boxing bag for a while. In that kinda situation, he's totally focused, which explains why he learned to surf so quickly. He jacks around like a lighty but is very mature mentally. He's also bright, but only due to hard work, a quality he shares with Kyle. Kyle certainly wasn't a bloke with a photographic memory, he read a lot and studied like hell. He worked hard for every percentage point he earned at school. Graham's the same. Sometimes, when get gets stuck with homework, he phones me. I'm not always able to help, which makes me feel like an idiot because he expects me to know bloody everything. That's Kyle's fault, he insisted that I was the brightest dude on the planet. According to convos I have with my dad, he doesn't altogether agree. Hahahaha!
Actually, my dad and I discussed what choices I'll make at varsity next year. I know you'll raise those bushies of yours as well, G. I plan to do psychology for the first year. The courses are generic, so if I change my mind later, it's no biggie.
Psychology?!?!?! I can hear you going apeshit from here. But it's a choice I've given a lot of thought to. I've read a few books. Yeah, I do read sometimes when my eyes aren't bloodshot. Psych is not as adventurous as marine bio like Kyle planned, but by studying psych, my intention is not to eventually become a shrink or to analyze what makes people tick. I already know what makes you tick, G ... that pendulum thing! Hahahahaha! I reckon psych is a good basic for everything else. Ultimately, I'd like to do marketing design. Oh, shit, here comes Kyle...
"Psychology? Are you a dimwit or something? What about a career in the outdoors where you can breathe fresh air?"
"I'm doing psych so I can figure out how you screw my brain."
"Is that where your brain is?"
"Piss off ... be serious."
"Okay, I think psych is cool."
"No, but it'll make you happy if I say so."
"You're still the same."
"Seriously, Stuart, it doesn't matter what you do as long as it's what you want and not what someone else wants."
"It's what I want ... for now."
"Then everything's cool. I still love ya even if you are all screwed up. Hehehe! Byeeeeeeee!"
Then he disappeared. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that's how Kyle would respond to my decision. I remember his saying that he could never see me working in a building because that's not how he saw himself. He said that one day he saw himself in San Diego or Miami to further his studies. He thought they were the best bases for marine biology.
And he would have succeeded, G. It was his style to focus and work hard for what he wanted. I think he tried to organize some sort of pact that would see all of us based together at the same place.
The one thing that upset him about the idea of being based in Miami was the need to leave Oz for a while. His ultimate goal was to return here and start his own business. There was nothing small about the way Kyle thought.
I still find it difficult to let go of Kyle and get on with my life. It's like walking through molasses.
You're right, your news about doing psych did raise my bushies. It's a long way from math, but I think it's a good move. After all, you'll be dealing with people the rest of your life--it'll help you to better understand them.
Don't think of moving on as letting go of Kyle, or walking through molasses. Think of him as your foundation, the rock upon which you build your future. Take him with you, as I take him with me. That's the way he was in life, and is now in death. Remember his award at the Valedictory Service? His award was for caring and always putting others before himself. Never underestimate what Kyle did for us, and continues to do. Why let go?
Hey, G, it's Saturday morning. Guess what happened last night? Graham phoned and asked if we could hang out. "So what's with your chick?"
"She's busy, or her folks gated her or whatever. Can I hang out with you, or are you going out with Melanie?"
We all ended up at Melanie's house and watched a video of Shrek. The grommet suffered a bit of a downer and was not all that bouncy. Didn't stop him ogling Melanie, though. Hahahaha!
In G's reply, he mentioned the `Peace, Love, Respect' thing. I told him I stole it from a mate. All surfers use it as an email sign-off. I think it's pretty cool, something I must try to live up to.
Next time I invited Graham to the movies, he played a little game and phoned Melanie. "Hey, Melanie, Stuart and I are going to the movies, wanna come?" The reason for that was to invite Jacky along. Hahaha! Sneaky little shit. So the night became a foursome.
It was cool to be with Melanie at the movies, but I also enjoy time alone with the grommet. When he's with Jacky, he's a dog in heat. I don't understand why he doesn't screw her and get it over with. Hahahaha! Hey, he's too scared.
It was a good evening, though. We dined on pizza afterwards--some of my school mates were at the restaurant, giving Melanie the big ogle.
Friday's history paper was pretty hectic, but we were warned beforehand to expect it. I breezed through the thing. I just hope I got all the answers right. Hahahaha!
After school the surf bitched, so I took a break from study and hit the waves. What an awesome session! Airs, floaters, green rooms and a couple of wipeouts. But it was a welcome change from classrooms and the pressure of exams. Like Kyle said, surfing clears the cobwebs.
When I arrived home, there was a message to phone Melanie. Woohoo! She wanted to take in a movie because she also suffered study stress. I asked if she'd rather hire a vid and relax at her place. We chose Castaway with Tom Hanks, a kickass movie.
We just kinda snuggled up and didn't do anything. WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP, G! Did I get a hardon? Nah. I got an erection! Hahaha! Her folks were in and out of the den all night, and I'm sure they noticed my bulge. Melanie continually giggled because I whispered stuff about needing her to pat my boner and tell me everything was cool. Anyway, she enjoyed the vibe and I enjoyed her company.
"Want to go out again tomorrow?" I asked. "Maybe for pizza or a burger or whatever?"
"I promised my mom I'd study. How's yours going? Do you still take time out to think about me and get all horny?"
"You're naughty, you know that? Hey, seriously, thanks for helping me, babes ... with the counseling thing."
"You're helping yourself, Stuart. I can point you in the direction but it's up to you to decide to go there."
"You sound like Kyle. Thanks for being with me. That's what I mean--being there for me. I guess tomorrow I'll have to jack off AGAIN!"
"Now you're sounding like Kyle," she laughed. "Do all guys jack off a lot?"
"For sure. A lotta guys are like me--with girlfriends who won't allow certain favors."
She kissed my cheek and said, "It'll happen when we're both ready, Stuart. Okay? I love you."
"And I love you."
One of G's friends, Clint, emailed a song for my birthday, Your Song. He sang it himself. "How wonderful life is while you're in the world." Is that me, G? Nah, can't be. I can't believe someone would do that for me. Only one person would do that, and he's not around anymore. That's the only fuckup with my birthday, that I don't get a Kyle hug. Kyle never needed to buy me anything, his hugs were million-dollar hugs because they were genuine.
I know what he meant when he said he was the richest kid in the world because of his many friends. I understand now how he felt.
After I emailed G, my dad entered my room to ask if there was anything special I wanted for my birthday. "Yeah, dad, there is."
"So tell me now because your mother and I are going shopping."
"I just want a hug, dad, from you and mom. Maybe the three of us can go out tomorrow night for a bite and a chat. I don't need you to buy anything for me."
Oh, my God! I'd never seen my dad cry before, not unless he was in a rage directed at me. He was speechless, and had to leave my room.
Shortly afterwards, he returned to announce that the three of us would go to a restaurant the next night, which was the best birthday present I could think of.
I feel on top of the world about everything you and your friends have done for me, G. The letters of support, the birthday wishes, the song from Clint. Later, I'll connect with Graham for a surf. I'll get stuck into study now. On Monday we write English Lit. I read the books. King Lear? Bleh. Thanks again for everything, G. You've no fucking idea.